One Short Day in the Capital City: A Quick Tour of Brusselsby Randi / January 6, 2020Today’s theatre review is Curtains, currently playing at London’s Wyndham’s Theatre until January 11.
Let’s address the elephant in the room first. I love David Hyde Pierce (who doesn’t?), but I am still a bit of a salty salty dog over his semi-surprise Tony Award win over Raul Esparza (in Company) in 2007. DHP won for the then-new musical comedy-murder mystery Curtains, which I enjoyed on Broadway due to clever story-telling and pitch perfect casting, which, okay fine, included DHP’s flawless performance as one of the most inventive new musical theatre characters in recent memory. Now that the sting of Raul’s loss is somewhat faded, I was eager to see Curtains again without the resentment my younger self harbored over a nonsense award. Currently in the West End for just a few days more, and starring English comedian Jason Manford, I can newly appreciate Curtains as a fun romp of a show that despite its flaws guarantees a good time.
Curtains features a score by Kander & Ebb – I know – so right off the bat you’re like ‘oh this is for real.’ Though it doesn’t boast any future classics, the score is serviceable and fine, with some really good parts. I find the book, by Rupert Holmes, more impressive and funny. It helps that the story this musical tells is so clever: It’s opening night of a musical’s pre-Broadway premiere in Boston (I was just at one of those!), and the horrendously untalented leading lady is murdered during final bows! Egads! Lt. Frank Cioffi of the Boston PD is on the case, investigating cast and crew as they’re on lockdown in the theatre, which is too perfect for him since he is…an enormous musical theatre fan and amateur performer. I just love that SO MUCH. What a fantastic character! (I said that in Fred Armisen’s Mr Birch voice from Big Mouth, if you couldn’t tell but you could.) More murders happen and more twists and unexpected turns, but through it all the most important thing isn’t that people keep dying – it’s that a musical is being made, people! No okay the lackadaisical attitude most of the characters have to multiple murders is kind of weird, but I do understand valuing good theatre above all else so can you really blame them. (Ok no it is kind of weird.)
Though comparisons to a master like DHP are unavoidable and no good for anyone, Manford is very capable and fun and his Cioffi is an amiable goof who can’t help but comment on the show – and actually help improve it – instead of focusing on his investigation. His departures from his intended role and inability to control his enthusiasm for musical theatre is a MOOD, as the yoots say, and I love it, obviously. As writer-turned-unwitting-star of the show-within-a-show (called Robbin’ Hood of the Old West…it seems…terrible), Georgia is played by Carley Stenson, best known by most of the UK from the classic TV show Hollyoaks but a veritable West End star on her own merit. Her voice is wonderful, and her performance in general, although I could deal without all the Robbin’ Hood choreo trying to make her overly sexy. Other performers who stood out included Emma Caffrey as Bambi, the allegedly ditzy dancer, and the too hilarious Samuel Holmes as the bitchy director.
This show could benefit from about 20 minutes of fat trimmed off; it would make it a much snappier show that vibes better with its intended tone. In fact, I’m pretty sure it was at most 2 ½ hours on Broadway, but the moments of too-slow pacing in London have extended it to almost 3 hours! That’s nuts! And it’s too bad that the score highlights the show-within-a-show numbers more than the ones that tell the story, like the repeated “In the Same Boat” bits and the entire Robbin’ Hood saloon/brothel-y number “Thataway!”, which felt like it was 15 minutes. Even with the important events at the end of that number, it should be at least half as short. Same with the Singin’ in the Rain style “A Tough Act to Follow”, it felt way too long (but maybe because the love story between Cioffi and Niki, one of the actresses, is too hard to buy). But there are some great songs that are performed very well, like the best of the score “Show People”.
So even with some slow moments, and too much focus on Robbin’ Hood, and despite how godawful I’m sure Robbin’ Hood is, Curtains is a fun and funny whodunit that succeeds despite some flaws. What struck me most is how perfect this show is for high school and college, since there are SO MANY great parts, all of which get a chance to really show off. And there’s so much humor and good will that it’s always pretty enjoyable.
INFORMATION
Curtains ends its run at the Wyndham’s Theatre on January 11. This audience was shockingly well behaved!!
The Wyndham’s toilets situation is a travesty: if you are seated in the stalls, the ladies bathroom is house right/stage left and only has TWO STALLS. If you sit in Row E or F, as I did, you will be the first there, but otherwise you have to go upstairs to the lobby to have a chance. TWO STALLS.
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Golden Globes 2017: The Good and the Ugly and the Crazy
As usual, the Golden Globes featured some great moments, some surprises, and a lot of really stupid moments. But one of the most noticeable differences this time around was how unfunny the telecast was compared to the past few years. For an awards show that usually has its live and TV audiences in stitches, the laughter was remarkably limited. Sometimes I’ll think of jokes from 2013 and 2014, when Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted, and crack up uncontrollably. Like when they commented on the “Zero Dark Thirty” controversy and chose to believe Kathryn Bigelow because “when it comes to torture, I’m gonna believe the woman who was married to James Cameron.” They were amazing. But this year? I of course dole out a bit of the blame to the always-insane Hollywood Foreign Press for being equal parts bizarre and deluded, but most of the unfunny came from Jimmy Fallon, a person I used to adore and now pretty much despise. He likes to say that he prefers his comedy with rounded edges and doesn’t like to engage in politics, but that’s a rich sentiment coming from his white straight male superwealthy mouth.
Fallon’s opening parody of “La La Land”, though expected, starting off strong but quickly spiraled into lackluster b.s. I loved the red carpet bits with various celebrities, but when the “Stranger Things” kids started rapping again, it became apparent that this was half-assed. (Although those kids did lead into the best part of the opening: the synchronized diving Barbs. Is she really still alive?) Instead of Millie rapping, they should have had Gaten sing. That would have been something special. And then naturally Fallon’s lap dog/security blanket Justin Timberlake came on for a dance, the entire joke-premise of which seemed to be ‘let’s laugh at two men dancing’.
Maybe it was an attempt to make up for how shitty he was in the fall, or maybe he couldn’t avoid it because it’s all anyone is talking about (rightly so), but Fallon’s monologue, once he got past the teleprompter issues (which shouldn’t really be a thing for a professional comedian?), was heavy on light Trump jokes. Like referencing nominee “Game of Thrones” and asking what it would be like if King Joffrey had lived – “Well in 12 days we’re gonna find out!” Haha that is HILARIOUS, Jimmy Fallon, when you are the one who made him seem normal and endearing to many voters. His non-Trump stuff was slightly funnier, although I don’t know how I feel about his Chris Rock impression. It’s a good impression, as most of his impressions are, and the content was strong – about how all the “The People Vs. O.J. Simpson” winners were going to thank Ryan Murphy and their partners but not one of them would thank the one person who had the most to do with getting them to that stage – O.J. Simpon. That was hilarious, especially when the camera cut to Sterling K. Brown and Cuba Gooding Jr. laughing really hard. But to do a Chris Rock impression in the first place, when talking about O.J., I don’t know it just seemed a little wrong.
Thankfully, he didn’t speak for too long before the awards started. But the slightly off-kilter vibe this entire telecast had was evident from the start, as Emma Stone got up to present the first award with Ryan Gosling. When she got to the microphone, she f-ing sighed. Maybe she was just tired of how much success she is currently enjoying, but it very much came across as if she hated being there and wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. That’s something I would expect from a Billy Bob Thornton (who later got his chance to be suuuper weird with his acceptance speech) but not from Hollywood’s golden girl. Maybe it was a sigh of relief that Fallon’s main part was over with but I doubt it.
The bullshit continued, most egregiously, with the announcement of that first award, for Supporting Actor in a Movie. I literally screamed when Aaron Taylor-Johnson beat Mahershala Ali from “Moonlight”. I have nothing against the actor himself, but are you f-ing kidding me that ANYTHING from that POS “Nocturnal Animals” won an award of any kind that wasn’t a Razzie or more appropriately a “Do Not Resuscitate” from the League of Women Voters, #ShoutYourAbortion, and/or Equality Now? I will get more into this in my pre-Oscars movie review roundup (and how), but “Nocturnal Animals” was one of the most offensive and misogynist (and offensively misogynist) films I’ve ever seen, more so because it and its creator Tom Ford (what a winner he is) don’t even realize how indulgently violent and aggressively chauvinistic they are. It’s subtle enough in its rampant misogyny that I’m sure many viewers didn’t notice, but it struck me so clearly and consistently throughout the film that this was a piece for dangerously backwards thinkers who legitimately hate women. It reminded me of the kind of showy violent against women that goes unchecked in shows like SVU, but much more sinister in its lack of awareness. Point is, I cannot believe that this movie is getting accolades instead of disdain, especially over the one movie that deserves more than it has been getting, “Moonlight”. I mean, but I can believe it, because this is a world that allowed for Trump, so.
The next award went to Billy Bob, so for a while the entire broadcast was entirely about celebrating hickish white male psychopaths who do nothing to improve society and everything to push it backwards (whether their character or real life). Cool HFPA. Billy Bob did not disappoint with his peculiar speech about how he was very happy to have beaten fellow nominee Bob Odenkirk, because the two Bobs have had a rivalry dating back to the 1940s, when they were in a movie with Van Johnson? Cut to Bob Odenkirk looking as super confused as the rest of us about why we allow Billy Bob to say things.
Finally, things picked up when Tracee Ellis Ross won for Actress in a Comedy Series. I’ve only seen a few episodes of “Black-ish” but she’s wonderful in it. I especially enjoyed when she thanked her mom and dad because her mom is Dianaaaaaa.
I honestly didn’t even realize that season 3 of “Transparent” already came and went. Damnn I’m so behind on my pop culture. Really behind, because the TV comedy winner – “Atlanta” – I haven’t even started yet. Which is nuts, because I adore Donald Glover so much! Troy Barnes man! He’s so flipping charming – “I really wanna thank…like. Atlanta – like all the black folks!” had everyone cracking up. What an impressive person, to have created, written, and starred in this critically acclaimed show while in his other career, as a rapper-singer, he’s produced another critically acclaimed album.
Interim fashion report: All the men have lumberjack beards, Mandy in “Homeland”-style. All the women seem to be wearing very sparse bedazzled dresses. And Nicole Kidman is wearing swimmies! Carrie Underwood’s pink ruffly gown is both super ugly and super pretty too. These open-shoulder clothes need to end their time in the sun already; I don’t get the appeal. And several women are wearing jackets (like Meryl’s) with bigger bedazzled jewels all over them. Weird.
Speaking of, one such bedazzled-jacket wearer, Nina Jacobson, also gave us a super weird speech. The producer of “The People Vs. O.J.” read written notes – always a bad idea, but here more ridiculous than usual, because she described the actual trial as a “tragedy turned into entertainment”, which maybe is true but just came across as really crazily insensitive and vulgur. Like her jacket.
This show was quickly spiraling to a level no one wanted to see, so luckily we were distracted by both great and incredibly random presenters. On the former side, we had Annette Bening come out and give off her trademark vibe of “Oh yes, I am here, and I am better than you”, but in like a great way. On the latter side, we got the random duo of Naomi Campbell (does she act or just throw phones) and that handsome advanced robot who goes by Matt Bomer.
Finally, we were treated to some funny when Hugh Laurie won his third Globe, for “The Night Manager”, and said how he was honored to win at the very last Golden Globes. “I don’t mean to be gloomy but it has the words ‘Hollywood’, ‘foreign’, and ‘press’ in the title. For some republicans, even the word ‘association’ is too much.” So funny, and extra good coming from such a glorious curmudgeon. He ended by accepting the award on behalf of psychopathic billionaires everywhere. Best acceptance speech by far.
Things picked up a little after that, with another fantastic acceptance coming from the truly joyous and delightful winners for Best Song, Pasek and Paul. It’s no secret I’m a huge fan of their musical work but it’s absolutely mind-boggling that they are going to win an Oscar soon, and before they even win a Tony (which they really better win in June or I’ll flip). They were so sincere in their happiness that it was a relief amid the rest of the room’s sense of boredom. It’s nice to see newcomers remind the others how lucky they all are to be there.
Okay, so the greatest part of the entire evening came during a commercial break. Did you see the CIGNA commercial? It featured all the famous TV doctors – Lisa Edelstein from “House”, Donald Faison from “Scrubs”, Patrick Dempsey from “Grey’s Anatomy”, and Alan Alda from “MASH” dressed as doctors telling people to get health insurance or something I stopped listening because I was yelling and reveling about how this was the best commercial in history. Why has no medical organization thought of this in the past? LOVES IT.
I guess that commercial was the indicator that things were about to get better, because the next few presenters were my favorites. We got Dev Patel and little Sunny Pawar from “Lion”, a fantastic movie and both of them are incredible in it. But really it’s all about how flinging flanging adorable Sunny Pawar is. Omg he is the cutest little face I cannot take it. Really, you need to see “Lion” if only for how great and cute he is. And heartbreaking. And so cute.
The next pair, Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn, gave a welcome change of pace. Amy gets to the mic and said, “You guys, it’s Goldie Hawn.” And Goldie Hawn says, “I know.” The camera cut to Kurt Russell’s hilarious face and it was all wonderful. And then this happened:
Husband: “Is Goldie Hawn drunk?”
Goldie: “The nominees for Motion Picture Comedy or Mystical…”
Amy: “Musical.”
Goldie: “Musical.”
Husband: “So, yes.”
The very first actually moving speech came courtesy of Ryan Gosling, who thanked his partner Eva Mendes and dedicated the award to the memory of her brother, who battled cancer during the filming. I had no idea about any of this tragedy and it was kind of shockingly sad. Eva wasn’t there which is good because it would have been way too sad to see her cry.
Husband: “Is Goldie Hawn drunk?”
Goldie: “The nominees for Motion Picture Comedy or Mystical…”
Amy: “Musical.”
Goldie: “Musical.”
Husband: “So, yes.”
The very first actually moving speech came courtesy of Ryan Gosling, who thanked his partner Eva Mendes and dedicated the award to the memory of her brother, who battled cancer during the filming. I had no idea about any of this tragedy and it was kind of shockingly sad. Eva wasn’t there which is good because it would have been way too sad to see her cry.
Happily, the next presenters lightened the mood and kind of saved the show. Kristin Wiig and Steve Carell – who should host next year, please – presented I don’t even know what award because it didn’t matter. All that mattered was their continued dark humor as they riffed on each other for longer than it seemed they were allowed. Kristin, with a new short haircut, joked about how they get their hair cut together. “I’ll have that” she said and Steve shot back, “and I’ll have that – I’ll have what she’s having, like the orgasm.” Their ridiculousness continued as they remembered their first movies they saw in theatres but turned it into dark and weird stories about their family history, like how Steve’s first movie, whatever it was, “was the last time I saw my Grandpa…he disappeared.” They are amazing.
I’m sure it got some flack, but I think the decision to cut the In Memoriam (it would have been longer than the telecast, given how insane 2016 was) in favor of just a short about Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher, was a good idea. It was lovely but I wish it were a little longer. Hell they should have just shown “Singin in the Rain” in its entirety. Or all of Debbie’s flawless scenes from “Will & Grace”. And then all of Carrie’s perfect, hysterical late night appearances that uniformly destroyed the hosts. God this is one of the saddest, most tragic things.
Next, Casey Affleck presented our next nominated drama, “Manchester by the Sea”. He said it was a surprisingly funny and moving family drama, to which I responded out loud, “IS IT?” The clip showed 100% of all the dialogue from that overrated movie.
In the contest for Worst Acceptance speech, we already had lots of entrees, but Tom Hiddleston’s may be the winner for incongruous it is for a professional actor – who just won an acting award, no less – to be unable to speak well publicly. His long weird rambling story – about how doctors and nurses in the South Sudan binge watched his show – had all the makings of an actually good story about people doing seriously important work. Yet his inability to tell a story made it all really uncomfortable. It did have two things going for it though: one, it proved the importance of writers, and two, Christian Slater’s face.
I’m sure it got some flack, but I think the decision to cut the In Memoriam (it would have been longer than the telecast, given how insane 2016 was) in favor of just a short about Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher, was a good idea. It was lovely but I wish it were a little longer. Hell they should have just shown “Singin in the Rain” in its entirety. Or all of Debbie’s flawless scenes from “Will & Grace”. And then all of Carrie’s perfect, hysterical late night appearances that uniformly destroyed the hosts. God this is one of the saddest, most tragic things.
Next, Casey Affleck presented our next nominated drama, “Manchester by the Sea”. He said it was a surprisingly funny and moving family drama, to which I responded out loud, “IS IT?” The clip showed 100% of all the dialogue from that overrated movie.
In the contest for Worst Acceptance speech, we already had lots of entrees, but Tom Hiddleston’s may be the winner for incongruous it is for a professional actor – who just won an acting award, no less – to be unable to speak well publicly. His long weird rambling story – about how doctors and nurses in the South Sudan binge watched his show – had all the makings of an actually good story about people doing seriously important work. Yet his inability to tell a story made it all really uncomfortable. It did have two things going for it though: one, it proved the importance of writers, and two, Christian Slater’s face.
A little more than halfway through, we got to the part that people usually skip over but this year was the most important part – the lifetime achievement award, this year to Meryl Streep. Meryl’s speech was the most talked about part of the Globes, for dern good reason. But before we get there, let’s talk about how weird Viola Davis’s introduction was. Now, I adore Viola Davis. If you don’t adore her, you’re weird. She will be a Meryl Streep one day, if there is justice, which there isn’t. Even just her nose drippings are better actors than 99% of those out there. I thought it was interesting that Viola introduced Meryl since Meryl is the one that beat her for the Oscar that everyone, including the cover of Entertainment Weekely, assumed was in Viola’s bag. Viola don’t care. Viola loves Meryl and Meryl loves Viola because fierce ladies stick together. However, it was the weirdest speech. Viola was imitating Meryl when Meryl sassed her on not making fully homemade apple pie or on making collard greens wrong, but it wasn’t imitating in a funny way, just a really dry and straightforward way, so it was suuupes uncomfortable for everyone, I think. If it didn’t finally FINALLY devolve into smiles, I would have thought Viola was Meryl’s enemy and was given the stage to destroy her or something. Very awkward and kind of painful. She ended by quoting Avatar and repeating, “I see you. I see you.” So, weird all around.
Luckily, Meryl’s speech was red underlined 100 emoji, and the endless news coverage it engendered is deserved. It was amazing. She started by listing off actors in attendance and not in attendance and stating where they were born, and it quickly was apparent that these esteemed actors were from all corners of the country and all reaches of the world, proving that Hollywood is, in contrast to what idiots like to pretend, full of different kinds of people with all different backgrounds. And if you got rid of all the outsiders in Hollywood, there would be no one left, and nothing left to watch except football and MMA, which isn’t art. I loved it. She went on to talk about how Trump’s mocking of the disabled reporter has stuck with her (all of us) and broke her heart, and how it gave permission for others to do the same thing. Disrespect incites disrespect, she said. “When the powerful use their position to bully others, we all lose,” she said in her most quoted quote. “We need a principled press to hold power to account.” I love that she used this platform to say these important things. It doesn’t matter that she was preaching to the choir for the most part because the alternative is staying quiet, which isn’t an option. Also, look at how angry it made Trump, proving once again but to a really wide audience that he is more of an immature crybaby than a colicky infant. I love that Meryl spoke about him but never once said his actual name, because you know that that is what really got to him. Genius, she is a genius. The one thing I wish she did differently was say the name of that reporter, Serge Kovaleski, instead of continuing – as everyone is – to refer to him as just ‘disabled reporter’. I did have to look up his name though. It just would have hurt Trump so much more if the great Meryl Streep said Serge’s name and not his. As it is though, she was fantastic and we don’t deserve her. And she ended beautifully too: “As my dear departed friend Princess Leia said to me once, take your broken heart and make it into art.”
Luckily, Meryl’s speech was red underlined 100 emoji, and the endless news coverage it engendered is deserved. It was amazing. She started by listing off actors in attendance and not in attendance and stating where they were born, and it quickly was apparent that these esteemed actors were from all corners of the country and all reaches of the world, proving that Hollywood is, in contrast to what idiots like to pretend, full of different kinds of people with all different backgrounds. And if you got rid of all the outsiders in Hollywood, there would be no one left, and nothing left to watch except football and MMA, which isn’t art. I loved it. She went on to talk about how Trump’s mocking of the disabled reporter has stuck with her (all of us) and broke her heart, and how it gave permission for others to do the same thing. Disrespect incites disrespect, she said. “When the powerful use their position to bully others, we all lose,” she said in her most quoted quote. “We need a principled press to hold power to account.” I love that she used this platform to say these important things. It doesn’t matter that she was preaching to the choir for the most part because the alternative is staying quiet, which isn’t an option. Also, look at how angry it made Trump, proving once again but to a really wide audience that he is more of an immature crybaby than a colicky infant. I love that Meryl spoke about him but never once said his actual name, because you know that that is what really got to him. Genius, she is a genius. The one thing I wish she did differently was say the name of that reporter, Serge Kovaleski, instead of continuing – as everyone is – to refer to him as just ‘disabled reporter’. I did have to look up his name though. It just would have hurt Trump so much more if the great Meryl Streep said Serge’s name and not his. As it is though, she was fantastic and we don’t deserve her. And she ended beautifully too: “As my dear departed friend Princess Leia said to me once, take your broken heart and make it into art.”
Meryl’s speech was indeed the high point of the show, which was made very clear by the still-super awkward presenting teams to come. The most awkward was probably the team of Sienna Miller, Ben Affleck, and Zoe Saldana. I missed how they are related, but the real story was how awful they seemed to be at working together. Zoe apparently forgot how to read and left poor Barry Jenkins from “Moonlight” hanging as she paused for an obscene about of time before saying ‘oh, Barry Jenkins! Sorry!’ and totally ruining his big moment. And when Zoe interrupted Ben’s attempt to read some lines, it wasn’t clear who messed up but it was clear that Ben was noooot happy. All of it was so weird.
Hot takes:
I didn’t realize that Winona Ryder got nominated for being a genuine crazy person in “Stranger Things” so hooray for that and hooray for communicating through Christmas lights.
Claire Foy is the poshest Brit there because she’s the only one who thanked the queen. Gotta thank Lizzie!
Coolest double win since Kate Winslet: Donald Glover! Who would have guessed he would win two Golden Globes in one night? Donde esta la biblioteca! His speech showed how decent and down-to-earth he seems and I’m so happy for him. I hope he gets to meet Levar Burton now and not screamcry.
I loved Matt Damon when he presented Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy, and said he “has this privilege because I won this award in the male category last year, best actor in a musical or comedy…for The Martian, which is funnier than anything in The Martian.” The laughably inept HFPA’s decision to include “The Martian” in the comedy category last year will never stop being hilarious and ridiculous. One of the hallmarks of the Golden Globes is indeed the stupid decisions of the HFPA, as they maneuver around category descriptions and all good sense to make sure their favorite stars are nominated and awarded. It’s kind of a fun game, actually, as long as you don’t take it too seriously, which I do.
I find it very strange that Casey Affleck thanked Matt Damon but didn’t mention his brother Ben. Ben is so hurt I bet. I have no real problem with Casey’s mumbling and totally too chill demeanor, but if a woman spoke like him she would be vilified.
Case in point, I’m going to complain about Emma Stone right now, because she wins my award for Most Annoying Speech. She thanked Lionsgate for taking a chance on ‘newcomer’ Damien Chazelle, and while when production began on “La La Land”, he may have been a newcomer, it just seemed odd to say this after the success of “Whiplash” was three years ago. Like, after “Whiplash”, who in their right mind wouldn’t sign up to work with him on whatever he wanted? He wasn’t even 30 years old yet; everyone knew he was/is going to be huge. But okay, that’s not that offensive. Then she thanked a bunch of random first names that no one knows, which I always hate, but okay, whatever. But then, most annoying of all, she got emotional and said she shared this award with anyone who struggled or had doors slammed in their faces or actors who waited for a callback that never came &c. Like…I’m sorry I don’t buy this. I’d buy this from a Taraji P. Henson or Viola Davis who achieved big success somewhat later in life but not from one of the highest paid, most in demand people in Hollywood who got her break before she was twenty and got her big starring roles before most of her peers graduated college. I know she had a hard few years booking jobs when she moved to L.A. at 15 or 16 but like jfc give me a break, you were a teenager and started working consistently as just a slightly older teenager. Argh I wish they would have shown the faces of the actors in the audience who legitimately struggled for more than 5 years and for decades when there wasn’t a 1 in front of their age, faces which I’m sure read, “girl, please.” It pissed me off so much because it seems like the kind of thing you can’t find fault with – recognizing all those who struggle – but I find fault with it because she is notttt the person you look to when you think of struggling actors when she was a star at like 21 years old, FFS.
The best surprise win was Isabelle Huppert for “Elle” over Natalie Portman for “Jackie”. I’m not saying Natalie was my pick, because I only could get through about 30 minutes of “Jackie” (what an annoying and boring movie, although she was great). Just everything I’ve seen has been putting NatPo as the frontrunner so this was a big surprise. Yay for Isabelle! Although this worries me that perhaps this leaves a path open for Emma Stone to win the Oscar, which is just weird, though it would prove my above case about her not being the paradigm of struggling actor if she wins an Oscar in her 20’s, and I do like being right.
Conversations I would have loved to see during the commercial breaks:
I hope Stallone and Milo Ventimiglia were able to catch up at the party.
I would pay money to see Taraji go Cookie on Emma Stone and ask her, “So, when did you struggle.”
I would have liked to see all the men with bushy beards standing in a circle so they noticed how silly they looked.
I didn’t realize that Winona Ryder got nominated for being a genuine crazy person in “Stranger Things” so hooray for that and hooray for communicating through Christmas lights.
Claire Foy is the poshest Brit there because she’s the only one who thanked the queen. Gotta thank Lizzie!
Coolest double win since Kate Winslet: Donald Glover! Who would have guessed he would win two Golden Globes in one night? Donde esta la biblioteca! His speech showed how decent and down-to-earth he seems and I’m so happy for him. I hope he gets to meet Levar Burton now and not screamcry.
I loved Matt Damon when he presented Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy, and said he “has this privilege because I won this award in the male category last year, best actor in a musical or comedy…for The Martian, which is funnier than anything in The Martian.” The laughably inept HFPA’s decision to include “The Martian” in the comedy category last year will never stop being hilarious and ridiculous. One of the hallmarks of the Golden Globes is indeed the stupid decisions of the HFPA, as they maneuver around category descriptions and all good sense to make sure their favorite stars are nominated and awarded. It’s kind of a fun game, actually, as long as you don’t take it too seriously, which I do.
I find it very strange that Casey Affleck thanked Matt Damon but didn’t mention his brother Ben. Ben is so hurt I bet. I have no real problem with Casey’s mumbling and totally too chill demeanor, but if a woman spoke like him she would be vilified.
Case in point, I’m going to complain about Emma Stone right now, because she wins my award for Most Annoying Speech. She thanked Lionsgate for taking a chance on ‘newcomer’ Damien Chazelle, and while when production began on “La La Land”, he may have been a newcomer, it just seemed odd to say this after the success of “Whiplash” was three years ago. Like, after “Whiplash”, who in their right mind wouldn’t sign up to work with him on whatever he wanted? He wasn’t even 30 years old yet; everyone knew he was/is going to be huge. But okay, that’s not that offensive. Then she thanked a bunch of random first names that no one knows, which I always hate, but okay, whatever. But then, most annoying of all, she got emotional and said she shared this award with anyone who struggled or had doors slammed in their faces or actors who waited for a callback that never came &c. Like…I’m sorry I don’t buy this. I’d buy this from a Taraji P. Henson or Viola Davis who achieved big success somewhat later in life but not from one of the highest paid, most in demand people in Hollywood who got her break before she was twenty and got her big starring roles before most of her peers graduated college. I know she had a hard few years booking jobs when she moved to L.A. at 15 or 16 but like jfc give me a break, you were a teenager and started working consistently as just a slightly older teenager. Argh I wish they would have shown the faces of the actors in the audience who legitimately struggled for more than 5 years and for decades when there wasn’t a 1 in front of their age, faces which I’m sure read, “girl, please.” It pissed me off so much because it seems like the kind of thing you can’t find fault with – recognizing all those who struggle – but I find fault with it because she is notttt the person you look to when you think of struggling actors when she was a star at like 21 years old, FFS.
The best surprise win was Isabelle Huppert for “Elle” over Natalie Portman for “Jackie”. I’m not saying Natalie was my pick, because I only could get through about 30 minutes of “Jackie” (what an annoying and boring movie, although she was great). Just everything I’ve seen has been putting NatPo as the frontrunner so this was a big surprise. Yay for Isabelle! Although this worries me that perhaps this leaves a path open for Emma Stone to win the Oscar, which is just weird, though it would prove my above case about her not being the paradigm of struggling actor if she wins an Oscar in her 20’s, and I do like being right.
Conversations I would have loved to see during the commercial breaks:
I hope Stallone and Milo Ventimiglia were able to catch up at the party.
I would pay money to see Taraji go Cookie on Emma Stone and ask her, “So, when did you struggle.”
I would have liked to see all the men with bushy beards standing in a circle so they noticed how silly they looked.
The Prince of Egypt Hits London: That DreamWorks Money Though!
A tad too late in the game for reminding English people that they actually approve of (the idea of) some refugees, The Prince of Egypt has arrived in London, packing ‘em in at the Dominion Theatre and taking no prisoners (except the Hebrews). Based on the 1998 DreamWorks movie of the same name, The Prince of Egypt tells the story you know from your babble, of a little Hebrew bebbeh whose mother put him in a basket and sent him down the river instead of keeping him to suffer the slavery and genocide of their people. That baby was discovered by the Queen of Egypt, who adopted him, named him Moses (surprise!), and raised him as her own, until he realized his heritage and decided, with the help of god, to save his people. It’s a fantastic story, and really a phenomenal idea for a musical. So why is this show so lackluster?
Honestly, it feels amateur. It feels like an early draft in terms of book (at least some of that dialogue, yeesh) and, much more so, score, which is a strange feeling to get about material that has existed in large part for more than 20 years. I hate to speak ill of my boy little Stevie Schwartz, composer of some of my favorite scores (like Pippin and Wicked (don’t even try to pretend you don’t also love the Wicked score, no one’s buying your bullshirt)), but aside from the Oscar-winning “When You Believe”, there are few musical numbers that don’t feel pedestrian, despite so many golden opportunities for great songs. And the layout, my god: in Act II, there was a 40-minute span where every. single. song. sounded the same, with the same melody, same key, same time signature. It’s like Musical Theatre 101 to not have songs that sound the same or achieve the same goal in a row, so to have like, 7 of them almost made me scream. It’s a shame that a production this huge and this destined for a long run has such a bland score.
The visuals of this production, however, are fire. I mean that literally – there’s a good amount of pyrotechnics used. This production is dripping with evidence of endless financial backing, and it’s quite a visual treat. The staging, the special effects, that stage lifting up to ‘drown’ the Egyptians (the best part!), it’s all great. Not in an artistic way, mind you, not in a ‘wow this is sophisticated storytelling’ way, but in a ‘wow this spectacle is fun to watch’ way.
That extends to the cast as well. Luke Brady is a strong Moses, tasked with the enormous burden of carrying the show and doing a commendable job. His brother-turned-enemy, Ramses, is played by a solid Liam Tamne who gave me strong Papi from Pose vibes while offering a very very different Ramses from what we’ve seen before from performers like Yul Brynner, much more obviously insecure and uncertain. Christine Allado’s Tzipporah, like most of the women in this male-centric show, was sung well but felt poorly written. Her first big song is a sexy dance in a cage and she’s like ‘when I dance I dance for me’ which could have given Miss Saigon early-first-act vibes but instead reminded me of the Crazy Ex Girlfriend song “Put Yourself First” where the girls satirically sing “make yourself sexy/just for yourself” and I was like, oof. Her character continued to enrage me when she complained about the possibility of having to live in the palace in order to SAVE AN ENTIRE RACE like holy what girl get over yourself oh it’s so sad you have to live like a princess in order to SAVE PEOPLE FROM SLAVERY my absolute goodness. Ramses’s wife Nefertari (which every time I heard it was like like “It’s NeferTITI oh wait no it’s not”) (played by Tanisha Spring) is similarly underwritten as a haughty bench, except she gets to show a softer side (really any side) with a moving song in Act II that was, unfortunately, too similar to the ones before and after it. I did like Alexia Khadime’s Miriam, possibly because she is only really in it to act like Jasmine in the marketplace pretending to be crazy (except not pretending) and then singing the best song, so, lucky her.
The ensemble is probably the hardest working in London right now, with endless difficult choreography demanded of them. I’m not sure if Sean Cheesman’s (stay fresh, cheese bags) nonstop, energetic, primal choreography is always necessary, but it’s always interesting to watch and feels raw and visceral in a unique way (I almost yelled in pain just watching some of the more intense moves). The talented ensemble may be the most diverse in London too, which is great.
But I’m not sure that huge diverse ensemble includes any Jews (and even if it did, the whole awkward dancing to chanting Hebrew felt strange). And that wouldn’t be the only problem with this show in terms of that representation. This is a show about Jews – not sure if you knew, but Moses, hoo boy, he’s big with us. And this is telling his entire story, from birth to the parting of the Red Sea, like, it’s foundational Judaism right here. But this production, aside from treating ‘Hebrew’ like it’s some exotic fictional designation (and never saying the word Jew), has sanitized the story so it never actually feels like it’s about religion. It really seems like this guy Moses is doing all of this on his own, with very few, too few, mentions of how god is working through him and how god is on the side of the Jews (chosen people helloooo). Also, his guilt about all the shit he’s wrought is sad but he never confronts god about what he’s making him do. Seriously if you didn’t know the story it’s very blink-and-you’ll-miss-when-they-mention-it’s-god’s-doing, when they mention that god wants to save the Jews. Which is weird. Maybe they wanted this to feel like a more universal refugee story, which is valid for today’s society, but there’s a way to do that without making it feel like Jewish erasure.
If you are a discerning theatregoer, you are better off forgetting about Charlton Heston’s crappiness for a bit and rewatching The Ten Commandments film and playing “When You Believe” at the opportune moment, like when I watch Legally Blonde and pause when she sees her name on the list of interns so I can sing “So Much Better” from the musical version. If, instead, you are an average London audience member who loves spectacle, you will love this.
INFORMATION
Act I ended after an hour and 20 minutes, and the show overall ended after 2 hours 45 minutes. Yes it is about 20 minutes too long.
I sat in the stalls, and I recommend sitting on the house left side aisles for easy access to the ladies rooms. There’s one up from the bar at the back on the left, and there’s one if you sit on the extreme left all the way down by the stage, so that’s a fun little secret few people knew about. This theatre is a g-d barn so I can’t say if the right side of the house was set up the same.
Like most things at the Dominion Theatre, the audience behaves like they’re at a rock concert (as most long-running recent productions have been rock concert-ish…or the traveling megachurch services, not even joking). Lots of phones, lots of talking and even at like, regular volume? I had to yell at an old man for nonstop loud talking and he didn’t stop so I had to sit back and stew and hope that corona gets him.
Maybe I’m just spoiled with well done theatres lately, but the Dominion is a mess right now, not really up to par with small hospitality things that every other West End and near-West End theatre does. Like, they have no water pitchers at the bars. If you want water you have to wait in the regular long bar line. What’s up with that nonsense! Also, only one of the stalls doors had a content warning sign (strobe lights, flashing, fire, &c) and I had to go searching for it. And there are no signs for the run time information so you have to find an usher to ask.
Also, programmes are £6. And they aren’t even giant souvenir-edition ones! Just for the regular small programme. PASS (over).
