I LOVE CONTENT! All the Thoughts/Things/Theatre I've Been Having/Doing/Watchingby Randi / May 22, 2020At the time when everyone is (hopefully) sharing information on how to support black voices, I thought it might be nice to celebrate black artists and stories in the theatre. People much more knowledgeable than I am have shared lists of books to read, shows to watch, documentaries to find, places to donate, and I’ve tried to absorb all of that and do what I can, and I hope you have too. So what do I have to recommend except theatre. I thought I’d share some great shows we can watch to maybe open our minds and show some support. The theatre community has always prided itself on including and welcoming everyone from every background, and it really is a special place, especially compared to other communities. But it has a long way to go before the range of voices heard in the theatre reflect the world around us, and before true equality exists in the representation of stories and voices and talent in the theatre.
So I thought I would offer you a list of some shows that promote black voices, actors, and stories that we can all watch this weekend. We have time now that Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “The Show Must Go On” YouTube series took this opportunity to cancel this weekend’s planned stream! (I don’t know what it was intended to be, but I bet it wasn’t an ALW joint since he stopped sharing his work and instead started sharing…NBC live musicals, woof.) The YouTube channel’s statement said they weren’t sharing a show this weekend in ‘support of Black Lives Matter’. It’s not for me to say whether this is an effective show of support or an empty statement that lets them be lazy and uncreative while maybe saving face, but I would rather the channel share theatre with, say, black creative teams or all-black casts, something to support black voices and stories in theatre and promote them instead of keeping silent. Enormous platforms failing to support such voices when they have the ability to amplify them to millions isssss not my favorite.
Last week’s release was actually a fitting one (albeit a version that’s mediocre) – the NBC live version of the musical Hairspray! Okay, I know, it’s a very white-centered show that treats racism like a lil plot twist and is very, very guilty of the white-savior trope. But it’s bubbly and fun and with a clear message that handles racism in a way that’s accessible to e.g. young kids or impressionable (republican) adults. It’s one of my faves and it happens to be important. Come at me all you want but the Nikki Blonsky (oh she cray)-John Travolta-Queen Latifah-endless amazing names movie version from 2007 is the best. Anyway, ALDubs could have just extended the release window for this one! It also has a mostly impressive cast (Jennifer Hudson singing “I Know Where I’ve Been”?? yes please!) providing the messaging.
Another ‘easy’ but powerful and enjoyable show – and another Best New Musical Tony winner – that deals with racism in America is Memphis, the 2010 show starring Montego Glover, an amazing singer playing an amazing singer, and Chad Kimball as a fictionalized character inspired by Dewey Phillips, one of the first white DJs to play black music on the radio in the 1950s. Fun fact, one day after the matinee of the 2015 revival of ‘The Color Purple’ (see below) I left the theatre speaking with actor Isaiah Johnson about the incredible 104% perfect show and all kinds of things and we were talking and walking down 8th Ave. and we bumped into Montego Glover and they hugged and were catching up and I was just there because we were still talking so that was the gd coolest. (After a few minutes I politely said I would take my leave so they could catch up properly but they were like oh okay cool bye, not like ‘wtf get out of here’ it was awesome.) You can find Memphis on Amazon Prime and BroadwayHD.
A problem with these shows is that their creators are white, so the stories are made palatable and play into white people’s ideals of how to solve racism. As time moves forward, I believe, and hope, that creators and audiences alike realize and accept the need for representation on- and offstage of those whose stories are being told, to make sure the right voices have input. (This was the problem with London’s Falsettos fiasco.)
A wonderfully different show springing from the brilliance of one black man is the 2008 musical Passing Strange, written by the artist Stew (who also starred in it). This unique musical was sort of like a rock concert, sort of like performance art, and a completely different feel from everything around it on Broadway. It tells the story of a young man from LA who tries to figure himself out in Europe, where he encounters all sorts of characters but is often the token black guy. It’s a more personal journey and story than the all-encompassing ‘let’s discuss racism’ shows, and that’s what makes it so effective and moving – especially since so much of it comes from Stew himself. Stew won a Tony for the book, beating In the Heights, and I’m like very happy for him. The show is on YouTube for a small fee.
A Raisin in the Sun, the seminal play about a black family’s experiences, might be a cliche to include on such a list as its the pinnacle of black theatre, but cliches exist because they’re true. You all know this play, right, like you wouldn’t be reading my shit if you hadn’t already read A Raisin in the Sun, right? To watch: the Sidney Poitier/Ruby Dee movie is on Amazon, while the movie version of the 2008 Broadway revival production is on YouTube, with the same Broadway cast including Phylicia Rashad (who won a Tony for it), Audra McDonald (who won a Tony for it), and Sean Combs (that’s right).
Another important play with an accessible movie version is Fences, with stars Denzel Washington and Viola Davis recreating their Tony-winning Broadway roles. I like this one because honestly Denzel’s character seems kind of awful, and it’s necessary that white audiences don’t just get to enjoy happy charming black characters and that black actors get to portray the full expanse of humanity.
For a newer play that more directly reflects the current situation, Pass Over is currently streaming on Amazon. This film version, directed by Spike Lee, of Antoinette Nwandu’s superb, tragic 2018 play, will probably have the same emotional impact as the stage version, which means you will feel awful. The play was written as a sort-of response to the killing of Trayvon Martin, so it feels awfully, depressingly relevant now. Of all the ones on this list, this is the one that we should all watch if we are trying to learn about what is happening.
There’s also the 2017 Lincoln Center Theatre production of the play Pipeline, about inequality in education. The mother of a black inner-city teenager works at a public school, but she decides to send her son to private school, and thus has to grapple with this decision as well as the realization that a whiter school won’t protect him. We are planning to watch it this weekend; it sounds great…and upsetting (given how education is indeed unbelievably unequal) which is fine because we all should be upset right now! especially white people! It’s currently on BroadwayHd for free so hurry up.
After those plays, you’re going to need some more musical spirit-lifting. I know I just said white people all should be upset but if you educate yourself on Black Lives Matter and talk to white friends about it and stand up for injustice and challenge the ideas we’re fed about police being helpful and donate if you can then maybe you can have a musical, as a treat.
If you want a fun one to watch with kids, you can’t go wrong with The Wiz, the classic reimagining of The Wizard of Oz with an all-black cast. You can rent the original film on YouTube, Google play, and I’m sure lots of other places, since it’s old and awesome. Starring Michael Jackson, Diana Ross, forking Lena Horne and Richard Pryor?? I mean drop what you are doing and watch it now if you’ve never seen it. For goodness sake, I just realized this was another recent NBC live musical production! WTF! Given that ALW and his “The Show Must Go On” have turned to showing NBC live musicals, it’s kind of ridiculous that they aren’t showing this one. I wonder if it was supposed to be this weekend’s offering; if so, that’s pretty shirty to cancel. If not, why not! It’s easy to acquire and share given that it’s morphed into a platform solely for American televised live stuff. This one had Mary J. Blige! It was awesome! Promote black artists Andrew!
On Netflix, there’s the movie musical Been So Long, starring UK fave Michaela Coel, about a black single mother and a man she falls for. It’s based on a 2009 Young Vic musical, but that’s before my time so I can’t say how it compares. I can say it has 92% on the old tomato meter, so it probably did a good job.
I wish I could find the Broadway musical version of The Color Purple, any version of it, and share it like I had wanted to. This show is so forking good. LIKE A BLAAAADE OF COOOORN, like a hooooooneyyy beeeeee. like a waaaater falllll, all a part of meeee! LIKE THE COLOR PURPLE! omg I FORKING LOVE THIS SHOW. It’s so good. Listen to the 2015 Broadway revival recording with the unmatched Cynthia Erivo, watch the Oprah movie, read Alice Walker’s novel. Do all three. Luckily, there’s a movie version of this musical in the works, so we can enjoy that sometime in the future, if there’s a future, and enjoy the fun of a book-to-movie-to-musical-to-movie musical journey.
I also can’t find any trace of the 2016 Broadway musical Shuffle Along, or, The Making of the Musical Sensation of 1921 and All That Followed, or even the original 1921 sensation of the same name (well the first two words). The original Shuffle Along was musical by Noble Sissle and Eubie Blake that enjoyed a surprising long run in New York in 1921 and introduced the world to Josephine Baker, Florence Mills, Paul Robeson, and more. In 2016, George C. Wolfe helmed a new show telling the tale of that original event, with the most exciting cast of stellar black luminaries imaginable, including Audra McDonald, Brian Stokes Mitchell, Billy Porter, and more. It was a flawed retelling but its importance and heart were undeniable. It’s worth listening to the cast recording for Audra’s, well, being Audra, and for Adrienne Warren’s take on Florence Mills. You can also take a half hour and watch this interview with Wolfe and stars about the show.
Is it bad that I want a production of Fiddler on the Roof (one of the best and most enduring classics for dern good reason) that amplifies its message of prejudice by having black actors play the Jews while keeping the Russians white? WOULD BE INTERESTING.
Anyway, there are lots of black stories to appreciate and black talent to celebrate – there’s the Dreamgirls movie (with J-Hud in top form, Beyonce killing it, and Tony-winner Anika Noni Rose) which is I believe is on Netflix; there’s Audra’s exquisite Lady Day at Emerson’s Bar & Grill on BroadwayHD. And yet there’s obviously not enough, since I am just shooting out a quick list like this. And while of course this list is way incomplete, clearly if such a list can even be made, it means these sorts of works are the exceptions and not the rule. The fact that I can specifically point to all of these examples, leaving off maybe a dozen or so, proves in itself what a dearth there is. Theatre, like all institutions and areas and arts and parts of the universe, has a long way to go before inclusion, colorblind casting, and promotion of minority voices is the norm and not the lauded exception. Make demand for this heard, and maybe start by enjoying some of what we already have.
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‘Onegin’ at the Bolshoi Ballet: So Amazing I Want to be a Ballerina Just For This
It’s Theatre Thursday! Today we are talking about the best ballet ever, ‘Onegin’ at the Bolshoi. We’re back in Russia all over this website!
With all the theatre I see, I don’t have much time for ballets. I see them every once in a while but usually I’m like “this would be so much better if you were singing toooooo!” That’s why ‘An American in Paris’ is so good. And usually the plots are so alarmingly sexist that I just roll my eyes the entire time so as not to actually scream. I saw ‘Giselle’ last year the English National Opera. Do you know what that’s about? A peasant girl dies of a broken heart because her lover is a cheatin fool and then her ghost joins a ghost troop of all virgin girls who died before they were married and they dance/kill men who go through their forest. It’s forked up. Luckily, ‘Onegin’ is not actively offensive; in fact, it’s a pretty good tale of a woman actually standing up for herself, sort of, as much as you can expect in old-timey stories. More importantly, it’s the most gorgeous dancing I’ve ever seen in my life, and I’m including the ending of ‘Center Stage’ can you believe it? even the part where the camera pans down and then when it goes back up Jody is all of a sudden in a red leotard and she pushes everyone away and Jamiroquai goes ‘DANCE!’ and it’s the best. I was naively a little upset that the Bolshoi Ballet in Moscow wasn’t playing something I was more familiar with while we were there, but I can’t imagine ‘Swan Lake’ or ‘The Nutcracker’ (now I’m out of ballets I know) being nearly as spectacular as ‘Onegin’ was. And since this week on the travel blog we are back in Russia, it’s time to talk about this Bolshoi production.
Written by Alexander Pushkin, the beloved Russian poet, the novel ‘Eugene Onegin’ inspired Tchaikovsky to write an opera about it. (I never read ‘Eugene Onegin…and I’m not sure I ever read any Pushkin actually. Sacre bleu! I mean blin!) Tchi tchi put some dance scenes in his opera, and he hired a choreographer named John Cranko to choreograph them. Cranko, cursed with an unhappy name but blessed with immense talent, crankily thought “this story merits its own ballet, not just secondary dancing in an opera! We’re gonna make a whole ballet bout this feller!” His stories are so inspirational! Everyone loves Pushkin, from all the statue makers all over Russia (so many!) to all these artists whose greatest works were inspired by his words. Fun fact, Pushkin is a classic, beloved Russian author as well as a cute nickname for a baby. Little Pushkin with that punim!
So John Cranko (no relation to Broadway director John Rando like of course not but their names speak to me in the same way now (maybe because if you change their last name o’s to e sounds they both become me)) created his magnificent ballet in 1965 for the Stuttgart Ballet. It was performed there in Germany and in London but not at the Bolshoi until like just a few years ago! What you fools been doing besides choosing presidents! Fortunately, they added it to their repertoire in time for my visit, and I got to see the Bolshoi ballet company perform something other than their speed-assisted craziness in ‘Bye Bye Birdie’. They are spectacular. I don’t know why Sergei wanted to leave Russia to dance in San Francisco with Galena when they both could have joined the Bolshoi. I guess for freedom. (by the way I am still talking about ‘Center Stage’, BME.)
‘Onegin’ tells…shows…dances? basically the same story as the novel, at least the main part. It tells the tale of a girl named Tatiana and this asshat of a man named Eugene Onegin, who does not have the right to be such a confident jerk especially to women when he is named Eugene. It opens with Tatiana and her sister Olga dance-playing and dance-sewing in the garden with their mother, talking girly, and then they decide to play a much-loved Russian game where girls look in a mirror to see fatalistic/magical glimpses of their future loves. They do this in ‘War & Peace’ too (or at least the version I know much more thoroughly, the musical ‘Natasha, Pierre, & the Great Comet of 1812’, when Sonya tells us “Early Sunday morning, Natasha and I lit a candle, looked in the mirror [‘meer’]” and then Natasha happily comments “I see my face!” because she is an IDIOT and Sonya rolls her eyes musically and explains to her stupid cousin “they say you can see your future in the long row of candles stretching back and back and back into the depths of the mirror [‘meer’]. In the dim confused last square, you’ll see a coffin or a man. Everyone sees a man.”). Ok so I know I didn’t really need to quote ‘Comet’ yet again but admit that that helps you understand what Tatiana and Olga were doing, right? I can go on if you want me to!
So Olga’s fiancé Lensky arrives (query why they were looking in the mirror for mystical peeks at future husbos if she already was engaged), an amiable, most happy fellow who seems decent. P.s., the ballerina playing Olga was maybe 11 years old, and Tatiana maybe 14, tops. I’m not sure whether to go with the headline ‘ballet stunts your growth like gymnastics and these were indeed adults’ or ‘Russians kidnap children and force-train them into incredible dancers, can we be mad or no.’ Anyway Lensky brought a friend: the dark, brooding, could-play-Heathcliff-if-he-wasn’t-such-a-good-dancer Eugene Onegin, who is dressed all in black because he’s so dark and brooding and the only thing he can do with his face besides look handsome is scoff. So the dancer playing Onegin looked just like Eric Bana from my mezzanine seat and I hundo p would have sworn it was him save for the dancing ability. Onegin looks around at the lovely little family’s love little garden and lovely little girls and he scoffs, he scoffs this way, he scoffs that way, he scoffs hither and thither. But little Tatiana thinks he’s the keenest because she never saw a city boy before, maybe, and thinks dressing in all black is a sign of sophistication. Or whatever. That night, she dance-writes a love letter to him.
This opening scene in the garden, plus the love letter writing that night, composed Act I. It was about 40 minutes long…and then we got a 25 minute intermission! 25 minutes! I could have peed 3 times.
Act II was only 30 minutes! Man alive I didn’t even have to pee after. While short, it packs a punch. It’s Tatiana’s birthday party, and Onegin comes, but he’s such a dink that he is rude to everyone and rolls his eyes the whole time at how simple these folk are and how unsophisticated and boring. Also, he is bothered by the fact that this sweet little girl wrote him a love letter. What a dink. So he goes up to Tatiana, the birthday girl, holds her letter out, and rips it up in front of her! I KNOW! He’s the worst! But he’s not done – to add some excitement to his inexplicable boredom (they’re at a fancy party with ballerinas!), he decides to provoke his friend Lensky by flirting with Olga, his fiancée. Olga is just a little 11-year-old ballerina so she dances with him just because she likes dancing and doesn’t think anything of it other than it would be fun and maybe funny. But Lensky is pisssssed, and he challenges Eugene to a duel. And Eugene Onegin becomes a murderer! He kills his friend Lensky! Why are men!
After that we had another 25 minute intermission. These intermissions were almost longer than the actual show! This show is perfect for those with short attention spans and/or quick bladders.
In Act III, (another half hour one), time has passed and now a grown-up Tatiana has married a prince. She a princess! They are throwing a ball at the palace, and Onegin is in attendance. He is enamored with this beautiful princess and realizes oh hot damn it’s that country girl I humiliated! He goes up to her and is like ‘hey it’s me Eugene!’ and he writes a love letter to her now. My how the tables have turned on this jackwagon. She asks not to see him but he comes to her room in the palace that night anyway because of course he doesn’t listen to other people’s desires, and he pleads his love for her and they do the most INCREDIBLE flying dancing I’ve ever seen. It’s sexual and violent and they dance out their feelings to the extreme and you never want it to end. Tatiana tries to resist him but he is so powerful and dark and brooding and you’re like Tatiana no resist resist! And just when you think she might give in she stops dancing and just POINTS OUT THE DOOR without looking at him and it’s amaaaaaaaaazing. It’s the best moment of any ballet, when this woman decides she is now strong enough to stand up for herself. I loved that it was also the first ballet I’ve seen where a woman fights her desires and does something right INSTEAD OF DYING. Seriously why does every ballet kill the young girl? Obviously sad men wrote all the stories. But not this one! No young girls died in this! Sure a nice young man did and that was sad but men should stop letting their anger get the best of them and stop starting duels! Haven’t they listened to Terry Crews?
Anyway, it was the most phenomenal ballet with the most beautiful performances from the principals: Vladislav Lantratov as Onegin, Olga Smirnova as Tatiana, Anastacia Vinokur as Olga, and Ivan Alexeev as Lensky. At least I think these are their names; the programme is in Cyrillic. If you go to Moscow, you need to see something at the Bolshoi. So spectacular. And if this ballet is performed somewhere closer to you, you should see it since the girl doesn’t die! What a treat!
INFORMATION
To buy tickets, we had to sign up to the Bolshoi website. OMG I just looked and Onegin is on tonight!!! Ahhhh! Go! You can’t go! Anyway they send email confirmation which you need to bring to the box office, except the box office is very poorly signed and staffed so be ready for that. Kind of frustrating.
Just in case you thought maybe bad audiences only existed in the west (I don’t know why you would think that? people suck everywhere), the audience here was talking THE ENTIRE TIME. I got an usher at one point because this box near us was full of jerks who were talking at regular volume. I just cannot handle how bad audience behavior has become. Please don’t talk at the theatre (movie theatres count too) and please for the love of god put your phones away.
The bathrooms were the nicest in the entire country. The end.
So John Cranko (no relation to Broadway director John Rando like of course not but their names speak to me in the same way now (maybe because if you change their last name o’s to e sounds they both become me)) created his magnificent ballet in 1965 for the Stuttgart Ballet. It was performed there in Germany and in London but not at the Bolshoi until like just a few years ago! What you fools been doing besides choosing presidents! Fortunately, they added it to their repertoire in time for my visit, and I got to see the Bolshoi ballet company perform something other than their speed-assisted craziness in ‘Bye Bye Birdie’. They are spectacular. I don’t know why Sergei wanted to leave Russia to dance in San Francisco with Galena when they both could have joined the Bolshoi. I guess for freedom. (by the way I am still talking about ‘Center Stage’, BME.)
‘Onegin’ tells…shows…dances? basically the same story as the novel, at least the main part. It tells the tale of a girl named Tatiana and this asshat of a man named Eugene Onegin, who does not have the right to be such a confident jerk especially to women when he is named Eugene. It opens with Tatiana and her sister Olga dance-playing and dance-sewing in the garden with their mother, talking girly, and then they decide to play a much-loved Russian game where girls look in a mirror to see fatalistic/magical glimpses of their future loves. They do this in ‘War & Peace’ too (or at least the version I know much more thoroughly, the musical ‘Natasha, Pierre, & the Great Comet of 1812’, when Sonya tells us “Early Sunday morning, Natasha and I lit a candle, looked in the mirror [‘meer’]” and then Natasha happily comments “I see my face!” because she is an IDIOT and Sonya rolls her eyes musically and explains to her stupid cousin “they say you can see your future in the long row of candles stretching back and back and back into the depths of the mirror [‘meer’]. In the dim confused last square, you’ll see a coffin or a man. Everyone sees a man.”). Ok so I know I didn’t really need to quote ‘Comet’ yet again but admit that that helps you understand what Tatiana and Olga were doing, right? I can go on if you want me to!
So Olga’s fiancé Lensky arrives (query why they were looking in the mirror for mystical peeks at future husbos if she already was engaged), an amiable, most happy fellow who seems decent. P.s., the ballerina playing Olga was maybe 11 years old, and Tatiana maybe 14, tops. I’m not sure whether to go with the headline ‘ballet stunts your growth like gymnastics and these were indeed adults’ or ‘Russians kidnap children and force-train them into incredible dancers, can we be mad or no.’ Anyway Lensky brought a friend: the dark, brooding, could-play-Heathcliff-if-he-wasn’t-such-a-good-dancer Eugene Onegin, who is dressed all in black because he’s so dark and brooding and the only thing he can do with his face besides look handsome is scoff. So the dancer playing Onegin looked just like Eric Bana from my mezzanine seat and I hundo p would have sworn it was him save for the dancing ability. Onegin looks around at the lovely little family’s love little garden and lovely little girls and he scoffs, he scoffs this way, he scoffs that way, he scoffs hither and thither. But little Tatiana thinks he’s the keenest because she never saw a city boy before, maybe, and thinks dressing in all black is a sign of sophistication. Or whatever. That night, she dance-writes a love letter to him.
This opening scene in the garden, plus the love letter writing that night, composed Act I. It was about 40 minutes long…and then we got a 25 minute intermission! 25 minutes! I could have peed 3 times.
Act II was only 30 minutes! Man alive I didn’t even have to pee after. While short, it packs a punch. It’s Tatiana’s birthday party, and Onegin comes, but he’s such a dink that he is rude to everyone and rolls his eyes the whole time at how simple these folk are and how unsophisticated and boring. Also, he is bothered by the fact that this sweet little girl wrote him a love letter. What a dink. So he goes up to Tatiana, the birthday girl, holds her letter out, and rips it up in front of her! I KNOW! He’s the worst! But he’s not done – to add some excitement to his inexplicable boredom (they’re at a fancy party with ballerinas!), he decides to provoke his friend Lensky by flirting with Olga, his fiancée. Olga is just a little 11-year-old ballerina so she dances with him just because she likes dancing and doesn’t think anything of it other than it would be fun and maybe funny. But Lensky is pisssssed, and he challenges Eugene to a duel. And Eugene Onegin becomes a murderer! He kills his friend Lensky! Why are men!
After that we had another 25 minute intermission. These intermissions were almost longer than the actual show! This show is perfect for those with short attention spans and/or quick bladders.
In Act III, (another half hour one), time has passed and now a grown-up Tatiana has married a prince. She a princess! They are throwing a ball at the palace, and Onegin is in attendance. He is enamored with this beautiful princess and realizes oh hot damn it’s that country girl I humiliated! He goes up to her and is like ‘hey it’s me Eugene!’ and he writes a love letter to her now. My how the tables have turned on this jackwagon. She asks not to see him but he comes to her room in the palace that night anyway because of course he doesn’t listen to other people’s desires, and he pleads his love for her and they do the most INCREDIBLE flying dancing I’ve ever seen. It’s sexual and violent and they dance out their feelings to the extreme and you never want it to end. Tatiana tries to resist him but he is so powerful and dark and brooding and you’re like Tatiana no resist resist! And just when you think she might give in she stops dancing and just POINTS OUT THE DOOR without looking at him and it’s amaaaaaaaaazing. It’s the best moment of any ballet, when this woman decides she is now strong enough to stand up for herself. I loved that it was also the first ballet I’ve seen where a woman fights her desires and does something right INSTEAD OF DYING. Seriously why does every ballet kill the young girl? Obviously sad men wrote all the stories. But not this one! No young girls died in this! Sure a nice young man did and that was sad but men should stop letting their anger get the best of them and stop starting duels! Haven’t they listened to Terry Crews?
Anyway, it was the most phenomenal ballet with the most beautiful performances from the principals: Vladislav Lantratov as Onegin, Olga Smirnova as Tatiana, Anastacia Vinokur as Olga, and Ivan Alexeev as Lensky. At least I think these are their names; the programme is in Cyrillic. If you go to Moscow, you need to see something at the Bolshoi. So spectacular. And if this ballet is performed somewhere closer to you, you should see it since the girl doesn’t die! What a treat!
INFORMATION
To buy tickets, we had to sign up to the Bolshoi website. OMG I just looked and Onegin is on tonight!!! Ahhhh! Go! You can’t go! Anyway they send email confirmation which you need to bring to the box office, except the box office is very poorly signed and staffed so be ready for that. Kind of frustrating.
Just in case you thought maybe bad audiences only existed in the west (I don’t know why you would think that? people suck everywhere), the audience here was talking THE ENTIRE TIME. I got an usher at one point because this box near us was full of jerks who were talking at regular volume. I just cannot handle how bad audience behavior has become. Please don’t talk at the theatre (movie theatres count too) and please for the love of god put your phones away.
The bathrooms were the nicest in the entire country. The end.
We Return to Live Theatre! ‘Adventures with the Painted People’ at Pitlochry Festival Theatre
PEOPLE! Can you believe it? For the first time since March 14, 2020, when we saw Uncle Vanya in the West End and the guy behind me coughed a bunch and we realized ‘oh this is bad’ (the spectre of disease, not the play; the play was incredible) (and then I had covid – was it from him? we’ll never know (just kidding I know it was you asshole)), we were back at a LIVE FORKING SHOW in person in a theatre! Well not ‘in’ – our first show back wisely took place in an outdoor amphitheatre; we’re not crazy! Gimme that wind if I’m around other people! But wow, can you imagine how excited I am? I LOVE THE THEE UH TUHHH.
I wonder if the excitement of being back would have made me enjoy even a bad play, but we will never know because Official Return Show was quite an impressive little treat. ‘Adventures with the Painted People’, by David Greig, is a four-hander (you remember how I changed the terms to make them accurate?) that tells of a Roman officer named Lucius who gets kidnapped by Picts. It’s 2000 years ago and Romans have taken over, killed all the good Pictish men, ruined everything as invaders do for native peoples. When a group of Pictish boys find the stray Roman by the water, they knock him out and bring him to their tribe’s witch, Eithne, to be a sacrifice, naturally.
For someone being tied up in a witch’s ‘house of the dead’ which is really a cave of the dead which is much worse, Lucius never seems too angry or upset. Nicholas Karimi’s portrayal is really likeable, and you’re like aw I hope he doesn’t get sacrificed. He writes insubstantial poetry, but you can tell he feels more dreamy than the rigidity of a Roman officer’s life would normally allow. And that makes for a good pairing with Kirsty Stuart’s Eithne, the Pictish version of a manic pixie dream girl if ever there was one. (Manic pictish dream girl OH MY GOD.) She’s full of energy and conversations with spirits and flowery language, compared to the Roman’s straight lines. And yet, as she tells her captive, she wants his help to become Roman, so that she can implore the governor to work with her to implement peace instead of continued violence on her people. Maybe if he helps her, she won’t sacrifice him. Also if there’s a good pig she won’t need to.
In this early-AD Odd Couple, Eithne, witch of the salmon people who only tell stories by fire pit, learns how to read and write, learns about world history, learns about Roman life and laws. Lucius learns about the Pictish people, those that his mission has been to quash, and decides to write about this woman and her life. They both warm to each other. Over the weeks they study together in this cave, they become friends, and then they start to fall in love, obvs.
A love story between these two stark contrasts – one of straight lines, one of nature and spirits; one of the invaders vs. one of the oppressed natives – could easily have been as trite and schmaltzy (and annoying) as other attempts at heartfelt stories between colonizer and victim usually are. Although I feared that the final scene would be a bit like the U.S.-only ending of the 2005 Pride & Prejudice – which is superior, but too romantic for Brits apparently – this play managed to avoid all potential traps due to its strong writing delivering on a well-formed idea of what it wanted to accomplish. It did so with humor, great performances, and solid direction from Elizabeth Newman. I really enjoyed the set design and staging (I can’t find if Lizzie or someone else is responsible for the design), especially the circle of fire (erma erma) and the gorgeously done mosaic reveal (LOVED). The only thing I didn’t enjoy was that the little fire pit onstage blew all its smoke right in my face for a good hour as it died out, like no matter what the wind brought it right into my face, the face of the person in that audience who tolerates smoke the worst. My eyes are still burning two days later (they are like pumice, it’s not great). But that’s just me I’m weird. (See seating info below.)
Between the otherwise fresh air in Pitlochry and the lack of a stranger sitting right next to me (keep this up forever, maybe?), this returnship was about as nice as I could have hoped. Sure I got so nauseous on the winding Napoli-coastline-style drive that we had to stop so I could [redacted], but still, what a night. I highly recommend this show.
INFORMATION
The outdoor amphitheatre is up a windy hill, and although the main building and parking lot is a construction zone at present, the climb up and the amphi’s setting is beyond gorgeous. I need to talk to whoever is in charge of their gardening because um I need your help. Although the setting is lovely, the walk may be difficult for those who are less ambulatory.
Because the main building’s under construction and the shows are happening in this relatively small outdoor area at the top of a freaking hill, that means the toilets are unavailable. There is a portapotty up on the hill – one, for everyone. Luckily it never got too crowded (do Scottish people not pee??) but I was less than thrilled about having to use a porto three times (three is the bare minimum for me at the theatre, what fun I have). It was clean and whatever but I dreamt longingly of the endless immaculate newly refurbished stalls of Broadway’s Lyric Theatre, oh those were the days. Oh there are two bar setups up there as well. Nothing more UK than two spacious bar setups with like four staff members, but one toilet.
You have to wear masks everywhere except when you are seated, which seems a bit nonsensical since that’s when you are closest to other people and not walking around an incredibly spacious garden setting. That should really be rethought. Groups are sat so there’s a good few feet between them on each row, but it doesn’t stagger from row to row, meaning you have someone right behind and right in front of you. I guess that’s smarter than being surrounded on all diagonals? but because of it I wish they didn’t actively tell people they could take their masks off once seated.
The seating is open plan; an usher will seat you as you arrive. They sat us on the far aisle from where you enter, second row, so don’t sit there if you hate smoke. Although that was probably a unique occurrence from the universe just to fork with me so you’ll be fine.
‘Adventures of the Painted People’ plays at the Pitlochry Festival Theatre (in Perthshire, the most beautiful part of Scotland), until July 4, when I assume the closing performance will be marked with nonstop fireworks from your shitty neighbors. Just kidding, not in Scotland baby!
