The Light in the Piazza: My Fave Show is SUPES Problematicby Randi / July 11, 2019Voting with Your Dollar in Every Domain: Fashion, Vegan Food, & Theatre
As vegans, we know how important the concept of voting with your dollar is. Spending money is a political act: what and who you decide to give that money to matters, because it gives the recipient power. The power to operate, the power to continue doing what they’re doing. Often, this is a happy decision. We support small ethical brands so that they can keep existing and providing products that don’t harm the earth. We support decent people so they know we’re behind them. And the flip side is equally important: We know not to give our hard-earned money to the big evil corporations who test on animals and contribute to serious global and environmental health problems. And, of course, we vote by buying vegan food and products, making the statement that we don’t support animal cruelty. Although being cognizant of what brands, products, and entities to support is a constant undertaking, it’s not really too difficult. My general rule of thumb is ‘don’t support assholes’. However, I see other people supporting assholes all the time (like allll the time), and I wanted to share my reasoning for not supporting a few things today.
The first one is a popular fashion brand, one of the most popular actually. It breaks my heart to see a constant stream of happy shoppers spending tons of money there at all times. And true I haven’t written about fashion in literally years but this seems like a good way to get back into that. The second is a restaurant chain that I actually loved, but when I learned about its behind-the-scenes drama, I had to stop. The third is a big bummer, because it’s an exciting new Broadway production that I won’t be buying a ticket to next season. I’m not telling anyone not to support these brands or events; I’m simply sharing why I don’t so you can make your own informed decisions. I know I have a lot of work to do myself regarding what companies, restaurants, &c I continue to support, so I wanted to share this in case others can learn from it.
ZARA
When I was studying abroad in 2005, I discovered Zara. I adored most of their pieces – it was like the affordability and availability of H&M and Gap but tailor-made for my style. I was obsessed. But then the following year, we saw that they were selling bags with swastikas on them. Seems like a really basic thing to know not to do, but there it was. The bags were pulled as soon as a customer complained about the offensive symbol, but considering how many steps there are from design to production to stocking and delivery in shops, it seems incredible that no one along the way noticed this aspect of the design until customers did. Indeed, the company’s apology stated that there were no swastikas in the approved design, and that they were just as surprised as we were when the Indian company who supplied the bags added this element. It would be a believable story if it were a one-off.
But then in 2014, they sold the infamous children’s shirt that resembled the striped uniforms that Holocaust victims were forced to wear: blue and white stripes with a yellow Jude star. This one wasn’t excused away by a supplier issue but by a difference in intention: In their apology, the company said that the star was intended to be a sheriff’s badge. And while it did indeed say ‘SHERIFF’ on the yellow badge, the combination with the blue and white stripes is at the very least ill-considered. Also, it reminds me of another controversial star image that was excused as being a sheriff’s badge as an attempt to excuse its blatant anti-Semitism.
Amid these problems with obviously anti-Semitic products, the fast fashion giant was investigated for horrific sweatshop conditions at a Sao Paolo factory. Then, there was the, let’s say underdeveloped “White is the New Black” tee shirt which was received rather poorly by people who are against racism, as you might expect. Since then, they’ve been sued by a former Jewish and gay employee for anti-Semitic and anti-gay treatment. And I’m sure you remember that Melania Trump’s famous “I Really Don’t Care Do U” jacket, which was received as pointedly referring to the tragedies at the border concentration camps but really could be about literally anything the White House is doing, was from Zara as well, to literally no one’s surprise.
The parent company, Inditex, also owns brands Pull&Bear, Massimo Dutti, Bershka, Stradivarius, Oysho, and Uterque. Considering all of these issues they’ve faced over the years plus the allegations against those in positions of power in this company, I do not support these brands.
BY CHLOE
Some of you vegans or vegan-friendly eaters are probably aghast at seeing this popular NYC-based chain here. “What!” you might be saying. “I love Chloe! She’s the best!” Yeah, Chloe is the best, and that’s why I don’t support ‘by CHLOE’ anymore. After working her ass off for years and years to develop her own hugely successful brand, Chloe worked her ass off to build ‘by CHLOE’, a hugely successful vegan restaurant that now has more than half a dozen locations. But Chloe herself was forced out a few years ago, and the issues surrounding her ouster are complicated, to say the least.
There were rumors that her business partners – Samantha Wasser, enormous hospitality group ESquared, and Wasser’s father Jimmy Haber, who is the CEO of ESquared – wanted to start serving meat under the ‘by CHLOE’ name. They’ve denied that claim, but that part is the least of it. It seems at the very least understood that there were many differences of opinion in how the business should move forward, and considering that it would all come across as being under Chloe’s own name, she understandably had strong thoughts about these next steps. However, an arbitrator ruled against Chloe. I’d normally show respect for that decision, but given the David vs. Goliath set-up of this dispute, it’s clear there’s more to it. And there is: in a lawsuit Chloe filed last year, she states that the group ousted her after she rejected Haber’s sexual advances. I don’t know about you but I believe women, and there is nothing easier to believe than an all-powerful white male CEO taking advantage of a beautiful young woman he has power over, and then acting out when he doesn’t get what he wants.
To top that off, nothing riles me up more than people abusing intellectual property law. (Okay obviously apart from abusing women, children, animals, &c.) This year, ESquared sued Chloe over her new pop-up restaurant Supernatural, which she runs with celebrity chef Supernatural and which I visited last month in NYC. ESquared sued her for trademark infringement, stating that this pop-up – with a completely unrelated name – would be too confusing to fans of ‘by CHLOE’ and they would think it was related, simply because it’s Chloe doing something else. By their logic, or lack thereof, brand confusion would arise whenever anyone did more than one thing. This dick move seems too much like a petty attempt to stop Chloe from working in food in NYC at all and I will not stand by while jerks try to use my beloved trademark law to defend something so weak and so clearly not a violation.
ESquared Hospitality also owns several non-vegan restaurants which you can find listed here.
WEST SIDE STORY ON BROADWAY
I know, with this one you’re like ‘what in the world’, but there’s a reason. Next season on Broadway, mega-producer and well-known bully Scott Rudin is mounting a new production of West Side Story with director Ivo Van Hove (whose past directorial works in London have always smelled of misogyny). The cast of this much-anticipated revival was just announced this week, and in the prime role of Bernardo is New York City Ballet dancer Amar Ramasar, which decent people who love theatre are justifiably angry about.
If you don’t follow NYC culture news, Amar’s name has been discussed a lot in the past year for his involvement in a disgusting, disturbing case of sexual harassment and all-around despicable behavior at the ballet. He and friends of his (all men who should be in jail with him for their actions: Chase Finlay, Zachary Catazaro, and Jared Longhitano) from the ballet (all either dancers or donors) shared private (sexual) pictures and videos of female ballerinas in group texts and joked about all the crimes they would commit to them and other ‘sluts’. One of the victims – a young ballerina whose reputation and thus career was harmed – brought a lawsuit, and Finlay resigned from the ballet while Ramasar and Catazaro were suspended and then fired. Allegations in the lawsuit state that this sort of behavior was condoned from the top, as the NYCB and the School of American Ballet were well aware of the extensiveness of this type of behavior and did nothing to stop it, at one time asking the men to simply keep such actions in NYC, where it’s ‘easier to control.’ Obviously, the NYCB is on my shit list as well.
However, Ramasar and Catazaro were just reinstated at the ballet: the American Guild of Musical Artists (AGMA) appealed their case to an independent arbitrator. So fuck the AGMA too. The arbitrator, whose identity I can’t find but I have a feeling it was someone with a penis, said their termination was inappropriate and suspension should have been enough. You know what else is inappropriate? Rape culture. While Catazaro declined to return at present because he is dancing with Bayerisches Staatsballett in Munich (another ballet company I won’t be seeing anytime soon/ever, hi Munich), Ramasar is back and now with two unbelievably coveted jobs in New York, two jobs that are both the kind that most people only dream about obtaining: a prime position at the NYCB and a starring role in a huge Broadway musical. COOL GUYS. Also Bernardo shouldn’t be 37 YEARS OLD.
You know what, fuck this revival anyway for not using Jerome Robbins’s classic choreography.
Okay those are my thoughts on this topic for this week. Considering my proclivity for complaint, this’ll probably be a regular series. What similar things have you just learned about that you want to share with the class?
Related Posts
I LOVE CONTENT! All the Thoughts/Things/Theatre I’ve Been Having/Doing/Watching
So it’s been a very long time since I last blogged! These two months have absolutely flown by, and it’s the longest I’ve gone without posting in probably 6 years. WHICH IS NONSENSE. I’m back, mes babies, and as long as my brain stays okay I shant I say SHANT be gone that long again. During this time, we’ve been watching hella content, from all the theatre recordings and livestreams to lots of new TV shows (but not Tiger King; I don’t futz with animal cruelty for fun?) to movies and screeners I’m probably not allowed to talk about yet. You know on 30 Rock when Kenneth says to Pete “I just love television so much” and Pete nods and says “we all do”? I mean if a line of dialogue could define a person, hoo boy.
Some of you know why I haven’t posted in a long time, and it’s not just because the theatres have closed and I’m lost without it. I got sick (before the UK implemented lockdown measures (hooray for countries with ineffectual governments headed by people who look like gross blond puffy twins!)) and it suuuucked. Slash, sucks, because the virus caused some residual effects that haven’t gone away yet. I had probably a mild case, which is hilarious, because it was the worst I ever felt in every way. My experience was like if a really, really uncoordinated squirrel was given a gun and told to shoot at the target, the target being me. Every day, the pain would be in a different random spot, running the gamut of everything a human body can feel. Seriously, name a symptom of anything, and I bet I had 90% of them. Not the Dara O’Briain sort like ‘sudden blindness’ or ‘loss of height’ but almost everything else you can think of. The unpredictability was about as fun as the pain sounds. One constant was the fatigue. That shit was no joke. I thought I knew from tired before since I’m like alwayyys tired but this was like ‘hi I would like to get up to pee but…cannot’ type legit fatigue, where I was actively trying to get my brain to send movement commands to limbs and just failing miserably. But now I am able to put sentences together (enjoy!) again and stay out of bed for most of the day (I do get up at noon most days but that’s by accident, I do not plan to nor want to, so that doesn’t really count…or something).
The crazy thing is, again, this was probably mild. I had to go to the hospital once but they sent me home with meds, and I had to get blood drawn a few times, but that’s it. And I’m like the healthiest goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy, who the hell are you, so people who are crying about wearing masks should get in the g-d bin. It doesn’t just affect old people or people with underlying conditions (which is like…suuuper vague and probably 90% of the population has some sort of underlying condition?? what kind of stupid mental gymnastics is this for people to pretend they are not at risk) but even if it was it would still be awful and worth protecting other people, you absolute bellends who don’t think safety precautions or grandma matter because you let your roots look truly atrocious and now you are blaming coronavirus when it’s really just your own preexisting bullshit.
Anyway that’s enough of that. You know I love to overshare on here (hello Mongolia posts) but let’s talk about CONTENT! I LOVE CONTENT! Honestly if I hadn’t been sick, and if my neighbors weren’t rude pieces of 8 who don’t care about the people around them, I’m very lucky that I would be fine with this quarantine. (Oh and if London friends need a small bottle of hand sanitizer or a roll of toilet paper, hit me up, we have some extra and don’t want to be considered a hoarder of anything but beans, beans, the special beans, I let him go but I didn’t know he’d stolen my beanssss.) On that note, I am going to share a few thoughts on the things we’ve watched!
THEATRE
Praise to the powers that be for releasing recordings of live theatrical productions for our entertainment during this time, and praise to the ones who had already had their goodies available online on places like YouTube and BroadwayHD.
Before I get to the specifics, I feel the need to comment on the ongoing discussion of theatre bootlegs, especially given the Patti Murin business from a few days ago. If you don’t follow Broadway stan twitter, well first of all that’s wonderful and I wish I had also gone my life without seeing the truly mind-numbing ‘arguments’ on it. Broadway star Patti said something about how bootlegs would put Broadway out of business if they were ever allowed to reopen. Which is, not true. However, the fact that that is not true does not mean that bootlegs are great wonderful things that should be widely made and disseminated. These are not the only two options in this argument, as, sadly, lots of gen z bway stanz seem to think. Yes, it’s unfair that those of us who don’t live in NYC or have lots of money cannot see every Broadway show every season. Broadway is inaccessible in the grand scheme of things. But we are not entitled to see every Broadway show every season. This isn’t a right of ours. I’m upset that I have missed dozens and dozens of productions I would have loved to have seen since moving out of the tri-state area. It sucks. I would love if they released recordings of, at the very least, productions after they close. But just because I want that doesn’t mean I deserve to have that, or that live theatre productions are required to think about being available to any audience that isn’t live in their theatre.
Obviously, this is even harder for people who don’t live near any live theatre hub, but there are so many productions online already LEGALLY. The feeling of entitlement that we all must have access to every single current production is insane. Not only is it theft, guys, must I remind you of my lauded 2015 Vida Vegan Con presentation called “Stop Breaking the Law, Assholes!”, but every bootleg you watch ruined the experience of another audience member, and probably enraged performers (you are not slick, chief; we all see your phone). My theatre-going experience has been ruined lots of times by people trying to record. The arguments made in favor of bootlegs are like an endless barrage of begged questions. The one with any validity is that theatre can be inaccessible to so many who want to experience it. That is true (though not an excuse for whatever solution you civilian come up with). The funniest thing for me is that the people actually taking the videos are there. They don’t have the ‘but it’s inaccessible!’ argument on their side, so what do they have? A ticket to the Bad Place, I hope.
Also, this pandemic has revealed just how much content is online already. No it’s not all or most of what has played on Broadway or the West End. But it’s something. So people people arguing will make it seem like there’s positively nothing available to them, and that’s not true. Yes we all want more, we all want to see the theatre we missed out on and especially new modern works. And it would be great if producers &c were more forthcoming and forward-thinking about making recordings available at some point, especially for shows that close early. But wanting that to happen isn’t sufficient reason to jump in and fill in the problem with your own solutions, especially when that ‘solution’ is something that everyone involved in this thing you profess to ‘love’, despises.
Maybe, we can hope, that the success and popularity of online recordings will lead to more when things get back to normal. But you aren’t going to get there this way. It’s really quite mind-boggling how growing up with the internet, with everything available to access instantly, has given younger generations this ill-conceived notion of entitlement to every sort of content. The psychology of that is super interesting, and something I’d love to learn more about, but alas, I am not an expert here to school you on that. You know what I *am* an expert in? IP LAW. STOP BREAKING THE LAW, ASSHOLES.
So here is a partial list of all the theatre content we have watched legally recently. I want to emphasize that this is a partial list. I’m not including shows I really disliked because that would just be rude, and I’m not including things lots of you probably watched like last week’s Cats livestream because I thought I had more time (I really dislike that ALW’s drops are only 24 hours in the UK, but 48 for the rest of the world. I HIGHLY DISLIKE THAT THAT RULE CAUSED ME TO MISS THAT SHOW BUT OH WELL, I AM NOT ENTITLED TO SEE THAT JUST BECAUSE I WOULD LIKE TO.) Anyway, my point is, there is SO MUCH to watch. I have a to-watch list a mile long. Tell me again how there’s just nooo way to see anything good legally??
- Into the Woods – The original Broadway production (well with a replacement Cinderella (who is fabulous)) is on YouTube. I KNOW. The more I watch this show, the more I impressed I am. It has some of the most genius lyrics that are also incredibly efficient, like my favorite “careful the things you wish/wishes come true/not free.” THAT’S THE WHOLE THING, wishes are not free. Ugh this show is so good.
- Sunday in the Park with George – The original Broadway production, also on YouTube, was shown on PBS decades ago. I remember my mom, obsessed with Mandy Patinkin, watched it in awe and I was like in single digits but remember watching with her and being like ‘oh theatre is magic, I get it, I’m gonna love this shit’. This show is my happy place, and I watched it a lot while I was stuck in bed. I think ‘Move On’ is my favorite Sondheim song. So deep and so moving and oh my god the choice may have been mistaken the choosing was not??? FUCK ME UP FAM.
- Cyprus Avenue – Speaking of stuff that forking destroys you, this 2016 play starring Stephen Rea did just that but not in a good way. It tricks you into thinking it’s funny but then nooope it is beyond harrowing. Really well done and really effective but my god, I was messed up for days.
- I and You – This production with Maisie Williams at the Hampstead Theatre was not my favorite; in fact, I despised her character with every fiber of my being, so annoying. But the ending was pretty interesting, even if it loses some of it’s power from the coincidence that Maisie’s Game of Thrones castmate did a romcom last year with the exact same twist. Hey, hey that’s joincidence with a c.
- One Man, Two Guvnors – The National Theatre’s worldwide livestreams have been an very welcome addition to the quarantine online viewing, and this is definitely my favorite. We saw this show, with pre-USA-famous James Corden, on Broadway, so to see the London production (the same cast, I believe) was a treat. It’s always fun to note what the two different audiences laugh at. Oliver Chris’s pompous posh boy was one of the funniest performances I have ever, ever seen, and we are still quoting him all the time, yop, yop, yop. It’s almost sad to realize that the hummus bit wasn’t unique to our performance, but THANK GOD the audience member who gets absolutely tortured was in on it.
- Jesus Christ Superstar – ALW’s weekly show drops have been a lot of fun because he is forking insane. His catalogue is as random as my symptom squirrel, but I love it. This one was a great weekend afternoon treat, with a fantastic performance from Tim Minchin as Judas. The music in this show is largely great and fun, and this production’s extra rock concert vibe and setting worked.
- Pride & Prejudice the Musical – This new musical, recording in a regional theatre in California, was SO fun. I absolutely love P&P (who doesn’t) and this was a very pleasant and enjoyable version, although I wish the songs were more memorable. We watched the full 100 hour Colin Firth miniseries soon after, so worth it, although I think I prefer the Keira movie!
- Jane Eyre – Okay so this play from the National is long, but it is very effective. I hated the horse noise interludes, but that is in large part due to how absolutely horrendous the sound quality on YouTube is, with the dialogue being too quiet but the horse noises shaking our walls. I found the lead performance very moving and wonderful.
- Bandstand – The Playbill.com paid release of this exquisite 2016 Broadway show solidified that it’s one of my favorites, even though it makes me cry literally the entire time. You can search ‘bandstand’ at the top of this page to read my review from back then so I won’t go into all the details now, but man alive it is perfection. HOT DAM COREY COTT. Why this was a short-term release is beyond me, especially if it’s paid, just keep making that bank guys and leave it up.
- Beardo – Okay so we ABSOLUTELY ADORE Dave Malloy, especially when his work is super weird (always), but this was probably his weirdest show yet. It was enjoyable and the music my god I LOVE that he has such a recognizable sound. But it was so f-ing weird.
- Drawing the Line – This play from the Hampstead Theatre about how India and Pakistan were divided by British buffoons was interesting, if not my favorite or the most exciting show.
- Phantom of the Opera – ALW dropped the Sierra Boggess – Ramin Karimloo version, and Sierra is my favorite Christine so I was happy that his was husbo’s first full-length exposure to this BONKERS show. I love it. The music is so good and the story is so batshit, god ALW you one crazy mufucka.
- Love Never Dies – I had heard that this sequel to Phantom was bonkerballs as well, and it was not. It was actually quite tame compared to the original, with only one generally memorale/good song. I enjoyed it, actually, but I wanted more batshit besides how awful they made Raoul. It is quite an accomplishment, however, that they made him so bad that you actually root for Christine to be with the crazy deformed murderer guy, did everyone forget that he was a murderer?
- The Arrest of Ai Weiwei – this was ANXIETY ON A STICK, jfc. The Chinese government, woof. I guess that means it was hella effective and successful.
- Frankenstein (Jonny Lee Miller as the Creature) – I love that the National released both version of this acclaimed production, with JLM and Bandersnatch Cummerbund switching roles of the doctor and his creature. This was some heavy, dark shit, and wow, it was AMAZING. I loved JLM as the creature because he was so sympathetic and even though he pulls a Phantom and starts a-murdering, you feel for him. (Thanks Cadry for that tip!)
- By Jeeves – This was hilariously painful, ALDubs. Not even Donna Lynne Champlin saved this for me. However, I’m sharing it because if you are a) British or b) a fan at all of PG Wodehouse, you will enjoy this. I am technically #a but not really, and apparently defffffinitely not #b.
- Sea Wall -This 30 minute monologue written for and performed by Andrew Scott is on YouTube if you want to get tricked into thinking it’s fun to watch the Hot Priest do something new to you but then somehow start bawling and feeling sick with grief for a fictional person, so.
- Legally Blonde – Back when MTV did the reality show “The Search for Elle Woods” (inferior to the amazing “Legally Brown” search for the new piragua guy) to find the Broadway cast’s new star, they shared this proshot of the original production, which is on YouTube. It is such a fun show, with the BEST opening number (hello Annaleigh Ashford you queen). However, be warned that the MTV audience was very much the precursor to the NBC/ABC live musical event audiences where the producers aparrently tell them ‘just scream and shout and wooo as much as you possible can! it’ll be great!’ it is not great.
- Shrek – The proshot of the original Broadway production is on Netflix for most of the world, but luckily for those of us in the UK, it’s also on Amazon to rent for £3.49. One of the most surprising shows with a wonderful score, Shrek will fill you with joy and make you cry at how moving Brian D’arcy James is and how jealous even Eugene Levy would be of his eyebrows.
- Oh, Hello – This may be the most I ever paid for a show in person (and we took my brother too, and it was the hardest we’ve ever laughed maybe, oh my god they are geniuses) but I still am giddy over getting this free on Netflix (well free after Netflix costs). Jon Mulaney and Nick Kroll are sick geniuses. I’ve been listening to their new Oh, Hello p’dcast where they…talk about Princess Diana and it is just as ridic and hilarious as it sounds, I adore them.
- Newsies – Available to rent on Amazon, this recording of the original Broadway cast is a joy. You get Jeremy Jordan and you get the most gymnastic choreography Broadway maybe ever saw, what more could you want? I saw this standing room, so this is one online experience I think I prefer (sooo funny to be like ‘ow my feet and back hurt’ when you are watching boys do like, 1000 backflips on newspapers).
- West Side Story – The classic movie version, the absolute best, is on Netflix. I still cry a whole forking lot it’s so damn wonderful.
- South Pacific – The 1958 movie was on TV here on my birthday! What a treat! It’s also on Amazon! Mitzi Gaynor is no Kelli O’Hara but it’s still pretty great!
- Hello, Dolly! – The Barbra Streisand version is on Amazon people. Helloooooo Dolly welcome into my hoooooome Dolly.
- Oklahoma! – we saw the new dark Broadway production last year and fell head over heels for it, it was so flipping amazing. This original movie is much lighter but a great watch, on Amazon.
- Pippin – The original Broadway production from 1981 is on Amazon, what are you EVEN DOING if you aren’t watching it.
- Eugenius – This sweet and clever London musical about a teen who writes comics about superheroes is on YouTube. I really enjoyed this show in London and I’m so glad they are making it available online. So fun!
- Passing Strange – On YouTube to buy or rent, this Broadway show from Stew was compelling and unique. I don’t think I appreciated it when I saw it live, so it’s a treat to reexamine and reexperience it.
- Miss Saigon -The 2016 West End 25th Anniversary Gala performance is on Amazon, with Eva Noblezada as Kim. She is. Forking. Amazing.
- 21 Chump Street – a 20 minute musical written by Lin-Manuel? Yes please. Free on YouTube and worth the extremely short time commitment, even if you will be angry because ACAB.
- Take Me to the World: Sondheim’s 90th Birthday Celebration – I have watched this YouTube tribute at least 500 times in the past few weeks. I wasn’t even a huge fan of Melissa Errico or Elizabeth Stanley before but after hearing their versions of “Children and Art” and “The Miller’s Son”, respectively, I would kill for them.
- Smash Reunion Concert – I’m sure I will watch this one 500x as well. Here’s the link!
A lot of these were available for years before the pandemic. There are dozens of productions out there, at least. Many more than most people get to see live in their lifetimes. Tell me again how there’s nothing??
I’ve also watched 10 or so full Tony Awards broadcasts from the previous century, it’s so fun. Audra still dominates, what a ledge. They used to wait to applaud each announced nominee until all 4-5 were announced, SO POLITE. But that stopped about the same time they started playing off every speech after only 8 seconds. It’s really fun to watch how the awards show changed, from a calm polite event with little intro speeches from like Bernadette to the raucous energy parades of like NPH jumping through a hoop while singing. LOVES IT.
I’ve obviously watched even more television and movie content, which I will share in a separate post since this, as per my uzh, is Quite Long. What have you watched? I want to know! I want to talk about theatreeee it’s my favorite thing to do! Is there anything on my list that you didn’t know about and are going to watch? dooo itttt.
P90X3 Review: Week 1 – Boys & Girls, Buy My Products! Oh You Already Did?
If you can’t tell by the title of this post, I’m a bit peeved. Tony Horton has gone even crazier than he was before.
After hearing that “bum-ba-bum-ba-bum-bum BEACHBODY” title ditty nearly every day for the last five years, I was/am excited to try the fitness empire’s newest offering: P90X3. It will be very trying to give up my favorite workout, Insanity!, for 3 months, but I am curious to see if X3 really can provide the power plays of the original P90X in half the time. (God those P90X strength hours were boooooring. Thank goodness for Bobby Stevenson and Daniel Haas. And, of course, Pam the Blam, who I want to be president.) I decided to review X3 here to keep me motivated. In doing the newest X workout, I hope that 1) I will be able to do all kinds of creative pull-ups by the end, and many of them, and 2) I’ll restart Insanity! for the bazillionth time after finishing and do better than ever. (I’ll review that one too, when we get there.)
After hearing that “bum-ba-bum-ba-bum-bum BEACHBODY” title ditty nearly every day for the last five years, I was/am excited to try the fitness empire’s newest offering: P90X3. It will be very trying to give up my favorite workout, Insanity!, for 3 months, but I am curious to see if X3 really can provide the power plays of the original P90X in half the time. (God those P90X strength hours were boooooring. Thank goodness for Bobby Stevenson and Daniel Haas. And, of course, Pam the Blam, who I want to be president.) I decided to review X3 here to keep me motivated. In doing the newest X workout, I hope that 1) I will be able to do all kinds of creative pull-ups by the end, and many of them, and 2) I’ll restart Insanity! for the bazillionth time after finishing and do better than ever. (I’ll review that one too, when we get there.)
But after finishing Week 1, do you know what I’ve accomplished? I’ve been able to hold my shit together enough to not throw the 5-pound weight at the TV as Tony repeatedly and continuously reviews the selling points of X3 and mocks people who go to the gym instead. It bears repeating – he wastes most of his airtime trying to sell a system that the people watching HAVE ALREADY BOUGHT. It’s nigh infuriating. Has he lost his mind? Does he not realize what he’s doing? Does he not realize how annoying it is, or that many people, including yours truly, cannot harness the power of Thor and work out at her best when she is so annoyed?
It’s not all bad. Some of the workouts actually do provide a great workout in only 30 minutes. Some of them suck. Let’s review week 1!
It’s not all bad. Some of the workouts actually do provide a great workout in only 30 minutes. Some of them suck. Let’s review week 1!
Day 1: Total Synergistics
Kind of mad about this workout! During this mixture of strength moves, I didn’t break a sweat – and that is not a comment about how I’m so in shape or anything like that. It’s just slow and sparse with moves (yet it felt longer than my usual actually longer workouts). I hope that it is easier to balance out what is coming tomorrow, but I can’t help feeling cheated out of a workout today.
A few things:
- Cold Start, the 12-minute warm-up to add when it’s extra cold out, or when you are extra tight, is on every DVD. It’s not a separate DVD. This would have been helpful to know before starting, because I wasted 20 minutes looking for it and searching for “I didn’t get Cold Start DVD in my X3 package!” tweets.
- The Branon Boat is my favorite move from this. It’s a difficult ab move that I can pretty much do, but not easily, and I can tell that with practice I will improve. That’s how the exercises should be.
- Crawly Push Ups were fun, but they weren’t enough to make up for the lackluster push-up presence.
As for the backup team, Dreya is back! But she is a shadow of her former self, and it made me sad. She can still kick some serious ass, but she no longer has an ass. :/
Day 2: Agility X
This was a much better workout than Total Synergistics, but it’s not even as good as Plyo X from regular P90X. Again, it just felt like half of that workout, not a more intense version.
So, this workout requires that you tape up your floor so you have exact points to aim for while you jump and run. I like that in theory, but in practice it sucks. Who has floors equipped for this? My tape slipped all over.
This workout has the famous plyo push-ups that we saw in the teaser trailer, and they are amazingly fun. I took it easy and didn’t go very high off the ground, because I like having the use of my wrists. How is this move harder than the power push-ups in Insanity, when you jump to your feet? It doesn’t make sense. But it is. Nice move!
All the running along the tapes seemed very silly. It would have been great to do during the warm-up, but it seemed lame to be the crux of the workout. In contrast, the jumping from X to X on one leg was a solid, difficult move. Approved!
The last 5 minutes of this video is the main reason for my annoyance at Tony. For way too long, he pretends to be a guy going to the gym, needing to change out of his suit from work, and using the elliptical machine and not getting good results, etc. Basically, 5 minutes of preaching to the choir that ‘this is the way to exercise’. Like, WE ALREADY BOUGHT THIS. What the hell is his point? It is actually revoltingly annoying.
It’s not helped by Tony’s repeated suggestions that one of the backup team members, Lauren, ‘Beyonce-ify’ everything. What the hell. It’s really annoying. Between the Beyoncification and Tony’s sales pitch, I dread doing this workout again.
Day 3: Yoga X3
Hot damn. Ok. So I know from the forums that Yoga X, the 90-minute Yoga from P90X, is one of the most polarizing issues since Anne Hathaway. So many people despise it. I adore it. I’ve continued doing it regularly even though I haven’t done the rest of X in years (save for ARX, because it’s the best). Needless to say, I had high hopes for this supposedly more intense version.
Instead of doing Yoga X3, I suggest that you do the first 40 minutes of the original Yoga X. Or really any yoga video marked intermediate or above. X3 is boring and barely made my muscles twitch. Yes, many of the positions are difficult, but you are only holding them for a few beats, not long enough to make a dent. It’s maybe worth doing once to see the man in the backup team, who is one of the most impressive yogis I’ve ever had the privilege of watching. Man alive! Or you can use it as a rest day video, as I might. But it’s not nearly strong enough to use on a full, hard workout day. So disappointing.
Day 4: CVX
Now we’re talking! This cardio workout pushed me the hardest yet, finally. It contains familiar cardio moves, some easier than others, but you do the entire thing holding a weight (or a ball). I used a 5-pound weight, and I was struggling by the end. I loved it. Now this is what a 30-minute workout should look like. It’s not impossible, but you feel like you actually broke a sweat. You might need a break, but you don’t feel silly taking it or like you are wasting precious time. Phew. Finally, a plus in the ‘pro’ column. I look forward to doing this workout again.
Day 5: The Challenge
This is one of those days when I wished I had time to do some cardio first, but I was counting on the video to provide a well-rounded workout. Although it doesn’t give any cardio, it is a solid strength workout, alternating entirely between pull-ups and push-ups, pull-ups and push-ups, until you can’t use your arms anymore. I quite enjoyed it, even though I still can’t do unassisted pull-ups. (Remember – if I don’t return it – that this is my major goal with using this system!) My upper body is super sore (in a good way…except for my neck, which is twingey), and I don’t feel like I wasted my exercise time.
I recommend, as I did, doing jumping jacks or running in place between each move. Otherwise, it’s too stationary. Also, the light cardio helps to loosen up your quickly dying upper body muscles.
You might be thinking, ‘it doesn’t seem like a good enough workout to get your approval after how harsh you are being.’ And you’re right. It’s just decent, but you know what pushes it over the edge? BOBBY STEVENSON! My aforementioned 3rd favorite part of P90X is back! He’s like 20 years older, gray, and the spitting image of Bill Nye the Science Guy, but I’m so glad my old friend is back.
Day 6: The Warrior
Yes! Now, this is the workout P90X3 promised to provide. Finally. Tony said (several times) that he brings this mix of push-up challenges and squat challenges to military bases around the world. It was a solid, difficult combination of isometric holds and explosive movements. My favorite move was the elevator push-up, when you start in plank and lower to push-up position and all ranges in between upon Tony’s call of floor levels (like, Floor 1 is down as far as you can, Floor 2 is a bit higher, &c.). That is really hard to maintain! It’s overall a great combo workout that I look forward to doing again. However, I’m glad I did a little warm-up on the treadmill to start, because it’s definitely more strength than cardio. If my time permits, I would do a good 10 minutes of extra warming up.
On that note, it seems that the determination to make each workout about 30 minutes resulted in very awkward cuts, rather than solid planning. The warm-ups and stretches are virtually nonexistent. To be safe, you should probably warm-up and stretch on your own, or at the very least do Cold Start (which is a semi-decent way to get blood-flowing). Obviously, this throws the whole dramatic selling point of ’30 minutes!!!’ out the window. In workouts like Total Synergistics and Yoga X3, the cutting resulted in very disjointed, meager plans that don’t provide cohesive workouts, let alone make you sweat.
A few videos this week were great, and I hope that the remaining videos are even better. So far, I’m not sold, but I’m not giving up yet. I’ll be back next week reviewing either week 2…or week 4. I haven’t decided whether to skip ahead to check the different videos out before the 30-day return period is up. Eek. Not a great start Tony! I know only two things that will fix this — much harder, more intense videos to come…or Pam the Blam!
2 Comments
Chloe….check
Zara………….check
😢😢😢😢😢west side story … why
Agree with all 3
Thank you for bringing attention to uncomfortable things and thoughtfully passing along information!!