One Short Day in the Capital City: A Quick Tour of Brusselsby Randi / January 6, 2020Today’s theatre review is Curtains, currently playing at London’s Wyndham’s Theatre until January 11.
Let’s address the elephant in the room first. I love David Hyde Pierce (who doesn’t?), but I am still a bit of a salty salty dog over his semi-surprise Tony Award win over Raul Esparza (in Company) in 2007. DHP won for the then-new musical comedy-murder mystery Curtains, which I enjoyed on Broadway due to clever story-telling and pitch perfect casting, which, okay fine, included DHP’s flawless performance as one of the most inventive new musical theatre characters in recent memory. Now that the sting of Raul’s loss is somewhat faded, I was eager to see Curtains again without the resentment my younger self harbored over a nonsense award. Currently in the West End for just a few days more, and starring English comedian Jason Manford, I can newly appreciate Curtains as a fun romp of a show that despite its flaws guarantees a good time.
Curtains features a score by Kander & Ebb – I know – so right off the bat you’re like ‘oh this is for real.’ Though it doesn’t boast any future classics, the score is serviceable and fine, with some really good parts. I find the book, by Rupert Holmes, more impressive and funny. It helps that the story this musical tells is so clever: It’s opening night of a musical’s pre-Broadway premiere in Boston (I was just at one of those!), and the horrendously untalented leading lady is murdered during final bows! Egads! Lt. Frank Cioffi of the Boston PD is on the case, investigating cast and crew as they’re on lockdown in the theatre, which is too perfect for him since he is…an enormous musical theatre fan and amateur performer. I just love that SO MUCH. What a fantastic character! (I said that in Fred Armisen’s Mr Birch voice from Big Mouth, if you couldn’t tell but you could.) More murders happen and more twists and unexpected turns, but through it all the most important thing isn’t that people keep dying – it’s that a musical is being made, people! No okay the lackadaisical attitude most of the characters have to multiple murders is kind of weird, but I do understand valuing good theatre above all else so can you really blame them. (Ok no it is kind of weird.)
Though comparisons to a master like DHP are unavoidable and no good for anyone, Manford is very capable and fun and his Cioffi is an amiable goof who can’t help but comment on the show – and actually help improve it – instead of focusing on his investigation. His departures from his intended role and inability to control his enthusiasm for musical theatre is a MOOD, as the yoots say, and I love it, obviously. As writer-turned-unwitting-star of the show-within-a-show (called Robbin’ Hood of the Old West…it seems…terrible), Georgia is played by Carley Stenson, best known by most of the UK from the classic TV show Hollyoaks but a veritable West End star on her own merit. Her voice is wonderful, and her performance in general, although I could deal without all the Robbin’ Hood choreo trying to make her overly sexy. Other performers who stood out included Emma Caffrey as Bambi, the allegedly ditzy dancer, and the too hilarious Samuel Holmes as the bitchy director.
This show could benefit from about 20 minutes of fat trimmed off; it would make it a much snappier show that vibes better with its intended tone. In fact, I’m pretty sure it was at most 2 ½ hours on Broadway, but the moments of too-slow pacing in London have extended it to almost 3 hours! That’s nuts! And it’s too bad that the score highlights the show-within-a-show numbers more than the ones that tell the story, like the repeated “In the Same Boat” bits and the entire Robbin’ Hood saloon/brothel-y number “Thataway!”, which felt like it was 15 minutes. Even with the important events at the end of that number, it should be at least half as short. Same with the Singin’ in the Rain style “A Tough Act to Follow”, it felt way too long (but maybe because the love story between Cioffi and Niki, one of the actresses, is too hard to buy). But there are some great songs that are performed very well, like the best of the score “Show People”.
So even with some slow moments, and too much focus on Robbin’ Hood, and despite how godawful I’m sure Robbin’ Hood is, Curtains is a fun and funny whodunit that succeeds despite some flaws. What struck me most is how perfect this show is for high school and college, since there are SO MANY great parts, all of which get a chance to really show off. And there’s so much humor and good will that it’s always pretty enjoyable.
INFORMATION
Curtains ends its run at the Wyndham’s Theatre on January 11. This audience was shockingly well behaved!!
The Wyndham’s toilets situation is a travesty: if you are seated in the stalls, the ladies bathroom is house right/stage left and only has TWO STALLS. If you sit in Row E or F, as I did, you will be the first there, but otherwise you have to go upstairs to the lobby to have a chance. TWO STALLS.
Related Posts
“The Ferryman” on the West End: Grim Irish History Told Through Family Dynamics
It’s Theatre Thursday! Today we are talking about “The Ferryman”, currently in the West End until May 19. It is transferring to Broadway in the fall so get your tickets!
I know I tend to be extremely critical of what is in truth fairly decent theatre in London (I take my lead from the basketball coach in “Love & Basketball” (“you think I’d go hoarse for a player with no potential?” = how I live my life)). And while I’ll stand by my affirmation that British musical theatre is in an abysmal state, they do know how to do dramatic plays here. One of the most exciting British playwrights is Jez Butterworth (actual name), and every time he premieres a new play everyone on both sides of the Atlantic goes oh boy in a good way. His play “Jerusalem” won Mark Rylance another Tony and people raved about it even though I have approximately zero idea what was happening on that stage aside from Mark doing a keg stand at one point I think? I skipped Hugh Jackman in “The River” because early reports said he pretty much sits on a log and de-bones a fish for the 2 hours and as fascinating as that shit sounds my attentions were better diverted elsewhere. Luckily, third time appears to be the charm for me and dear old Jez (who I just learned wrote “Spectre” and “Edge of Tomorrow”?? way to get those Hollywood bones Jezzy!) because his newest work “The Ferryman” is astonishing.
I know I tend to be extremely critical of what is in truth fairly decent theatre in London (I take my lead from the basketball coach in “Love & Basketball” (“you think I’d go hoarse for a player with no potential?” = how I live my life)). And while I’ll stand by my affirmation that British musical theatre is in an abysmal state, they do know how to do dramatic plays here. One of the most exciting British playwrights is Jez Butterworth (actual name), and every time he premieres a new play everyone on both sides of the Atlantic goes oh boy in a good way. His play “Jerusalem” won Mark Rylance another Tony and people raved about it even though I have approximately zero idea what was happening on that stage aside from Mark doing a keg stand at one point I think? I skipped Hugh Jackman in “The River” because early reports said he pretty much sits on a log and de-bones a fish for the 2 hours and as fascinating as that shit sounds my attentions were better diverted elsewhere. Luckily, third time appears to be the charm for me and dear old Jez (who I just learned wrote “Spectre” and “Edge of Tomorrow”?? way to get those Hollywood bones Jezzy!) because his newest work “The Ferryman” is astonishing.
Despite Jezzington’s being English, this play about Ireland and the IRA in the 1980s feels as authentic and real and accurate as any play has. For those of you who are like ‘eh what’s the difference’ NO it’s a very big deal and this play tells you why. Granted I’m not exactly the foremost living expert on the subject and literally knew as little as possible about this history while not living under a rock before seeing the show, as I am neither British nor of the 99% of Americans claiming to have Irish blood. But everything I needed to know was effectively communicated by Jezathon’s pitch-perfect dialogue and Sam Mendes’s precise direction, fully transporting me to this other world and filling in any gaps. I had no doubts or questions of ‘why is this happening’ or ‘what does that mean’; everything is accounted for or if not it doesn’t matter because you trust that it will come. The whole feel of the play was masterful. Its three acts weave personal and public stories together in a compelling way, and once it ends (with a roar) you realize everything comes together in an even more extraordinary way.
“The Ferryman” tells the story of the Carney family in northern Ireland during the Troubles, when the Irish Republican Army was getting more and more violent and they ‘disappeared’ nonconformists and fighters were dying of hunger strikes and generally everything was a bit terrifying for mostly everyone, as is normally the case during times of war and/or struggle. The Carneys are a large clan with more and more children seeming to come out of the baseboards as the story begins, including an actual baby. When one of the teenage kids comes down the stairs (really steep really long stairs, mind you, and I was like omg don’t fall don’t fall omg don’t) holding the real infant and not a doll or a wrapped up melon like plays usually use, the audience gasped like they had never seen a baby before. I mean I get it, it is noteworthy and look I am talking about it still, but man alive. The audience similarly gasps and shrieks when live rabbits and geese appear onstage (I do not approve of using animals for your art because most of the time it is unnecessary and here it also adds nothing but at least they treat the animals well? ughhh stop it though).
We meet the apparent heads of the family, Quinn (Owen McDonnell) and Caitlin (Rosalie Craig), in the wee small hours, having a grand time (they do say grand a lot too, these Irish) as everyone else (children, cousins, ancient great aunts and uncles) sleeps. When it is revealed through casual dialogue in a later scene that Caitlin is actually Quinn’s sister-in-law, and he’s really married to a different woman named Mary (we had an understudy and she did not make an impression, although the character doesn’t have much to go for her anyway), the realization is even more dramatic than the one for ‘oh shit that’s a real baby!’ It’s one small example of how the meticulous direction and writing makes everything seem momentous and yet realistic at the same time. Caitlin married Quinn’s brother Seamus decades prior, and they had a son who is now a teenager. But 10 years ago, Seamus went missing, and ever since then Caitlin and her son have been living with Quinn and his family and the extended fam in a situation ripe for drama, not the least of which is that Caitlin and Quinn have been falling in love with each other.
Their world is shaken when news arrives that Seamus’s body had finally been found, putting to rest any doubts about whether he had run off or had been taken out as well as any hopes of his return. Considering how long they’ve lived without him, it shouldn’t have been too difficult to adjust to the truth, especially since many assumed he was dead from the start. But it’s undeniable now that his death was linked to the IRA, and not for Seamus’s own doings but for his brother’s, and so the whole family is in jeopardy until the Mafioso-like boss man is satisfied that the family will stay quiet about it all. Meanwhile, it’s time for the men to bring in the annual harvest and celebrate it, so they invite their cousins in to help with the work and the food-filled celebration, all while we hear of the freedom fighters dying of hunger strikes. The family lives, like everyone does, in whatever protective bubble they can form, but as always the outside world bursts it eventually.
The arrival of the tough male cousins for the harvest brings even more issues, as they are much more politically oriented and eager to join the IRA. Their younger cousins are susceptible to their big ideas, especially Caitlin’s son Oisin (Laurie Kynaston who pretty much shook the entire time to convey how f-ed he was), and their conversations about the fight and what needs to be sacrificed for freedom were stressful beyond belief. The line between what’s necessary for freedom and what should never be asked of someone has never been dramatized so well by simply having young men talk out their asses, as they do. The acting in these scenes from Francis Mezza and Terence Keeley had my blood pressure up so high, like dangerously high, so they must have done a really good job. Fortunately these scenes, of all the male cousins, have the best comic relief. There’s the youngest of the visiting cousins who curbs his constant drinking (as everyone onstage is indeed constantly drinking; they are Irish) with “Well, as they say, there’s only so much whiskey a 13-year-old boy can drink.” And then there’s my favorite line in the whole show, when one of them tells the joke: “You know how you know The Elephant Man was a Protestant? Because he looked like a feckin’ Protestant.” Oh my god it’s my new favorite joke.
Even with all these child actors (who are notoriously weak save for Sydney Lucas), I can’t think of one false note from this cast. I was nervous because we saw the replacement cast, as I was stupid and didn’t really care to see the show when it first premiered because I had musicals to see baby! So we missed out on the great Paddy Considine and Laura Donnelly as Quinn and Caitlin. Laura won the Olivier for this role and – more importantly – appears from my research to be the g-d inspiration for the play, as her uncle was disappeared by the IRA when she was a baby and Jezzothy was like hey partner-at-the-time-is-it-gonna-be-weird-when-we-make-this-play-and-we’re-no-longer-together, that’s sounds like a good idea for a play! Feck, as they say. But I honestly can’t imagine the original cast being any better. I had no idea that Rosalie Craig, who I really like, was going to be in it, so I was excited and my high expectations were exceeded beyond measure. Everyone was fantastic, not least Justin Edwards as Tom Kettle, the slow Englishman who the Carney family helps and treats as family despite all the republicans despising every last English person and wanting to get rid of him simply for his heritage. His Tom pulled at all the heartstrings but good, even though I think the large-and-dim-witted-but-good-hearted-man-who-will-face-tragedy-by-play’s-end trope has been overused in theatre.
Given how much happens and how much we learn about so many characters, it’s surprising that it’s only three hours. The fact that I’m using the word ‘only’ to describe a play that’s longer than my two faves of this season (The Band’s Visit and Once On This Island) PUT TOGETHER and that has only one interval so I had to pee distractingly badly says a lot about how well done it all is. I can’t think of a better written play I have seen over here, honestly. The layers of interpretation and meaning in the writing never seem to reach an endpoint. So much symbolism abounds and so much links the different generations. The title refers to the mythological ferryman, Charon, of the river Styx who collects the souls of the newly dead and brings them from our world to the other, except for those souls from bodies left unburied (like Seamus) who have to wander the shores for 100 years. The darkness of this reference adds even further shadow to this story. The thwarted love between Caitlin and Quinn mirrors the sadness of their own relatives, with both great aunts telling the children the tales of their lost loves. One of those aunts, the best one, named I shit you not Aunt Maggie Far Away (because her dementia brings her to far away places when she isn’t present), recounts at one point her siblings’ dealings with the IRA when they were younger, and how when those interactions came to a head she saw banshees, endless scores of them, on their farm. When she screams at the end that she sees them again, coming to this farm, and that everything mentioned earlier has come full circle as history always does, you realize that Jezzbury does full circle endings better than Amy Sherman-Palladino could ever dream. And that ending, man alive (or not, as it is). I will break my normal rule of spoiling whatever I write about since this one is coming to Broadway next season and I don’t want to ruin anything, so I’ll just suggest that you gird your loins.
“The Ferryman” tells the story of the Carney family in northern Ireland during the Troubles, when the Irish Republican Army was getting more and more violent and they ‘disappeared’ nonconformists and fighters were dying of hunger strikes and generally everything was a bit terrifying for mostly everyone, as is normally the case during times of war and/or struggle. The Carneys are a large clan with more and more children seeming to come out of the baseboards as the story begins, including an actual baby. When one of the teenage kids comes down the stairs (really steep really long stairs, mind you, and I was like omg don’t fall don’t fall omg don’t) holding the real infant and not a doll or a wrapped up melon like plays usually use, the audience gasped like they had never seen a baby before. I mean I get it, it is noteworthy and look I am talking about it still, but man alive. The audience similarly gasps and shrieks when live rabbits and geese appear onstage (I do not approve of using animals for your art because most of the time it is unnecessary and here it also adds nothing but at least they treat the animals well? ughhh stop it though).
We meet the apparent heads of the family, Quinn (Owen McDonnell) and Caitlin (Rosalie Craig), in the wee small hours, having a grand time (they do say grand a lot too, these Irish) as everyone else (children, cousins, ancient great aunts and uncles) sleeps. When it is revealed through casual dialogue in a later scene that Caitlin is actually Quinn’s sister-in-law, and he’s really married to a different woman named Mary (we had an understudy and she did not make an impression, although the character doesn’t have much to go for her anyway), the realization is even more dramatic than the one for ‘oh shit that’s a real baby!’ It’s one small example of how the meticulous direction and writing makes everything seem momentous and yet realistic at the same time. Caitlin married Quinn’s brother Seamus decades prior, and they had a son who is now a teenager. But 10 years ago, Seamus went missing, and ever since then Caitlin and her son have been living with Quinn and his family and the extended fam in a situation ripe for drama, not the least of which is that Caitlin and Quinn have been falling in love with each other.
Their world is shaken when news arrives that Seamus’s body had finally been found, putting to rest any doubts about whether he had run off or had been taken out as well as any hopes of his return. Considering how long they’ve lived without him, it shouldn’t have been too difficult to adjust to the truth, especially since many assumed he was dead from the start. But it’s undeniable now that his death was linked to the IRA, and not for Seamus’s own doings but for his brother’s, and so the whole family is in jeopardy until the Mafioso-like boss man is satisfied that the family will stay quiet about it all. Meanwhile, it’s time for the men to bring in the annual harvest and celebrate it, so they invite their cousins in to help with the work and the food-filled celebration, all while we hear of the freedom fighters dying of hunger strikes. The family lives, like everyone does, in whatever protective bubble they can form, but as always the outside world bursts it eventually.
The arrival of the tough male cousins for the harvest brings even more issues, as they are much more politically oriented and eager to join the IRA. Their younger cousins are susceptible to their big ideas, especially Caitlin’s son Oisin (Laurie Kynaston who pretty much shook the entire time to convey how f-ed he was), and their conversations about the fight and what needs to be sacrificed for freedom were stressful beyond belief. The line between what’s necessary for freedom and what should never be asked of someone has never been dramatized so well by simply having young men talk out their asses, as they do. The acting in these scenes from Francis Mezza and Terence Keeley had my blood pressure up so high, like dangerously high, so they must have done a really good job. Fortunately these scenes, of all the male cousins, have the best comic relief. There’s the youngest of the visiting cousins who curbs his constant drinking (as everyone onstage is indeed constantly drinking; they are Irish) with “Well, as they say, there’s only so much whiskey a 13-year-old boy can drink.” And then there’s my favorite line in the whole show, when one of them tells the joke: “You know how you know The Elephant Man was a Protestant? Because he looked like a feckin’ Protestant.” Oh my god it’s my new favorite joke.
Even with all these child actors (who are notoriously weak save for Sydney Lucas), I can’t think of one false note from this cast. I was nervous because we saw the replacement cast, as I was stupid and didn’t really care to see the show when it first premiered because I had musicals to see baby! So we missed out on the great Paddy Considine and Laura Donnelly as Quinn and Caitlin. Laura won the Olivier for this role and – more importantly – appears from my research to be the g-d inspiration for the play, as her uncle was disappeared by the IRA when she was a baby and Jezzothy was like hey partner-at-the-time-is-it-gonna-be-weird-when-we-make-this-play-and-we’re-no-longer-together, that’s sounds like a good idea for a play! Feck, as they say. But I honestly can’t imagine the original cast being any better. I had no idea that Rosalie Craig, who I really like, was going to be in it, so I was excited and my high expectations were exceeded beyond measure. Everyone was fantastic, not least Justin Edwards as Tom Kettle, the slow Englishman who the Carney family helps and treats as family despite all the republicans despising every last English person and wanting to get rid of him simply for his heritage. His Tom pulled at all the heartstrings but good, even though I think the large-and-dim-witted-but-good-hearted-man-who-will-face-tragedy-by-play’s-end trope has been overused in theatre.
Given how much happens and how much we learn about so many characters, it’s surprising that it’s only three hours. The fact that I’m using the word ‘only’ to describe a play that’s longer than my two faves of this season (The Band’s Visit and Once On This Island) PUT TOGETHER and that has only one interval so I had to pee distractingly badly says a lot about how well done it all is. I can’t think of a better written play I have seen over here, honestly. The layers of interpretation and meaning in the writing never seem to reach an endpoint. So much symbolism abounds and so much links the different generations. The title refers to the mythological ferryman, Charon, of the river Styx who collects the souls of the newly dead and brings them from our world to the other, except for those souls from bodies left unburied (like Seamus) who have to wander the shores for 100 years. The darkness of this reference adds even further shadow to this story. The thwarted love between Caitlin and Quinn mirrors the sadness of their own relatives, with both great aunts telling the children the tales of their lost loves. One of those aunts, the best one, named I shit you not Aunt Maggie Far Away (because her dementia brings her to far away places when she isn’t present), recounts at one point her siblings’ dealings with the IRA when they were younger, and how when those interactions came to a head she saw banshees, endless scores of them, on their farm. When she screams at the end that she sees them again, coming to this farm, and that everything mentioned earlier has come full circle as history always does, you realize that Jezzbury does full circle endings better than Amy Sherman-Palladino could ever dream. And that ending, man alive (or not, as it is). I will break my normal rule of spoiling whatever I write about since this one is coming to Broadway next season and I don’t want to ruin anything, so I’ll just suggest that you gird your loins.
INFORMATION
“The Ferryman” is playing at London’s Gielgud Theatre until May 19. There is one interval after just under one hour, which means you have to go two more hours without a bathroom break, unless you are the lady in front of me who positively SPRINTED during the 2-minute ‘pause’ between Acts II and III and made it back just as the lights were dimming again so needless to say I have a new hero. I enjoyed my seat on the stage left aisle in the front of the stalls, but be warned that the Gielgud, like the vast majority of London theatres, is a POS when it comes to design so the only bathrooms for the stalls are literally in the back of the stalls, and getting to them if you aren’t in the back is like a Tough Mudder course. Also, there are only 3 stalls. For the whole of the orchestra level. Someone needs to shut down all of the West End and refurbish these theatres until they make one iota of goddamn sense.
AUDIENCE
The audience was fine as far as phones go, decent as far as whispering goes, and horrible as far as being so sick that they should have gone to hospital instead of the theatre goes. Blech.
BEST PART
It’s five minutes’ walk from Yorica, the vegan ice cream salon, so yay because after the play ends and you are like ‘oh my god oh my god what the feck the previous three hours of my life and the previous hundred years of UK history is now falling on top of me and crushing me metaphorically but it all feels so real because well it is real and oh shit is it all going to happen again because of Brexit and what did humans do to this world and ahhhhhh’, you can go get ice cream and you really should because it helps.
Bye Bye Lil Sebastian: The Perfect “Parks & Rec” Finale
Parks & Recreation, the best comedy series ever, ended this past week, and I’ve only just stopped crying long enough to gather my thoughts. We had seven wonderful (well, six wonderful; the first was decent as it found its footing (remember when Tom was serious and sullen?)) seasons of hilarity and love as we watched the greatest comedy ensemble of all time gel and grow together. Every single player was indispensable and at times the funniest member of the team. Parks gave us an endless supply of amazing quotes, stories, and ideas, as well as a cast of characters both larger than life and so much a part of our lives.
The finale somehow wrapped everything up nicely while still being incredibly funny and giving us extremely exciting glimpses into the characters’ futures, one by one. It achieved this by flashing forward from their present day (2017) to little scenes taking place 6 years later, 15 years later, and nearly 30 years later, making last season’s 3-year jump forward look like child’s play.
We start in the Parks Department office, with everyone gathered in 2017 to say goodbye before Leslie, Ben, Andy, and April move to D.C. Leslie is recapping the gang’s greatest hits, yet she’s still reviewing Parks projects from 2005, hence the crew’s unbridled boredom. Two things before we go to our first flashforward, Donna’s. One: The guy who comes in about the broken swing said it’s been broken for three months. Also, he was in a suit, and looked hella creepy, like he was the understudy for the main killer guy in “The Heat”. Why didn’t anyone ask him why he waited 3 months? Did anyone else think (until the end, when it was obvious she didn’t) that Leslie hired him to give the gang a final project? Of course, even if she didn’t, someone else could have. Two: The muffins in the P&R office are ENORMOUS. Pawnee 4 eva.
Donna
First, Of COURSE Donna wouldn’t get kicked out of En Vogue. She kicked THOSE bitches out. And of course she would have been in the top ten on Italy’s Got Talent. But serving on a Nascar pit crew? I don’t see her getting dirty.
Next, how awesome did Retta make Donna over the years? She went from a cheeky background worker to one of the biggest arbiters of taste on TV and in real life. I’m so glad that she ended up with Joe, who is pretty much the best guy ever except for Ben. Keegan Michael Key should have been on the show more. He’s adorable and I’m such a fan.
Seeing Donna happily married, kicking ass in real estate and making tons of money that she used to treat both her self and her husband’s self, felt so real and so right. Underneath all the shallow interests of material things and pop culture, it’s so true that Donna is the kind of generous and awesome person who would start an educational foundation to combat awful budget cuts in public schools. ‘Teach Yo’ Self’ is so freaking wonderful and I love that we got to see Donna and Joe do something so incredible together. Also, I’m kind of ambivalent about Seattle, but if they actually built a giant haystack around the Space Needle, to try and hide it? COOLEST PROJECT EVER.
Notes:
We start in the Parks Department office, with everyone gathered in 2017 to say goodbye before Leslie, Ben, Andy, and April move to D.C. Leslie is recapping the gang’s greatest hits, yet she’s still reviewing Parks projects from 2005, hence the crew’s unbridled boredom. Two things before we go to our first flashforward, Donna’s. One: The guy who comes in about the broken swing said it’s been broken for three months. Also, he was in a suit, and looked hella creepy, like he was the understudy for the main killer guy in “The Heat”. Why didn’t anyone ask him why he waited 3 months? Did anyone else think (until the end, when it was obvious she didn’t) that Leslie hired him to give the gang a final project? Of course, even if she didn’t, someone else could have. Two: The muffins in the P&R office are ENORMOUS. Pawnee 4 eva.
Donna
First, Of COURSE Donna wouldn’t get kicked out of En Vogue. She kicked THOSE bitches out. And of course she would have been in the top ten on Italy’s Got Talent. But serving on a Nascar pit crew? I don’t see her getting dirty.
Next, how awesome did Retta make Donna over the years? She went from a cheeky background worker to one of the biggest arbiters of taste on TV and in real life. I’m so glad that she ended up with Joe, who is pretty much the best guy ever except for Ben. Keegan Michael Key should have been on the show more. He’s adorable and I’m such a fan.
Seeing Donna happily married, kicking ass in real estate and making tons of money that she used to treat both her self and her husband’s self, felt so real and so right. Underneath all the shallow interests of material things and pop culture, it’s so true that Donna is the kind of generous and awesome person who would start an educational foundation to combat awful budget cuts in public schools. ‘Teach Yo’ Self’ is so freaking wonderful and I love that we got to see Donna and Joe do something so incredible together. Also, I’m kind of ambivalent about Seattle, but if they actually built a giant haystack around the Space Needle, to try and hide it? COOLEST PROJECT EVER.
Notes:
- Who do you think runs Middle Korea?
- April is pregnant in this very first flash forward.
- “The school cut the math club – and – math.” Prescient.
Craig
Craig singing in Tom’s Bistro two years later is so perfect. I love that he and Typhoon end up together only because Craig reluctantly said, ‘Okay fine ugh.’ Ahhahaha. And Horatio Sanz married them! Ron as Typhoon’s best man was ridiculous but it still made me cry. I’m so glad that after Ron’s barber died he was able to forge this unlikely yet perfect friendship with Typhoon based on their shared hatred of Europeans.
Craig was underused in this past season, not given opportunity to be nearly as hilarious as his first few episodes on the show, when he gave us such gems as “That was so spot on, I need to go lie down for 45 minutes. NO, AN HOUR. A GOOD HOUR”, and of course his rant on behalf on Donna about different kinds of lawn: “Yes, I have a disease, it’s called caring too much??? And it’s INCURABLE!!” At least we are getting more Billy Eichner in real life, where he is exactly the same as Craig but louder.
Did you catch that the champagne Typhoon and Craig were served on that ridiculously sick airplane when they were way way old was Jean-Ralphio label? Looks like he got out of TaJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIkistan alright!
The Sapersteins
Speaking of, his faked death and insurance scam plot with his sister Mona Lisa (who’s the worrrrrrrrst) was absolutely PERFECT.
They are such awful people and it’s totally believable if not downright obvious that they would do such dumb things after we leave them.
Poor Jean-Ralphio loved Leslie the whole time, as we knew. I almost feel bad for him but not because he’s a terrible person. Whom I love. His final scene with Leslie may have been his best ever. “Will you do me one final solid…of pretending to be my wife for an insurance scam BUT THEN WE FALL IN LOVE FOR REAL?!” Hahaha I died. His face at that last part was too sweet, and then of course he ruined it by continuing: “Also can I have a pair of your gym socks it’s not for anything weird it’s just a fetish I have.” Cutting immediately to his grave after Leslie says “I hope you have a long and happy life” was super dark (and hilarious), so I’m glad that he was watching his ‘funeral’ from behind a tree with Mona Lisa and they were faking the death for, yes, an insurance scam, planning to use the money to build a casino in TaJIIIIIIIIIIIIkistan which would probably be a huge failure. But we know from Craig’s way way future that Jean-Ralphio ends up having a winery so SHA-BOOSH! for him. I hope he’s fluhusshhh with cahashhh.
April & Andy
I love how even when Andy is at his dumbest (“Shotgun!” “We’re taking the elevator.” “I GET TO PUSH THE BUTTONS! I called it!”), she always has his back (“HE CALLED IT.”). Their relationship is, like every relationship on this show, so lovely and feels so real. I am going to miss them. I really liked seeing them in D.C. still hanging out with Leslie and Ben. When we shoot to Halloween in the near future, did you notice that one of the trick-or-treaters that Andy opens the door to was dressed as Chris Pratt’s character from ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’?? How adorable is that! I’m glad we got to see Janet Snakehole, Burt Macklin, and little Champion again, even though there wasn’t enough Champion. Poor little guy is old now! “I have to ask, how many legs did the dog have when you found him?” This is still one of my favorite quotes from the entire series because, even though Ben says it, it says so much about Andy. (I also love that Chris Pratt apparently suggested that Andy’s cause of death would be being locked in a hot car. True.)
The only non-perfect thing about the entire episode was the ‘discussion’ about having children between April and Andy. Even though we already saw that April was pregnant in the first flashforward (Donna’s), their decision to have kids felt rushed. Or really nonexistent. It was very April to have her be totally on board with the stretch marks, weird veins, and puking, but not for the child part. However, her mind seemed made up against having kids; she did not seem just “on the fence” as they said. They should have made her seem more undecided, rather than so against kids, so that her eventual pregnancies don’t seem so wrong for her. It felt really strange to hear her say pretty decidedly that she didn’t want them, and then see her having one.
When we do see April in labor, I forgot that Dr. Saperstein was already an established character so for a second I thought having Henry Winkler as the ob/gyn was a reference to Friends, when the guy who delivers Phoebe’s triplets thinks he’s the Fonz. Everything makes me think of Friends! (The Parks finale was 10x better. Than any finale.)
Notes:
- SANDRA DEE O’CONNOR. Unbelievable costume! Doing it next year.
- CONES OF DUNSHIRE 2! “Gameplay magazine called it ‘punishingly intricate’.”
Tom Haverford
Tom’s meeting with his investors was so good. I love that his investors are Ben, Ron, and Donna, and that during business hours he refers to Ben as Accounting Nerd. “I’m a Congressman, man, can you at least call me Ben?” “No can do Accounting Nerd.” And OF COURSE Ben recommended adding calzones to the menu. Perfect touch!
After the complete combustion of Entertainment 720 and the downward trajectory of the initially promising Rent-A-Swag, it felt kind of strange that Tom was all of a sudden very successful. So having him fail on a larger scale than ever, only to really find success by exploiting/writing about failure, was a genius and super appropriate move.
Tom watching his depressing documentary (that he made himself!) was pathetic but typical, and he looks really cute in glasses. I’m glad that he and Lucy seem happy together despite his failings (“who knew the country would run out of beef?” Um doesn’t everyone realize this?) And it was wonderful to have Tom parlay his business failures into a successful writing and speaking career talking about failing. I loved that his 7 types of successful people were all named and modeled after the main cast members. Tear. I’m happy that he finally (I assume) gets to meet the love of his life, Kendrick Lamar.
Notes:
- The best is later on when the gang reconvenes in Pawnee and Ron says, “Tom. I took the quiz in your book. I am a Ron.” And Ben says, “Last time I took it I was a Tom!” Cue Tom’s super concerned face: “What? No! Take it again! I gotta recalibrate the quiz.”
- “What do we definitely NOT want to be?” Hundreds of audience members: “A GARRY!”
- “I had to sell my pocket square collection! Where are people’s eyes gonna be drawn to?!”
- Jerry: “I’m here with my two best friends, Leslie Knope and Tom Haverford.” Cue Tom busting into hysterical laughter.
Garry Gergich (Jerry, always)
Poor Jerry has been the victim of so much abuse during the entire series, from having his name frequently changed on him and no one ever wanting him around to being the only person Leslie Knope was mean to. All the harm just bounced off of him, but we always felt bad for Jerry even though he never felt bad about any of it. Luckily, the end of the show gave Jerry his Susan B. Anthony, like the end of Ocean’s 13 giving the airport slot wins to the poor tortured hotel reviewer. Jerry, interim mayor of Pawnee, was elected to the office officially, and then continued to be reelected for pretty much the rest of his life.
He lived to be 100, surrounded by his beautiful children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, and of course his beautiful wife Gayle (Christie Brinkley), who, in a hilarious move by the show, never aged. He died in his sleep, and his funeral allowed for several amazing things: a) a later-in-life reunion by the gang, b) the 21 stamp salute, c) his tombstone to be spelled wrong, and d) MOST IMPORTANTLY – a chance for us to see Secret Service agents guarding Old Lady Leslie and Old Man Ben!!!!
Notes:
- Brandi Maxx becomes councilwoman! Ahhhh!
- ONE OF THEM WAS PRESIDENT!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG BEST. SHOW. EVER.
Ron Swanson
In 2022, Ron spontaneously decides to resign as chairman of Very Good Building & Development Co., telling his many brothers (they’re all brothers!) not to get emotional and to give him whatever severance is fair. On the advice of accountant Ben, Ron diversifies his fortune by selling some gold and becoming, naturally, the majority shareholder of Lagavulin. He comes to Leslie at his personal crossroads, when he’s unsure what to do with the rest of his life, and it’s a lovely moment that he comes to her for help. Leslie of course will know what to do, and she just makes some calls and gets him the job of Captain Park Ranger of the Pawnee National Park, the perfect decision. Ron as big boss park ranger of the park they saved together, just yes. I love that Leslie shot down all of Ron’s doubts quickly and when he finally accepted she said “Oh I already accepted for you. I still know how to forge your signature!” As Ron breathes in his new life and canoes out into the lake, they play what we know is Ron’s favorite song ‘Buddy’. That was just mean. So many tears even on the third viewing. Just perfect.
Leslie & Ben
When their segment opens, the ‘nice house’ they are in is the White House, correct? So Biden is president in 2023? I think that’s when it was. Second term? Amazing. Also I loved Dr. Jill’s hot pink dress. I think Mindy Kaling has worn it. The DNC person approaching Leslie about running for governor of Indiana was immediately topped by the appearance of Jen (Kathryn Hahn), the greatest and most realistic political character on modern TV. She is the best. I really wish she met Jean-Ralphio. Can you imagine how amazing they’d be together?
So, what a perfect problem to give our heroes, having to decide which one of them should run for governor when they were both qualified. I like that Ben pulled the car over when they were having an important conversation so he could devote his attention to it. I adore. Leslie naturally made a pros and cons list on their home white board, and the lists were identical for each of them. They meet the whole gang back in Pawnee and plan to run the question by everyone because OH MY ANN’S HERE! YOU GUYS! ANN’S HERE! Leslie’s unbridled joy as she pushes Ben away Elaine-style to get to Ann is my favorite. But how long has it been? Please tell me they haven’t been separated for almost a decade?!
I don’t even remember what brought everyone back to Pawnee for this reunion, but it was one of the best scenes, mostly because Ann and Chris (my absolute favorite) were back, and because we saw little duos break away to talk. Leslie and Chris went into an office so Leslie could give Chris a new list of amazing things to call Ann, since the best he could come up with on his own was comparing her to a ‘nutrient-rich chia seed’ and beautiful Ann is used to the most unique and jaw-dropping of compliments. The new ones include: “Ann, you rainbow-infused space unicorn.” “Ann, you beautiful sassy mannequin come to life.” “Ann, you opalescent tree shark.” In like a 10 second scene, Chris managed to say ‘literally’ and became afraid of a new health threat: “Aren’t you afraid that thing will give you cancer?” “Well now I am.” And I love that we saw Ben and Ann talking for like 2 seconds about Cones of Dunshire and Ann looked SO bored!
I was rooting for Leslie and Ben to decide that Leslie should run for governor, so when she said let’s flip a coin to decide I got nervous. But of course super perfect Ben thought about how much he freaking loved her because who doesn’t and realized how great she is and so he decided for them that she’d run. Cut to about 12 years later, when Leslie, speaking to a graduating class at Indiana University, refers to her two terms as their governor. TEAR. She won! Twice! And the whole gang is in the audience! Screw students’ 4th relatives! But OMG the Dean announced the creation of the Leslie Knope Library! Ahahhahahahahaha! Leslie mutters under her breath, “a fucking library?” How they managed to fit so many inside jokes in this hour is just astounding.
Notes:
- ANN’S DAUGHTER IS NAMED LESLIE. Did you catch that? That’s the sweetest thing ever.
- “Ben will be running my campaign because he’s a super genius and he’s got a tight compact little body like an Italian sports car.”
So this was the best finale maybe of all time, yes? It was a genius move to just hint at the presidency, and to leave it vague whether it was Leslie or Ben. I love that you can pick who you want, but obviously it was Leslie because come on! Best ever! Leslie killed us with this line: “That’s all I want, all of these people in the same place at the same time.” US TOO.
