Mites at the Tristan Bates Theatre: Don't Trust Men (or Cats...or Men that are Cats)by Randi / October 10, 2019“Hey, do you guys know a good place where I can get Mexican food?…Oh, Mexico, duhh!” Just like Judge Gen on The Good Place, my love of Mexican food runs hella deep (although I do not have the ability to add essence of time to my burritos). We finally made it to Mexico City, what the cool kids call CDMX (for Ciudad de Mexico), and we forking LOVED it. All of it too, not just the (amazing) (omg so good) (and so vegan-friendly) food, which is a huge deal for something who tends not to breathe in heavily polluted cities. Okay I’m not saying we loved the pollution (hates it!) or the traffic but the rest of it, you bet your bottom dollar we loved.
After our incredible time in the Yucatan (that link will show all the Yucatan posts at the beginning!), we flew from Merida to Mexicity funtimes. PS, the Merida airport doesn’t have vegan food but it DOES have giant waters after security, which is the most important thing. (The airport was also playing my absolute favorite song from the band Jesse & Joy, a Mexican duo that I hadn’t thought about in years so I was like almost crying, it was so amazing. (They are amazing truly check them out.)) Okay food is important too, so that was bad planning on my part. The flight was 10:50am, landing (bumpily) in CDMX at 12:50pm. By the time we got through customs and got our bags, it was like hella late! 2pm! Where’s our first day! I guess it was not a good day to not plan for lunch, I’ll tell you that. The airport has mmmnothing. So don’t be like me! Be smart!
It’s okay I just love them so much!
We took an Uber to our hotel because the metro wouldn’t have helped much timewise (and we were crankypants), but MAN ALIVE, the drive into the city from the airport was hell. Sitting in traffic was definitely the worst part of the whole experience (and I had to go to the hospital another day! we will get there), just sitting on crammed highways and smelling/seeing the pollution. We walked everywhere and used public transit from that point on.
Luckily, everything picked up from there! We got to the Hipodromo section of the La Condesa neighborhood to our hotel, Casa Mali. Guys, I don’t think i can do justice to how BEST EVER this hotel was. First of all, the room was not a room but more like a surprise serviced apartment: a little kitchen with a full-size fridge (and a blender!), a dining area, a gorgeous bedroom, a sun-lit bathroom. We were on the top floor (yes it was called a penthouse but it was like 4th floor, it’s a small boutique place and it’s perfect) so not sure if this was an upgrade sitch but I wasn’t going to ask questions.
(not pictured: A+ wall unit the bed points to and another big tv, plus on the left side you can sort of see the beginning of an INCREDIBLY GIGANTIC CLOSET AREA)
But aside from a great shower, a huge fridge, a lovely bed, all these wonderful aspects of the room, what could there be that actually made me sob with happiness and disbelief at our good fortune? Guys what’s my favorite thing in the world??
A WASHER AND A SEPARATE DRYER! AHHHHH! I screamed, I really did, and then I immediately told my mom and my best friend so they could scream (they know how much I love a good dryer). I know this is weird but they don’t do dryers right/at all in England so this was huge for us. And those of you who followed along on our Central Asia trip a few years ago (check the DESTINATIONS tab at the top) know how much I love (/how anxious I get about) doing laundry when I’m traveling.
Obviously I immediately washed all of our clothes and then did my second favorite thing to do when traveling: completely unpack.
(not pictured: water shoes lol)
The hotel had a roof deck with a tiny hot tub and a “gym” – and by “gym” I mean a teeny lil room with an elliptical and a treadmill but no real room to get on them, lol. Our room was spacious enough that I worked out in there! (ABYB: always bring your bands!)
Okay that’s enough about the room because you know what the best part of this hotel was? Well what do I love even more than a clothes dryer that actually works? The same thing I love more than life:
Doggos.
People. The hotel was located right on a park, which according to google maps is called simply Parque Mexico, which cannot be right. But not just any park: It was a dog park. It was packed full of good boys literally everywhere you turned, all day every day. I honestly would have been happy not seeing any of Mexico City and just walking around this dog park every day. I could NOT handle it! So cuteeee! In fact, one day, there was a doggo adoption fair going on in the park. Right outside our front door. Can you even? I could not even.
Mexico City is like, UNNERVINGLY large, so instead of breaking up the experience in the usual way (separate posts for activities, hotel + food, &c), we are going to talk about each neighborhood that we explored in separate posts. It’s so big that it’s no good to you if we talk about a restaurant near x activity in a post that isn’t about x activity! It’s like REALLY big so you have to plan ahead and know what you’re after. We’ll continue today with our BFF nabe, where we set up our base: Hipodromo in the La Condesa neighborhood, about the southwest corner of the very central section of the city. It’s right near the Roma neighborhood, and we excitedly took pictures outside the Roma house even though the movie was like, just okay.
Read my thoughts on Roma and every other important movie of 2018 here!
i was looking at a dog
I’m SO glad we had a friend recommend staying in La Condesa. CDMX is GIGANTIC (i’m going to say that a lot) and figuring out where to stay or even where to go is seriously stressful, so having an insider’s opinion on what neighborhood we’d like most was priceless. La Condesa is a really nice, chill, hipster, semi-quiet very-neighborhoody area with lots of good businesses, and full of green spaces. That last one really helps you feel comfortable in a city where not many people feel comfortable. In fact, most people I know who have been to CDMX in real life have hated it! I think your enjoyment hundo p depends on what sections of it you explore and where you stay. All the pollution and cars and HUBBUB that you’ll encounter throughout your day pretty much sucks, so having to stay in an area that is also super pollution + cars + HUBBUB would be terrible. La Condesa was so calm and green and cool, it was like a refuge we could return to after hubbubbing all day, a refuge that is still jam-packed with activity but in a cool neighborhoody way.
I’m also super grateful to our expert-friend for recommending this neighborhood because he based it mostly on its proximity to Tacos Hola, also known as Tacos El Guero, also known from its sign as Tacos Hola El Guero but that’s not the name, it has to be one of the other variations. Anyway, this super unassuming lil almost-hole-in-the-wall joint was INCREDIBLE. There were big pots of all these different kinds of fillings and you just say which pots you want in a taco. There’s also a big picture-board of all the menu options which you know is the best forking thing in a foreign country.
It doesn’t look like much, but that’s because they are LEGIT, not worried about the gram but about the taste and the authenticity and the general amazeballsness. AMAZE. And the people were really nice and friendly despite my horrible attempts at communicating.
Alright, it’s time for some culture – we will get back to tacos later, as 90% of what we did was eat tacos. Our big To-Do list for Mexico City was literally to go to the Museo Nacional de Antropologia, or the National Anthropology Museum. Now, if ever a museum has attained A Reputation, it’s this one, famed for requiring not a whole afternoon, not even an entire day, but entire daysss, plural, to even scratch the surface. We tried, my lord how we tried, and we did not even finish the first floor. It is INTENSE, it is dense with information, and it is incredible.
The MNDA, former name of MDMA, from here on in referred to as the Anthropology Museum because I’m realizing what a horrible acronym that makes, is the largest and most visited museum in Mexico. It’s in Chapultepec Park, a giant, lovely park to stroll around with lots of other important sites: the Castillo de Chapultepec (a castle on a hilltop with a history museum), a modern art museum, several fountains and monuments, a lake, a zoo (don’t go to zoos!), a Canadian Totem…? LOTS. We meandered through the park on the walk from our hotel so it took about an hour to get there.
We also, obvs, were stopping to try every awesome bit of street food we saw.
The museum costs 75 pesos to enter (about $4), so one of the highest values in all of museuming considering the quality and quantity of what’s inside (“everyone wants to know what’s insiiiiide”). The only bad thing is they do not let you bring liquids – even water – in, and Mexico City isssss hot. Because “I promised” not to drink what was left (not that much!) from my giant bottle, the security guards let me in with it, and I drank when I was in between rooms and near bathrooms, but I didn’t have nearly enough. After a few hours of rationing when I really could not afford to be rationing, I ran to the cafe at the end of the first floor only to find they had CLOSED FOR THE DAY. I mean, WTF. Guess who else closed for the day? The fancy restaurant! I was like please please I need water I’m literally dying, and they said they could fill my bottle from the tap. Well. If you know anything about traveling to Mexico, not drinking tap water is like rule numero uno. I knew that, and my face conveyed that I knew it to the guy who offered, because he quickly added “the water is filtered from this tap.” And honestly, I didn’t know if filtered meant safe for my weak ass tumnus, but I was going to find out because I needed water. Luckily, I am happy to report I did not get sick. PROCEED WITH VISIT!
So, a museum of anthropology is not full of cute dresses that are supes overpriced until they go on sale and you have to root through those overstuffed racks and honestly in the past few years it’s not even worth it anymore; whoever is doing their buying should be working at Free People because the aesthetic is off. ANYWAY, no, anthropology is the scientific study of humans, human behavior, and past and present societies. (The study of (near-) future societies is called Idiocracy by Mike Judge.) The museum is packed with archaeological and anthropological artifacts from Mexico’s pre-Columbian heritage, with lots of Aztec finds. Even if you don’t think you are interested in anthropology, you gotta see the big f-ing thing, okay?
Considering the extent of what we saw on our first day literally fills four years’ worth of college anthro courses (I took one and it was too cold in the hall so I did not learn SHITE), I’m going to just share my highlights from the museum instead of like, leading you through it. There are tons of good highlight guides online if you need guidance for when you are there.
Considering my line of work (you can ask if you want), I loved that my visit began with a sign calling humans chumps for trying to feel superior to chimps. I am so going to throw the phrase “nothing but an evidence of anthropocentric arrogance” at some bitches.
“well maybe he was nervous.”
The museum is laid out like a big rectangle, with each room opening to the inner courtyard on the inside and having outdoor exhibit extensions on the perimeter. I was grateful for these outdoor sections because no one can yell at you for drinking water outside! It rains!
Below is the Aztec sun stone, maybe the most famous Aztec sculpture. Its complexity has attracted tons of interpretations from scholars but I bet none of them are right.
So that was a quick and dirty tour through…the things I took pictures of, so if you are in CDMX, know that you must go and you must devote lots of time to a proper visit. (And let me know what’s on the second floor; we never made it!)
After all that learning, we all deserve a delicious reward:
MOAR TACOS! We treated our time in CDMX as any wise person should: as a chance to do the taco cleanse and to do it right. La Pitahaya was on my list because it’s hundo p vegan and had great reviews on trusty old HappyCow. Also, it was a 20 minute walk from our hotel, which is pretty much as close as anything could be in this city.
We enjoyed delicious tamales, a special from Mama that day (I’m assuming), and AMAZ tacos. They have six or so taco kinds, so we thought it would be normal to have 3 each, but fork being normal – if you go just get one of each. WHY NOT. They also have INCREDIBLE sounding mains like enchiladas and enfrijoladas, and if we weren’t committed to our cleanse/if we had more time, I would have been back for all of it.
We got a ‘carnitas michoacanas’ which is meaty mushrooms, with raw nopales; we got my FAVE the scrambled tofu with black salt and guacamole (I mean, a perfect food circle); and I think the masala curry potatoes? Just get them all. Man alive, these were great. I definitely recommend a visit. And the staff was SO super amazing and nice and I wanted to be friends and not only because they gave me tacos.
The last thing I’ll share from this neighborhood is our visit to a pulcheria, a thing we had to do because culture. Pulcherias sell pulque, a Mexican alcoholic drink made by fermenting sap from the maguey plant, which is a kind of large agave plant. Cool! I thought. It’s like an agave nectar drink! No, pulque is like the initial, unfiltered substance that can be distilled into mezcal (which can be tequila). I was told this was like kombucha, like a low-alcohol drink that I’d be fine with, which was FALSE. The kind we tried at L’Nuclear Pulcheria (about 20 minutes from our hotel) (I mean honestly the name should have given it away) was 20% alcohol! That’s like A LOT. It wasn’t an unpleasant drink though, which is a huge thing considering it’s famous for its OKRA-LIKE VISCOSITY. It really is…quite viscous. But if you can consume alcohol, it’s worth a try. I didn’t hate it but I will be sticking with kombucha.
So that’s our first look into Mexico City! Next time – Coyoacán! And more tacos of course.
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New Orleans Travel Guide: Who Dat?
NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA
This is not Disney World! I’ve never been there.
WHO DAT!
My boyfriend I mean my fiance I mean my husband! and I finally made it to New Orleans! As some of you know, we were supposed to go to the Big Easy Apple Patch in January, but that ridiculously crazy ice storm back in January 2014 that destroyed Atlanta and Mississippi also closed all roads leading into NOLA. Here’s a really scary picture we took as we “drove” (slowly glided) through the streets of ice in Brookhaven, Mississippi as we tried to find shelter. Petrifying.
My boyfriend I mean my fiance I mean my husband! and I finally made it to New Orleans! As some of you know, we were supposed to go to the Big Easy Apple Patch in January, but that ridiculously crazy ice storm back in January 2014 that destroyed Atlanta and Mississippi also closed all roads leading into NOLA. Here’s a really scary picture we took as we “drove” (slowly glided) through the streets of ice in Brookhaven, Mississippi as we tried to find shelter. Petrifying.
Seriously, I hope this experience has taught the south about salt trucks.
So that trip didn’t happen, but then we decided to get married so we could go to New Orleans for a mini honeymoon/’wee agavemoon’! Yay!!! I got scared that maybe the universe didn’t want us to ever get there, especially after we had a flight delay, but we got there and we loved it SO HAH UNIVERSE.
Our mini honeymoon in New Orleans started off kind of hilariously (mostly awfully) as we laughed at this sign in the cab (at right). Like…did you have to specify that it’s a crime to kill a cab driver? Do the type of people who normally go to New Orleans not realize that cab drivers are people too, and that killing anyone is wrong? I don’t know why but we found this hilarious. Also, we loved the “may be first degree murder”, not “is first degree murder”, because of course, what if the cab driver attacks and you retaliate in self-defense? Or like if he is driving while sleeping with your wife so it’s heat-of-passion manslaughter? Likely story.
Anyway! We had scoured TripAdvisor for the past few months to make sure that our hotel choice, the Bourbon Orleans right in the heart of the French Quarter, was a good one. It seemed like a good fit: perfect location, had a pool (that we didn’t use), room looked swanky. And, the most important, it had water and unsweetened tea dispensers in the lobby all day and night!
Anyway! We had scoured TripAdvisor for the past few months to make sure that our hotel choice, the Bourbon Orleans right in the heart of the French Quarter, was a good one. It seemed like a good fit: perfect location, had a pool (that we didn’t use), room looked swanky. And, the most important, it had water and unsweetened tea dispensers in the lobby all day and night!
Heaven! This is my heaven!
So we got there hours after check-in time, but our room wasn’t ready. The not-so-nice lady didn’t even apologize or give a reason, just said it wasn’t ready. So we waited, but after about 35 minutes, I was steaming. I went up to the desk, talked to a man and said UMMM WHADDAFOCK? (effectively) He apologized and then looked down at his computer while I was standing there and I was thinking like…um…do I leave now? But then he looked up and said he found us a different room that was ready, that we could have for no extra charge “if we wanted” – a TWO-FLOOR suite with an enormous corner balcony overlooking the famous St. Louis cathedral. I mean, hot damn. Yes please.
The first floor! 
The second floor! 
Our enorme’ balcony |
How excited am I 
I don’t normally like sharing bathroom photos, but this shower had a half door just like they do in London! So ridic! Our wraparound balcony could have hosted a party for the entire town! We didn’t spend much time out there, unfortunately, because hot air rises. August in New Orleans is hella hot! The locals we talked to were like, yeah we take 4 showers a day. Ahh!
After just a few hours in the city, we realized the ubiquity of ‘Who Dat’. I mean, I knew maybe that it was a thing they said about the New Orleans Saints, but apparently it’s more than that. People just say Who Dat about everything. Like this sign: |
whaaaaaa?
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Also, this has no context but it was my favorite thing! It’s a tree covered in bead necklaces and it just makes me happy! |
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One night, after we ate two dinners (which you can read about tomorrow in the New Orleans food guide!), we walked through the old towne (with an ‘e’ obviously) and wandered into one of the many hot sauce & praline shoppes (with a ‘pe’ obviously). This store had hundreds of hot sauce bottles set up for testing, along with baskets of chips. I casually tried a couple, not really looking at the bottles or reading signs, mostly because I love tortilla chips (I hate potato chips but corn chips? Gimme I got it). Ya know, just casual, eating some chips…and then I started feeling like my body was imploding. I looked down to see if I was still in one piece or if somehow my abdomen had been disappeared, and then I looked up and around with eyes wide with fear. Whatttttt waaaaaaassssssssss happeningggggggggg tooooo meeeeeeeeeeee! This man about my age came up to me and asked, “Hey…um…which one did you have?” I pointed to the green bottle in the back and only then did I realize that it had WAIVER FORMS in front of it.
It was the NAGA JOLOKIA, aka the Ghost Pepper, aka the Bhutan poison chili aka the hottest pepper not only in the store but ON EARTH! And I just ate it because I like chips! I mean. Wow. Husband was like WHAT THE HELL OMG HAHAHAHA. And then it started pouring rain and even though I was wearing a white dress I dawdled outside with my mouth open. Before that point in my life, I had never cried without producing tears or moving my face, but somehow, that night, I did.
We strolled a bit so I could regain consciousness, but strolling around aimlessly is the best thing to do in a new city anyway! You get a feel for it – and you learn how to get to your hotel. Once I recovered, we went to CVS for some supplies and saw this hilarious lineup of goods:
The fridge only had wine |
Chocolate wine! Barfolomew! |
Tell me again why I didn’t get these? |
AMERICA.
* * *
The mighty Mississippi!
One early ass morning, we took a National Park Service walking tour that mostly shared information about NOLA’s birth and early development. I love taking walking tours to show you a different part of the city that you may not have discovered yet, and of course to learn! (Of course I don’t really remember what I learned, except that they lied a bunch to get people to move there.) I highly suggest taking this free walking tour, but get there early as they do cap the group at around 10 people (so fance). We had trouble finding the right meeting spot – there are six sites of the Jean Lafitte National Historical Park (everything in this region is called Lafitte because he was a pirate and New Orleans loves Johnny Depp). The right spot to meet is 419 Decatur St.
After that, we checked out the inside of the St. Louis Cathedral instead of just looking at it from our sick balcony. It was a lovely church but the view from the outside, with its fantastic green space in front, is better. I mean once you’ve seen the Vatican you are kind of ruined for regular churches.
Oh look this is a church a what a church
The plaque says “Allison ‘Big Chief Tootie’ Montana”. I liked that the male chief’s name was Allison and he probably didn’t get any flack from idiots. Yay unisex names! |
We also walked through Louis Armstrong Park in the Treme (not just a tv show), which apparently you aren’t supposed to visit at night, or alone. This park is the home of Congo Square, the place where slaves would congregate on Sundays, their day off, and play music and dance.
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MUSIC! (and the alcohol that apparently goes with it)
One night, way past my bedtime, we made our way to the well-known and awesome bar d.b.a. to see the well-known and AWESOME Glen David Andrews band. Oh man was this guy an entertainer extraordinaire! First of all, the bar itself was a superb venue (at least compared to where we were the following night). It seemed clean for a bar, it was roomy, and it had quite a sophisticated bar menu. Second, Glen was such a fun, crazy guy, and he works his ass off to entertain you. We are still laughing because the band performed the most hilarious songs – one about how they would ‘make that mo***f****’ shake (that mofo in question? The headboard), a lotttt about his ex-wife, who is apparently the worrrrrst, and best of all, my favorite thing to come out of NOLA, my favorite new song of the summer – one that went “I will I will I will I will I will MELT YO ASS LIKE BUTTER!” oh my god we were dying, and singing that nonstop for the following…eternity.
The saxophone player was the most impressive I’ve ever seen, not that I’ve ever really paid attention to the instrument before, no matter how hard Duke Silver tries to sway me. Every bit he played felt like a spotlight solo. Just a fantastic performance that made me forget how late I was up. This was the musical highlight of my week, and the cover was only $5! If you are ever in NOLA, I am pretty sure that Glen and his band play at d.b.a. every Monday.
The second night (we saw music every day!) we went closer to the West Bank (not that one) for the Maple Leaf Bar, a very Tulane kids bar, for a concert by Grammy-winning brass band Rebirth. They play big, loud, jazzy…brass band music, which is like paying to see a live headache. They are very talented and good but it is not my cup of tea. However, I may have been biased because the crowd was from hell. I hate college kids. Oh my god. I hated college kids when I was one. This was like a room full of every awful stereotype, so much drinking and pushing and shoving and being dumb. Ugh! I wish I had a mirror for them that showed their future selves looking reproachfully at them, in order to make them take stock of their shitty behavior. The best part about this show, however, was that famous NOLA artist Frenchy, with a canvas set up right behind where I was standing, was documenting the scene in a crazy cool painting that he will probably sell for many thousands of dollars while an angel sings “Beauty School Dropout” to him.
“Do you see how cool this is!”
Another night, we took the ferry (yay ferry!) across the Mississippi River to Algiers Point to see the Iguanas play, plus a special guest I’m sorry I can’t remember. They were decent entertainment, but the real draw was the location itself. Algiers Point is a big open spot of land that every Wednesday hosts pretty much the entire local community, with lots of food trucks and drinks tables set up. It really seemed like every local was there, with entire families and babies and so many dogs! There was such a good communal vibe and a friendly relaxed atmosphere, with everyone sitting on chairs or blankets they brought.
Our last night we went to the very famous Lafitte’s, where only candles are used for light in the entire place (no electrical lights, hence no pictures came out!). This old-fashioned décor creates a dreamy relaxed vibe (or maybe the darkness just made me tired). A pianist played right near our table, and she was pretty great to listen to, if not for her vocal health (you can still smoke in bars here, I think she has inhaled too much secondary smoke) then at least for her song selection. It’s definitely a must, not only for this atmosphere, but because they are the famous makers of the Hurricane, New Orlean’s most famous alcoholic concoction. Lafitte’s isn’t the original creator of the Hurricane but it is supposedly the perfecter. I can’t say because it tasted like alcohol. It’s a potent mix of rum and syrup, grenadine, or fruit juice. Some kind of highly concentrated sugar. We shared one and I stomached maybe 4 sips. My favorite thing at Lafitte’s though was our friend’s PURPLE DRANK. Oh my god Purple Drank is the most hilarious thing ever. It is a frozen…purple drink… that tastes EXACTLY like Dimetapp. Did you take Dimetapp when you were sick as a kid? It’s like grape flavored but in the artificial way that is really more purple than grape? Well, Purple Drank is like a Dimetapp slushee. It’s HILARIOUS. I’m not exaggerating when I say it was exactly like the cough medicine. Oh my goodness it’s so funny. If I didn’t know better, I would say that each drank is a bottle of Dimetapp blended with ice. I mean it could be, I don’t know better.
BAYOU AND PLANTATION TOURS
Sonofagun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou
On our last full day in NOLA, we stole a car and drove about an hour out of town to take a boat tour on the bayou. We went with Jean Lafitte’s Swamp Tours. (We originally had booked a time with Honey Island Tours, but we weren’t going to make it so we called to cancel our booking – three hours before the time – yet they still charged our credit card for it. Not cool bitches.) It was fun to see all the alligators – so many! – but the tour guide was not my fave. (He talked a lot about hunting and other not nice things.) But, a bayou tour is still a definite if you have the time. It took about 2 hours. It’s cool to see all the wildlife in the area. And, funnily enough, on our tour we passed a good amount of set pieces from “NCIS: New Orleans”, which we also saw filming outside our hotel one day! We didn’t see any famous people, but we did see one of their like male-top-half mannequin bodies floating in the bayou. Now that was kind of freaky at first, to say the least.
It’s a turtle! |
There’s a gator! 
Lots of gators! |
After the boat tour, we drove another hour and change to Laura Plantation. Originally, I felt weird to be touring a site of so much torture and suffering, but we chose Laura because reviews said they devote at least half the time to talking honestly about slavery. So, like all terrible historic sites, it was a great learning experience and it felt important to see. Our tour guide was really likeable and knowledgeable, and she struck the proper tone, sharing serious information but having everyone enjoy their visit. We learned about the owning family, and how some of them seemed like good people but then some were truly truly evil. We walked around slave quarters and were told that, despite all the wars and the fighting, the plantation was still operating almost exactly as it was in the 1800s – until 1977. How is that even possible? That is so disturbing and soul-crushing. What the hell. We also learned that despite the result of the Civil War and subsequent legislation, nothing really changed on any plantation. Oh man. I don’t even have words. How is this shit even possible? Ughh people STOP BEING RACIST. It’s shattering to realize that people who still perpetrate racist criminal activity are never really punished themselves. The tragedy and subsequent activity in Ferguson was happening while we were here, and it really brought to light how much work still has to be done. Those cops, probably all of them and all of their superiors, should be in jail for what they did and continue to do. But probably nothing will happen to them. It’s a terribly shitty world and we have to do what we can to make it better, as much as we can. So be nice to people, go vegan, &c.
ANYWAY, there were some bright spots on the tour, including the fact that the stories of Bre’r Rabbit came from this plantation, from the slaves who created the stories to entertain and teach the children. They also had these SUPER ridiculous books in the gift shop. I still can’t get over them:
WHO DAT! 
SERIAL KILLER FACE FFS. |
THE CHILDREN’S EDITION. 
WHY IS SHE DRESSED AS THE DEVIL? ON THE COVER???? |
Seriously, do you see how creepy this kid’s face is in the Kiss me I’m Cajun tee? THIS IS THE COVER OF A COOKBOOK FFS! And the devil costume! I can’t even.
Down the road from Laura is the plantation used to film “12 Years A Slave”! How crazy! It wasn’t open for visitation before the movie, but now it is. We drove by and took a picture.
Car window shot lol
New Orleans is a really fun place to visit. Bourbon Street is full of debauchery and drunken naked people even at 10am. But when you get away from those few blocks, the city has so much great culture, art, music, and of course food – which we will cover the rest of this week! – to offer. The last place we visited was the famous Saint Louis Cemetery, which is filled with interesting stories, from voodoo queens to Nicholas Cage. That’s right, the actor Nicholas Cage built himself a tomb a few years ago in this cemetery because he loves New Orleans and wants to be buried there. How creepy is that!!! I leave you with his tomb, which has a plaque covered in actual lipstick kisses.
Nicholas Cage’s tomb
A Quick Trip to A Classic Fave: Berlin, Germany
Fourteen months ago, we embarked upon the most insane adventure yet. About 10 months ago, we ended that trip with a short jaunt through one of our favorite cities, Berlin. That’s right people, this is the last post for our sabbatical adventure. After such exhilarating, exhausting travels, ending our nearly 4 months of being dirty and hungry (not really) (but kind of) in Berlin would be a relaxing treat for us. It’s a city we know well and love, one we didn’t have to frantically rush around in order to see all the big tourist attractions, and – most importantly – the one that would have all the vegan food I could want, including my first real vegan ice cream in almost 4 months. Yup, I went the entirety of last summer without good (non-fruit sorbet) ice cream (by the time we got to Berlin, it was fall). I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that this summer I’ve been more than making up for that nonsense, but that’s not what we’re here to talk about today. No, today we are pretty much going to be looking at pictures of all the junk I ate in 24 hours in Berlin. (If you want a tourism guide, go here: Berlin Travel Guide)
As I’m sure you read about, we had a lovely few days in Warsaw, Poland before we boarded our last train of the Big Eurasian Loop journey – one of the shortest and cleanest trains to boot. Love that German efficiency! We had a little room of 6 seats and only 2 other people in there with us. The train staff came around every hour or so with carts of beverages, including little water bottles which I would never decline when traveling.
When we arrived in Berlin, we took the U-Bahn to Friedrichshain, the epicenter of the vegan food takeover in the city. Since we’ve been to this city several times and didn’t need to be near the most museums or sites or anything, we decided to be near the vegan food. One of our best decisions.
We stayed at the Gold Hotel on Weserstrasse, a nice, clean, simple hotel with really comfy pillows (my #1 bed criterion) and very nice staff. But the best part, the defining reason for our decision? It was a 7 minute walk from Voner.
Voner, the famous vegan doner joint, is one of my all-times. It’s always great and it feels like one of the OG sources of new-age vegan awesomeness. We met two of our coolest friends, Josh and Emmeline, for lots and lots of faux-meat gorging.
We shared a plate of like nugget-type things, which were great, and it came with lots of fries and a side salad, which you know is my favorite thing. But the must-get at Voner is the classic wrap jawn.
all the major food groups
mannn I really want this right now
The Voner wrap/doner, oft copied but never surpassed, is a thing of beauty. The meat is perfect, there’s a decent amount of lettuce, and the sauces are killer. It’s pretty cheap and it’s extremely filling. Sigh, it was the loveliest first dinner back in Berlin and back in western Europe. The only thing that could top this is:
A SHITTONNE OF VEGAN ICE CREAM! Yes I was full to the brim of Voner but remember, I hadn’t had ice cream in almost FOUR MONTHS. We walked to the nearby Balaram Eis, which Josh assured us was the best in the biz, and I trust his judgment when it comes to these matters. It’s an entirely vegan ice cream shop! But unlike London’s version of the same sort of thing, Yorica (which I love), Balaram Eis (I love saying Balaram) isn’t trying to be on that ‘no refined sugar’ ‘no fat’ or whatever nonsense that just cannot fly with hard scoop ice cream. Balaram (isn’t that what the lost boys say in “Hook”? RUFIOOOOO) has endless offerings that are all rich and creamy and beyond delicious. Choosing two flavors to put in my cone took me about an hour.
Obviously I didn’t choose any of the fruit flavors because I’m not crazy (“and when you call her crazy, you’re just calling her in love! BALARAM!” who gets it anyone?). As is my wont, I got a chocolate based flavor and one with peanut butter. And we liked it and we loved it. And everything was good.
Except there were more enticing flavors taunting me from the display. So after I finished my cone, you know what I did?
THAT’S RIGHT I GOT MORE BITCHES! FORK YOUR RULES! DOWN WITH THE PATRIARCHY! ABOLISH ICE! Man, think about all the ice cream I didn’t eat all summer, and then try to argue that I wasn’t entitled to AT LEAST 4 scoops at Balaram. I was forking restrained when you think about it.
And then it was time for a lovely sleep, with a very full tumnus, the last sleep in a strange (but nice) bed, the last one before I’d be back in my own bed! Man alive I slept in some wacky places, and I’m happy I had those experiences (no really I am). But I was excited to get home (as long as our house-sitter left me some clean sheets…).
The next morning, we went to the truly cool bookstore Shakespeare & Sons because we are yuppie nerds who love bookstores (y’all do too, and are). We were greeted with this wonderful surprise inside the shop:
BAGELS! And vegan friendly ones to boot! What a treat. Good, NYC-style bagels are hard to find (/nonexistent) in London, so we were excited to find really great ones here. They were out of Tofutti, which is a shame because that was my first choice after so long without it (and it’s my usual order in NYC bagelries, which I was trying to recreate), but I can’t be mad that so many people apparently are ordering vegan cream cheese! Instead, I got hummus and tomato and avocado, which, yeah actually now that I think about it is my real first choice, duh, like I said, not crazy.
HOW GOOD DOES THIS LOOK DAMMIT NOW I WANT THIS WHY AM I WRITING THIS BEFORE I’VE COOKED DINNER
The bagels were so good – the closest we’ve found to NYC goodness outside the USA, in fact! – that we bought 8 or so to bring back to London with us. Hey, we were getting on a flight that night (the first plane since the one that originally took us to Helsinki at the start) so we no longer had to worry about buying stuff and carting it around in our bags for weeks or months to come! They had amazing flavors like rosemary whole wheat and everything and salt (salt is an amazing flavor). When we got to London, we kept two out and froze the rest. Guess what. I just found two in our freezer. Still. Since last fall. Wtf else is in there.
As it turns out, we did make one important touristic visit. During our day in Berlin before our nighttime flight home to London, we strolled all over the city, including down Karl Marx Allee, once considered the “Champs-Elysees of the GDR”, the German Democratic Republic (or East Germany, the socialist part). We stopped in the famous Cafe Sibylle, an institution in its time, and now home to a functioning little cafe as well as an exhibition to the GDR, honoring the events that happened in this neighborhood before the wall fell. Named after the GDR women’s magazine, Cafe Sibylle was the home of artists, intellectuals, and others who discussed culture and politics. It was closed for about a decade after German reunification but reopened in 2000s. Supporters and frequenters of the cafe said that the exhibition to local history made sure that the GDR was remembered for more than just the Stasi. It remembered the ideals of socialism while recognizing the faults of the GDR. Unfortunately, it looks like Cafe Sibylle shut its doors a few months ago in April in, of course, the capitalist sweep that turns meagerly profiting landmarks of its type into fancy clubs and lounges. Yet if my ability to read German news articles can be trusted – and it cannot, because all the German I know I learned from Nena and her 99 Luftballons – it looooks like the Cafe may be set to reopen soon, so I hope that is true and I hope more people go to explore its history.
OK onto happier things! Like two of my very much all-time favorite things: soft pretzels and carousels! In one picture! I do abrupt turnarounds like I’m Jody Sawyer at the end of Cooper Nielson’s debut ballet heyoooo.
Honestly the rest of the day was spent acquiring Manner, my very favorite non-ice cream treat, and other vegan chocolate that is hard to find outside Berlin. This quick trip was obviously in stark contrast to the rest of our trip (look through all these posts to start) but it was a silly, chill way to end nearly 4 months of constant movement, endless education, and lots of challenges. This journey was incredible, more than I can really describe, and I’m grateful for all of it. Yes, even Mongolia.
I leave you with the most beautiful sight: a huge bag of cheap Manner. The end.
