Translations at the National Theatre: Harrowing Tale of Ireland & Englandby Randi / December 17, 2019It’s Theatre Thursday! Today’s show is Sleepless, the musical based on the movie “Sleepless in Seattle”, which ran in London this past weekend for three performances, for hilarious reasons, and will reappear in March.
Okay, first of all, I know that you (I’m assuming the entire creative team reads this site) have spent almost a decade trying to fix this show and make it happen. You’ve worked really hard and even scrapped the original composers for a new team and new score, so bravo for really trying everything to make Sleepless a success. But it’s not quite there yet. Sure, I am absolutely thrilled (and shocked) to say that it was not a terrible evening of theatre, and was in fact mostly enjoyable and often quite moving. But there’s still some work to do so it can be a great show, and not just a show that people go into saying “okay, if it’s bad, I hope it’s really bad.” Since you proved it’s not one of those shows (the people who want that can go see the Cats movie), it needs a few alterations.
Second of all, I must say that as a lawyer (#surprise), I completely adore the reason why I was able to see this sneak preview premiere of Sleepless last weekend: because of legal technicalities. The show is opening for real in the London in March, but there were three (3) surprise performances this past weekend at the Troubadour Theatre Wembley Park. Why on earth were there 3 performances 3 months before the official run? Because contractual obligations demanded that the show premiere before the end of 2019 or they would lose the rights (so I was told). This is my favorite detail.
So maybe you were rushing, maybe you know that some of the below must happen in order for this show to be better than not bad. But just in case, since you have 3 months, I’ll share what needs to be done. And obviously this is all going to be critical, but as you know (since you read the site), nothing describes my modus operandi more than the basketball coach in Love & Basketball: you think I’d go hoarse for a player with no potential?
ALSO, I must commend you for the changes you made from the movie to the stage. Adaptations cannot be carbon copies, otherwise you get a Pretty Woman fiasco. I was genuinely impressed with the decisions you made to make this a worthy separate version of the story.
Without further ado:
THE BAD
- You need a new score.
I know, I know, you’ve been trying for yeeeears to nail the score and you thought you finally had it. You don’t. It’s a fine score, and some of it can stay (e.g. the baseball song, contrary to what Falsettos would have taught us, is solid), but it’s unmemorable and too lackluster to capture the magic and romance you should be going for. And it’s not fun. Too much of it fell into the Songs As Described By Buddy The Elf conundrum (“it’s just like talking but louder and longer and you move your voice up and down”).
And while I love Sondheim just as much as the next Person with Taste, your lyricist seemed too focused on making internal rhymes than capturing the meaning of songs. And the end rhymes are still haunting me: Brando with thunder? Calling it Washington Seattle to rhyme with battle? Eek and oh no.
- Annie needs an early solo.
The lead character we’re supposed to think is the greatest woman left on earth doesn’t have a solo number until the Act 1 closer. What is this, Amelie? She needs to introduce herself so we care about her and believe that she’s the best woman on earth or at least a good choice for Sam. (Also that song, the Act 1 closer, is three different songs in one and only the second part was great. Work on expanding that second melody.) Even her MOTHER gets an early (plodding) song? Cut it or make it a duet! WALTER gets the second song in the show? Make it a true duet so we get more of both characters and not just lists of his allergies.
In general, Annie needs more development. There were hints at having considered her whole ‘talking too fast and jibbering nonsense’ thing as character development, and honestly it would work, but it’s too infrequent to seem on purpose or part of her character and not just a thing she happens to do twice. Who is she and why do we like her? We never really can say.
- The Rosie role is a shanda.
Why is this bubbly young woman’s best friend this old and dowdy lady? It should be a contemporary of hers. Why are you making this performer look like her grandmother? In that frumpy costuming? I’m honestly offended on Rosie’s behalf. Becky’s big song where she writes and sends Annie’s letter is a heaving pile of clichés and random phrases (with of course lots of internal rhymes). And while she does later clarify that she just ‘edited’ Annie’s words, this song is clearly her typing the letter herself, which is a bad change from the movie. Annie needs to write her own letter. Her friend can send it, but Annie needs to have that power.
- Cut, by god immediately cut, the ridiculous “Let’s Get Physical” ‘joke’.
In Act 2, Annie flies to Seattle to try to find Sam, and she calls her friend Becky to check in. Becky comes onstage holding hand weights and out of breath, as “Let’s Get Physical” blasts on the speakers. Is the joke that she was exercising and she is struggling? Because fat? Did you have to pay for the rights to use that song for 4 seconds? Did more than one misogynistic fat-shaming ha-wite man think this was a good idea? It is not.
- Rewrite the chorus to the ‘desperate women’ song.
It’s not my favorite, but I understand that desire to have a song showing that Sam is receiving endless letters from desperate women who heard him on the radio. Fine. But it was not funny, and it should be funny. It’s fine to have them sing their individual desperate letters but the ‘running out of time’ and ‘my eggs are dying’ lyrics in the chorus are so cringey, as was the unnecessary boob-grabbing. Actually that third woman’s whole thing seemed icky.
- Rethink the hairdos.
Annie has shoulder-length bouncy blonde hair…as does the woman playing Victoria??…as does Dr Marsha Fieldstone??…as do at least two other ensemble members? (Every woman is blonde in this.)This theatre is a g-d barn, and even from my great seat they all looked exactly the same. That’s bad.
- Stop repeating the chorus from the opening number like it’s a life-altering motif.
I get that it’s your big theme, but it’s not a special enough lyric or melody, and even if it was special, nothing is strong enough to withstand repeating it a dozen times.
- Cut down the traffic.
I mean this for both on and off stage. It’s an enormous theatre and stage, and honestly, it should be an intimate show. They used projections but no sets. Sets would help, but even if you keep the staging how it is, the amount of stage used can be cut. There were so many moments of just watching people walk in silence across the stage and I was like, what. Bring the wings in closer or something.
Also, I have never seen so much traffic in the audience. Since it’ll be in the same theatre in March, tell the house staff not to reseat people who get up to get drinks every 10 minutes until proper points. It was honestly ridiculous. It contributes to an informal atmosphere where people think it’s cool to talk to their friends the whole time. Actually, people involved with the production were sitting in front of me, and they were talking way too much too. Really pissed me off. I kept imagining what would happen if I said “hey can you please stop talking so much?” They would turn around and the brunette would say, “um, we’re with the show”, to which I would quote Chidi and say “but that’s worse…you see how that’s worse, right?”
- Cut the line about British people sounding smarter even when they’re vomiting.
Ugh.
- Cut the line that ruined an otherwise great ending.
I like that you knew people wanted the ending to be as close to the movie as possible, and it delivered. It was very well done, although there should be a song somewhere (maybe before the three characters meet at the top of the ESB, with Jonah singing his way there and Sam singing his way there and Annie singing her way there and they all overlap slowly and then go full Les Mis that would be awesome). But the last-second joke about playing tennis? Nnnnnnnno.
THE NEUTRAL
I don’t understand why the time period is the same as the movie – it adds nothing, and the weird book scene about computers vs. typewriters is pointless. It wouldn’t change it too much to modernize the setting. But I guess it doesn’t hurt to keep it. It’s just whatever.
THE GOOD
- I may not have loved the opening song, but that opening scene immediately made me cry?? Wtf. It was really well done and just subtle enough. Honestly, every scene with Sam and Jonah was nearly perfect and captured real emotion. Both actors were great, so kudos for finding a non-annoying child actor. I really enjoyed Michael D. Xavier’s Sam, and I’m glad he gets to show off his voice. Kimberly Walsh is good too but deserves the same chance to really show off with a more defined character.
- I LOVE love the decision to add the new composite character of Sam’s friend babysitting Jonah all the time instead of having the Jessica role (and the Victor Garber role?). No one could capture what Gabby Hoffman did, and you don’t want to deal with more kids, so it’s a great decision. Their rapport was fun and necessary comic relief. An excellent change.
- I honestly don’t understand it, but the best acting moment in the entire show came from Sam’s sister and brother-in-law, who had…two lines. Give them more? Bring the rest of the book up to that level?
This show was a lot of fun and it could be great. I’m really impressed by the decisions made in what to keep from the movie and what to change, so I have hope that more great decisions will be made. Call me if you need me but ya know don’t call me but call me if you need me.
INFORMATION
Troubadour Theatre Wembley Park is out in, you guessed it, Wembley Park. It’s right near a location of the BoxPark food hall so that’s fun.
This theatre, man alive, has THE BEST BATHROOMS I’ve ever seen in a theatre. Like stadium style (endless rows! I think at least 40 stalls?) but with nice décor and sinks so it doesn’t look like a stadium. NO LINES. Also, the bar had several pitchers of water that they ALWAYS kept full. Please make the West End learn from them.
With a 7:45pm start time, Act 1 ended at 20:48, and the second act was just under an hour. Perfect length.
There was a good dog in the lobby. I pet him.
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“An American in Paris” Finally Classes Up London’s West End
I knowww, I can’t believe it has taken me this long to see “An American in Paris” either! It came out on Broadway right when I moved across ye olde Atlantic, and it kept just coming short of nabbing a slot on my ever-shrinking Broadway to-do list because a) I figured it would last a long time, unlike other shows that took short-NYC-visit precedence and b) there were rumors of a London production. Luckily that London production has finally arrived, and with better news than I could have hoped – with the two original amazing stars, Robert Fairchild and Leanne Cope! I know! It’s as beautiful a production as I expected, and Robbie (can I call him that okay great) and Leanne are as wonderful as I imagined. There are some sluggish and/or unnecessary parts that scream for editing, but overall it’s a truly splendid time. Also I’m obviously joking in the headline. I mean not 100% but mostly.
Based on the 1951 Oscar-winning Gene Kelly film that – gasp – I don’t think I’ve ever seen omg gasp, “An American in Paris” (AAIP) (my fingers really want to type AARP) tells the story of an American soldier named Jerry who is sooooo charming (F-O-X) who decides to stay in immediately-post-war Paris and ‘work on his art’, otherwise known as try to find the mysterious, beautiful girl he saw just randomly in the streets of Paris and obvs fell in love with instantly as happens in all the classic love stories. We meet an interesting array of white people who all have dreams and goals and desires and they sing along to Gershwin songs that kind of sort of relate to those desires but unlike other jukebox musicals the disconnect between story and old popular song is not as offensive as it usually is (cough ‘Mamma Mia’). Maybe it’s because the Gershwin force-around was a part of the original movie, so you can’t blame the stage version for juking. And importantly, a lot of the ballet is danced to purely orchestral pieces (like ‘An American in Paris’) and stuff, so it’s not like the most dramatic dance of the show is to ‘I Got Rhythm’ or something dreadful like that.
Before talking more in depth about the show, I feel the need to point out YET AGAIN that despite all the millions of dollars available to pay for original art, the main promotional art for “La La Land” was, shall we say, quite similar to the preexisting Broadway show art for AAIP, which thankfully they are still using because it is so beautiful.
The show begins with David Seadon-Young, who plays supporting male character Adam, sitting at a piano on an otherwise empty stage and telling us that oh boy does he have a story for us, or something like that, and isn’t war terrible but ain’t love grand. I don’t remember because I was immediately stunned by a little bit of stage magic – a huge tarp-like French flag is lifted up by ensemblists and brought down a second later to reveal an empty stage –they vanished the piano! I’m sure that’s a simple trapdoor kind of thing under the stage or something but I literally gasped and everyone laughed at me probably but it was the best day.
The story starts in Paris as American GIs are saying goodbye to their French loves and French soldiers are coming home (or not) to their anguished families, all amid a lovely tableau of ballet-dancing French civilians. We see our tiny leading lady Lise (Leanne Cope), dark and mysterious (while still being properly English pale), help a Nazi lady out of a pickle (was being attacked by some civilians) and you’re like oh I guess we’re supposed to think Lise is a lovely kind person…because…she’s…helping…a nazi….This action does turn out to say an awful lot about how kind she is indeed, in a way that I guess her helping an innocent child who fell or something wouldn’t, but still, no one gets points for helping Nazis. Well, unless the points are from Jerry, who sees this encounter and is like wow that beautiful little paledark flutterbug is so selfless, I MUST HAVE HER.
The crowds ebb and flow and Jerry loses sight of his new love interest. Jerry (or as Lise will say, “Zherreeeee” and it sounds like ‘cherie’ which just a nice little play on it get it because she love him) wanders into a bar and meets Adam (wounded veteran, maybe he knew him before I don’t remember) and Henri (rich French guy, played by Haydn Oakley) and is like hay let’s be bros also I need a place to live and a job and they’re like great stay and work here, new best friend. Things are great in musicals. Adam is a composer and pianist, while Henri works in his parents’ business but hides his secret life as a song-and-dance man (not a singer or dancer; a song-and-dance man) from them as they are serious people who would seriously disapprove. Henri also has a girlfriend and the boys are like you should totes propose to her! Oh silly boys, you have no idea.
Meanwhile, Lise auditions for the Paris ballet, for which Adam is the pianist, and he falls in love with her because she treats him like a human being despite his slight limp. Then the guys realize that Lise is the woman Henri is planning to marry, and of course we know Jerry is in love with her too so early on you’re thinking of Heath Ledger in “Ten Things I Hate About You” asking in his special way why everyone’s obsessed with Alex Mack. Lise is a beautiful dancer, and she makes the company now that it’s benefiting from a new wave of money from American philanthropist Milo Davenport (Zoe Rainey). Milo is one of those brash and assertive women who are annoying for really no better reason than that they’re confident. Milo sees Jerry and is like “I like!” but pretends she likes his art and gets him hired as the ballet’s chief, um, art maker. This lets him spend more time with Lise, but then when it’s revealed that she’s Henri’s pretty much fiancée, Jerry starts sort of dating Milo/letting her buy him things and you’re like ahhh figure your shit out your shit is a mess, characters! Milo is a thankless role, really, because she’s rich and loud and wears bright colors and isn’t the one Jerry’s supposed to be with so you hate her but I bet the story from her perspective would be amazing but we aren’t here for her so shut it. Zoe Rainey does a decent enough job, but it’s hard to make the character more than two-dimensional, or make her likeable, so Milo stays the former and isn’t the latter.
Despite all the unwanted relaysh drama in the book, the show really is a series of interactions between Lise and Zherreeeee, where they dance by the river and it’s s’wonderful. Leanne Cope was a principal in the Royal Ballet, and Robbie in the NYC Ballet, so they are two of the best in the world. Even though the show was generally well constructed and there are some gorgeous extended ballet sequences, I wanted the show to be 100x more them doing ballet, I don’t care if it would have been too much for some. It’s GORGEOUS. (And don’t just tell me to go see a ballet because I did that recently and it was soo boring and ACTUALLY, there still wasn’t enough dancing! Mostly people were standing and doing the presentation wave and lookie here moves with their arms. Also the story was creepy af I mean an army of teenage ghost brides who capture living men in the woods what the actual sexist nonsense.) When they dance together, it says more about what they are feeling and what we’re supposed to be feeling than any dialogue could (or does). It’s magical and it almost excuses the weak parts of the show. You see that despite Zherry’s dalliance with Milo and despite Lise’s expected engagement, they love each other and are supposed to end up together. Although they clearly know that, they are both conflicted by their feelings of obligation to their respective others, Zherry in terms of financial support/sugarmama and his entry into the legitimate Parisian art world, and Lise, we learn, because Henri’s family saved her from the Nazis. You can’t walk out on someone who hid your little Jewish behind from the Nazis!
My favorite scene, I think, is their adorable dance to the song “Liza”, when Jerry tells Lise he’s going to call her Liza when they have their secret meetings by the Seine, so they can pretend to be other people without all the baggage they’re lugging and enjoy carefree moments in each other’s company without worrying about what in means outside their love bubble and also so they could shoehorn some storyline around this particular Gershwin song. I don’t mind the Mamma Mia-ing here, because their dance is so playful and lovely. Jerry moves Lise around their park bench in a mischievous manner, carrying and tossing and lifting her this way and that as she reluctantly-at-first-but-then-wholeheartedly joins in the fun. Robbie really shows off here that he is the reincarnation of Gene Kelly, because not only is he the world’s best dancer, but he can sing too. And to sing well while dancing like that? and lifting a human? And being sooo charming? He is amazing. I’m still glad Michael Cerveris won the Tony for “Fun Home” but can we just throw all kinds of other awards at Robbie so he never leaves musical theatre? Like a Pulitzer or a Nobel or something I don’t care just make sure he stays.
Oh no my real favorite scene is when Jerry gets Lise fired (ish) from her job at the Galeries Lafayette, where I bought two of my favorite shirts that I never wear. He pesters her while she’s working as a salesgirl so obviously she’s the one that gets blamed for the ruckus he causes but it’s okay because of the aforementioned charm. I forget what song it is to because jukebox musical so it doesn’t really matter for the plot and they and all the shoppers do this incredible dance with colorful umbrellas and Jerry glides around the jewelry counters and you’re just like this guy is Gene Kelly hot damn. It’s impossible not to smile like a fool like a FOOL.
Aside from some of the song shoehorning, the weak spots come from giving supporting characters too much to do. It doesn’t really add anything to the story to give Milo her own songs. The purpose of that in any other show would be to flesh out her character and explain her actions, but since this is a jukebox show, and the songs were not written for this character, they don’t do anything for her, so it’s just kind of a waste of time. Same for Adam, who is a beloved character because he’s so nice and is another secret (not so secret?) Jew, but he still could have been edited a bit. Having so much of him being sad starts to give off that icky vibe that oh maybe we are supposed to be rooting for him instead because ‘he’s so nice’ and then you have the whole ‘nice guy’s entitlement’ problem creeping in that shouldn’t in any way be connected to this decent character because we will start to turn on him and no one wants that. That’s a very minor quibble though, because I do like Adam a lot. Most egregiously, though, is what they do with Henri. Haydn is a great actor, and it’s great for him to show off in a big showstopping musical number…but not in this show. His big long dream sequence “I’ll Build a Stairway To Paradise” is by far the most expensive-looking scene in the show, with shiny sets and sparkly showgirl costumes. And it is one of the longest songs (at least it seems it), yet it does nothing for the plot. I still cannot believe it didn’t get cut in previews on Broadway or really previews at the Chatelet in Paris, their pre-Broadway tryout (I love that they did it there). Every Broadway producer says that the rigorous vetting process for each and every musical number ensures that songs that are included in final versions advance the plot, or are necessary for character development. I can’t think of one good reason for this number to still be in the show, except that the casts always have a strong male non-Jerry singer they want to show off. That’s not a good reason.
Luckily, that ridiculousness (sorry Haydn you did a good job at it though) is followed by the most exquisite extended ballet, and one of the best dance scenes I’ve seen (up there with Sutton’s “Anything Goes”). Lise, in her big debut, is dancing and only gets through her performance by imagining Zherry up there with her. They do this surealist-art inspired ballet that from the costumes to the set to the sometimes-jerky-but-still-beautiful-movement looks like a Miro painting. It’s exquisite and weird and you never want it to end. To have this big dramatic moment expressed only through movement (this is the part that uses the AAIP music with that da da da, da da da da da daaaaaa you get it) is something very special and rare to see in musical theatre. I would totally second-act this show every week if that were a thing respectable people could do just to keep watching that scene.
Robbie and Leanne are so perfect together, I can’t imagine anyone else up there (despite the fact that Robbie has an alternate for one show per week, who I’m sure is wonderful, but man alive). They truly are finds, especially Robbie who really is the reincarnation of Gene Kelly. I hope more musicals that feature ballet get made so he and Leanne stay in the theatre for a long time. It was just announced that Robbie is going to be in a concert version of “Brigadoon” in November with two of my all-times, Kelli O’Hara and Steven Pasquale (erma erma erma) (I must go), but I don’t think it’s a very balletic show or role; I hope I’m wrong. I know his character is part of a big dance but like with swords? I think he also dies, spoiler. Anyway, I’m off track as per uzh. AAIP was so beautiful and is really just a great time. If you are in London, you must see it.
THEATRE
The programs are gorgeous (again, see above), but they only sell the large souvenir-style ones that are twice as expensive as the normal ones. They are really big and won’t fit in any bag allowed inside a theatre. :/ But they are cool. But so expensive. but cool.
It’s a really big theatre and seems a lot more modern in terms of facilities than most West End theatres. Like normal sized humans can fit in the seats. As usual there aren’t enough ladies toilets but what can you do besides oh yeah build more.
OH someone front row center was filming so at intermission I told the house manager and like every usher and pointed out the offender. They told her to stop filming. Like, come on people, where is your sense of JUSTICE? KICK. FILMERS. OUT. ON. THEIR. NO. GOOD. BUTTS. I feel like my entire bucket list now is just to see a theatre have the balls to deal with offenders properly, i.e. kicking them out. THAT’S ALL I WANT. that’s not all i want.
STAGE DOOR
They all came out and were super friendly wheeee!!!
Emmy Awards 2018: What You Need to Know Before this Garbage
Like most everything in our world right now, the Emmy Awards are trash. I don’t know what the voters have been smoking, probably weed with Elon since they are also mostly rich white men who can get away with it, but their annual nonsense is upon us again. The problem with the Emmys is that voters take too long to catch up to what is actually good, and when they do, it’s too late and the thing is no longer the best but they’re too lazy and proud of themselves to change their voting habits for another four years. They get stuck in ruts, they have old-fashioned taste, and most of all they don’t actually watch everything so they JUST DON’T KNOW. Honestly make me an Emmy voter, I know what’s up, and I’m going to share with you what should be winning this worthless award that I care so much about on Monday night.
First of all, putting the nominees aside, let’s talk about the trashiness of this year’s actual ceremony. Wait there are two aspects of trash (trashspects?) about the ceremony! First of this first of all, the hosts are two regular old straight guys. Yep, in a world where Amy Poehler and Tina Fey are still alive and working and I bet happy to join forces and demolish all memory of prior award show hosting, this year’s Emmys – this year, the year of MeToo – is going with two bros. BRO, WTF? What about all the amazing female comedians in the game right now that need exposure more than the hosts of Weekend Update do? What about someone like Tiffany Haddish, who has a movie coming out right now? What about any of the women from Ghostbusters? What about any of the women Louis CK yackled in front of instead of yet another couple of dudes with viewpoints that are questionable at best and downright disgusting (like defending aforementioned yackler Louis CK) in truth? YAWN SLASH RAGE.
Second of the first of all, these forking awards are on a MONDAY this year, instead of a Sunday. To quote one of the most snubbed should-be-nominees on our list, WHAT….MAN….DID THIS. Sunday is award show day. Sunday is the day you can spend sleeping in to prepare yourself for the excitement and the stress, making theme foods (my initial plan was: (veggie) shrampies with white chocolate sauce, clam chowder, frozen yogurt (can you tell what show I’m going to be talking about the most yet?)), and getting your tweeting fingers ready. More importantly, Sunday is the day I could have watched this forking show! Readers probably know I live in London, but I’m writing this from the USA. When I booked this visit, I was looking at dates and remembered thinking, ‘oh that weekend is the Emmys! I’ll fly back to London Monday night then so I can watch them on Sunday night with my family! What an auspicious turn of events! I get to watch live for the first time in years instead of cobbling together shitty youtube videos that random people took of their own TVs!’ But NOOOOOOPE. Now instead of getting to live tweet I’m going to have to stick to day-after tweeting, which NO ONE cares about but I’m STILL going to do OBVIOUSLY because my takes are hot.
The show I’m going to be talking most about
Speaking of schedule changes that I did not approve of, the Creative Arts Emmys, which are usually the Saturday night before the Sunday telecast, were LAST WEEK. You’re killing me Smalls!! As you may know, the Creative Arts Emmys are the ones that most of the public don’t care about, sadly: the technical awards (lighting, cinematography, makeup, editing, sound), the reality TV ones (RuPaul all day), and artsy ones (choreography, music), and whatever else isn’t Best Comedy, Drama, Actor, and Actress, pretty much. There are two things I want to complain heavily about from the Creatives, and it’s not about who won – it’s about who wasn’t nominated. (That’s what all of this is really going to be about, naturally.)
First: The most infuriating abomination of a category this year is Outstanding Original Music and Lyrics, which means Best Song. And not to belittle any of the nominees, but they’re bullshit compared to literally any song from ‘Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’, the CW’s musical dramedy about mental illness. It is one of the greatest shows ever to exist, and 80% of that is because of the songs. Each episode has 2-3 original songs that brilliantly evoke musical theatre standards, pop genres, and/or famous bands. The songs are written by Adam Schlesinger, who you may know either as the guy from Fountains of Wayne or as the guy who wrote the one-hit-wonder’s hit song from ‘That Thing You Do!’ If you have any doubt in my opinion that his Crazy Ex songs should be the pictures next to the dictionary definition of Emmy-winning songs if audio could be captured as pictures, then just think for a second about how movie producers were like ‘hey we are making a movie that ENTIRELY REVOLVES around a song being so great that it catapults all the action forward and we need you to just like, go write that song and have it all be believable’ AND HE DID.
Here are the nominees:
- (WINNER) SNL: “Come Back Barack” – a very funny song and great moment on the show but not better than the actual best topical song of the year, “Let’s Generalize About Men“. I dare you to watch this and not squeal with glee at every moment.
- Big Mouth: “Am I Gay?” Again, fun song on an absolutely incredible show, but not better than the HILARIOUS and perfect ABBA-inspired “The First Penis I Saw“!
- A Christmas Story Live: “In the Market for a Miracle” Haven’t Pasek & Paul won enough in literally like a 15 month span?? CHILL BOYS. Also, if we’re talking Christmas miracles, what about “Maybe She’s Not Such a Heinous Bitch After All”?? I mean hello, talk about perfectly capturing an era of music.
- The Good Fight: “High Crimes and Misdemeanors” I’m not even going to talk about how RUDE it is to nominate a song from the drama about lawyers and not the MUSICAL COMEDY about lawyers, but I’ll say what about the Fosse-inspired “Strip Away My Conscience”?? I mean, you wanna talk clever writing, talk about what they rhymed with ‘luridness’ and still got approval from the censors. Man alive.
- Steve Martin & Martin Short’s special: “The Buddy Song” JFC. I love these guys so much but puh lease. How about the Gene Kelly-evoking “Head in the Clouds”? This song is considered one of the WEAKEST of the season and listen to how great it is.
- If You’re Not in the Obit, Eat Breakfast: “Just Getting Started” I don’t know what this documentary?? is, but how about the amazing song “End of the Movie”? They actually got JOSH GROBAN to sing a song! And it was incredible! Man alive if this category were a table full of glasses I would knock it over.
Also, I was a little sad that Kelli O’Hara, my queen, lost for Actress in a Web Series (even though I didn’t watch it, she wasn’t singing right?), as did her co-nominee Megan Amram, who is becoming another one of my queens for her work on my favorite show (The Good Place). But they lost to Christina Pickles! Who is amazing! I’m just going to pretend she won for her work as Judy Gellar, especially when she tells Monica and Ross that “that was a lot of information to receive in 30 seconds” and then tells Rachel “no, you weren’t supposed to put beef in the trifle.” So we’re okay. Kelli’s going to win the Olivier this year though, right??
Let’s get to tonight’s nominees already.
OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES
- Atlanta (FX)
- Barry (HBO)
- Black-ish (ABC)
- Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO)
- GLOW (Netflix)
- The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (Amazon)
- Silicon Valley (HBO)
- Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Netflix)
EIGHT? FORKING EIGHT NOMINEES and they still don’t get it right??? Ughhhhh. I haven’t finished ‘Atlanta’ so I can’t comment. I know it is genius but from what I’ve seen it is a drama. ‘Barry’ was great but was also FORKING HARROWING and made me terrified and anxious more than it made me laugh. And that ending?? And it’s a comedy? Fuck no! But it is great. GLOW I really like but it’s not best of the year! A few of the episodes this season were stellar but it took a while to get going. This is one of the shows that got really lucky with voters deciding to adopt it as one of its faves and nominating it across categories at every event even though it’s not the best. Maisel is the one show on this list that is actually outstanding, perfect in almost every way (the almost courtesy of the Jane Lynch storyline) and deserves to win. It is THE BEST. Maisel is absolutely pitch perfect from the writing to the music to the performances. And it has Tony Shalhoub! SHALHOUB! ‘Silicon Valley’ is an example of the voters’ rut they like to get stuck in, and more than that they should have gotten a year off after the TJ Miller bullshit. Now, as for our pal Kimmy. You know I am a long-term Kimmy Schmidt apologist. Despite its pitfalls, its had some of the funniest lines, and it introduced classic characters to us, mainly Kimmy and the unmatched Titus. I’ve even tried to excuse the Jane Krakowski storylines because of her incredible quips. But this season was NOT. GOOD. I honestly can’t believe it got nominated. Aside from the one part where a guy introduced himself to Kimmy and said “Hi I’m whatever” and she responded “Not me, I’m Kimmy”, nothing was really great about it. Give Titus and the writers a backdated Emmy for his viral interview scene in season 1, and get rid of this nonsense.
Now what should be up there? ‘Maisel’ should be fighting neck and neck with the most brilliant, hilarious, and surprisingly sincere comedy in existence, “The Good Place”. I honestly cannot get over how wonderful this show is. Every inch of the writing, the production (those special effects, my god), and the acting is across the board magnificent. It has an extremely clever premise that keeps getting twisted and turned onto itself, with storylines you just seem to get a handle on blowing up with equal chance of im- or exploding. And they’ve made a generation of tv-watchers interested in moral philosophy and being better people. It’s also beloved by critics. I love this show so much. Its absence is kind of hilarious, proving yet again that awards mean nothing.
Also, ‘Crazy Ex Girlfriend’ should be on this list. Its latest season was riveting, dark, and risky. They took chances that no other show would take, and kept a story, one that could have gone out of control, together with a steady hand.
And what about ‘Brooklyn 99’, after how much it was in the news after being cancelled (and picked up again)?? We love that damn show! I mean even my beloved ‘Jane the Virgin’ is better than some of the stuff on this list. And ‘Big Mouth’ in its debut season was flawless! Where is that? Ugh Emmy voters. Also, enough with these expanded categories. It’s clearly not helping to refuse to narrow it down, so keep it to 5. I hate treating this like participation trophies. When the best of the year aren’t competing, the winner isn’t really going to be the best, is it. When Federer or Serena decline to play in a slam it’s not like the eventual winner is the best if they didn’t play the best.
OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES
- The Americans (FX)
- The Crown (Netflix)
- Game of Thrones (HBO)
- The Handmaid’s Tale (Hulu)
- Stranger Things (Netflix)
- This Is Us (NBC)
- Westworld (HBO)
Ugh miss me with these extra long nominee lists, guys. It’s such nonsense. Nominations are supposed to mean something, not just be a slapdash list of all the shows an old man could remember at that given moment.
I’m so tired, like sooo tired, of ‘Game of Thrones’. Is it really still on? Still treating women like objects and what not? Hates it. I did love this season of ‘Stranger Things’, but not in like an ’emmy-winning’ way. They’re all FINE, I guess, but if anything but ‘The Americans’, in its perfect final season’, sweeps tonight, it’ll be wrong. ‘The Americans’ played the long game over 6 seasons, drawing subtle, nuanced storylines with outstanding performances and writing that came together in its depressing, unavoidable, great ending. It should absolutely win.
PERFORMANCES
I don’t have time to go into every category of acting nominees; I got a plane to catch. But I’ll say a few things. Ted Danson MUST win for TGP. He is American’s national treasure for a reason. If you thought his laugh in Season 1 episode 13 was iconic, wait till you see his relieved “Oh you guys!” from this season. I could cry just thinking about that and about when he solved the trolley problem. Tell me any of the other nominees deserve to win. I’ll wait. And then I’ll tell you why you’re wrong.
I don’t have time to go into every category of acting nominees; I got a plane to catch. But I’ll say a few things. Ted Danson MUST win for TGP. He is American’s national treasure for a reason. If you thought his laugh in Season 1 episode 13 was iconic, wait till you see his relieved “Oh you guys!” from this season. I could cry just thinking about that and about when he solved the trolley problem. Tell me any of the other nominees deserve to win. I’ll wait. And then I’ll tell you why you’re wrong.
As for lead actress in a comedy, it doesn’t even really matter. Rachel Brosnahan on ‘Maisel’ is the clear best option, and even if a properly done category should probably win. But all her competitors should be different. This hundo p should have been Rachel for ‘Maisel’, Kristen Bell for ‘The Good Place’ (absolute BRILLIANCE), Rachel Bloom for ‘Crazy Ex Girlfriend’ (if you aren’t jumping up and down in agreement, you haven’t watched her), Tracee Ellis Ross for ‘black-ish’ I guess, and Gina Rodriguez for ‘Jane the Virgin’. No matter what you think about that show, how telenovela it is (ps it’s a telenovela), Gina is sensational. And yeah, that’s five. FIVE NOMINEES PEOPLE. IN EVERY AWARD SHOW, IN EVERY CATEGORY. DO IT.
As for lead actors in drama, if anyone but Philip and Elizabeth, our beloved Russian spies, win, it’s wrong. WRONG.
What else is wrong?
Supporting actress, comedy: How D’Arcy Carden wasn’t nominated for ‘The Good Place’, I’ll never know. She’s a critical darling, like everything about that show, and created an entire KIND Of character. I also would have voted in Donna Lee Champlin for ‘Crazy Ex’. She’s remarkable. I don’t even want to talk about how many people are in this category (too many) and how many make no sense. But lets please give it to Alex Borstein for being incredible on ‘Maisel’.
Supporting actor, drama: Does a category that doesn’t include Noah Emmerich in ‘The Americans’ even count? No, no it doesn’t. Stanny Beems will always have a place in viewers’ hearts, and no one else on this list can come close to what he did.
Ok I am going to stop ranting about awards that DO NOT MATTER and finish taking this out of my suitcase (it’s too heavy (as always)). Watch tonight and let me know your thoughts in the comments; I’ll be on a plane so keep me informed. And if you haven’t watched the shows on this list that I’ve said are amazing, what are you waiting for???
