“Underground Railroad Game”: The Most Scandalizing Thing I’ve Ever Seen Comes to Londonby Randi / September 27, 2018
It’s Theatre Thursday! Today’s show is The Jungle at London’s Playhouse Theatre, running until November 3.
Boy, if you didn’t hate Theresa May already, this incredible play will definitely do the job. But while it will make you shake with rage against everyone in positions of power – the ones with the ability to make decisions that will help instead of hurt, but don’t – it won’t only leave you feeling sad and impotent. It will make you want to step up and help as well. And though it was kind of suuuper bougie that we were these middle class white people seeing a play about the Jungle while our do-gooder friends have actually volunteered there, it really is an important play to see, because theatre can and often should create real change in the world, and this is the kind of play that embodies that goal.
Boy, if you didn’t hate Theresa May already, this incredible play will definitely do the job. But while it will make you shake with rage against everyone in positions of power – the ones with the ability to make decisions that will help instead of hurt, but don’t – it won’t only leave you feeling sad and impotent. It will make you want to step up and help as well. And though it was kind of suuuper bougie that we were these middle class white people seeing a play about the Jungle while our do-gooder friends have actually volunteered there, it really is an important play to see, because theatre can and often should create real change in the world, and this is the kind of play that embodies that goal.
“The Jungle”, by Joe Murphy and Joe Robertson, and directed by the great Stephen Daldry and Justin Martin (never seen a play directed by two people before, I don’t think, so that’s interesting), is unlike anything I’ve seen before (and not even because of the two director thing). It doesn’t feel like a play at all. Dropping you smack in the middle of the action in the Calais migrant camp in 2016, you quickly forget that someone wrote these lines or directed these people or that these people are actors. I fully was immersed and believed that the passionate, beleaguered people around me were truly refugees from Afghanistan, from Syria, from Sudan, from Lebanon, from anywhere but definitely not actors from London. It usually takes a lot of effort to make that jump into accepting what you’re seeing in the theatre as truth, but here it was like there was no alternative, this was real. I was a witness to this incredible human rights atrocity. These poor people had been through so much and I was witnessing their efforts to get through even more.
The setting of the Calais migrant camp was in the news a lot a few years ago, for dern good reason, and even though the human rights violations are still occurring over the water (over to France, I mean, not the USA, although we all know the many violations of all sorts happening over that water but that’s not what I’m talking about for this one moment in time), the news has dropped the ball on covering it. Refugees and migrants trying to flee from many different countries for many different reasons have been coming into Europe for a long time, but in 2015 the number rose substantially. The huge numbers of migrants set up an encampment near Calais, France, from January 2015 to October 2016. With little assistance from activists and organizations, they built temporary housing, places of worships, restaurants. They dealt with sanitation problems (like lack of sanitation), food shortages, unaccompanied children, and the kinds of abuses that occur in any large group. People were hoping to get to the UK, and would risk their lives over and over and over by hiding in trucks, jumping ferries, or stowing away on trains heading to their believed salvation. They would really risk everything to succeed on this journey, evidenced in large part by the record number of people who died at sea trying to cross the Mediterranean in unsafe, terribly crowded small boats. Everyone remembers the picture of the poor little boy who drowned, a fact that this play reminds you of.
Despite the growing number of migrants camped out here, the French authorities began carrying out evictions. They would clear the camp by force, quadrant by quadrant, always promising that each eviction would be the last, forcing the migrants into smaller and more cramped living situations, before returning shortly thereafter and clearing another section. Now, the camp is gone, but the migrants still remain. They just aren’t allowed to have any sort of shelter in place or even bedding. Kids are burying blankets underground when the sun rises so officers won’t confiscate them. Their treatment is a disgusting stain in human history, one that is getting bigger and darker.
The play drops us into the action full swing, and when I say drops us in, I really mean it. Most of why the full immersion was easy to plunge into was because of the spectacular set and staging of this show. Inside the Playhouse theatre, there’s no theatre left really. The stage is gone, and although there’s a small balcony section for audience members, the entire floor is now a makeshift café in the middle of the migrant camp, with flags of represented countries, wooden benches, and dirt floors. The whole floor is this restaurant, and I was seated at one of the central wooden benches in the café while the actors swirled around, through, and right on top of the audience. The actors walked along the tables where our drinks were (a nice Afghani refugee will give you tea upon entering the café). They leaned on my shoulder when trying to talk to their friend standing at the next table. They threw dirty dish towels at us to clean our tables. They brought the guy next to me some freshly baked bread (seriously, I saw the guy kneading and rolling it out in the kitchen area) and then they brought him a whole curry platter (better him than me, thank goodness). I’ve seen immersive staging before, but this was unique, and it was so effective in making you care about what was happening.
And what was happening was chilling. The play begins right when the French authorities are beginning their ‘eviction process’, by forcibly, violently clearing an occupied part of the camp. You hear names of people who have died. Everything is loud, terrifying, and just when you’re starting to get short of breath, a calming presence interrupts and says we better start at the beginning of the story instead of the end. It’s unsettling storytelling, and incredibly powerful.
This calming presence is Safi, played by Ammar Haj Ahmad though I still can’t believe he was an actor who got to go home safe after the show. Quickly, and then continuously over the two acts, Safi will become someone we and the other refugees learn to trust and value, which is always a dangerous thing to do, as he demonstrates. A refugee from Syria, he becomes a leader of this camp, along with the Afghani restauranteur Salar (Ben Turner, remarkable) and Mohammed from Sudan (Jonathan Nyati), both giving their characters a sincere sense of gravitas and earnestness. It makes sense that the rest of the camp looks to them for guidance, even though they are just as lost and defeated.
There are a few other standout performers who are given time to shine, like John Pfumojena’s Okot, a Sudanese teenager who tells us how he has died and keeps dying deaths over and over in a somber, slow scene that was given remarkable amount of time to grow in an otherwise fast-paced show. But the entire cast is top-notch, and if I could give an award for best cast or ensemble (different from the theoretical Best Ensemble Tony Award that people are clamoring for that I object to (that would be for the unnamed chorus members only and so dancers who happen to be cast in top shows frequently could be like 10-time Tony winners and that’s just nonsense)), I would award this phenomenal cast. Not least the little girl Amal who barely says anything but breaks your heart into pieces so effectively that at the end I was like DO YOU NEED A HOME???
Everything about this play feels pitch perfect because it is all so accurate, from the Eton-educated British lad whose heart is in the right place but has no idea what he’s offering to deal with, to the infighting among migrants, to the condescending French authorities who lie with no compunction. Of course, the most staggeringly distressing part was the end, when we see actual footage of what has happened and how atrociously the media has handled it. The poor coverage and sometimes outright lies put out there about the camp led directly to Brexit, I believe, and I wonder just how many of the Brits in my audience voted for it, and whether they regret their decision. I hope they are doing something to help make amends for their actions. And if any theatre could produce that extraordinary result, it’s this extraordinary play, a theatrical event that you should run to see.
INFORMATION
The Jungle runs two hours and 45 ish minutes, in two acts. There’s lots of smoke, mainly non-cigarette ‘explosion’ smoke that I almost choked on and had to breathe through a paper towel for a minute, so be warned if you have asthma that like, you should bring your inhaler. Also, it’s pretty gritty, both in subject and in physical being. I picked the wrong show to wear a fancy dress to, I’ll tell you that. If you are sitting downstairs in the café, wear shoes you don’t mind getting dirty and clothes you can move in (to get on the bench) and try not to let them throw the dirty towels at your head.
Our seats right in the middle of the action at the Afghan Café were originally $25 (that’s pounddollars) and now are apparently $100! So you should run faster!
The setting of the Calais migrant camp was in the news a lot a few years ago, for dern good reason, and even though the human rights violations are still occurring over the water (over to France, I mean, not the USA, although we all know the many violations of all sorts happening over that water but that’s not what I’m talking about for this one moment in time), the news has dropped the ball on covering it. Refugees and migrants trying to flee from many different countries for many different reasons have been coming into Europe for a long time, but in 2015 the number rose substantially. The huge numbers of migrants set up an encampment near Calais, France, from January 2015 to October 2016. With little assistance from activists and organizations, they built temporary housing, places of worships, restaurants. They dealt with sanitation problems (like lack of sanitation), food shortages, unaccompanied children, and the kinds of abuses that occur in any large group. People were hoping to get to the UK, and would risk their lives over and over and over by hiding in trucks, jumping ferries, or stowing away on trains heading to their believed salvation. They would really risk everything to succeed on this journey, evidenced in large part by the record number of people who died at sea trying to cross the Mediterranean in unsafe, terribly crowded small boats. Everyone remembers the picture of the poor little boy who drowned, a fact that this play reminds you of.
Despite the growing number of migrants camped out here, the French authorities began carrying out evictions. They would clear the camp by force, quadrant by quadrant, always promising that each eviction would be the last, forcing the migrants into smaller and more cramped living situations, before returning shortly thereafter and clearing another section. Now, the camp is gone, but the migrants still remain. They just aren’t allowed to have any sort of shelter in place or even bedding. Kids are burying blankets underground when the sun rises so officers won’t confiscate them. Their treatment is a disgusting stain in human history, one that is getting bigger and darker.
The play drops us into the action full swing, and when I say drops us in, I really mean it. Most of why the full immersion was easy to plunge into was because of the spectacular set and staging of this show. Inside the Playhouse theatre, there’s no theatre left really. The stage is gone, and although there’s a small balcony section for audience members, the entire floor is now a makeshift café in the middle of the migrant camp, with flags of represented countries, wooden benches, and dirt floors. The whole floor is this restaurant, and I was seated at one of the central wooden benches in the café while the actors swirled around, through, and right on top of the audience. The actors walked along the tables where our drinks were (a nice Afghani refugee will give you tea upon entering the café). They leaned on my shoulder when trying to talk to their friend standing at the next table. They threw dirty dish towels at us to clean our tables. They brought the guy next to me some freshly baked bread (seriously, I saw the guy kneading and rolling it out in the kitchen area) and then they brought him a whole curry platter (better him than me, thank goodness). I’ve seen immersive staging before, but this was unique, and it was so effective in making you care about what was happening.
And what was happening was chilling. The play begins right when the French authorities are beginning their ‘eviction process’, by forcibly, violently clearing an occupied part of the camp. You hear names of people who have died. Everything is loud, terrifying, and just when you’re starting to get short of breath, a calming presence interrupts and says we better start at the beginning of the story instead of the end. It’s unsettling storytelling, and incredibly powerful.
This calming presence is Safi, played by Ammar Haj Ahmad though I still can’t believe he was an actor who got to go home safe after the show. Quickly, and then continuously over the two acts, Safi will become someone we and the other refugees learn to trust and value, which is always a dangerous thing to do, as he demonstrates. A refugee from Syria, he becomes a leader of this camp, along with the Afghani restauranteur Salar (Ben Turner, remarkable) and Mohammed from Sudan (Jonathan Nyati), both giving their characters a sincere sense of gravitas and earnestness. It makes sense that the rest of the camp looks to them for guidance, even though they are just as lost and defeated.
There are a few other standout performers who are given time to shine, like John Pfumojena’s Okot, a Sudanese teenager who tells us how he has died and keeps dying deaths over and over in a somber, slow scene that was given remarkable amount of time to grow in an otherwise fast-paced show. But the entire cast is top-notch, and if I could give an award for best cast or ensemble (different from the theoretical Best Ensemble Tony Award that people are clamoring for that I object to (that would be for the unnamed chorus members only and so dancers who happen to be cast in top shows frequently could be like 10-time Tony winners and that’s just nonsense)), I would award this phenomenal cast. Not least the little girl Amal who barely says anything but breaks your heart into pieces so effectively that at the end I was like DO YOU NEED A HOME???
Everything about this play feels pitch perfect because it is all so accurate, from the Eton-educated British lad whose heart is in the right place but has no idea what he’s offering to deal with, to the infighting among migrants, to the condescending French authorities who lie with no compunction. Of course, the most staggeringly distressing part was the end, when we see actual footage of what has happened and how atrociously the media has handled it. The poor coverage and sometimes outright lies put out there about the camp led directly to Brexit, I believe, and I wonder just how many of the Brits in my audience voted for it, and whether they regret their decision. I hope they are doing something to help make amends for their actions. And if any theatre could produce that extraordinary result, it’s this extraordinary play, a theatrical event that you should run to see.
INFORMATION
The Jungle runs two hours and 45 ish minutes, in two acts. There’s lots of smoke, mainly non-cigarette ‘explosion’ smoke that I almost choked on and had to breathe through a paper towel for a minute, so be warned if you have asthma that like, you should bring your inhaler. Also, it’s pretty gritty, both in subject and in physical being. I picked the wrong show to wear a fancy dress to, I’ll tell you that. If you are sitting downstairs in the café, wear shoes you don’t mind getting dirty and clothes you can move in (to get on the bench) and try not to let them throw the dirty towels at your head.
Our seats right in the middle of the action at the Afghan Café were originally $25 (that’s pounddollars) and now are apparently $100! So you should run faster!
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“War Paint” on Broadway: The Good, The Bad, and The Not Ugly Can’t Be Ugly With So Much Makeup Involved
Woot it’s Theatre Thursday! Today’s review is of the Broadway musical “War Paint”, which ends its run on Sunday.
The Broadway musical “War Paint”, which ends its respectable run this weekend, flew in completely under my radar, but once it was on it, I was so hooked. A new musical with a brand-new score, telling the story of two of the greatest women in business, and starring two of the greatest women in musical theatre? Sign me up! Doesn’t that sound just kick you in the shins spit on your neck fantastic? I don’t know how the anticipation of this show was so contained, because in theory it is just the greatest idea ever: Christine Ebersole, Patti LuPone, a new score by Korie and Frankel (who wrote the glorious “Grey Gardens” for Christine), and a biographical tale of cosmetics giants Elizabeth Arden and Helena Rubenstein and their long rivalry? I still can’t get over how incredible it is in theory. In theory.
The Broadway musical “War Paint”, which ends its respectable run this weekend, flew in completely under my radar, but once it was on it, I was so hooked. A new musical with a brand-new score, telling the story of two of the greatest women in business, and starring two of the greatest women in musical theatre? Sign me up! Doesn’t that sound just kick you in the shins spit on your neck fantastic? I don’t know how the anticipation of this show was so contained, because in theory it is just the greatest idea ever: Christine Ebersole, Patti LuPone, a new score by Korie and Frankel (who wrote the glorious “Grey Gardens” for Christine), and a biographical tale of cosmetics giants Elizabeth Arden and Helena Rubenstein and their long rivalry? I still can’t get over how incredible it is in theory. In theory.
GODDAMN QUEEEEENS
While the performances from Ebersole and LuPone were as phenomenal as one could have hoped, the show was decent but lacking. Despite having an out-of-town tryout in Chicago, it felt like it still needed edits and touch-ups. Based on the biographical book by Lindy Woodhead (erma what a name), “War Paint” chronicles Elizabeth Arden’s pink, waspy, lady-like domination of the cosmetics industry and American business world. That is, until Helena Rubenstein, the exotic Jewish immigrant from Poland, with her chic and harder edge and her focus on science, challenged Arden in every way to be her business equal and archrival. I am so in on this premise, because first of all it tells a story about a really crucial business rivalry that spurred even higher growth in the American cosmetics industry, and second of all, that rivalry happened to be between two middle aged women. You rarely get plays or movies that focus on women’s role in business, and if you are lucky enough to get such a story, the sole woman will be young and hot and surrounded by men who can take credit for her success. There’s no way in hell the story would focus on two women, and two older women at that. Yet “War Paint” does the impossible, and that is freaking amazing, and I wish that the show itself was as wonderful as that premise. But even with weaknesses in the score and book, it’s such a treat to be able to witness two legends of musical theatre portray two legends of industry when Hillary isn’t president.
I read some of Lindy Woodhead’s book (erma) when writing this up because I am hella professional, but going into the show I knew nothing about the lives of Rubenstein or Arden except that they were successful businessers whose names still carry significant weight today. Going in cold, I was so pumped to be blown away. However, from the start I could tell that I would be annoyingly unsatisfied. There were moments of greatness – LuPone’s humor, Ebersole’s vulnerability, both of their voices (in SUCH good shape), a few of their songs. But overall, the score was mediocre, the book was a g-d mess (such eye rolling at the dialogue and some unnecessary whole scenes), and the choreography was meh. If I’m sitting in an audience thinking “I could do that choreo” and I’m right? That doesn’t belong on a professional stage.
But really no matter how much I criticize it (and how much there is to criticize), it was amazing to be able to see these two pillars of musical theatre not only again but together. Patti’s vocal placement remains unparalleled. Christine is so lovely and heartbreaking as always. The show was unquestionably worth seeing for these performances, even though I questioned seeing it because I’ve seen both of them in other and better shows. At one moment I thought to myself “dammit they are incredible” and then was like “oh well yeah that’s why there are four Tony Awards up there between the two of them.”
Okay so what’s it about plot-wise and not just historically? It starts with a look inside Arden’s well-oiled machine, her super successful and popular salon with the famous red door, and all the inner workings and workers who keep it moving. Arden had pioneered the lighter touch to makeup to make it okay for higher class women to wear it, mostly tricking them with pink porcelain containers that were responsible for like 90% of a product’s cost. But then this brassy Jewish immigrant with an AMAZ accent comes around with an enticing brand that threatens to take Arden’s top spot in the industry. Whereas Arden’s was pink and soft and old moneyed, Rubenstein’s aesthetic is sleek and chic, black and white, sexual and violent, grabbing the attention of a lot of customers. The two battled back and forth, stealing ideas and secrets, trying to get a similar product out before the other, and most importantly upping their game consistently in their rivalry, which actually benefited everyone.
It was most interesting to see the two strong women reconcile the fact that they are pioneers for strong women in industry, with the fact that their success is coming in an industry telling women they aren’t good enough as is. An actual quote of Rubenstein’s is “There are no ugly women, only lazy ones,” which is HILARIOUS but like, terrible. This provocative conflict between what they represented and what they were actually doing added to all the interesting conflict with each other and the competition that was responsible for a lot of later success, when either could have easily just skated by instead of constantly trying to innovate. There was SO MUCH potential for this story, right?? and I hate that it wasn’t a home run.
One of the biggest problems for me was that Rubenstein’s and Arden’s male companions’ and partners’ storylines and songs take up WAY too much space. Their whole thing reeks of fragile white masculinity and it is so eyeroll through all of it. It made me angry that even in my safe space I couldn’t get away from white men complaining when they might not be in charge of literally every single little bit of the world and oh how terrible it was for them to have (gasp) ladybosses. But more than that, I was furious that it seemed like the creators were seemingly trying to shore up a show about two strong amazing women by adding a B plot about their partners, adding a male story just in case the ignorant masses would be too scandalized by a show only about women. Like the thought that “oh to be safe we need a lot about the men in their lives” was probably the focus of a lot of early discussions. And it made the show worse. Trust female stories to be enough.
Aside from these men, my other big problem with the show was another white man, Charles Revson, who grows up to form Revlon and who in the movie version would be played by that creepy guy who shows up in literally every TV show, Isaac Heller. Revson is responsible for nail polish being so easy and accessible. Early on, he tried to sell his product to both women, who both passed. His bit could have been a short thing just so we knew his name and his deal and that both women passed, and his later enormous success – and his overtaking both Arden and Rubenstein in sales – would have had the same impact on the audience, as we realize oh shit this was probably a big mistake on both their parts. But to have looong boring scenes where he tries to sell his product and then later a whole drawn out mess with his big Revlon commercial/musical number? We did not need to see the TV commercial for Not One of the Main Characters. And we REALLY didn’t need that mess where Arden tries to warn Revson’s model girlfriend that she should be careful being his model because…actually it’s unclear why she felt so sad about the model, except that maybe she meant to say ‘don’t rely on your looks, they fade’ and was guessing at how sad the pretty girl might feel one day? BUT WHY WOULD THAT MAKE A COSMETICS GIANT SAD THAT JUST MEANS SHE’D HAVE A DEFINITE FUTURE CUSTOMER.
In the book (#woodhead), it’s clear that both women’s failure to recognize Revson as a serious player in the cosmetics industry and as a potential competitor was a huge mistake, and I think that could have effectively been shown without giving him unnecessary stage time. The women were too busy concentrating on fighting with and one-upping each other to notice new opponents creeping around them. This is an important fact, but the show addresses it way too messily.
But that competition and rivalry was the best part, creating such drama and intrigue between the two as representatives of their companies. They engaged in back and forth recipe leaking thanks to their partners who swapped companies (that should have been the focus of the men’s stories – that they both left to work in the rival company – AND THAT’S IT), and that led the FDA to require cosmetics to list every single ingredient on the label. We have all the shady dealings of these women to thank for knowing what’s in our stuff. How interesting is that? That’s strong material I wish we saw more of. (There was a Senate hearing or two but I wanted more and I wanted facts!) Both had to rename products and rethink advertising campaigns – especially when we saw both of them sell creams that were identical but one was sold for night and one for day. Companies still pull that shit today though when we can clearly see it’s all the same ingredients!
I also loved that we saw how these amazing women adapted when the war broke out – by creating products specifically for women in action and by veering away from using materials being rationed. This was interesting! Do more of that! I loved that they said they were helping to provide women in action with the war paint (take a shot) they needed to stay strong. The commitment of these women to make the companies they built as strong as possible could have made such a solid show if the creators believed in that story enough. Luckily the two performances are incredible, as I said. And not just their singing; they are some of the best actresses too. Patti’s biggest line, delivered when she is yet again trying to think of ways to destroy her rival, was, “It is dangerous to leave an enemy wounded. The attack must be fatal.” It’s a good line and her delivery was one hundred emoji but it did NOT need to get extended audience applause. What the crap kind of psychopaths was I sitting among.
Christine’s best line won’t really translate to the page, but when she was dismissing all the other sources of competition in the industry (really, they only had eyes for each other), she waves off the idea of being threatened by one of them because “she’s from Hoboken!” Right it sounds like nothing but Ebersole’s delivery was maybe the best of any line ever by anyone and the audience was crying. Patti’s funniest moments were from her ridiculous accent that I LOVED. It made her say things like ‘shits’ instead of ‘sheets’. “Where’s that contract?” “It’s right here on the shits.” Obsessed.
See I complain but there was so much good in this show. I just so badly wanted it to be better. The big number “Face to Face”, the duet performed on the Tonys, felt like an important piece of musical theatre history, just watching these two sing a duet. And Arden’s big 11 o’clock number “Pink”, about how her dismay that her entire life’s legacy might just be boiled down to her signature color, was Tony worthy in my opinion. And honestly, the costumes stand out as the most striking part of the show. They really deserved to win the Tony. I’ve never really noticed costumes before, not enough to realize that I’m noticing them, but I was in awe of Catherine Zuber’s work here. She is flames.
Side note, I learned afterward that Elizabeth Arden’s real name was Florence Nightingale Graham lolol her shitty parents.
So if somehow you have the chance to see this show in the next few days, you should. It’s so frustrating that it wasn’t constructed more thoughtfully and that all the songs aren’t as good as the best ones, but there is still some greatness in the story, and seeing LuPone and Ebersole together is a magical experience.
THEATRE
- The Nederlander redid the bathrooms since I was there last and it’s maybe the best bathroom situation I’ve ever seen in a theatre except for the Lyric, that shit is enormous.
- I got rush tickets for a Saturday matinee right before showtime. Definitely one of the easiest rushes I’ve ever encountered. (Although probably not for its final weekend.)
- This had the latest start of any show I’ve been to, I think. But it was a Saturday matinee and it was the oldest crowd I’ve ever seen too, older even than the people on the cruise I was on 8 years ago when it was me and husband and then 100 people from The Villages retirement home in Florida. So, I guess there’s at least a reason.
STAGEDOOR
OMG are you kidding, you do not stagedoor on two-show days for people of this calibre! They’re not coming out for shit!
The 2015 Tony Awards: 50 or So Random Thoughts That Are Very Important
The best night of the year was last night, did you know? The Tony Awards are my absolute favorite awards and the best night in theatre because you get to see all the living legends and all the future legends and all the most talented people in the world as they just enjoy their fabulously lucky lives. Or enJOY, as my mom says.
The Tonys are even more important to me than the Oscars. I know. It’s just so loving and wonderful aaand, while everything is still political (like dislike of Harvey Weinstein causing his show ‘Finding Neverland’ to be snubbed entirely), it’s not as disgustingly political, and most winners and nominees are still very deserving. Also, musical numbers happen throughout the Tonys, not like the Oscars where it’s just one at the beginning if Hugh or Neil are hosting. And people cry more. And it’s so good. And they shout about gay rights and womens rights and everyone’s progressive and awesome. And everything is beautiful at the ballet. I mean Tonys.
The Tonys are even more important to me than the Oscars. I know. It’s just so loving and wonderful aaand, while everything is still political (like dislike of Harvey Weinstein causing his show ‘Finding Neverland’ to be snubbed entirely), it’s not as disgustingly political, and most winners and nominees are still very deserving. Also, musical numbers happen throughout the Tonys, not like the Oscars where it’s just one at the beginning if Hugh or Neil are hosting. And people cry more. And it’s so good. And they shout about gay rights and womens rights and everyone’s progressive and awesome. And everything is beautiful at the ballet. I mean Tonys.
Actually, this year it was kind of like the ballet so I’m not wrong in quoting ‘A Chorus Line’ (which I don’t think is the most important musical in history like 90% of other theatre buffs do but that’s a post for another time). Between ‘On the Town’, ‘The King and I’, and this year’s frontrunner ‘An American in Paris’, there’s a lot of ballet. A lot! Hell, the dancing stars of those three are making their Broadway debuts after careers spent as actual professional dancers: Megan Fairchild in ‘On the Town’, her little brother the fantastic Robert Fairchild in ‘An American in Paris’, and Xiaochuan Xie who dances the role of Eliza in the super crazy but actually awesome ballet of Uncle Tom’s Cabin in ‘The King and I’. Yes that’s a real sentence I just wrote and a real thing that happens in a Rodgers & Hammerstein musical. We’ll talk more about that in the forthcoming review of that particular show but for now, the Tonys!
I hate those stupid mainstream publications’ recaps that focus on the ’10 Best and Worst Moments’ or some such brief and crappy stuff like that so I am sharing lots of moments that are worth discussing. 50 Odd Foot of Grunt as Russell Crowe would say. Without Hugh or Neil hosting this year, we didn’t get a great big musical opening, but hosts Kristin Chenoweth and Alan Cumming were adorable and pleasant. Despite their larger-than-life personalities, they presented a really low-key, almost casual ceremony this year, in a nice way. Let’s talk about what was good, bad, ugly, awesome, horrendous, and more. I’m doing this in chronological order because ‘Interstellar’ made me understand time on such a deeper level you guys.
The Best Camerawork:
When Alan Cumming began the show by singing ‘Willkommen’, his famous song from his famous role as the Emcee in ‘Cabaret’, a very wise cameraman cut to Joel Grey in the audience, who was the original Emcee on Broadway and in the movie. Best thing the crew did all night, maybe ever.
Second Best Harvey Weinstein Moment:
Kristin and Alan singing “Smile (though your heart is breaking)” to Harvey about how he shouldn’t be too upset his show got ridiculously snubbed because he can count his $1 million-plus weekly box office receipts was pretty funny. But ugh that whole political scene is nauseating. Harvey made some pretty terrible decisions on his first foray into Broadway and he made a lot of enemies in the community, but don’t take it out on the show, halfwits. The same thing happened with the Royal Shakespeare Company’s handling of the ‘Matilda’ transfer a few years ago, and people widely recognize that it was the RSC’s snootiness and terribleness that led to a slightly less deserving ‘Kinky Boots’ to win Best Musical. But, wait, for some reason I don’t feel that it was as wrong to take personal dislike for the RSC out on their show even though ‘Matilda’ is much better than ‘Finding Neverland’. Hm. Maybe it’s because Harvey Weinstein was nice to me when we met and the RSC has never even said hi to me.
Best Joke About Chenoweth’s Size:
When Kristin said that “acceptance speeches are endless…like my legs!” That was funny because she is so small. Do you get it? This was also the only necessary joke about her size.
Most Hilarious Performance:
How fantastic does ‘Something Rotten’ look? That’s #1 on my to-see list (from this season at least) for when I return to NYC. I am overjoyed at such an original musical being so successful and so wonderfully funny. I loved how their big number ‘A Musical’ alludes to so many classic musicals, like when they scrub floors for one split second and sing ‘it’s a mu-si-cal’ to the tune of ‘It’s a Hard-Knock Life’. So fun! I can’t wait.
Worst Missed Opportunity for Unrelated Banter:
Debra Messing and Anna Chlumsky presented together and were wearing almost the exact same dress: same shade of purple, same crisscross neckline. Erma P! But aside from looking at each other and like faux smiling as they walked to the mic, they didn’t even acknowledge it! What the hell, guys! That could have been good! And Anna Wintour was sitting front and center (more on that later) and they didn’t even cut to her skin burning off in fashion-charged anger.
Good Job Doing A Shitty Thing:
I am not a fan of musical nominees performing medleys – it makes it seem like they don’t have one good song or one good production number to show off. They are always disjointed, and instead of sharing a few good songs, as they intend to do, the truncated versions of those songs aren’t good enough to convey what they want. But ‘The King and I’ did a good job with theirs, probably because you can’t screw up that music. So good job. I’m also glad that it allowed for the brilliant Ruthie Ann Miles, whom I love mostly because she took a funny selfie with me, to share some of her amazing solo “Something Wonderful”. She sounded nervous, but that’s understandable, given that it was her first Tonys performance in a big dramatic solo, it was a newfangled medley arrangement, and she was nominated for her first award. But the best part was when the kids were jumping up and down screaming backstage as Kristin and Alan sent to commercial. Now that was adorable.
Best Host Sight Gag:
When they returned from commercial after ‘The King and I’ performance, Alan was dressed as Anna in her big purple evening gown, singing ‘Getting to Know You’, and Kristin in a bald cap dressed as the King crawled out from under his skirt. So freaking funny.
Best Presenting Team:
Bobby Cannavale and real-life love Rose Byrne presented some category I don’t even care what it was I just love them to bits even though the last time I remember him being at the Tonys Sutton Foster was thanking him because they were together. Oops. Anyway I still love them. Hate her dress though.
Kind of Disappointing But Still Great Win:
I like spreading the love around, so I’m kind of upset Christian Borle won his second Tony in a relatively short time frame last night. I really wanted would-be first-timers Brad Oscar or Andy Karl (who was predicted) to win, and either adoraboy from ‘An American in Paris’ would have been deserving as well. I haven’t seen ‘Something Rotten’ yet (cannot wait), but I’ve heard that Borle as Shakespeare is amazing and it was really deserved; I’m sure it was. I just wanted someone to cry. He didn’t even seem surprised, like not at all, totally hey what’s up I’m here she’s here we made it, nothing special. Even if you are Melen Mirren and you are totally a lock, I want you to act surprised when you win a Tony.
Second Most Emotional Win for a Blonde:
I screamed in delight when Annaleigh Ashford won for her ridiculously hilarious turn in ‘You Can’t Take It With You’. She really did win for the worst dancing ever seen on any stage. I am so happy for her! She is such a wonderful talent and I can’t wait to see what she does next. I hope it’s another comedic role because she is probably the funniest comedian on Broadway right now. She really deserved to win for ‘Kinky Boots’, so I’m so glad she won for another very deserving performance. Also, her natural comedic power led to a pretty great speech: “Thank you to every friend I’ve ever had, to every teacher I’ve ever had, and everybody I’ve ever met!” She was so happy and adorable I almost don’t even care that she had notes.
Most Wooden Presenter:
Misty Copeland should not be the next dancer to move to Broadway.
Most Jaw-Dropping Historic Achievement:
TONY YAZBECK MADE ANNA WINTOUR SMILE.
Shoddiest Camerawork:
As usual on the Tonys (so sad that they haven’t learned yet), the cameras had really weird angles during dances and were wayyyy too close during singing solos. Camera person! Move back during dance numbers! Let us see the whole stage at once! It’s okay if you stay still for more than 3 seconds! We won’t think you stopped working or something! And stop taking cues from Tom Hooper during solos! Move the crap back! The audience is never 2 inches out and 1 inch down from a performer’s chin during actual performances so why do you think that’s a good idea for the Tonys?
Um Okay:
It’s nice they did a short little dance tribute to Tommy Tune in honor of his Lifetime Achievement Award, but it would have been a helluva lot better if they let him dance. Or sing. Or accept onstage!
Um Okay #2:
Why is Ashley Tisdale on stage? Just because she was introducing her BFF Vanessa Hudgens? I really loved that she did indeed say ‘my best friend Vanessa Hudgens’ lolol like high school I did love that. But I’m best friends with Ken Watanabe and I didn’t introduce him. Also what you wearing girl. The performance by the cast of ‘Gigi’ would have been halfway decent but Tisdale’s BFF had too many loud awkward shrieks that weren’t in a high enough register so it just sounded kind of creepy. Too many pervy oh’s and ee’s. So awkward. It’s just an overall shame for ‘Gigi’ that it came out the same season as another adaptation of a classic movie set in Paris, written by Alan Jay Lerner, and directed by Vincente Minnelli, and the other one (‘American in Paris’) just happened to be 100x better.
Best Moment for Womankind Since Hillary Became President:
Jeanine Tesori and Lisa Kron not only wrote the best score and book of this year, and of many years actually, but they also made history as the first all-female writing team to win best score. That is HUGE. Depressing for our past, but uplifting for our future. Their work on ‘Fun Home’ is astounding, heart-breaking, beautiful, and so intelligent and layered that I’m still realizing deeper meanings for certain lyrics or lines. That is impressive work. Their speeches were so necessary too, with Jeanine saying that “girls need to see it to be it”, meaning that you can’t just pay lip service and tell young girls they can be anything they want; you have to show them that it’s possible by giving all women the chance.
I also almost wept when the most adorable Joel Grey called it ‘the new American classic’. It is.
Worst Moment for the Art Form:
The continued brush-off of the Best Score and Best Book categories as they are presented during commercial breaks. That is bullshit. Those two pieces are literally the only two components of a musical, yet they aren’t important enough to make the broadcast? What is that about?
Best Performance:
Young Sydney Lucas, a Tony nominee for ‘Fun Home’ at the age of 11 and my choice if I were a voter, performed her big solo ‘Ring of Keys’, which is a genius look into the mind of a young girl as she realizes what is possible in terms of gender and its presentation and how all her jumbled thoughts can be reconciled as she discovers herself. The words sound exactly like something a 10 or so year old kid would say, yet they are still conveying an incredibly mature message and a brilliant look into what’s going on in her mind. And Sydney shows all of that when she sings this song. She is the best child musical actor probably ever and will win someday, I’m sure.
The camera is too close to her face, of course, because the camera people are drunk with power and don’t know how to channel it.
Worst Timing:
I thought the small bit with Kristin Chenoweth in an E.T. costume and Alan saying “I said FUN Home!” (get it, not ‘phone home’) was really funny, but terribly timed to almost coincide with the applause from Sydney’s performance. Just ain’t right.
Worst Timing (Serious):
When Marianne Elliott (yay female director!) was accepting the Best Direction for a Play award for ‘The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime’ (a show I feel like I saw a decade ago in London and ya know it was just a’ight dawg, just a’ight), she mentioned that her agent died on their Broadway opening night. Shit.
Best Green Moment:
Ruthie Ann Miles was as shocked as everyone else when she won, and I am so so happy for her. Everyone expected one of the ‘Fun Home’ ladies to win, as I did, but I am super happy for Ruthie, whom I adore. She broke out just recently as Imelda Marcos in ‘Here Lies Love’ and is already such a force on Broadway, so yay Ruthie! Anyway, she took out her phone to read her speech – which you know I hate, I don’t want anyone to ever prepare anything or have notes – but she deadpanned “Please recycle” to the camera when acknowledging that she wrote her notes on her phone. Love it! I also love that she went on so long that she was actually tap-danced off by the ‘On the Twentieth Century’ porters, as the hosts said would happen in the beginning if the speeches went on too long. Ruthie’s face when she realized the source of that sound was priceless.
The tappers from ‘On the Twentieth Century’ reminded me that they were the best part of that terrible show and that Kristin deserved such a better vehicle for her talents. But again that’s a post for another time.
Most Exciting Commercial Break:
What is this movie, “Bridge of Spies”, and why have I never heard of it! It is total Oscar bait and I am so excited. It stars Tom Hanks and Mark Rylance, like the best people ever, and I am really excited for Mark Rylance to win an Oscar and accept with a random poem and birds and have Hollywood be like, ‘am I hallucinating? What is happening up there?’ like he does when he wins Tonys. J’adore.
Grossest Misuse of a Celebrity:
Sting appeared only to thank the American Theatre Wing. Which is necessary and important, because the ATW makes all of this possible, but STING? Anyone could have read a few lines. Why didn’t they have Sting sing something? Or, better yet, feature ‘The Last Ship’, a very underrated show with hauntingly beautiful music?
Most British Moment:
The lead producer of ‘Curious Incident’, Tom Levy, accepted his award like someone just handed him a list of his duties for that work day. Like, I live in London now, I get that Britons aren’t allowed to smile or show emotion, but you just won a Tony, man! Get the stick out.
Most Adorable Fanboying:
Alan Cumming grasping his face every time he mentioned Josh Groban. I get it, man.
Funniest Host Bit:
I loved Kristin and Alan’s discussion of upcoming movie remakes of recent plays, especially when Kristin announced that she got the call for the animated version of ‘Skylight’ (oh dear) and was ‘playing the spaghetti bolognese’ that Carey Mulligan makes every night. Amazing.
Meanest Girl:
Amanda Seyfried does not seem like a hoot.
Randomest Presenting Team:
Jennifer Lopez, Nick Jonas, and Kiesza. I mean. What? They introduced ‘Finding Neverland’ because they are all on the pop version of the album? What is THAT? J-Lo couldn’t stop laughing, Nick Jonas couldn’t even remember who he was so I doubt the audience knew. And that other girl, Kiesza? Is that the new Czech persona of Ke$ha??
Lamest Result of Overvoting:
Overvoting is when voters get so excited about a show that they just vote for it mindlessly, leading to it winning in categories it doesn’t really deserve. It gets swept up in the hype. The worst casualty in my book this year was for set design. ‘An American in Paris’ won, okay, cool. But did you even SEE ‘The King and I’? I have seen most Broadway productions for at least the past decade. A set piece has NEVER, EVER, EVER gotten show-stopping applause during a show, until I saw ‘The King and I’ and that boat that opens the show just leaves everyone spellbound. It is a miraculous piece of theatre magic and should have won. Fo shame.
Best Random Interaction:
Joe Manganiello, talking about Carnegie Mellon for some reason, asks fellow CMU alum Darren Criss who his inspiration was. A truly game Darren responds without a beat: “I’ve seen ‘Magic Mike’ so I have to say I learned a lot from you!” Now that actually makes me like Darren Criss a little.
Best Repeat Winner:
I am so, so thrilled that Michael Cerveris won for his devastating portrayal of the late Bruce Bechdel in ‘Fun Home’. While newcomer Robert Fairchild (whom Cerveris called Fitzgerald, suchhh a bad brain fart, Cerveza) would have been equally deserving, the role of Bruce is such an important one for Cerveris and for theatre. It’s just wonderful and heartbreaking and I don’t care at all about spreading the wealth here. (Also he won more than a decade ago.)
NPH’s Best Oscars Moment:
Neil Patrick Harris’s best moment as Oscars host actually happened at the Tonys. Before announcing Best Leading Actress in a Musical, NPH said he had made some predictions that were locked in a box the whole show, before he was stopped. Ha ha. You were not a great Oscars host, that’s the joke, tee hee. “That’s a drag, because it went so well last time!” Aw, NPH, we love you.
Worst Decision:
I can’t believe they didn’t televise the awarding of John Cameron Mitchell’s Special Tony for returning to the role of Hedwig. I love him and he probably said some wonderful things but I don’t know because stupid producers put him during the commercials. JCM DESERVES BETTER.
Worst Audience Reaction:
Stupid people who get to go to the Tonys/Oscars/Grammys/any awards that honors the deceased, do NOT, I repeat, do NOT, woo and cheer for the person singing the In Memoriam. I don’t care that it’s Josh Groban, you make it seem like you are excited for the dead people. Then, once you get over the singer, DO NOT woo or cheer for the actual dead people FFS!!!!!! Who lets these people into the Tonys? Don’t applaud for the dead people you liked best you halfwits! Be silent and remember and honor all of these people. Don’t make everything a popularity contest you moronic shitbags I f-ing hate all of you who have applauded during an In Memoriam segment. I tweeted earlier that I hope anyone who cheers during an In Memoriam never gets to be a part of one, and while I think they would be really good punishment for most offenders, it’s not enough. Just shut up, not everything is about how you feel about something.
Most Emotional Win for a Blonde/Anyone Ever:
KELLI MY QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kelli O’Hara, six-time nominee and the most deserving at least twice in the past (cough 2005 and 2014 cough), finally FINALLY won a Tony. And it was not out of sympathy, because I really think she gave the best actress performance this year. Kristin Chenoweth, the slightly more expected winner, gave a spectacular performance but in a terrible show, and Kelli added so much depth and roundedness to a character we thought we knew everything about, and stunned everyone with her never-ending wealth of talents. Also, she danced off the stage in glee. Now that was adorable!
KELLI MY QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kelli O’Hara, six-time nominee and the most deserving at least twice in the past (cough 2005 and 2014 cough), finally FINALLY won a Tony. And it was not out of sympathy, because I really think she gave the best actress performance this year. Kristin Chenoweth, the slightly more expected winner, gave a spectacular performance but in a terrible show, and Kelli added so much depth and roundedness to a character we thought we knew everything about, and stunned everyone with her never-ending wealth of talents. Also, she danced off the stage in glee. Now that was adorable!
Best Audience Reaction:
The standing ovation they gave the much-deserving, always deserving, completely patient Kelli O’Hara, the queen of everything.
Best Presenter Banter, Probably Ever:
Larry David and Jason Alexander, different versions of the same guy I guess, presented the award for Best Musical, but first they went on and on with each other about how Larry’s show wasn’t nominated but he’s the bigger man for showing up or is a loser and yada yada yada it was hysterical. Jason first said that tomorrow he will be replacing Larry in ‘Fish in the Dark’, to which Larry said, “Well…you’re not really replacing, you’re just stepping in.” To which Jason mentioned his 7 Emmy nominations. To which Larry mentioned that the true measure of a man is NOT being nominated but still coming to read a list of people who are nominated. On it went. It’s too bad Larry’s play is already sold out because I’m sure they would have sold a lot of tickets with that bit. “Laughing until their faces are contorted into an anguished mask, that can best be described as a sort of…Bells Palsy.” Then Larry said it was anti-Semitism that caused the lack of nominations for him and for Harvey Weinstein, who clearly loved that line. Amazing.
WTF Moment:
WTF (that’s why not what) does Anna Wintour have a prime aisle seat?
So Who Won?
The point of the Tonys, at least for producers of current productions, is to get viewers to want to see their shows. So What do I want to see more than anything after this telecast? ‘Something Rotten’, which gave a fantastic performance, and ‘Hand to God’, funnily enough, which showed a really intriguing clip. And the beyond brilliant, beyond integral, totally flawless ‘Fun Home’ again. What do you want to see?
