Doctor Faustus at Shakespeare’s Globe: Marlowe’s Old Classic Fails to Move Meby Randi / January 10, 2019
It’s Theatre Thursday! Today we are talking about the new revival of Aspects of Love at London’s Southwark Playhouse, on until February 9. Run, don’t walk, to miss it.
Certain demons down at Bad Place headquarters are waiting for the creators of “Aspects of Love” – Andrew Lloyd Webber, Charles Hart, and Don Black – to join them in their circus of torture, and have been ever since the show was written in 1989 (based on a novella by David Garnett). They will move into the neighborhood where Jared from Subway is heading, along with the guy who created Girls Gone Wild. They’ll all fit together nicely. And into their little torture neighborhood, we will add whoever though it was a good idea to revive this monstrosity of a show at the Southwark Playhouse this season. A rare miss from a theatre whose work we usually adore, “Aspects of Love” is an affront to decent humans. Sure, we are realizing with each passing day that there are fewer and fewer decent humans among us in this brave new world of ours, but that doesn’t excuse this portrayal of domestic abuse, misogyny, incest and more as normal, or worse, as anything remotely resembling love.
Certain demons down at Bad Place headquarters are waiting for the creators of “Aspects of Love” – Andrew Lloyd Webber, Charles Hart, and Don Black – to join them in their circus of torture, and have been ever since the show was written in 1989 (based on a novella by David Garnett). They will move into the neighborhood where Jared from Subway is heading, along with the guy who created Girls Gone Wild. They’ll all fit together nicely. And into their little torture neighborhood, we will add whoever though it was a good idea to revive this monstrosity of a show at the Southwark Playhouse this season. A rare miss from a theatre whose work we usually adore, “Aspects of Love” is an affront to decent humans. Sure, we are realizing with each passing day that there are fewer and fewer decent humans among us in this brave new world of ours, but that doesn’t excuse this portrayal of domestic abuse, misogyny, incest and more as normal, or worse, as anything remotely resembling love.
Frank Rich’s 1990 review of the Broadway production in the failing New York Times has one of my favorite Frank Rich lines of all time OF ALL TIME. He states that while ALW has written a musical about people (as opposed to cats), “whether ‘Aspects of Love’ is a musical for people is another matter.” I mean get Dubs to the ER for those burns am I right. The story presented here is offensive, despicable, and all around gross. The main idea is that it’s about love in all these various forms, in all these different romances depicted. The problem is, none of it is love, NONE OF IT, and putting some of these relationships forward as love – as opposed to what they really are, toxic power trips or ACTUAL CRIMES – is irresponsible and disturbing.
Let’s get into it, shall we? “Aspects of Love” is about a boy named Alex living in France who is obsessed with a local actress. Alex is 17 years old, so a minor, if they count things like that in France. He goes to the actress, Rose, after a show one night and is like, hot damn I love you, even though I don’t know you and this is the first time we’ve ever spoken, that’s love. Rose’s show is cancelled and she’s broke, so Alex says she can come stay with him in his uncle’s villa for a few weeks. Rose decides that spending a few weeks having an affair with a minor is a good solution to a problem that could also be solved ANY OTHER WAY. Off Rose and the child Alex go to the uncle’s villa, happy in their disgusting little bubble of impropriety until the uncle finds out and goes to disrupt their fun. The uncle, George, finds them one evening when Rose is wearing George’s dead wife’s gown. Naturally, this upsets him, but not because it’s a flagrant overstep on the part of a guest. No, it’s because he is attracted to Rose, who looks a lot like his dead wife in this gown, and he apologizes to her for his being upset instead of making her apologize to him for wearing the damn dress and at THIS point I was ready to scream at everyone for being wrong and dumb so you can imagine how I felt when shit really hit the fan. Rose decides to leave Alex after a week or so and go back to the stage. They say that they love each other a few times and you are like a) you don’t even know each other and b) so gross.
Two years later, Alex has joined the army so he has a gun, important plot point. He goes to visit his uncle George and lo and behold, guess who is at his apartment? ROSE, who is now George’s mistress. Alex is so upset and scolds Rose for sleeping with his uncle just for his money, but Rose says she really loves George. She ALSO says that she really loved Alex two years ago and so they have sex again in George’s apartment. The next day, Rose tells Alex he has to go before George returns, so Alex THREATENS TO SHOOT HER, because that’s what real love is. How dare you not love me back when I love you so much, Alex says, I love you so much that I’d rather kill you than see you be happy with someone else! SURE GUYS. Rose is like dude stop it and she throws a candlestick at him, which makes him fire the gun “accidentally” but not really an accident because you’re forking POINTING A LOADED GUN AT HER and threatening to shoot her so like not really an UNFORESEEN CONSEQUENCE YOU LITTLE SHIT, and Rose is shot in the arm and faints. And then George arrives and instead of taking Rose to a hospital or something, he and Alex sing about how much they love her and how they think the other one is the best man for her AS SHE IS PASSED OUT. George is literally singing to Alex that maybe he is the right man for Rose because he clearly loves her so much and has such strong passion that it made him shoot her. I CANNOT.
George goes to see his other mistress, Giulietta, and it looks like Rose and Alex will stay together even though he just shot her but she soon orders him to leave so she can go race after George. Rose and Giulietta meet, and they’re like ‘oh you’re not as bad as I expected you to be, let’s be friends/lovers’ and then Rose and George get married with Giulietta as the witness and they form this gross little threesome and George is skeevily elated and that’s Act 1.
I didn’t think Act II could be worse, but I was mistaken. In Act II, the married couple George and Rose have a daughter, Jenny, who has a crush on Alex, HER COUSIN. When Jenny is 14 and Alex is 34, Alex is visiting the villa and Jenny puts on the gown that Rose first put on, the dead wife’s gown. George, instead of being like ‘it’s forking weird that my daughter is dressing up like my dead wife and I’m super attracted to women who wear this gown’, decides the right thing to do is dance with Jenny in a gross manner. When alone, Jenny and Alex dance in a very very inappropriate manner. Jenny tells Alex that she loves him and they kiss. Again, 14, and 34. AND COUSINS.
Later, Alex is putting Jenny to bed one evening and Jenny tells him how much she loves him. Alex sings to himself about all his complicated feelings (he is attracted to his child cousin; not complicated, go away from her) and George overhears and assumes they’ve been having sex and he HAS A HEART ATTACK AND DIES.
At George’s wake, Alex and Giulietta meet and they have sex. Then Alex tells Jenny that their relationship can’t continue, and then he tries to leave but Rose begs him not to leave because she loves him too, and then the whole building explodes from the sheer unbelievability of how fucked up this show is and how they are treating domestic abuse, incest, and pedophilia as acceptable kinds of love.
I know what you’re thinking – all of this must be put forth as satire or criticism of these people and what they think love is, right? Like the art of it must be that they are presenting this as super fucked up and not love at all, RIGHT? Sadly, no. There would be merit in presenting this story with a commentary on how it’s wrong or bad or literally ANY kind of commentary, but this is purely a celebration of this super fuckeduppery as ‘love’.
If you would like to know how the show is aside from the plot, because the entire story is something you can definitely ignore to focus on what, the melodies? then sure let’s talk about that. It is garbage. True, it has created a standard in musical theatre, the opening song “Love Changes Everything”, and it is indeed a catchy, hummable tune that is inoffensive and extraordinarily ordinary. So that’s say five points in their favor. But an easy way to lose those points is, instead of writing other decent melodies and improving the rest of the score, simply repeating “Love Changes Everything” ad infinitum in seemingly endless reprises. If we say minus 1 point for every reprise or repetition of the main LCE theme, they end the show with a total of negative eleventy billion points. And the rest of the score is cringeworthy. I honestly have never cringed so much at a score. It doesn’t help that virtually all of it is sung-through, with what should be dialogue in book scenes replaced with opera-style recitative. It is very hard to make that stylistic choice work in musicals. It does not work here. The melodies chosen for these scenes are the equivalent of when Buddy the Elf in ‘Elf’ tries to explain to Zooey Deschanel that singing is just like talking but you move your voice up and down and then to demonstrate he just sing-shouts “I’M SINGING! I’M IN A STORE AND I’M SIIIINGIIIING” to no real tune, just random tones. That’s what this score is. And the lyrics, good god. When the uncle finds out that his (minor) nephew is affairing it up at his country house with an actress, he sing-shouts “How handy! My bed, my brandy!” I literally HEARD the sound my husband’s face made as he tried to contain his shudder of abhorrence. It hurts in my tumnus to think about that line and the hundreds like it.
I honestly don’t believe that someone okayed this revival of this production like it’s a classic that doesn’t need modern social commentary or new direction to show that none of this is okay. It is clear that those involved don’t see any problem with these storylines and are okay with saying that ‘that’s love.’ And none of the (old men) reviewing this for the big publications seem to find any problem with it because men are disgusting. I can’t believe this is a real show. Also it’s 2 hours and 40 minutes, which is just adding insult to injury. Unless this show was redone as a primer on What Not to Do in the #MeToo Era, it needs to be put away for good. Everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves.
Let’s get into it, shall we? “Aspects of Love” is about a boy named Alex living in France who is obsessed with a local actress. Alex is 17 years old, so a minor, if they count things like that in France. He goes to the actress, Rose, after a show one night and is like, hot damn I love you, even though I don’t know you and this is the first time we’ve ever spoken, that’s love. Rose’s show is cancelled and she’s broke, so Alex says she can come stay with him in his uncle’s villa for a few weeks. Rose decides that spending a few weeks having an affair with a minor is a good solution to a problem that could also be solved ANY OTHER WAY. Off Rose and the child Alex go to the uncle’s villa, happy in their disgusting little bubble of impropriety until the uncle finds out and goes to disrupt their fun. The uncle, George, finds them one evening when Rose is wearing George’s dead wife’s gown. Naturally, this upsets him, but not because it’s a flagrant overstep on the part of a guest. No, it’s because he is attracted to Rose, who looks a lot like his dead wife in this gown, and he apologizes to her for his being upset instead of making her apologize to him for wearing the damn dress and at THIS point I was ready to scream at everyone for being wrong and dumb so you can imagine how I felt when shit really hit the fan. Rose decides to leave Alex after a week or so and go back to the stage. They say that they love each other a few times and you are like a) you don’t even know each other and b) so gross.
Two years later, Alex has joined the army so he has a gun, important plot point. He goes to visit his uncle George and lo and behold, guess who is at his apartment? ROSE, who is now George’s mistress. Alex is so upset and scolds Rose for sleeping with his uncle just for his money, but Rose says she really loves George. She ALSO says that she really loved Alex two years ago and so they have sex again in George’s apartment. The next day, Rose tells Alex he has to go before George returns, so Alex THREATENS TO SHOOT HER, because that’s what real love is. How dare you not love me back when I love you so much, Alex says, I love you so much that I’d rather kill you than see you be happy with someone else! SURE GUYS. Rose is like dude stop it and she throws a candlestick at him, which makes him fire the gun “accidentally” but not really an accident because you’re forking POINTING A LOADED GUN AT HER and threatening to shoot her so like not really an UNFORESEEN CONSEQUENCE YOU LITTLE SHIT, and Rose is shot in the arm and faints. And then George arrives and instead of taking Rose to a hospital or something, he and Alex sing about how much they love her and how they think the other one is the best man for her AS SHE IS PASSED OUT. George is literally singing to Alex that maybe he is the right man for Rose because he clearly loves her so much and has such strong passion that it made him shoot her. I CANNOT.
George goes to see his other mistress, Giulietta, and it looks like Rose and Alex will stay together even though he just shot her but she soon orders him to leave so she can go race after George. Rose and Giulietta meet, and they’re like ‘oh you’re not as bad as I expected you to be, let’s be friends/lovers’ and then Rose and George get married with Giulietta as the witness and they form this gross little threesome and George is skeevily elated and that’s Act 1.
I didn’t think Act II could be worse, but I was mistaken. In Act II, the married couple George and Rose have a daughter, Jenny, who has a crush on Alex, HER COUSIN. When Jenny is 14 and Alex is 34, Alex is visiting the villa and Jenny puts on the gown that Rose first put on, the dead wife’s gown. George, instead of being like ‘it’s forking weird that my daughter is dressing up like my dead wife and I’m super attracted to women who wear this gown’, decides the right thing to do is dance with Jenny in a gross manner. When alone, Jenny and Alex dance in a very very inappropriate manner. Jenny tells Alex that she loves him and they kiss. Again, 14, and 34. AND COUSINS.
Later, Alex is putting Jenny to bed one evening and Jenny tells him how much she loves him. Alex sings to himself about all his complicated feelings (he is attracted to his child cousin; not complicated, go away from her) and George overhears and assumes they’ve been having sex and he HAS A HEART ATTACK AND DIES.
At George’s wake, Alex and Giulietta meet and they have sex. Then Alex tells Jenny that their relationship can’t continue, and then he tries to leave but Rose begs him not to leave because she loves him too, and then the whole building explodes from the sheer unbelievability of how fucked up this show is and how they are treating domestic abuse, incest, and pedophilia as acceptable kinds of love.
I know what you’re thinking – all of this must be put forth as satire or criticism of these people and what they think love is, right? Like the art of it must be that they are presenting this as super fucked up and not love at all, RIGHT? Sadly, no. There would be merit in presenting this story with a commentary on how it’s wrong or bad or literally ANY kind of commentary, but this is purely a celebration of this super fuckeduppery as ‘love’.
If you would like to know how the show is aside from the plot, because the entire story is something you can definitely ignore to focus on what, the melodies? then sure let’s talk about that. It is garbage. True, it has created a standard in musical theatre, the opening song “Love Changes Everything”, and it is indeed a catchy, hummable tune that is inoffensive and extraordinarily ordinary. So that’s say five points in their favor. But an easy way to lose those points is, instead of writing other decent melodies and improving the rest of the score, simply repeating “Love Changes Everything” ad infinitum in seemingly endless reprises. If we say minus 1 point for every reprise or repetition of the main LCE theme, they end the show with a total of negative eleventy billion points. And the rest of the score is cringeworthy. I honestly have never cringed so much at a score. It doesn’t help that virtually all of it is sung-through, with what should be dialogue in book scenes replaced with opera-style recitative. It is very hard to make that stylistic choice work in musicals. It does not work here. The melodies chosen for these scenes are the equivalent of when Buddy the Elf in ‘Elf’ tries to explain to Zooey Deschanel that singing is just like talking but you move your voice up and down and then to demonstrate he just sing-shouts “I’M SINGING! I’M IN A STORE AND I’M SIIIINGIIIING” to no real tune, just random tones. That’s what this score is. And the lyrics, good god. When the uncle finds out that his (minor) nephew is affairing it up at his country house with an actress, he sing-shouts “How handy! My bed, my brandy!” I literally HEARD the sound my husband’s face made as he tried to contain his shudder of abhorrence. It hurts in my tumnus to think about that line and the hundreds like it.
I honestly don’t believe that someone okayed this revival of this production like it’s a classic that doesn’t need modern social commentary or new direction to show that none of this is okay. It is clear that those involved don’t see any problem with these storylines and are okay with saying that ‘that’s love.’ And none of the (old men) reviewing this for the big publications seem to find any problem with it because men are disgusting. I can’t believe this is a real show. Also it’s 2 hours and 40 minutes, which is just adding insult to injury. Unless this show was redone as a primer on What Not to Do in the #MeToo Era, it needs to be put away for good. Everyone involved should be ashamed of themselves.
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Ratatouille the Ratatoosical, the Rata tat tat TikTok Musical We Need Ratatata
It’s Theatre Thursday y’all!!!! We haven’t had a #TT in literally what 7 months and I regret that verily. This was written before the attempted coup in the USA! Clearly! Who can do anything today!
BEEN SO LONG, mes babies! I’ve been watching a lot of streaming theatre, obviously, as that plus bread is the only thing getting us through secluded life in this hellscape. But I hadn’t really felt the need to write about most of what I’ve been watching. (Also I am just so tired.) AND THEN CAME A LITTLE RAT NAMED REMY and the world was like oooh and I was like yeahhh and Tituss was like SAAAAANG! So here we are.
In all of history, there have been three incredible ways that people have come together to prove that when we remember what community means, we can achieve remarkable things. First is the way Americans came out for Joe Biden and Kamala Harris in November (and how the world rallied around Gritty, obviously). Second, the way Georgians shoved a big hell no up Mitch Mcfuckfaceturtlecud’s arse to elect Reverend Warnock and my lil Shabbat treat to the Senate. The third way is how yoots on TikTok took a brilliant idea for a new musical and forking RAN with it, running so far that the Broadway community had to take notice and had to MAKE IT HAPPEN. Thanks to TikTok-ing yoots, the world saw a workshoppy benefit concert version of what was once just a funny meme-ish thing to have fun with online: Ratatouille the Musical.
When you think about it, it’s a no-brainer to make a musical version of such a great Pixar film. There’s a cute little rat protagonist, his goofy ginger friend who is Parisian but has an American accent even though his coworkers have French ones, and a slew of rich side characters who need big musical numbers perfect for an endless list of our best character actors. Sure it would be more difficult to stage the concept of a rat hiding in the chef’s hat of a young man and controlling him via hair pulls than it was to draw it in an animated movie but the magic of theatre can solve that problem! Probably! So even though it was quite the lovely surprise to see the Ratatoosical become a real thing, with real theatre people and backers and promoters involved, it’s not a huge surprise that this idea took off in the first place.
The benefit concert/edited Zoom video, presented last weekend via TodayTix (now branded as TomorrowTix), had all the joy and excitement from the collaborative creative process of the TikTok days but amplified it with the help of a stellar cast and some impressive songs. Our star, Remy the Rat, was none other that Tituss Burgess, one of the funniest ever actors with one of the most gorgeous voices – and highest belts, like seriously, how do you belt that high?? He was inspired casting, as was Andrew Barth Feldman, one of the replacement Evans Hansen, as Linguini. Listen, I don’t mean this in anything but a positive way, but no one has ever looked as much like anything as Andrew looks like that stringbean wide-eyed ginger cartoon. To go even further, he definitely did his homework and watched the movie a whole bunch because he was making cartoon-Linguini’s exact facial expressions. It was uncanny and amazing. I would love to see most of this cast stick with any further development, but Tituss and Andrew are definitely necessary.
I was happy to see that one of the composers involved is Daniel Mertzlufft, the dude whose Thanksgiving musical got a performance on James Corden’s show with Audra, Patti, Kristin, two Joshes, and more. Man he’s had quite the year and probably the most uniquely modern composer origin story ever. Leading the team of other TikTok composers – which includes Broadway actor Kevin Chamberlin, who plays Gusteau in the production, singing the song he wrote (what a talent) – was director Lucy Moss, a.k.a. the co-creator of Six, so like, okay this shit’s for real.
Along with real-life Linguini and Tituss, the A-list cast featured Ashley Park (doing a French accent almost as good as Emily in Paris (read: not)), Mary Testa (just the greatest, my god); Adam Lambert (cute for him!), Wayne Brady (did his damn PREPARATION with that costume and that trash can, good work), and my favorite person ever Andre de Shields, still going strong, fueled by sweet potatoes (he told me).
As for this concert itself, it was so much fun, even though the video kept buffering (or pretending to buffer but not actually doing anything to get better) even though our internet was fine. Oh well that’s the price we pay for getting theatrical content without sitting next to gross other people (ugh other people, gross). I loved how clear it was that everyone involved was a lover of musical theatre: Right from the start came the allusions and call-outs to the MT canon, like the early Sweeney Todd reference when Tituss sang “Not Remy! not Remy the rat!” Amazing! The musical highlight had to be Mary Testa’s Skinner singing the best song of the bunch, “I Knew I Smelled a Rat” – just SUCH a great double meaning my dudes! – by Sophia James. One of the funniest parts of dialogue was when Mary and Ashley performed what was essentially Dueling Banjos but for bad French accents. The big emotional numbers need some work to be more special and lose the generic lyrics and melodies, but of course the score needs work – this is like Round 1 and it’s already so enjoyable. It’ll be interesting to see what the book is like when it’s not just Tituss reciting plot summaries (although I’d pay to hear him do anything (except probably his geisha play ‘Kimono You Don’t’, since the Asian-American message board called him one of their top 5 Hitlers over that (“real Hitler wasn’t even on the list!”))). Man alive I hope that this show progresses further into a full-fledged stage production. With so much talent on display, both in terms of the fresh composers and the theatre stars, future iterations will be increasingly amazing and we have no choice but to love it.
The Tony Awards are Sunday! Here’s What Should Happen
It’s the mooost wonderful tiiiime of the year! It’s Tony season! Well I guess it’s been Tony season; now it’s TONY WEEKEND! How pumped are you? How are you talking about anything else? The big Federer-Nadal match is over, no one is seeing Dark Phoenix, and the world is still going to shit so there is nothing more to do but sit back, relax, and let the joy of Tony Weekend wash all over you.
Until Monday morning, when we piss and moan about all the injustice of amazing performers losing arbitrary awards to equally amazing performers and all of them getting to do the best job on the planet, so unfair.
So what will I be pissing and moaning about in particular on Monday morning? A lot of things! Mainly, that here in the UK I can’t watch it live, but also that a few of my favorite performances probably won’t be rewarded; that Scott Rudin will add to his vast collection of trophies even though he’s a big dumb bully; and that Tony voters should have to see all the nominees in order to be Tony voters (you have one job; if you don’t want it, give it to me plz).
If Tony knows what’s good for her (yes, Tony is a girl!), she’ll do her level best to keep a few of those predicted complaints from happening, but most importantly she’ll put on one hell of a show and, with James Corden’s help, demonstrate to the Emmys, the Grammys, and the Oscars most years how to do awards shows right. Mostly, as long as Tony Toni Tone sticks to the whole underworld theme of the best shows this season (Hadestown is obvs about Hades and the underworld, and The Ferryman title refers to Hades’s ferryman Charon who rows the newly dead souls across the river Styx and into the underworld. POSS CROSSOVER EVENT?), things will be good.
I’ve already rambled on about the nominations and who should have been nominated (so read that post first if you haven’t already), so this one will be purely about the actual nominees.
Let’s start with the most important, since we all know these posts tend to go on and some of you never make it to the end. Yeah I see you! We’ll do all 3 big musical categories, the biggie plus score and book. Hadestown, as I’ve been saying since last year, is the best musical by far. It’s the only solidly great one, too, but even if it had great competition I can’t see anything surpassing it in terms of quality, uniqueness, and emotional depth. Most of its magic comes from Anais Mitchell’s incredible score, like nothing we’ve heard before, especially not on Broadway, which should absolutely win as well. A lot of voters want to award the good-hearted social message of The Prom for Best Musical, and while I understand that, there should be zero doubt about voting for Hadestown for Best Score.
And although it seems the vast majority of people still don’t understand what a book of a musical is, Mitchell’s flawless structure and creative twist on classic myths to tell this old-but-new kind of story should win Best Book as well. Tootsie will, because it has the most jokes, and that’s what people usually think of in terms of book: the script and how enjoyable it is. But it also has to do with the overall story and its structure and how it is told, and Hades tops the charts for all of that. Still, as long as Hadestown wins Best Musical and Score, all will be right.
While the current, feel-good-about-being-a-good-person musical The Prom is the closest competition, everyone absolute adores Ain’t Too Proud, which I can see being the real surprise, if such a surprise as Hadestown not winning Best Musical were to happen, but that would be some real bullshirt (it losing, not ATP winning). Oh and Beetlejuice isn’t winning shit; someone tell Warner Bros. they need a new head of their theatrical division (*cough* me *cough*).
Seriously watch this and tell me I’m wrong about this music. (And about the actors who should win.)
For those of us still salty over Chavkin’s loss for Great Comet, it’s not so much a wish that she wins now to make up for that as it is a wish that her directorial genius is finally rewarded for something equally astonishing. But the race is on between her and Daniel Fish, whose Oklahoma! is a complete and relevant reimagining of the dusty classic. But that one is divisive among all crowds, Tony voters included, and since it is going to win Best Revival of a Musical (a sure thing over the ya-basic Kiss Me, Kate), perhaps they will deem Fish’s (feeshees) work recognized enough with that. I hope so because I’d be front row center with a giant foam finger that says ‘CHAVKIN’ if I could.
Now that I’ve seen Gary, I have…still not seen all of them. But I can’t imagine anything taking this from the once-in-a-decade, sweeping, epic masterpiece The Ferryman. And nothing should. The Ferryman proves that it’s not about how long shows are (3+ hours); it’s about what you do with that time. I’ve seen other shows longer than 3 hours that barely accomplished anything and some 80-minute ones that were perfect. But this one, hoo boy, it told a full-blooded epic family and historical drama in one night and it was like reading a phenomenal book, so ingenious and well done.
This is Stephanie J. Block’s for shooo but I haven’t seen The Cher Show because the one weekend I had a free theatre slot, she was on vacation and I am not seeing that show without her. Anyway, I’m sure she’s amazing and I love her and all. It’s hard for me not to root for my queen (Kelli) but she is miscast in Kate. I’m personally still gutted by Eva’s performance (I told you I’d be raving about Hadestown this entire post/for my life, didn’t I? if I didn’t well I just did guys). But it’s the promenaders who pose the only real threat to SJB. Well one of them, Beth Leavel, who is also beloved in the community and has put in her time and is also giving a great performance. She is probably the #2 vote getter but if you ain’t first yer last, and SJB is first this season.
While I love all of the men on this list, this has to go to my OG (that stands for Original Greg), Santino. I guess it’s all down to whether he wants it or not, because we all know he could win one if he wanted to. (That’s a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend reference, for those of you still not living your best life.) Granted I am not seeing big ole Toots for two more weeks (don’t you DARE go on vacation OG) but it’s the kind of big, showy, entire-production-carrying role that does not leave its cross-dressing star empty-handed, especially when he does the impossible and stops audiences from comparing him to Dustin Hoffman. (The TBD star of the new Mrs. Doubtfire musical can only pray for the same result.) While all the nominees are such great ones, it seems Brooks Ashmanskas not only has the best name but also poses the biggest threat of an upset here, as the most likely win for The Prom (and, in my view, backpay for Martin Short’s 2006 Broadway variety show, still one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen). Although a huge part of me wants Lin-Manuel Miranda to one day be the presenter that awards Derrick Baskin his Tony, just so Derrick can reprise his greatest line of all time: “Well, well, well. If it isn’t Lin-Man-well, well, well”, this is almost surely Santino’s and it’s honestly the least Broadway could do for his returning to the Great White Way and thus incurring the wrath of Rachel Bloom.
What a terrible category for voters! All of these performances are truly deserving and would win in other years. Both Paddy and Bryan won Oliviers for these same roles, but Bryan will prevail here. He already won the best award of the year, the Drama League Distinguished Performance that goes to just one actor, across roles of all size and gender and musicality (as in, whether it has it or not) (I’m trying to say that plays and musicals are combined). It would be a shock if he doesn’t win this, but not like so sad because he is swimming in awards and we all like socialism now, right?
Six incredible actresses to choose from (and yet no Glenda Jackson, so weird right?) seems like a hard task but this is the biggest slam dunk of the night, the one with the most consensus – it’s Elaine May’s. She plays someone with Alzheimer’s which seems like this decade’s version of Ricky Gervais’s hundo p secret to winning an Oscar (doing a Holocaust movie), and so given that Ricky is the latest out-of-touch white man to be CANCELLED, it seems totes approps that that should change to this, especially given that May’s performance is what some Tony voters said (anonymously) was the best performance of any sort they’d literally ever seen.
This one is the one I am going to be most dismayed by, except not even ‘dismayed’ just like ‘oh that’s not who I would have voted for but still great, still great’ so…so that’s nothing, right. It’s neck and neck between Amber Gray and Ali Stroker, the two it should be neck and neck between. So they are both totally deserving but my vote would be for Amber because I am obbbbsesssssed with her Persephone and not just because my first acting gig was playing Persephone’s best friend who sees her get abducted by Hades (my big line: “Come ON, Persephone! We’ll never get to the beach if you stop to look at every flower!” and then Hades comes up from underground and snatches her away and I’m like “but the beach!” I was 8 years old I think.) So like Persephone is a part of me, you know??? And Amber is doing something so original (as she always does) and turning Persephone after many years of this nonsense into a quirky, sort of pissed off yet beloved queen and straight KILLIN it (as she always does) and her performance is so forking touching so I just really want her to win and also she is pumping during intermission every night because she has an infant and that is BALLER. But Ali is amazing and I’m so happy there is a place for her forever on Broadway now so like whatever they’re all great just everyone be happy and have fun I guess. I am going to the beach next week so that’s p cool.
THIS is the category that makes me happiest to not be a Tony voter this year, honestly, because I CANNOT choose between Andre and Patrick. It’s between the two Hadestown men, for sure, which scares me because a) they’re both so phenomental (that was a typo originally but I’m going to keep it because it is mental how phenomenal they are so yeah) and b) I’m nervous that the votes will cancel each other out and open the way for one of the others, which like fine they are all great and wonderful but it has to be Patrick or Andre. I think Andre gets it by the skin of his sweet potatoes, which sounds like a phrase that means something but I’m just remembering how at stage door he was eating sweet potatoes and we talked about healthy food and how important it is for him to nourish his body properly so it keeps functioning at peak human like it is in the show. Anyway, I love him and he’s my best good friend.
For the other categories: For featured actress in a play, Celia Keenan-Bolger is finally going to win the Tony everyone thought she was going to win for The Glass Menagerie, which is great because she is just the best. For featured actor, I’m rooting for Robin de Jesus because 1) he’s cool enough to make his twitter handle ‘Robin the Jesus’ which I laugh about at least once a week, and 2) I just love him and he’s SO good and should be in more stuff.
As for the show, I’m sure James Corden will do a nice job and do some big musical opener that lets him live all our dreams while he comes very close to tears and it will be big-hearted and joyous but not as shockingly impressive as NPH’s opening “Bigger” was because nothing could ever top that, ever. I’m sure some musical nominees will choose to do medleys, which like have you not learned how much medleys suck yet? I hope that Hadestown chooses to do “Why We Build a Wall” to make a killer political statement, but I don’t think it will, even though like, we have 30 years left tops, when if not now?
Most of all, I hope everyone reading this watches this year! They need to increase their ratings! Do your part and ensure that all the kids in podunk middles-of-nowhere see people like them exist! Enjoy!
