National Theatre's Romeo & Juliet a Big Success Despite it Still Being So GD Stupidby Randi / April 6, 2021This is the verbatim conversation I had with my husband when I asked if he wanted to watch the new London production of “Ordinary Days” with me:
Me: Wanna watch Ordinary Days
Him: What’s that
Me: It’s the show with that sad 9/11 song
Him: As opposed to a *happy* 9/11 song?
So that’s what I knew about “Ordinary Days” going in – that it was the 2008 song-cycle-type show featuring, well, the 9/11 song, called “I’ll Be Here”. Modern composer Adam Gwon’s famous song, the big 11 o’clock number in this show, has been making the cabaret/concert rounds for several years. We knew it from Audra McDonald’s singing it in her concerts for a good 2-3 year period (obviously because we attended all of those concerts (my biggest achievement in life is that I saw Audra perform live for 15 years at least once a year (across three countries); I’m an Audra groupie)). The first time, she started singing this song and we were like ‘oh this is nice’ and then for the second half I was SOBBING like hyperventilating crying. The second time she introduced it and we were like ‘oh well at least we know what’s coming’ and yet we cried like it was the first time. The third time we just said ‘here we fucking go again’ and yep we f-ing went again. It’s that good, that expertly written that even when you know it, it breaks your heart.
While “I’ll Be Here” is the best song in the show, the show is still pretty great apart from it. “Ordinary Days” follows four New Yorkers (it’s an eight-hander), in two separate storylines that semi-connect at one point but subtly, not in a trite or hard to believe way. Jason (Will Arundell) and Claire (Nic Myers) are in an awkward stage of their relationship, moving in together but unable to really connect because Claire seems to be putting up barriers. Jason’s all ‘hey I’m just this Paul Scheer-plus-Jon-Cryer-when-he-has-a-beard-looking-mufuhka can you open up to me please so we can make this relationship work?” and Claire’s all “hey I’m just this Haley-Reinhairt-plus-my-husband’s-aunt-but-20-years-ago looking beeyotch and I have A PAST that I’M NOT READY TO TALK ABOUT.”
As the couple navigates their issues, we meet the ‘quirkier’ side characters of Deb (Bobbie Chambers), a graduate student working on a Virginia Woolf masters or something equally useless, and Warren (Joe Thompson-Oubari), a manic pixie quirky boy who wants his new friend to be more fun, I think. I like their budding friendship and the ways they push get each other, although their characterizations as written (all four’s, actually) can be a little inelegant.
Reminding me more than a few times of early Jason Robert Brown, Gwon’s music is impressive. It’s wonderful to hear a score that is so carefully honed, with smart, clever lyrics that are often laugh-out-loud funny. It’s wonderful to hear a score that I can’t describe as ‘pedestrian’ or ‘lackluster’ (no offense but it’s been a while). There are some aspects that are unclear – did Jason actually know that Claire was previously married?? that seems like something you share earlier – and some character structuring that reveals that the piece is from the 00’s. But overall, I really enjoyed it, and I’ll be listening to the score. The whole score, not just “I’ll Be Here”…well mostly that one, but not only that one. Hot damn it’s such a good song though. We listened to it five more times after the show ended and still cried.
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“Funny Girl” on the West End: I’m Here to Monsoon on this G-D Parade
I was so pumped to finally be seeing “Funny Girl” performed live, to hear in context the classic songs Barbra Streisand made famous and “Glee” made intolerable. Going into “Funny Girl”, the Menier Chocolate Factory (no it doesn’t make chocolate (I know it’s such bullshit (f-ing London))) production now playing at the West End’s Savoy Theatre, I knew to dial back expectations. Every single reviewer I trust (theatre fans and people on the forums, and not reviewers for The Guardian and other b.s. spewers) repeated that our star, Sheridan Smith, is not the strongest singer, and so to be warned. (I mean if anyone saw her turn as Elle Woods, then you know (but her acting is what you come for.)) Sheridan is famous (and infamous – we will get to that) over here in the UK, known for being a great comedian, a good actress, and a decent singer. Okay, that’s fine. Even for musicals where you want the (classic, ingrained-in-our-culture, wonderful) score to be sung with the heft it deserves, they can still be very enjoyable with a lesser singer if the acting is superb. Hell I saw “Evita” with Elena “I’m going to whisper all the high notes but I can dance like a Latina Hough sibling” Roger and I still thought it was great. So I was fully ready to be disappointed that the songs we all know and love weren’t belted to the rafters.
What I wasn’t expecting was that the singing wouldn’t even come close to being the real problem with this show. Not this production, but this show as written. And, yes, consequently the production for just, like, doing the show. Without changing anything! Or issuing a warning! “Funny Girl” needs to come with a freaking surgeon general’s warning because PEOPLE (PEOPLE WHO NEED PEOPLE) it may be the most offensive piece of theatre or, hell, piece of art. It’s definitely the most offensive one I can think of right now anyway! I understand that it is from a very different age, but that doesn’t excuse the decision to do a straightforward revival of it, with no commentary or even nuance to say hey, we know this is crazy and we don’t believe it. It’s not like anyone’s doing a straight remake of “Song of the South” anytime soon. It’s too common for the values espoused in the show to still be held today, so the production and all involved so easily seem to be supporters of its messages instead of critics of them, as everyone with a brain and/or a pulse should be. It played like a PSA from Fox News during its Family Values Hour. Or as an infomercial from the campaign of he who shall not be named. So even though it is an old show, like old for the earth, that’s no excuse, because audiences are being fed the themes straight no chaser and taking them as continued gospel for the insane.
Okay, maybe you’d like to know what these messages are. Well, “Funny Girl” is a very fictionalized tale of Fanny Brice, the legendary actress from the ’20s and ‘30s known for the Ziegfeld Follies and the song “My Man” (not in the musical). It debuted on Broadway in 1964 with the score by Jules Styne and Bob Merrill and book by Isobel Lennart. I know you’re thinking ‘how can it be so anti-feminist if the book was written by a woman’ but hello Palin & Fiorina & Bachmann and the rest of those self-hating toxic beach diapers. (Also she was a COMMIEEEEEEEE!) So we see Fanny, this totally goofy Jewish girl from Brooklyn, trying to break into show business but everyone in her life – her friends, peers, family, and all the old yentas from the neighborhood – keep quoting my girl Shug Avery and telling her “damn you sho is ugly!” and so no one takes her dreams or her talent seriously for a while. Um, side note, I know I’m newer to the earth and wasn’t around, but I’m pretty sure the characterization of Fanny as overwhelmingly goofy physically, and as waddling like a duck/unable to look like a human when she walks because lol so chub, was a decision of the director and production and actors, so ick. I know Real Fanny was a comedian and made some amazingly silly faces as part of that but I don’t think her face was stuck in sideways baby duck face during every moment of her life.
Anyway, Fanny tells the people of horseville that she’s destined for stardom because she is the greatest star of all, in a song called “I Am the Greatest Star of All”. It’s hard to buy it when we haven’t seen her really do anything yet and it isn’t being sung by the greatest singer ever, as it was when Barbra sang it, so just gotta trust her on this one. She gets into vaudeville and her career takes off because she’s so outrageous and funny and untraditional, and she joins the esteemed Ziegfeld Follies, where she soon meets Nicky Arnstein, a suave tall person in a nice suit who is also a gambler and really a shit. (He’s played pretty perfectly by Darius Campbell, who really reminded me of Andy Garcia in “Ocean’s Eleven” #thatmonotonetho) Because he is so tall and suave and she is so disgusting and unlovable, Fanny falls for Nicky hard and is just counting her lucky stars every few seconds that he likes her back. (They sing “People” when they first meet, which I was excited for but it was kind of underwhelming.) No one can believe that anyone could ever love someone as repulsive as Fanny, and all the people in her life pretty much say that to her face, and Fanny can’t believe it either, so she resolves to marry Nicky as fast as she can to prove that she is worth something as a woman, because her stellar career and personal success means bupkis mit kaduchas if she can’t get a man. When she leaves a tour to find him and marry him, she sings to pretty much a random train conductor “Don’t Rain On My Parade”, which in my version she sings to Nicky when she decides not to marry him so she can focus on her career and finding someone worthy of her.
Nicky’s shifty business deals and gambles go up and down, and Fanny supports him through everything. This makes up the bulk of Act II, interspersed with some sort of painful scenes from the Follies and tooooo many numbers with the mother and the yentas and Fanny’s friend Eddie who is in love with her and is soooo the token ‘nice guy’ who thinks that just because he isn’t an outright asshat he is entitled to the thing he’s being sort of ‘nice’ to. I did appreciate “Sadie Sadie Married Lady” if only because I’m currently doing a “Gilmore Girls” rewatch and that’s the name of the episode where Lorelai gets engaged (the first time) and Sookie sings a bit of it (side note, Sheridan looked just like Melissa McCarthy at points! So that was a plus), but in truth it is as horrifying as the rest of the show’s messages. The whole point is how lucky an unattractive woman (obviously she is not really unattractive, not that that matters, but this is how it’s presented) is to find a man, any man, who cares if he’s a shit, and she better lock him down before he realizes that she isn’t a model. Then, when Fanny reaches the heights of success and makes a lot of money, she shouldn’t be proud, she should be ashamed because it makes her dickless husband struggle with being dickless, and her ability to pay for everything he could ever want makes Nicky feel like she’s choking him? Nicky gets sent to jail because of shady business deals and embezzlement, but every single person in the whole show blames Fanny for his crimes, because having a successful wife forced him to commit crimes, pretty much. Nicky leaves her when he gets out of jail because he can’t be suffocated by a wife who is happy to support him, and Fanny and her mother don’t fight the accuracy of his statements. I mean. No. I get that this is old but come the f on Bridget. The moral of this show was literally telling women not to do anything with their lives that could lead to success because it might make your raisin-balled husband feel the sads about his raisins.
When these types of messages are put forward with no commentary, it’s problematic because many people have zero critical reasoning skills. People who are these intellectual blank slates will accept them and swallow them without a second thought and just nod and say okay this is okay, sure sure. Then people who are already terrible people or at least moonlight as terrible people will hear this overt support for outdated, dangerous, and harmful views and they’ll think oh okay, I can make this my day job now. It’s kind of like why I despise “SVU” for normalizing violence against women by showing so goddamn much of it. Even though they are showing it as ‘bad’ and perpetrators get ‘punished’ (maybe/sometimes/never), it still normalizes the occurrence and lets people continue to accept it as just how the world works, without any urging to change that foundational way of operating. Likewise, by having most of the drama rely on accepted forms of misogyny, “Funny Girl” perpetuates this misogyny as just how the world works and that we should follow their lead and not challenge that. I mean she sort of sings a reprise of “Don’t Rain on My Parade” at the end through her tears about Dicky Nicky leaving her but 30 seconds of ‘maybe one day I won’t care about him’ doesn’t make up for 2 and 1/2 hours of wimmins better stay in the kitchen.
What really bothers me is, well, several things. Fanny Brice was a real person, with an incredibly interesting life that is still remembered and revered by performers today. This main depiction of her is a great disservice to her memory, and that’s unbelievably sad and unfair. To say the creators took liberties with the facts is putting it lightly. “Funny Girl” is highly, highly fictionalized, and most of the horrible crap I’ve discussed is part of what was fictionalized. That means the creators of the original Broadway show implemented unnecessary, added misogyny. They thought ‘let’s make a show about this legend in show business, but because she’s a woman, let’s just show part of her success but then make most of the show about how she was so ugly that she thought she could never find a man, and then she meets Nicky and can’t believe her luck that a handsome man wants to be with her because come on all men want is someone pretty so she really is lucky but then she ruins everything because she makes money and gives him everything he wants and he doesn’t have much success and she shouldn’t support their family and be successful because that’s so mean and he feels totally emasculated which is the worst crime on earth and so she drives him into criminal behavior and he goes to jail and it’s all her fault obviously and everyone even her mother and even herself believe that Fanny is to blame for a totally separate fully functioning human being’s bad decisions and like women should just stay at home amiright.’ First of all, fuck all of that. Second of all, Fanny Brice, the real one, was married before she married Nicky Armstein. She was married. Yet the main action of the first act of the musical is every single person in her life absolutely kvelling because a man might actually not vomit at the sight of her! Praise Moses! Why, creators, did that strike you as the necessary change to make when rewriting Brice’s life for the stage? Did it just seem more realistic to you? More realistic than reality? To say ‘well she was no looker so instead of showing how she was so awesome and talented that it didn’t matter or that it doesn’t matter, let’s open with a number about how all actresses just need to be hot, and then make the whole show about how desperate she is for a man to notice her and how lucky she is that a good one does, but then she ruins him and makes him a bad one with her success, he wasn’t bad at the start it was her evil wimmin doings.’ I cannot wrap my brain about the thought process that takes an interesting life and makes it just another bullshit story about how desperate and awful women are.
Next, you know what else was fictionalized? Like everything about their relationship. Nicky was in jail BEFORE they got married – and he was actually married at the time to another woman. So he wasn’t this perfect specimen of a unicorn sent to make her less pathetic or anything; he was the pathetic convicted criminal cheating on his wife from the very start. Nicky happily took Fanny’s money even before they were married. His later gang activities didn’t lead him to turn himself in, as the musical says, as a result of his emasculation by not being able to support his family. No, he continued relying on Fanny’s money in order to fight the charges against him for years. That doesn’t not sound like someone who has a problem using his wife’s money, but I guess to the creators it sounded like someone who should have felt emasculated and ruined because he was letting someone without a penis pay for things.
Almost as importantly, there is no evidence I could find of Brice performing a hilarious wartime number in the Follies as a German Private Schvartz as she does in the musical, which I assume is what “Springtime for Hitler” was based on. It was probably the most painful song in a musical I’ve ever seen. Jfc. Why on earth was this part of “Funny Girl”? DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
God it’s hard reliving this. It’s really sad too because who doesn’t remember loving the movie with Barbra, and who doesn’t love all the famous songs? But at least as shown in this production – which as far as I can find is pretty true to the original musical – it’s disturbing and hugely problematic, especially as society seems to be entering a downturn in progressive views. And it’s not a bad production, the bones of it anyway. The costumes were fine, the lighting was fine, the acting was good. Actually, I remember feeling cheated by the simple choreography. But the story, my god the story. But the audiences are eating this shit up, which really upsets me. Do they just not care about the messages? Or are they in agreement? Do they not even realize what’s being said? Sheridan got many ‘bravos’ and a standing ovation, which a) should be brava and b) I think were for her personal life more than for her performance. She is a good actress, but this was not the role. I know I said some big musical roles don’t necessarily need a great singer if the acting is strong enough, but this show isn’t strong enough to do without a baller voice. But I was happy to see Sheridan after the summer she had. She is well known in the tabloids here, sadly, for fighting with the producers about needing time off when her father got very sick. Since producers only care about money, they allegedly didn’t give her the time she wanted or needed and she quickly unraveled mentally – including onstage. Some lucky ticket holders in the beginning of the summer got to see her perform drunk. Which, since British people are drunk all the damn time, maybe no one really noticed. Anyway, after that she took a few months off and her understudy Natasha Barnes took over. Apparently Natasha was amazing, with a much more appropriate voice for the role. I’m really happy that Sheridan seems to be okay now and getting what she needs, and none of my more substantial problems with the show have anything to do with her.
I honestly think that British people are liking this show because they are just laughing at the name Fanny (fanny is actually slang for vagina here, not kidding) and so they aren’t really paying attention to the story because every time someone says Fanny they cover their mouths and mutter ‘oh tee hee, a proper tee hee’. Really the best part of this show was a blue velvet dinner jacket that Nicky wears at one point.
* * *
AUDIENCE
I’m flabbergasted that they weren’t all horrified. I’m also still bothered by the woman in front of me who brought her 7-year-old daughter. Not only was I scared that this child was learning from the terrible messages of this show, but they also talked the entire time – not just the girl turning to ask questions, which kids do, but the ADULT who is supposed to be the role model for how to behave in the theatre was also turning to the girl every 2 seconds I’m pretty sure to say ‘DID YOU SEE THAT? DID YOU HEAR THAT?’ jfc.
THEATRE
Um. The bars were selling bagels. That’s super offensive, right? No, they don’t usually sell bagels; yes, I think it’s because this is a ‘jewish show’ to them. I don’t know whether to be more offended by that decision or by the quality of British bagels. The programmes were beautiful though (see picture).
I do have a problem with the theatre owners and the producers, not just here but with all West End shows. The opposite of Broadway’s policy, the policy here is that refunds are not issued if a star above the title is out. That means all the people who bought tickets to see Sheridan over the summer while she was out could not get their money back, as they can on Broadway when the star is out. There is a lotttttt of argument about this policy lately, with people saying that introducing such a policy would be unfair to understudies if people would leave when they were announced. But, in practice on Broadway, few people actually do this; it’s the ones who came only to see the star that really take advantage of it, or someone who already has seen the understudy and was trying again to get the star. The real concern is just that the producers don’t want to lose money. But that’s bullshit. I fully support Bway’s policy and wish that they had it here, because when a star like Sheridan is above the title, producers hike up the prices. If they are charging more because of a name, and then the name is out, you should get your money back if you want it, period. If they don’t want to give you your money back in those situations, then they need to stop having celebrity price hikes.
Your Annual Oscars Movie Roundup: 2021 Lockdown Edition
It’s THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR! Well, in normal years. This weekend is the 2021 Academy Awards, which means it’s time for your annual rundown of all the important movies you should know before watching on Sunday. But, fun fact, because we’ve been in lockdown, I didn’t get to see all the movies this year. Like, not even close. It’s very sad. So, to fill in the blanks, I asked some Renowned Movie Experts to weigh in with some of their thoughts. We almost got everything covered! Because no one is as verbose as I am, this means this year’s roundup is a lot shorter than usual! (It’s still hella long, but like normal person long, not carve-out-the-next-three-days-of-your-life-for-reading-through-it-long like previous years.) So without further adieu, here are the notable movies of the past year. Comment with your thoughts/faves/hopes/fears.
Borat Subsequent Moviefilm
Chinqui! I love ah-Borat! Listen, as someone who went to Kazakhstan not not because of Borat, I obviously loved this second moviefilm that exposes the most horrifying aspects of American culture. The Q Anon people were really terrifying; it was too much to handle knowing that they represented so, so many misguided Americans. But everything from Maria Bakalova was brilliant and actually enjoyable; what a find she is. The abortion clinic stuff with the baby Jesus from the cake?! the period dance?! absolute LEDGE.
Crip Camp
“Those hippies were nuts! That wins the Best Overall Message Award, which is: disabled people need to get high too.” – my friend
Da 5 Bloods
Oh rightttt I remember watching this movie like a year ago. IT WAS VERY GORY AND VIOLENT. The only thing worse than being in the Vietnam War is thinking you made it out and then having a personal War Part Deux directed right at your ass. I did NOT enjoy seeing my beloved Norm Lewis chopped up like that! Oh boy. Delroy Lindo wasn’t nominated?? He should have been!
Eurovision Song Contest
Okay this movie was incredible. I can’t wait to watch it again I can’t believe I haven’t rewatched 100x times. Such a me movie. Will Ferrell and Rachel McAdams were such a surprise dream comedy team. I can’t believe Rachel is old enough to be Will’s love interest? Wait let me google it to make sure I shouldn’t be railing against how gross it is….Okay he’s 53 and she’s 42 so it passes the test. Anyway it’s nominated for the Husavik song I guess? Should win, hundo p. They built up the idea of the mythical Speorg note throughout the movie and this finale song was a great showcase for it, really paid off. Although – they could have explained the Speorg note by saying ‘you know, it’s the WAHHHH part of WHEN JESUS WAHHHHH in Sister Act 2, when Whoopi turns around shocked?’ and we all would have been like ‘yep of course I know what you are talking about now, who doesn’t.’ Loved the little elves. The elves went too far!!!
The Father
The Father is based on one of Florian Zeller’s plays. He wrote The Father, The Mother, and The Son for the stage, among other The __ shows. I saw The Son in the West End two years ago and I am still shook from it. It was one of the most devastating theatrical experiences. If The Father is even half as devastating – and since it appears it’s about Alzheimers, I’m gonna guess that it is – then boy oh boy that’s some DEH VAH stating shit.
“The father great movie but I can’t remember what it’s about. JK not funny. The Father is about the refusal and denial of people suffering from dementia or in this case Alzheimer’s. But what’s great about this movie is we are put in the mind of the father. The constant changes in family pictures, family members’ furniture, dinners in his house, are all what Anthony is experiencing. It’s what is going on in his mind. Very well done.” – my aunt
Hillbilly Elegy
Lol yeah right I’m not giving that little shitprick JD Vance any more money or time or mental capacity, I don’t care that this movie’s being on Netflix makes it so convenient to watch. PASS. As soon as I move on from this section I’m done giving any thought to that forking Tucker-Carlson-ass-kissing misunderstander of democracy hawhite devil in a short-sleeved collared shirt and khakis, uh GUH BYE. asshole.
Jingle Jangle
The first 20 minutes of this movie are SO PROMISING. The middle hour is SO BORING. When Anika Noni Rose finally FINALLY gets to sing, it is SO FIRE AND AMAZING. And then it’s boring again. Could’ve been so amazing.
Judas and the Black Messiah
Could not find anyone who saw this, unforch.
Mank
I might decide to watch this one day, but that day has not yet come because I still have ethical standards. This is a story about a Jewish man, and they get a famous antisemite to play him? I mean, what the ACTUAL. David Fincher, Laray Mayfield, you’re on my list. Cannot believe Gary is nominated for Best Actor for this absolute nonsense. NONSENSE. [The image description of me right now would be Gritty saying ‘fuck around and find out.’]
Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom
A few years ago, I reviewed the Sharon D. Clarke-starring stage version of Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom in the West End and admitted that the play did not and does not work for me. I never found it as compelling as it should be. It felt like a series of often engrossing monologues but with no plot, no force driving it forward. In repeated productions, it was absolutely the case that the parts were greater than the whole, and the whole never lived up to what its parts promised.
I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but the film version completely unlocked this work for me in a way stage productions could not. With the magic of George C. Wolfe’s direction (who doesn’t love this man?), the story revealed that it did indeed have forward momentum, so much so that it became a locomotive that kept driving forward with all the force in the world. Unlike the play productions I’ve seen, the work moved undeniably towards a climax even though it was all talk, and even though the build-up is subtle, simmering under the surface. The monologues worked now as plot, as forward-looking action, rather than the stagnant feel of the play. Most of this successful difference is due to the direction, yes, but also to the shockingly complex and superb performance of Chadwick Boseman. He took his character and made it so deep, so deeply felt, and so complicated and I can’t believe anything but that this was the seminal performance of this role. And that’s why this film worked better than stage productions. Because of Chadwick, and because the camera could focus on how he was making this show from the inside out.
Wolfe clearly wanted the audience to surrender to Levee’s story, and that surrender is what the show depends on to work. I realize that now, and that’s why this movie version was the first time Ma Rainey succeeded for me, because Chadwick Boseman might be the first person in fully and completely take this role and do it so fully and so well that he made the whole thing work. Viola Davis was as great as always, and made the role of Ma Rainey actually feel like a lead role, whereas onstage you are always surprised to realize that she seems like a minor supporting role.
The Midnight Sky
In my mind, this is the George-Clooney-trying-to-look-unattractive-for-the-Academy-and-telling-a-NASA-story-but-without-sufficient-backstory-so-you’re-like-hey-why-is-the-world-ending-oh-you-don’t-think-it’s-important-or-necessary-for-us-to-know-because-it’s-a-Netflix-movie-cool-got-it-sad movie. I saw it a while ago but from what I remember, George is dying and so is Earth, but Netflix was like ‘let’s save some money by cancelling Glow and by not explaining why the Earth is bum, no one will care about either’ and they are SO WRONG ABOUT BOTH. They did explain why George is dying though – because he’s sick. I feeeel like it’s more important for this story to know why the Earth is now unlivable though and why it’s bad that anyone is left on it, but that’s just me that’s just me I’m weird.
Like News of the World, infra, this movie was continuous anxiety as you feared everything would go wrong, and then everything did go wrong. The little girl actress (Caoilinn Springall) was phenomenal. So cute and sad. I just looked on imdb to find her name and my goodness – I forgot that this movie had Felicity Jones, Demian Bichir, Kyle Chandler, David Oyelowo??? Like completely forgot that whole aspect of the film. Getting it confused with the space crew captained by Kate Mara in another movie (The Martian??). I did NOT forget that Tim Russ was in it, because he’s in it for literally 5 seconds and I screamed OH MY GOD IS THAT TUVOK, and it was, and then he wasn’t in it anymore, which is bullshit; I hope he had a bigger role and it just got cut in editing but he still got that coin.
Minari
Okay this movie was superb and not just because of the cute little boy and I know we have a lot to cover but MY GOODNESS THE LITTLE BOY WAS SO GD CUTE I JUST LOVE HIM SO MUCH I WANT TO GIVE HIM A HUG AND I KNOW THAT’S WEIRD BECAUSE I’M AN ADULT AND I’M NOT A PEDO BUT OMG I LOVE HIM.
Minari was such a beeyootiful, moving, sad, lovely film about a Korean immigrant family just trying to grow some good veggies so they can stop chicken sexing is that so much to ask for, universe?? The family has so many hardships and they are TRYING and this poor little boy is so cute and so sick, and, as Matilda would say, that’s not RIGHT. The grandma is the best character in a movie maybe all year, just the funniest baddest-ass lady ever, and the only funnier badder-assed lady is the actual actress who played her, Youn Yuh-jung, who had the greatest BAFTA acceptance speech where she said she was happy to get recognition from the Brits because they are usually so snobby about everything, my goodness she’s the best. I hope she wins the Oscar (either her or Maria Bakalova). She made her scenes so hilarious and then so heart-breaking. This is such a wonderful movie about trying to make a life in America. It’s the most heartfelt American movie all year, so eff the Golden Globes, as usual/always.
Vegan warning: lots and lots of ‘chicken sexing’.
Mulan
“I saw Mulan in February 2020 why is this on your list?” – my dad
My Octopus Teacher
“I saw octopus teacher. Can’t eat octopus anymore. They are smarter than me.” – my aunt [Ed. note: octopi are smarter than ALL OF US please leave them alone] [Ed. note #2 – she lasted a week before eating it again.]
“The ultimate tragedy of the Oscars this year is that the octopus in My Octopus Teacher, humbly and simply named “Her”, was snubbed for best actress.” – my friend
News of the World
I have trouble watching content that is stressful because I get anxietyyyyyyyy and this movie was like two hours of pressure-cooking simmering tension. I was so scared the entire time that everything was going to go wrong and boy howdy everything would go wrong for them. THanx plus little German girl (Helena Zengel) were a power duo and I adored them and I wanted things to STOP GOING WRONG FOR THEM. I loved how subtly and well the film built their bond. I loved the ending. I did not love the anxiety but that’s show biz, kid.
Just as with Minari and Midnight Clooney Movie, the child actor here was amazing. Did Sydney Lucas put something in the water?? Jacob Tremblay giving Zoom lessons? The kids this year are UNREAL.
Nomadland
“I procrastinated in watching Nomadland for a long time. When I finally watched, I was immediately sucked in to the unique story. What makes this movie stand out is the semi-documentary feel of it, due to everyone onscreen being non-actors, aside from Frances McDormand and David Strathairn. This adds an amazing depth of realism to a sad story. Friends and relatives offer Frances a home with them following her personal loss, but her fierce independent spirit and desire for freedom prevent any acceptance of these gestures. We see Nomads working odd jobs when they want to, or when they need gas money. They are a floating community, generous of spirit and human kindness, living in vans or trailers. Director Chloe Zhao blends all of these realistic emotions into a framework that lets the viewer really “get it”, and by the end of the movie you fully understand what drives this character to keep driving her “home” down the road. This is the kind of movie that sticks with you for a while, as you ponder the lifestyle and marvel at how well the true-life participants help tell the story. I liked this movie Norm. I laughed, I cried, I stuffed my face.” – my dad
“I appreciate you for letting me look at raw Frances McDormand footage for an hour and 50 minutes, even while she pooped.” – my friend
“Nomadland that could be the new America soon.” – my aunt
“I really liked No Man’s Land.” – my mom
One Night in Miami
“It was one of the more ambitious motel movies in film history. Will Smith was a better Ali. It would’ve been better as a Sam Cooke biopic – Aaron Burr was the best part, worthy of that supporting actor nom.” – my brother
Palm Springs
Ugh I loved this movie. Andy Samberg AND Cristin Milioti?? Girl (from Once), did you write it for me? This movie was like Michael Schur TV show writing plus Groundhog Day plus Andy Samberg humor. As a guy stuck in a time loop, Andy plays a darker, rougher Jake Peralta, since Groundhog Day shenanigans will really fork you up. Cristin is the Girl who accidentally gets sucked into the loop as well. JK Simmons is also stuck! What fun! He’s terrifying! It’s so good. They have a lot of fun once they accept that there’s no getting out of it, and I loved that they went through the spectrum of acceptance and decided to indeed get out of it, by any means necessary. I wonder how many years I’d have to spend living the same day over and over before I’d learn quantum physics.
Pieces of a Woman
“Wish there was a category for Best Opening Scene Before Showing Movie Title. The opening was powerful, dark, gripping, and you didn’t even tell us what we were watching for a solid 30 minutes. Really brought on the intrigue.” – my friend
“Pieces of a Woman – very sad but didn’t see why they needed to tie in the Holocaust and her mom into this.” – my aunt
Promising Young Woman
“My favorite was Promising Young Woman – revenge is great but not in her case. I want Emerald Fennell to win because I not only loved her film, I loved her as my Prince Charles’s lover Camilla in the crown. Brilliant. ” -my aunt
“I hated Promising Young Woman more than Gigli but I’m alone on that.” – my cousin
Soul
Tina Fey, man. I know this movie has so much greatness to offer that I should be concentrating on first but man, she really proved herself as an animated character voice actor in a time when actual voice actors lose out on animated roles to big name celebrities like Tina Fey.
Soul was a big surprise. I did zero reading about it before it was released and I watched it as soon as it dropped on Disney+. I did not know the main character was going to die? like immediately?? and it wasn’t my favorite tv show (The Good Place but you know that)??? and that he’d strive somehow to get back to our realm and return to his life and live his dreams?! and the little munchkin fetus he befriends (Tina!) was going to have some RELEVATIONS that both helped and threatened them both?! THAT’S SOME REAL SHIT RIGHT THERE.
Soul cut me REAL deep, Shrek. I love loved that it was about so much beauty: living your life to the fullest, loving your family, and most importantly living your dreams – your actual dreams, and not dreams that you’ve been telling yourself are your dreams your whole life long. Sometimes dreams aren’t what you tell yourself! Yay now I have The Cranberries in my head! OHHH MYYY LIIIIIFE IS CHANGING EVERY DAYYYYY IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAYYYY (lol it’s REALLY not, 14 months of same same).
Sound of Metal
Oh I need to begin by telling you that when we put this movie on, husbo said “We’re off to see the Rizard!” Nice.
This movie begins with literally the worst song I have ever heard in my entire life, and then soon you get so upset at the idea that the main character might not be able to hear that song. Now that’s a good movie.
Riz Ahmed, without doing much showy acting despite being given a role that could have easily been Overacted, is so natural and convincing as the drummer going through this traumatic, life-changing event. As his character Ruben loses the ability to continue his normal way of life, he tries at first to push everyone away to maintain some semblance of independence. He’s not overly sympathetic but that makes him all the more relatable. As he becomes more comfortable with his new community, and more accepting of his needs, his shell softens and makes him more vulnerable and likeable and so sympathetic that it’s like a gd puppy that you just want to protect because what else would you do with a deaf puppy except protect at all costs? Probably not what they were going for here, but man, I just wanted him to be okay.
I loved the second act with his new community, with the wonderful Paul Raci leading. The scene when Paul has to enforce the rules of the homestead, my goodness. Such a difficult but understandable situation from both of their perspectives which is GREAT FILMAKING BABY. When you set out to watch a movie about a musician going deaf, you know you’re gonna feel some shit, but I did not expect the hurt to hit deepest when said musician is drumming on a slide so a deaf child can feel his drumming. That moment is when I realized the greatness of this film. And when I cried. A lot. I thought the end section in France kind of petered a tad in its direction but the end made it all good, all good, so good.
Tenet
“I wish I had the CliffsNotes so I could understand what was going on.” – a person my dad works with
The Trial of the Chicago 7
Man ALIVE the justice system has been UTTERLY FORKED for so, so long. Like since it was created. It was built on racism and injustice and even though we are celebrating one positive result from it this week, that doesn’t mean the system as a whole is not broken and skewed towards injustice. Look at the harm this one muhfuhking judge could do! Man Frank Langella really never cares that he makes you despise him so successfully!
This ensemble was so impressive even though it was all men. I really love how cool Jews in the ’60s were. They were like…the coolest muhfuhs around. Sacha Baron Cohen and Jeremy Strong (I initially wrote Jason Schwartzman as I honestly remembered him clearly being in this movie and I am shook that I am misremembering) as Abbie Hoffman and Jerry Rubin were just so cool. Big Jewish stoner but cool af energy. SBC truly is incredible in anything he gets his hands on, including but not limited to publicly eviscerating Mark Zuckerberg. Also, give me a movie that provides not one but both of my skinny pale faves – Joey Gordon-Levitt and Noah Robbins (different brands of faves, obviously) – and we’re already set. But when it’s a great, poignant movie about social justice and the broken racist justice system and it’s incredibly well done even though it’s more than 2 hours and this past year destroyed my attention span but I still was riveted the entire time? forgettaboutittttt.
The White Tiger
DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE.
That’s the main thing.
A central theme of this film, a film that leaves you sitting slack-jawed buggy-eyed not sure what to do except stare forward in dismay and disarray, is that Indians of lower classes are kept in a constant state of servitude that they can’t get out of, like chickens in a coop who know they will be slaughtered but don’t move. Our protagonist, the riveting discovery of an actor Adarsh Gourav, acknowledges this way of being, but is determined to break out of his fate.
The main guy, Balram, isn’t a great guy even before he REALLY isn’t a great guy, which I guess is important so that you feel for his situation and have empathy without it being obvious, which is more realistic and shows you should have empathy for everyone even if they aren’t great people. But like, he really pissed me off, and not just because of the vitiligo jokes (I guess my beef is with the writer for that one, ARAVIND). I mean pobody’s nerfect and all that but they did give enough subtle support throughout the film to bolster his big climactic moment, which I watched through my fingers.
The most interesting aspects of this really well done film came from the exploration of class and culture in provocative ways. Any film about Indian servitude can address the same problem of castes and control and never being able to really change your situation. But I thought the most interesting part here was when our American feminist character, played by Priyanka Nick Chopra Jonas, thought she was being very good and very helpful by telling her servant so forcefully that he should live his own life, to the point that she gets angry when he can’t just flip a switch and understand and accept her advice. She’s trying to help but it ends up being very rude and inconsiderate since he can’t adjust easily to her way of thinking, or change everything he knows to be true that’s ingrained in him, even though he wants to please her and even though she, well, means well. It’s COMPLICATED. Like the Da Vinci Code. These scenes really nail the complex tone of the film along with scenes like when she yells at him for speaking rudely to a beggar child – right before she hits a beggar child with the car. It did NOT make me want to go to India. Or a Jonas Bros. concert.
Gourav was so exceptional in this. When he signs the confession to please his masters and he’s smiling at them while his eyes tear? MY GOODNESS. I’m glad he was nominated for the BAFTA (Brits getting something right for once) but I dare someone to explain to me how he wasn’t Academied, as that scene alone put him at least on equal footing to the others in that category, but really above Gary Old Racist Man.
My favorite part was how often they called the female politician simply The Great Socialist. A title Bernie could only dream of. Of course she ended up being corrupt though (I don’t like how they continue to besmirch socialism). Apparently in the book she was a man so ugh it’s good to increase female representation I guess but it’s kind of magoo that the female characters were the corrupt politician, the annoying ancient grandmother, and Priyanka Chopra (who was very good).
Vegan warning: cruelty of roosters in coops shown for representation of the (at least important) central metaphor. Also human warning: death of a child, lots of sad children.
“So, award season – not so good.” – my aunt
