The Frog Restaurant in Hoxton: One of London's Best Vegan Tasting Menusby Randi / August 12, 2019It’s Theatre Thursday! Today’s show is Tree, at the Young Vic until August 24.
In a post-theatre conversation this week, we established that the number of professional stage productions I’ve seen is in the thousands. I can say with all the certainty of someone who is pretty tired and should have taken her contacts out 5 hours ago and has a hard time remembering many of the 1000s of shows (as one would) that I have never been more frustrated by any show than I was with Tree, the creation of (as it says in all the program and marketing material, it was ‘created by’ them, not written by) Idris Elba (yes that one) and Kwame Kwei-Armah, the latter of whom also directed. It’s maddening beyond belief, because there’s so much potential in the story – if you can find the story underneath the noise. Tree shows glimpses of deep, provocative drama, but the creators obscure those little captivating buds with tons (and tons) (and tons) of bells and whistles that are beyond unnecessary, to the point where the entire experience is extraneous.
The most well-known of said bells and/or whistles is the immersive nature of the show. As we saw with the recent productions of A Midsummer Night’s Dream at the Bridge Theatre and, in smaller part, with Barber Shop Chronicles at the Roundhouse (at least to start the show), immersive style theatre is this summer’s trend. I’m all for immersion if it works. It works like a dream at Midsummer (I didn’t mean to make that so corny but alas) because the story remains the focal point. Sure the crowd is ushered hither and thither but never in a way that distracts from the actors or the words. This is a lesson in restraint that Tree did not learn. I don’t think Tree even knows the word restraint. The immersion exists here simply for its own sake, simply to make audiences feel like it’s all about them – and it is.
Beginning with most of the crowd in the middle of the stage dancing with the cast to super loud (like too loud) club music (literally my nightmare), the show is ostensibly about a young Londoner who goes to South Africa for the first time to confront his family’s history and learn about the strife that led to his existence and is in his blood. Now that story could be great, and like I said there are moments of almost-greatness. But instead of letting those moments breathe and grow, the play continues to rely on tricks like these dance parties to convince the audience that this was fun. And most of the audience did have fun, because of course they did if it’s a huge dance party. Londoners love clubbing!
The first half hour drags, with little happening to propel a story but LOTS happening to distract you from it – more super loud dance breaks apropos of nothing, staff repeatedly handing out placards to hold up, staff moving you around to set up another effect, staff making you hold sticks (staff have never worked harder in a theatre; they did not stop for a second, which was distracting). There was an inane release of either glitter or dirt – I honestly couldn’t tell the difference, quite the metaphor – over most of the crowd, and lots of Alfred moving through the crowd unnecessarily. (This last one seems just to give everyone the rush of a famous actor walking right by you, because that’s what everyone wants – to feel like they’re a part of whatever is happening, regardless of whether it makes sense. Everyone wanting to be a part of things is already the downfall of theatre, with the rampant videos and snapchatting during it, but more on that at the end.) There was a character we met for less than a minute who performed handstand pushups for no reason other than to show off and have the crowd cheer. There were loud gunshots. There was a character introduction via hip hop performance. And sure she’s a good performer, but WHY? Every inch of this production had me asking why. Nothing was in service of the story, so everything felt exasperating.
As Alfred’s character Kaelo delves deeper into his family’s past, there is a good ten minute chunk that felt like a completely different, compelling play: when modern day demonstrations gave way to a memory play of the protests in 1985, when Kaelo’s parents got together. There were fewer distractions here, fewer dance parties, and it worked. Those ten minutes or so worked. I wish I could see the rest of that play.
But I couldn’t because it was then time for another dance partayyyyyyyy! Wooooooooot!
Without any real commitment to telling this story, the overly dramatic direction – so much melodramatic music, so much slow motion – felt unearned, since any drama took a backseat to the audience’s constant outward enjoyment. There’s a good story (potentially a great story) under all that noise somewhere, and that’s what makes it so infuriating. The issues brought up could be challenging in a novel way, but instead of developing them, they’re tossed in the air like beach balls that you throw out into a crowd, one crowd-loving trick I was shocked that they didn’t use. I couldn’t even watch the climax because the staff was having us set up yet another effect. All of the bells and whistles quickly grew wearisome, and it’s a shame that they took over to become the experience. I have never seen such reliance on spectacle at the expense of storytelling when there is such a good story desperately trying to be heard.
INFORMATION
Tree is at the Young Vic until August 24. You can get discounted tickets to some performances on the TodayTix app.
Beware – or enjoy, I guess, if you’re a monster – that they allow photography and filming of the entire show. People were filming the entire show right in the very front row, standing next to ushers, throughout the entire theatre. People were taking FLASH photography during big moments! People were taking live video and putting it on snapchat or whatever they do! The ENTIRE TIME. And it was fine with the staff, so if you are not a fan of that kind of thing, take a valium, and if you are, wtf is wrong with you.
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Rachel Bloom Live in London: The Most Hilarious, Joyous, Loving Show in Town
Last night, Rachel Bloom, creator and star of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, the greatest television musical/show/lifeforce/raison d’etre/new bar for excellence in any field made her London debut (a phrase about performance firsts that is commonly used in theatre but it sounds like I’m talking about debutantes and I feel like she would love that).
Bloom is in town for only two performances at the Palladium, an enormous theatre by Oxford Circus where I’ve seen, off the top of my head, both the transfer of the 2015 Broadway revival of The King and I, starring Kelli O’Hara, AND Whose Line is it Anyway: Live, a forking confusing list of past residents. Since CXG said goodbye, Bloom and her incredible cast have done the opposite of what most entertainers do when their jobs end: they’ve doubled down on working hard for their insanely adoring fans, just live instead of on TV. With the post-finale live show (on Netflix for people who don’t know, which like how do you live), sold-out shows at freaking Radio City Musical Hall and more, Bloom and the cast have been performing the genius, hilarious, wonderful songs from the beloved show, proving that they’re somehow even more talented live and that they have the best, most dedicated, most adoring fans ever. Finally, Bloom came to London, but without the rest of the cast. Or so we were told.
A mostly solo Rachel Bloom show was still a must-see, especially since she was bringing along co-writer and musical genius Adam Schlesinger on the piano (with local musicians on bass and drums) and Emmy-winning choreographer (representing all the show’s deserved Emmy wins) Kat Burns. She promised a few special surprise guests, who I assumed would be British performers, because I like making an ass out of you and me, I guess. I could not have been more wrong or more excited – I literally jumped out of my seat screaming like a forking lunatic fangirl (which I guess this means I am?) when Rachel tried to kill me by bringing out PETE GARDNER and SCOTT MICHAEL FOSTER. The surprise and excitement at either one of them would have been enough to kill me so with both of them I was killed twice which means the murders get negated and I am fine now, if still amped up on adrenaline and dealing with the subsequent nausea that it causes (it’s a true thing; I googled it at 4am).
The most incredible part, well besides seeing these performers that I love singing literally my favorite songs, was this audience. Rachel seemed genuinely moved at how devoted this immense crowd of fans was. The cheering was unlike anything I’ve ever heard – louder than any sports game I’ve been to (she did say, after making a joke about the big football match over the weekend, “oh no this is my first audience that watches sports!”), louder than any concert, and about 10 times the intensity of a closing night of a Broadway show. Like that last one, this crowd also sang along to every single word, which would normally be annoying for me (and it was a little just because the girls behind me were almost louder than Rachel, which like please no) but for the most part was pretty emotional, for me, for everyone, and clearly for Rachel, who kept pausing to take it all in. The only bad thing about the singing along came when a few people would preempt Rachel’s big moments, but we’ll get to that. Because I can’t focus on literally anything else right now, I’m going to go through night to the best of my ability/memory and share everything I can – including some videos! I didn’t take any during the first act because it is SO WRONG TO RECORD IN THE THEATRE, but then once I fully accepted that this was totally cool here, I took some videos (still super short ones though because ahhh).
ACT I
PERIOD SEX
To open with “Period Sex” is a bold move, and I couldn’t stop laughing watching the unapprised guards’ faces. They did NOT know what they were in for. On the show, we had only gotten a few lines of this song in its various occurrences. But here, oh boy, they went all out writing the rest of the song, even including a line about buying new sheets at Primark (to which Rachel commented, rightly, that Primark sounds like a pregnancy test). Amazing start, jumping right in to the crazy.
FEELING KINDA NAUGHTY
This is one of my favorites so I may have started my screaming, which lasted for the next 2 ½ hours, at recognizing the opening. Although nothing beats the image in the show that accompanies the delivery of “like that film with Liberace”, it was still the amazing live.
WE SHOULD DEFINITELY NOT HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW
Rachel roped Adam into performing Josh’s part from this song, which was hilarious since Adam gives off such a serious vibe.
It was around this point when Rachel learned the hard way that this country does not do air conditioning. It was super hot in the theatre, and I was sweating sitting in the audience so I can’t imagine how much worse it was for Rachel under those stage lights. She started the show wearing a plaid shirt open over a tank because she said she hadn’t gotten the tank top tailored yet, but soon she had to take it off.. She definitely undersold how ill-fitting the shirt was, as she definitely almost fully popped out of it several times!
OMG I THINK I LIKE YOU
Ugh my FAVORITE. It was magical. It was especially funny to hear the bridge, just the best bridge ever, about the various forms of contraception including the IUD (“that can stop the image of YOU AND ME”) since she had just talked about a bad experience she had with the NuvaRing and said “Do you guys know what that is? Oh wait you do IUDs here don’t you?” to which the audience shouted “YES”. Rachel said “doesn’t that hurt??” and again, everyone shouted “YESSS”. HILARIOUS.
I’M A GOOD PERSON
I was – we were ALL – SO happy to hear this song start, since it is one of the classics out of this show (like 131 are all classics and amazing, btw). It was the explicit version – all of these were the explicit versions – and while generally the safe-for-TV versions are actually much better (see, e.g., “JAP Battle” and “I Give Good Parent”, two of my absolute faves), the differences with this song are few and they’re lateral moves, so it was no big deal. Where in the show Rebecca comes across the guy choking and says “Sorry, so busy!”, here Adam stopped playing and told Rachel that there was a girl in the audience who was terminally ill. He kept talking and Rachel kept saying ‘uh huh’ and it went on and on and was so Voldemort (TERRIBLE, but GREAT) and then she just resumed singing!
There was a girl in the front row who may have been even more overexcited than I was, because Rachel chose her for the audience participation line, saying she had a bit planned for that pause but just completely skipped it because that girl was so itching to shout ‘YOU’RE A GOOD PERSON!’ Well, she said great; she was very excited.
SEXY FRENCH DEPRESSION
One of the funniest moments when Rachel introduced this song. Earlier I said the list of past performers at the Palladium is wildly varied, and I hadn’t even mentioned the best one: Judy Garland. It seemed like Rachel and I were the only people who appreciated this, because she kept trying to talk about how amazing it was and the audience didn’t seem to react the way she expected, which she kept talking about. As she sat down on the lip of the stage, she said she expected everyone to erupt with recognition that “Judy sat on the lip of that stage just like that!” That would have already sealed this as my favorite intro bit, but then she asked the audience how England feels about France. The crowd erupted in a truly indecipherable way: I heard cheers, boos, everything. Rachel said “what you guys still aren’t over the 100 Years War?” Then, some man (of course it was a man) shouted ‘BREXIT!’ to which the entire audience booed, which was amazing. Rachel was kind of confused until someone explained we were all booing Brexit, not France or her for asking. A totally hysterical way to lead in a hysterical-but-remember-depression-isn’t-hysterical-or-sexy-as-Rachel-reminded-us song, “Sexy French Depression”. I only wish she did the original French lyrics in the back half; there’s nothing funnier than the rush of French with ‘John Wayne Gacy’ stuck in there (but I admit without subtitles it wouldn’t have worked). “Je suis garbage” is still the best line.
FRIENDTOPIA
OH MY BIGGEST REGRET IN LIFE. Ugh I am still heartbroken about this. Without Gabrielle Ruiz and Vella Lovell to join Rachel for this song, she asked the audience for volunteers, two people who REALLY know the song, like every word, who could step in and do the respective parts. I SHOULD HAVE JUMPED UP, but I second guessed how well I knew a few of the lyrics so I stayed seated. Then as soon as the two girls got onstage, they were given lyric sheets!! I could have checked the one I was unsure about (Heather is the one who says ‘take control of the banks’) and then HAD MY LIFE MADE. Oh well, the two volunteers did such a great job being so brave. Kat came onstage to teach them some super quick choreography, which Rachel said was how all her choreography was taught. It also was a great opportunity for Rachel to continue doing terrible accents and talking about the British accent, which she did A LOT. ZIGAZOW!
WE TAPPED THAT ASS ALL OVER THIS HOUSE
In this ridiculous number, Rachel and Kat did the tap dancing of Josh and Greg – but Adam and another musician did the singing. It was funny, and a nice way to show off Kat, but the multiple performer thing made it feel a little off, keeping the hilarious lyrics more in the background. Still so fun though.
IT WAS A SHITSHOW
Rachel sang Greg’s most heartbreaking song, making an already emotional song even more moving. She also shared that, like the situation the song is about, writing the song was a shitshow too because ‘the actor decided to leave us, which was a surprise!’ It was some REAL shade, and it made me uncomfortable (and a lot of the audience since a majority of every crowd (in any place or gathering) is a Santino fan). There’s so much about that situation that is the real life version of the gif of Chrissy Tiegen at the Golden Globes making cringe-face, and I honestly would rather not know!
This song featured one of the most prominent examples of some extra-annoying audience members who kept preempting some songs’ big moments. Here, famously, Greg runs off before singing the final ‘shitshow’ – Rachel and Adam actually explained that there is no final ‘shitshow’ because Standards & Practices would only let them say it twice, but it actually helps with the emotional heft to leave it hanging. But before letting us find out whether Rachel would sing it or not, the audience member/s shouted it out themselves. Rachel made fun of it and we all laughed, but I think she was really annoyed about it. It’s one thing to sing along because we all love it; it’s another to literally make it all about you.
WHAT’LL IT BE
In a really lovely twist, they had Adam sing this, one of my favorite Greg songs, with Rachel introducing it as the song that most impressed her from Adam, that the first draft he sent was literally perfect. Adam introduced it by explaining that it’s inspired, as we know, by a singer named William Joel, “who is a Jewish man but pretends to be Italian.” As someone who is both Jewish and Italian AND whose very first concert was Billy Joel (that’s true), I CACKLED. Adam sang the lyric as “to serve Deb a Grey Goose” instead of “to serve Deb a vodka and cranberry juice”, and he paused the song to explain that Grey Goose was the original lyric, but the lawyers made them change it for the show! Free from the constraints of TV, it’s back to its original form, but I actually prefer the way “vodka and cranberry juice” affects the meter.
MATH OF LOVE TRIANGLES
The final song before the interval break was the one that almost gave me the big heart attack. Rachel said she needed the help of two special guests for this one, and out came PETE and SCOTT and I JUMPED up out of my seat and jumped up and down screaming like I have literally never done before. I was like a contestant pulled from the audience on The Price is Right, and in hindsight equally embarrassing as they all usually are.
But it doesn’t matter how embarrassing I acted because this was the best surprise, especially to use them in a song they originally had no part of. They even had the posterboard props of the different triangles. THE BEST!
During the interval, everyone got even more wasted, buying whole new bottles of wine and ensuring an even rowdier Act 2 crowd, if that was possible. The Palladium toilet situation is not great, and the line for the ladies snaked all the way through that long hallway and into the bar area. (That’s bad.) (Luckily, I know theatres (and talk about them in my regular reviews, ps) and got the seat next to the secret door to the ladies from the stalls – it actually says Gentlemen above the door but it leads to both. Anyway that’s enough about the toilets.)
ACT 2
FUCKTON OF CATS
With everyone wasted – which is something for fans of a show that uses alcoholism as an important plot point (but in the UK we just ignore that alcoholism is real) – they opened the second act with a song that I don’t love love like the others, but that is so good live, “Fuckton of Cats”, with Scott, Pete, and Kat acting as the cat chorus. Hilarious! This act actually featured a lot of the songs I don’t love love (of course still regular love, I love all of them) but that were vastly improved by a live performance. So interesting, like how “Santa Fe” was the best part of the Rent movie even though it’s like whatever in the original.
I LOVE MY DAUGHTER (BUT NOT IN A CREEPY WAY)
I am OBSESSED that Pete got to sing this live. Such a hilarious surprise and it was so wonderful live. I love that Pete really got to show off both his voice and his humor more than he usually gets to. God this song is so funny. I took a video of my favorite line (“I’m very careful where I tickle my daughter!”)
LET’S HAVE INTERCOURSE
Okay, it’s important to note that this audience was ROWDY for Scott Michael Foster. I said the screaming overall was louder than anything, but when he was onstage (or even when Rachel MENTIONED him) the audience screamed even louder, if possible, like how some infinities are larger than other infinities. This screaming level was the bigger infinity. So to have him sing THIS song for THIS audience, man alive was it awesome. Also I’m deaf now.
GETTING BI
I usually think this song is great, but it’s not one of my faves. Performed live?? it is SENSATIONAL. One of the best performances of the night because of Pete’s exuberance, the audience’s joy, and the fact that it was so fitting for Pride month. I love that as soon as Pete came out wearing a blazer the audience cheered because they knew what song was coming. I love that everyone knows this show inside and out like I do. We’re all so crazy.
I GO TO THE ZOO
Most fans are going to flip out, but this is another song that I don’t really listen to on repeat. It’s fine, it’s so funny, but like okay. But holy shit, live? This was INCREDIBLE. I really wish I had taped it but I was too busy rethinking all my previous opinions.
SPORTS ANALOGIES
Pete joined Scott to take over Josh’s part in this hilarious song. This one is when I feel like some of the male guards finally connected to the show, hearing about men’s relationships with their fathers. I loved that they added a new ending line for the European audience: after “’cause soccer’s just a bunch of foreigners running around” they THEN said something like “don’t call it football, that’s not f-ing football!” Loves it.
THE DARKNESS and A DIAGNOSIS
These two go so well together, it made each one extra poignant. Honestly, with how hot it was on that stage and how dry it was (so bad for the voice), this Rachel-centric section was a huge accomplishment. Those conditions for singers, especially at the end of a long show, are often debilitating. Although she mentioned how hoarse she felt, she sounded amazing.
FUCK ME RAY BRADBURY/STACY’S MOM
THIS was a surprise and I am LIVING FOR IT! I love that both Rachel and Adam showed off their early work. The former is the song that made Rachel famous, when she was making parody songs for Youtube. Aline Brosh McKenna saw this one and decided she wanted to make a musical TV show with this girl and the rest is our magical history. The latter, of course, is the famous Fountains of Wayne song from all our middle school lives. Adam wrote it; he was in FOW. So many young people in the audience didn’t know! He also was nominated for an Oscar for writing “That Thing You Do!” (the song in the movie, not the movie). The movie studio literally hired him to write a song that would be believable as taking over the world and making a band huge, and he did it. GENIUS.
ENCORE: YOU STUPID BITCH
I have to say, I’m the tiniest bit disappointed not to have seen the encore from the Radio City shows – Rachel doing “Heavy Boobs” wearing only pasties – for the sheer insanity of it, but there’s no way I’d give up hearing the true theme song of the show live. It was GLORIOUS…except the annoying audience member/s who kept preempting her continued it here, as you can see in the video. But Rachel made the most of it (I think she was really annoyed though). It was sad to have the night end, but to end it on this song was EVERYTHING.
So obviously this was the best ever and I hope that everyone going tonight has the time of their lives. Just don’t sing the words before she does.
London’s “42nd Street”: Come and Meet Those Dancing Feet and the Appalling Sexists Attached to Said Feet…And Peggy
Hey remember how my last few reviews have covered really stellar shows and I mentioned that it’s much more fun to write about not-so-stellar shows? Wheee!
A few days ago, I saw the revival of “42nd Street” on the West End. P.S., I still don’t know if it’s ‘on’ the West End or ‘in’ the West End, and this is an example of the type of thing I was distractedly thinking about during this positively ludicrous musical. At several moments during the show, I was struck by the thought that Jane the Virgin’s season 2 feminist killjoy of a thesis advisor would have stopped the show and JUMPED onto the stage to stop the atrocities of sexism from continuing. Every few minutes I could see Professor Donaldson shaking her head, then dropping her jaw, and then refusing to be a party to it any longer and marching onstage to shout “NO NO NO!!” And sure I have an overactive confrontation-imagination but I was as livid as the professor was. Enraged by both the rampant sexism in the show and the fellow audience members on their phones, confused by the lack of plot and the fellow audience members who wouldn’t stop talking, I tried to calm myself down by thinking over and over “this show is from almost 100 years ago, it’s okay, it was a product of its time, everyone knows that this sexist crap wouldn’t fly today, at least the dancing is great.” But it didn’t work because I think the majority of people (helloooo Trump voters) don’t actually know that misogyny belongs in the bygone era, and what was being presented onstage was very problematic to be tapping our feet along to.
Okay, so the musical is only from 1980, but it’s based on a 1933 movie about the time right after the Depression, so I was effectively right and there is cause for concern as to why the production team in 1980 thought this story was okay as is. The story from the movie is pretty much the same as the show, as is the music: the film score by the composing team of Dubin and Warren was used in the musical, along with a few of their songs from other works. I’m sure it’s pretty clear that I didn’t know much about this show going in, other than that it was a classic, super old (not that old but still) musical with tap dancing about a theatre company putting on a musical. Despite not knowing too much about the story, I knew a few famous songs going in that I was excited to hear – “I Only Have Eyes for You”, “We’re in the Money”, and especially “Lullaby of Broadway” – and one famous song that isn’t actually in the show but I could have sworn was – “Too Darn Hot”. It’s really from “Kiss Me Kate” which I KNEW but Christine Ebersole sang it in concert once and I really thought she intro’ed it by saying this was from the show she won a Tony for and it sure as hell wasn’t in “Grey Gardens” so I kept thinking it would be in the show but then it was curtain call and I was like ohhhh riiiight.
Another thing I didn’t know? That Sheena Easton was the star! I usually know if there’s anyone famous in the show I’m about to see but for this I literally sat down in my seat, opened the programme that I just bought that wouldn’t fit in my purse because it’s one of those unnecessarily giant ones, and then said ‘Oh…what.” Sheena Easton is a pretty famous recording artist from the ‘80s and ‘90s who won some Grammy awards and sang one of the Bond themes, “For Your Eyes Only”, which I can’t remember but I can tell you is better than the Bond theme that won an Oscar last year because everything is. I knew her because of her song with Kenny Rogers “We’ve Got Tonight” (who needs tomorrowwww) (you should watch a 1983 concert performance of that song pretty much JUST FOR HER INSANE OUTFIT WHAT IS SHE WEARING) and because I have a foggy memory of Danny Tanner mentioning her on “Full House”.
I know I said ‘lack of plot’ before but the show is of course roughly ‘about’ something. It starts absolutely stunningly, which is almost worse because my high hopes for finally seeing this show performed were lifted even higher and I was like whoaaa ahhhhhhhhh and then it all came crashing down. But not yet! The heavy red velvet curtain slowly rose to reveal 50 pairs of feet tap-a-tap-a-tapping like their lives depended on it, and as it continued going up we see oh yes their lives do indeed depend on it – it’s an audition. The dozens and dozens of gorgeous dancers flail about in perfect unison as a musical director shouts stuff and demos stuff and they just keep going and it was glorious!! I really love watching incredible dancing, and this show had tons of it. This classic opening is one of the good bits. So the music and dance directors pick their chorus girls and boys and the audition is over but then eeeeee! in storms a little spitfire of a dancer named Peggy Sawyer (Clare Halse) who is late and dressed like a lavender sailor but still wants to try out. She tells everyone she just got off the train from Allentown, Pennsylvania, which in the grand scheme of things isn’t that far, dear, you were one state away. The musical director, having just seen 50 great dancers, has no need for her, but the young male star of the show, Billy Lawlor (Stuart Neal), is like ‘Oh hey you are a non-ugly non-old female person I am going to touch you inappropriately and not let go of your arm as I flirt obnoxiously with you and tell you how we are going to end up just swell lovers so I will help you get their attention and audition even though there’s no reason to allow this to happen.’ So Billy and Peggy sing a song in front of everyone about how they are young and healthy so they might as well hook up I’m not joking, but like I said the show was cast and the dance director tells Peggy to ‘amscray, toots!’ which is clearly another of the good bits, and she runs off and barrels right into Julian Marsh, the hot-shot big-time director (Tom Lister), who is like whoooo is this football player tackling me but hey I kind of liked it. He really says that, it is gross. Peggy is mortified as she should be and runs out, forgetting her purse. What a lucky coincidence because of course she has to come back for her purse later! What mature story-telling devices! So Peggy comes back another day, but she is wearing the same lavender sailor suit and by now I just feel bad for the girl. She wears it most of the show, btw. But it has to be another day because everyone is there for a legit rehearsal, and rehearsals never start immediately after auditions that would be crazy. But so is this outfit. Anyway, songwriter Maggie Jones (Jasna Ivir) and a few of the more prominent chorus girls invite Peggy to eat lunch with them, where they don’t actually eat but have a DANCE OFF. This is another very sophisticated way to let the story tell us that Peggy is the best dancer of the lot, it is not forced at all no sir. So this scene is ridonkulous as a book scene, but it is amazing as a dance scene because Clare Halse really is the best tap dancer like ever. It might have a lot to do with the very difficult things they were making her do but her dance-off tapping ranks up there with “Shuffle Along” in terms of how worried I was that dancers’ legs were going to fall off.
In YET ANOTHER oh so clever and not at all eye-rolly twist, the show is suddenly short a girl so the curbside dance-off in the middle of Times Square pays off because Julian the director sees Peggy and is like ‘you’ll do!’ It’s not clear, though, whether they really are short a girl or whether Julian is just a gross old man who likes what he sees. Well no, the latter is very clear, it’s just a question of whether the former is true also. It doesn’t matter thought because all of a sudden Sailor Moon is in a new musical’s cast because she was late, assaulted the director, absentmindedly left behind her belongings, and then danced like nobody was watching when the director was watching. Well I’m inspired. By the way Julian refers to her sometimes as ‘Allentown’ which is cute once and then very annoying the rest of the time.
The show that Peggy is now in is a big new risky expensive musical called “Pretty Lady”, starring the legendary Dorothy Brock (Easton), who is a difficult and stubborn diva who refuses to do things like sing for the creatives when she doesn’t feel like it. Although she is talented, Brock is not a dancer, so they have the ensemble just dance around her while she sings. The team needed to hire her because she brings the financial backing – her old rich southern sugar daddy is putting up the money to produce the show. Why a woman of such renown and seemingly money of her own would spend time with a man purely for his money is unclear, but it is presented as ordinary in the show because women are terrible and do dumb things. Brock has a boyfriend, Pat Denning (Norman Bowman), who sneaks around to see her, but Julian Marsh, the director, doesn’t want him distracting his leading lady or complicating things with old moneybags so he hires ‘goons’ to beat him up. Totally normal. Oh it’s important to note here that I started to get the sense we were supposed to see Julian Marsh as a romantic leading man. I mean. No. But then every interaction with Peggy confirmed this, because he flirted with her a lot yet was cruel and a textbook abuser. It was very strange. We will return to this later.
The show leaves for its out-of-town pre-Broadway tryout, which is moved from Atlantic City to Philadelphia for reasons I don’t remember because I was too busy shouting ‘woooooo Phillayyyyy!’ At a party one night, Peggy overhears Julian ordering the goons to come again to teach a lesson to Pat Denning, who won’t leave the woman he loves alone. Peggy rushes to warn Pat that his life is in danger, but she is interrupted by that intolerable Billy Lawlor, who is not her boyfriend or even her friend, but still feels that he is entitled to control Peggy because he is a man. He asked her hey pretty lady where you off to, and she is frantically like ‘I have to warn a friend his life is in danger!’ or something and Billy chooses the wrong thing to focus on and says, ‘what…a male friend?’ and walks away dejected and it took all my might not to yell down to the stage ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT. This little prick has seriously had one previous conversation with Peggy and he’s mad at her for trying to save someone’s life? Fragile white masculinity is THE WORST. This is the type of man who punches a woman on the dance floor after she politely turns down his invitation to dance. (This happens often by the way. Men are A MESS and I blame ‘30s-era musical comedy for a lot of it no I’m just joking obviously but all this kind of crap presented as normal makes it normal!)
Luckily, Peggy reaches Pat and Dorothy in time, but the inane misogyny is far from over. When Peggy rushes into their private room to warn Pat, Dorothy immediately assumes that they are having an affair. I MEAN. I know things were different in the ‘30s but were men and women just not allowed to speak to each other unless they were a couple? My goodness. Then Dorothy goes down the party all upset and decides this is the perfect moment to tell her southern sugar daddy that it’s over and that she doesn’t love him at all, and he of course threatens to pull his money from the show. The creatives are terrified, so to distract him from ruining their show, they throw chorus girls at him. One prominent girl, Annie, had to flaunt her boobs like 10 different times in the show, and four times in this party scene alone to distract and calm down various old men. It was very bad. But it worked because he left his money in the show. And then he got together with the songwriter Jones, which was expected because she was overweight and these types of ‘comedies’ always throw the few non-perfect non-young bodies together.
Okay so this is all act one, and I know it seems like a lot of plot even though I said there was no plot. It is not a lot of plot though. I am devoting many, many more words to all the action I just described than the actual show’s book does. All of what I just described takes maybe five minutes to work out onstage. The show is mostly big dance numbers from the show within the show and I don’t get how this is a show or how I could say show more times in one sentence. It is 99% the ensemble practicing the musical numbers in “Pretty Lady”. Seriously. It’s dance scene after dance scene, all taken from this new musical “Pretty Lady” that also has no plot and even less of a story, so it seems from what we see, and the drama going on with the cast happens very briefly around these big dance numbers. I’ve never seen a show with more big dance numbers. Every one of them pretended to be the showstopper, but then another one was right behind it. And they were all wonderful. Even though I am harping on the story here and will continue to do so because it is abominable and gets worse, the dancing and the performances were all incredible. But, there’s a reason no other show has as many showstopping dance-heavy musical numbers – when they have nothing to do with the plot, it gets boring. It’s like being at an advanced tap recital and yes they are all insanely amazing but the dances have nothing to do with anything and nothing to do with the other dances we’re seeing. It’s just a mess of great dancing but just like too much of anything it starts to get intolerable. I had a bad headache.
In one of the early big dance numbers, Billy sings a song called “Dames”. It’s about how as long as there are beautiful dames around, nothing else matters. This is a very meta song, telling the audience just to enjoy the beautiful girls dancing all around the whole time and not to worry about the very thin book and very offensive dialogue. I felt like Billy was singing to me being like ‘stop complaining said the farmer who told you a calf to be just enjoy yourself!’ You might think I’m overreacting but look at these lyrics:
Who writes the words and music
For all the girly shows?
No one cares and no one knows.
Who is the handsome hero
Some villain always frames?
But who cares if there’s a plot or not
When they’ve got a lot of dames!
What do you go for
Go see a show for?
Tell the truth
You go to see those beautiful dames!
My god. I mean they are flat out telling us that this whole show is really just an excuse to stare at pretty women. They have no remorse.
Just when you thought that was enough, “Dames” ends and the cast has to rehearse the next song in “Pretty Lady” called “Keep Young and Beautiful”. YOU HEARD RIGHT. It’s an ensemble number with all the girls dressed in skin colored, very bare, lingerie-like costumes and they are told to KEEP YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL. Lyrics from this winner:
Keep young and beautiful
It’s your duty to be beautiful
Keep young and beautiful
If you want to be loved.
If you’re wise, exercise all the fat off
Take it off, off of here, off of there…
Take care of all those charms
And you’ll always be in someone’s arms.
Keep young and beautiful
If you want to be loved.
F-ING CHRIST ON A CRACKER. I thought I was being pranked and not the good too much tuna kind of pranking. This is a new level of sexist nonsense in theatre to me, on par with if not surpassing “Funny Girl”.
Throughout these musical numbers, Peggy trips and falls and bumps into people at every turn. I don’t understand. She is supposed to be the best dancer they’ve ever seen, and according to folklore the audience is supposed to be rooting for her success the entire show. Um. She kept falling, though? Why would I want someone to become a big Broadway star if she fell into everyone every time she danced? That kind of nonsense is not covered by insurance. It’s very confusing, because Peggy is an amazing dancer – amazing. I was really stunned at how talented Clare Halse was. But how can you reconcile Peggy being the best dancer ever with her falling all over the place when she dances?! Is it just to continue the trend of women in this show being flighty and/or incompetent? All it does is show her to be unqualified to perform live, and I would have fired her after she bumped into her fellow performers the first time. Then, at the big first preview finale in Philly (the song “42nd Street” and our real Act I finale), Peggy knocks Dorothy Brock over and breaks her ankle. True, someone else knocked into Peggy, but she still was flying all over all the time. Peggy FINALLY gets fired, and we’re supposed to be upset for her because we’re supposed to be rooting for her, but why would we be rooting for someone who can’t dance without bumping into people? Ahhh!
Then in Act II, when they think they have to close the show because they don’t have a star (why Brock can’t still sing while doing the same stand-and-deliver planted method she was doing before, I don’t understand), the chorus girls convince Julian that Peggy could be the star. Peggy who he just fired. Julian, who is a very unkind, frightening man, IMMEDIATELY believes them that the mess of a dancer he just fired could certainly be his star, so he runs to the train station to stop her from going back to Allentown. They say Allentown SO many times. To continue the trend of nonsensical things happening, Peggy doesn’t WANT to go back to the show and doesn’t WANT to be the star. It is yet again hard to root for someone to become a big star when she doesn’t jump for joy at this invitation. So Julian, freshly convinced that she’s the best there is even though he has never heard her sing or act, has to persuade Peggy to come back. And he does this by singing one of the most beloved songs from early musicals, “Lullaby of Broadway”. The fact that this delightful song that is forever linked to the great Jerry Orbach is used in this show at this absurd scene makes me very upset. Why would this prominent director need to use everything’s he got to convince a chorus girl who ostensibly wanted to be a star to in fact be a star, I do not understand. Also, in this context and given how creepy Julian is, a lot of the lyrics became creepy. He calls her baby a lot and clearly thinks exactly like Billy Lawlor about her except worse because he is in a position of power over her. At least Tom Lister has a very strong voice and sounded great.
The rest of Act II features more big dance numbers that have nothing to do with anything, and Peggy trying to learn the entire show in 48 hours, because Julian, professional abusive man, decides to open cold in two days and cancel out-of-town tryouts AND previews FOR NO GOOD REASON. Ugh this man is the devil. We get a big dance scene from “Pretty Lady”, and then a glimpse of Julian forcing Peggy to insanity in nonstop rehearsal. Then we get another big dance from “Pretty Lady”, and then we see Julian hurting Peggy’s arms and not letting her rest or eat or sleep or stop dancing until the curtain rises on opening night. See that’s not the best way to get a great performance out of someone. She breaks down from exhaustion and stress, and Julian gives her an energy boost by KISSING HER. I really almost screamed ‘this is harassment at the very leeeeassssstttt he should be in jaaaaaiiiiillll.’ But because this was written by dirty old men, Peggy gets a new wave of energy and is just an adorable ball of joy again because she liked it, of course she did, he’s a powerful man and why wouldn’t she! UGHASDJF;ALKWEJ FAW.
One of the random dances we see from “Pretty Lady” is the song “We’re in the Money”. I bet you can’t guess how it is staged. So four orphan children (four dancers dressed up in sooty faces and clothing from ‘Annie’) are playing under a bridge and they find a dime in a grate! And then they sing ‘We’re in the Money’. I can’t make this shit up it was INSANE. After the orphans sing a verse, the rest of the enormous ensemble comes out dressed in shiny gold costumes dancing with GIANT DIMES and the set changes to a gilded one and the dancers hoist their giant dimes into the light and then they put them down and dance atop them and if you listen closely you will hear the sound of a girl who thinks she is going crazy whispering ‘just like what is happeninggggg’.
Then there is more abuse of Peggy from Julian but as long as he kisses her she is revived! It’s not abuse if he really likes you!
Then. Oh then. We finally see the full version of their big “Pretty Lady” finale, the song “42nd Street”, that was cut short before when Dorothy was injured. The song is atrociously rhymed and I was audibly groaning every time the chorus sang “Naughty, bawdy, gawdy, sporty, forty-second streeeet.” SPORTY!!!! WHAT! Thank god this is in England so the words kind of rhyme but what on earth did they do in New York with this song? Holy cow. Peggy and Billy dance in the grungy, dark, twisted Times Square, in a much more adult and serious style than all the other dancing. Various players fill the stage, including a man who looks like a mime, wearing red gloves. But oh no, it’s not a mime, it’s a mugger! Well maybe he is a mime and a mugger but anyway he steals a lady’s purse and two cops shoot him dead. While Peggy and Billy are dancing. As your jaw drops open and you wonder um HOW did “Pretty Lady” go from repeated drivel about how great attractive young girls are to a gritty scene in Times Square where SOMEONE GETS SHOT, the cops drag the mugger’s body offstage and Peggy and Billy begin to dance again. WHAT THE HELL IS PRETTY LADY ABOUT?!!??!!!
Well, we have to just guess, because that’s pretty much how “Pretty Lady” ends, and “42nd Street” ends shortly thereafter, when opening night ends and Peggy is a huge star who has a huge crush on her abusive director. I just. I’m very tired. Julian is a textbook abuser and it is revolting that he is considered a romantic part and that the whole Marsh/Peggy dynamic is a classic one in the musical theatre canon. Blechhh. I wish it ended with her punching him and being like now that I’m a star I’m going to make sure you never work in this town again. I need to do a revival that is really a rewrite but the estates would never sign off on it. Maybe it would be excused as fair use because it would really be a social commentary on the original. Hmm.
Anyway, you might be wondering why Sheena Easton is considered the star but all I really talked about was Peggy. Well, aside from singing a few songs (and Sheena did a fantastic job), Dorothy isn’t in it that much. She only has one short scene in ALL of Act II! But Dorothy Brock is considered the leading role and Peggy the featured, and Christine Ebersole won the Tony for Leading Actress for playing Brock. BUT THIS MAKES NO SENSE. The show is all about Peggy, and she is in it 10 times as much as Brock is! and 20 times as much as Julian is! Yet Dorothy and Julian get the final bow at curtain call! Whyyyyy oh this makes me so angry!
So I obviously have a few strong feelings about this drivel and you probably think that this was the most I’ve ever hated a show. But while I hate the story and the character interactions and everything it says about women, it was still a very enjoyable production because the performances and the dancing are so wonderful. If you plug your ears while characters talk and during a few garbage songs, and you just watch the dancing and listen to the singing, it’s a decent time at the theatre. It’s the pesky story and characters and yeah everything it says about women that foul it all up. So don’t think of it as a show. Try to convince yourself that it’s a cabaret performance, all unconnected dances and songs just for their own sake, and not telling any larger story, and then it is enjoyable. I mean it’s not telling any story anyway, really. Ugh what a shitshow.
HI HOW PROUD ARE YOU OF ME FOR NOT SAYING ‘AND PEGGY’ THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE THING
