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How to Fix “Sleepless” the Musical

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It’s Theatre Thursday! Today’s show is Sleepless, the musical based on the movie “Sleepless in Seattle”, which ran in London this past weekend for three performances, for hilarious reasons, and will reappear in March.

Okay, first of all, I know that you (I’m assuming the entire creative team reads this site) have spent almost a decade trying to fix this show and make it happen. You’ve worked really hard and even scrapped the original composers for a new team and new score, so bravo for really trying everything to make Sleepless a success. But it’s not quite there yet. Sure, I am absolutely thrilled (and shocked) to say that it was not a terrible evening of theatre, and was in fact mostly enjoyable and often quite moving. But there’s still some work to do so it can be a great show, and not just a show that people go into saying “okay, if it’s bad, I hope it’s really bad.” Since you proved it’s not one of those shows (the people who want that can go see the Cats movie), it needs a few alterations.

Second of all, I must say that as a lawyer (#surprise), I completely adore the reason why I was able to see this sneak preview premiere of Sleepless last weekend: because of legal technicalities. The show is opening for real in the London in March, but there were three (3) surprise performances this past weekend at the Troubadour Theatre Wembley Park. Why on earth were there 3 performances 3 months before the official run? Because contractual obligations demanded that the show premiere before the end of 2019 or they would lose the rights (so I was told). This is my favorite detail.

So maybe you were rushing, maybe you know that some of the below must happen in order for this show to be better than not bad. But just in case, since you have 3 months, I’ll share what needs to be done. And obviously this is all going to be critical, but as you know (since you read the site), nothing describes my modus operandi more than the basketball coach in Love & Basketball: you think I’d go hoarse for a player with no potential?

ALSO, I must commend you for the changes you made from the movie to the stage. Adaptations cannot be carbon copies, otherwise you get a Pretty Woman fiasco. I was genuinely impressed with the decisions you made to make this a worthy separate version of the story.

Without further ado:

THE BAD

  • You need a new score.

I know, I know, you’ve been trying for yeeeears to nail the score and you thought you finally had it. You don’t. It’s a fine score, and some of it can stay (e.g. the baseball song, contrary to what Falsettos would have taught us, is solid), but it’s unmemorable and too lackluster to capture the magic and romance you should be going for. And it’s not fun. Too much of it fell into the Songs As Described By Buddy The Elf conundrum (“it’s just like talking but louder and longer and you move your voice up and down”).

And while I love Sondheim just as much as the next Person with Taste, your lyricist seemed too focused on making internal rhymes than capturing the meaning of songs. And the end rhymes are still haunting me: Brando with thunder? Calling it Washington Seattle to rhyme with battle? Eek and oh no.

  • Annie needs an early solo.

The lead character we’re supposed to think is the greatest woman left on earth doesn’t have a solo number until the Act 1 closer. What is this, Amelie? She needs to introduce herself so we care about her and believe that she’s the best woman on earth or at least a good choice for Sam. (Also that song, the Act 1 closer, is three different songs in one and only the second part was great. Work on expanding that second melody.) Even her MOTHER gets an early (plodding) song? Cut it or make it a duet! WALTER gets the second song in the show? Make it a true duet so we get more of both characters and not just lists of his allergies.

In general, Annie needs more development. There were hints at having considered her whole ‘talking too fast and jibbering nonsense’ thing as character development, and honestly it would work, but it’s too infrequent to seem on purpose or part of her character and not just a thing she happens to do twice. Who is she and why do we like her? We never really can say.

  • The Rosie role is a shanda.

Why is this bubbly young woman’s best friend this old and dowdy lady? It should be a contemporary of hers. Why are you making this performer look like her grandmother? In that frumpy costuming? I’m honestly offended on Rosie’s behalf. Becky’s big song where she writes and sends Annie’s letter is a heaving pile of clichés and random phrases (with of course lots of internal rhymes). And while she does later clarify that she just ‘edited’ Annie’s words, this song is clearly her typing the letter herself, which is a bad change from the movie. Annie needs to write her own letter. Her friend can send it, but Annie needs to have that power.

  • Cut, by god immediately cut, the ridiculous “Let’s Get Physical” ‘joke’.

In Act 2, Annie flies to Seattle to try to find Sam, and she calls her friend Becky to check in. Becky comes onstage holding hand weights and out of breath, as “Let’s Get Physical” blasts on the speakers. Is the joke that she was exercising and she is struggling? Because fat? Did you have to pay for the rights to use that song for 4 seconds? Did more than one misogynistic fat-shaming ha-wite man think this was a good idea? It is not.

  • Rewrite the chorus to the ‘desperate women’ song.

It’s not my favorite, but I understand that desire to have a song showing that Sam is receiving endless letters from desperate women who heard him on the radio. Fine. But it was not funny, and it should be funny. It’s fine to have them sing their individual desperate letters but the ‘running out of time’ and ‘my eggs are dying’ lyrics in the chorus are so cringey, as was the unnecessary boob-grabbing. Actually that third woman’s whole thing seemed icky.

  • Rethink the hairdos.

Annie has shoulder-length bouncy blonde hair…as does the woman playing Victoria??…as does Dr Marsha Fieldstone??…as do at least two other ensemble members? (Every woman is blonde in this.)This theatre is a g-d barn, and even from my great seat they all looked exactly the same. That’s bad.

  • Stop repeating the chorus from the opening number like it’s a life-altering motif.

I get that it’s your big theme, but it’s not a special enough lyric or melody, and even if it was special, nothing is strong enough to withstand repeating it a dozen times.

  • Cut down the traffic.

I mean this for both on and off stage. It’s an enormous theatre and stage, and honestly, it should be an intimate show. They used projections but no sets. Sets would help, but even if you keep the staging how it is, the amount of stage used can be cut. There were so many moments of just watching people walk in silence across the stage and I was like, what. Bring the wings in closer or something.

Also, I have never seen so much traffic in the audience. Since it’ll be in the same theatre in March, tell the house staff not to reseat people who get up to get drinks every 10 minutes until proper points. It was honestly ridiculous. It contributes to an informal atmosphere where people think it’s cool to talk to their friends the whole time. Actually, people involved with the production were sitting in front of me, and they were talking way too much too. Really pissed me off. I kept imagining what would happen if I said “hey can you please stop talking so much?” They would turn around and the brunette would say, “um, we’re with the show”, to which I would quote Chidi and say “but that’s worse…you see how that’s worse, right?”

  • Cut the line about British people sounding smarter even when they’re vomiting.

Ugh.

  • Cut the line that ruined an otherwise great ending.

I like that you knew people wanted the ending to be as close to the movie as possible, and it delivered. It was very well done, although there should be a song somewhere (maybe before the three characters meet at the top of the ESB, with Jonah singing his way there and Sam singing his way there and Annie singing her way there and they all overlap slowly and then go full Les Mis that would be awesome). But the last-second joke about playing tennis? Nnnnnnnno.

THE NEUTRAL

I don’t understand why the time period is the same as the movie – it adds nothing, and the weird book scene about computers vs. typewriters is pointless. It wouldn’t change it too much to modernize the setting. But I guess it doesn’t hurt to keep it. It’s just whatever.

THE GOOD

  • I may not have loved the opening song, but that opening scene immediately made me cry?? Wtf. It was really well done and just subtle enough. Honestly, every scene with Sam and Jonah was nearly perfect and captured real emotion. Both actors were great, so kudos for finding a non-annoying child actor. I really enjoyed Michael D. Xavier’s Sam, and I’m glad he gets to show off his voice. Kimberly Walsh is good too but deserves the same chance to really show off with a more defined character.
  • I LOVE love the decision to add the new composite character of Sam’s friend babysitting Jonah all the time instead of having the Jessica role (and the Victor Garber role?).  No one could capture what Gabby Hoffman did, and you don’t want to deal with more kids, so it’s a great decision. Their rapport was fun and necessary comic relief. An excellent change.
  • I honestly don’t understand it, but the best acting moment in the entire show came from Sam’s sister and brother-in-law, who had…two lines. Give them more? Bring the rest of the book up to that level?

This show was a lot of fun and it could be great. I’m really impressed by the decisions made in what to keep from the movie and what to change, so I have hope that more great decisions will be made. Call me if you need me but ya know don’t call me but call me if you need me.

INFORMATION

Troubadour Theatre Wembley Park is out in, you guessed it, Wembley Park. It’s right near a location of the BoxPark food hall so that’s fun.

This theatre, man alive, has THE BEST BATHROOMS I’ve ever seen in a theatre. Like stadium style (endless rows! I think at least 40 stalls?) but with nice décor and sinks so it doesn’t look like a stadium. NO LINES. Also, the bar had several pitchers of water that they ALWAYS kept full. Please make the West End learn from them.

With a 7:45pm start time, Act 1 ended at 20:48, and the second act was just under an hour. Perfect length.

There was a good dog in the lobby. I pet him.

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