"Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" Season 2: Episodes 1 & 2!!by Randi / April 15, 2016
Sooo many amazing lines! Let’s jump right in!
The third episode might not have been as solid overall as #2, but oh my goodness was it chockfull of quotable lines! So many video clips to share here! But at times, the episode felt disjointed, full of hilarious jokes but not great story arcs. It was more like ways to shoehorn jokes into one script. But what great jokes!
Jacqueline has ended her search for a fabulous apartment, sort of – she found a sick place but can only afford rent for a few months. She has her $11.5 million painting on the wall and a ludicrously expensive carpet below it, and well that is it for furniture! Well aside from “those Philippe Starck ghost chairs” she points to (empty space, amazing). Hasn’t she ever heard of Ikea? The best is when Kimmy falls on the carpet, gets yelled at by Jacqueline who says how much it cost ($30,000), leading Kimmy to roll long-ways off the carpet while apologizing to it. Although Jacq is in dire straits, she still is paying top dollar for Abattoir, the doggie, to get the best dog massage in Manhattan (courtesy of Broadway’s Derek Klena! This show is the new Law & Order for Broadway performers). “This is Abattoir? I thought you two were sisters!” the masseur says to Jacqueline, like it’s a compliment to look like a dog’s sister.
EPISODE 3: Kimmy Goes to a Play!
The third episode might not have been as solid overall as #2, but oh my goodness was it chockfull of quotable lines! So many video clips to share here! But at times, the episode felt disjointed, full of hilarious jokes but not great story arcs. It was more like ways to shoehorn jokes into one script. But what great jokes!
Jacqueline has ended her search for a fabulous apartment, sort of – she found a sick place but can only afford rent for a few months. She has her $11.5 million painting on the wall and a ludicrously expensive carpet below it, and well that is it for furniture! Well aside from “those Philippe Starck ghost chairs” she points to (empty space, amazing). Hasn’t she ever heard of Ikea? The best is when Kimmy falls on the carpet, gets yelled at by Jacqueline who says how much it cost ($30,000), leading Kimmy to roll long-ways off the carpet while apologizing to it. Although Jacq is in dire straits, she still is paying top dollar for Abattoir, the doggie, to get the best dog massage in Manhattan (courtesy of Broadway’s Derek Klena! This show is the new Law & Order for Broadway performers). “This is Abattoir? I thought you two were sisters!” the masseur says to Jacqueline, like it’s a compliment to look like a dog’s sister.
That’s all very fun and good, but then she goes kind of off the rails trying to nab a rich old man to take over as her Mr. Moneybags. It’s sort of funny when she meets an old acquaintance and compliments him on his surgery that has pulled up his former extra neck skin to be his new face skin with it all tied it a top knot under his hair, ‘the same surgery Trump had!’, but then when she sits on his lap and tries to make out with him, it’s all just too much and too unfunny. I just want Jacqueline to return to being the funny-worst person onscreen and not this sad curry-worst person.
As for Titus, while we can be happy that he found the motivation and energy to write and stage a one-man play, the result is bound to create a crapload of controversy. The silver lining in this probably racially insensitive bit is that there was some actually funny comedy sprinkled amid the storyline, unlike the definitely racially insensitive Native American b.s.
So what was his play? Remember at the beginning of episode 1, which was a peek into the future with various Christmas stockings hanging for names we didn’t know? One of those names was Murasaki, and we learned who that is here: one of Titus’s personas from a past life, that of a Japanese geisha. Yes, Titus’s one-man play was him in…Japanese face, in geisha attire, singing old traditional folk songs and telling his/her story. The writers tried to preempt the controversy this plot would face in real life by having Titus face controversy in the show, by way of an online Asian community that named Titus one of its “Hitlers” for his racism and cultural insensitivity. The group bought all the tickets to his show in order to boo throughout. But then Titus sang and it was beautiful, so beautiful it made the internet Hitlers stop booing him and stop calling him a Hitler. And then one girl got stuck in a social justice cycle of apology and disappeared into thin air – that was so random but kind of funny as a comment on commentary. This whole plotline was pretty ridiculous and allowed for some really funny lines, but…but…I don’t think the meta commentary of including the backlash to his play in the actual show excuses the issues. I’m not the person who can say so definitively, but I’m pretty sure it is still problematic.
But aside from racism! Funnies! AND, a cameo by our favorite nemesis of Titus, Coriolanus (James Monroe Iglehart)!!
I’m not sure what Kimmy was up to this episode besides just being around as a sidepiece. That’s what that means. I loved the very-Kimmy cold open, with her asking Titus heated questions about why the ghosts are haunting poor Pac-Man! I also liked the blink-and-you-miss-it posters on the street for Silverfish Poison, a nice call-back to Episode 1.
As for Titus, while we can be happy that he found the motivation and energy to write and stage a one-man play, the result is bound to create a crapload of controversy. The silver lining in this probably racially insensitive bit is that there was some actually funny comedy sprinkled amid the storyline, unlike the definitely racially insensitive Native American b.s.
So what was his play? Remember at the beginning of episode 1, which was a peek into the future with various Christmas stockings hanging for names we didn’t know? One of those names was Murasaki, and we learned who that is here: one of Titus’s personas from a past life, that of a Japanese geisha. Yes, Titus’s one-man play was him in…Japanese face, in geisha attire, singing old traditional folk songs and telling his/her story. The writers tried to preempt the controversy this plot would face in real life by having Titus face controversy in the show, by way of an online Asian community that named Titus one of its “Hitlers” for his racism and cultural insensitivity. The group bought all the tickets to his show in order to boo throughout. But then Titus sang and it was beautiful, so beautiful it made the internet Hitlers stop booing him and stop calling him a Hitler. And then one girl got stuck in a social justice cycle of apology and disappeared into thin air – that was so random but kind of funny as a comment on commentary. This whole plotline was pretty ridiculous and allowed for some really funny lines, but…but…I don’t think the meta commentary of including the backlash to his play in the actual show excuses the issues. I’m not the person who can say so definitively, but I’m pretty sure it is still problematic.
But aside from racism! Funnies! AND, a cameo by our favorite nemesis of Titus, Coriolanus (James Monroe Iglehart)!!
I’m not sure what Kimmy was up to this episode besides just being around as a sidepiece. That’s what that means. I loved the very-Kimmy cold open, with her asking Titus heated questions about why the ghosts are haunting poor Pac-Man! I also liked the blink-and-you-miss-it posters on the street for Silverfish Poison, a nice call-back to Episode 1.
Carol Kane in half a minute proves how good an actress she is, when she realizes that the graffiti tag she thought was for the gang ‘effe 10 cinco’ was really spelling ‘Fios’, marking where the new Fios cables would run in her sadly gentrifying neighborhood. You can see how crushed she is and like, it’s so out of place and weird for this show but your heart breaks for her because she’s so damn good! She’s not a witch she’s your wife!
“Sesame street was based on this neighborhood because this guy lives in a garbage can, AND, there’s a gigantic furry monster that only I can see.” I love her.
Other lines that had me cackling – this is maybe the longest list you’ll ever see:
Kimmy, in response to Titus’s claiming he was a Japanese woman in a past life and will be portraying her in a one-man show: “Well, if Aisha Tyler can play a white woman on “Friends”, then I guess it’s okay.” BURN at “Friends”! I’m okay with it! deserved!
Our first greatness that can only be captured with video: Amy Sedaris, the great Amy Sedaris, who is sort of the antithesis of the Fred Armisen sitcom rule (she is a guest star in a lot of them, but she’s always welcome), rushing into Jacqueline’s apartment as Jacqueline shouts “No shoes on the rug!” Cue Amy kicking off her shoes with expert timing and skill. Had to pause for you, Mimi Kanasis.
Titus’s show was called “Kimono You Didn’t!” Bahaha! I think they thought of this joke first and then wrote an entire plotline around it.
“No face journeys”
Jacqueline: His name is Douglas, and he’s coasting on looks!
Douglas: YOLO!!!
I also cackled at this interaction with Jacqueline and her wanna-be DJ boytoy:
“No face journeys”
Jacqueline: His name is Douglas, and he’s coasting on looks!
Douglas: YOLO!!!
I also cackled at this interaction with Jacqueline and her wanna-be DJ boytoy:
Jane is back with the best zingers!
Titus: “DJs? Ew! No! Their poor parents.”
AutoCorrect fun times: Kimmy gets a text: “Sorry guys, Jacqueline needs me to get the duck over here.” It’s not the funniest autocorrect joke I saw on TV this week (that honor goes to “Jane the Virgin” for making me absolutely crack up when a tipsy Jane texts Raf “All food here!” Amazing quick joke) but it was improved by Kimmy’s comment “Now I have to figure out where to get one”.
Kimmy, telling Titus she sold out his show: “Guess who’s coming to see it?”
Titus: “Patti LuPone? Patti LaBelle. I’m out of Pattis. Does it have to be a Patti or did I do that?”
And, my favorite of the episode:
Kimmy: “What happened to all your other kimonos?”
Titus’s response, only acceptable in video form:
Titus: “DJs? Ew! No! Their poor parents.”
AutoCorrect fun times: Kimmy gets a text: “Sorry guys, Jacqueline needs me to get the duck over here.” It’s not the funniest autocorrect joke I saw on TV this week (that honor goes to “Jane the Virgin” for making me absolutely crack up when a tipsy Jane texts Raf “All food here!” Amazing quick joke) but it was improved by Kimmy’s comment “Now I have to figure out where to get one”.
Kimmy, telling Titus she sold out his show: “Guess who’s coming to see it?”
Titus: “Patti LuPone? Patti LaBelle. I’m out of Pattis. Does it have to be a Patti or did I do that?”
And, my favorite of the episode:
Kimmy: “What happened to all your other kimonos?”
Titus’s response, only acceptable in video form:
Kimmy’s face & nodding while Titus just crazily yells! It’s all so good! Titus was totally back to his bad self with all these amazing lines. THIS (next) was the best part of the episode too, and one of my favorite parts of the whole series, maybe:
After reading bad online reactions to his portraying a Japanese woman, Titus complained “Why can’t I be Murasaki? I/she AM/was me/her!”
After reading bad online reactions to his portraying a Japanese woman, Titus complained “Why can’t I be Murasaki? I/she AM/was me/her!”
Absolutely brilliant!!!
EPISODE 4: Kimmy Kidnaps Gretchen!
Remember the above recap you just read that had a metric shittonne of quotent quotables? Well, hate to say it, but I think they used up most of their funny lines on that one, leaving a few paltry bits for Episode 4. The good ones were really good, but they were few and far between.
However, there was more heart in this one than any other so far. Titus has agreed to go on a date with incredibly normal construction worker Mikey, who seems like a totally decent, kind, average guy and thus a very odd match for the bigger-than-life personality of Titus. But for a long time, Titus has been shielding his heart from any potential hurt by keeping men at arm’s length and never going on a second date. He plays this off as his being too cool for school/mere mortals, but he admits that most of his exes just never cared enough to come back. Really sad! I don’t want Titus to be sad! I want Mikey to make him happy!
I love loved their first interaction, when Mikey surprised the still-coccooning Titus hours before their date because he was fuh-reaking out with anxious prep questions:
Mikey: “If we go to a gay bar, can I get a beer? And which one of us opens doors for the other? Or are there no doors? Do we not use doors?!?!?!?!”
Titus: “You gotta make like a 30-year-old single girl and settle.”
At first, their dynamic is played from the angle that Mikey is this totally new baby of a gay man, freshly out, which would leave Titus with a lot of responsibility to teach him all the secret handshakes and stuff. I loved when Titus is complaining about how big a job it would be to teach Mikey all the things “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”-style, but how that show had it so much easier:
Titus: “I’m just one man! They had five guys! And now I want a hamburger!!”
They go on their first date to a hot gay bar/club that won’t let them in because they aren’t hot/cool (is that confusing for ESL people) enough, which leads to the funniest stretch of the episode. First of all, did you notice the name of the club?? It was SCOTUS! Bahahahha amazing. When they dejectedly walked away from the velvet rope, this genius happened:
Titus: “Should we make like Queen Elizabeth and dub this a night?”
DIED.
But instead, Titus and Mikey bonded by talking about movies, especially ‘The Lion King’ and how Timon and Pumbaa had the most beautiful relationship. Titus even allowed himself to break his #1 date rule: he ate in front of him. His issues run deep though, and Lillian found him alone in the morning, deciding to never call Mikey again, despite Lillian’s romantically covering the bed with rose petals – or really, barbecue potato chips. It sounded kind of dumb until we actually see Titus lying in the bed covered in chips! It was so funny when he moved around and the chips flew all about. Ridiculous! Then he and Lillian had another spectacular exchange:
Lillian: “Liar!! I watched the parade of men in and out of your door for ten years!”
Titus: “Well you should thank me – most people pay good money for parades.”
FIRST OF ALL, Carol Kane said Liar!!! Ahh! Thank you writers room! And this Titus line was gold. I loved this whole story line with Titus trying to work out his deep insecurities enough to Mikey a chance. I also loved how the dynamic was flipped by the end of the episode, with Mikey our nice guy being the one who has to agree to take on the burden of helping Titus with his issues, not the other way around. ALSO, Titus at one point said, “I once went to a New Years Eve party dressed as Nathan Lane Bryant; it was moderately well-received.” Best costume hybrid idea since Sandra Dee O’Connor, Dirty Harry Potter, and Tinkerbell Tailor Soldier Spy!
Sadly, while Titus had this great storyline, one that actually might give this show a plot we care about for more than one episode, Kimmy had a not-so-great one: Her old bunker-sister-wife Gretchen has found her way into yet another cult, this one based around cosmetology. Other sestra notified Kimmy about it by emailing an ad for the cosmetology cult’s cruise, leaving NYC the next day. This led to another wonderful rendition of the Bunny & Kitty theme song, thankfully. Kimmy somehow became an evil genius and figured out a smart way to kidnap Gretchen – put “Gretchen check-in” signs near the Crew check-in signs at the docks to lead her out. Worked a treat. But then we had a whole episode of Kimmy trying to help Gretchen figure out what she wants in life instead of just following another cult leader. I don’t care about Gretchen, guys. Like at all, she sucks. Give me a whole episode about the crazy Mexican sestra, that would be AMAZING. But Gretchen is lame sauce, and while her crazy night had a few funnies, it mostly made me feel like I was watching an Italian farce where I just want to stop people from doing dumb things. The end, with her finding her ‘path’ by starting a cult and being the leader instead of being a follower, was um not the greatest. Cults are not good, whether you are being taken advantage of or taking advantage of others. So, um, let’s get back on track next time!
Also? Zero Jane Krakowski in this episode! What is THAT about?! I hope next week Jane is back in top form and Titus & Mikey are happy!
***
Do you need a refresher on Episodes 1 & 2? Find it here!
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I saw Pretty Woman: The Musical So You Don’t Have To
It’s Theatre Thursday! Today’s show is Pretty Woman: The Musical, which is playing on Broadway at the Nederlander Theatre.
You know how sometimes things are so bad and you wish a) that you could go back in time and Not Do Them and b) if you can’t go back in time at least Not Think About Them for maybe hey just a minute out of your day but instead you are constantly plagued by the harrowing memories that pop up at the most random times like when you are working or in the middle of the night you’ll just wake up and be like FORK ME THAT WAS BAD? Pretty Woman: The Musical is currently playing on Broadway. It opened what seems like an eternity ago but it is still the current season, and with Broadway’s award season officially begun, it’s time to talk about the show (because none of the nominators will heyooooo!). To quote another beloved movie the musical version of which would probably never live up to how great the movie is, gird your loins.
I understand the desire to capitalize on a known property, since having such a built-in fan base and incredible brand recognition makes it seem like a slam-dunk. But with those fans and that recognition comes, in this case, a movie that is so adored that the unavoidable comparisons between the two will always favor the first. With a movie as beloved as Pretty Woman, the odds of making a musical version that’s better – or even equally good – were (to quote another perfect beloved movie with a new, beyond disappointing musical adaptation) mmm slim to none.
Musicals like Mean Girls (I can’t believe I’m about to praise Mean Girls) took that likelihood and improved their odds by keeping a few aspects of the original that fans would expect (“She doesn’t even go here!”) but adding a ton of great new things (still laughing about “Je m’appelle Sasha Fierce”). Thanks to Tina Fey, the Mean Girls musical book is chock full of hilarious lines that are maybe even funnier than the movie’s. Though the musical isn’t great, it’s still enjoyable in its own right because of its updated book (and a smattering of good songs). There’s no way an adaptation can succeed without giving a strong reason for its existence by offering new, quality features.
There’s a line between these two needs, the need to give fans what they love about the original while offering something new and worthy that validates the musical’s existence. But? Guys? It’s not exactly a thin line. It’s pretty easy to land somewhere in the broad Venn diagram section of a finished product that includes two kinds of material: new and old. Yet despite having wide margins, the team over at Pretty Woman landed squarely outside the success zone – because they added nothing new. Well yes there are songs now – songs that sound like Bryan Adams rejects from the early ‘90s (and with Bryan Adams and his songwriting partner Jim Vallance responsible for the score, that makes sense (although you’d think a successful songwriting duo would have come up with at least one decent song here (which makes me think these literally were songs they wrote decades ago and were told weren’t good enough for radio play))). But the score does absolutely zilch to tell the story. Some of the songs had me scratching my head as to how someone thought that was appropriate for this character at this moment.
But the real problem is the book. They are literally regurgitating the movie word for word. My sister-in-law and I love the movie, and like any god-fearing American citizen we know most of it by heart. But if you also know the movie well enough to recognize all the lines, then you already know every line in the stage version. It’s literally a word-for-word retread of the script, and that’s its biggest flaw. How can you prove you deserve to exist, little musical, if you copy the movie and don’t offer anything in return? Even all of Vivian’s COSTUMES are the same – the iconic white suit and black hat (complete with the ‘big mistake, big, huge’ moment said verbatim), the iconic red gown worn to the opera (complete with Edward closing the jewelry box on Vivian’s hands all done verbatim). (One of the things I keep thinking about is why, amid all these copied costumes, they changed the color of her polka dot polo-match dress from brown to blue. WHY! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN! I can’t stop thinking about it. That’s the only thing they changed from the whole movie.)
With every line copied, you’re forced to remember how the original cast said their lines, so when you hear this cast trying to make things their own, it just sounds wrong. And that’s the entire show. The cast – this cast of amazing talent, including Samantha Barks, Orfeh, Eric Anderson, and ffs ANDY KARL – is given nothing new to make their own, just an old script full of lines that the audience is expecting to be said a certain way but they, being living breathing actors and not automatons, want to make their own, so the result is just cringey discomfort. Everything feels wrong. I wish someone had written a different script. Oh I forgot, the only difference is that when Stuckey tries to rape Vivian she beats him up. Which is great, but it doesn’t do anything for the story this way so why not just write a different scene? Why didn’t anyone write anything new?!
Literally the only great thing about the show was that Orfeh says ‘cockroaches’ like a real New Yorker. I think she and Natasha Lyonne are the only two broads in the biz who accurately and amazingly say ‘cocka-roaches’. So that made me happy. Hundos of dollars and 3 hours of my life and a wasted slot where I could have seen something else happy? Mmm (to quote another movie that should not get a musical version) how about no, Scott.
The Summer Season at Pitlochry Festival Theatre
Yes I am aware summer is over, I’m cold.
This past summer we at Ldeezhy had the pleasure of seeing three shows at the Pitlochry Festival Theatre, a lovely (and recently refurbished) venue that all tourists and residents of Perthshire, Scotland should visit when they visit the most beautiful part of the UK (hopefully not for long! Not that other places will take that crown, I mean because it won’t be part of the UK anymore, sink that ship yourselves Tories). We started with Noises Off, followed by Little Women, and ended with Private Lives. Some pretty classic shiz up in here! Getting through this backlog of posts y’all!
The PFT is a repertory theatre, with a resident company, so you see the same actors regularly. Rep theatres are so interesting, because someone will be amazing in one show and then completely miscast in another, but I guess it makes sense here because the pool is smaller? It kind of reminds me of high school drama club in that way. Well and also because they’re doing Noises Off, which we all did right! Okay my school is the only one that didn’t but I know yours did. My best friend was the stage manager! So let’s start with that beloved comedy classic!
Noises Off
Noises Off is one of the few shows that I don’t think I can get sick of. We recently saw the latest West End revival in…my god it was 2019, I guess not so recent, JFC. But that was sensational, because a) Matthew Morrison was sitting behind me (THAT’S EXCITING!) and b) it was directed by Jeremy Herrin, who directed the 2016 Broadway revival that cannot scientifically ever be topped, it was 104% perfection even before accounting for Megan Hilty’s performance in a role no one knew could actually be that funny. Having seen Herrin’s precise, flawless direction on the big stages TWICE, I was thus spoiled for civilian work. The PFT’s production was hilarious, tons of fun, but the direction proved a bit sloppy. In that third act, when there’s very little dialogue but tons of chaotic action and stuff falling and people arguing but with their body language only, it needs to be directed and executed precisely so that the audience has a clue what’s going on. It was a bit too messy. If I didn’t know what was going on, I would have been a little mad that it was so unclear. But not actually mad, because even with the wee messiness, it’s impossible not to keep smiling so hard it hurts your damn face through any production of this show. Also this ensem confirmed that possibly my favorite line in all of theatre is “If it wasn’t attached to my neck I’d forget what day it was.” I mean, I’ve heard that line a lot, but I COULD NOT STOP laughing this time. The best! I also adored that there were two little kids up front who could not possibly have understood all the jokes but they were having the time of their lives.
Little Women
I hate to give her even more power over me, but Greta Gerwig has spoiled me for all versions of Little Women that aren’t hers. Her framing of what Jo was probably forced to include in her book vs. what was probably/definitely true of its author is simply too brilliant to ever deviate from again. When Jo all of a sudden finds love that isn’t Laurie, you just KNOW it’s Louisa being like ‘ugh you bastards want her to find a man, here you go, half-assed plot!’ So to see it portrayed straightforwardly feels wrong, and always has, but especially after seeing Saoirse’s wee smirk at us for even thinking for a second that it could have been true for Jo, or Louisa, whatever/whoever/both. But aside from that, this play verzh was very pleasant, though the whole repertory theatre company thing means that some parts were muhmuhmuhmiscast. I’m okay saying that and not feeling mean because the worst cast person in this, so wooden and strange that we were literally like what what what is happening, was good in a different show, so it’s very much not a talent thing. Minor faults in an otherwise fun time. Also shout out for making us realize how f-ing hilarious (unintentionally) some lines are, like when Jo exclaims to fake-professor man about how much ‘boys just love to go around nutting!’ We nudge each other a lot in shows (no talking!) but this might have been the pinnacle.
Private Lives
This was my first time seeing this Noel Coward classic live! What fun what ho! Noel has a cheeky good time with a terrible couple who makes terrible decisions. At the start of the play, the couple isn’t a couple. They have gotten divorced, and they’re each on their honeymoon with new people – and they somehow ended up with hotel rooms next to each other (with balconies, apparently, that don’t have any barrier between them??? security risk security risk! I would have to move hundo p). Their new spouses are nice plot devices, but you know from the get-go that the two terriburs are meant to destroy these new marriages and end up together again, even though they can’t go five minutes without fighting. What a lark! The cast of four? no five! there’s a housekeeper! does a great job of painting terrible people you can’t stand in different ways. The central couple nails the whole shibang, but my favorite performance was that from Nalan Burgess as the terrible man’s new wife for a hot second (I am too tired to go look up names of characters) who does some of the best theatrical over-the-top wailing I’ve ever heard. I was HYSTERICAL, her crying was so good and so big and it kept getting bigger and funnier the longer it went on. Just excellent work. Overall, it was a strong production, possibly the tightest of the 3? I mean Noel Coward is always a good time, it’s not like it’s Pinter.
INFORMATION
The Pitlochry Festival Theatre is an enormous space that I don’t think could ever be filled even if everyone in town during the height of tourist season came, so there’s usually room to move around away from people, which is the greatest thing you could ever ask for when out in public. The theatre went through a recent refurb and it shows, except for the bathrooms which didn’t get the memo, which is a shame but there’s never really a line. The bar has vegan treats (but not ice cream) and little water fountain spouts. All in all a fantastic theatre. Stay tuned for another (actually recent) show coming later this week!
