Does My Bomb Look Big in This? Fantastic, Riveting Work at the Sohoby Randi / June 6, 2019The Tony Awards are Sunday! Here’s What Should Happen
It’s the mooost wonderful tiiiime of the year! It’s Tony season! Well I guess it’s been Tony season; now it’s TONY WEEKEND! How pumped are you? How are you talking about anything else? The big Federer-Nadal match is over, no one is seeing Dark Phoenix, and the world is still going to shit so there is nothing more to do but sit back, relax, and let the joy of Tony Weekend wash all over you.
Until Monday morning, when we piss and moan about all the injustice of amazing performers losing arbitrary awards to equally amazing performers and all of them getting to do the best job on the planet, so unfair.
So what will I be pissing and moaning about in particular on Monday morning? A lot of things! Mainly, that here in the UK I can’t watch it live, but also that a few of my favorite performances probably won’t be rewarded; that Scott Rudin will add to his vast collection of trophies even though he’s a big dumb bully; and that Tony voters should have to see all the nominees in order to be Tony voters (you have one job; if you don’t want it, give it to me plz).
If Tony knows what’s good for her (yes, Tony is a girl!), she’ll do her level best to keep a few of those predicted complaints from happening, but most importantly she’ll put on one hell of a show and, with James Corden’s help, demonstrate to the Emmys, the Grammys, and the Oscars most years how to do awards shows right. Mostly, as long as Tony Toni Tone sticks to the whole underworld theme of the best shows this season (Hadestown is obvs about Hades and the underworld, and The Ferryman title refers to Hades’s ferryman Charon who rows the newly dead souls across the river Styx and into the underworld. POSS CROSSOVER EVENT?), things will be good.
I’ve already rambled on about the nominations and who should have been nominated (so read that post first if you haven’t already), so this one will be purely about the actual nominees.
Let’s start with the most important, since we all know these posts tend to go on and some of you never make it to the end. Yeah I see you! We’ll do all 3 big musical categories, the biggie plus score and book. Hadestown, as I’ve been saying since last year, is the best musical by far. It’s the only solidly great one, too, but even if it had great competition I can’t see anything surpassing it in terms of quality, uniqueness, and emotional depth. Most of its magic comes from Anais Mitchell’s incredible score, like nothing we’ve heard before, especially not on Broadway, which should absolutely win as well. A lot of voters want to award the good-hearted social message of The Prom for Best Musical, and while I understand that, there should be zero doubt about voting for Hadestown for Best Score.
And although it seems the vast majority of people still don’t understand what a book of a musical is, Mitchell’s flawless structure and creative twist on classic myths to tell this old-but-new kind of story should win Best Book as well. Tootsie will, because it has the most jokes, and that’s what people usually think of in terms of book: the script and how enjoyable it is. But it also has to do with the overall story and its structure and how it is told, and Hades tops the charts for all of that. Still, as long as Hadestown wins Best Musical and Score, all will be right.
While the current, feel-good-about-being-a-good-person musical The Prom is the closest competition, everyone absolute adores Ain’t Too Proud, which I can see being the real surprise, if such a surprise as Hadestown not winning Best Musical were to happen, but that would be some real bullshirt (it losing, not ATP winning). Oh and Beetlejuice isn’t winning shit; someone tell Warner Bros. they need a new head of their theatrical division (*cough* me *cough*).
Seriously watch this and tell me I’m wrong about this music. (And about the actors who should win.)
For those of us still salty over Chavkin’s loss for Great Comet, it’s not so much a wish that she wins now to make up for that as it is a wish that her directorial genius is finally rewarded for something equally astonishing. But the race is on between her and Daniel Fish, whose Oklahoma! is a complete and relevant reimagining of the dusty classic. But that one is divisive among all crowds, Tony voters included, and since it is going to win Best Revival of a Musical (a sure thing over the ya-basic Kiss Me, Kate), perhaps they will deem Fish’s (feeshees) work recognized enough with that. I hope so because I’d be front row center with a giant foam finger that says ‘CHAVKIN’ if I could.
Now that I’ve seen Gary, I have…still not seen all of them. But I can’t imagine anything taking this from the once-in-a-decade, sweeping, epic masterpiece The Ferryman. And nothing should. The Ferryman proves that it’s not about how long shows are (3+ hours); it’s about what you do with that time. I’ve seen other shows longer than 3 hours that barely accomplished anything and some 80-minute ones that were perfect. But this one, hoo boy, it told a full-blooded epic family and historical drama in one night and it was like reading a phenomenal book, so ingenious and well done.
This is Stephanie J. Block’s for shooo but I haven’t seen The Cher Show because the one weekend I had a free theatre slot, she was on vacation and I am not seeing that show without her. Anyway, I’m sure she’s amazing and I love her and all. It’s hard for me not to root for my queen (Kelli) but she is miscast in Kate. I’m personally still gutted by Eva’s performance (I told you I’d be raving about Hadestown this entire post/for my life, didn’t I? if I didn’t well I just did guys). But it’s the promenaders who pose the only real threat to SJB. Well one of them, Beth Leavel, who is also beloved in the community and has put in her time and is also giving a great performance. She is probably the #2 vote getter but if you ain’t first yer last, and SJB is first this season.
While I love all of the men on this list, this has to go to my OG (that stands for Original Greg), Santino. I guess it’s all down to whether he wants it or not, because we all know he could win one if he wanted to. (That’s a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend reference, for those of you still not living your best life.) Granted I am not seeing big ole Toots for two more weeks (don’t you DARE go on vacation OG) but it’s the kind of big, showy, entire-production-carrying role that does not leave its cross-dressing star empty-handed, especially when he does the impossible and stops audiences from comparing him to Dustin Hoffman. (The TBD star of the new Mrs. Doubtfire musical can only pray for the same result.) While all the nominees are such great ones, it seems Brooks Ashmanskas not only has the best name but also poses the biggest threat of an upset here, as the most likely win for The Prom (and, in my view, backpay for Martin Short’s 2006 Broadway variety show, still one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen). Although a huge part of me wants Lin-Manuel Miranda to one day be the presenter that awards Derrick Baskin his Tony, just so Derrick can reprise his greatest line of all time: “Well, well, well. If it isn’t Lin-Man-well, well, well”, this is almost surely Santino’s and it’s honestly the least Broadway could do for his returning to the Great White Way and thus incurring the wrath of Rachel Bloom.
What a terrible category for voters! All of these performances are truly deserving and would win in other years. Both Paddy and Bryan won Oliviers for these same roles, but Bryan will prevail here. He already won the best award of the year, the Drama League Distinguished Performance that goes to just one actor, across roles of all size and gender and musicality (as in, whether it has it or not) (I’m trying to say that plays and musicals are combined). It would be a shock if he doesn’t win this, but not like so sad because he is swimming in awards and we all like socialism now, right?
Six incredible actresses to choose from (and yet no Glenda Jackson, so weird right?) seems like a hard task but this is the biggest slam dunk of the night, the one with the most consensus – it’s Elaine May’s. She plays someone with Alzheimer’s which seems like this decade’s version of Ricky Gervais’s hundo p secret to winning an Oscar (doing a Holocaust movie), and so given that Ricky is the latest out-of-touch white man to be CANCELLED, it seems totes approps that that should change to this, especially given that May’s performance is what some Tony voters said (anonymously) was the best performance of any sort they’d literally ever seen.
This one is the one I am going to be most dismayed by, except not even ‘dismayed’ just like ‘oh that’s not who I would have voted for but still great, still great’ so…so that’s nothing, right. It’s neck and neck between Amber Gray and Ali Stroker, the two it should be neck and neck between. So they are both totally deserving but my vote would be for Amber because I am obbbbsesssssed with her Persephone and not just because my first acting gig was playing Persephone’s best friend who sees her get abducted by Hades (my big line: “Come ON, Persephone! We’ll never get to the beach if you stop to look at every flower!” and then Hades comes up from underground and snatches her away and I’m like “but the beach!” I was 8 years old I think.) So like Persephone is a part of me, you know??? And Amber is doing something so original (as she always does) and turning Persephone after many years of this nonsense into a quirky, sort of pissed off yet beloved queen and straight KILLIN it (as she always does) and her performance is so forking touching so I just really want her to win and also she is pumping during intermission every night because she has an infant and that is BALLER. But Ali is amazing and I’m so happy there is a place for her forever on Broadway now so like whatever they’re all great just everyone be happy and have fun I guess. I am going to the beach next week so that’s p cool.
THIS is the category that makes me happiest to not be a Tony voter this year, honestly, because I CANNOT choose between Andre and Patrick. It’s between the two Hadestown men, for sure, which scares me because a) they’re both so phenomental (that was a typo originally but I’m going to keep it because it is mental how phenomenal they are so yeah) and b) I’m nervous that the votes will cancel each other out and open the way for one of the others, which like fine they are all great and wonderful but it has to be Patrick or Andre. I think Andre gets it by the skin of his sweet potatoes, which sounds like a phrase that means something but I’m just remembering how at stage door he was eating sweet potatoes and we talked about healthy food and how important it is for him to nourish his body properly so it keeps functioning at peak human like it is in the show. Anyway, I love him and he’s my best good friend.
For the other categories: For featured actress in a play, Celia Keenan-Bolger is finally going to win the Tony everyone thought she was going to win for The Glass Menagerie, which is great because she is just the best. For featured actor, I’m rooting for Robin de Jesus because 1) he’s cool enough to make his twitter handle ‘Robin the Jesus’ which I laugh about at least once a week, and 2) I just love him and he’s SO good and should be in more stuff.
As for the show, I’m sure James Corden will do a nice job and do some big musical opener that lets him live all our dreams while he comes very close to tears and it will be big-hearted and joyous but not as shockingly impressive as NPH’s opening “Bigger” was because nothing could ever top that, ever. I’m sure some musical nominees will choose to do medleys, which like have you not learned how much medleys suck yet? I hope that Hadestown chooses to do “Why We Build a Wall” to make a killer political statement, but I don’t think it will, even though like, we have 30 years left tops, when if not now?
Most of all, I hope everyone reading this watches this year! They need to increase their ratings! Do your part and ensure that all the kids in podunk middles-of-nowhere see people like them exist! Enjoy!
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It’s Olivier Awards Weekend! Predictions, Thoughts, Rants, Jazz Hands
Just kidding there are no jazz hands in here, unless you just imagine me doing them but then how would I be typing? The Olivier Awards, the most bonkers awards show in the world (yes even crazier than the Golden Globes, if you can believe it) are this Sunday, April 7, and even though I have rage bubbling inside me, RAGE, about all aspects of the Oliviers (not least of all the fact that this is the one award show I can watch on TV in the UK?? no Tonys, no Oscars, but this? (and they don’t even let the TV audience see the whole thing OR see it live! They make a supercut and air it after the fact BRITS GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER STAY IN THE EU AND DO AWARD SHOWS BETTER)) (also the Mastercard sponsorship visibility is excessive and obnoxious), they are still an award show honoring musical theatre, I mean, you’re doing my two favorite things guys I’m still EXCITED even though I’m ANGRY, okay? It’s like Amy Adams’ anger in “Enchanted” when she is excited about being angry. “Oh! I’m angry! ha ha! I’m angry!” You know? You don’t know!
Why am I such a nonfan of the Olivier Awards? Why am I experiencing some serious agita and going through my stash of Rennie all week (nb: that’s British for Tums)? How on earth could anyone in their right mind say they are crazier than the Golden Globes? Because they are, Mitch. One peeve with the Oliviers is that they loves, LOVES, them some group nominations when they aren’t really appropriate. Group nominations are okay when it’s children rotating in the same part: the four Matildas, the three Billies Elliot. They are not the right move when voters simply can’t or SHANT choose between cast members that are all doing a good job. Guys, I don’t know if you know this, but they’re all supposed to do a good job, that’s literally their job. And your one job, you insane voters, is to CHOOSE. MAKE A G-D CHOICE! Oh it’s too hard for your pale British sensibilities? IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE HARD! THAT MEANS PEOPLE ARE DOING GOOD WORK IN YOUR THEATRES! In recent years, Olivier voters have literally nominated ENTIRE CASTS into ONE slot instead of choosing among them. They’ve done so this year with the three lead actors in The Lehman Trilogy – all playing different roles, this is not a child-rotating sitch – and with all six of Henry VIII’s wives in the musical Six, all put into one supporting actress slot. Not only is that not fair to the other competitors (who wants to compete against an entire cast?), it’s the same as giving a participation trophy. They’d all deserve a nomination in their own right, of course. These are all incredible performers and I’d have trouble deciding who to nominate among them. But that’s the point of an awards show, to choose the best of the best. lol like that’s what voters ever do.
My other biggest gripe with the Oliviers is my same problem with most award shows: they’re hella wrong all the time and I can’t punch them in the face about it. Oh also the aforementioned refusal to air the telecast live on BBC, choosing instead to show a ‘highlights’ reel hours later. First of all, how dare you.
The indisputable biggest problem of this particular year, hoo boy, is that we’re just going to pretend that Hadestown, the best musical of the year, the best musical on Broadway this season likely to win the Tony, and one of the best musicals in years period, wasn’t eligible for the Oliviers, because if we recognize that it was eligible and the voters just completely overlooked it, I might explode. Honestly get some new voters; they are obviously incompetent. Okay so we are all in agreement that Hadestown wasn’t eligible because that’s the only way we can get through this, right, because otherwise they would have swept every category? Right, good. Let’s do this infuriating nonsense!
This one isn’t even a question; it’s The Inheritance by a mile. Or by more than 7 hours of amazingness, as this play is an epic in every sense of the word but not least because it’s a two-parter of almost four hours each part. And I loved all of it! The exquisite Part 1 on its own would still be the best new play of this year and probably most years, but together with Part 2, The Inheritance is one of the most important, impressive, emotionally taxing shows ever. I can’t wait for it to go to Broadway and get even more acclaim. The only other new play I’d love to be in this category is the great Home, I’m Darling, which, because it’s funny, is nominated in the separate Best New Comedy category, which is another reason why I hate the Oliviers. I mean I’m glad it has a better chance to win in that one but still, comedies are plays too, guys. So classist.
THIS SOME BULLSHIT, HEAR ME? Poor Kyle Soller, gave the best performance by a longshot but will lose to either Ian McKellen (because it’s Ian McKellen and doing King Lear at that, a pairing that’s like the theatre version of Ricky Gervais telling Kate Winslet on ‘Extras’ how in order to win an Oscar she should do a Holocaust role (which she did because she did)), or to the triumvirate that shouldn’t be of Adam Godley, Ben Miles, and Simon Russell Beale all nominated in one slot. All five men are doing excellent work (and should be the five nominees total ok you get it) but Kyle’s performance was the most human, touching, and with over 7 hours of material, difficult. Shouldn’t that give him the edge? I wish.
Oh and one more reason to hate the Oliviers this year a bit extra: Kyle is the only actor from The Inheritance nominated, out of a cast of all incredible performances. I’m not going to write separately about supporting actor in a play because I’m too furious, but how Andrew Burnap wasn’t nominated for his Toby Darling when I would have bet the world on his win is beyond me, let alone no Walter? No JBenj Hickey? What a mess.
I haven’t seen Summer and Smoke yet, which is a shame because I’ve heard that Patsy Ferran is the one to beat. I did see all the other nominees, though! Gillian Anderson should not be nominated for the pile of rotting garbage that was All About Eve. The other three though are all worthy competitors. Eileen Atkins was heartbreaking and vibrant in The Height of the Storm, Sophie Okonedo was crayballs and fire emoji power in Antony and Cleopatra, and Katherine Parkinson would have my vote for her wonderful starring role in Home, I’m Darling. Love her! Excited to see what happens here.
This one’s hard for me, a fight between my head and my heart. Caroline, or Change was not my cup of tea; in fact, I was quite disappointed in the story and score, though I can admit this production is doing a good job of presenting those subpar elements. I know, we all know, that the much-beloved, much-raved about, much-exalted gender-swapped and groundbreaking revival of Company is going to win and possibly sweep. But The King And I is better. The Broadway transfer lost a little of its magic as it crossed the pond, but it’s still a solid production of a great show. The Company revival, on the other hand, revealed all the weaknesses of that show. I get that it will (and should win) because it’s an important revisioning of an old property, but honestly I just did not enjoy it. And I saw it twice, convinced it was my fault. It wasn’t. It’s a very impressive show visually, but there’s no heart in that story, no matter what gender Bobby is. The more I think about what message it was trying to convey this time around, the more I want to throw up my hands and sigh petulantly.
But because Company is such an otherwise well received and yes important show this year, with yes groundbreaking changes, Marianne Elliot will probably also win for direction. Oh this is ANOTHER reason I hate the Oliviers – they combine all directors, of plays and musicals, into one category. What a way to show how little you value their work! Ashley’s direction was the one part I liked of Come From Away, and I understand why he won the Tony, and I would be okay with him winning here (if that was the only thing CFA won, of course. The only one it deserves). Although I would be voting for Daldry’s impeccable work on The Inheritance, I admit that Elliot’s win would be deserved. Her vision of a new Company is notable, even if I don’t like the finished product.
How forking STACKED is this category! I’d be okay with any one of these actresses winning. Well that’s not true; I’d be okay with Kelli (since she won’t win a Tony this year) or Adrienne (working harder than anyone ever has worked up on that stage) winning, yet I realize that it’s more likely for Rosalie or Sharon to win. I was so ready to be awed by the latter two, and while they were good, the flaws of their respective shows did them no justice in my eyes. I’m pretty sure it’s Rosalie’s award, but I’d be happier for my queen Kelli or the incredible Adrienne to win.
Whereas Best Actress in a musical is the tightest race, Best Actor in a Musical is the weakest. None of these stand out to me. I love Ken Watanabe’s King but I’d be shocked if he won. And out of all the many nominations Fun Home deserved, I’m beyond shocked that the one acting nod it received was for the weakest performance in the show. (Zubin was good, but it was the weakest. I’m shocked that Middle Allison wasn’t nominated.) This race will surprise me, I’m sure, but I think it’ll go to Suddenly Seymour.
Faaaack, I take back what I said about the strongest race being Best Actress in a musical. It’s definitely Best Supporting Actress. All of these are pretty worthy performances, even though one of them should have five fewer people in there. Oof. Okay, let’s start at the top. Patti LuPone is going to win, because everyone loves Patti. I love Patti too, but I think her Joanne is her least inspired performance to date. It felt like pandering for cheap laughs to her devoted audience that would cheer for her even if she slapped their grandmothers. Ruthie, my god I love Ruthie and would love this win for her, but she didn’t actually perform on the show’s official opening night (she had an alternate), so some bozos are salty that she even got nominated, which stinks, because she is so lovely in this role. Rachel Tucker gets to perform the one great song in Come From Away and she does incredible things with it, but she’s one of a superbly hard-working ensemble that all play numerous characters, and they don’t really get the chance to make an impression as any of the characters, too busy running around and changing hats. And then we have six actresses from Six sharing the last nomination, which by now you know how ridiculous I find that. Yes, they were all great in a spectacular show, but it’s not that hard to pick the best of them. Why can’t voters vote for their favorite and see what happens? I could have helped them narrow the field to the very best: it’s Katherine Howard, played by Aimee Atkinson. She has the best song and forking kills it beyond belief. She is spectacular and deserved to get an nomination in her own right.
This is the only category that’s a lock: It’s Jonathan Bailey in Company, the first man to play Jamie and sing about how he’s Not Getting Married Today. He was the main reason I was almost happy to see the show again, with a performance that’s the definition of award-worthy. He’s hilarious, riveting, magnetic, and did I say hilarious? I hope he performs on the telecast. The best part of the show.
All the other critics and audiences are loving Come From Away, and even though I don’t think it’s actually great, the show as a whole is moving and that tricks people into thinking all its parts are of great quality. I get that, but there’s no excuse for thinking the music is the best of this bunch. That honor belongs to Fun Home, who should win for its elegant, sophisticated, deeply felt score about a real family and all the intimate thoughts and memories that come with that. If Fun Home can’t win, the honor should go to Six, for some of the catchiest, most riotously fun and clever music to come out of British musical theatre. I’ll be pissed if Come From Away wins for its mediocre score. The other two nominees are plays!! No surer sign of a dip in musical theatre quality than when plays are nominated for score. (I mean unless they are absolutely incredible play scores but I don’t even remember the music from The Inheritance.)
All the momentum and good will (however misplaced I feel it is) belongs to Come From Away, no matter how wrong I hope I am. Maybe Fun Home would have had a better chance if it didn’t end all the way back in September, but regardless of when it played, it deserved to win. I’m sad that it won’t. I’d be happy with Six winning, even though it is not a fully-fledged book musical and more of a fun rock concert. Everyone enjoys Tina but, like most jukebox musicals, it has a weak book. I will be surprised if CFA doesn’t win, but I will be happy.
What kinds of crap do you think will go down on Sunday? Will the voters ever live down their shame for ignoring Hadestown? Will someone with no ties to NYC talk about 9/11? Will Patti LuPone talk so long that they try to play her off and she tells them to can it? My guesses are no, yes, and hell yes.
Aspects of Love at the Southwark Playhouse: A.L. DUBS YOU GOT SOME SPLAININ TO DO!!!!
It’s Theatre Thursday! Today we are talking about the new revival of Aspects of Love at London’s Southwark Playhouse, on until February 9. Run, don’t walk, to miss it.
Certain demons down at Bad Place headquarters are waiting for the creators of “Aspects of Love” – Andrew Lloyd Webber, Charles Hart, and Don Black – to join them in their circus of torture, and have been ever since the show was written in 1989 (based on a novella by David Garnett). They will move into the neighborhood where Jared from Subway is heading, along with the guy who created Girls Gone Wild. They’ll all fit together nicely. And into their little torture neighborhood, we will add whoever though it was a good idea to revive this monstrosity of a show at the Southwark Playhouse this season. A rare miss from a theatre whose work we usually adore, “Aspects of Love” is an affront to decent humans. Sure, we are realizing with each passing day that there are fewer and fewer decent humans among us in this brave new world of ours, but that doesn’t excuse this portrayal of domestic abuse, misogyny, incest and more as normal, or worse, as anything remotely resembling love.
Certain demons down at Bad Place headquarters are waiting for the creators of “Aspects of Love” – Andrew Lloyd Webber, Charles Hart, and Don Black – to join them in their circus of torture, and have been ever since the show was written in 1989 (based on a novella by David Garnett). They will move into the neighborhood where Jared from Subway is heading, along with the guy who created Girls Gone Wild. They’ll all fit together nicely. And into their little torture neighborhood, we will add whoever though it was a good idea to revive this monstrosity of a show at the Southwark Playhouse this season. A rare miss from a theatre whose work we usually adore, “Aspects of Love” is an affront to decent humans. Sure, we are realizing with each passing day that there are fewer and fewer decent humans among us in this brave new world of ours, but that doesn’t excuse this portrayal of domestic abuse, misogyny, incest and more as normal, or worse, as anything remotely resembling love.
Frank Rich’s 1990 review of the Broadway production in the failing New York Times has one of my favorite Frank Rich lines of all time OF ALL TIME. He states that while ALW has written a musical about people (as opposed to cats), “whether ‘Aspects of Love’ is a musical for people is another matter.” I mean get Dubs to the ER for those burns am I right. The story presented here is offensive, despicable, and all around gross. The main idea is that it’s about love in all these various forms, in all these different romances depicted. The problem is, none of it is love, NONE OF IT, and putting some of these relationships forward as love – as opposed to what they really are, toxic power trips or ACTUAL CRIMES – is irresponsible and disturbing.
Let’s get into it, shall we? “Aspects of Love” is about a boy named Alex living in France who is obsessed with a local actress. Alex is 17 years old, so a minor, if they count things like that in France. He goes to the actress, Rose, after a show one night and is like, hot damn I love you, even though I don’t know you and this is the first time we’ve ever spoken, that’s love. Rose’s show is cancelled and she’s broke, so Alex says she can come stay with him in his uncle’s villa for a few weeks. Rose decides that spending a few weeks having an affair with a minor is a good solution to a problem that could also be solved ANY OTHER WAY. Off Rose and the child Alex go to the uncle’s villa, happy in their disgusting little bubble of impropriety until the uncle finds out and goes to disrupt their fun. The uncle, George, finds them one evening when Rose is wearing George’s dead wife’s gown. Naturally, this upsets him, but not because it’s a flagrant overstep on the part of a guest. No, it’s because he is attracted to Rose, who looks a lot like his dead wife in this gown, and he apologizes to her for his being upset instead of making her apologize to him for wearing the damn dress and at THIS point I was ready to scream at everyone for being wrong and dumb so you can imagine how I felt when shit really hit the fan. Rose decides to leave Alex after a week or so and go back to the stage. They say that they love each other a few times and you are like a) you don’t even know each other and b) so gross.
Two years later, Alex has joined the army so he has a gun, important plot point. He goes to visit his uncle George and lo and behold, guess who is at his apartment? ROSE, who is now George’s mistress. Alex is so upset and scolds Rose for sleeping with his uncle just for his money, but Rose says she really loves George. She ALSO says that she really loved Alex two years ago and so they have sex again in George’s apartment. The next day, Rose tells Alex he has to go before George returns, so Alex THREATENS TO SHOOT HER, because that’s what real love is. How dare you not love me back when I love you so much, Alex says, I love you so much that I’d rather kill you than see you be happy with someone else! SURE GUYS. Rose is like dude stop it and she throws a candlestick at him, which makes him fire the gun “accidentally” but not really an accident because you’re forking POINTING A LOADED GUN AT HER and threatening to shoot her so like not really an UNFORESEEN CONSEQUENCE YOU LITTLE SHIT, and Rose is shot in the arm and faints. And then George arrives and instead of taking Rose to a hospital or something, he and Alex sing about how much they love her and how they think the other one is the best man for her AS SHE IS PASSED OUT. George is literally singing to Alex that maybe he is the right man for Rose because he clearly loves her so much and has such strong passion that it made him shoot her. I CANNOT.
George goes to see his other mistress, Giulietta, and it looks like Rose and Alex will stay together even though he just shot her but she soon orders him to leave so she can go race after George. Rose and Giulietta meet, and they’re like ‘oh you’re not as bad as I expected you to be, let’s be friends/lovers’ and then Rose and George get married with Giulietta as the witness and they form this gross little threesome and George is skeevily elated and that’s Act 1.
I didn’t think Act II could be worse, but I was mistaken. In Act II, the married couple George and Rose have a daughter, Jenny, who has a crush on Alex, HER COUSIN. When Jenny is 14 and Alex is 34, Alex is visiting the villa and Jenny puts on the gown that Rose first put on, the dead wife’s gown. George, instead of being like ‘it’s forking weird that my daughter is dressing up like my dead wife and I’m super attracted to women who wear this gown’, decides the right thing to do is dance with Jenny in a gross manner. When alone, Jenny and Alex dance in a very very inappropriate manner. Jenny tells Alex that she loves him and they kiss. Again, 14, and 34. AND COUSINS.
Later, Alex is putting Jenny to bed one evening and Jenny tells him how much she loves him. Alex sings to himself about all his complicated feelings (he is attracted to his child cousin; not complicated, go away from her) and George overhears and assumes they’ve been having sex and he HAS A HEART ATTACK AND DIES.
At George’s wake, Alex and Giulietta meet and they have sex. Then Alex tells Jenny that their relationship can’t continue, and then he tries to leave but Rose begs him not to leave because she loves him too, and then the whole building explodes from the sheer unbelievability of how fucked up this show is and how they are treating domestic abuse, incest, and pedophilia as acceptable kinds of love.
I know what you’re thinking – all of this must be put forth as satire or criticism of these people and what they think love is, right? Like the art of it must be that they are presenting this as super fucked up and not love at all, RIGHT? Sadly, no. There would be merit in presenting this story with a commentary on how it’s wrong or bad or literally ANY kind of commentary, but this is purely a celebration of this super fuckeduppery as ‘love’.
If you would like to know how the show is aside from the plot, because the entire story is something you can definitely ignore to focus on what, the melodies? then sure let’s talk about that. It is garbage. True, it has created a standard in musical theatre, the opening song “Love Changes Everything”, and it is indeed a catchy, hummable tune that is inoffensive and extraordinarily ordinary. So that’s say five points in their favor. But an easy way to lose those points is, instead of writing other decent melodies and improving the rest of the score, simply repeating “Love Changes Everything” ad infinitum in seemingly endless reprises. If we say minus 1 point for every reprise or repetition of the main LCE theme, they end the show with a total of negative eleventy billion points. And the rest of the score is cringeworthy. I honestly have never cringed so much at a score. It doesn’t help that virtually all of it is sung-through, with what should be dialogue in book scenes replaced with opera-style recitative. It is very hard to make that stylistic choice work in musicals. It does not work here. The melodies chosen for these scenes are the equivalent of when Buddy the Elf in ‘Elf’ tries to explain to Zooey Deschanel that singing is just like talking but you move your voice up and down and then to demonstrate he just sing-shouts “I’M SINGING! I’M IN A STORE AND I’M SIIIINGIIIING” to no real tune, just random tones. That’s what this score is. And the lyrics, good god. When the uncle finds out that his (minor) nephew is affairing it up at his country house with an actress, he sing-shouts “How handy! My bed, my brandy!” I literally HEARD the sound my husband’s face made as he tried to contain his shudder of abhorrence. It hurts in my tumnus to think about that line and the hundreds like it.
I honestly don’t believe that someone okayed this revival of this production like it’s a classic that doesn’t need modern social commentary or new direction to show that none of this is okay. It is clear that those involved don’t see any problem with these storylines and are okay with saying that ‘that’s love.’ And none of the (old men) reviewing this for the big publications seem to find any problem with it because men are disgusting. I can’t believe this is a real show. Also it’s 2 hours and 40 minutes, which is just adding insult to injury. Unless this show was redone as a primer on What Not to Do in the #MeToo Era, it needs to be put away for good. Everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves.
Let’s get into it, shall we? “Aspects of Love” is about a boy named Alex living in France who is obsessed with a local actress. Alex is 17 years old, so a minor, if they count things like that in France. He goes to the actress, Rose, after a show one night and is like, hot damn I love you, even though I don’t know you and this is the first time we’ve ever spoken, that’s love. Rose’s show is cancelled and she’s broke, so Alex says she can come stay with him in his uncle’s villa for a few weeks. Rose decides that spending a few weeks having an affair with a minor is a good solution to a problem that could also be solved ANY OTHER WAY. Off Rose and the child Alex go to the uncle’s villa, happy in their disgusting little bubble of impropriety until the uncle finds out and goes to disrupt their fun. The uncle, George, finds them one evening when Rose is wearing George’s dead wife’s gown. Naturally, this upsets him, but not because it’s a flagrant overstep on the part of a guest. No, it’s because he is attracted to Rose, who looks a lot like his dead wife in this gown, and he apologizes to her for his being upset instead of making her apologize to him for wearing the damn dress and at THIS point I was ready to scream at everyone for being wrong and dumb so you can imagine how I felt when shit really hit the fan. Rose decides to leave Alex after a week or so and go back to the stage. They say that they love each other a few times and you are like a) you don’t even know each other and b) so gross.
Two years later, Alex has joined the army so he has a gun, important plot point. He goes to visit his uncle George and lo and behold, guess who is at his apartment? ROSE, who is now George’s mistress. Alex is so upset and scolds Rose for sleeping with his uncle just for his money, but Rose says she really loves George. She ALSO says that she really loved Alex two years ago and so they have sex again in George’s apartment. The next day, Rose tells Alex he has to go before George returns, so Alex THREATENS TO SHOOT HER, because that’s what real love is. How dare you not love me back when I love you so much, Alex says, I love you so much that I’d rather kill you than see you be happy with someone else! SURE GUYS. Rose is like dude stop it and she throws a candlestick at him, which makes him fire the gun “accidentally” but not really an accident because you’re forking POINTING A LOADED GUN AT HER and threatening to shoot her so like not really an UNFORESEEN CONSEQUENCE YOU LITTLE SHIT, and Rose is shot in the arm and faints. And then George arrives and instead of taking Rose to a hospital or something, he and Alex sing about how much they love her and how they think the other one is the best man for her AS SHE IS PASSED OUT. George is literally singing to Alex that maybe he is the right man for Rose because he clearly loves her so much and has such strong passion that it made him shoot her. I CANNOT.
George goes to see his other mistress, Giulietta, and it looks like Rose and Alex will stay together even though he just shot her but she soon orders him to leave so she can go race after George. Rose and Giulietta meet, and they’re like ‘oh you’re not as bad as I expected you to be, let’s be friends/lovers’ and then Rose and George get married with Giulietta as the witness and they form this gross little threesome and George is skeevily elated and that’s Act 1.
I didn’t think Act II could be worse, but I was mistaken. In Act II, the married couple George and Rose have a daughter, Jenny, who has a crush on Alex, HER COUSIN. When Jenny is 14 and Alex is 34, Alex is visiting the villa and Jenny puts on the gown that Rose first put on, the dead wife’s gown. George, instead of being like ‘it’s forking weird that my daughter is dressing up like my dead wife and I’m super attracted to women who wear this gown’, decides the right thing to do is dance with Jenny in a gross manner. When alone, Jenny and Alex dance in a very very inappropriate manner. Jenny tells Alex that she loves him and they kiss. Again, 14, and 34. AND COUSINS.
Later, Alex is putting Jenny to bed one evening and Jenny tells him how much she loves him. Alex sings to himself about all his complicated feelings (he is attracted to his child cousin; not complicated, go away from her) and George overhears and assumes they’ve been having sex and he HAS A HEART ATTACK AND DIES.
At George’s wake, Alex and Giulietta meet and they have sex. Then Alex tells Jenny that their relationship can’t continue, and then he tries to leave but Rose begs him not to leave because she loves him too, and then the whole building explodes from the sheer unbelievability of how fucked up this show is and how they are treating domestic abuse, incest, and pedophilia as acceptable kinds of love.
I know what you’re thinking – all of this must be put forth as satire or criticism of these people and what they think love is, right? Like the art of it must be that they are presenting this as super fucked up and not love at all, RIGHT? Sadly, no. There would be merit in presenting this story with a commentary on how it’s wrong or bad or literally ANY kind of commentary, but this is purely a celebration of this super fuckeduppery as ‘love’.
If you would like to know how the show is aside from the plot, because the entire story is something you can definitely ignore to focus on what, the melodies? then sure let’s talk about that. It is garbage. True, it has created a standard in musical theatre, the opening song “Love Changes Everything”, and it is indeed a catchy, hummable tune that is inoffensive and extraordinarily ordinary. So that’s say five points in their favor. But an easy way to lose those points is, instead of writing other decent melodies and improving the rest of the score, simply repeating “Love Changes Everything” ad infinitum in seemingly endless reprises. If we say minus 1 point for every reprise or repetition of the main LCE theme, they end the show with a total of negative eleventy billion points. And the rest of the score is cringeworthy. I honestly have never cringed so much at a score. It doesn’t help that virtually all of it is sung-through, with what should be dialogue in book scenes replaced with opera-style recitative. It is very hard to make that stylistic choice work in musicals. It does not work here. The melodies chosen for these scenes are the equivalent of when Buddy the Elf in ‘Elf’ tries to explain to Zooey Deschanel that singing is just like talking but you move your voice up and down and then to demonstrate he just sing-shouts “I’M SINGING! I’M IN A STORE AND I’M SIIIINGIIIING” to no real tune, just random tones. That’s what this score is. And the lyrics, good god. When the uncle finds out that his (minor) nephew is affairing it up at his country house with an actress, he sing-shouts “How handy! My bed, my brandy!” I literally HEARD the sound my husband’s face made as he tried to contain his shudder of abhorrence. It hurts in my tumnus to think about that line and the hundreds like it.
I honestly don’t believe that someone okayed this revival of this production like it’s a classic that doesn’t need modern social commentary or new direction to show that none of this is okay. It is clear that those involved don’t see any problem with these storylines and are okay with saying that ‘that’s love.’ And none of the (old men) reviewing this for the big publications seem to find any problem with it because men are disgusting. I can’t believe this is a real show. Also it’s 2 hours and 40 minutes, which is just adding insult to injury. Unless this show was redone as a primer on What Not to Do in the #MeToo Era, it needs to be put away for good. Everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves.
1 Comment
Well done!!