The Autumn of Dave Malloy Continues with London’s Ghost Quartetby Randi / December 5, 2019Musical theatre composers always say the test for what songs make the final score is rigorous and specific: They have to serve the story. The story comes first and the music needs to help tell it, whether by driving plot or developing characters. If the best song you’ve ever written doesn’t serve a purpose in the story, or just doesn’t fit the rest of the show, it needs to be cut. (That’s how we got the Hamilton Mixtape.) (Also how we got the incredible song “Come Down From That Tree” which we only know from Audra McDonald’s own recording of it because they wisely cut it from Once on this Island because it didn’t fit, even though it is a Best Song Ever.) I feel like most new musicals forget this test. Despite having so many productions in so many cities over the past four years, the London production of Amelie is full, packed, of songs that don’t pass the test. And the ones that do serve a purpose don’t fit the rest of the show, as the inconsistent tone only becomes more and more chaotic as the night goes on. It’s overall a poorly constructed show (funny since the actual physical construction/set design is the strongest part) with a confused purpose.
I don’t remember much about Amelie the movie, except that of course it was beyond whimsical and is probably responsible for the onslaught of manic-pixie-dreamgirls in the culture, or at least pale brunettes whose main personality trait is ‘quirky’. (PSA: Quirky/weird is not a personality.) A lot of my criticism of the ridiculous, messy story is likely taken straight from the movie. You might argue then that my problem is with the movie writers, not the creative team of the musical. And to that I’d say, what is this, Pretty Woman? Your job in adapting a film for the stage is not to copy and paste, failing to fix what needs to be fixed in order to work onstage. Whether this jumbled story worked in the film is completely irrelevant for stage purposes. They may have nailed the proper whimsical, eccentric tone in the movie, but trying the same things to achieve the same things in a different medium is bonkers and has resulted in an almost incoherent musical, with no discernible tone, objective, meaning, or intention.
With music by Daniel Messe (who wrote the music for the movie…and that score is excellent…so like…ah) and Nathan Tysen, and a book by Craig Lucas (who wrote one of my faves The Light in the Piazza which is also about a young girl who is, shall we say, not entirely there (so we were like…is that the only character he likes to write about because that’s problematic)), Amelie tells of a young French girl who lives through her imagination after a childhood of seclusion because her parents forking sucked. (Her mom gets killed by a man who jumps off Notre Dame, but he ALSO FIRST SHOOTS HIMSELF? Why? To make sure? What an asshole.) She decides to do a nice thing that makes someone else happy, so then she decides to do more nice things for other people and try to break out of her shell and maybe one day live in the real world. It sounds adorable! Except the things she does FORKING SUCK. Amelie the character is GODDAMN ASSHOLE. Is she supposed to be adorable? Is the whimsy supposed to make up for her assholiness? To quote Chidi-Janet: It does not. Makes it way worse.
The good deeds Amelie does include: finding a box under her floorboards and deciding to find its owner, which she does remarkably easily. To mark this occasion and her decision to do more good things, she…no, she doesn’t sing a song, her neighbor does, about being the old French man version of Samuel L. Jackson’s Mr Glass character.
Then, in the café where she works, there’s a really terrifying man stalking one of her coworkers because they went on a date a year ago. Instead of calling the police and filing for a restraining order, and maybe alerting the French version of the FBI that this is for sure a future incel/supremacist who is going to murder women, Amelie…sets him up with her other friend. For this there is no excuse.
Then there’s the mean old grocer who is mean to the boy who works for him because he…loves figs? This kid gets a little song about figs. Amelie doesn’t get a solo in the entirety of Act I. In Act II, she feeds the old man fig tart and it somehow makes him nice. I don’t know.
At some point, she bumps into a man named Nino, who spends his time going through public photo booths, like the kind where you get a strip of 4 photos in black and white. He collects the discarded ones; it’s his art. It’s love at first sight and Amelie sings about how striking this unexpected feeling is…no, Nino sings a song about the photo booth light. One day he loses his collection of photos, and Amelie finds it. Instead of returning it to him, she plays infuriating games with him and keeps his prized possession from him for literally weeks, but I guess he finds that adorable. I was fuming. Give people their shit back. One of the games she plays includes…going to the sex shop where he works, disguising herself as a nun, and then running away scared when she realizes he’s going to come out and see her?? WHAT DID SHE THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN? What is this white nonsense.
Amid all of this is a weird and tacky obsession with the death of Princess Diana. It’s in poor taste. I get that that’s a big thing in the movie but man alive it felt gross. Amelie imagines a big mega funeral for herself, with Elton John performing…and Act I ends with a HUGE rocking Elton John number that again, did not fit the show AT ALL.
I’m going to repeat that Elton John gets a big Act I number but in a musical named after her, Amelie does not have a solo in the entirety of the first act (except for a mini reprise). She doesn’t even seem like the main character at any point. The tone of the show is inconsistent and even contradictory, just all over the place, with big ridiculous silly numbers performed by giant garden gnomes and Elton Johns along with offbeat, artsy introspective songs. I guess with the contrast of styles they wanted to capture some whimsy? But it just feels like nonsense. There’s no magic. There’s one or two great songs in Act II, one with Amelie at the piano, that shows how good this show could have been with more work, and more editing. Or any editing.
Fortunately, along with the wonderful set design, the cast is doing a great job trying to keep this material afloat. Audrey Brisson’s Amelie looks exactly right and gives a great performance. The show takes a memo from the John Doyle playbook and has the actors doubling as the orchestra, which is impressive, and everyone is pretty uniformly good to great. With the solid cast and design, the production is definitely decent, but unlike the Guardian I can’t get past the material.
INFORMATION
Amelie is playing at The Other Palace in London until February 1.
This theatre has one of those horrible no-center-aisle situations so be sure to book seats on or near the aisles if you want to avoid being the last person out. Bathrooms are outside in the bar area but ALSO down in the secrets bowels of the building, accessed via a door directly at the bottom of the stage on the house left side. It took me several visits to learn about these secret and much better bathrooms down in the hallways between the main house and the studio that no one would usually get to explore. So now I like to sit on the house left/stage right aisle.
There is a lot of unnecessary smoking, and whatever herbal cigarettes they are using almost made me pass out. I get that ‘it’s Paris’, but you’ve shown that in myriad other ways. I dare anyone involved in theatre to defend well the use of cigarettes in a show. It’s never really necessary and instead is a health hazard to all and I don’t understand how it’s legal.
There’s also a super loud gunshot that shocked the shirt out of me. There was a small sign with all the trigger warnings on the door to the theatre but the ticket takers were blocking it when we entered, so, great work.
The first act ended at 20:43 and the show ended at 22:15. I felt every minute of it.
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The Tony Awards are Sunday! Here’s What Should Happen
It’s the mooost wonderful tiiiime of the year! It’s Tony season! Well I guess it’s been Tony season; now it’s TONY WEEKEND! How pumped are you? How are you talking about anything else? The big Federer-Nadal match is over, no one is seeing Dark Phoenix, and the world is still going to shit so there is nothing more to do but sit back, relax, and let the joy of Tony Weekend wash all over you.
Until Monday morning, when we piss and moan about all the injustice of amazing performers losing arbitrary awards to equally amazing performers and all of them getting to do the best job on the planet, so unfair.
So what will I be pissing and moaning about in particular on Monday morning? A lot of things! Mainly, that here in the UK I can’t watch it live, but also that a few of my favorite performances probably won’t be rewarded; that Scott Rudin will add to his vast collection of trophies even though he’s a big dumb bully; and that Tony voters should have to see all the nominees in order to be Tony voters (you have one job; if you don’t want it, give it to me plz).
If Tony knows what’s good for her (yes, Tony is a girl!), she’ll do her level best to keep a few of those predicted complaints from happening, but most importantly she’ll put on one hell of a show and, with James Corden’s help, demonstrate to the Emmys, the Grammys, and the Oscars most years how to do awards shows right. Mostly, as long as Tony Toni Tone sticks to the whole underworld theme of the best shows this season (Hadestown is obvs about Hades and the underworld, and The Ferryman title refers to Hades’s ferryman Charon who rows the newly dead souls across the river Styx and into the underworld. POSS CROSSOVER EVENT?), things will be good.
I’ve already rambled on about the nominations and who should have been nominated (so read that post first if you haven’t already), so this one will be purely about the actual nominees.
Let’s start with the most important, since we all know these posts tend to go on and some of you never make it to the end. Yeah I see you! We’ll do all 3 big musical categories, the biggie plus score and book. Hadestown, as I’ve been saying since last year, is the best musical by far. It’s the only solidly great one, too, but even if it had great competition I can’t see anything surpassing it in terms of quality, uniqueness, and emotional depth. Most of its magic comes from Anais Mitchell’s incredible score, like nothing we’ve heard before, especially not on Broadway, which should absolutely win as well. A lot of voters want to award the good-hearted social message of The Prom for Best Musical, and while I understand that, there should be zero doubt about voting for Hadestown for Best Score.
And although it seems the vast majority of people still don’t understand what a book of a musical is, Mitchell’s flawless structure and creative twist on classic myths to tell this old-but-new kind of story should win Best Book as well. Tootsie will, because it has the most jokes, and that’s what people usually think of in terms of book: the script and how enjoyable it is. But it also has to do with the overall story and its structure and how it is told, and Hades tops the charts for all of that. Still, as long as Hadestown wins Best Musical and Score, all will be right.
While the current, feel-good-about-being-a-good-person musical The Prom is the closest competition, everyone absolute adores Ain’t Too Proud, which I can see being the real surprise, if such a surprise as Hadestown not winning Best Musical were to happen, but that would be some real bullshirt (it losing, not ATP winning). Oh and Beetlejuice isn’t winning shit; someone tell Warner Bros. they need a new head of their theatrical division (*cough* me *cough*).
Seriously watch this and tell me I’m wrong about this music. (And about the actors who should win.)
For those of us still salty over Chavkin’s loss for Great Comet, it’s not so much a wish that she wins now to make up for that as it is a wish that her directorial genius is finally rewarded for something equally astonishing. But the race is on between her and Daniel Fish, whose Oklahoma! is a complete and relevant reimagining of the dusty classic. But that one is divisive among all crowds, Tony voters included, and since it is going to win Best Revival of a Musical (a sure thing over the ya-basic Kiss Me, Kate), perhaps they will deem Fish’s (feeshees) work recognized enough with that. I hope so because I’d be front row center with a giant foam finger that says ‘CHAVKIN’ if I could.
Now that I’ve seen Gary, I have…still not seen all of them. But I can’t imagine anything taking this from the once-in-a-decade, sweeping, epic masterpiece The Ferryman. And nothing should. The Ferryman proves that it’s not about how long shows are (3+ hours); it’s about what you do with that time. I’ve seen other shows longer than 3 hours that barely accomplished anything and some 80-minute ones that were perfect. But this one, hoo boy, it told a full-blooded epic family and historical drama in one night and it was like reading a phenomenal book, so ingenious and well done.
This is Stephanie J. Block’s for shooo but I haven’t seen The Cher Show because the one weekend I had a free theatre slot, she was on vacation and I am not seeing that show without her. Anyway, I’m sure she’s amazing and I love her and all. It’s hard for me not to root for my queen (Kelli) but she is miscast in Kate. I’m personally still gutted by Eva’s performance (I told you I’d be raving about Hadestown this entire post/for my life, didn’t I? if I didn’t well I just did guys). But it’s the promenaders who pose the only real threat to SJB. Well one of them, Beth Leavel, who is also beloved in the community and has put in her time and is also giving a great performance. She is probably the #2 vote getter but if you ain’t first yer last, and SJB is first this season.
While I love all of the men on this list, this has to go to my OG (that stands for Original Greg), Santino. I guess it’s all down to whether he wants it or not, because we all know he could win one if he wanted to. (That’s a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend reference, for those of you still not living your best life.) Granted I am not seeing big ole Toots for two more weeks (don’t you DARE go on vacation OG) but it’s the kind of big, showy, entire-production-carrying role that does not leave its cross-dressing star empty-handed, especially when he does the impossible and stops audiences from comparing him to Dustin Hoffman. (The TBD star of the new Mrs. Doubtfire musical can only pray for the same result.) While all the nominees are such great ones, it seems Brooks Ashmanskas not only has the best name but also poses the biggest threat of an upset here, as the most likely win for The Prom (and, in my view, backpay for Martin Short’s 2006 Broadway variety show, still one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen). Although a huge part of me wants Lin-Manuel Miranda to one day be the presenter that awards Derrick Baskin his Tony, just so Derrick can reprise his greatest line of all time: “Well, well, well. If it isn’t Lin-Man-well, well, well”, this is almost surely Santino’s and it’s honestly the least Broadway could do for his returning to the Great White Way and thus incurring the wrath of Rachel Bloom.
What a terrible category for voters! All of these performances are truly deserving and would win in other years. Both Paddy and Bryan won Oliviers for these same roles, but Bryan will prevail here. He already won the best award of the year, the Drama League Distinguished Performance that goes to just one actor, across roles of all size and gender and musicality (as in, whether it has it or not) (I’m trying to say that plays and musicals are combined). It would be a shock if he doesn’t win this, but not like so sad because he is swimming in awards and we all like socialism now, right?
Six incredible actresses to choose from (and yet no Glenda Jackson, so weird right?) seems like a hard task but this is the biggest slam dunk of the night, the one with the most consensus – it’s Elaine May’s. She plays someone with Alzheimer’s which seems like this decade’s version of Ricky Gervais’s hundo p secret to winning an Oscar (doing a Holocaust movie), and so given that Ricky is the latest out-of-touch white man to be CANCELLED, it seems totes approps that that should change to this, especially given that May’s performance is what some Tony voters said (anonymously) was the best performance of any sort they’d literally ever seen.
This one is the one I am going to be most dismayed by, except not even ‘dismayed’ just like ‘oh that’s not who I would have voted for but still great, still great’ so…so that’s nothing, right. It’s neck and neck between Amber Gray and Ali Stroker, the two it should be neck and neck between. So they are both totally deserving but my vote would be for Amber because I am obbbbsesssssed with her Persephone and not just because my first acting gig was playing Persephone’s best friend who sees her get abducted by Hades (my big line: “Come ON, Persephone! We’ll never get to the beach if you stop to look at every flower!” and then Hades comes up from underground and snatches her away and I’m like “but the beach!” I was 8 years old I think.) So like Persephone is a part of me, you know??? And Amber is doing something so original (as she always does) and turning Persephone after many years of this nonsense into a quirky, sort of pissed off yet beloved queen and straight KILLIN it (as she always does) and her performance is so forking touching so I just really want her to win and also she is pumping during intermission every night because she has an infant and that is BALLER. But Ali is amazing and I’m so happy there is a place for her forever on Broadway now so like whatever they’re all great just everyone be happy and have fun I guess. I am going to the beach next week so that’s p cool.
THIS is the category that makes me happiest to not be a Tony voter this year, honestly, because I CANNOT choose between Andre and Patrick. It’s between the two Hadestown men, for sure, which scares me because a) they’re both so phenomental (that was a typo originally but I’m going to keep it because it is mental how phenomenal they are so yeah) and b) I’m nervous that the votes will cancel each other out and open the way for one of the others, which like fine they are all great and wonderful but it has to be Patrick or Andre. I think Andre gets it by the skin of his sweet potatoes, which sounds like a phrase that means something but I’m just remembering how at stage door he was eating sweet potatoes and we talked about healthy food and how important it is for him to nourish his body properly so it keeps functioning at peak human like it is in the show. Anyway, I love him and he’s my best good friend.
For the other categories: For featured actress in a play, Celia Keenan-Bolger is finally going to win the Tony everyone thought she was going to win for The Glass Menagerie, which is great because she is just the best. For featured actor, I’m rooting for Robin de Jesus because 1) he’s cool enough to make his twitter handle ‘Robin the Jesus’ which I laugh about at least once a week, and 2) I just love him and he’s SO good and should be in more stuff.
As for the show, I’m sure James Corden will do a nice job and do some big musical opener that lets him live all our dreams while he comes very close to tears and it will be big-hearted and joyous but not as shockingly impressive as NPH’s opening “Bigger” was because nothing could ever top that, ever. I’m sure some musical nominees will choose to do medleys, which like have you not learned how much medleys suck yet? I hope that Hadestown chooses to do “Why We Build a Wall” to make a killer political statement, but I don’t think it will, even though like, we have 30 years left tops, when if not now?
Most of all, I hope everyone reading this watches this year! They need to increase their ratings! Do your part and ensure that all the kids in podunk middles-of-nowhere see people like them exist! Enjoy!
Hottest Ticket in Town “One Woman Show” is As Good As They Say
SPOILER WARNING! This one is very much not for those of you who are yet to see it. This one’s for those who have seen it or never will get to. Or, really, more for my own memory’s sake.
Liz Kingsman’s one-woman-show-parodying one woman show, called One Woman Show, is by far the funniest event happening in London right now, even funnier than my commentary through the walls to my loud neighbors asking how they smuggled elephants into a no-pets-allowed building. Her post-Fleabag scathing send-up of that type of overdramatic, confessional-style, sexually-bold-just-to-say-it-is show is at least in my opinion (and what else are we doing here) more laugh-out-loud hilarious and more interesting than any of the predecessors she’s sending up. She’s an unfairly funny person, clever with her words as much as she is with audio and visual gags that are still making me laugh.
The lines between truth and fiction are completely blurred, starting when you enter the theatre. There are notices on the bathroom doors, the walls, the stairs, alerting audience members that ‘Tonight’s performance of Wildfowl is being filmed’. I was so stupid I literally almost asked an usher if these signs were from another show, because wtf is Wildfowl? Thank goodness I didn’t, because it’s part of the show. One Woman Show has Liz playing a fictitious/exaggerated character Liz who is working on her one woman show Wildfowl about her insane shenanigans and it’s being filmed that night. Throughout, Liz asks the production manager for cues or to check on aspects of the recording process and it’s hard to know what’s real or not, it’s so well done. The show began at least 15 minutes late, and it seemed to be explained by the whole setup for the filming, but it becomes clear (to different people at different times) that the filming facade is just part of the scripted show, so I have no idea whether the delay is actually part of the show every night?? My brain hurts trying to keep it all straight! Don’t think about it too hard too too hard.
We meet Liz, the character, as she wakes up in a strange apartment after a wild night. Where am I, she wonders. Who is this guy? How do I get to work from here? When she sees a picture of herself on the fridge, she freaks out – how does he have this? I don’t even remember taking this photo in a beer garden where I clearly am having such a good time that I don’t realize anyone is taking my photo! Then she realizes it’s her own house. Writer Liz has analyzed what worked for Fleabag &c, and what has gotten copied ad nauseum, and mirrors those details while simultaneously skewering them. She later gets hit by a bridge, but mostly shakes it off.
From here, I could keep going on about how funny it is, even though the word funny feels incredibly ill-suited to just how funny it is, and this would be supes boring to read, so I’m going to share my favorite parts instead, mostly so I remember them later:
When Liz asks a new, secretive lover when he will be getting back from Africa, he responds: “When does anyone get back from Africa?” Husbo and I immediately made mental notes to say that nonstop for the next few weeks (side note we are going to Africa next week).
When Liz’s Australian boss Dana, who Liz imitates by standing like a flamingo, delivers her super insightful monologues that skewer the whole genre going beyond simple retorts and instead present Liz’s entire theses in unedited, hilarious form, like when she directly states to Liz, “You’re not a mess; you just want to be seen as one.” I MEAN. THAT’S THE WHOLE THING OF THESE SHOWS.
When the lighting changed for a scene and a bit of a Grammarly commercial started playing, like we were in a mfing YouTube video. I think that’s what made me laugh the hardest the entire night.
When the production manager says repeatedly that the next segment in the script has the cue PAUL and you think it’ll be about another man she slept with but instead it’s about the chain of French bakery coffeeshops we have here, PAUL.
The reveal of Phil not being a new coworker but a POTTED PLANT (so stupid) buoyed by the audio recap of everything she had previously said about him (amazing).
When she is responsible for the demise of an entire species of bird, but sees that there are so many more birds out in nature, and says dreamily “maybe I am enough.” It’s too brilliant it hurts.
Sight gags in order of amazingness:
- The moat reveal for the stalls. (We really had no idea there was a moat.)
- The water bottles during the ‘break’ as they discuss what’s going on with the filming: the small bottle of water she sips from stage right…then the bigger liter of water she takes from stage left…then the gigantic water cooler replacement she takes from backstage. TOO DYING.
- Best one: At the end, when she says her performance isn’t as vulnerable and honest as she hopes unless she gets truly naked, so she goes to take off her clothes, her random unflattering big tee shirt and overalls, only to reveal she’s wearing the SAME EXACT OUTFIT underneath. Whatever anyone was expecting her to have underneath, this was funnier.
Lightning round mentions:
- Meeting at The Old Queen’s Leg, RIDICULOUSLY perfect pisstake of British pub names
- Having drinks at Las Iguas/Lassy Guas (Las Iguanas). I was hysterical it’s so stupid.
- “He walked me from Notting Hill to Bank Station.”
- Her friend with the Northern Irish brogue who funnily enough “doesn’t speak in any of my memories”.
- What made this audience laugh hardest: When she has random sex at a club and the guy is behind her and she says “this is my favorite position, because I can still narrate.”
I mean, this isn’t even half of it. I do think that line that her boss gives, the ‘You’re not a mess, you just want to be seen as one’, is sensational in how effectively and efficiently it describes this type of confessional, supposedly honest-to-a-fault genre that was saturating the market for a bit. Its hard-hittingness stands out a bit from the rest of the show’s humor but it’s the part that showed me how well Liz understood her assignment and how far her submission went above and beyond the rest.
INFORMATION
Playing at the Ambassadors Theatre, which might have the worst and oldest toilet situation in the country.
It is meant to run 1 hour 10 minutes but it started at least 15 minutes late as I said so we got out at like 10:45. Oh we went to the 9:15 show, there’s an early and a late show which I’m sure is really hard for the performer but really fun for me.
Jon Snow and ginger wife were there.
