Hamlet at the Young Vic: What Can’t Cush Jumbo Do?

​After the disappointing (and sometimes infuriating) Spring and Summer, Fall was a gift from god. I adored every single second of it. Okay maybe not every single second but the vast majority of the time I was ecstatic. It felt absolutely perfect, maybe because I so badly wanted it to be but also because it was just so good. Instead of Fall, it could be called 100 Minutes of Epic Crying Fits. So much was so beautiful that I sobbed in that choky hyperventilating way. But that’s good! That’s great, really. That means it hit me how I wanted it to. 

In the very first shot, we learn that Lorelai actually did go to the Pacific Crest Trail to do ‘Wild’! I’m kind of shocked that they actually had her go, but I am so glad she did. No matter how out of character some people thought her announcement to Luke at the end of Summer was, I thought her coming to terms with her unhappiness was necessary, and this trip was thus necessary. While obviously something so purely outdoorsy and fitness based is out of character, I think it makes sense that she was at a point that necessitated some kind of change, so I’m glad she saw it through (well, as much as she needed to).
 
And, to get her back extremely into character as we know her, Lorelai cannot pack her backpack in any way. What on earth is she bringing? I mean I overpack always but not to this extent! Where things are popping out of pockets if they get an inch of air, and where she has to duct tape last minute additions to the outside. Like, pretty simple task, Grown Up Lady. But so her.
 
I really enjoyed seeing how regular people reacted to Lorelai out on the trail. Well, out on the lobby to the trail, I believe it is called in proper lingo. Having all the female hikers brought there by ‘Wild’ was pretty hilarious, as was the division that developed between ‘book’ or ‘movie’ followers. I liked all of that. I thought it was adorable that Jason Ritter, Lauren Graham’s costar from “Parenthood”, was the park ranger who informed all the ‘Wild’ ladies that there was a storm coming and they should delay starting till the next day because they’d prob totes die. This also gave us a night to see Lorelai interacting with women her own age, which if you think about it we have not seen at all this entire revival yet. Sookie’s missing, and the only other person who maybe counts is Sutton Foster but she’s reeeeeally not a regular person! 

OH.
 
HOLD PLEASE

Before we continue with Fall, I must address a HUGE OVERSIGHT I just realized from my Summer review. Um, Sutton Foster and Christian Borle, the stars of the neverending, never good Stars Hollow The Musical who have 4 Tonys between them, used to be married!! I forgot to mention that! Isn’t that wild? They are friendly enough evidently, since they are playing a married couple in the musical, but I feel like it’s either cruel or hilarious to make them do such a long scene together. Okay that’s done.

I only realized on second viewing that Rory’s old timey computer had been hacked by the Life & Death Brigade. When she gets to the Stars Hollow Gazette office and turns it on, it says “Get Ready” for a few minutes and she asks Old Man Colleague if he was messing around with it. That’s the same time that Kirk’s pig runs by outside with a sandwich board over it that says “Kick up a rumpus”. So, now it’s obvious that both of those were signs from the LDB boys…which is nonsense. At first I just thought her old computer said Get Ready when it was getting ready, because that’s not weird to assume. And I figured the sign on the pig was something Kirk was doing. I did not think the Life and Death Brigade at all, even though I knew the boys would appear this episode. You might be able to answer how they got to Stars Hollow so early and what on earth they were doing with themselves all day before they made themselves known to Rory that night, or how they broke into the Gazette office which is super duper locked all the time, but how on earth did they know how to hack her computer so that was the welcome message? Just because they went to Yale doesn’t mean they learned any skills, especially for non-computer majors, especially for a computer that is 30 years outdated. Did they pay someone who knows how to do it? I guess I just answered my own big question. Of course they did.

In the next scene, we get another wonderful Jess and Luke scene. Milo is really an MVP this revival, especially acting-wise. His post-Gilmore career has really made him a great subtle actor. He exudes so much warmth, well at least compared to his character in the regular series. He’s making it so clear that Jess has matured, and into a really decent person no less. As usual, his scenes with Luke are so touching. I love how he immediately notices that something is wrong with Luke, and gets him to confide about what’s going on with Lorelai. It’s a wonderful conversation between the two, with Jess still making cracks about Lorelai et al. but letting it come from a place of concern and care instead of jackassery. 

Back on the ranch (what I assume all California motels refer to themselves as), Lorelai bonds over a campfire with the book club, who, like any good book club, have boxed wine from Trader Joe’s. If they didn’t also get peanut butter pretzels from TJ’s we could not be friends. Lorelai tells the girls her story in a perfect conversation. She says her name and where she’s from and I got a little choked up, but soon I was cracking up as the others tried to get her story out of her, the reasons behind her decision to do Wild. (You can’t hike unless you’re seriously f-ed up.) “You’re divorced”, they guess, to which she responds, “No I’m not divorced…Well actually I am divorced but not to the guy I’m currently with.” I thought this was such a brilliant way to address the fact that when we left her in Season 7, she was a recent divorcee, but how everyone kind of brushed that whole episode aside! It was quick and it totally checks out that she would mention it to these people asking about her marital status, and I loved it. But the scene kept getting better, with all the girls guessing her problem, calling out things about Luke like “He cheats!” “He’s dumb!” “He drinks! And he smells!” to which Lorelai responds with a quick fire “Wow I sure know how to pick ‘em.” I loved that!
 
After Lorelai admits to the strangers that she feels lost as the world spins around her, we cut from that great scene to a MUSIC VIDEO about SERIAL KILLERS. Or a way too long segment of the Life and Death Brigade’s gallivanting with Rory. I don’t usually speak out loud to the TV (contrary to what you probably assumed), but when Rory was walking through the town at night and everything was creepy, lights were turning out from storefronts, and somehow a raven spoke to her, when she entered the Gazette offices with the door ajar I actually said out loud, “Is Rory going to die?!” I would not have been surprised. I was so scared! I really thought she was going to die. Again, I’m pretty dumb and did not think LDB. But of course it was these jackasses – Colin (ass), Finn (omg he got so hot), Robert (seriously? He had one scene in the series)….and Logan. Yep, that was not goodbye in Summer. He flew from London, and gathered all his friends (and Robert), and brought everyone to Stars Hollow Connecticut to take Rory out for one last big hurrah before he MARRIES HIS FIANCEE. He is still getting married and they are still having an affair. 

Before we get into all that Rory and Logan talk, we need to talk about this ridiculous music video for these privileged rich assholes painting the town red and buying up tango clubs in drunken fits of spending. First of all, this is way too long. Second, it is way too stylistically absurd, especially in the Gilmore world. This is a very strange film student’s very strange 10 minute short film for his final in avant garde bullshit masquerading as art. I get that the Palladinos had a crazily expanded budget to work with and just had NO IDEA how to spend that money, but an extended sequence filmed on the set of Moulin Rouge, apparently, was not the answer that fits into the Gilmore world. More importantly, while we always have accepted that the Life and Death Brigade does outlandish dumb acts, those acts have always been doable. They do not perform magical acts just because they’d fit in their budget. While we wouldn’t do some of the things they’ve done, their actions have always been humanly possible. So why change that now! How did they make the lights of storefront signs go off when Rory walked under them when they were across the town square? HOW DID THEY MAKE A BIRD TALK? How did they play golf on rooftops lining the town square without getting caught, and without causing immediately noticeable damage when they hit the golf balls off the top of buildings? Like seriously this is NONSENSE.
 
At least they start talking when they get to the Moulin Rouge, I mean the tango club. Because for the entire preceding sequence, they were filming a music video to “I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends”, doing artsy walks in formation and pensive photo sessions for the camera as they walked on the rooftops. Ughhhhhh. At the club, we get some decent lines from the three boys as they hit on waitresses and remind us that they are really truly terrible overprivileged rich boys. Away from them, of course, in a secluded VIP section of the club with a beaded curtain barrier, sit Rory and Logan as they talk about how it was terrible how they ended things and so he had to come back and say goodbye properly, which means both of them forgetting their acknowledgement of their immorality in the previous episode and sleeping together again. Jeez louise. He also offers her one of his family’s beach homes so she could write her book there. His family never uses it so no one would know. And even though his family hasn’t been in years, they still have a cook and a maid on the regs. Cool Huntzbergers you are cool and relatable to humans!
 
The gang makes their way (god I hope none of them drove) to New Hampshire, to an inn that they bought out for the night. This inn is clearly the Dragonfly, right? Just redecorated? Unless all inns have the same floor plan. Logan and Rory immediately go upstairs and we see them again in the morning, as Rory stares wistfully out the window while Amy Sherman Palladino shows a shirtless Matt Czuchry as long as she could get away with. Logan says he has a flight at noon and suggest they get breakfast at a nearby diner. Listen, so there’s no way these people are early risers, especially after the crazy and late night they just had. I would conservatively say they stopped partying at 3am, the most conservative estimate possible, I think. So there’s no way they are easing out of bed any earlier than 9am. What’s he doing if he has a flight at noon! I have a flight at noon tomorrow and I feel like I have to leave now to make it! I mean I’m sure he doesn’t have to go through security or check in or anything because money but still, they are in the middle of nowhere!
 
I can’t spend too much time thinking about that because we are quickly given Logan and Rory’s actual goodbye, the real one this time. This marks the first time ever that Rory’s crying made me cry. Actually it’s the first time Rory’s crying was believable and natural. See, e.g. the therapist in college. But when she started crying saying goodbye to Logan in the room and tried to brush it off, it was realistic and sad, even though they are terrible people. It doesn’t matter right now because this LDB goodbye scene is surprisingly touching. Despite it being so unbelievably annoying in theory, the Wizard of Oz-goodbye to all the boys actually made me cry. Of course I cackled when Rory said to Finn “I think I’ll miss you most of all”, and Finn replied, “Stay photogenic.” He is the best one. In their first demonstration of sensibility, the boys leave so Logan and Rory can say goodbye properly. He puts his hands out and takes a mental picture of her, and when we realize that he’s doing that to solidify how he will always remember her because this is actually it, I got teary again. “Why can’t these two idiots just be together!” The sentimentality of it all made me ask that. When I realized that they could indeed be together, but Logan doesn’t want to rock his family’s dynastic plan and risk losing the billions, it’s less sad. But still, what an end to Logan. (Or so we think.)
 
Back to Lorelai in the woods, she is attempting again to start her hike. This time, a new “Parenthood” costar is the park ranger checking permits, Peter Krause – Lauren Graham’s real-life long-term boyfriend!! I ADORED their extended banter about how she couldn’t find her permit because it was so flinging flanging obvious that Peter was trying to not to laugh. I wonder how many takes it took them, they look like they just want to start making out. It’s really funny to watch his face. He’s like “Wow you are good on this show! But let me do my job!”
 
Of course she can’t find her permit because she refuses to open her Pack of Doom, so instead she tries to find food, and ostensibly coffee. Coffee coffee coffee! Everything is closed though so she walks around nature – because she is still near nature, it’s not all hidden behind the park ranger. She chances upon this beautiful clearing of mountains and valleys and it’s just like a perfect green postcard, and apparently that’s all she needed out of this trip because she immediately has some sort of awakening. Deep breaths, closed eyes, and she’s on the verge of tears. She realizes something and immediately gets out her phone. I was wondering who she was calling, Luke or Rory. Which one will it be, Luke or Rory? When the camera cut to Emily answering the phone I was shocked. Shocked! Emily is sleeping and answers “Hello?” Without an introduction, Lorelai tells her a story of when she was 13 or so. It’s a long, meandering but lovely story about how she stole a shirt from her mother and how her boyfriend broke up with her very meanly, so she left school and went to the mall, where she ran into Richard, who never goes to the mall. It was pure luck that they ran into each other when Lorelai was emotionally crushed. Her usually stoic father, seeing his daughter so upset, instead of grounding her or yelling at her, he bought her a pretzel. At this point is when I (sometimes slow to the uptake) realized, she is calling Emily to finally tell her the story she should have told at the funeral. She finally thought of the perfect story to honor her father and Emily realizes it too and is shown smiling through her tears and it’s so beautiful. It clearly means a lot to Emily, and the long rift seems to be mending.

Apparently that’s all Lorelai needed because when they hang up, she drops her pack by the dumpster and goes home. We cut to Luke and PAUL ANKA DOGGIE in the kitchen, as Luke tries in vain to withstand the pressure of giving in to that ADORABLE DOGGIE FACE, but of course no one can say no to Paul Anka Doggie so Luke drops a steak onto the floor for him. An entire steak. I adored this little interaction, mainly because Paul Anka is so flipping cute and he so doggie and it’s funny that Luke has fallen in love with him too, as all humans would. Lorelai rushes through the door, and Scott Patterson, in his best work in the revival, clearly shows Luke as being happy to see her but also terrified of what she’s going to tell him. As we’ve seen, he expects that whenever she returned from the trip, she would break up with him. It’s not true, but Luke’s belief in this is what he needed, because it shocked him into admitting that she is the most important part of his life and he would do anything and everything necessary to keep her in his life. Finally, my god finally, Luke opens up about things he’s thinking and feeling and tells Lorelai. Thank the f-ing lord. I didn’t believe all the things he said in his exuberant rant – like the stuff about starting a franchise if that’s what she wants him to do – but the emotion and pitch of this outburst was wonderful. I LOVED when he kept going after she interjected and said how they’d been through so much already and had to watch each other have relationships with other people: “There was Rachel, and Max, and Christopher –I had to watch you MARRY that guy and it was awful!” It seemed really important that Luke finally address the marriage, and to have it be in his most honest moment was right. And of course it was wonderful that Lorelai finally stopped him and said what she was really going to say, that they should get married, and that it should be that weekend. It was SO FLIPPING CUTE.
 
We cut to Emily at a vacation home in Nantucket with the new boyfriend (ish) and Berta’s extended family, all the kids and cousins and everything. I’m obsessed with how fine Emily is with the maid’s entire family living with her wherever she goes. There are at least a dozen latinos around and it’s adorable, even though Emily still has no idea how to communicate with them. It shows how much she’s softening and realizing she needs warmth and just other people in their lives.
 
Of course Emily listens to the Bernadette ‘Gypsy’. It might have been a little too on the nose, but I love that she listens to the quintessential crazy overbearing mother show when she is such an important crazy overbearing mother in all of pop culture. And she would never be down with Patti LuPone’s (though she’s my favorite). Emily would find her too loud and brassy. (Hello pot?)
 
Of course Rory is going to write the book at her grandparents’ house. The old instrumental music that scored the original series starts playing, so we know this shit is going to be saaad. Rory walks through the empty house ‘Fun Home’ style, seeing the ghosts of all her memories as she looks back on scenes from the original series replaying. I actually wish we had a bit more of these memories replaying as we watched with Rory. It’s a cheap ploy to get me to cry more but it’s working damn well. And of course she isn’t going to write just anywhere; she’s going to write under her portrait, in Richard’s study. We know what’s coming, and when she opens the door to his study, the camera shifts from her to the desk, where a hologram of Richard is sitting there writing. It is so well done, and so brutal. Brutal! Oh man I have not cried for so long, so hard. Rory takes her seat and opens her computer and that Sam Phillips music is still playing, the “la la las” and it’s wonderful.
 
It might have been all the emotion in my body running up my throat and into my eyes, but I cracked up so hard at the next scene, where Lorelai and Michel are interviewing his potential replacements at the Inn. They are being pretty mean to the candidates, but Michel is so good that it’s funny. He asks the first Aryan guy why he left his last job, and was it to play Rolf in several productions of The Sound of Music. But his questions to the next candidate win the day and I shout-laughed. “So, your name is Molly….” Michel deadpanned, “….why?” He is too good.
 
Lorelai, in a fetching hat, walks through the town and sees that the Old Folks Home that is also a Monastery?? has moving trucks outside. The nuns inside give Lorelai the inside scoop, and it’s clear that Lorelai is thinking of buying it so she can expand the Inn and give Michel more to run.
 
We cut to nighttime in Lorelai’s house, and Paul Anka Doggie So Cute is opening her bedroom door and motioning for her to go see Rory, who is home and who is WAKING LORELAI UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. She came with the first three chapters of her book, and I remember, oh, they haven’t talked since their fight about the book in the cemetery. Jesus Rory! Who wakes someone up in the middle of the night, first of all, and second of all it’s to make her READ?
 
Luckily, they make up, because Rory brought Chinese food and gets out ice cream and Pop Tarts. Rory shows her mom the book section and asks her just to read it, and if she doesn’t like it she will stop writing. The manuscript is titled “The Gilmore Girls”. Lorelai reluctantly agrees to read it, and Rory gets donuts because their spread isn’t disgusting enough.
 
The next scene is absolutely spectacular. Emily is sitting, bored out of her mind, at a D.A.R. meeting. This is no meeting like we’ve seen before – all the top-ranking members (led by Barb!) are sitting at a long table facing a young blonde trophy wife who is being interviewed for membership. They seem like they are being nice to her, but in that cutting way. Emily has clearly had enough of this bullshit, and says so. No, really, she literally starts shouting “Bullshit!” She lets all her pent up D.A.R. frustration out and tells the trophy wife that this is all bullshit and that these women have been mocking her to her face but in a way she couldn’t call out (or even notice). Emily rails on about all the ‘bullshit’ the D.A.R. does and how it’s all bullshit and how she cannot take any more of this bullshit and she’s out. I’m pretty sure she said told the applicant that they all bought a pre-colonial post-war douche and patted themselves on the back with it as they mocked her prenup. It’s GLORIOUS. Kelly Bishop deserves an Emmy but she is too good for the Emmys. She is queen. They kick her out, but it doesn’t matter because her bullshit ranting seemed to be her quitting anyway. Oh man. What a scene, and what a woman.
 
Back to wedding planning with Lorelai and Luke, and they are talking about their guest list. Luke says to add his friend Kiefer Sutherland, and Lorelai jokes, is it spelled like the real one? It turns out it is the real one, and it’s kind of a dumb joke. The only good thing about this joke is that SOMEHOW, someway, Rory’s role in this joke is the best comedic acting she has ever, ever done! She comes in, Lorelai explains the situation, and Rory shoots off, “’I’m federal agent Jack Bauer and this is the longest day of my life and my wife and mistress have the same face. And haircut.’ That one?!” and it is SPECTACULAR! Did they shoot these episodes in order? Because it seems like Alexis was saving all her good acting for Fall.
 
But we were never going to see Kiefer Sutherland, so does that mean we aren’t going to see the wedding? Luckily I don’t have much time to dwell on this subject or the dumb joke because MISS CELINE IS BACK! Wooo! I love Miss Celine! I wish I had a Miss Celine! I wonder what celebrity she would call me! I love that she calls Lorelai ‘Natalie Wood’ all the time. She decides Luke is ‘Eli Wallach’, which swells my heart because I loved Eli Wallach so, especially in “The Holiday”. I can’t think about how sad I am about him because Paul Anka Doggie So Cute That Wittle jumps on the couch and Lorelai puts a veil on him and it’s adorable and I squee and the neighbors grumble.
 
Rory is back in a weirdly lit office, and I guess (wrongly) that she is at a publishing house pitching her book. But of course she doesn’t need to do that because Jess will publish it! I didn’t even think of that until I was watching this episode, but of course when Jess suggested that she write this book, it was with the intention that his press would publish it and then they would have lots of babies. Well at least the first part. He is so her knight. So if she isn’t at a publishers, where is she? And the camera turns to reveal David Sutcliffe, Rory’s father Christopher, who has been busy these past 10 years drinking the blood of unicorns because he has not aged A DAY. In fact, he maybe looks younger. What in the worldddd. If there is a Team Chris at all in the fandom, they are so vindicated here because he looks insane (and Luke just looks like a normal). Gigi apparently is living life as a full Parisian; I’m glad they mention Rory’s sister. But this whole scene, besides looking awkward, feels and sounds awkward. Rory is incredibly icy and cold to her father, whom I’ve never considered a villain but who seems to be getting the villain treatment. Sitting at a big executive desk, wearing an expensive suit, and Rory is asking questions that cut to the core of their whole relationship. “How did you feel about Mom raising me alone?” she asks. Chris feels the same coldness we do and he’s like dammmn girl! He explains that it was Lorelai’s decision, and no one could have convinced her otherwise. Despite any regrets he might have about not being there for her, he thinks it was “exactly what was supposed to happen and I think she’d back me up on that.” It seems out of the blue for Rory to be asking such important questions about their relationship now. Kind of hurtful to Chris, but he does deserve to have these questions asked of him. It just feels so out of the blue, and Christopher (or at least David) deserves to have more in this revival.
 
Lorelai goes to her mother’s house and finds a for sale sign on the door. Oh my goodness!! I guess we could have expected this to happen, with all of Emily’s soul-searching, but oh it’s so sad to think of this house not being theirs anymore. But Emily’s significant character development in this revival brings her to move to Nantucket, where she feels content and perhaps happy. She tells Lorelai of the house in Nantucket, which she’s renaming The Sandcastle because the previous owners named it the Clam Shack – “I guess Vagina House was taken”, Emily said. Oh my god when this came out of Emily Gilmore’s mouth! Hahah! She’s finding herself and finally thinking for herself, and it’s lovely. Emily is the only character in the revival who has a positive arc. She has grown so much from Winter to Fall. And yeah, there are a few things that stick out as the product of poor writing, mostly courtesy of Daniel Palladino. For one, remember in Spring, at therapy, when Emily blamed Lorelai for a nasty letter she once received? We never get resolution on that issue. I’m really mad about that, because I want to know who wrote that letter. Trix? And then in Summer (or maybe Spring again), Emily is depressed in bed and sleeping till noon. That’s to be expected after her husband died, but it came in between showings of her being perfectly fine, so felt out of place and like any surrounding story on that matter was cut. But otherwise, Emily was given a fantastic storyline and it ends for her so beautifully. I love that Lorelai ends their story by needing to ask for money so she can expand the Dragonfly to the Old Folks Home. Emily, of course, offers the money on one condition – that Luke and Lorelai visit her in Nantucket three weeks of the year. Of course she attaches these strings, just like in the pilot. She always feels like she needs to guarantee a relationship with her in all gifts of money. Then she moves to Nantucket – with Berta and Berta’s whole family. I love how much she’s grown to care for this family. Berta has the best line – she’s sick and Emily says she will heat up some soup for her. Berta tries to stop her because whenever Emily tries to heat up soup she ruins the stove, but of course Emily still can’t understand what she’s saying. In the subtitles, we see Berta exclaim “How a grown woman can go through life without being able to heat something up is incredible.” So funny! But Emily’s personal journey is the real story. When she’s shown putting blankets over two little kids, my heart broke. And when she’s lacing up her Keds, I was so excited to see where they were taking her. Having a new job as a volunteer at the Whaling Museum that she visited earlier in the episode was so perfect. She’s so good at it. I didn’t need to hear all the details about killing whales, because this shit is disgusting and cruel, but I’m just so happy for Emily. And scaring children and making them cry is right up her alley.

Before the wedding, Rory goes to Doose’s to get last minute supplies, and runs into Dean, who is visiting his family. They’ve clearly kept in touch because Dean refers to his wife without calling her ‘my wife’ and his kids without saying ‘my kids are named…’ which I really am glad about. I was definitely Team Dean when the show aired. This scene was a pretty flawless interaction between these two. They clearly love each other and always will have strong feelings about their relationship. Rory’s admission of what she would say about him in the book – that as much as she wishes they met when she was older, if they hadn’t met when they did she wouldn’t be the person she was now – was heartwrenching, and was to Dean to, who was momentarily speechless and seemed about to cry. When he was walking out the door and Rory found a box of cornstarch and he called back ‘Pay for it this time’, I mean, if you didn’t weep then you are heartless. So lovely. Also Dean looks as good as Jess.
 
And then more weeping, because we cut to the Inn, in the kitchen full of gorgeous wedding cakes, and in unison with Lorelai we whisper “Sookie.” Sookie is back! Melissa McCarthy looks beautiful, p.s. She talks super fast and it’s so great and their catch up conversation is superb. Sookie shows Lorelai all the incredible cakes and says any of them can be the one she chooses. Um, why can’t she just have all of them at the wedding? Have all of them! Michel marches in and shouts, “You bitch!”, because someone has to tell her off for deserting them for two years! But really, all he wants is Sookie’s magic granola, which she brought, and which extinguishes his yelling immediately. I can’t believe this is the only scene we get of Melissa. Dammit! She’s so good. I so missed her and their banter. They have such great banter. And no one does crazy person freakout like Sookie. I loved that she started smelling the signature dishes of all the famous chefs that Lorelai brought in. “Is that abalone? YOU LET ROY CHOI IN HERE?” I needed more.
 
The next scene is more loveliness between Luke and Jess before Kirk barges in, freaking out that he destroyed their wedding decorations. It turns out that he could not have done what he did with a glitter gun and double stick tape and definitely not in two hours because he created a gorgeous Alice in Wonderland-themed, well, wonderland, and it’s perfection. But he doesn’t trust himself and is feeling sick with worry and wants to throw up in their bathroom. I love how Kirk, Lorelai, Rory, and even Jess all know that the downstairs bathroom tile is hard on the knees for throwing up. So random, so funny, especially that Jess knows that. Lorelai and Rory sit down to eat Pop-Tarts, and Lorelai returns the manuscript. But she didn’t read it. Instead, she decides to let Rory finish and and she’ll read it when it’s done. It’s very nice, but I groaned audibly when Lorelai says, “Just one note. Drop the ‘the’. Just ‘Gilmore Girls.’” Groaaaan. And then Rory repeats, “Gilmore Girls.” Groaaaan. Could have done without.
 
Jess goes to stay with Liz and TJ, and Luke asks whether he’s over Rory because they had a cute moment, and Jess says he’s long over her. But he looks back at her through the window and his face says he is cuh-learly not over her. I like to imagine he becomes her Luke. This revival was a successful advertisement for Team Jess, and a big slap in the face to Team Logan.
 
That night, as Lorelai and Luke discuss how nervous and excited they are for the wedding the next day, they decide to get married secretly before the actual wedding. They wake up Rory and they all depart to find Reverend Skinner. Before I could say awww about it being Revered Skinner…they start playing ‘Reflecting Light’, the song that Lorelai and Luke first dance to. This was too much. I almost needed their upstairs bathroom because the crying was convulsive. I cannot believe they played this song during their wedding. It’s too much! I’m crying again just remembering it. This will forever be a magical song to me because of this stupid show. Anyway, the three make their way to the Town Square, which is decorated as I said in the most magical way, with so many flowers and gorgeous lights and cute vintage furniture. Kirk, feeding a bottle to his pet pig, gets a text from Lorelai saying “It’s perfect”, and he smiles, and that was perfect! Such a nice moment for Kirk. As we see Rory lead Lorelai up to the gazebo, where Luke is waiting, they show Emily in her new house blowing a kiss to a new, normal-sized painting of Richard for just a moment before returning to the wedding. The heartbreaking juxtaposition of Lorelai about to marry the man she loves while her mother is saying goodbye to hers is also too much to handle but it’s stunningly well done. And then Lorelai and Luke get married, with all we hear being the continued song, which works so well. Emily is shown drinking wine on her new plan and smiling, looking content. Everything is perfect. This is the finale I wanted, I think that we all wanted. It’s exquisite, everything about this entire scene. Exquisite. I’m so happy but you would never guess because I am scream crying. 

A few hours later, as the sun comes up, Lorelai and Rory are sitting on the steps of the gazebo, where the revival started in Winter. They are decompressing after Wedding #1 (the real wedding hasn’t started yet) and Lorelai is telling Rory how she should get married and they can do married lady things together. I realize at this point that this has to be the last scene, so I am on red alert for The Final Four words. These 4 words have such a mythology attached to them, stronger than it deserves, because they are the 4 words Amy Sherman Palladino always wanted to end the show on. So, that means that this ending is what Amy would have done 9 years ago if she had still been running things. It is odd to think that the same thing would apply a decade on considering how the characters have changed and grown, so I assume that it is a basic exchange, like “See you Friday?” “Friday.” To mark their Friday Night Dinner tradition or something. Or something about needing coffee. I did NOT believe that it would be the ending that 90% of people guessed – that Rory would be telling Lorelai she’s pregnant. “Mom?” “Yeah?” “I’m pregnant.” It was a great scene, acting wise, and I loved how Rory’s voice caught on the last two. Lorelai’s shocked face was not a happy face, which is interesting to see. Probably because she knows that Logan, about to marry someone else, is the father. Ooofah.
 
Although at first I was somewhat disappointed that the most expected ending proved to be the real one, the more I think about it the more it had to happen. It makes everything come full circle, maybe in an overly pat and tidy way but even so, in a pretty lovely way. Also, as my bff’s woke af husband pointed out, the initially frustrating scene with Christopher makes so much more sense after we know the ending. That Chris scene was nigh infuriating in its icy treatment of him as a villain, when I’ve never seen him as anything close to a villain. Sure he is flawed and made some shitty decisions, but not more so than any other character, including the two Girls. I actually love Chris, and wanted to give him a hug in this scene when his daughter was treating him like a stranger (even though he was shitty, I know, I am being too kind). They were fine at the end of Season 7, and he and Lorelai parted amicably (and we saw their relationship moving on pretty nicely at Rory’s graduation party) so the ice made no sense. However, it all falls into place when you realize that Rory’s pointed questions about whether he thought Lorelai’s raising Rory alone was the right decision, were really her asking if she should include the father of her baby or if it was okay not to. And considering Chris and Logan are roughly the same exact person, it shows that Logan is the father (the only real other option was Wookie Nookie, right? And that was too long ago). I hope that when she tells Christopher her news, he realizes why she was treating him like a wealthy comic book villain; she was seeking advice in a vague and confusing way. I just want to make sure Christopher is okay can I give him a hug why does he look exactly the same?!
 
Aside from my surprise at this ending, Fall was everything I could ever want. It had Lorelai and Luke finally happy and getting married, it had a spectacular storyline for Emily and a great start to her new era in life, and so much good acting. All three of Rory’s ex boyfriends were given poignant scenes, really without any cause for complaint. Luke finally shared his feelings. Paul Anka was wearing a veil. Kirk was proud of himself. Sookie and Michel were wonderful. Emily said bullshit like eleven times. God I just…everything was perfect.
 
Well…
 
GRIPES
 
Um. No Liz and TJ. We got a whole Francie scene, FFS, we got a Chad Michael Murray body double, and we had a 20 minute musical, but no Liz and TJ? UNCLAP. This is not okay. This might be the worst part to me. Besides Daniel Palladino.
 
I really thought Amy would resolve the shittiness that was handed to Lane Kim in season 7, but nope. Nothing. She barely had any screen time, and what she had was stagnant, nothing new except her kids are older. Boo. Oh I’m so sad for Lane.
 
My only other real gripes are that so many important characters didn’t have enough screentime! Paris should have been in every episode, because Liza really is the most incredible actor on this show, or on most shows. I would have liked a lot more Christopher. And Lane, of course. And I’m very perturbed about the lack of Miss Patty. What is going on there? And of course Sookie. I hate that she only had one scene.
 
But overall, these are minor considering we just got six new hours of this great show. Even though I complain about it so much, it’s just because the characters feel like people in real life, and that’s what I do in real life. No just kidding (maybe). It’s because they feel so real that they are so important to me. I love the world they created so much, and even though some of the characters are terrible people, I still love them. We are so lucky that we got this ending, and that so much of it was so damn good. What a wonderful show, and as corny (and as crazy) as it may sound, what a wonderful part of our lives. 
 
ADDENDUM:
 
I just listened to the first Gilmore Guys recap of the revival and HOLY SHIT I DID NOT THINK ABOUT RORY BEING THE SURROGATE IMPREGNATED BY PARIS CARRYING HER MOTHER’S BABY AHAHAHAHA THIS IS NOW MY TRUTH. 

​It’s Theatre Thursday! Today we are talking about the new revival of Aspects of Love at London’s Southwark Playhouse, on until February 9. Run, don’t walk, to miss it.
 
Certain demons down at Bad Place headquarters are waiting for the creators of “Aspects of Love” – Andrew Lloyd Webber, Charles Hart, and Don Black – to join them in their circus of torture, and have been ever since the show was written in 1989 (based on a novella by David Garnett). They will move into the neighborhood where Jared from Subway is heading, along with the guy who created Girls Gone Wild. They’ll all fit together nicely. And into their little torture neighborhood, we will add whoever though it was a good idea to revive this monstrosity of a show at the Southwark Playhouse this season. A rare miss from a theatre whose work we usually adore, “Aspects of Love” is an affront to decent humans. Sure, we are realizing with each passing day that there are fewer and fewer decent humans among us in this brave new world of ours, but that doesn’t excuse this portrayal of domestic abuse, misogyny, incest and more as normal, or worse, as anything remotely resembling love. 

​Frank Rich’s 1990 review of the Broadway production in the failing New York Times has one of my favorite Frank Rich lines of all time OF ALL TIME. He states that while ALW has written a musical about people (as opposed to cats), “whether ‘Aspects of Love’ is a musical for people is another matter.” I mean get Dubs to the ER for those burns am I right. The story presented here is offensive, despicable, and all around gross. The main idea is that it’s about love in all these various forms, in all these different romances depicted. The problem is, none of it is love, NONE OF IT, and putting some of these relationships forward as love – as opposed to what they really are, toxic power trips or ACTUAL CRIMES – is irresponsible and disturbing.
 
Let’s get into it, shall we? “Aspects of Love” is about a boy named Alex living in France who is obsessed with a local actress. Alex is 17 years old, so a minor, if they count things like that in France. He goes to the actress, Rose, after a show one night and is like, hot damn I love you, even though I don’t know you and this is the first time we’ve ever spoken, that’s love. Rose’s show is cancelled and she’s broke, so Alex says she can come stay with him in his uncle’s villa for a few weeks. Rose decides that spending a few weeks having an affair with a minor is a good solution to a problem that could also be solved ANY OTHER WAY. Off Rose and the child Alex go to the uncle’s villa, happy in their disgusting little bubble of impropriety until the uncle finds out and goes to disrupt their fun. The uncle, George, finds them one evening when Rose is wearing George’s dead wife’s gown. Naturally, this upsets him, but not because it’s a flagrant overstep on the part of a guest. No, it’s because he is attracted to Rose, who looks a lot like his dead wife in this gown, and he apologizes to her for his being upset instead of making her apologize to him for wearing the damn dress and at THIS point I was ready to scream at everyone for being wrong and dumb so you can imagine how I felt when shit really hit the fan. Rose decides to leave Alex after a week or so and go back to the stage. They say that they love each other a few times and you are like a) you don’t even know each other and b) so gross.
 
Two years later, Alex has joined the army so he has a gun, important plot point. He goes to visit his uncle George and lo and behold, guess who is at his apartment? ROSE, who is now George’s mistress. Alex is so upset and scolds Rose for sleeping with his uncle just for his money, but Rose says she really loves George. She ALSO says that she really loved Alex two years ago and so they have sex again in George’s apartment. The next day, Rose tells Alex he has to go before George returns, so Alex THREATENS TO SHOOT HER, because that’s what real love is. How dare you not love me back when I love you so much, Alex says, I love you so much that I’d rather kill you than see you be happy with someone else! SURE GUYS. Rose is like dude stop it and she throws a candlestick at him, which makes him fire the gun “accidentally” but not really an accident because you’re forking POINTING A LOADED GUN AT HER and threatening to shoot her so like not really an UNFORESEEN CONSEQUENCE YOU LITTLE SHIT, and Rose is shot in the arm and faints. And then George arrives and instead of taking Rose to a hospital or something, he and Alex sing about how much they love her and how they think the other one is the best man for her AS SHE IS PASSED OUT. George is literally singing to Alex that maybe he is the right man for Rose because he clearly loves her so much and has such strong passion that it made him shoot her. I CANNOT.
 
George goes to see his other mistress, Giulietta, and it looks like Rose and Alex will stay together even though he just shot her but she soon orders him to leave so she can go race after George. Rose and Giulietta meet, and they’re like ‘oh you’re not as bad as I expected you to be, let’s be friends/lovers’ and then Rose and George get married with Giulietta as the witness and they form this gross little threesome and George is skeevily elated and that’s Act 1.
 
I didn’t think Act II could be worse, but I was mistaken. In Act II, the married couple George and Rose have a daughter, Jenny, who has a crush on Alex, HER COUSIN. When Jenny is 14 and Alex is 34, Alex is visiting the villa and Jenny puts on the gown that Rose first put on, the dead wife’s gown. George, instead of being like ‘it’s forking weird that my daughter is dressing up like my dead wife and I’m super attracted to women who wear this gown’, decides the right thing to do is dance with Jenny in a gross manner. When alone, Jenny and Alex dance in a very very inappropriate manner. Jenny tells Alex that she loves him and they kiss. Again, 14, and 34. AND COUSINS.
 
Later, Alex is putting Jenny to bed one evening and Jenny tells him how much she loves him. Alex sings to himself about all his complicated feelings (he is attracted to his child cousin; not complicated, go away from her) and George overhears and assumes they’ve been having sex and he HAS A HEART ATTACK AND DIES.
 
At George’s wake, Alex and Giulietta meet and they have sex. Then Alex tells Jenny that their relationship can’t continue, and then he tries to leave but Rose begs him not to leave because she loves him too, and then the whole building explodes from the sheer unbelievability of how fucked up this show is and how they are treating domestic abuse, incest, and pedophilia as acceptable kinds of love.
 
I know what you’re thinking – all of this must be put forth as satire or criticism of these people and what they think love is, right? Like the art of it must be that they are presenting this as super fucked up and not love at all, RIGHT? Sadly, no. There would be merit in presenting this story with a commentary on how it’s wrong or bad or literally ANY kind of commentary, but this is purely a celebration of this super fuckeduppery as ‘love’.
 
If you would like to know how the show is aside from the plot, because the entire story is something you can definitely ignore to focus on what, the melodies? then sure let’s talk about that. It is garbage. True, it has created a standard in musical theatre, the opening song “Love Changes Everything”, and it is indeed a catchy, hummable tune that is inoffensive and extraordinarily ordinary. So that’s say five points in their favor. But an easy way to lose those points is, instead of writing other decent melodies and improving the rest of the score, simply repeating “Love Changes Everything” ad infinitum in seemingly endless reprises. If we say minus 1 point for every reprise or repetition of the main LCE theme, they end the show with a total of negative eleventy billion points. And the rest of the score is cringeworthy. I honestly have never cringed so much at a score. It doesn’t help that virtually all of it is sung-through, with what should be dialogue in book scenes replaced with opera-style recitative. It is very hard to make that stylistic choice work in musicals. It does not work here. The melodies chosen for these scenes are the equivalent of when Buddy the Elf in ‘Elf’ tries to explain to Zooey Deschanel that singing is just like talking but you move your voice up and down and then to demonstrate he just sing-shouts “I’M SINGING! I’M IN A STORE AND I’M SIIIINGIIIING” to no real tune, just random tones. That’s what this score is. And the lyrics, good god. When the uncle finds out that his (minor) nephew is affairing it up at his country house with an actress, he sing-shouts “How handy! My bed, my brandy!” I literally HEARD the sound my husband’s face made as he tried to contain his shudder of abhorrence. It hurts in my tumnus to think about that line and the hundreds like it.
 
I honestly don’t believe that someone okayed this revival of this production like it’s a classic that doesn’t need modern social commentary or new direction to show that none of this is okay. It is clear that those involved don’t see any problem with these storylines and are okay with saying that ‘that’s love.’ And none of the (old men) reviewing this for the big publications seem to find any problem with it because men are disgusting. I can’t believe this is a real show. Also it’s 2 hours and 40 minutes, which is just adding insult to injury. Unless this show was redone as a primer on What Not to Do in the #MeToo Era, it needs to be put away for good. Everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves.