3 Great Productions You Probably Missed: HMS Pinafore, Once on this Island, Dogfight

I knowww, I can’t believe it has taken me this long to see “An American in Paris” either! It came out on Broadway right when I moved across ye olde Atlantic, and it kept just coming short of nabbing a slot on my ever-shrinking Broadway to-do list because a) I figured it would last a long time, unlike other shows that took short-NYC-visit precedence and b) there were rumors of a London production. Luckily that London production has finally arrived, and with better news than I could have hoped – with the two original amazing stars, Robert Fairchild and Leanne Cope! I know! It’s as beautiful a production as I expected, and Robbie (can I call him that okay great) and Leanne are as wonderful as I imagined. There are some sluggish and/or unnecessary parts that scream for editing, but overall it’s a truly splendid time. Also I’m obviously joking in the headline. I mean not 100% but mostly.

Based on the 1951 Oscar-winning Gene Kelly film that – gasp – I don’t think I’ve ever seen omg gasp, “An American in Paris” (AAIP) (my fingers really want to type AARP) tells the story of an American soldier named Jerry who is sooooo charming (F-O-X) who decides to stay in immediately-post-war Paris and ‘work on his art’, otherwise known as try to find the mysterious, beautiful girl he saw just randomly in the streets of Paris and obvs fell in love with instantly as happens in all the classic love stories. We meet an interesting array of white people who all have dreams and goals and desires and they sing along to Gershwin songs that kind of sort of relate to those desires but unlike other jukebox musicals the disconnect between story and old popular song is not as offensive as it usually is (cough ‘Mamma Mia’). Maybe it’s because the Gershwin force-around was a part of the original movie, so you can’t blame the stage version for juking. And importantly, a lot of the ballet is danced to purely orchestral pieces (like ‘An American in Paris’) and stuff, so it’s not like the most dramatic dance of the show is to ‘I Got Rhythm’ or something dreadful like that. 

Before talking more in depth about the show, I feel the need to point out YET AGAIN that despite all the millions of dollars available to pay for original art, the main promotional art for “La La Land” was, shall we say, quite similar to the preexisting Broadway show art for AAIP, which thankfully they are still using because it is so beautiful.
 
The show begins with David Seadon-Young, who plays supporting male character Adam, sitting at a piano on an otherwise empty stage and telling us that oh boy does he have a story for us, or something like that, and isn’t war terrible but ain’t love grand. I don’t remember because I was immediately stunned by a little bit of stage magic – a huge tarp-like French flag is lifted up by ensemblists and brought down a second later to reveal an empty stage –they vanished the piano! I’m sure that’s a simple trapdoor kind of thing under the stage or something but I literally gasped and everyone laughed at me probably but it was the best day.
 
The story starts in Paris as American GIs are saying goodbye to their French loves and French soldiers are coming home (or not) to their anguished families, all amid a lovely tableau of ballet-dancing French civilians. We see our tiny leading lady Lise (Leanne Cope), dark and mysterious (while still being properly English pale), help a Nazi lady out of a pickle (was being attacked by some civilians) and you’re like oh I guess we’re supposed to think Lise is a lovely kind person…because…she’s…helping…a nazi….This action does turn out to say an awful lot about how kind she is indeed, in a way that I guess her helping an innocent child who fell or something wouldn’t, but still, no one gets points for helping Nazis. Well, unless the points are from Jerry, who sees this encounter and is like wow that beautiful little paledark flutterbug is so selfless, I MUST HAVE HER.
 
The crowds ebb and flow and Jerry loses sight of his new love interest. Jerry (or as Lise will say, “Zherreeeee” and it sounds like ‘cherie’ which just a nice little play on it get it because she love him) wanders into a bar and meets Adam (wounded veteran, maybe he knew him before I don’t remember) and Henri (rich French guy, played by Haydn Oakley) and is like hay let’s be bros also I need a place to live and a job and they’re like great stay and work here, new best friend. Things are great in musicals. Adam is a composer and pianist, while Henri works in his parents’ business but hides his secret life as a song-and-dance man (not a singer or dancer; a song-and-dance man) from them as they are serious people who would seriously disapprove. Henri also has a girlfriend and the boys are like you should totes propose to her! Oh silly boys, you have no idea.
 
Meanwhile, Lise auditions for the Paris ballet, for which Adam is the pianist, and he falls in love with her because she treats him like a human being despite his slight limp. Then the guys realize that Lise is the woman Henri is planning to marry, and of course we know Jerry is in love with her too so early on you’re thinking of Heath Ledger in “Ten Things I Hate About You” asking in his special way why everyone’s obsessed with Alex Mack. Lise is a beautiful dancer, and she makes the company now that it’s benefiting from a new wave of money from American philanthropist Milo Davenport (Zoe Rainey). Milo is one of those brash and assertive women who are annoying for really no better reason than that they’re confident. Milo sees Jerry and is like “I like!” but pretends she likes his art and gets him hired as the ballet’s chief, um, art maker. This lets him spend more time with Lise, but then when it’s revealed that she’s Henri’s pretty much fiancée, Jerry starts sort of dating Milo/letting her buy him things and you’re like ahhh figure your shit out your shit is a mess, characters! Milo is a thankless role, really, because she’s rich and loud and wears bright colors and isn’t the one Jerry’s supposed to be with so you hate her but I bet the story from her perspective would be amazing but we aren’t here for her so shut it. Zoe Rainey does a decent enough job, but it’s hard to make the character more than two-dimensional, or make her likeable, so Milo stays the former and isn’t the latter.
 
Despite all the unwanted relaysh drama in the book, the show really is a series of interactions between Lise and Zherreeeee, where they dance by the river and it’s s’wonderful. Leanne Cope was a principal in the Royal Ballet, and Robbie in the NYC Ballet, so they are two of the best in the world. Even though the show was generally well constructed and there are some gorgeous extended ballet sequences, I wanted the show to be 100x more them doing ballet, I don’t care if it would have been too much for some. It’s GORGEOUS. (And don’t just tell me to go see a ballet because I did that recently and it was soo boring and ACTUALLY, there still wasn’t enough dancing! Mostly people were standing and doing the presentation wave and lookie here moves with their arms. Also the story was creepy af I mean an army of teenage ghost brides who capture living men in the woods what the actual sexist nonsense.) When they dance together, it says more about what they are feeling and what we’re supposed to be feeling than any dialogue could (or does). It’s magical and it almost excuses the weak parts of the show. You see that despite Zherry’s dalliance with Milo and despite Lise’s expected engagement, they love each other and are supposed to end up together. Although they clearly know that, they are both conflicted by their feelings of obligation to their respective others, Zherry in terms of financial support/sugarmama and his entry into the legitimate Parisian art world, and Lise, we learn, because Henri’s family saved her from the Nazis. You can’t walk out on someone who hid your little Jewish behind from the Nazis!
 
My favorite scene, I think, is their adorable dance to the song “Liza”, when Jerry tells Lise he’s going to call her Liza when they have their secret meetings by the Seine, so they can pretend to be other people without all the baggage they’re lugging and enjoy carefree moments in each other’s company without worrying about what in means outside their love bubble and also so they could shoehorn some storyline around this particular Gershwin song. I don’t mind the Mamma Mia-ing here, because their dance is so playful and lovely. Jerry moves Lise around their park bench in a mischievous manner, carrying and tossing and lifting her this way and that as she reluctantly-at-first-but-then-wholeheartedly joins in the fun. Robbie really shows off here that he is the reincarnation of Gene Kelly, because not only is he the world’s best dancer, but he can sing too. And to sing well while dancing like that? and lifting a human? And being sooo charming? He is amazing. I’m still glad Michael Cerveris won the Tony for “Fun Home” but can we just throw all kinds of other awards at Robbie so he never leaves musical theatre? Like a Pulitzer or a Nobel or something I don’t care just make sure he stays.
 
Oh no my real favorite scene is when Jerry gets Lise fired (ish) from her job at the Galeries Lafayette, where I bought two of my favorite shirts that I never wear. He pesters her while she’s working as a salesgirl so obviously she’s the one that gets blamed for the ruckus he causes but it’s okay because of the aforementioned charm. I forget what song it is to because jukebox musical so it doesn’t really matter for the plot and they and all the shoppers do this incredible dance with colorful umbrellas and Jerry glides around the jewelry counters and you’re just like this guy is Gene Kelly hot damn. It’s impossible not to smile like a fool like a FOOL.
 
Aside from some of the song shoehorning, the weak spots come from giving supporting characters too much to do. It doesn’t really add anything to the story to give Milo her own songs. The purpose of that in any other show would be to flesh out her character and explain her actions, but since this is a jukebox show, and the songs were not written for this character, they don’t do anything for her, so it’s just kind of a waste of time. Same for Adam, who is a beloved character because he’s so nice and is another secret (not so secret?) Jew, but he still could have been edited a bit. Having so much of him being sad starts to give off that icky vibe that oh maybe we are supposed to be rooting for him instead because ‘he’s so nice’ and then you have the whole ‘nice guy’s entitlement’ problem creeping in that shouldn’t in any way be connected to this decent character because we will start to turn on him and no one wants that. That’s a very minor quibble though, because I do like Adam a lot. Most egregiously, though, is what they do with Henri. Haydn is a great actor, and it’s great for him to show off in a big showstopping musical number…but not in this show. His big long dream sequence “I’ll Build a Stairway To Paradise” is by far the most expensive-looking scene in the show, with shiny sets and sparkly showgirl costumes. And it is one of the longest songs (at least it seems it), yet it does nothing for the plot. I still cannot believe it didn’t get cut in previews on Broadway or really previews at the Chatelet in Paris, their pre-Broadway tryout (I love that they did it there). Every Broadway producer says that the rigorous vetting process for each and every musical number ensures that songs that are included in final versions advance the plot, or are necessary for character development. I can’t think of one good reason for this number to still be in the show, except that the casts always have a strong male non-Jerry singer they want to show off. That’s not a good reason.
 
Luckily, that ridiculousness (sorry Haydn you did a good job at it though) is followed by the most exquisite extended ballet, and one of the best dance scenes I’ve seen (up there with Sutton’s “Anything Goes”). Lise, in her big debut, is dancing and only gets through her performance by imagining Zherry up there with her. They do this surealist-art inspired ballet that from the costumes to the set to the sometimes-jerky-but-still-beautiful-movement looks like a Miro painting. It’s exquisite and weird and you never want it to end. To have this big dramatic moment expressed only through movement (this is the part that uses the AAIP music with that da da da, da da da da da daaaaaa you get it) is something very special and rare to see in musical theatre. I would totally second-act this show every week if that were a thing respectable people could do just to keep watching that scene.
 
Robbie and Leanne are so perfect together, I can’t imagine anyone else up there (despite the fact that Robbie has an alternate for one show per week, who I’m sure is wonderful, but man alive). They truly are finds, especially Robbie who really is the reincarnation of Gene Kelly. I hope more musicals that feature ballet get made so he and Leanne stay in the theatre for a long time. It was just announced that Robbie is going to be in a concert version of “Brigadoon” in November with two of my all-times, Kelli O’Hara and Steven Pasquale (erma erma erma) (I must go), but I don’t think it’s a very balletic show or role; I hope I’m wrong. I know his character is part of a big dance but like with swords? I think he also dies, spoiler. Anyway, I’m off track as per uzh. AAIP was so beautiful and is really just a great time. If you are in London, you must see it.
 
THEATRE
The programs are gorgeous (again, see above), but they only sell the large souvenir-style ones that are twice as expensive as the normal ones. They are really big and won’t fit in any bag allowed inside a theatre. :/ But they are cool. But so expensive. but cool.
It’s a really big theatre and seems a lot more modern in terms of facilities than most West End theatres. Like normal sized humans can fit in the seats. As usual there aren’t enough ladies toilets but what can you do besides oh yeah build more.
OH someone front row center was filming so at intermission I told the house manager and like every usher and pointed out the offender. They told her to stop filming. Like, come on people, where is your sense of JUSTICE? KICK. FILMERS. OUT. ON. THEIR. NO. GOOD. BUTTS. I feel like my entire bucket list now is just to see a theatre have the balls to deal with offenders properly, i.e. kicking them out. THAT’S ALL I WANT. that’s not all i want.

STAGE DOOR 
They all came out and were super friendly wheeee!!! 

​As usual, the Golden Globes featured some great moments, some surprises, and a lot of really stupid moments. But one of the most noticeable differences this time around was how unfunny the telecast was compared to the past few years. For an awards show that usually has its live and TV audiences in stitches, the laughter was remarkably limited. Sometimes I’ll think of jokes from 2013 and 2014, when Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted, and crack up uncontrollably. Like when they commented on the “Zero Dark Thirty” controversy and chose to believe Kathryn Bigelow because “when it comes to torture, I’m gonna believe the woman who was married to James Cameron.” They were amazing. But this year? I of course dole out a bit of the blame to the always-insane Hollywood Foreign Press for being equal parts bizarre and deluded, but most of the unfunny came from Jimmy Fallon, a person I used to adore and now pretty much despise. He likes to say that he prefers his comedy with rounded edges and doesn’t like to engage in politics, but that’s a rich sentiment coming from his white straight male superwealthy mouth.

Fallon’s opening parody of “La La Land”, though expected, starting off strong but quickly spiraled into lackluster b.s. I loved the red carpet bits with various celebrities, but when the “Stranger Things” kids started rapping again, it became apparent that this was half-assed. (Although those kids did lead into the best part of the opening: the synchronized diving Barbs. Is she really still alive?) Instead of Millie rapping, they should have had Gaten sing. That would have been something special. And then naturally Fallon’s lap dog/security blanket Justin Timberlake came on for a dance, the entire joke-premise of which seemed to be ‘let’s laugh at two men dancing’. 

Maybe it was an attempt to make up for how shitty he was in the fall, or maybe he couldn’t avoid it because it’s all anyone is talking about (rightly so), but Fallon’s monologue, once he got past the teleprompter issues (which shouldn’t really be a thing for a professional comedian?), was heavy on light Trump jokes. Like referencing nominee “Game of Thrones” and asking what it would be like if King Joffrey had lived – “Well in 12 days we’re gonna find out!” Haha that is HILARIOUS, Jimmy Fallon, when you are the one who made him seem normal and endearing to many voters. His non-Trump stuff was slightly funnier, although I don’t know how I feel about his Chris Rock impression. It’s a good impression, as most of his impressions are, and the content was strong – about how all the “The People Vs. O.J. Simpson” winners were going to thank Ryan Murphy and their partners but not one of them would thank the one person who had the most to do with getting them to that stage – O.J. Simpon. That was hilarious, especially when the camera cut to Sterling K. Brown and Cuba Gooding Jr. laughing really hard. But to do a Chris Rock impression in the first place, when talking about O.J., I don’t know it just seemed a little wrong. 

Thankfully, he didn’t speak for too long before the awards started. But the slightly off-kilter vibe this entire telecast had was evident from the start, as Emma Stone got up to present the first award with Ryan Gosling. When she got to the microphone, she f-ing sighed. Maybe she was just tired of how much success she is currently enjoying, but it very much came across as if she hated being there and wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. That’s something I would expect from a Billy Bob Thornton (who later got his chance to be suuuper weird with his acceptance speech) but not from Hollywood’s golden girl. Maybe it was a sigh of relief that Fallon’s main part was over with but I doubt it.

The bullshit continued, most egregiously, with the announcement of that first award, for Supporting Actor in a Movie. I literally screamed when Aaron Taylor-Johnson beat Mahershala Ali from “Moonlight”. I have nothing against the actor himself, but are you f-ing kidding me that ANYTHING from that POS “Nocturnal Animals” won an award of any kind that wasn’t a Razzie or more appropriately a “Do Not Resuscitate” from the League of Women Voters, #ShoutYourAbortion, and/or Equality Now? I will get more into this in my pre-Oscars movie review roundup (and how), but “Nocturnal Animals” was one of the most offensive and misogynist (and offensively misogynist) films I’ve ever seen, more so because it and its creator Tom Ford (what a winner he is) don’t even realize how indulgently violent and aggressively chauvinistic they are. It’s subtle enough in its rampant misogyny that I’m sure many viewers didn’t notice, but it struck me so clearly and consistently throughout the film that this was a piece for dangerously backwards thinkers who legitimately hate women. It reminded me of the kind of showy violent against women that goes unchecked in shows like SVU, but much more sinister in its lack of awareness. Point is, I cannot believe that this movie is getting accolades instead of disdain, especially over the one movie that deserves more than it has been getting, “Moonlight”. I mean, but I can believe it, because this is a world that allowed for Trump, so. 

The next award went to Billy Bob, so for a while the entire broadcast was entirely about celebrating hickish white male psychopaths who do nothing to improve society and everything to push it backwards (whether their character or real life). Cool HFPA. Billy Bob did not disappoint with his peculiar speech about how he was very happy to have beaten fellow nominee Bob Odenkirk, because the two Bobs have had a rivalry dating back to the 1940s, when they were in a movie with Van Johnson? Cut to Bob Odenkirk looking as super confused as the rest of us about why we allow Billy Bob to say things. 

Finally, things picked up when Tracee Ellis Ross won for Actress in a Comedy Series. I’ve only seen a few episodes of “Black-ish” but she’s wonderful in it. I especially enjoyed when she thanked her mom and dad because her mom is Dianaaaaaa. 

I honestly didn’t even realize that season 3 of “Transparent” already came and went. Damnn I’m so behind on my pop culture. Really behind, because the TV comedy winner – “Atlanta” – I haven’t even started yet. Which is nuts, because I adore Donald Glover so much! Troy Barnes man! He’s so flipping charming – “I really wanna thank…like. Atlanta – like all the black folks!” had everyone cracking up. What an impressive person, to have created, written, and starred in this critically acclaimed show while in his other career, as a rapper-singer, he’s produced another critically acclaimed album.

Interim fashion report: All the men have lumberjack beards, Mandy in “Homeland”-style. All the women seem to be wearing very sparse bedazzled dresses. And Nicole Kidman is wearing swimmies! Carrie Underwood’s pink ruffly gown is both super ugly and super pretty too. These open-shoulder clothes need to end their time in the sun already; I don’t get the appeal. And several women are wearing jackets (like Meryl’s) with bigger bedazzled jewels all over them. Weird.

Speaking of, one such bedazzled-jacket wearer, Nina Jacobson, also gave us a super weird speech. The producer of “The People Vs. O.J.” read written notes – always a bad idea, but here more ridiculous than usual, because she described the actual trial as a “tragedy turned into entertainment”, which maybe is true but just came across as really crazily insensitive and vulgur. Like her jacket.

This show was quickly spiraling to a level no one wanted to see, so luckily we were distracted by both great and incredibly random presenters. On the former side, we had Annette Bening come out and give off her trademark vibe of “Oh yes, I am here, and I am better than you”, but in like a great way. On the latter side, we got the random duo of Naomi Campbell (does she act or just throw phones) and that handsome advanced robot who goes by Matt Bomer.
 
Finally, we were treated to some funny when Hugh Laurie won his third Globe, for “The Night Manager”, and said how he was honored to win at the very last Golden Globes. “I don’t mean to be gloomy but it has the words ‘Hollywood’, ‘foreign’, and ‘press’ in the title. For some republicans, even the word ‘association’ is too much.” So funny, and extra good coming from such a glorious curmudgeon. He ended by accepting the award on behalf of psychopathic billionaires everywhere. Best acceptance speech by far.
 
Things picked up a little after that, with another fantastic acceptance coming from the truly joyous and delightful winners for Best Song, Pasek and Paul. It’s no secret I’m a huge fan of their musical work but it’s absolutely mind-boggling that they are going to win an Oscar soon, and before they even win a Tony (which they really better win in June or I’ll flip). They were so sincere in their happiness that it was a relief amid the rest of the room’s sense of boredom. It’s nice to see newcomers remind the others how lucky they all are to be there.
 
Okay, so the greatest part of the entire evening came during a commercial break. Did you see the CIGNA commercial? It featured all the famous TV doctors – Lisa Edelstein from “House”, Donald Faison from “Scrubs”, Patrick Dempsey from “Grey’s Anatomy”, and Alan Alda from “MASH” dressed as doctors telling people to get health insurance or something I stopped listening because I was yelling and reveling about how this was the best commercial in history. Why has no medical organization thought of this in the past? LOVES IT.
 
I guess that commercial was the indicator that things were about to get better, because the next few presenters were my favorites. We got Dev Patel and little Sunny Pawar from “Lion”, a fantastic movie and both of them are incredible in it. But really it’s all about how flinging flanging adorable Sunny Pawar is. Omg he is the cutest little face I cannot take it. Really, you need to see “Lion” if only for how great and cute he is. And heartbreaking. And so cute.

​The next pair, Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn, gave a welcome change of pace. Amy gets to the mic and said, “You guys, it’s Goldie Hawn.” And Goldie Hawn says, “I know.” The camera cut to Kurt Russell’s hilarious face and it was all wonderful. And then this happened:
 
Husband: “Is Goldie Hawn drunk?”
Goldie: “The nominees for Motion Picture Comedy or Mystical…”
Amy: “Musical.”
Goldie: “Musical.”
Husband: “So, yes.”
 
The very first actually moving speech came courtesy of Ryan Gosling, who thanked his partner Eva Mendes and dedicated the award to the memory of her brother, who battled cancer during the filming. I had no idea about any of this tragedy and it was kind of shockingly sad. Eva wasn’t there which is good because it would have been way too sad to see her cry. 

​Happily, the next presenters lightened the mood and kind of saved the show. Kristin Wiig and Steve Carell – who should host next year, please – presented I don’t even know what award because it didn’t matter. All that mattered was their continued dark humor as they riffed on each other for longer than it seemed they were allowed. Kristin, with a new short haircut, joked about how they get their hair cut together. “I’ll have that” she said and Steve shot back, “and I’ll have that – I’ll have what she’s having, like the orgasm.” Their ridiculousness continued as they remembered their first movies they saw in theatres but turned it into dark and weird stories about their family history, like how Steve’s first movie, whatever it was, “was the last time I saw my Grandpa…he disappeared.” They are amazing.
 
I’m sure it got some flack, but I think the decision to cut the In Memoriam (it would have been longer than the telecast, given how insane 2016 was) in favor of just a short about Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher, was a good idea. It was lovely but I wish it were a little longer. Hell they should have just shown “Singin in the Rain” in its entirety. Or all of Debbie’s flawless scenes from “Will & Grace”. And then all of Carrie’s perfect, hysterical late night appearances that uniformly destroyed the hosts. God this is one of the saddest, most tragic things.
 
Next, Casey Affleck presented our next nominated drama, “Manchester by the Sea”. He said it was a surprisingly funny and moving family drama, to which I responded out loud, “IS IT?” The clip showed 100% of all the dialogue from that overrated movie.
 
In the contest for Worst Acceptance speech, we already had lots of entrees, but Tom Hiddleston’s may be the winner for incongruous it is for a professional actor – who just won an acting award, no less – to be unable to speak well publicly. His long weird rambling story – about how doctors and nurses in the South Sudan binge watched his show – had all the makings of an actually good story about people doing seriously important work. Yet his inability to tell a story made it all really uncomfortable. It did have two things going for it though: one, it proved the importance of writers, and two, Christian Slater’s face.

​A little more than halfway through, we got to the part that people usually skip over but this year was the most important part – the lifetime achievement award, this year to Meryl Streep. Meryl’s speech was the most talked about part of the Globes, for dern good reason. But before we get there, let’s talk about how weird Viola Davis’s introduction was. Now, I adore Viola Davis. If you don’t adore her, you’re weird. She will be a Meryl Streep one day, if there is justice, which there isn’t. Even just her nose drippings are better actors than 99% of those out there. I thought it was interesting that Viola introduced Meryl since Meryl is the one that beat her for the Oscar that everyone, including the cover of Entertainment Weekely, assumed was in Viola’s bag. Viola don’t care. Viola loves Meryl and Meryl loves Viola because fierce ladies stick together. However, it was the weirdest speech. Viola was imitating Meryl when Meryl sassed her on  not making fully homemade apple pie or on making collard greens wrong, but it wasn’t imitating in a funny way, just a really dry and straightforward way, so it was suuupes uncomfortable for everyone, I think. If it didn’t finally FINALLY devolve into smiles, I would have thought Viola was Meryl’s enemy and was given the stage to destroy her or something. Very awkward and kind of painful. She ended by quoting Avatar and repeating, “I see you. I see you.” So, weird all around.
 
Luckily, Meryl’s speech was red underlined 100 emoji, and the endless news coverage it engendered is deserved. It was amazing. She started by listing off actors in attendance and not in attendance and stating where they were born, and it quickly was apparent that these esteemed actors were from all corners of the country and all reaches of the world, proving that Hollywood is, in contrast to what idiots like to pretend, full of different kinds of people with all different backgrounds. And if you got rid of all the outsiders in Hollywood, there would be no one left, and nothing left to watch except football and MMA, which isn’t art. I loved it. She went on to talk about how Trump’s mocking of the disabled reporter has stuck with her (all of us) and broke her heart, and how it gave permission for others to do the same thing. Disrespect incites disrespect, she said. “When the powerful use their position to bully others, we all lose,” she said in her most quoted quote. “We need a principled press to hold power to account.” I love that she used this platform to say these important things. It doesn’t matter that she was preaching to the choir for the most part because the alternative is staying quiet, which isn’t an option. Also, look at how angry it made Trump, proving once again but to a really wide audience that he is more of an immature crybaby than a colicky infant. I love that Meryl spoke about him but never once said his actual name, because you know that that is what really got to him. Genius, she is a genius. The one thing I wish she did differently was say the name of that reporter, Serge Kovaleski, instead of continuing – as everyone is – to refer to him as just ‘disabled reporter’. I did have to look up his name though. It just would have hurt Trump so much more if the great Meryl Streep said Serge’s name and not his. As it is though, she was fantastic and we don’t deserve her. And she ended beautifully too: “As my dear departed friend Princess Leia said to me once, take your broken heart and make it into art.” 

​Meryl’s speech was indeed the high point of the show, which was made very clear by the still-super awkward presenting teams to come. The most awkward was probably the team of Sienna Miller, Ben Affleck, and Zoe Saldana. I missed how they are related, but the real story was how awful they seemed to be at working together. Zoe apparently forgot how to read and left poor Barry Jenkins from “Moonlight” hanging as she paused for an obscene about of time before saying ‘oh, Barry Jenkins! Sorry!’ and totally ruining his big moment. And when Zoe interrupted Ben’s attempt to read some lines, it wasn’t clear who messed up but it was clear that Ben was noooot happy. All of it was so weird.

Hot takes:
 
I didn’t realize that Winona Ryder got nominated for being a genuine crazy person in “Stranger Things” so hooray for that and hooray for communicating through Christmas lights.
 
Claire Foy is the poshest Brit there because she’s the only one who thanked the queen. Gotta thank Lizzie!
 
Coolest double win since Kate Winslet: Donald Glover! Who would have guessed he would win two Golden Globes in one night? Donde esta la biblioteca! His speech showed how decent and down-to-earth he seems and I’m so happy for him. I hope he gets to meet Levar Burton now and not screamcry.
 
I loved Matt Damon when he presented Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy, and said he “has this privilege because I won this award in the male category last year, best actor in a musical or comedy…for The Martian, which is funnier than anything in The Martian.” The laughably inept HFPA’s decision to include “The Martian” in the comedy category last year will never stop being hilarious and ridiculous. One of the hallmarks of the Golden Globes is indeed the stupid decisions of the HFPA, as they maneuver around category descriptions and all good sense to make sure their favorite stars are nominated and awarded. It’s kind of a fun game, actually, as long as you don’t take it too seriously, which I do.
 
I find it very strange that Casey Affleck thanked Matt Damon but didn’t mention his brother Ben. Ben is so hurt I bet. I have no real problem with Casey’s mumbling and totally too chill demeanor, but if a woman spoke like him she would be vilified.
 
Case in point, I’m going to complain about Emma Stone right now, because she wins my award for Most Annoying Speech. She thanked Lionsgate for taking a chance on ‘newcomer’ Damien Chazelle, and while when production began on “La La Land”, he may have been a newcomer, it just seemed odd to say this after the success of “Whiplash” was three years ago. Like, after “Whiplash”, who in their right mind wouldn’t sign up to work with him on whatever he wanted? He wasn’t even 30 years old yet; everyone knew he was/is going to be huge. But okay, that’s not that offensive. Then she thanked a bunch of random first names that no one knows, which I always hate, but okay, whatever. But then, most annoying of all, she got emotional and said she shared this award with anyone who struggled or had doors slammed in their faces or actors who waited for a callback that never came &c. Like…I’m sorry I don’t buy this. I’d buy this from a Taraji P. Henson or Viola Davis who achieved big success somewhat later in life but not from one of the highest paid, most in demand people in Hollywood who got her break before she was twenty and got her big starring roles before most of her peers graduated college. I know she had a hard few years booking jobs when she moved to L.A. at 15 or 16 but like jfc give me a break, you were a teenager and started working consistently as just a slightly older teenager. Argh I wish they would have shown the faces of the actors in the audience who legitimately struggled for more than 5 years and for decades when there wasn’t a 1 in front of their age, faces which I’m sure read, “girl, please.” It pissed me off so much because it seems like the kind of thing you can’t find fault with – recognizing all those who struggle – but I find fault with it because she is notttt the person you look to when you think of struggling actors when she was a star at like 21 years old, FFS.
 
The best surprise win was Isabelle Huppert for “Elle” over Natalie Portman for “Jackie”. I’m not saying Natalie was my pick, because I only could get through about 30 minutes of “Jackie” (what an annoying and boring movie, although she was great). Just everything I’ve seen has been putting NatPo as the frontrunner so this was a big surprise. Yay for Isabelle! Although this worries me that perhaps this leaves a path open for Emma Stone to win the Oscar, which is just weird, though it would prove my above case about her not being the paradigm of struggling actor if she wins an Oscar in her 20’s, and I do like being right.
 
Conversations I would have loved to see during the commercial breaks:
I hope Stallone and Milo Ventimiglia were able to catch up at the party.
I would pay money to see Taraji go Cookie on Emma Stone and ask her, “So, when did you struggle.”
I would have liked to see all the men with bushy beards standing in a circle so they noticed how silly they looked.