Sweet Charity at the Donmar: Can This Retroactively Win the Olivier?by Randi / May 16, 2019You tell me Sally Field is coming to London, I’m gonna be there front and center holding up a big sign with GO SALLY! WE LIKE YOU! written in bubble letters. Metaphorically speaking, of course; I’m not a monster. So the chance to see the absolute ledge, what a ledge, perform live is something I’m grateful for. I’m glad I got to see her. What a treat.
You can tell I’m trying to delay talking at all about the play, huh? Okay, well let’s just say it’s fitting that I saw All My Sons at the Old Vic theatre in London in the same week I finished reading Zadie Smith’s book Swing Time, as both were not unpleasant to experience, but ‘not unpleasant’ is literally all I can say about them. There was nothing gripping about either work. While I liked watching both Sally and Bill Pullman (seriously, Bill Pullman! ledge on ledge!), everyone else felt slightly (or heavily) miscast and misdirected. It felt like Arthur Miller’s classic play has aged out of relevance, and rather than feeling like a noteworthy period piece, it instead felt like a dusty relic.
Sally and Bill (I met them; we’re friends) play a married couple of an adult son. Just one son. They had another son but he died in the war (sad). Two sons is still not enough for an ‘all’, you’re correct – the title phrase reveal was one of the only creative turns of phrase in the whole script. Anyway, so the dead son (sorry) had a sweetheart when he went off to war (as they do, as they do). Ever since – three years now – the girl, Ann, has been corresponding with the other (living) (sorry) son, Chris, and THEY now want to get married. This play was written in a time when it was SUPER NORMAL for a girl whose sweetheart died in war to marry the guy’s brother instead, and that is WEIRD. Luckily, the family also thinks it’s weird, but not in a women-aren’t-property-to-be-inherited-when-a-family-member-dies-that’s-super-gross way, more in the they-don’t-actually-believe-their-son-died way.
Turns out, War Son was only reported ‘disappeared’ those three years ago, so even though all signs point to Dead, Sally (let’s just call her Sally) is making herself sick holding onto any thread of hope that her son is alive. Which you can’t really fault her for, it’s so sad. Poor sad Sally! But even WITHOUT the hope that the son is still alive, it’s still super weird to sign off on your other son marrying the fiancee. Oof.
Anyway, the girl, Ann, comes to visit the family so she and Chris can announce the engagement, and we learn about the friction between the two families that exists for reasons other than brother-swapping weirdness. Bill and Ann’s father worked together, and some shady shit went down, but only Ann’s father ended up in jail. Did her father do crimes? Or was Bill guilty but got away with it by throwing Mr. Ann under the bus? The problem with this being the main conflict is that no one cares.
The other main problem with the show is that Chris (Colin Morgan, Merlin) is miscast, and without a strong Chris to really nail all the nuance and emotional beats and relationships, it all falls apart. His choices felt off, like surprisingly off; I’m surprised at the director here. The only confident, successful directorial choice was the very opening moment, with the house moving upstage amid flashing Americana television screens. I’m disappointed that that new, confident display of this classic work wasn’t continued at any other moment.
In fact, the only emotional beat that rang true was an extraordinarily minor moment between Ann’s brother George and a super-minor-character-neighbor-lady when they acknowledged that they would have ended up together had George not gone off to army, mother. It’s like, literally the neighbor lady’s only scene, so great job making your mark, but the fact that nothing else in the entire show felt as authentic is a shame. Of course, London audiences being as insane as they are, they laughed when George declines meeting her kids, even though it’s a heartbreaking moment, but that’s CLA (crazy London audiences) for you.
While I’m sure this play was revelatory in its time, what being about the problems with profiting from war and all the emotional turmoil it causes in its wake, it felt irrelevant today. And some of the twists seemed nonsensical. When Bill Pullman yells at his son (living) in the climax, he all of a sudden asks, “Was the money the problem? You had too much money?” and I literally went, “um, weird flex”, because that was literally the most random reaction to the argument, coming out of nowhere and clearly not the issue. Everything sort of felt untethered like that, disjointed and random. Even the big reveals at the end, both about Bill’s true actions regarding the crime and the other son’s disappearance, feel incredibly unsatisfying. (They also don’t make a ton of sense on examination. If Larry (dead son) knew about the dad’s trial and potential crime, that means it was at least MONTHS since the incident/arrest, and he never once spoke to his family to hear their response or thoughts? He just assumed his father was guilty and then decided to do what he did? do not buy it.)
And yet, despite all this disappointment in the play, I think Sally (and Bill, really) did a nice job. Poor sad Sally was literally shaking the entire time, but you believed that she was a grieving mother with too many traumas to keep in their appropriate boxes, leaving everything threatening to unravel. I just didn’t think this production was strong enough for her talents.
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The Mastersingers of Nuremberg at the English National Opera: Richard Wagner was a Sumbitch
When the representative for the English National Opera took to the stage at 3pm on a recent Saturday and announced that one of the principal actors had a gastrointestinal infection, but would still be performing, and they were just asking for our understanding, well then you knew you were in for a treat of a day. When a prim and proper British woman who works in opera informs you just for the sake of informing you that an opera singer about to sing in front of you might crap his pants onstage, that’s worth the ticket price alone.
And when the people seated next to me were talking about the run time a few minutes before curtain, and one turned to me and asked, “Wait, is this really close to 4 hours?”, and I said “Actually it’s more like 5,” and then I was corrected that it was closer to 6 (with intermissions), well you knew the whole thing would be quite special.
And when the people seated next to me were talking about the run time a few minutes before curtain, and one turned to me and asked, “Wait, is this really close to 4 hours?”, and I said “Actually it’s more like 5,” and then I was corrected that it was closer to 6 (with intermissions), well you knew the whole thing would be quite special.
“The Mastersingers of Nuremberg” is one of Wagner’s supposed masterpieces, not that I think this anti-Semitic assrat really should be considered the creator of masterpieces. Regardless, I went to see for myself, and by god, it was sung in English instead of German. I mean. People. Do the operas in the language in which they were written. I don’t watch the dubbed over version of “Life is Beautiful” and I sure as hell don’t want to hear terribly translated lyrics plunked onto melodies they weren’t meant for. A few years ago, in Vienna, we saw “Rigoletto”, one of Verdi’s masterpieces (actual), and the bastards did it in German. It was HIDEO. I swore I’d only see operas performed in their original languages after that. But I got free tickets to “Mastersingers” and so whatever. It was worth it so I could see in the flesh how bonkers Wagner was. Did he have syphilis? That’s always the cause of ancient times people being craybies.
So “Mastersingers” is an opera in three acts, each one the length of a decent movie, or a regular opera. The show begins in a church with like 100 people who you never see again singing hymns. At the end of the church service, a knight just passing through sees this young girl Eva and falls in love with her (naturally) and she falls in love with him (naturally) and then he approaches her and says hello and what not. Her maid informs the knight that no, the girl isn’t yet engaged, but she’s about to be, because her father is the leader of the Mastersingers guild and has promised his daughter as the prize in the upcoming singing competition. What a cool dad! So the knight, Walther, you’re probably not supposed to pronounce the ‘h’ but I do, has the great idea to audition for the Mastersingers, be invited to join the guild, and then win the competition and be able to marry this young girl he just fell in love with when he saw her from across the room even though her dress is hideous and she wears it the entire show.
Walther goes to the guild meeting, where Eva’s father sings about how great their guild is and how pretty their costumes are. Before he enters, David (Han Sachs’s apprentice (Hans Sachs is the lead role but like is no one important??)) teaches Walther how to sing like a master. In a very confusing lecture, David apparently says that there must be birds, and flowers, but not trees, or some such absolute hilarious nonsense that no one would understand. Walther still tries to audition, with a song about love of course because he’s an expert in that biz now, but is laughed at because he doesn’t know how they do. The town clerk, Beckmesser, is a guild member who reeeeally wants to win the marriage prize and he is really mad that they let Walther audition at all. He makes fun of him a lot. He also is clearly Wagner’s Jewish character, as he’s rich and greedy and cheap and the villain and Wagner wants everyone to hate him, just like he wanted everyone to hate Jews. Wagner’s the worst. Beckmesser is like who let this amateur into our club? And Hans Sachs is like hey be nice, why can’t we give this guy a chance? And Beckmesser’s all “Shut up Hans Sachs and go finish making my shoes dammit why you taking so long to make my shoes?” Hans Sachs is a shoemaker p.s.
First intermission. We moved down to better seats. Then we made friends with old people and tried to identify all the famous German notables on the curtain. Oh yeah, the show curtain was a freaking mass of maybe 200 scary white faces, all famous Germans, including Goethe, Marlena Dietrich, prob lots of Nazis.
The beginning of Act Two is probably my favorite part. We open in the alley between Hans Sachs’s shop/house and Eva’s father’s house. David is informing Eva’s maid Magdalena, who is also David’s secretish lover, that Walther failed his Mastersinger audition. Magdalena becomes so upset for Eva’s future that she forgets to give David the food she brought for him, and then everyone in the vicinity makes fun of him before Hans Sachs saves him and ushers him back to the shop. Let’s go over that. The most terribly sad thing Wagner could think of having the maid do in her sadness was to forget to feed her boyfriend. And then the whole town mocks him because he didn’t get food gifts from his girlfriend that night. I’m obsessed.
Then we see Eva and her father talk about the audition. Her father expresses a little bit of doubt about hosting a singing competition as the means of finding his daughter’s husband. Good thinking, man. He gets over his 2-minute span of doubt right quick though and is all “nahhh whatevs this plan is great, not weird, totally normal for this time period.” He goes to sleep while Eva talks to Hans Sachs about Walther. Hans is like ugh he totally messed up even though we tried to teach him, so you’re probably gonna marry Beckmesser, sorry. And Eva’s like oh god dammit Hans, can’t you at least enter the competition? I’d be okay with marrying you. I mean, I love that new guy, what’s his name, Walther, but I’d be happy with you. Hans is like bitch you tripping.
Then Walther, who, remember, is a knight, and probably left a much cooler life wherever he came from, comes by in the middle of the knight and talks to Eva. They’re wondering whether they should elope but then Beckmesser that awful Jew (Wagner’s words) comes by to serenade his future bride. Since Eva is outside cavorting with Walther, her wonderful maid Magdalena pretends to be Eva at her bedroom window. So Beckmesser is singing to Magdalena, thinking it’s Eva, and Hans Sachs is sitting on his front stoop cobbling Beckmesser’s shoes. It’s all a big jumble of activity in the middle of the night because these people have no regard for their neighbors who are TRYING TO SLEEP DAMMIT. Beckmesser’s singing, Eva and Walther are trying to be quiet in the shadows, Hans Sachs is cobbling and hammering, and then David comes out of Hans Sachs’s house (they live together?) and sees Beckmesser serenading his girlfriend and so he attacks him. David and Beckmesser start fighting and then THE ENTIRE TOWN JOINS IN THE FIGHT. And then everyone is like left in their underwear! And all those people from the very first scene about 4 hours ago are finally given another part in the show and beat up the guys! And then Hans Sachs sends Eva home so she doesn’t elope and the riot sort of stops! And then! Omg and then! This awful scary figure in black holding a lantern comes out of the shadows singing a dirge-like tune – it’s the Night Watchman, and he’s dressed in Angie’s Maleficent costume, headgear and all. It is REDONK. End Act Two.
Intermission Number Two. We go outside and get dinner and ice cream. I am surprised at the number of people out on the streets still and then I realize it’s not even 7pm.
Act Three. There are noticeably fewer people in the theatre. This is a marathon, people. Commitment is half the battle. So we open in Hans Sachs’s shop and he is reading. I remember being bored. The guy playing Hans Sachs is a really good singer though. His name is Iain Paterson. Walther appears and Hans Sachs tries again to teach him how to sing in the Mastersingers style. This time is more successful, and Walther composes a pretty beautiful song. For the first time all day, I thought, oh wow, that’s lovely, I don’t feel like I am being bombarded by the noise of clanging pots, Richard.
This is where things got confusing. Walther leaves to get dressed for the festival, and Beckmesser arrives, still torn up and hurt from his beating the night before. Like, FFS Wagner, this guy really didn’t do anything. He’s mean and annoying but Wagner clearly wants the audience to delight in his misfortune and pain here because he’s so goddamn anti-Semitic. What an asstard. Beckmesser sees the new song on Hans’s desk, and it’s in Hans’s handwriting because he transcribed it while Walther was singing and composing it. But Beckmesser sees that it’s in Hans’s writing, Hans doesn’t correct him, and Beckmesser gets mad assuming that Hans is entering the competition. This is a big problem for Beck because the great Hans Sachs is the best singer or something and is serious competition. Beckmesser’s all “Aw come on Hans you’re breaking my barrrrs!” So Hans gives Beckmesser the song that Walther just wrote. He just gives it to him. And he warns him that it’s hard to sing so he better be careful. Like that’s Hans’s plan, to have Beckmesser sing Walther’s great song but not practice it enough so he ends up messing up and embarrassing himself. Whaaat a plan.
Then Eva arrives and weirdly so weirdly flirts with Hans. She clearly came looking for Walther, and when she didn’t see him, thought the next best idea was to trick Hans into thinking she came looking for him. She dumb. But then Walther comes downstairs and she like cries out in joy and Hans is like see, you love him, and she is like yeah sorry I played with your heart I got lost in the game oh baby baby. Then David and Magdalena appear, and Hans Sachs promotes David from apprentice to whatever is above that, and also is like hey you two should get married, you have my blessing, which apparently was necessary for a man’s sort-of boss to give back then even though both men are clearly over 50 years old. And then the only fantastic part of the entire thing occurs: All five of these characters sing a beautiful quintet with little to no accompaniment, and the opera should have ended there. It was gorgeous. During the applause after this movement, I actually started gathering my things because I thought it was the end. It should have been. But then there was another hour and a half.
But of course it couldn’t be over – we have to see the festival in its entirety! First, all the guilds in Nuremberg show off their skills and wares. It’s the most random procession. We see different art works on display, and like metalworks I think, and then all of a sudden there are five gigantic soft pretzels on display for judging and one gets a blue ribbon. WHAT IS THIS SHOW. I really wanted a pretzel.
Then the Mastersingers have their competition in front of the entire town. Beckmesser sings the song he got from Hans, but he didn’t practice and has no idea how it’s supposed to go so it’s a huge mess of a thing and it’s really awkward and everyone has fremdschamen which they actually know they have because it’s their word, the Germans.
Beckmesser tells everyone that he didn’t write this crap, that Hans Sachs did. Everyone gasps, they all actually gasp, because erma p, how could the great Hans Sachs’s have written this terrible song? Hans is like, people please, A) I didn’t write it, and B) it’s actually a good song so why not let the guy who wrote it sing it how it’s supposed to be sung? And then Walther sings and everyone realizes he should be a Master and so they make him one and announce him the winner of the competition/young girl and Eva is so happy that she can marry the guy she fell in love with yesterday.
BUT THEN, Walther steps back with Hans Sachs and is like…um…Hans…I changed my mind! I don’t want to be a Master NOR do I want to marry this rando! And Hans, oh my god, Hans gives a speech that actually had me rolling in my seat laughing, not believing what was happening in front of me. Hans Sachs, in an effort to convince Walther to accept his prize (a wife) and to become a member of the Masters guild, sings a prolonged speech about how important it is to be German, to continue German art, and how even art like Walther’s that is different and challenging still has to be performed within the existing culture and framework in order to, well, exist, and that he and everyone and all of Germany need “Germany” like their current system/government in order to make their art, be happy, and live good lives. In order to respect Germany and all the good things Germany has done, Walther needs to marry this girl. And then, just when you think this suddenly North Korean ending can’t get weirder, THE WHOLE CAST PULLS OUT LIFE SIZE CARDBOARD CUTOUTS OF THE FAMOUS GERMANS THAT WERE PICTURED ON THE SHOW CURTAIN, LIKE FROM BEHIND THE ACTORS COME HUGE STANDEES OF GOETHE AND VARIOUS GRIMMS AND OTTO VON BISMARCK AND WHO THE HELL KNOWS AND THAT’S HOW THIS SHOW ENDED AND OH MY GOD IT WAS THE CRAZIEST THING EVER.
There’s one more performance, Tuesday March 10. If you have seven free hours, you should go. Or just catch the ending. Worth it.
The 71st Annual Golden Globe Awards Are Tonight!! Let’s Predict Stuff!!
Tonight is one of the greatest holidays of the year! Yes, that’s right, it’s time for the Golden Globes, the most meaningless but most hilariously fun awards show there is. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, queens of the modern era and of my heart, are the hosts again this year, after their stellar turn last year when they made the best joke ever about James Cameron. So yeah, with the two of them entertaining us again, the show is sure to be worth watching. But yes, these are the most meaningless awards out there. I think even the People’s Choice mean more. That’s because the Hollywood Foreign Press is famous for nominating and voting for famous people they want to come to their show and go onstage, regardless of desert. And we have the infamous ‘Musical or Comedy’ movie category, which means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Some of the ‘hilarious’ movies qualifying as comedies this year include the traumatic family drama ‘August: Osage County’ and the depressing-as-shit ‘Nebraska’, along with the tragically serious ‘Inside Llewyn Davis’. See, the movie studios decide what categories they will submit in, so if there’s an abundance of quality dramas that year, cunning/lying studio execs will decide their tearjerking poverty-stricken story is quite funny. Liars, the lot of them. Anyway, so that’s why this shit means shit, but it’s still going to be amazingly fun. Here are my predictions.
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BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
Saw it twice. It’s epic and amazing and as tough to watch as it should be. Please win the Oscar too. BEST ACTOR – DRAMA
All of these men were great, and this could very well be the Oscar list as well. But Chiwetel gives the performance of a lifetime and deserves to win. BEST ACTRESS – DRAMA
Another category that I hope is the Oscar list. All of these women give incredible performances, especially Emma Thompson, but Cate Blanchett’s stunning, haunting work will be hard to beat. BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
If Lawrence wins, I will be so angry. SO ANGRY. Nyong’o was amazing. Also, I wish Scarlett Johansson was nominated for ‘Her’. What a remarkable voice-only performance. BEST DIRECTOR
Russell could win because of the aforementioned conning of the voter pool, but I am rooting for McQueen to triumph for his triumph. BEST ANIMATED FILM
FROZEN BEST MOVIE EVERRRRR! |
BEST PICTURE – FAKE COMEDY
I am begrudgingly saying ‘American Hustle’ because I believe it will win, because for some reason people think it’s the best movie of the year. I don’t even think it’s the 4th best of these 5, but whatever. If I were voting, I would vote for ‘Her’, one of my favorites of this year. It’s incredibly creative and moving. But yeah, ‘American Hustle’ has conned enough voters into thinking it was a good movie that it will win. BEST ACTOR – COMEDY
If I were voting, I’d be voting for Joaquin for his beautifully touching performance. But the HFP loves Leo so much, and they love ‘Wolf’ for being so cool and vulgar (said like Miley Cyrus), so I think he’ll be winning tonight. BEST ACTRESS – COMEDY
Oh my god Greta is nominated!!!! ‘Frances Ha’ was one of my favorite movies not of the year but OF ALL TIME. OF ALL TIIIIME, KANYE! I’m so happy she’s nominated. But she won’t win. Adams could, but I’m going with Meryl because she’s amazing as always and she famously lost last year to Lawrence (famous because of Lawrence’s “I beat Meryl” acceptance speech). BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
I’m hoping so much for Leto. He was so heartbreaking and beautiful in ‘DBC’ and really deserves it, though Fassbender and Abdi would be solid winners too. |
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BEST TELEVISION DRAMA
This better not even be a question. I like when shows are honored for their final season. As long as they are fantastic shows and stellar final seasons, which is true here. BEST ACTRESS TV DRAMA
I would be so happy if Kerry or Tatiana won, but I think ‘Scandal’ has more traction with voters. Probably because IT’S THE BEST SHOW EVER. BEST ACTOR TV DRAMA
Not even a questions. Final season, genre-changing show, done. Although I’d be happy for Liev because I think we are related. |
BEST TELEVISION COMEDY
If Big Bang or Modern Family wins AGAIN, I will cry, because Parks & Rec is the greatest comedy on tv and has been for a while now. It better win, and with Amy hosting, it has a better chance now. BEST ACTRESS TV COMEDY
I’m going with Amy because hosts get a little push in voting, but I’d be just as pleased if the Veep one. So amazing, both of them. BEST ACTOR TV COMEDY
I mean really, Samberg? Nice for him but so silly, these nominations, all of them almost. I don’t even watch ‘House of Lies’ but I am feeling this one. Just as long as it’s not Parsons again right? |
What do you think? What are you rooting for? If this happened already, what was your favorite part? Do you get as angry as I get about the ridiculous things they call ‘comedies’? Did you think ‘American Hustle’ was really the best movie of the year? Did you throw up during ‘Gravity’ like people did in the Gravitron? Enjoy!!!!
