Emmy Awards 2018: What You Need to Know Before this Garbageby Randi / September 17, 2018
It’s Theatre Thursday! We’re talking about Othello, playing at Shakespeare’s Globe in London until October 13.
Othello is a bananas insulting play. We don’t need to hold Shakespeare to the standards of modern society in terms of equality (mainly feminism (and racism) (okay all equality kinds)) because the 400 year difference in eras makes that a fool’s errand, and pretty much all of Shakespeare’s works can be excused as ‘old-fashioned’ or ‘a product of its era’ in terms of equality and feminist ideals. But, hoo boy, Othello is a special one. It’s been a minute since I read it, so the details outside of ‘bad man convinces other man that wife is cheating and should die’ had fled my mind, but now that my memory has been refreshed, well there’s not much more I’d add to that gist. Not the most progressive stuff in this day and age, but the current production at the Globe, starring my man Mark Rylance, is faultless (other than the plot obvs), and it’s a must-see for any fans of Shakespeare, Mark, and/or theatre. What a fantastic production that will make you feel like you just got punched in the throat.
Othello is a bananas insulting play. We don’t need to hold Shakespeare to the standards of modern society in terms of equality (mainly feminism (and racism) (okay all equality kinds)) because the 400 year difference in eras makes that a fool’s errand, and pretty much all of Shakespeare’s works can be excused as ‘old-fashioned’ or ‘a product of its era’ in terms of equality and feminist ideals. But, hoo boy, Othello is a special one. It’s been a minute since I read it, so the details outside of ‘bad man convinces other man that wife is cheating and should die’ had fled my mind, but now that my memory has been refreshed, well there’s not much more I’d add to that gist. Not the most progressive stuff in this day and age, but the current production at the Globe, starring my man Mark Rylance, is faultless (other than the plot obvs), and it’s a must-see for any fans of Shakespeare, Mark, and/or theatre. What a fantastic production that will make you feel like you just got punched in the throat.
It’s so important to see this production that I was a GROUNDLING for the first time. In a nod to authenticity, the Globe in London still has the whole floor (where the stalls/orchestra seats would be in a normal theatre) reserved for the po-pos, called groundlings, who stand wherever they want and push each other around and tend to display all kinds of boorish behavior (-100 points!) for only 5 pounddollars! Three hours of standing for only $5, how lucky AM I? People love the groundling experience, and I will admit that it was very cool to see Shakespeare in the tradition of how people saw his plays back in the day, but only for like 20 minutes and then my feet hurt.
As for the plot aside from my barebones recounting of it above, I was a little confused at the beginning because, as a groundling, I was trying to get used to said boorish behavior of those around me. STOP TALKING IN THE THEATRE, EVERYONE! But I caught on. So there’s this skinny blond rich twink named Roderigo who is sad because he’s in love with a lady named Desdemona (sure you are) and she just secretly married a black man named Othello, and Roderigo is like how dare a woman marry who she loves. Roddy’s doing all his manly complaining to his friend Iago (dun dun DUNNNN) who is an officer, and Iago is like ‘okay I can get on board with hating this couple because Othello, the general of the army, just promoted this dude Cassio instead of me, even though I’m clearly a respectable soldier who isn’t proving Othello’s decision right or anything with my scheming, no way.’ Othello is a moor from Venice which means he is dark-skinned and everyone back then (lol not now no sir) was hella racist so that plays into the men’s distrust and dislike of him as well. They start plotting against Othello, although Roddy doesn’t really seem into the deathly parts but maybe I missed that because I was distracted by his appearance like he was waiting for the clubs to open in Barthelona. Iago is played by the great Mark Rylance in a real departure from his usual characters, since he is SO LOVABLE and Iago is NOT. His Iago contains some of Mark’s trademark awkwardness and is a little doofy so his evil is really not obvious. Sometimes his portrayal didn’t really jive for me because I was concerned that he was like confused from a head injury. It’s a very different take but it makes sense that no one would suspect this sometimes-bumbling fool to be plotting super bad things.
As for the plot aside from my barebones recounting of it above, I was a little confused at the beginning because, as a groundling, I was trying to get used to said boorish behavior of those around me. STOP TALKING IN THE THEATRE, EVERYONE! But I caught on. So there’s this skinny blond rich twink named Roderigo who is sad because he’s in love with a lady named Desdemona (sure you are) and she just secretly married a black man named Othello, and Roderigo is like how dare a woman marry who she loves. Roddy’s doing all his manly complaining to his friend Iago (dun dun DUNNNN) who is an officer, and Iago is like ‘okay I can get on board with hating this couple because Othello, the general of the army, just promoted this dude Cassio instead of me, even though I’m clearly a respectable soldier who isn’t proving Othello’s decision right or anything with my scheming, no way.’ Othello is a moor from Venice which means he is dark-skinned and everyone back then (lol not now no sir) was hella racist so that plays into the men’s distrust and dislike of him as well. They start plotting against Othello, although Roddy doesn’t really seem into the deathly parts but maybe I missed that because I was distracted by his appearance like he was waiting for the clubs to open in Barthelona. Iago is played by the great Mark Rylance in a real departure from his usual characters, since he is SO LOVABLE and Iago is NOT. His Iago contains some of Mark’s trademark awkwardness and is a little doofy so his evil is really not obvious. Sometimes his portrayal didn’t really jive for me because I was concerned that he was like confused from a head injury. It’s a very different take but it makes sense that no one would suspect this sometimes-bumbling fool to be plotting super bad things.
WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE A LOBBY BOY?
But plotting bad things he is! He does all kinds of dastardly little things like leaving handkerchiefs in telling places and whispering sweet nothings into Othello’s ear to make him doubt his wife. He of course has to bring Cassio into this, the man who got the promotion instead of him, and take him down too by having it look like Desdemona and Cassio are having an affair. I think we’re supposed to maybe feel sorry for Othello that he is so easily tricked by Iago but like, dude, how about talk to your wife first instead of killing her? But like also even if she was cheating, she doesn’t deserve to die, man, just get a forking divorce. MEN ARE SCARY. More on that later.
Othello was played by Andre Holland, the actor from ‘The Knick’ but really ‘Moonlight’ because I never watched ‘The Knick’. I’ve never seen or heard of him doing Shakespeare or anything of the sort before, and he was wonderful. He seemed so comfortable on this very challenging stage, and when you can hold your own against Mark Rylance, who kind of is the Globe theatre, you’re prettayyy awesome. Most of their supporting cast was great too. Jessica Warbeck’s Desdemona was solid, and given that I think Desdemona kind of sucks to play (she doesn’t do anything except be nice (and kind of bland) and then she dies and like isn’t mad) she seemed to be dedicated to her role. Aaron Pierre’s Cassio was one of my favorites, probably because he is the only decent man onstage. And let’s talk about Sheila Atim as Emilia, Iago’s wife. Not that I’d in a million years buy her married to Mark Rylance, but she is so magnetic and watchable in anything, even when she’s not singing. But they shoeshorned a few musical moments into this play literally just to make her sing (she did just win an Olivier for a musical), which I fully appreciated even if it was a little too shoehorny. But my god, she is so good. You kind of want to scream at Emilia for helping her husband with the whole planting the handkerchief scheme, and sure she doesn’t know that he is so wickedly scheming and she’s just having fun with her husband but like come on don’t be so daft. But you can’t be mad at Sheila Atim.
Also Sheila looked absolute FIRE in her space-age golden jumpsuit with shoulder pads straight out of the closet of a Star Trek Admiral’s closet. I almost yelled ‘fire’ too which is bad/illegal in a crowded theatre and extra bad considering this one’s burned down before but DAYUM. The costumer clearly loved Sheila and hated Jessica, though, because Desdemona’s Act II black velvet-looking gown was notttt flattering, mostly because it had my most-hated fashion don’t – cut outs in weird places. This dress fell victim to the worst culprit of all – the chest cutout, so somewhere between the neck and the cleavage there was an oval of missing fabric. THIS IS NOT A GUD FASHUN, EVERYONE. It’s actually really important to get the costumes right because in this instance it was so unattractive and misguided that for a second I was like ‘ugh kill it’ and then like, he did.
So let’s circle back now to the whole ‘Othello killed his wife because he thought she was cheating, but she wasn’t, so it’s sooo sad’ thing. Say this out loud with me: Even if she was cheating, she doesn’t deserve to die! It still would have been sad if Iago was right and they were having an affair because it would be a man taking justice into his own hands and really doing all he can to one-up his wife’s wrongdoing by doing a MURDER. It is not sad because an innocent woman died; it is sad because a woman died. I feel like Othello’s remorse at the end when he realizes Desdie wasn’t cheating mirrors John McCain’s famed town hall answer to that racist blonde woman’s question. In case you didn’t see the video that was widely used after his death to show that McCain was ‘one of the good Republicans’, a horrible woman said she didn’t trust Obama because she read that he was an Arab. McCain answered, “No ma’am, he’s a decent family man.’ And PEOPLE ARE USING THIS TO PROVE WHAT A SAINT HE WAS. The good answer in this situation, in case you too are a racist monster, is ‘He’s not an Arab but ARABS CAN BE GOOD PEOPLE TOO’, not ‘he’s not an Arab AND SO he’s a good person.’ MAN ALIVE (Or in this case, not (too soon?!)). Anyway, so I see a connection between this bonkers but ‘light-level’ racism being used to shore up McCain’s persona, and Othello’s ‘oh my god I shouldn’t have killed my wife, she was faithful to me after all’ realization. BOTH ARE THE WRONG TAKES, MEN.
And so this play leaves me infuriated, because the message seems to be that jealousy is bad, and you should trust your wife, and you should communicate better, when it should also include a bit about not killing anyone regardless of their wrongdoing. In the same summer I saw Carousel on Broadway – unaltered in its portrayal of a serial abuser, and so wrongheaded in this day and age – I can’t help but just sigh loudly and groan that men are trash. I am, however, very pleased with this production and this cast and the Globe’s return to faithful interpretations of classics, and I definitely recommend you see this if you can, but like, ughhh.
Othello was played by Andre Holland, the actor from ‘The Knick’ but really ‘Moonlight’ because I never watched ‘The Knick’. I’ve never seen or heard of him doing Shakespeare or anything of the sort before, and he was wonderful. He seemed so comfortable on this very challenging stage, and when you can hold your own against Mark Rylance, who kind of is the Globe theatre, you’re prettayyy awesome. Most of their supporting cast was great too. Jessica Warbeck’s Desdemona was solid, and given that I think Desdemona kind of sucks to play (she doesn’t do anything except be nice (and kind of bland) and then she dies and like isn’t mad) she seemed to be dedicated to her role. Aaron Pierre’s Cassio was one of my favorites, probably because he is the only decent man onstage. And let’s talk about Sheila Atim as Emilia, Iago’s wife. Not that I’d in a million years buy her married to Mark Rylance, but she is so magnetic and watchable in anything, even when she’s not singing. But they shoeshorned a few musical moments into this play literally just to make her sing (she did just win an Olivier for a musical), which I fully appreciated even if it was a little too shoehorny. But my god, she is so good. You kind of want to scream at Emilia for helping her husband with the whole planting the handkerchief scheme, and sure she doesn’t know that he is so wickedly scheming and she’s just having fun with her husband but like come on don’t be so daft. But you can’t be mad at Sheila Atim.
Also Sheila looked absolute FIRE in her space-age golden jumpsuit with shoulder pads straight out of the closet of a Star Trek Admiral’s closet. I almost yelled ‘fire’ too which is bad/illegal in a crowded theatre and extra bad considering this one’s burned down before but DAYUM. The costumer clearly loved Sheila and hated Jessica, though, because Desdemona’s Act II black velvet-looking gown was notttt flattering, mostly because it had my most-hated fashion don’t – cut outs in weird places. This dress fell victim to the worst culprit of all – the chest cutout, so somewhere between the neck and the cleavage there was an oval of missing fabric. THIS IS NOT A GUD FASHUN, EVERYONE. It’s actually really important to get the costumes right because in this instance it was so unattractive and misguided that for a second I was like ‘ugh kill it’ and then like, he did.
So let’s circle back now to the whole ‘Othello killed his wife because he thought she was cheating, but she wasn’t, so it’s sooo sad’ thing. Say this out loud with me: Even if she was cheating, she doesn’t deserve to die! It still would have been sad if Iago was right and they were having an affair because it would be a man taking justice into his own hands and really doing all he can to one-up his wife’s wrongdoing by doing a MURDER. It is not sad because an innocent woman died; it is sad because a woman died. I feel like Othello’s remorse at the end when he realizes Desdie wasn’t cheating mirrors John McCain’s famed town hall answer to that racist blonde woman’s question. In case you didn’t see the video that was widely used after his death to show that McCain was ‘one of the good Republicans’, a horrible woman said she didn’t trust Obama because she read that he was an Arab. McCain answered, “No ma’am, he’s a decent family man.’ And PEOPLE ARE USING THIS TO PROVE WHAT A SAINT HE WAS. The good answer in this situation, in case you too are a racist monster, is ‘He’s not an Arab but ARABS CAN BE GOOD PEOPLE TOO’, not ‘he’s not an Arab AND SO he’s a good person.’ MAN ALIVE (Or in this case, not (too soon?!)). Anyway, so I see a connection between this bonkers but ‘light-level’ racism being used to shore up McCain’s persona, and Othello’s ‘oh my god I shouldn’t have killed my wife, she was faithful to me after all’ realization. BOTH ARE THE WRONG TAKES, MEN.
And so this play leaves me infuriated, because the message seems to be that jealousy is bad, and you should trust your wife, and you should communicate better, when it should also include a bit about not killing anyone regardless of their wrongdoing. In the same summer I saw Carousel on Broadway – unaltered in its portrayal of a serial abuser, and so wrongheaded in this day and age – I can’t help but just sigh loudly and groan that men are trash. I am, however, very pleased with this production and this cast and the Globe’s return to faithful interpretations of classics, and I definitely recommend you see this if you can, but like, ughhh.
Related Posts
65th Primetime Emmy Award Predictions!
Are you going to win again, Alec?
Tomorrow night, the 65th Primetime Emmy Awards will air and no doubt fill me with rage, incredulity, and of course awe (when watching host Neil Patrick Harris).
It’s no secret that I believe the Emmys to be the most ludicrously political and meaningless of the major awards. More than the Oscars, the Tonys, the Globes, and the SAGs, the Primetime Emmy award nominations are notoriously nonsensical. They usually correlate more to popular audience opinion (e.g., The Big Bang Theory over Community) and not critical thought. You might be one of the many who believe that popular opinion should drive such awards, but I’m an entertainment snob and I want the critical darlings to win (at least the ones that I like).
Despite the rage, I can’t not watch, I can’t not have opinions and keep fueling my anger about the nominations and, soon, the winners. Here are my thoughts about what should happen tomorrow, and what should have happened months ago.
It’s no secret that I believe the Emmys to be the most ludicrously political and meaningless of the major awards. More than the Oscars, the Tonys, the Globes, and the SAGs, the Primetime Emmy award nominations are notoriously nonsensical. They usually correlate more to popular audience opinion (e.g., The Big Bang Theory over Community) and not critical thought. You might be one of the many who believe that popular opinion should drive such awards, but I’m an entertainment snob and I want the critical darlings to win (at least the ones that I like).
Despite the rage, I can’t not watch, I can’t not have opinions and keep fueling my anger about the nominations and, soon, the winners. Here are my thoughts about what should happen tomorrow, and what should have happened months ago.
|
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad Hugh Bonneville, Downton Abbey Damian Lewis, Homeland Kevin Spacey, House of Cards Jon Hamm, Mad Men Jeff Daniels, Newsroom |
FIRST OF ALL, there should be 5 nominees in each category. These expanded acting categories are not doing anyone any favors. It should mean something to be nominated.
I’m usually not a fan of someone winning multiple times; I’m very socialist in my awards desires. But Bryan Cranston is deserving, in this last season of ‘Breaking Bad’. He has made Walter one of the most important characters in dramatic television, and should be rewarded. Possible spoiler: Spacey, because he’s Spacey, and this Netflix revolution in quality programming is something special that they may honor in some way here. |
|
Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series
Vera Farmiga, Bates Motel Michelle Dockery, Downton Abbey Claire Danes, Homeland Robin Wright, House of Cards Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men Connie Britton, Nashville Kerry Washington, Scandal |
First, note that there are SEVEN nominees. As stated above, when categories are expanded like this, it means less and less. A nomination should not be a consolation for great work – every employed actor should be doing great work. These slots should reflect more than that, pure excellence. Instead, it’s just a way to get in everyone who is good at their job. Or in the case of Connie Britton, someone who isn’t great in her current role, but whom the voters liked in her last role, and in real life. Obviously, I do not think she belongs here. Same for Michelle Dockery, who, while serviceable, is not deserving of a nod.
My vote is for Kerry Washington, in the most exciting show I’ve seen lately. There’s no season premiere I’m looking forward to more than ‘Scandal’. She carries a strong ensemble and I’m completely on board with her no matter how cray cray it gets. I mean, Olivia motherf-ing Pope, amiright. Spoiler definitely Danes, who is the least spoily spoiler ever and is probably most people’s first choice. Actual spoiler could be Moss, who is always deserving for a show that has never won an acting Emmy. |
|
Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series
Jason Bateman, Arrested Development Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory Matt LeBlanc, Episodes Don Cheadle, House of Lies Louis C.K., Louie Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock |
Really, as long as Jim Parsons doesn’t win, I’ll be happy. When he won the first time, it was magical. It was deserved. When he won the second time, over Steve Carell in his last season of ‘The Office’, it was pretty terrible. If he wins a third time?? Nope. Not ok. He is very funny as Sheldon, but not 3 Emmys funny. I would be happy for Alec to win again for the ‘30 Rock’ last season, but Louie will probably win, deservedly, because once the Emmy voters think they are doing something hip, they stick with it. (See, e.g., Parsons.) I’d be happy with Cheadler or Bateman as well.
|
|
Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series
Laura Dern, Enlightened Lena Dunham, Girls Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie Amy Poehler, Parks & Recreation Tina Fey, 30 Rock Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep |
She’s not going to win, but she should. Poehler’s Leslie Knope is one of the most lovable characters in television, leading an excellent ensemble and ensuring that each episode is funny, ridiculous, and heartwarming all at once. I’d be voting for her. Since the first three nominees should be in drama categories, watch for yet another win for Fey or Julia L-D, for their great work. |
|
Outstanding Comedy Series
The Big Bang Theory Girls Louie Modern Family 30 Rock Veep |
Veep’s second season was even stronger than its first, and out of these nominees it should be honored. I would have loved for 30 Rock to win in its final season, but the past year was badly tarnished by the awful character of Hazel. It really ruined things. Modern Family and BBT are funny but stale and unexciting, and Girls is a drama.
|
|
Outstanding Drama Series
Breaking Bad Downton Abbey Game Of Thrones Homeland House Of Cards Mad Men |
Homeland is sick levels of awesome. It really is, and should be honored. But it’s Breaking Bad’s final season, and it’s also a sickly awesome show that will probably get the win. Aside from Downton, which is getting increasingly boring, and Mad Men, which had a very weak season, all of the other nominees would be quality winners.
|
|
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series
Bobby Cannavale, Boardwalk Empire Jonathan Banks, Breaking Bad Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad Jim Carter, Downton Abbey Peter Dinklage, Game Of Thrones Mandy Patinkin, Homeland |
Ohhh how I want Mandy to win! His Saul is fantastic, as is everything he does. But Paul will win again for his final season, not undeservedly. I love that my boy Bobby Cannavale is nominated, too. Dinklage won before and his accent is getting worse. Oh I want Mandy to win!
 Win, Mandy! |
|
Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series
Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey Emilia Clarke, Game Of Thrones Christine Baranski, The Good Wife Morena Baccarin, Homeland Christina Hendricks, Mad Men |
How random is this category? Jessica Brody? Daenarys? The most hated character in cable TV, Anna Gunn? If I were voting, I’d actually vote for Emilia, but only because I feel bad that her Broadway debut was an utter failure and I want to make her happier. I think Anna Gunn would be the most deserving winner. If Maggie Smith wins, it would be the epitome of the Emmys – voting for someone they like with absolutely no thought given to the actual role. She has one line per episode! Yes, it’s usually the best part, but c’mon. C’MON!
|
|
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series
Adam Driver, Girls Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family Ed O’Neill, Modern Family Ty Burrell, Modern Family Bill Hader, SNL Tony Hale, Veep |
Honestly, I’d be happy with anyone but the Modern Family guys. I’m so sick of this being the Modern Family category. I’m hoping they will cancel each other out and let the wildly deserving Hader sneak in. He won’t, I’m not saying that will happen, but I’d love it. I’d actually love if Hale or Driver won as well. Aside from the Modern Family monotony, this is actually a really fun bunch of nominations.
|
|
Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory Jane Lynch, Glee Anna Chlumsky, Veep Merritt Wever, Nurse Jackie Sofia Vergara, Modern Family Julie Bowen, Modern Family |
Actually, if I could make one award happen tomorrow, it would be for Jane to win. As Jenna Maroney, she has concocted one of the most insane, amazing characters ever. It’s a crime that she has not won already. I’d be happy with Chlumsky, because she is the best (she’s ‘My Girl’!) and is great on Veep. But Jane must win!!
If Bowen, Lynch, or Vergara win, I mean…no, please. |
Lastly, I must say that it is a crime that Shaiman & Wittman didn’t win at the Creatives for their work writing the music on ‘Smash’. ‘Smash’ was vilified as a show, but the music was superb. SUPERB. It could have won a Tony for Best Score in any season, and it should have won here. Ironic that it lost to the opening number from the Tonys, which was funny but nowhere near as fantastic as the ‘Smash’ songs. The loss might have been guaranteed when the two songs nominated, ‘Hang the Moon’ and ‘I Heard Your Voice In A Dream’, were announced, because they weren’t the strongest. But still, I’m pissed that Shaiman & Wittman didn’t add an Emmy to their award collection. They are too good for the Emmys.
Who do you guys want to win?
Who do you guys want to win?
The Annual Oscar Roundup: All (Not All) The Movies We Need To Discuss
HAPPY OSCAR WEEKEND! Wow, this year was really a fantastic one for movies. I think it might be the strongest season in many years. There’s no clear best movie of the year, no head-to-head pairing of the only two strong contenders or anything like that that we’ve seen in recent years. This year is the first in a long time where I can remember loving several films and being open to any of them being called the best of the year, a meaningless politically-driven title that we still can get excited about even when we realize that. As usual, I’m going to include in this roundup a bunch of movies that came out in the past year but have no business being anywhere near the Oscary ones, because I have things to say about them. Unfortunately, I have seen fewer Oscar and non-Oscar movies than normal in the past year, because of reasons. (I also had access to approximately zero screeners this year; can you please change that for next anyone powerful reading this?) But even so, this year’s bunch gives me hope that despite society failing us in literally every single other way, movies seem to be improving. Huzzah?
BAD MOMS 2
BATTLE OF THE SEXES
THE BIG SICK
BLADERUNNER 2049
BORG MCENROE
BREATHE
CALL ME BY YOUR NAME
DARKEST HOUR
THE DISASTER ARTIST
DUNKIRK
GET OUT
THE HOUSE
I TONYA
LADY BIRD
LOVING VINCENT
MUDBOUND
MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS
PHANTOM THREAD
THE POST
THE SHAPE OF WATER
STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI
THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI
BATTLE OF THE SEXES
THE BIG SICK
BLADERUNNER 2049
BORG MCENROE
BREATHE
CALL ME BY YOUR NAME
DARKEST HOUR
THE DISASTER ARTIST
DUNKIRK
GET OUT
THE HOUSE
I TONYA
LADY BIRD
LOVING VINCENT
MUDBOUND
MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS
PHANTOM THREAD
THE POST
THE SHAPE OF WATER
STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI
THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI
I know, I know, you’re like you’re starting with ‘Bad Moms 2’? Who’s got the what now? I know it’s not anywhere close to an Oscary movie but it represents the theme of this year’s crop – bad moms. Some of them may have reasons excusing their behavior (Frances McDormand in “Three Billboards”); some are normal-people levels of sometimes-bad, usually saying the wrong thing and not being very supportive (Laurie Metcalf in “Lady Bird”); and some are so unforgivably horrid that their kids should cast them aside – like Allison Janney in “I, Tonya”, and like all the moms of our main characters in this pile of a movie.
The first “Bad Moms” was hilarious and fun, so I was excited to see the sequel. Man alive was this a piece of shit. I don’t know whose idea it was to make our three main protagonist moms have mothers closest to the Allison Janney-type, but that did not pay off in any way. It’s one thing to portray complicated relationships that are worth working through and strengthening (like in “Lady Bird”). It’s another to just be a complete shit of a person who doesn’t deserve nice people in her life, and to use these awful examples of mothers who shouldn’t have children to try to say that, what, you should always love and cherish your family, even if they are toxic? That’s dangerous bullshit that no one should ever listen to. If someone in your life is destroying you, cut them out, no matter who it is. Christine Baranski as Mila Kunis’s mom was verbally abusive and beyond dismissive of her daughter, and Mila should have cut her from her life. It wasn’t funny, and there was no reason for Mila’s character to suffer through all of that just because it’s her mother. Also, Peter Gallagher as a soft ball-less skinbag of a man should have left her ages ago instead of sitting back quietly and letting her destroy nice people. I guess ever since Jody Sawyer told him ‘sorry not sorry but I don’t need you to teach me ballet’, he’s had no sense of self. Next we have Susan Sarandon, Horrible Ignorant American, as the mother of Kathryn Hahn, American Treasure. This piece of work abandoned her kid long ago and only comes back when she needs money, like now, or when she wants to spout really asinine political theories like how Jill Stein was not a Russian plant meant to divert support from a great lady we never deserved. Cut her off, Kathryn. Lastly, we have Cheryl Hines as Kristen Bell’s mother, a legit crazy woman with no boundaries who buys the house next door to her daughter without telling her, copies her haircut to look just like her, and watches her have sex and TAKES NOTES. This woman is a terrifying monster who puts the likes of Single White Female to shame, and Kristen should have run far away from her. When the two of them go to therapy and Wanda Sykes says that it’s Kristen’s fault because her mom may have been normal before she had her (I can’t), I was so enraged I shot up out of my seat, threw a cup of water at the screen, and tried to leave the room so I could violently slam the door to express my fury at such an irresponsible, dangerous take on this situation. Unfortunately I was watching on an airplane, so I could not complete that mission. I could turn it off though, so yay for me. I want to meet whoever wrote this movie, especially that therapy scene, and slap him in the face. And you know it’s a ‘him’, because he does not understand shit.
The first “Bad Moms” was hilarious and fun, so I was excited to see the sequel. Man alive was this a piece of shit. I don’t know whose idea it was to make our three main protagonist moms have mothers closest to the Allison Janney-type, but that did not pay off in any way. It’s one thing to portray complicated relationships that are worth working through and strengthening (like in “Lady Bird”). It’s another to just be a complete shit of a person who doesn’t deserve nice people in her life, and to use these awful examples of mothers who shouldn’t have children to try to say that, what, you should always love and cherish your family, even if they are toxic? That’s dangerous bullshit that no one should ever listen to. If someone in your life is destroying you, cut them out, no matter who it is. Christine Baranski as Mila Kunis’s mom was verbally abusive and beyond dismissive of her daughter, and Mila should have cut her from her life. It wasn’t funny, and there was no reason for Mila’s character to suffer through all of that just because it’s her mother. Also, Peter Gallagher as a soft ball-less skinbag of a man should have left her ages ago instead of sitting back quietly and letting her destroy nice people. I guess ever since Jody Sawyer told him ‘sorry not sorry but I don’t need you to teach me ballet’, he’s had no sense of self. Next we have Susan Sarandon, Horrible Ignorant American, as the mother of Kathryn Hahn, American Treasure. This piece of work abandoned her kid long ago and only comes back when she needs money, like now, or when she wants to spout really asinine political theories like how Jill Stein was not a Russian plant meant to divert support from a great lady we never deserved. Cut her off, Kathryn. Lastly, we have Cheryl Hines as Kristen Bell’s mother, a legit crazy woman with no boundaries who buys the house next door to her daughter without telling her, copies her haircut to look just like her, and watches her have sex and TAKES NOTES. This woman is a terrifying monster who puts the likes of Single White Female to shame, and Kristen should have run far away from her. When the two of them go to therapy and Wanda Sykes says that it’s Kristen’s fault because her mom may have been normal before she had her (I can’t), I was so enraged I shot up out of my seat, threw a cup of water at the screen, and tried to leave the room so I could violently slam the door to express my fury at such an irresponsible, dangerous take on this situation. Unfortunately I was watching on an airplane, so I could not complete that mission. I could turn it off though, so yay for me. I want to meet whoever wrote this movie, especially that therapy scene, and slap him in the face. And you know it’s a ‘him’, because he does not understand shit.
Emma Stone starring as Billie Jean King?? I was all in like Luke on Lorelai before the Palladinos destroyed him in Season 6. I love BJK, feminist pioneer and tennis wonder, and tennis is my favorite sport, and Steve Carell is great, and Emma Stone is always good in everything she does even if it’s a TAD presumptuous to have ALREADY given her an Oscar (I’M OVER IT OKAY). But no, this movie was utter tosh. (I’m so British now.) (Did I use tosh right?) It was 4% Billie Jean being good at tennis, 15% Steve Carell being as annoying as humanly possible, and 120% lesbian sex scenes and close-ups of Emma’s very thin lips quivering as she sees lady parts. I DID NOT NEED SEX IN A TENNIS MOVIE.
Sure you might be saying ‘but it’s sort of a biopic of Billie Jean and she had to discover her true sexuality at some point’, and that’s true and well and good, but this movie wasn’t called “The Billie Jean King Story”; it was called “Battle of the Sexes” because it was specifically about the historic match of that name against Bobby Riggs, male chauvinist asswagon. (I combined asshole (or asshat! both good choices!) and jackwagon.) I understand that Billie’s struggle with hiding her sexuality threw her off kilter leading up to the match, but like, that’s all the movie was about. That and Steve Carell prancing about in costumes to prove that men are better (at wearing costumes?) and for some reason Elizabeth Shue as his long-suffering wife decides not to light him on fire like I/Frances McDormand would have done and instead puts up with him for no good reason other than probably a lifetime of gaslighting.
If the makers wanted to solely explore Billie’s sex life, with the affair of choice (with her hairdresser!) occurring while she was still married, and the effect it had on her game and her mindset (really the same thing), then they could have done that (even though that’s like kind of weird to be so fixated on, give the lady some peace.) But to pretend that this film was primarily about the Bobby Riggs match is just bad faith. Honestly it felt like the male writer and the rest of the men responsible for this wanted to see Emma Stone kiss other girls and they just came up with a thin frame to work that into. They watched Emma’s old movies for inspiration and when they got to “Birdman” they thought a) what the fuck is this and b) hey that other girl in it, Andrea Riseborough, makes out with Naomi Watts in one scene so let’s hire her to make out with Emma in our movie! The best, most thrilling part of this movie was the very, very quick shots of the actual match at the end, and I realized that what would have made this movie better is more of that, and then you realize that you are better off simply watching the actual, real match full stop. I have yet to see a tennis movie where the time spent watching it would not have been better spent watching real tennis. In the inevitable Roger Federer biopic, I hope we see mostly his amazing skills and no bedroom scenes with Mirka, but honestly, this movie shows that we’re better off just watching recordings of his old matches.
Sure you might be saying ‘but it’s sort of a biopic of Billie Jean and she had to discover her true sexuality at some point’, and that’s true and well and good, but this movie wasn’t called “The Billie Jean King Story”; it was called “Battle of the Sexes” because it was specifically about the historic match of that name against Bobby Riggs, male chauvinist asswagon. (I combined asshole (or asshat! both good choices!) and jackwagon.) I understand that Billie’s struggle with hiding her sexuality threw her off kilter leading up to the match, but like, that’s all the movie was about. That and Steve Carell prancing about in costumes to prove that men are better (at wearing costumes?) and for some reason Elizabeth Shue as his long-suffering wife decides not to light him on fire like I/Frances McDormand would have done and instead puts up with him for no good reason other than probably a lifetime of gaslighting.
If the makers wanted to solely explore Billie’s sex life, with the affair of choice (with her hairdresser!) occurring while she was still married, and the effect it had on her game and her mindset (really the same thing), then they could have done that (even though that’s like kind of weird to be so fixated on, give the lady some peace.) But to pretend that this film was primarily about the Bobby Riggs match is just bad faith. Honestly it felt like the male writer and the rest of the men responsible for this wanted to see Emma Stone kiss other girls and they just came up with a thin frame to work that into. They watched Emma’s old movies for inspiration and when they got to “Birdman” they thought a) what the fuck is this and b) hey that other girl in it, Andrea Riseborough, makes out with Naomi Watts in one scene so let’s hire her to make out with Emma in our movie! The best, most thrilling part of this movie was the very, very quick shots of the actual match at the end, and I realized that what would have made this movie better is more of that, and then you realize that you are better off simply watching the actual, real match full stop. I have yet to see a tennis movie where the time spent watching it would not have been better spent watching real tennis. In the inevitable Roger Federer biopic, I hope we see mostly his amazing skills and no bedroom scenes with Mirka, but honestly, this movie shows that we’re better off just watching recordings of his old matches.
I’ve really liked Kumail Nanjiani ever since my brother told me how funny he was on twitter and on “Silicon Valley” and I always like liking things my brother likes and he always seemed to have that Elleny trait of being funny without being offensive or mean (Kumail, not my brother, although maybe both maybe both) so I looked forward to seeing his little movie with Zoe Kazan, who I love, and enjoying a little romcom that was funny without being offensive or mean. I didn’t really know what it was about. Who would have guessed that “The Big Sick” would be one of the best movies of the year? Of many years? This is not at all a romcom like I and others expected, not at all. It’s a completely realistic look at a new relationship that is challenged by believable things that end it and then is challenged by a really unbelievable thing that saves it. And it’s a true story.
Kumail and his wife, Emily Gordon, pretty heavily spoil the movie they wrote about their love story by being married. They tell the story of how they met when Kumail was a fledging comedian, how they had a good time for a while, and how they broke up because Kumail’s family was weird about him marrying a Pakistani girl and he was weird about keeping a box of their photos. But if I met Vella Lovell in real life I would keep her picture in a weird creepy box too, just saying. They break up and it’s sad but life goes on OR NOT because Emily falls into a coma and the doctors have no idea what’s going on and it’s terrifying because she’s so young and Zoe and you’re like omg is she going to die? And Kumail stays by her bedside the entire time and that’s incredibly sweet and moving but also kinda awkward because she dumped you. Her parents arrive, played by Ray Romano and Holly Hunter in I’m going to say career bests. Their performances should have been nominated for all the awards because they are pitch perfect and they so perfectly play off each other so maybe the Oscars should have a Best Couple category like the MTV Awards or whoever does that, Kids Choice? and add them in last minute. They flawlessly capture the complexities of parents dealing with this trauma while also dealing with their own marital problems.
As our unobtrusive hero who holds fast to his convictions about this girl he loves, Kumail quietly shines and wins your heart. Even though his standup in the movie is objectively painful, you really want him to get everything he wants, even a standup special. This is a horrible movie to watch on a plane, which I did once, because we landed with 20 seconds to go in the movie. You would think that a movie’s plot couldn’t hinge on the last 20 seconds, right? Usually it’s just like a wide shot of a field or a sunrise or something and everything that has happened before is the whole story, nothing can change. But the very last shot of this movie is very important and turns the whole thing from good but sad to omg let’s throw a celebratory fiesta. Luckily I had seen it before but I feel bad for anyone who just assumed ‘wow that was sad I didn’t see the last few seconds but what could have happened? Sad movie.’ And it was sad but oh my god was it beautiful and then all of a sudden not so sad. I remember when Cameron Crowe won an award for “Jerry Maguire” (I think it was this matchup but I could be wrong) and he was like ‘thank goodness I won because if I didn’t it would mean you didn’t like my life’ and I’m like first of all that’s not what that means, but second if that were a thing, this movie should definitely win something because it’s actually their life story, you were not a sports agent who married the mother of the cutest little boy in existence until my nephew showed up, Cameron.
Kumail and his wife, Emily Gordon, pretty heavily spoil the movie they wrote about their love story by being married. They tell the story of how they met when Kumail was a fledging comedian, how they had a good time for a while, and how they broke up because Kumail’s family was weird about him marrying a Pakistani girl and he was weird about keeping a box of their photos. But if I met Vella Lovell in real life I would keep her picture in a weird creepy box too, just saying. They break up and it’s sad but life goes on OR NOT because Emily falls into a coma and the doctors have no idea what’s going on and it’s terrifying because she’s so young and Zoe and you’re like omg is she going to die? And Kumail stays by her bedside the entire time and that’s incredibly sweet and moving but also kinda awkward because she dumped you. Her parents arrive, played by Ray Romano and Holly Hunter in I’m going to say career bests. Their performances should have been nominated for all the awards because they are pitch perfect and they so perfectly play off each other so maybe the Oscars should have a Best Couple category like the MTV Awards or whoever does that, Kids Choice? and add them in last minute. They flawlessly capture the complexities of parents dealing with this trauma while also dealing with their own marital problems.
As our unobtrusive hero who holds fast to his convictions about this girl he loves, Kumail quietly shines and wins your heart. Even though his standup in the movie is objectively painful, you really want him to get everything he wants, even a standup special. This is a horrible movie to watch on a plane, which I did once, because we landed with 20 seconds to go in the movie. You would think that a movie’s plot couldn’t hinge on the last 20 seconds, right? Usually it’s just like a wide shot of a field or a sunrise or something and everything that has happened before is the whole story, nothing can change. But the very last shot of this movie is very important and turns the whole thing from good but sad to omg let’s throw a celebratory fiesta. Luckily I had seen it before but I feel bad for anyone who just assumed ‘wow that was sad I didn’t see the last few seconds but what could have happened? Sad movie.’ And it was sad but oh my god was it beautiful and then all of a sudden not so sad. I remember when Cameron Crowe won an award for “Jerry Maguire” (I think it was this matchup but I could be wrong) and he was like ‘thank goodness I won because if I didn’t it would mean you didn’t like my life’ and I’m like first of all that’s not what that means, but second if that were a thing, this movie should definitely win something because it’s actually their life story, you were not a sports agent who married the mother of the cutest little boy in existence until my nephew showed up, Cameron.
Let’s start off by saying that unlike with “Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life”, I was not the target audience for this revival of an old beloved creation. I watched the original “Bladerunner” before seeing this supposed masterpiece and while Harrison Ford is always great, I’m just meh on it. I don’t like worlds that are so seedy and depressing and where women are literally made as men’s products and playthings and Darryl Hannah’s makeup gave me nightmares for weeks. So I saw this sequel, with Ryan Gosling, and it was just as depressing and seedy and dark and you know, it’s just not the kind of movie I want to see at this point in our society’s floundering. Seeing the future of our miserable world as even more miserable instead of giving us hope that we will somehow improve? Nah thanks though. Most of all, this overly long movie pissed me off because it took the misogyny of the first and capitalized on it. The makers thought ‘hmm what was the best part of the first. Harrison Ford? No, let’s not have more of him, let’s have more misogyny and treatment of women as playthings in the man’s world. That’s what today’s society wants to see!’ And it was incredibly misogynist. Don’t you dare point to our queen Robin Wright’s token role as a police captain to say that it couldn’t be. All the women in this existed to augment the men’s stories, and in many cases were created by men for that purpose because it’s about androids and shit. They could have shaved off a lot of unnecessary time by cutting the scene where the punk girl morphs into Ryan’s virtual slave girl so he could have sex with her you know what I am so horrified that that sentence actually accurately describes a plot point in a movie that exists today that I need to stop. Ryan Gosling was good I guess but I prefer him when he is dancing all cute and saving jazz, no matter how racist that is.
Like I said above, there’s yet to be a tennis movie that is worth the time spent watching instead of just watching real tennis. When it’s about a specific historic match, watch the damn match instead; it’ll be more exciting. But surprise of all surprises, “Borg McEnroe”, with SHIA LABEOUF, was better than “Battle of the Sexes”, with EMMA STONE. Why? Because they actually played tennis in this one and didn’t just have naked girls in hotel beds, which are FAMOUSLY DISGUSTING. (Never let your skin touch anything in a hotel room that isn’t white. The colored throws and pillows never get washed. You’re welcome.) In fact, they didn’t have any love scenes! (Okay, this might be incorrect – I watched on an Emirates flight and they did censor other things (I tried to watch “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” and their censorship people CLEARLY did not know what to do with that) so maybe I just watched the version with the love scenes cut but you know what, that’s the damn good version and the only thing I’ll thank Emirates for (they sucked)). And all the personal backstory was about the game, and only the game, and how the two men grew to be the players – not the people, the players – they were in competition. I don’t want extraneous b.s. in my tennis movies, I JUST WANT TENNIS.
Shia Labeouf was g-d perfect casting as John McEnroe, two entitled, volatile brats who don’t realize how annoying they are (don’t get me wrong I love me some Johnny Mac nowadays as a commentator but he’s still kind of a d-bag and back in his day, man alive, was he the worst. Stop YELLING, White Man! your days are numbered). He gave the young John a bit of humanity (in his quieter moments) and actually made you feel for him and you REALLY didn’t want his dad to be disappointed in him. But the real star was Sverrir Gudnason (I honestly thought it was a Skarsgard) as Bjorn Borg, a dead-ringer for the tennis great and incredible in this role. He was so believable and so effective at portraying the volcano of emotion and rage simmering below Bjorn’s surface of robotic calm. To use the flashbacks to show that the two players had more in common – particularly their anger and explosive natures – than anyone would ever predict, was a smart way to frame the movie in the buildup to their huge Wimbledon match. Not knowing how it ended in real life really helps with getting into the drama and the stakes of this match – Borg’s trying to make history with an epic fifth consecutive win, Johnny’s trying to prove himself as more than a shithead miscreant, especially to the Brits who despised him (they love manners). And I didn’t remember who won this one! I know Borg had a shittonne of Wimbles…es but I didn’t remember if he got to five in a row, and I knew Johnny won Wimbles several times but I wasn’t sure when, so I was really into this movie. Again, it would have been better to watch the real match in full, but for a movie version of it, this wasn’t half bad. I learned a lot about the two players and how they came to be tennis champions, and most importantly there was a Skarsgard in it (Stellan, as Borg’s coach/father figure) which you expect in a Scandinavian movie, so all was well.
Shia Labeouf was g-d perfect casting as John McEnroe, two entitled, volatile brats who don’t realize how annoying they are (don’t get me wrong I love me some Johnny Mac nowadays as a commentator but he’s still kind of a d-bag and back in his day, man alive, was he the worst. Stop YELLING, White Man! your days are numbered). He gave the young John a bit of humanity (in his quieter moments) and actually made you feel for him and you REALLY didn’t want his dad to be disappointed in him. But the real star was Sverrir Gudnason (I honestly thought it was a Skarsgard) as Bjorn Borg, a dead-ringer for the tennis great and incredible in this role. He was so believable and so effective at portraying the volcano of emotion and rage simmering below Bjorn’s surface of robotic calm. To use the flashbacks to show that the two players had more in common – particularly their anger and explosive natures – than anyone would ever predict, was a smart way to frame the movie in the buildup to their huge Wimbledon match. Not knowing how it ended in real life really helps with getting into the drama and the stakes of this match – Borg’s trying to make history with an epic fifth consecutive win, Johnny’s trying to prove himself as more than a shithead miscreant, especially to the Brits who despised him (they love manners). And I didn’t remember who won this one! I know Borg had a shittonne of Wimbles…es but I didn’t remember if he got to five in a row, and I knew Johnny won Wimbles several times but I wasn’t sure when, so I was really into this movie. Again, it would have been better to watch the real match in full, but for a movie version of it, this wasn’t half bad. I learned a lot about the two players and how they came to be tennis champions, and most importantly there was a Skarsgard in it (Stellan, as Borg’s coach/father figure) which you expect in a Scandinavian movie, so all was well.
I’m surprised this movie was kind of thrown by the wayside after it came out because it was super lovely. The Andrew Garfield-led, Andy Serkis-directed piece told the true story of producer Jonathan Cavendish’s actual parents. I didn’t know a thing about the story going in, which is usually the best way, but I went to a screening where all three of the aforementioned men did a live Q&A afterwards so I was pretty darn excited. Maybe that colored my enjoyment of the movie a little but still, it was a very moving tale of this loving family. Andrew Garfield plays Jonny’s father, and his believable young love story with Claire Foy as his mother presented a charming old-fashioned romance. At this beginning stage of the film, I thought ‘oh so it’s a romcom, my fave.’ Then the couple marries and moves to Africa and they have petite adventures of the type appropriate for classy Brits in the 1950s and I thought ‘oh fun it’s a travel movie’ and then I thought ‘oh no are they going to be involved in a war or something I don’t know enough African history’ and THEN Andrew’s Robin Cavendish contracts POLIO at age 28 and is given a death sentence and I thought ‘ohhh I really didn’t know what this movie was about.’ Instead of dying right quick, as all the medical experts told him he would, Robin fights for decades, with the help of his wife, the young Queen Elizabeth, and becomes an advocate for treating disabled patients with a little bit of humanity. The poignant tale makes you forget that you are watching a true story and that re-realization only strengthens the positive impression this little film makes. Also apparently Robin’s friend created the first wheelchair for him? Cool. I wanted Andrew to get more acclaim for this because after he and Emma broke up she became like the biggest superstar in the world and I kind of felt a little bad for him, as bad as you can feel for a person who has literally every possible privilege in the world, but he’s doing fine he’s doing fine.
I didn’t get to see this one yet! I’m so sorry; I know it’s a huge one to be leaving out. But in my defense, the trailer looked HELLA boring when I saw it in the fall and I was like ‘nah thanks’ and had nooo idea it was going to be an Oscar movie! Who would have known! We didn’t know who little baby Chalamet was yet and I’m still not over Armie Hammer’s parents naming him ARMIE HAMMER when his g-papa was involved with the Arm & Hammer brand name. Don’t be funny with your kids’ names, people! Unless you’re Penn Jillette because then you are the master at naming babies. Anyway, this movie is supposed to be really lovely and a worthy queer story to follow the year of “Moonlight” winning Best Picture. I like that it’s not good enough now to just have stories with or about minority characters; they have to be good. And this one is said to be great so let’s all see it! you probably did!
This tale of Winston Churchill’s beginnings as Prime Minister was a lot more enjoyable and affecting than I predicted. I just saw it because Gary Oldman is going to win an Oscar (I see that our punishment of male offenders is scattershot at best), but the portrayal of these years during World War II and the British government’s handling of it was riveting, even though you know the ending. And even though Lily James, who is my nemesis, was in this, she was inoffensive and actually there’s one scene where she confides in Winston about her loss in the war and it’s so moving that we may be okay now.
So Gary Oldman is completely unrecognizable in a fat suit and a whole lot of Mrs. Doubtfire-esque chin jowls to play Churchill, one of the most revered and important men in British history. We see him right as he is asked to become Prime Minister when Britain is at war both with the Nazis and with itself, not having a government with a strong will in terms of direction and gumption. So British of them am I right? All his fellow politicians were like ‘hmmm we could do x or y but I don’t want to be too forward oh pish posh can’t be too forward.’ Winston came in like a wreeeeeeecking baaaaaall and was like shut up and listen to me, I know what we have to do, we gotta go kill us some Nazis. Maybe he didn’t say it like that but honestly thank god for him (the him that is portrayed in the movie, who knows how accurate it was (I mean I’m sure many people do know how accurate it was, that’s what history and records are for but shh do I look like Suetonius)) because while all the other pale scrawny men with upset tummies were like ‘let’s negotiate with Hitler to save our people!’, Churchill was like ‘are you f-ing kidding me, you do not negotiate with a terrorist and also why would we trust him to hold to the terms and also HE IS LITERALLY HITLER’. He’s shown as the only British politician with the courage to fight rather than capitulate to the scary mustache baby. I hope that the speeches he gives once he finds his nerve to stand up to the fellow cabinetters who want to negotiate and then hide are accurate, because they were spellbinding. In a time when we are suffering with actually evil politicians who are not only being outsmarted by children but are literally working with Nazis, it was a little tearjerky and a little heartbreaking to remember that once upon a time a leader of a major nation was not only unwilling to work with Nazis, he wasn’t one.
So Gary Oldman is completely unrecognizable in a fat suit and a whole lot of Mrs. Doubtfire-esque chin jowls to play Churchill, one of the most revered and important men in British history. We see him right as he is asked to become Prime Minister when Britain is at war both with the Nazis and with itself, not having a government with a strong will in terms of direction and gumption. So British of them am I right? All his fellow politicians were like ‘hmmm we could do x or y but I don’t want to be too forward oh pish posh can’t be too forward.’ Winston came in like a wreeeeeeecking baaaaaall and was like shut up and listen to me, I know what we have to do, we gotta go kill us some Nazis. Maybe he didn’t say it like that but honestly thank god for him (the him that is portrayed in the movie, who knows how accurate it was (I mean I’m sure many people do know how accurate it was, that’s what history and records are for but shh do I look like Suetonius)) because while all the other pale scrawny men with upset tummies were like ‘let’s negotiate with Hitler to save our people!’, Churchill was like ‘are you f-ing kidding me, you do not negotiate with a terrorist and also why would we trust him to hold to the terms and also HE IS LITERALLY HITLER’. He’s shown as the only British politician with the courage to fight rather than capitulate to the scary mustache baby. I hope that the speeches he gives once he finds his nerve to stand up to the fellow cabinetters who want to negotiate and then hide are accurate, because they were spellbinding. In a time when we are suffering with actually evil politicians who are not only being outsmarted by children but are literally working with Nazis, it was a little tearjerky and a little heartbreaking to remember that once upon a time a leader of a major nation was not only unwilling to work with Nazis, he wasn’t one.
DAMMIT FRANCO.
I freaking loved this movie and wanted it to win all kinds of awards just because it’s so hilarious and would be so hilarious to do so, but Franco had to go be a Hollywood man and ignore the rights of women and only care about his own desires and go ruin everything for everyone.
But this was a gloriously perfect movie, a hysterical takedown of “The Room”, the famous worst movie of all time, and it’s creator, the famously insane Tommy Wiseau. Knowing “The Room” makes this behind-the-scenes look at it even sweeter, but it’s not necessary to enjoy the genius ridiculousness. James Franco gets all of Tommy’s mannerisms down, but more importantly he gets his voice down, with the impossible-to-place accent and usually-impossible-to-understand inflections. Anytime James verbalized anything even a little, the audience was rolling in their seats. It’s really a testament to Franco’s talent, begrudgingly as I admit that, that even just a random word here or there produced some of the funniest moments of the year, all because of his delivery and his really strong direction. (He directed it too.) It’s kind of mean but kind of loving in its treatment of Wiseau and the entire infamous shitshow of a shoot. The cast and crew are littered with familiar faces, and it’s not even worth it to try to name them all because it would go on forever. But let’s try a few – there’s Sharon Stone, Melanie Griffiths, Megan Mullally, Seth Rogen (as one of the funniest characters; his short scene in the bank was amazing), Adam Scott, Judd Apatow as a hilarious fictionalized version of a producer like himself, and my fave, Jason Mantzoukas. Oh and Bryan Cranston as himself. This movie is RIDICULOUS and crazy and somehow it all came together perfectly. James Franco really knows what he is doing outside the bedroom. The water bottle scene was one of the best comedic takes in forever.
If you haven’t seen it yet, I recommend it wholeheartedly and suggest that you watch “The Room” after, not before, as many say to do. Watching “The Room” first, you may get more of the jokes and references in “The Disaster Artist”, but watching it after will be so much more rewarding because you’ve seen the making of it, or at least ‘a’ making of it, and you will appreciate the nonsense in it even more.
I freaking loved this movie and wanted it to win all kinds of awards just because it’s so hilarious and would be so hilarious to do so, but Franco had to go be a Hollywood man and ignore the rights of women and only care about his own desires and go ruin everything for everyone.
But this was a gloriously perfect movie, a hysterical takedown of “The Room”, the famous worst movie of all time, and it’s creator, the famously insane Tommy Wiseau. Knowing “The Room” makes this behind-the-scenes look at it even sweeter, but it’s not necessary to enjoy the genius ridiculousness. James Franco gets all of Tommy’s mannerisms down, but more importantly he gets his voice down, with the impossible-to-place accent and usually-impossible-to-understand inflections. Anytime James verbalized anything even a little, the audience was rolling in their seats. It’s really a testament to Franco’s talent, begrudgingly as I admit that, that even just a random word here or there produced some of the funniest moments of the year, all because of his delivery and his really strong direction. (He directed it too.) It’s kind of mean but kind of loving in its treatment of Wiseau and the entire infamous shitshow of a shoot. The cast and crew are littered with familiar faces, and it’s not even worth it to try to name them all because it would go on forever. But let’s try a few – there’s Sharon Stone, Melanie Griffiths, Megan Mullally, Seth Rogen (as one of the funniest characters; his short scene in the bank was amazing), Adam Scott, Judd Apatow as a hilarious fictionalized version of a producer like himself, and my fave, Jason Mantzoukas. Oh and Bryan Cranston as himself. This movie is RIDICULOUS and crazy and somehow it all came together perfectly. James Franco really knows what he is doing outside the bedroom. The water bottle scene was one of the best comedic takes in forever.
If you haven’t seen it yet, I recommend it wholeheartedly and suggest that you watch “The Room” after, not before, as many say to do. Watching “The Room” first, you may get more of the jokes and references in “The Disaster Artist”, but watching it after will be so much more rewarding because you’ve seen the making of it, or at least ‘a’ making of it, and you will appreciate the nonsense in it even more.
Considering how many war movies we’ve had to sit through over the years, and how many we can safely bet will continue to flood into existence, not saying anything new but trying to say the same ‘war is bad’ message in different/bloodier ways, “Dunkirk” stands out as one of the great recent war movies that indeed told the same ‘war is bad’ message but in a nice way. The film tells the story of how thousands upon thousands of Allied troops were stranded on the beaches of Dunkirk, in northern France, during the Battle of France. They were surrounded by German forces and had nowhere to go and no way to get anywhere anyway. They were being bombed even at this tiny enclave as they waited for help that they had no idea would really arrive. But help did arrive, in part, by the famous flotilla of civilian boats sent across the channel – little fishing boats, sailboats, personal yachts, whatever British people had, they sent out to collect the men. The three interweaving stories, telling tales of valor over land, sea, and air, worked very well to knit a full picture of what was happening at this point in the war. I loved that they seemed to be happening concurrently, in the beginning, but further development showed that they were more staggered. I loved that Mark Rylance was in it and I had no idea. Actually, I had no idea about any of the cast. I was shocked to see Cillian Murphy and Tom Hardy and Kenneth Branagh too! Apparently Harry Styles of Uno Directiones was in it too and I don’t remember who he was so good job blending in, not that I would recognize him. And I loved that they didn’t kill off all our main characters in an attempt to be realistic. We know what happens in war; no need to sacrifice our movie enjoyment too. Okay they did kill a young kid and that was super awful but also it was a big surprise…so…at…least…there’s…that?
I’m sure their creators want the films to stand on their own merit, and they do, but this is a great companion piece to “Darkest Hour”, and both are improved by watching them together. In “Darkest Hour”, Churchill confers with his cabinet about the problem at Dunkirk – all the abandoned men, no good way to save them – and we see just a bit of what happens. Here, it’s like you paused “Darkest Hour” and hit the ‘Tell me more!’ button on your audioguide in a museum or something, and got more of the story of this important moment in the war. I love how perfectly the two British tales of WWII connect and how they strengthen each other by giving detail on one hand and context on the other. Christopher Nolan did a nice job of marrying the harrowing aspects with the inspiring parts of the story, to avoid the soul-crushing depression that war movies usually produce while forestalling the risk of being too hopeful. It is war, after all.
I’m sure their creators want the films to stand on their own merit, and they do, but this is a great companion piece to “Darkest Hour”, and both are improved by watching them together. In “Darkest Hour”, Churchill confers with his cabinet about the problem at Dunkirk – all the abandoned men, no good way to save them – and we see just a bit of what happens. Here, it’s like you paused “Darkest Hour” and hit the ‘Tell me more!’ button on your audioguide in a museum or something, and got more of the story of this important moment in the war. I love how perfectly the two British tales of WWII connect and how they strengthen each other by giving detail on one hand and context on the other. Christopher Nolan did a nice job of marrying the harrowing aspects with the inspiring parts of the story, to avoid the soul-crushing depression that war movies usually produce while forestalling the risk of being too hopeful. It is war, after all.
FAAAAAAAACKing hell, this movie was INTENSE. I screamed “OH MY GOD CHRIS GET OUT —- GET OUT —- I GUESS THAT’S WHY IT’S CALLED THAT” at least 40 times (I was at home don’t worry). First off, let me explain that I cannot and do not watch horror movies, thrillers, anything that is the least bit scary, ever since friends made me watch Scream in seventh grade and I have had to check my closets and under the bed every night ever since. JUST NOPE. The ghost scenes in the new “Ghostbusters” movie were too scary for my fragile sensibilities. So I was not looking forward to seeing “Get Out”, which is a horror film, but I knew I had to because everyone said it was amazing. How can a horror movie be amazing? I asked this question over and over, wondering if the whole world was conspiring together to force me to watch a regular-old scary movie that would be regular and scary and then when it finished and my life wasn’t rocked, they would point and laugh and shout ‘hahahha we made you watch it for no reason it’s just a regular scary movie!’ It is not.
“Get Out”, from comedic mastermind Jordan Peele, is not funny as you’d expect from him, but it is freaking brilliant. I knew going in that it was supposedly genius about race, but with it being a horror movie, I just expected that maybe racists were gonna be murdered. It’s not that at all. Okay, racists do get murdered and that’s nice but there’s so much more to it than that. “Get Out” is the story of a black guy named Chris (Daniel Kaluuya, who is fantastic and so believable and omg the stillface crying amazing) who goes with his white girlfriend (Alison Williams) to her family’s, like, compound in the woods (already a red flag, man) to meet her parents. Alright, that sounds…fine? Chris’s best friend, whose real-life name is Lil Rey so that’s what we are going to call him because why would you ever rename that, is like dude don’t ever go to meet a white girl’s fam, that shit’s gonna be bad. And Chris is like calm down and go back to violating air travelers’ basic constitutional rights, it’ll be fine. Lil Rey was right though, because immediately things are weird. Alison’s parents, Bradley Whitford and Catherine Keener in like the most g-d perfect casting ever, are that sort of outwardly nice but creepy and uncomfortable in the way you can’t really call out without sounding like a douche. At first, I mean; later you can say why very clearly. They say things like how they would have voted for Obama a third time to obviously try to show that they are so cool with black people but it really shows how wrong they get it. Her brother, played by Caleb Landry Jones who is just all over the Oscar map this year (he’s the ad guy who gets thrown out the window in “Three Billboards”), is terrifyingly unhinged and prime for a fight even though he is a weak-looking white boy. He has that totally unstable, deranged look of a psychopath in his eyes from the start, and you think oh this guy is the scary racist one but nope everyone is. There are two black servants in the house/compound, and Chris tries to reach out to them and find some common ground, but something is seriously off with them. They have fake smiles and don’t seem to be capable of basic honest interactions. Something is off, like their minds are under external control.
Alison claims to have forgotten that her grandfather is having a huge let’s-have-all-our-rich-white-out-of-touch-friends-over party that same weekend, so Chris has to deal with a barrage of odd, racist-but-not-enough-to-call-out comments on his physical appearance and his relationship and everything. These scenes so perfectly call out white liberals who think that if they aren’t wearing a Klan hood, they can’t possibly be racist. But it’s clear that the white people find black people to be other. Things get extra creepy when Catherine Keener hypnotizes Chris, ostensibly to quit smoking but she breaks him down to his rawest emotional core to do so. Then, at the party, there is one other black man, a man we met in the terrifying opening scene of the movie, seemingly unrelated to the plot we’ve seen so far. It’s a man that Chris knew was missing from Brooklyn a few months back, and now finds him married to an old white lady and is acting, well, different, like a stuffy old rich white man living in the woods might act. Chris is freaked out and calls Lil Rey and Lil Rey is like ahh get out of there (that’s why it’s called that). When Chris finds a pile of photos of Alison (yes Chris is the only character’s name I’m using does it matter?) and other black boyfriends, and one of her with the maid, he knows something sinister is going on. He tries to leave and the family – including Alison, the one he thought was on his side – blocks him from leaving and you think ohhh shit, here we go. Catherine’s previous hypnotism means that as soon as she makes a certain sound again, Chris passes out, and he wakes up locked in the basement. Shit got real, real fast.
You could never guess the revelations to come, and as out-there as they are (I mean who besides Joey Tribbiani believes in brain transplants?), everything is done with such a keen eye towards a deeper meaning that it doesn’t even matter how sci-fi things are; you buy into this world Peele has created and everything adds up in it. Of course the big scary secret is full-on bodily takeover through intricate medical procedures. Of course this rich white family has made their fortune through the subjugation of black people, and of course they don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. One of the best moments is the montage-y, wordless bit where Chris and Alison are off talking about how creepy everyone is, while Bradley supposedly takes the guests to play Bingo. But it’s clear they aren’t playing Bingo; they are holding up Bingo cards in what seems to be an auction, with a portrait of Chris at the front. There’s no getting around what they are bidding on, as if they have the right to buy and sell black people just because they are white, and the too-accurate similarity to a slave auction is undeniable. And while they are buying the men for slightly different reasons, the mindset allowing for this still comes from the same place, of the sort of racism that tells them they have the right to do this by virtue of their skin color.
Every second of this movie, and every bit of acting, informs the overall story so well that it requires repeated viewings to catch everything. The servants you thought were merely brainwashed and/or scary are more complex than that, and their initial impressions do more than you gave credit for. I honestly did not predict that Alison was going to be part of the scheme, and her physical transformation from cute and fun to terrifyingly sinister is really well done (she looks like Sharon Stone in “Basic Instinct” afterwards). The initially friendly manners of the family aren’t simply a cover for their true evil, they also mirror how people in real life think that if they act nice, that means they can’t be racist, that they are good people, even if they are actively taking your rights away, even though Sondheim taught us long ago that nice and good aren’t the same thing. I couldn’t really sleep after I watched this movie because I was so terrified of Bradley Whitford but more than that I was shook, as a white person and as a person living in a society that pretty much the same as the one depicted, albeit minus a few steps in medicine. And that’s the point of the movie, isn’t it? It’s horrifying but in a smart way, to make viewers really consider what they are watching and more importantly what they are a part of in real life.
“Get Out”, from comedic mastermind Jordan Peele, is not funny as you’d expect from him, but it is freaking brilliant. I knew going in that it was supposedly genius about race, but with it being a horror movie, I just expected that maybe racists were gonna be murdered. It’s not that at all. Okay, racists do get murdered and that’s nice but there’s so much more to it than that. “Get Out” is the story of a black guy named Chris (Daniel Kaluuya, who is fantastic and so believable and omg the stillface crying amazing) who goes with his white girlfriend (Alison Williams) to her family’s, like, compound in the woods (already a red flag, man) to meet her parents. Alright, that sounds…fine? Chris’s best friend, whose real-life name is Lil Rey so that’s what we are going to call him because why would you ever rename that, is like dude don’t ever go to meet a white girl’s fam, that shit’s gonna be bad. And Chris is like calm down and go back to violating air travelers’ basic constitutional rights, it’ll be fine. Lil Rey was right though, because immediately things are weird. Alison’s parents, Bradley Whitford and Catherine Keener in like the most g-d perfect casting ever, are that sort of outwardly nice but creepy and uncomfortable in the way you can’t really call out without sounding like a douche. At first, I mean; later you can say why very clearly. They say things like how they would have voted for Obama a third time to obviously try to show that they are so cool with black people but it really shows how wrong they get it. Her brother, played by Caleb Landry Jones who is just all over the Oscar map this year (he’s the ad guy who gets thrown out the window in “Three Billboards”), is terrifyingly unhinged and prime for a fight even though he is a weak-looking white boy. He has that totally unstable, deranged look of a psychopath in his eyes from the start, and you think oh this guy is the scary racist one but nope everyone is. There are two black servants in the house/compound, and Chris tries to reach out to them and find some common ground, but something is seriously off with them. They have fake smiles and don’t seem to be capable of basic honest interactions. Something is off, like their minds are under external control.
Alison claims to have forgotten that her grandfather is having a huge let’s-have-all-our-rich-white-out-of-touch-friends-over party that same weekend, so Chris has to deal with a barrage of odd, racist-but-not-enough-to-call-out comments on his physical appearance and his relationship and everything. These scenes so perfectly call out white liberals who think that if they aren’t wearing a Klan hood, they can’t possibly be racist. But it’s clear that the white people find black people to be other. Things get extra creepy when Catherine Keener hypnotizes Chris, ostensibly to quit smoking but she breaks him down to his rawest emotional core to do so. Then, at the party, there is one other black man, a man we met in the terrifying opening scene of the movie, seemingly unrelated to the plot we’ve seen so far. It’s a man that Chris knew was missing from Brooklyn a few months back, and now finds him married to an old white lady and is acting, well, different, like a stuffy old rich white man living in the woods might act. Chris is freaked out and calls Lil Rey and Lil Rey is like ahh get out of there (that’s why it’s called that). When Chris finds a pile of photos of Alison (yes Chris is the only character’s name I’m using does it matter?) and other black boyfriends, and one of her with the maid, he knows something sinister is going on. He tries to leave and the family – including Alison, the one he thought was on his side – blocks him from leaving and you think ohhh shit, here we go. Catherine’s previous hypnotism means that as soon as she makes a certain sound again, Chris passes out, and he wakes up locked in the basement. Shit got real, real fast.
You could never guess the revelations to come, and as out-there as they are (I mean who besides Joey Tribbiani believes in brain transplants?), everything is done with such a keen eye towards a deeper meaning that it doesn’t even matter how sci-fi things are; you buy into this world Peele has created and everything adds up in it. Of course the big scary secret is full-on bodily takeover through intricate medical procedures. Of course this rich white family has made their fortune through the subjugation of black people, and of course they don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. One of the best moments is the montage-y, wordless bit where Chris and Alison are off talking about how creepy everyone is, while Bradley supposedly takes the guests to play Bingo. But it’s clear they aren’t playing Bingo; they are holding up Bingo cards in what seems to be an auction, with a portrait of Chris at the front. There’s no getting around what they are bidding on, as if they have the right to buy and sell black people just because they are white, and the too-accurate similarity to a slave auction is undeniable. And while they are buying the men for slightly different reasons, the mindset allowing for this still comes from the same place, of the sort of racism that tells them they have the right to do this by virtue of their skin color.
Every second of this movie, and every bit of acting, informs the overall story so well that it requires repeated viewings to catch everything. The servants you thought were merely brainwashed and/or scary are more complex than that, and their initial impressions do more than you gave credit for. I honestly did not predict that Alison was going to be part of the scheme, and her physical transformation from cute and fun to terrifyingly sinister is really well done (she looks like Sharon Stone in “Basic Instinct” afterwards). The initially friendly manners of the family aren’t simply a cover for their true evil, they also mirror how people in real life think that if they act nice, that means they can’t be racist, that they are good people, even if they are actively taking your rights away, even though Sondheim taught us long ago that nice and good aren’t the same thing. I couldn’t really sleep after I watched this movie because I was so terrified of Bradley Whitford but more than that I was shook, as a white person and as a person living in a society that pretty much the same as the one depicted, albeit minus a few steps in medicine. And that’s the point of the movie, isn’t it? It’s horrifying but in a smart way, to make viewers really consider what they are watching and more importantly what they are a part of in real life.
Jason Mantzoukas is a goddamn treasure so I included this not great but still fun romp of a DEREK!
Like “I, Claudius” before it, “I, Tonya” tells the tragic story of a person who was underestimated from the get-go and never given a fair chance to thrive. Okay, a little less tragic and with a little less at stake than the Roman empire but that’s what they were going for, I imagine. Boy oh boy, now this is a dark comedy. Every movie that came before and called itself a dark comedy, and every movie that comes after and wants to do so, take note. This is the pinnacle of dark comedy, and it’s amazing. I’m honestly shocked that it didn’t get nominated for Best Picture, because it really should have. It’s expertly done, without a slow or unnecessary second in its fascinating take on a well known story.
As I’m sure you do, I remember vividly the lead-up to the 1994 Lillehammer Winter Olympics, when Nancy Kerrigan was attacked. Everyone remembers the news channels, newly reveling in their ability to broadcast bullshit across the airwaves 24/7, playing over and over and over her screaming “Whyyyyyyy!!!” It was so sad. Somehow, “I, Tonya” makes that clip of her screaming funny. It’s not – it’s horrifying – but the movie’s lead up to it is so funny and well done that the audience laughed at her screaming. Now that’s super dark. Anyway, we all remember how Tonya Harding became a name that will live in infamy, as she was widely suspected to have known about the attack that her bodyguard set up. This movie pretends to be based on interviews with Tonya and her husband and is similar to an older documentary about the subject. Despite the docu-style content, it is still made very clear that we still do not know and never will know the truth about what happened – both to Nancy and to Tonya throughout her life. Every player tells a different version of events, and one of the most genius parts, and most frustrating, is that they remind us that we really will never know the truth, because I don’t know about you but I don’t exactly trust Tonya Harding hundo p at her word, and you definitely don’t trust her mother or husband. Tonya becomes the most sympathetic character in a room full of horrible people.
Margot Robbie as Tonya took me by surprise. I never gave her credit for her acting ability, considering her past roles have usually focused on her just being pretty. But she makes a sensational Tonya, if a little too pretty. She’s angry and rough and strong at times and weak at times and it’s so fully developed. It’s an incredible performance and this whole Tonya Harding redemption thing that’s going on, which is weird because she may be a criminal who attacked a friend and competitor, is happening because her performance makes you really want Tonya the character to succeed and get treated better and that blurs the lines between her and the real-life version. The other sensational performance in this movie is Allison Janney as her mother LaVona, a black-hearted witch if there ever was one. This kind of role is so much fun for the actor, who can completely let go of everything and wallow in being pure evil but kind of funny. Allison is always great, and here she is so incredibly wicked it’s riveting, if terrifying.
A lot of Tonya’s life, as depicted, is terrifying. Her father abandons her early on, and she never stood a chance alone with her cruel, abusive mother, who beats her almost as much as her first boyfriend and then husband Jeff does. Luckily, through all of that turmoil, she was able to skate, and she had something special that fancy coaches saw. Unfortunately, the hoity toity judges in figure skating never gave her a fair shake, because they wanted their leading skaters to represent the sport with class – meaning, they hated Tonya because she wasn’t very pretty, or petite, or rich, or otherwise fancy-looking. She was told to get a fur coat so the sport would acknowledge her presence, so she, being dirt poor, made one from animals she hunted. (Vegan note: Close your eyes when she is a little girl and hunting with her dad.) Worst of all, she became the best at one point, always landing her jumps with athletic prowess, always skating her heart out, but because her hand-sewn costumes didn’t look nice, and because her power wasn’t as girly and delicate and innocuous as they wanted, the judges across the sport kept her from taking her place at the top. That is, until they couldn’t deny her any longer – when she became the first woman in the world to land a triple axel in competition. No one else even had the balls to attempt one, and she was out there landing them with aplomb. For that brief, shining moment leading up to her first Olympics, she was the best and had a world of good prospects.
But her f-ing husband was a piece of shit, and his repeated beatings messed with her mind so much that it kept her from doing her best. If she tried to get away from him, her mother would pick up the slack. In present-day interviews, older and wiser Tonya (a truly horrid Margot, in really impressive latex and makeup, just great job all around) would recount all the trauma and trouble she encountered and repeatedly add in that x and y weren’t her fault. And they weren’t, but after a few more instances you realize that she doesn’t accept credit for anything that happened in her life. Nothing was her fault, and maybe most of it wasn’t, most of it was awful people being awful to her, but in avoiding any responsibility she also avoided doing anything to improve her unfair situation.
And that’s what this movie does so well. Amid all the brilliant skating (I love figure skating so all the actual routines they showed (with Margot and two trained doubles) I adored) and all the competitiveness was a look at the everyday human condition, the introspective look at what makes some people able to ascend their upbringings or get past their hardships and what makes them stuck there. And despite being really depressing, seeing how unfair everything in her life was, it was also hilarious. A lot of this was from her beyond-bumbling bodyguard Shawn, a true idiot if there ever was one, who bungled everything he put his giant greasy hands on. No matter what we know or don’t know about Tonya and Jeff’s role in the attack, we know Shawn was the ‘mastermind’, and he is portrayed so hysterically as just a giant sack of stupid. I loved when they included his prime time TV interview, in which he said he was an international counter-terrorism expert, and the news anchor was like ‘…no you’re not.’ Tonya’s husband, Jeff, was a different kind of idiot, a sleazy, less obvious idiot but an idiot nonetheless. That these brainless boobs tried to get away with a crime of any sort, let alone a high-profile one related to the Olympics, is mind-boggling. And as for Tonya herself, the movie creates a host of contrasting emotions and I guess that’s what the point is. Whereas everyone was taught to simply hate her at one point, the movie makes you feel bad for her, feel sorry for her upbringing, feel angry that she was treated so terribly by every single person in her life (except the nice lady coach), and of course feel conflicted that maybe she knew more than she said she did. I really never would have guessed that a movie about Tonya Harding would be incredibly enjoyable, funny, and moving.
As I’m sure you do, I remember vividly the lead-up to the 1994 Lillehammer Winter Olympics, when Nancy Kerrigan was attacked. Everyone remembers the news channels, newly reveling in their ability to broadcast bullshit across the airwaves 24/7, playing over and over and over her screaming “Whyyyyyyy!!!” It was so sad. Somehow, “I, Tonya” makes that clip of her screaming funny. It’s not – it’s horrifying – but the movie’s lead up to it is so funny and well done that the audience laughed at her screaming. Now that’s super dark. Anyway, we all remember how Tonya Harding became a name that will live in infamy, as she was widely suspected to have known about the attack that her bodyguard set up. This movie pretends to be based on interviews with Tonya and her husband and is similar to an older documentary about the subject. Despite the docu-style content, it is still made very clear that we still do not know and never will know the truth about what happened – both to Nancy and to Tonya throughout her life. Every player tells a different version of events, and one of the most genius parts, and most frustrating, is that they remind us that we really will never know the truth, because I don’t know about you but I don’t exactly trust Tonya Harding hundo p at her word, and you definitely don’t trust her mother or husband. Tonya becomes the most sympathetic character in a room full of horrible people.
Margot Robbie as Tonya took me by surprise. I never gave her credit for her acting ability, considering her past roles have usually focused on her just being pretty. But she makes a sensational Tonya, if a little too pretty. She’s angry and rough and strong at times and weak at times and it’s so fully developed. It’s an incredible performance and this whole Tonya Harding redemption thing that’s going on, which is weird because she may be a criminal who attacked a friend and competitor, is happening because her performance makes you really want Tonya the character to succeed and get treated better and that blurs the lines between her and the real-life version. The other sensational performance in this movie is Allison Janney as her mother LaVona, a black-hearted witch if there ever was one. This kind of role is so much fun for the actor, who can completely let go of everything and wallow in being pure evil but kind of funny. Allison is always great, and here she is so incredibly wicked it’s riveting, if terrifying.
A lot of Tonya’s life, as depicted, is terrifying. Her father abandons her early on, and she never stood a chance alone with her cruel, abusive mother, who beats her almost as much as her first boyfriend and then husband Jeff does. Luckily, through all of that turmoil, she was able to skate, and she had something special that fancy coaches saw. Unfortunately, the hoity toity judges in figure skating never gave her a fair shake, because they wanted their leading skaters to represent the sport with class – meaning, they hated Tonya because she wasn’t very pretty, or petite, or rich, or otherwise fancy-looking. She was told to get a fur coat so the sport would acknowledge her presence, so she, being dirt poor, made one from animals she hunted. (Vegan note: Close your eyes when she is a little girl and hunting with her dad.) Worst of all, she became the best at one point, always landing her jumps with athletic prowess, always skating her heart out, but because her hand-sewn costumes didn’t look nice, and because her power wasn’t as girly and delicate and innocuous as they wanted, the judges across the sport kept her from taking her place at the top. That is, until they couldn’t deny her any longer – when she became the first woman in the world to land a triple axel in competition. No one else even had the balls to attempt one, and she was out there landing them with aplomb. For that brief, shining moment leading up to her first Olympics, she was the best and had a world of good prospects.
But her f-ing husband was a piece of shit, and his repeated beatings messed with her mind so much that it kept her from doing her best. If she tried to get away from him, her mother would pick up the slack. In present-day interviews, older and wiser Tonya (a truly horrid Margot, in really impressive latex and makeup, just great job all around) would recount all the trauma and trouble she encountered and repeatedly add in that x and y weren’t her fault. And they weren’t, but after a few more instances you realize that she doesn’t accept credit for anything that happened in her life. Nothing was her fault, and maybe most of it wasn’t, most of it was awful people being awful to her, but in avoiding any responsibility she also avoided doing anything to improve her unfair situation.
And that’s what this movie does so well. Amid all the brilliant skating (I love figure skating so all the actual routines they showed (with Margot and two trained doubles) I adored) and all the competitiveness was a look at the everyday human condition, the introspective look at what makes some people able to ascend their upbringings or get past their hardships and what makes them stuck there. And despite being really depressing, seeing how unfair everything in her life was, it was also hilarious. A lot of this was from her beyond-bumbling bodyguard Shawn, a true idiot if there ever was one, who bungled everything he put his giant greasy hands on. No matter what we know or don’t know about Tonya and Jeff’s role in the attack, we know Shawn was the ‘mastermind’, and he is portrayed so hysterically as just a giant sack of stupid. I loved when they included his prime time TV interview, in which he said he was an international counter-terrorism expert, and the news anchor was like ‘…no you’re not.’ Tonya’s husband, Jeff, was a different kind of idiot, a sleazy, less obvious idiot but an idiot nonetheless. That these brainless boobs tried to get away with a crime of any sort, let alone a high-profile one related to the Olympics, is mind-boggling. And as for Tonya herself, the movie creates a host of contrasting emotions and I guess that’s what the point is. Whereas everyone was taught to simply hate her at one point, the movie makes you feel bad for her, feel sorry for her upbringing, feel angry that she was treated so terribly by every single person in her life (except the nice lady coach), and of course feel conflicted that maybe she knew more than she said she did. I really never would have guessed that a movie about Tonya Harding would be incredibly enjoyable, funny, and moving.
I love Greta Gerwig’s work – I jived (jove) with “Frances Ha” so completely – so I had high expectations for “Lady Bird” and a little bit of fear that it would not be as amazing as everyone said. I mean 100% on Rotten Tomatoes is a really crazy reputation to live up to. But even with horrible annoying loud people sitting near me in the theatre, it was the most sublime movie-going experience. Every second of this film was, like gum, perfection. Despite having a great mother who puts Laurie Metcalf’s character to shame in every way, I guess I am the target audience, especially given that, like Lady Bird, I was also a high school senior in 2003. So while that may mean I was primed to enjoy it, I was also in a position of expertise to critique anything that felt wrong or forced. But there was none of that. Greta absolutely nailed every inch of what it was like to be a teenage girl then, from the total poseur characters you meet and can’t call out for their bullshit to endlessly listening to DMB. She drew upon a great deal of her own upbringing in Sacramento to flesh out the characters and the story, which accounts for the authentic feel. There’s not one second in it that doesn’t perfectly serve the movie as a whole. It’s a real feat of filmmaking and it’s my favorite movie of the year. I’m not saying it’s the best – it’s really hard to say this year, and any year really, when so many have merit – but this is the one I can’t wait to see again.
“Lady Bird” follows the life of Christine McPherson, a Sacramento teenager who gives the impression of finding herself too cool for her town, too cool for her Catholic high school (I mean who isn’t), and too cool for her family and friends. She believes wholeheartedly that if she could just get to New York, for college, then she would find and be a part of the real life she wants and knows to exist there. It’s so common, that feeling that teens have that real life is happening somewhere else, and they just have to get there to be a part of it, and then when they go they realize that everywhere is pretty much the same and this ideal of ‘real life’ is up to you to create, regardless of location. But until that realization, people like her resent everything and everyone around them for not being the far-off dream. The meticulous writing exposes her relationships so efficiently, you understand where everyone stands in an instant. For example, in the first scene. Christine (Saoirse Ronan, amazing and omg her accent is perfect can you please teach all the British actors on the West End doing American parts), who wants to be called Lady Bird because of course she does, is in the car with her mom (Laurie Metcalf, a total bitch but soooo good in this) crying at the end of the audiobook of “The Grapes of Wrath”. When it finishes, Lady Bird goes to put the radio on, and her mom stops her and asks to just sit with what they just heard for a minute (which I SO GET). This pisses Lady Bird off and in the quickest of moments they go from nice bonding moment to all-out fighting and it’s the most believable interaction. You see it coming and you can tell that neither can stop it from happening but there it goes. So precise and flawless.
The cast of characters in school with Lady Bird are just as impeccably depicted. There’s Ladybird’s sweet, overweight best friend Julie (Beanie Feldstein, my FAVORITE, absolutely amazing in “Hello, Dolly” on Broadway with Bette Midler and now in this movie??? GO BEANS GIT IT), sweet and lovable and the perfect kind of friend for Lady Bird, aspiring popular girl, to drop by the wayside when cooler prospects call for it. There’s Lucas Hedges, more than making up for being in the most overrated movie of the 2010s, “Manchester by the Omg I’m asleep so fast”, as Danny, a charming and respectful boy who is great in the school musicals which must mean he’s hiding something. The scene in which he and Lady Bird finally confront each other over his secretly being gay is one of the most moving and remarkable on both actors’ parts. Lucas is heartbreaking in his abject fear of what will happen to him (he goes to a Catholic school remember jfc), and Saoirse goes from cold and angry with him to supportive and compassionate in a split second when she realizes his fear is more important than her being disappointed in a high school relationship. This scene was utter perfection. I mean everything was perfection but this scene will stick with me. I also loved the depiction of Timothee Chalamet’s douchey Kyle (this cast tho), because Greta’s writing nails that kind of white privileged pretty boy who has no idea of anything in the world. “Oh I don’t believe in money; I try to barter where I can” and Lady Bird’s like “our private school costs money and you are rich you dingus” well she doesn’t call him a dingus, I added that, because she’s still swooning over his face even though he is suuuch a douuuche. It’s so ACCURATE. And there’s Odeya Rush as popular pretty Jenna, who isn’t nearly all that and a bag of chips but Lady Bird really really wants to be her friend because that’s how teenage girls think.
The essential, poignant relationships are of course those of Lady Bird and her parents. Laurie Metcalf so quickly defines her character with precise bounds, you understand how a teenage girl would react to and try to break them. You clearly see why they each act the way they do, and how their clashing personalities can’t prevent every looming conflict, and while Laurie’s character kind of sucks a lot, you still can understand why she is so harsh (sometimes) and that it (sometimes) comes from a place of love. She is so clearly afraid for what her not-so-hard-working daughter’s life will hold once she is out of the safety of high school, and although she doesn’t prod her daughter in the most positive ways, you see that she just wants the best for her. Her strictness is driven by the fear that her daughter won’t amount to anything once she leaves home. She simultaneously wants Lady Bird to work harder to achieve more and lessen her expectations regarding what the real world holds for her. Getting much less acclaim, though no less deserving of it, is Tracy Letts, my main man, as her father. Can I just say, it is SO NICE to see this incredible actor and one of our best living playwrights as a decent, kind man instead of a jackass like his character on “Homeland”, or, as I first saw him, as the hideous psychological tormenter in “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” He also writes really disturbing work, like “August: Osage County” so yay for giving him a job that just let him be nice and supportive of his family instead of trying to destroy it.
The real stars are of course Saoirse and Greta (kind of sounds like Hansel and Gretl right), creating absolute perfection, one with her vision and imagination, one with her interpretation. I can’t remember a movie that was about a female protagonist that felt so real and lived in. It’s nice to get one. I can’t wait to watch this over and over.
“Lady Bird” follows the life of Christine McPherson, a Sacramento teenager who gives the impression of finding herself too cool for her town, too cool for her Catholic high school (I mean who isn’t), and too cool for her family and friends. She believes wholeheartedly that if she could just get to New York, for college, then she would find and be a part of the real life she wants and knows to exist there. It’s so common, that feeling that teens have that real life is happening somewhere else, and they just have to get there to be a part of it, and then when they go they realize that everywhere is pretty much the same and this ideal of ‘real life’ is up to you to create, regardless of location. But until that realization, people like her resent everything and everyone around them for not being the far-off dream. The meticulous writing exposes her relationships so efficiently, you understand where everyone stands in an instant. For example, in the first scene. Christine (Saoirse Ronan, amazing and omg her accent is perfect can you please teach all the British actors on the West End doing American parts), who wants to be called Lady Bird because of course she does, is in the car with her mom (Laurie Metcalf, a total bitch but soooo good in this) crying at the end of the audiobook of “The Grapes of Wrath”. When it finishes, Lady Bird goes to put the radio on, and her mom stops her and asks to just sit with what they just heard for a minute (which I SO GET). This pisses Lady Bird off and in the quickest of moments they go from nice bonding moment to all-out fighting and it’s the most believable interaction. You see it coming and you can tell that neither can stop it from happening but there it goes. So precise and flawless.
The cast of characters in school with Lady Bird are just as impeccably depicted. There’s Ladybird’s sweet, overweight best friend Julie (Beanie Feldstein, my FAVORITE, absolutely amazing in “Hello, Dolly” on Broadway with Bette Midler and now in this movie??? GO BEANS GIT IT), sweet and lovable and the perfect kind of friend for Lady Bird, aspiring popular girl, to drop by the wayside when cooler prospects call for it. There’s Lucas Hedges, more than making up for being in the most overrated movie of the 2010s, “Manchester by the Omg I’m asleep so fast”, as Danny, a charming and respectful boy who is great in the school musicals which must mean he’s hiding something. The scene in which he and Lady Bird finally confront each other over his secretly being gay is one of the most moving and remarkable on both actors’ parts. Lucas is heartbreaking in his abject fear of what will happen to him (he goes to a Catholic school remember jfc), and Saoirse goes from cold and angry with him to supportive and compassionate in a split second when she realizes his fear is more important than her being disappointed in a high school relationship. This scene was utter perfection. I mean everything was perfection but this scene will stick with me. I also loved the depiction of Timothee Chalamet’s douchey Kyle (this cast tho), because Greta’s writing nails that kind of white privileged pretty boy who has no idea of anything in the world. “Oh I don’t believe in money; I try to barter where I can” and Lady Bird’s like “our private school costs money and you are rich you dingus” well she doesn’t call him a dingus, I added that, because she’s still swooning over his face even though he is suuuch a douuuche. It’s so ACCURATE. And there’s Odeya Rush as popular pretty Jenna, who isn’t nearly all that and a bag of chips but Lady Bird really really wants to be her friend because that’s how teenage girls think.
The essential, poignant relationships are of course those of Lady Bird and her parents. Laurie Metcalf so quickly defines her character with precise bounds, you understand how a teenage girl would react to and try to break them. You clearly see why they each act the way they do, and how their clashing personalities can’t prevent every looming conflict, and while Laurie’s character kind of sucks a lot, you still can understand why she is so harsh (sometimes) and that it (sometimes) comes from a place of love. She is so clearly afraid for what her not-so-hard-working daughter’s life will hold once she is out of the safety of high school, and although she doesn’t prod her daughter in the most positive ways, you see that she just wants the best for her. Her strictness is driven by the fear that her daughter won’t amount to anything once she leaves home. She simultaneously wants Lady Bird to work harder to achieve more and lessen her expectations regarding what the real world holds for her. Getting much less acclaim, though no less deserving of it, is Tracy Letts, my main man, as her father. Can I just say, it is SO NICE to see this incredible actor and one of our best living playwrights as a decent, kind man instead of a jackass like his character on “Homeland”, or, as I first saw him, as the hideous psychological tormenter in “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” He also writes really disturbing work, like “August: Osage County” so yay for giving him a job that just let him be nice and supportive of his family instead of trying to destroy it.
The real stars are of course Saoirse and Greta (kind of sounds like Hansel and Gretl right), creating absolute perfection, one with her vision and imagination, one with her interpretation. I can’t remember a movie that was about a female protagonist that felt so real and lived in. It’s nice to get one. I can’t wait to watch this over and over.
I watched some of this gloriously beautiful film on an airplane and it made me think for a bit that beauty could still exist in the world despite my being trapped in a building on its side being thrown from one place to another while smelly people were sneezing all around me and while people obviously destined for the Bad Place had taken off their shoes AND SOCKS nearby, thereby depleting any tinge of hope I had left for whatever remains of humanity. But this movie was very pretty, like an animated Starry Night (I think that’s kind of what they were going for…), and so I found an inner smile again and momentarily broke free of the figurative restraints that hatred of fellow humans sometimes bounds me with. And it was fine but I soon lost interest in the plot.
I’m glad this Netflix movie is nominated for Best Cinematography, because that’s the main thing I took away from it, how well done the visuals were. I didn’t have that much interest in the story, no thoughts of what I preferred would happen in the end, but it was pleasant to watch. Not pleasant like fun; it was a very depressing story of what life on a poor farm is like when your husband sucks and you have to shower outside and all your stuff is muddy, but nice to watch. Carey Mulligan is always very solid and is so here, as the dirty wife of the mean guy who landed them on this stupid farm. Their story is fine. The more interesting stuff comes from their tenant farmers, Hap and Florence, the latter of whom is played by Mary J. Blige herself, now a two-time Oscar nominee (for this role and for best song). I don’t know if this role is exactly Oscar-worthy (I do know; it’s not), but she is pleasant to watch. A lot about this movie is pleasant, nothing more, nothing less, which is still a great feat for a movie that features a good deal of racism and an attack by the KKK. Okay I forgot about that last part until now so maybe not the most pleasant movie. I loved Mary’s son, Rondell, who went off to war and fell in love with a white German lady and was so happy because racism doesn’t exist in Germany. But once he was back, the KKK did not like the gall he was showing, such gall, thinking he had the right to quiet enjoyment of his life and the right to fight in a war for their freedom and all, so there is a big attack scene that I watched most of through my fingers. I’m glad there was a sort of happy ending, but I don’t have very strong feelings about this movie. It was fine, parts were well done, the acting was fine, the things it was trying to say were fine. Just nothing special.
How do you have a cast like this and not produce the best movie of the year? I remembered the main gist of the story from the book (everyone did it!) but forgot that everyone was connected to the same crime committed by the victim. Somehow, it seemed corny instead of revelatory like in the book. As much as I love Kenneth Branagh, I think I need to stop using all the extra credit he earned for “Much Ado About Nothing” (the best) and start holding him accountable for his directing misfires.
In this very nice to look at film, Kenneth plays Hercule Poirot, famous detective, doing a ridiculous French accent because apparently no one in Kenneth’s life ever tells him no. He’s in like Istanbul or something and he solves a crime that gets a police man in trouble, so that’s a great start, but then it’s confusing and you’re like okay somehow he’s on a fancy train, not sure why or how considering the crime he needs to solve on the train didn’t happen yet, whatever. Then you see this incredibly fancy train and you’re like what the actual fuck because what trains really look like that, where are the flooding toilets of recycled water and the Uzbek men taking off their shirts and the babies running around naked and screaming at you in Chinese and the heat, my god the heat? Fancy people know how to travel. And you see Johnny Depp flirt with Michelle Pfeiffer and Josh Gad in a silly mustache and Leslie Odom, Jr. NOT singing and also in a silly mustache and you see Penelope Cruz and you are like what the actual fuck are you doing in this movie and then there’s a Jedi and then there’s Judi Dench and by this point you’re like no this is too much nonsense. How do so many good actors produce so horrendous acting? Is that a result of poor direction or the camera speed where everything looks like the news? So much potential but so poorly managed, and I don’t know whether to blame Kenneth or just recognize that this story is best told in book form. Maybe both maybe both.
In this very nice to look at film, Kenneth plays Hercule Poirot, famous detective, doing a ridiculous French accent because apparently no one in Kenneth’s life ever tells him no. He’s in like Istanbul or something and he solves a crime that gets a police man in trouble, so that’s a great start, but then it’s confusing and you’re like okay somehow he’s on a fancy train, not sure why or how considering the crime he needs to solve on the train didn’t happen yet, whatever. Then you see this incredibly fancy train and you’re like what the actual fuck because what trains really look like that, where are the flooding toilets of recycled water and the Uzbek men taking off their shirts and the babies running around naked and screaming at you in Chinese and the heat, my god the heat? Fancy people know how to travel. And you see Johnny Depp flirt with Michelle Pfeiffer and Josh Gad in a silly mustache and Leslie Odom, Jr. NOT singing and also in a silly mustache and you see Penelope Cruz and you are like what the actual fuck are you doing in this movie and then there’s a Jedi and then there’s Judi Dench and by this point you’re like no this is too much nonsense. How do so many good actors produce so horrendous acting? Is that a result of poor direction or the camera speed where everything looks like the news? So much potential but so poorly managed, and I don’t know whether to blame Kenneth or just recognize that this story is best told in book form. Maybe both maybe both.
I don’t think England knows this movie exists, so unforch I kinda didn’t either. Send me a screener!
I’m sorry but this is the other one on the list that I haven’t seen yet. What can I say I was in Australia while all the movies were here! But it sounds great. Streep good, Spielberg good, Hanks GOOD! The story sounds super relevant for today (with the Washington Post being one of the few sources we can sometimes trust) so I am eager to see it. I guess it’s not as good as “Spotlight”, or maybe the Academy is just done with journalism movies winning for this decade, so it’s not getting much attention despite the caliber of those involved. They made this super fast too, right? Like in response to the political climate right now? So impressive. Look at me I can say so much about movies I haven’t seen I’m like a white man on the internet!
If ever a story should not have worked as well as it did. Guillermo del Toro’s brilliant, beautiful look at what happens when an unassuming little mute lady falls in love with a sea monster being tortured and examined by government researchers is a lot more touching and less revolting than it sounds. I don’t know how he did it, but it’s a testament to his brilliance that this really unbelievable, weird as shit story felt so believable. Or at least a little more acceptable. Okay it’s not acceptable to have affairs with sea creatures but you get what I mean, it doesn’t feel as weird in the moment. Lil Guillermino created an entire dazzling world to set his story in, and this world is so full and complete that it feels sad to leave it when it’s over. Also it has the most fun title of the year to play with, because you can say ‘The Shape of Wooder’ to be like you’re from Philly AND you can say ‘The Shape of Warder’ to pretend like you are George St. Geegland because that is hundo p how he would say it.
“The Shape of Water” (whatever container it’s in? heyoooo) tells the story of Eliza, a kind little woman who is mute and has only her older gay neighbor Giles (Richard Jenkins, always so good) to spend time with outside of work. She works as a cleaning lady in a government research facility, where her only friend there is the always hilarious Octavia Spencer as Zelda, talking enough for the both of them. Soon the two Michaels enter the scene: Michael Stuhlbarg, a govvie scientist (named Dr. Robert Hoffstetler, which I’m sharing because I think my high school English teacher was named Robert Hostetler it’s close it’s close) , is helping examine a new ‘asset’ in the lab, a man-sized sea creature that will help them fight the Russians…somehow…; and Michael Shannon, always terrifying, is the Colonel in charge of the operation who really just wants to bash the thing open and examine it that way, and also wants to take all the joy out of the world. Zelda and Eliza are tasked with cleaning the lab where the creature’s giant tank is located and FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON they are often LEFT THERE UNMONITORED. I mean really, of all the crazy shit that happens in this movie, what with a sea creature not only EXISTING but being able to fall in love with humans and cure their baldness, THIS was the most unbelievable part. There’s no way in hell that a government lab would ever leave an alien type life form unattended, especially with civilians in there with him/it.
But let’s suspend that little touch of disbelief for now because we’ve already accepted this world where the creature exists anyway. At the beginning, you’re like, is this going to be some really weird Beauty and the Beast situation where we’re supposed to be okay with bestiality? But after a little while you’re like eh what’s the harm, and you stop holding onto your doubt and your scruples because this world onscreen is so gloriously considered that it doesn’t really matter what you personally think. And all the thoughts I had early on like looking around and saying ‘um this is weird, guys’ to the ghost of Guillermo in the theatre with me quickly vanished and I was just like ‘alright I’m buying into this.’ Even my initial annoyance that Sally Hawkins had to be completely naked in the beginning went away the next time she was naked (she was naked a lot) and I just totally bought that she had to be naked a lot. Guillermo is a wizard.
So Eliza, although she has two whole friends, is still pretty lonely, and she slowly starts to befriend the sea creature, whom we will refer to, because I’m tired of typing sea creature, as…Baby Fish Mouth. She feels bad for it because mean old Michael Shannon keeps beating and electrocuting it into submission because he is another great example of fragile white masculinity in a man who needs to oppress those in positions of lesser privilege than him in order to continue feeling like he has a hold on his undeserved power. He really hurts Baby Fish Mouth okay that’s not going to work either, okay he’s like a mermaid, well a merman, right so let’s call himmmm Ethel Merman oh my goddddd this is my best work. Omg they should have called Eliza ‘Ethel’ because they he could be Ethel’s Merman. Okay so Eliza is very sweet and like one of those rare decent humans who feels empathy for others in pain and shockingly doesn’t want any being to suffer, so she starts sneaking in to the lab and giving Merman eggs to eat and teaching him signs for things. One of the main reasons she is drawn to his company is because he is like her in his silence and his communicating with signs, and she doesn’t really have anyone like that in her life, anyone who sees her for what she is and doesn’t judge her as lacking anything. It’s weird af I know but it’s really sweet when you break down the reasons for their connection. Over time (not as much as you’d think though; you’d think that a human would need a little more time to come around to the idea of taking a mermaid as a lover but here we are), their connection deepens, and when Eliza overhears the Colonel’s plan to kill Merman against the protestations of the guy who is actually a scientist (and a Russian spy, but that’s neither here nor there), she is initially devastated and then determined to save his life. With the help of Giles, and with the grudging consent of Zelda, Eliza undertakes to save the life of the man? thing? Merman she loves and keep him in her bathtub for just a bit until the rains allow the canal to open to the ocean. It all makes a lot of sense.
Because this world of the movie is so meticulously formed and so beautifully rendered, with every word and frame carefully considered, it manages to expertly handle so many things at once – the evil government operative with a great deal of power, the Russian spy who may still be a decent man who means well, adorable old Richard Jenkins trying to pick up a pie shop worker, the fact that Giles and Eliza live above a movie theatre, and of course the love story between a mute lady and a SEA MONSTER – without ever feeling like there’s too much going on or that something could have been cut. Everything feels necessary to tell the complete story, and it’s so well done. The revelation of what Eliza’s scars may have always been meant for was one of my favorite moments in movies this year, maybe ever. I was super stressed out the entire time watching this movie – there’s a lot to worry about – but at that moment, towards the end, there’s a feeling of resolution and it resolves everything that came before, like one complete perfect circle that you didn’t know was going to be a circle until that moment. It feels so natural, that it had to end like that, and even though this story is wacky af on paper, onscreen it’s beautiful and poignant.
“The Shape of Water” (whatever container it’s in? heyoooo) tells the story of Eliza, a kind little woman who is mute and has only her older gay neighbor Giles (Richard Jenkins, always so good) to spend time with outside of work. She works as a cleaning lady in a government research facility, where her only friend there is the always hilarious Octavia Spencer as Zelda, talking enough for the both of them. Soon the two Michaels enter the scene: Michael Stuhlbarg, a govvie scientist (named Dr. Robert Hoffstetler, which I’m sharing because I think my high school English teacher was named Robert Hostetler it’s close it’s close) , is helping examine a new ‘asset’ in the lab, a man-sized sea creature that will help them fight the Russians…somehow…; and Michael Shannon, always terrifying, is the Colonel in charge of the operation who really just wants to bash the thing open and examine it that way, and also wants to take all the joy out of the world. Zelda and Eliza are tasked with cleaning the lab where the creature’s giant tank is located and FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON they are often LEFT THERE UNMONITORED. I mean really, of all the crazy shit that happens in this movie, what with a sea creature not only EXISTING but being able to fall in love with humans and cure their baldness, THIS was the most unbelievable part. There’s no way in hell that a government lab would ever leave an alien type life form unattended, especially with civilians in there with him/it.
But let’s suspend that little touch of disbelief for now because we’ve already accepted this world where the creature exists anyway. At the beginning, you’re like, is this going to be some really weird Beauty and the Beast situation where we’re supposed to be okay with bestiality? But after a little while you’re like eh what’s the harm, and you stop holding onto your doubt and your scruples because this world onscreen is so gloriously considered that it doesn’t really matter what you personally think. And all the thoughts I had early on like looking around and saying ‘um this is weird, guys’ to the ghost of Guillermo in the theatre with me quickly vanished and I was just like ‘alright I’m buying into this.’ Even my initial annoyance that Sally Hawkins had to be completely naked in the beginning went away the next time she was naked (she was naked a lot) and I just totally bought that she had to be naked a lot. Guillermo is a wizard.
So Eliza, although she has two whole friends, is still pretty lonely, and she slowly starts to befriend the sea creature, whom we will refer to, because I’m tired of typing sea creature, as…Baby Fish Mouth. She feels bad for it because mean old Michael Shannon keeps beating and electrocuting it into submission because he is another great example of fragile white masculinity in a man who needs to oppress those in positions of lesser privilege than him in order to continue feeling like he has a hold on his undeserved power. He really hurts Baby Fish Mouth okay that’s not going to work either, okay he’s like a mermaid, well a merman, right so let’s call himmmm Ethel Merman oh my goddddd this is my best work. Omg they should have called Eliza ‘Ethel’ because they he could be Ethel’s Merman. Okay so Eliza is very sweet and like one of those rare decent humans who feels empathy for others in pain and shockingly doesn’t want any being to suffer, so she starts sneaking in to the lab and giving Merman eggs to eat and teaching him signs for things. One of the main reasons she is drawn to his company is because he is like her in his silence and his communicating with signs, and she doesn’t really have anyone like that in her life, anyone who sees her for what she is and doesn’t judge her as lacking anything. It’s weird af I know but it’s really sweet when you break down the reasons for their connection. Over time (not as much as you’d think though; you’d think that a human would need a little more time to come around to the idea of taking a mermaid as a lover but here we are), their connection deepens, and when Eliza overhears the Colonel’s plan to kill Merman against the protestations of the guy who is actually a scientist (and a Russian spy, but that’s neither here nor there), she is initially devastated and then determined to save his life. With the help of Giles, and with the grudging consent of Zelda, Eliza undertakes to save the life of the man? thing? Merman she loves and keep him in her bathtub for just a bit until the rains allow the canal to open to the ocean. It all makes a lot of sense.
Because this world of the movie is so meticulously formed and so beautifully rendered, with every word and frame carefully considered, it manages to expertly handle so many things at once – the evil government operative with a great deal of power, the Russian spy who may still be a decent man who means well, adorable old Richard Jenkins trying to pick up a pie shop worker, the fact that Giles and Eliza live above a movie theatre, and of course the love story between a mute lady and a SEA MONSTER – without ever feeling like there’s too much going on or that something could have been cut. Everything feels necessary to tell the complete story, and it’s so well done. The revelation of what Eliza’s scars may have always been meant for was one of my favorite moments in movies this year, maybe ever. I was super stressed out the entire time watching this movie – there’s a lot to worry about – but at that moment, towards the end, there’s a feeling of resolution and it resolves everything that came before, like one complete perfect circle that you didn’t know was going to be a circle until that moment. It feels so natural, that it had to end like that, and even though this story is wacky af on paper, onscreen it’s beautiful and poignant.
This movie was all climax and I’m still angry about it. Instead of having waves of drama ebb and flow, this was all the top part of the wave, like when bad actors in plays scream all their lines to convey drama but instead because they are all screamed the screaming loses all effect and it’s just like what stop it. It was just action coming at you the whole time so nothing really mattered or made a dent and your eyes just glazed over and you’re like what happened to JJ, guys.
Although I am still a bit conflicted about this film, I can’t deny that it was so enjoyable to watch. Enjoyable might not be the right word because it is debilitating in its melancholy, but it was really a great movie. It’s only when you think about it outside the viewing experience that you’re like wait…what….that’s a little screwed up. Lemme splain.
Frances McDormand, who apparently only does amazing work, like has she ever ever done something that wasn’t incredible, plays Mildred Hayes, the grieving mother of Lucas Hedges (yet again; who is this kid’s agent) and a girl who has been abducted and murdered. She is furious, as one would be, that the local police department, run by Woody Harrelson and ‘helped’ by an inept Sam Rockwell, still hasn’t found the murderer or served any kind of justice, meaning that Frances isn’t being allowed to fully grieve. As such, she decides to take matters into her own hands, to try to get something done. She hires the three titular billboards to call out the police department – Woody’s chief in particular – and ask why nothing has been done. And although everyone in town kind of hates her for it, it does light a fire under their asses a bit, and spurs further investigation in a case that most of the people wanted to forget about.
Woody’s chief is actually a decent man, who understands where Mildred is coming from although he doesn’t like it. He’s also dying of cancer, which doesn’t seem like the moooost necessary plot point, but it does mean that the town hates her even more for being hard on him. I mean, she just wants him to do his job, but he is so beloved and it’s so sad that he’s suffering that she gets lots of death threats. Like she gives a shit. The sense that, although the two of them can’t really stand each other, they understand and maybe respect each other, is well established and it’s unfortunate that it’s so short-lived. One part that was really not well done, and sticks out like a sore thumb as just the weirdest part of the movie, is Woody’s last jaunt with his wife and the letter he writes her after. That letter is awkward as ass. No one would write that kind of stuff ever, let alone in a suicide note. I call bullshit.
There’s a lot that seems extraneous but it all works together to inform the story. Like Mildred’s abusive ex-husband who is now with a super young girl, making her life even harder than it already is. There’s Peter Dinkalge as a local who wants to date Mildred and so helps her out even though she’s mean to him. That’s not so necessary but ok. There’s the young guy working in the office that owns the billboards (Caleb Landry Jones) who is a dumb goof but means well. And then there’s the man who throws him out the window and causes a whole lot of trouble before he maybe starts doing some good, Sam Rockwell, as Officer Dixon, is a racist who enjoys beating up local black people for no reason, so we are told in dialogue but so it is not hard to believe because that is indeed what American cops enjoy doing. He’s a monster who thinks he is doing good, which is the worst kind of monster. Like when he beats the living hell out of Caleb, he thinks he is doing a nice thing by protecting his chief’s honor. He’s like an idiot helper dog, or a kid who dumps flour all over the floor and says “I’m helping”. He’s like an evil racist Ralph Wiggum, I guess.
Mildred becomes a sort of similar monster too, when she thinks she is doing good and has good intentions but decides to do things like set the police station on fire. When Dixon is revealed to be still in the station when it’s set alight, I really thought he was going to die; I did not realize how much time was left. The near-death experience helps him to sooooort of start acting like he’s not the worst person on the face of the earth, and he tries to actually solve the Hayes case. It’s a nice turnaround, but it’s effectively the redemption story of a horrible white male racist, which is not the story we really need. Yes racists should stop being terrible and should help people solve crimes or whatever, but when taken with the fact that all the black people in the movie are irrelevant to the plot, or that he never really faces consequences for his racism, it’s a bit much.
Putting aside the racial awkwardness, the film is a whole lot. I’m not sure of what, but it’s a lot. It’s moving sometimes, it’s harrowing, it’s hilarious sometimes – though not as much as the trailer would have you believe. Honestly, this had probably the best trailer I’ve ever seen, so masterfully done to make it seem like a really sensational dark comedy. But while parts were funny, it was a serious drama overall. Trailer lied. The movie is much more serious than the trailer gave it credit for, or admitted, but of course it is when you learn what really happened to the daughter. It’s disturbing and hard to agree with the perspective that Mildred is going too far off the rails when you think about what she’s dealing with. Yes she’s going nuts and neglecting her son and her sense of decency, but I’m sure it’s hard to remember what decency feels like at times like that. And although there is so much to grapple with, so much discomfort both in the story and the telling, I think that’s the point? Maybe? Regardless, Frances does such a tremendous job of carrying this film that the issues don’t terribly matter in the end, because it’s so exhilarating to watch her wreak havoc on everything around her with such mastery. The acting is what makes this movie great when the writing threatens to let it down. I feel like I really enjoyed this movie and thought it was great but the more I think about it the more conflicted I get so let’s just stop.
Your turn! Tell me your thoughts!
Frances McDormand, who apparently only does amazing work, like has she ever ever done something that wasn’t incredible, plays Mildred Hayes, the grieving mother of Lucas Hedges (yet again; who is this kid’s agent) and a girl who has been abducted and murdered. She is furious, as one would be, that the local police department, run by Woody Harrelson and ‘helped’ by an inept Sam Rockwell, still hasn’t found the murderer or served any kind of justice, meaning that Frances isn’t being allowed to fully grieve. As such, she decides to take matters into her own hands, to try to get something done. She hires the three titular billboards to call out the police department – Woody’s chief in particular – and ask why nothing has been done. And although everyone in town kind of hates her for it, it does light a fire under their asses a bit, and spurs further investigation in a case that most of the people wanted to forget about.
Woody’s chief is actually a decent man, who understands where Mildred is coming from although he doesn’t like it. He’s also dying of cancer, which doesn’t seem like the moooost necessary plot point, but it does mean that the town hates her even more for being hard on him. I mean, she just wants him to do his job, but he is so beloved and it’s so sad that he’s suffering that she gets lots of death threats. Like she gives a shit. The sense that, although the two of them can’t really stand each other, they understand and maybe respect each other, is well established and it’s unfortunate that it’s so short-lived. One part that was really not well done, and sticks out like a sore thumb as just the weirdest part of the movie, is Woody’s last jaunt with his wife and the letter he writes her after. That letter is awkward as ass. No one would write that kind of stuff ever, let alone in a suicide note. I call bullshit.
There’s a lot that seems extraneous but it all works together to inform the story. Like Mildred’s abusive ex-husband who is now with a super young girl, making her life even harder than it already is. There’s Peter Dinkalge as a local who wants to date Mildred and so helps her out even though she’s mean to him. That’s not so necessary but ok. There’s the young guy working in the office that owns the billboards (Caleb Landry Jones) who is a dumb goof but means well. And then there’s the man who throws him out the window and causes a whole lot of trouble before he maybe starts doing some good, Sam Rockwell, as Officer Dixon, is a racist who enjoys beating up local black people for no reason, so we are told in dialogue but so it is not hard to believe because that is indeed what American cops enjoy doing. He’s a monster who thinks he is doing good, which is the worst kind of monster. Like when he beats the living hell out of Caleb, he thinks he is doing a nice thing by protecting his chief’s honor. He’s like an idiot helper dog, or a kid who dumps flour all over the floor and says “I’m helping”. He’s like an evil racist Ralph Wiggum, I guess.
Mildred becomes a sort of similar monster too, when she thinks she is doing good and has good intentions but decides to do things like set the police station on fire. When Dixon is revealed to be still in the station when it’s set alight, I really thought he was going to die; I did not realize how much time was left. The near-death experience helps him to sooooort of start acting like he’s not the worst person on the face of the earth, and he tries to actually solve the Hayes case. It’s a nice turnaround, but it’s effectively the redemption story of a horrible white male racist, which is not the story we really need. Yes racists should stop being terrible and should help people solve crimes or whatever, but when taken with the fact that all the black people in the movie are irrelevant to the plot, or that he never really faces consequences for his racism, it’s a bit much.
Putting aside the racial awkwardness, the film is a whole lot. I’m not sure of what, but it’s a lot. It’s moving sometimes, it’s harrowing, it’s hilarious sometimes – though not as much as the trailer would have you believe. Honestly, this had probably the best trailer I’ve ever seen, so masterfully done to make it seem like a really sensational dark comedy. But while parts were funny, it was a serious drama overall. Trailer lied. The movie is much more serious than the trailer gave it credit for, or admitted, but of course it is when you learn what really happened to the daughter. It’s disturbing and hard to agree with the perspective that Mildred is going too far off the rails when you think about what she’s dealing with. Yes she’s going nuts and neglecting her son and her sense of decency, but I’m sure it’s hard to remember what decency feels like at times like that. And although there is so much to grapple with, so much discomfort both in the story and the telling, I think that’s the point? Maybe? Regardless, Frances does such a tremendous job of carrying this film that the issues don’t terribly matter in the end, because it’s so exhilarating to watch her wreak havoc on everything around her with such mastery. The acting is what makes this movie great when the writing threatens to let it down. I feel like I really enjoyed this movie and thought it was great but the more I think about it the more conflicted I get so let’s just stop.
Your turn! Tell me your thoughts!
