Art School Restaurant: Fine (in both senses of the word) Dining in Liverpoolby Randi / August 13, 201824 Hours in Liverpool: A Quick Tour of Beatlemania, Museums, and Other Sights
Almost one year ago, as we traveled across China by train, we were arriving in Xi’an to see the famed Terracotta Army and its thousands of impressive underground Warriors. If you followed along that journey, or just read that post, you know that seeing the Terracotta Warriors in Xi’an, although clearly amazing, was quite the harrowing experience. See, China has a lot of people. And most of those people were also trying to look into the excavated pits to see some of the Warriors when we were. To be fair that was our fault for going in August. We didn’t get the best view, and it was probably the most stressed out I’ve ever been. Haha that’s not true I’m stressed out all the time but still, wow. So when we heard that the Terracotta warriors (not all; there are thousands) were going on tour, and one of those tour stops would be Liverpool, we thought 1) jfc we went all the way to Xi’an to see them and they are coming a mere two hours from home?? 1b) it’s okay Xi’an was amazing and it was worth going, and 2) we should go to Liverpool and see our old friends again! So we did. And we liked it, and we loved it.
We made a weekend out of the visit, and we really enjoyed ourselves more than we expected. Liverpool (pronounced LIV POOOO) is way on the opposite side of the country; here in London we’re in the southeast bit and Liverpool is all the way up on the northwest coast. It looks like it should be a pretty substantial journey to get there, but it’s a 2 1/2 hour train. Lol England is baby sized.
We had our Terracotta Take 2 Tickets booked for Saturday afternoon, so we had time to stroll around and get a feel for the city first. I was a little biased towards liking it even before we explored, though, because I recently learned that the Liverpool football club’s team song is “You’ll Never Walk Alone”, as in the big song from “Carousel”. See, sports fans can be musical theatre fans too! I love that so much and I wonder if LFC fans are extra keen to see “Carousel” when it plays (side note you have until September 16 to catch the current Broadway revival!). We arrived the day of Liverpool’s Pride parade, so the city center was extra crowded (like Xi’an!) and extra colorful for us. We found ourselves on the famous Mathew street (one t for real), where we instantly became two of many tourists taking pictures of Beatles statues outside the famous Cavern Club, where the Beatles first became popular, playing super long sets during almost 300 appearances there. Of course, they were known as the Quarrymen at that time, and the position of Ringo was being filled by Pete Best. (I’ll tell you how I learned things infra.)
would legit die laughing if fancy singing was liverpool for opera
The Cavern Club is where Brian Epstein, who would become the Beatles manager, first saw the group perform. During their performances in the early years, the boys would wear jeans and leather jackets, and they would smoke and drink the whole time. Omg and the stage was in the basement and there was no ventilation. Seeing the early Beatles is probably every person’s dream but it sounds like my nightmare. The fans were already rabid in these early years, so even though I find young fanatics of any era supes annoying, it annoys me extra when older people complain about young fans today, because like, that was you with the Beatles, dog. Anyway, Epstein is the one that made them start wearing suits, which elevated their whole vibe and coincidentally brought in a higher fee. Beatlemania soon broke out nationwide, and then they took over the entire world.
Epstein also signed Cilla Black, who was the hat check girl at the Cavern. Do Brits really say hat-check instead of coat-check? Because everyone is wearing funny hats? LOVES IT
I could tell you more about the Beatles right now, since 24 hours in Liverpool makes one quite the expert, but we’re going to take a short break to see the big f-ing thing we came for, the Terracotta Warriors.
The exhibition, on until October, is located in the city center at the World Museum, and tickets are going fast so book online way ahead of time.
As you probably remember from the OG Terracotta Warriors post, this huge statuary army is some A-level grave robbing. Qin Shi Huang, the First Emperor of China, ordered all of these figures – warriors, chariots, horses – to be built and buried with him in a huge secret underground city of a grave in order to protect him in the afterlife. Wasn’t HE surprised! Work on the army began when the wee emperor was only 13 years old, in 246 BCE, so they’re hella old, and there’s hella lots of them – approximately 8,000 soldiers were buried with the emperor. Eventually, 700,000 workers were involved with this project in some capacity.
This touring exhibit only has about 8 or so of the soldiers on display, so, a good deal less than you’d see in the gigantic excavated pits of Xi’an. But the exhibit has a good deal more information explaining the significance of the army and the historical relevance of the time period, so we actually learned more than we did in China – probably because all the signs were in Chinese and/or unable to be reached. This museum did a nice job putting together a complete exhibit even though nothing can rival seeing the thousands of statues in the pits.
my favorite sign outside of China
Although, the museum did try to rival the pits. Above is THE BEST INFORMATION SIGN EVER. Let’s break it down paragraph by paragraph, because each one has absolute GOLD, JERRY! First, we freaking died laughing (I’m sorry it was and still is very inappropriate NEVER LAUGH AT DEATH) that the emperor thought ‘hmm maybe I’ll drink this terrifying shape-shifting metal that when mixed with aluminum COMPLETELY FUCKS YOUR SHIT UP [have you seen that video?] to try to attain immortality OH NO WAIT I DIED FROM IT.’ It’s pretty funny.
It’s smart of him to think of plants and herbs to do the trick too, since mercury probably wasn’t so fun to eat, and I absolutely adore the idea of him sending out a crack team of his ‘trusted magician’ plus THOUSANDS OF CHILDREN to find some magic plants on secret beautiful islands. Um, WHY the children? What on earth was his thought process? Besides the obvious “oh i’m so forked up on mercury rn.” Was he like, oh the spirits of the hidden islands probably won’t show their magical lands to anyone but innocent children, so let’s round up thousands and send them into the sea. I GUARANTEE that that magician, if he was worth his salt, took the kids and found an island refuge and was like ‘we are NEVER going back to that lunatic, he will kill us all at some point.’ “Sadly they never return” = “thank god Xu Fu decided to save those kids.”
And lastly, hoo boy, HOW MANY MAGICIANS DID THIS GUY HAVE? I guess if he had 3,000 spare kids to send off on an island-finding adventure, he had more than his fair share of magicians to send hither and thither looking for, ostensibly, weed, but I just love that all these signs kept referring to more and more of his endless supply of magicians. I mean, someone holler at this boy that if sooo many people are claiming to be magicians, it’s just math that some of them are lying. But my favorite part is that he and the fam sought immortality so hard that they tried to ensure it even after they died. ‘Oh let’s put these symbols of immortal beings in our tombs for when we die so maybe they will grant us immortality.’ Guys, did noooo one hear themselves?
One of my favorite parts of the exhibit was a gorgeous suit made entirely of jade tiles. It was for one of the emperor’s family members, to be buried in…inside his tomb…after his death…in order to ensure immortality. Oh it’s TOO GOOD. But at least all their superstitions about the afterlife paid off for us! It was cool to see our old warrior friends again and remember all the good times we had in Xi’an.
Next, more Beatles.
Everywhere you go in Liverpool, you’ll either see a pub with a Beatly name (e.g. The Sergeant Pepper), or hear Beatles music playing from somewhere, or see Beatles gift shops, or statues, or all of them at once, usually. But the official, actually great Beatles museum is called The Beatles Story, and it’s near the river (which is called the Mersey, which is what you will be asking for after you hear ‘Help!’ 5 times in a row in certain pubs). Entry to the Beatles Story is $17 (that’s pounddollars), which seems like a lot if you’re someone like me who is like ‘eh yeah I guess the Beatles were good’, but it’s actually well worth it. This is one of the most entertaining, informative museums. I think the key to enjoying yourself is timing – we arrived at about 6:30pm on a Saturday night, pre-dinner. It closes at 8pm, but we were assured we’d have time to finish the whole thing. When we arrived, the staff was honestly so happy for us. They all kind of exclaimed, “Wow you are brilliant for coming here now!” Apparently, at all other hours, especially on weekends, the place is packed to the gills with people. And since we returned the next morning to visit the gift shop, we saw how true this was. Just the line for tickets alone snaked around and around the entry hall, packed with school groups and visitors from all over Europe. In contrast, on this Saturday evening, we were the only people in that entryway. Amazing tip I just gave you. It was a little tight to finish in time (they let us stay till about 8:15pm), but overall it was great.
The museum takes you through the entirety of their lives – starting with their childhoods, families, and when they first started playing instruments, going through their early Quarrymen years, the Epstein partnership, the albums, the movies, the world takeover, and the deaths/later years. All of it. There’s an audioguide that is included with the ticket price, and it’s very good. Sometimes it doesn’t quite match up with the order of the rooms, but the information is really interesting and helpful.
The coolest part is that the basement is a recreated version of the Cavern Club – so you’d go down the rickety steps into the completely unventilated basement room and see the bar, the stage, and the chairs lined up for the audience. It was very cool, and there was tons of information everywhere about how Epstein took over management, how he and the rest of the band asked Pete Best to leave and Ringo Starr to join, how their early devout fans rioted about the change, &c.
hot tip: when you take your picture in front of this stage, as you will inevitably do, the lighting is such that you will look like a deformed wax figure
When you leave the stage and enter the next room, be warned that the ventilation status (i.e. there is none) gets a whole lot worse and kind of smelly. It was like being behind a restaurant with all that weird hot exhaust blowing out. So hurry on through and get to the more fun times, like the magical mystery tour bus!
not a real bus
Real submarine though!
Move along the halls and get all your timeframes mixed up (this is where the signage and audio started to get confused a bit, prob from all the LSD) and soon you’ll run into the yellow submarine! Guests can enter the sub and take pictures inside, which we did obviously. It was good silly fun to break up all the sad stories before and after, like about Epstein, and Lennon, and George, and America I guess.
We learned a good deal about each of the men (and Yoko too), especially Paul and John since they were the starriest of them. John’s activism was pretty weird. There were lots of pictures of him and Yoko sitting in bed with paper bags over their heads. Not really sure what they were going for but it was anti-war, which is good. My favorite bit of information is that Paul now owns a publishing company, MPL Communications, and they own the rights to Grease, A Chorus Line, and Guys & Dolls. I think it is hilarious that little community theatres putting on these shows are paying Paul McCartney.
John’s white piano
I definitely recommend paying a visit to the Beatles Story Museum, which taught me 99% of everything I know about the Beatles (I didn’t know much before). They have a great gift shop too, with lots of fun shirts and pieces of crap that no one needs but everyone really wants. The shop is open to the (non-ticketed) public.
As a final stop on our Beatles Tour of Liverpool, we drove down Penny Lane. Yes it’s an actual road they wrote the song about. It’s nowhere close to the city center, however. We saw a few black cabs bringing tourists over here to take their pictures, which is probably the easiest option for visitors. There were also giant tour buses but they can’t actually make the turn onto the narrow road. We had the good fortune of being driven down the lane by our friend’s parents. (Thanks again!)
If you came here for the Beatles tourism information, that’s where we end, unforch. But we have a few more famous Liverpool sights to look at. First up, the Bombed Out Church. I KNOW. That’s literally its name.
it’s weird to call it that guys
The Bombed Out Church, named by stoned people?, was once called St. Luke’s Church but then it got bombed in World War II, in 1941 during the Liverpool Blitz, and it has been a ruin and a memorial to those lost in the war ever since. It looks down Bold Street, which is Liverpool center’s most famous/happening/hip af street, so I guess it needed a really cool name. Cool name, guys.
While it was a still functioning church, it was also intended to be used as a venue for ceremonial worship and as a concert venue. I bet whoever set those original usage restrictions had no idea what would happen in 2018:
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I find these posters kind of hilarious, the Gin Party one in a ‘wow even churches in England are alcoholics’ kind of way and the comedy one in ‘hooooly, TOO SOON!’ kind of way. I mean come on, “explosive” comedy? at the Bombed Out church? TOO SOON. So funny.
The last sight we had to see (and had time to see) (time to see what we had time to see! turn the projector on!) was the Three Graces. These are three landmark buildings along the Mersey waterfront, and I have no idea why they are called the Graces and not just like Nice Historic Buildings but maybe someone out there does. The three buildings are: the Royal Liver Building, which opened in 1911 to be the home of the Royal Liver Assurance group and was one of the first buildings in the world to be built using reinforced concrete; the Cunard Building, built between 1914-1917 as the headquarters of the Cunard Line, the cruise line that built the Lusitania (the White Star Line, the makers of the Titanic, were across the street at the time); and the Port of Liverpool Building, constructed between 1904-1907 and the headquarters of the Mersey Docks and Harbour Board for 87 years. The Three Graces are part of Liverpool’s UNESCO-designated World Heritage Maritime Mercantile City.
Here are pictures of the Three Graces with the Four Beatles in front.
Graces #1&2
Grace #3
It’s a lovely walk along the Mersey waterfront to see the Three Graces and the whole Mercantile City as you make your way over to Royal Albert Dock. The RAD (so rad) is a complex of docks and warehouse-y buildings that now house chain restaurants, Beatles gift shops, and the Beatles Story. They also are, of course, working docks, and we were lucky enough to arrive the day the famous Clipper Race was returning to the docks. The Clipper Race, or the Clipper Round the World Yacht Race, is a year-long sailing race around the world – 40,000 nautical miles – that uses ‘trained’ but amateur crew members. The sailors onboard are regular people like you and me, except crazy like Husbo P because even though they aren’t professional sailors or really getting enough training (because enough training = you’d be professional), they’re like ‘sure I’ll sail around the world on this wee boat for a year WHAT COULD GO WRONG’. A qualified skipper leads each boat crew but like, what if he dies, Jill? The crazy ass civilians can sign on for the whole year or for one of the eight legs of the journey. The race has always begun somewhere in England, and this past one started and ended in Liverpool at Royal Albert Dock. So weird, right? And we were there for their triumphant return. This whole thing sounds like my absolute nightmare.
please don’t make me do this
Anyway, I’m happy to report that Australian Wendy Tuck was the winning skipper this year, the first woman to win. Yay for you, Wendy! And yay for me never having to do this, please.
As you can see, even just 24 hours in Liverpool can be full of lots of fun, lots of arts, lots of culture (‘that’s Petah Tikva!’), and reminders of your nightmares. I would not be opposed to returning to this great city, even though I was there on a Saturday night in the summertime – which means I saw no less than FIFTY suuuuper drunken hen dos (bachelorette parties) with brides-to-be in bright pink sashes in like a 3-block radius. They really pack in the hen dos in this town, jee oh boy. We also saw a few of the stereotypical stag dos (bachelor parties), where they make the groom-to-be dress like a baby and walk around town in a giant diaper. If I can get through that and be happy to return, that must mean it’s a pretty cool city.
It also had some incredible vegan food; I was shocked at the number of signs in restaurant windows I saw advertising their vegan options. You can read about our fancy lunch at the Art School here, and here for a look at the best dinner ever (, one of).
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Nanxun, China: Little Known Water Town is an Absolute Must
After our time in Shanghai, we decided to make a stop at a nearby water town before heading to another big city, Hangzhou. Water towns are these tiny traditional villages on canals and what nots that are supposed to provide a charming break from big cities. Nanxun, though little known, is supposed to be the most beautiful water town. It’s touristed by Chinese domestic travelers, but not very visited by Westerners. In fact, it’s not even in our 1000-page guidebook. But the few things we saw online about it tempted us to give it a shot. And thank goodness we did, because Nanxun is the most beautiful village maybe in all of China. Now I haven’t seen all of China yet, but Nanxun is special enough that I would bet on it. If you can get there, you must. I really loved everything about it.
You’re gonna have to take my word for it, though. Not that I don’t have pictures – oh I took more pictures of this beautiful place than anywhere else – to prove it, but just that you can’t verify it with other non-Chinese travelers you know, because I actually don’t think more than five have gone. After our time in the big cities of Beijing and Shanghai, going straight to Nanxun was a rude awakening in terms of anyone knowing English. First of all, we didn’t see a white person from the time we left the Astor House Hotel lobby in Shanghai until we got to Hangzhou, the next destination. And I don’t think anyone in Nanxun had seen a white person in a very long time. In fact, our hotel in Nanxun only had one online review in English, and it was from people who went there in April and said the staff told them they were their very first Western guests. I imagine that means we were the second. How cool is that!
Our amazing hotel, Nanxun Xunyi Jingdian Hostel
When we got out of the car after the 2 1/2 hours or so drive from Shanghai (we just hired a car, it was easier than figuring out various buses can you imagine? outside cities?), we were surprised to see that the ‘hostel’ we booked on the main road, Nanxun Xunyi Jingdian Hostel, right outside the entry to the Old Town section, was a beautiful boutique hotel. They just don’t know what the word hostel means, I think, because this was a hotel if there ever was one. In fact, it was one of the most beautiful hotels I’ve seen. Everything was gorgeous, and the room was sublime. Spacious, airy, and comfortable while still looking like a traditional Chinese place, with a beautiful bathroom, giant clean lovely bed, strong air conditioning, two of the fluffiest robes you’ve ever seen in the closet, two water bottles, and room-specific wifi – can you believe it? So it was the strongest yet. And cheap enough that we assumed it was indeed a hostel, before we saw it. God I loved this place!
This shower was so beautiful! That tile and the sun oh man
yes I’m sharing a picture of robes I don’t care
So, the staff was wonderful – and they didn’t speak a word of English. We communicated back and forth solely via Google Translate, which, if you’ve ever used it, you know is never reliable and in Chinese is often hysterically mistaken. The owner’s phone kept saying ‘daughter-in-law’ to us. “The daughter-in-law is good and the right sort of money. You will find a good daughter-in-law there it’s close to the daughter-in-law and there will be a daughter-in-law.” We just nodded. Oh and the very first thing he had his phone say to us while checking in was, “Are you traveling here?” Um……sure???? Right? Isn’t that…obvious… It was so funny but everything was sorted and great. The fact that dealing with their friendly staff solely via phone apps went 100x more smoothly than dealing with English-speaking staff at the Astor House shows what a better place this was – and for a lot less money. God I loved this place.
Also, the info booklet in the room was amazing, and it did have English – though not very decipherable English. Yes I do want to continue to live! Tell me what to do! Also no wonder our credit card didn’t work – it was not any of those flowers or magical animals, but a regular credit card indeed. Shucks.
After we basked in the delight of a perfect hotel room, we meandered down the block to the Old Town entrance. So Nanxun is a regular small town with a main street and other streets, and the actual old traditional water town part is set back, preserved, and requires an entrance ticket. I was a little surprised and taken aback that the ‘town’ we came to see was ticketed, but it was only 100 yuan (like $15 maybe?) and doing this, I realized, helps preserve the beautiful area and keep it from being built up or modernized or ruined in some way. So, good idea, town.
The sights inside the water town part – like various houses, museums, gardens – close at 5pm, and it was already after 4pm when we arrived, so we weren’t able to do that then. But a kindly guide person told us that at 5pm, when the inside sights close, the grounds are still open and free! So we spent the evening walking around and taking most of our grounds pictures of all the canals and bridges and buildings and boats and it was so flipping beautiful. It’s so lovely
We also got a chance to scope out the things we really wanted to prioritize when we returned for the ticketed parts the next morning. Like the Lotus Garden, which had the biggest lotuses I’ve ever seen.
It was so cool! We also went to a few of the small museums the next day, most of which were fine if not as interesting as the scenery (and not in English). In one, a family asked Z for his picture and then to take pictures with him, the whole family. They didn’t even look at me. After they did their photoshoot, I heard the woman say about Z “Beautiful”. It was weird. But, anyway, they didn’t want my picture so f them.
Taking a boat ride seemed like the thing to do along the canals, Venezia-style, but it was so hot and sunny that sitting still with no shade and not going fast enough for wind seemed like a bad idea. I’m glad we decided to just walk around in the splendor and peace.
Well, the free evening time was peaceful. The next day was PACKED with busloads of Chinese tourists. I forgot that this country was so gigantic that more than a billion Chinese people would still be tourists here. Not all of them were there that day, probably just a million. No it wasn’t that bad, really. Nothing could ruin this little visit for us. It was so perfect.
Inside the old town, there are plenty of shops, selling all kinds of things like fruit teas, weird juices, nut brittles, and lots and lots of Chinese food (tip: it’s just called food here). There was an adorable cat themed cafe that had a real cat inside and an English menu of drinks. I had this delicious watermelon tea drink. We went there both days I think. We needed a lot of cold drinks in that heat.
We were lucky to get to see the old town all quiet and full of locals in the evening, and then boisterous and full of tourists the next. Also, we got to take tons of pictures in different light. Damn we took a lot. Can you blame us?
The best part of Nanxun, well, of course was how beautiful and charming it was. But the second best part was the signage. There are ample signs around the whole old town, and the English translations were INCREDIBLE. I would expect nothing less.
HEAR, HEAR
so….basil?
don’t spare any trash from what? FROM WHAT? also definitely civilzed behavior significantly!
just…everywhere?
WAIT FOR IT!!!!!!!!!!!
…i’ll try harder
I AM NOW THE LOCATION!
Well, that’s just like…your opinion, man…
I don’t even care about the ‘remarks’ spelling — ARE THESE BABIES THE VOLUNTEERS?????
I would love if a Chinese speaker could translate for us and tell us what they were going for. Can you imagine if these were actually accurate and the sign makers are simply hippies or high, maybe? We were smiling all day.
So, if you have time, a visit to Nanxun is essential. It’s important to see a traditional water town to have a well-rounded view of China. But also, it’s so freaking gorgeous, and, coming from Shanghai especially, seems very calm and relaxed. It was like we had chanced upon a secret they had kindly shared with us.
Out in the main part of town, things were more like a normal Chinese city, just small. Everyone stared at us, because we were the only non-Chinese people in town like I said, and probably the first in a while. No one spoke English. NO ONE. I’m not complaining, it’s just crazy to find a place where people don’t even know yes and no and good and stuff. It’s a good reminder not to get too complacent, considering how amazing it is that the common language between all travelers is English. (We would witness Japanese tourists speaking with Spanish tourists in Russia and you know what they speak? English. Sub in literally any other country in either of those three spots and the answer was always English. We are so lucky.) But we can’t rest on our imperialist laurels here! Well, everyone knows ‘hello’ at least. In fact, they shout ‘hello hello’ at us every second of the day, but that is standard practice in China. According to a book Z is reading, sometimes Chinese people refer to two white people as ‘two hellos’. It’s not a friendly hello when they shout it at us from the street. But aside from the shouting, people were friendly despite the language barrier. We had two hilarious interactions as we tried to get food and drink. First, we went into a small tea shop for our next required cold drink. They didn’t have English anywhere, and they didn’t know any. Well, the daughter of the owners knew a few words – literally like yes and no – so they kept hoping she would help, but she couldn’t. We used the app to try to read the menu and figured out it was fruit teas. But even with that, it was still so hard to order, but funny. Everyone was laughing, on both sides, as we tried to understand each other enough to proceed. We ordered a peach tea, which sounded good. Z pointed to one his phone said was peach and I held up one finger to signify we wanted one (to share, see if it’s good first!). Finally it seemed like they got it, and they went in the back to make them. Then they came out with two drinks – one with a half a giant peach in side, pushing out the sides of the plastic, and one yellow one. Apparently, when I held up the one finger, they assumed I was asking for ‘the first one’ in the list, which is a sort of lemonade tea. Oops! Well, better to have two to try! The lemon was way too sweet, but after we drank a little and filled the cup back up with water, it was great. But the peach one was amazing! So if you are in Nanxun go to this little shop and get the peach tea. We ate the peach too, of course.
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Even funnier was our attempt at finding dinner. Well, it wasn’t ha ha funny at first. We were hungry, and it was impossible to figure out what had vegetarian options when no one spoke English and there weren’t English menus. We didn’t expect those things, but we at least needed a picture menu so we could point to things we wanted. (I have so much newfound appreciation for places with picture menus. No more looking down on them.) But this was a small town and most of the restaurants had menus just scribbled on a board or printed up but without pictures. Finally we found one that had pictures on the wall, but not on a menu. So we gestured towards the wall and asked if we could point to what we wanted. They got it! It was okay! I said the words for ‘vegetarian food’ and pointed at a tofu dish and a few vegetables and he nodded when I asked to make sure ‘vegetarian’. There was no picture of rice but that one is easy enough to get across. We got food! It was good – except the eggplant dish was the Chinese version of vegetarian, meaning it had pork in it. Ughhhhh. More food just for Z. Luckily the greens and the tofu were good and uncontaminated.
our required menu format from now on
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But the best part of this meal was the conversation, again solely via Google Translate and the guy’s phone app for translating. Early, he very frustratedly tried to say something that we just DID NOT understand. A word apparently in English, but we didn’t get it. He went away, and came back 10 minutes later with a translated statement up on his phone screen “The USA has a place called Las Vegas.” Guy, you’re right and that was totally worth the trouble.
This happened a lot during the meal, with everyone looking at us and the owner-man coming up every few minutes with his phone queued up with some ridiculous statement. It was amazing. We tried so hard not to laugh every time. But the kicker, oh man, the kicker. At the end, I guess he felt comfortable enough finally in our conversationship to ask us about politics. And not just any politics. but the best political question ever framed. He came up to us, held out his phone, and it read, “Do you support the merchant, president tranp?” We still have bruises from how hard we were kicking each other, trying not to laugh but FAILING MISERABLY. Can you even? The misspelling! The comma! THE MERCHANT! We bring that up every day and still lose our shit laughing. Oh my god. I think we said no but the guy was probably super confused by how hard we were laughing while trying not to.
OH man, Nanxun. I love everything about you.
We were in Nanxun for only 24 hours, but it was one of our fullest visits. The sights were glorious, the hotel was perfection, and the interactions with people were beyond hilarious and adorable. And the signs. My god, the signs. I definitely wholeheartedly recommend a short jaunt here if you are planning to visit Shanghai (2.5 hour drive) or Hangzhou (2 hour drive) – where we headed next.
Moscow, Russia: A Bustling City of Landmarks, Police, and Barricades
I honestly still don’t know how I feel about Moscow. We spent four days there, and saw all the things we wanted to see in four days, and I just feel like I don’t have a handle on the city. There’s a lot going on and every area feels like a different city or even country. The center is really fancy, with every high fashion design house and jewelry company represented on polished streets. But 10 minutes outside the center, and by the train stations, it looks like how we’d imagine Russia at the collapse of the Soviet Union. It’s all very incongruous, and not being able to grasp the correct mood of the city made me feel uneasy. Although, it could just be because of the P.O.S. hostel we stayed at!
We left St. Petersburg Wednesday night at 11:55pm on the famous Red Arrow sleeper train, Train #001, for Moscow. This was our first real leg of the Trans Siberian (or Trans Mongolian…or Trans Manchurian…we’re going to Mongolia & China so it’s like both/all/I don’t know). Oh we met some older tourists earlier that day or the day before who were Russian but lived in Miami. They asked what we were doing in Russia and we said “We’re doing the Trans Siberian Railway!” and the Russian Miami lady said “Oh is that a Jewish thing?” Like first of all what. Second of all what Russian person doesn’t know about their train system? Thirdly who says anything like that to 3 strangers who are combined only 1/6 Jewish? Was so weird! Who doesn’t know what the Trans Siberian is when you are IN Russia? So now every time we are faced with any sort of new thing we go “Oh is that a Jewish thing?” Amazing. So anyway, on our St. Petey-Moscow sleeper, we were in second class but it was the fanciest darn train I’ve ever seen. (What on earth is first class like!) I boarded with my teeth already brushed, my face already washed. I hurried to the bathroom in the train-provided slippers to take out my contacts and put on my pajamas, and then I was ready to snuggle into my clean white-sheeted bottom bunk when…our stranger cabinmate arrived! Second class means cabins of four beds, and we were three people, so we had a STRANGER! His name was Ivan and he was a Russian man, mid-30s I’d say. He was super nice and friendly and spoke enough English to get by with us, but that meant he was up for chatting AND he had a friend in the next cabin who came in and sat with us! On our beds ughhhh. It was after midnight and I wanted to sleep and I was so tired from all we’ve been doing and these two Russian guys were drinking and chatting for hours with the two American boys while I did the head-conk sleepy thing I used to do in Statistics. I mean trying to stay awake so strangers can drink and talk in your room after midnight when one of them isn’t even supposed to be there and in the best case you can only get like 6 hours of sleep and you have a HUGE day of sightseeing to do the next day isn’t exactly my idea of fun. But I’m weird like that.
Still, it was a beautiful train and a great experience – one which really spoiled me for the subsequent train journeys this trip, but we’ll get to that later. On this fancy train, they gave slippers and toothbrushes and little water bottles and breakfast cookies (not for me but still). Even though we didn’t get enough sleep, we were excited enough by our arrival in Moscow to charge through a whole day of stuff. We arrived at the train station which is in one of the not-nice areas and I was like oh hot damn, we’re not in Kansas anymore. We made our way to our hostel, which was luckily centrally located in the nice part of the city, so its location was 100% responsible for its high online rating. 7 minute walk from the Bolshoi Ballet, 15-20 from Red Square. The location was responsible for all its internet points, because it was a p.o.s. The teenagers ‘working’ there, and I use that word loosely, barely did anything at all. It was an ordeal to get them to do their job, like put toilet paper in the shared bathrooms. One of the guys working a few night shifts I think was just hanging around because he was the boyfriend of one of the actual employees. It was all very ridiculous and unprofessional. Speaking of those shared bathrooms, one for each sex, they each had one communal hand towel by the sinks. Those towels were not changed more than once in our four day stay. Husband said the men’s remained on the floor in a puddle the whole time. Worst of all, they didn’t have a water cooler or purifier like the last hostel did. We aren’t supposed to drink the tap water so we had to buy sooo much plastic. Ugh. All of this doesn’t even compare to how rude the other guests were. Loud talking all night, music, hell one guy was playing his ukulele at all hours and even though I really like the ukulele I think he put me off the ukulele for the near future. What a shame. But the winner was the guy who was skyping for three hours one night, seated at the small desk right outside our door. He had the loudest voice I’ve ever heard in my life and was a ridiculous person, talking about his views on Ukraine and how he wanted to protest something while in Russia and I was like omg you really are an idiot. When it got past midnight and we were still clearly hearing every painful word of his through our closed door, I went out and was like ARE YOU F-ING KIDDING ME? He moved to a standing wander outside the men’s dorm which I think went over with them equally well. I’m so glad to be done with that place (although I’m writing this from a tiny tiny train cabin shared with two strangers and what I would give for that private room right now.
The first thing on our agenda was to see Red Square, but Husband missed being away from work for so long apparently because the first thing we actually did in Moscow was meet his colleague at the Moscow office of his firm for coffee lololol. Really nice guy! I had two bottles of law firm water for free!
Red Square
GUUUUM
After dropping our bags, we immediately set out for Red Square. That’s the big f-ing thing to see, right? We wanted to see it straight away! (Look how British!) But the politzia had other things in mind. The entire area surrounding the Red Square was barricaded off and black sedans did what seemed like speed tests back and forth in front of the Four Seasons. People who spoke a little English said it was because that day marked an important day in Russian history, but I don’t know how the fake car chases help to celebrate it. With the entire central region cordoned off, it meant we could not get to the Red Square, St. Basils Tomb, the State History Museum, the Kremlin, Lenin’s Tomb, GUM (the department store that was the subject of literally every practice sentence in our first semester of Russian – “Where are you going?” “I’m going to GUM!” “Where can I buy souvenirs?” “You can buy souvenirs at GUM!” – so it was what we were most excited about in all of Moscow, I think. Pro tip, you can’t actually get souvenirs at GUM; it’s a super swanky mall now with every expensive designer you can think of represented, plus endless ice cream carts. We’ve never seen so many people constantly eating ice cream as we have in Russia). Our entire Moscow list was suddenly unavailable to us! So we decided to use that unfortunate turn to go out to the burbs to pick up the rest of our train tickets from the company we used to book them. (You can book them yourself, but we are on such a specific schedule, and it’s summertime so the routes fill up, so we didn’t want to risk it. Also, so far all our trains have been full, so it was worth it.)So at least we got that over with, but we still hadn’t seen really any of the city yet!
State HIstory Museum
Later that afternoon, we decided to try again, but nope, barricades everywhere you turn. Luckily, one of the guards at the barricades (you at the barricades listen to THIS! no one is coming to help you to fiiiiiight you’re on your oooown you have no frieeeends <– literally the meanest lyric in all of musical theatre) was able to communicate to us that Red Square itself was now open, but the gates remained all around – except for in one roundabout area which we directed us to. A little more walking (we’re walking like 10 miles a day erma my po po feet)and we finally made it to what we came for.
Mixed up files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler
The Red Square is impressive, mostly because of St. Basil’s Cathedral, the famous onion domes you know. It’s a lot smaller than we expected, but super gorgeous. We went inside immediately, and it’s surprisingly not a big hall like most other churches but is made up of tiny chapels and little staircases and alleys connecting all these disparate parts. I didn’t care much for the inside, especially after being blown away by the inside of the Church on Spilled Blood in St. Petersburg, but it’s still St. Basil’s and so famous and important so go if you want. The outside is where it’s at though.
One entire side of the square is GUM, one is the State History Museum (which Husband went to when I needed a morning off from museuming which was the best decision maybe I ever made), one is Basil’s, and one is the walled off border of the Kremlin, plus Lenin’s Tomb. We wanted to go to Lenin’s Tomb right after Basilypuddy but for some reason it was closed off. The guard said just ‘closed today’ and open tomorrow. The Tomb has very specific, short hours – just 10-1pm – so we were upset that we would have to fit it in another day. Guess what. It took four days of trying before it was actually open. “Historical days”, “Graduation”, more “Graduation” – guards over the next three days had all kinds of excuses ready for us as to why it was closed when it wasn’t supposed to be. So frustrating. When we finally got in, on our very last day, it was an hour and a half wait! 90 minutes in line just to see an embalmed body?
Not Lenin’s tomb but at Lenin’s tomb
Weird stuff inside guys
Oh that’s right, Lenin is literally displayed in a glass case (of emotion) like it’s an open casket at a funeral. He looks like he just died. They are embalming the crap out of him. It’s sooo weird. I knew he was like mummified somehow but I didn’t expect it to just be like ‘here, it’s a body like normal, except dead for decades’. I made several emoji faces during our hurried walk around the glass case (the many guards usher you along quickly (also no pictures allowed of course, would be too weird)) and I think the guards were laughing at me. It was so weird. I wonder if this was Lenin’s wish or if it was decided after he died. I hope his ghost isn’t like freaking out over being a tourist attraction. So weird.
Guarding Moscow’s Eternal Flame outside the Kremlin. Strangely this is a popular place for newlyweds to take photos – and indeed we saw some doing just that!
Inside the Kremlin – Cathedral Square
Another day was dedicated entirely to the Kremlin. Okay guys, if you are planning to go to Moscow soon and visit the Kremlin – which you should if you are there – know that it is an absolute shitshow to get in. Well, first of all, we had to change our designated day for visiting that due to “Graduation” a few times too! Moscow was entirely a city of barricades and police activity, always unexplained to the populace. I think it’s just the goings on of a police state, like they are constantly reminding the citizenry that they don’t have free reign, that the police are the ones with power and have the control here. It really seemed that way to me. Everywhere we went, we encountered barricades and had to replan. It was really annoying and one of the top reasons I wouldn’t want to live in this city. It was a constant onslaught of police activity and being told you can’t do certain things.
Senate building (maybe)
Garden in Kremlin
So, when we finally got to go to the Kremlin – it requires a whole afternoon – we were relieved, before we realized what it took to get in. First, you wait in the longest line for the ticket hall. Guess what, the main tickets are sold at separate windows from extras like the Diamond Fund (the crown jewels, which you want to see), so once you go through the entire line, you have to get in another line to get the extra bit tickets. This happens a lot. Luckily, I went to scope out the inside situation when we were still a good 45 minutes away from being inside the ticket hall (who knows how long from a cashier) and I noticed almost-empty ticket machines in the corner. We of course used those for the main tickets and we saved a good hour. Why was no one using the machines! Crayballs. And someone said you could buy Diamond Fund tickets at the actual building inside, so we hoped they were right. Like most big attractions so far in Russia, once you wait in the line to buy your tickets, you have to wait in another line to get in the attraction. This one was even worse than the ticket line, not because of length but because of tour groups pushing and shoving. It was another absolute shitshow. Russian queues make British people turn to dust. They just push and crowd and have no regard for anyone who may have been there first. So we forgot everything we learned in London and pushed right back. We made it to the severely backed up metal detectors and noticed that most of them were going unused as people just went through the central ones, causing most of the backup. Peeeeopleeeee.
CANNONBALLLLL
Luckily, once you’re in, it’s fine, as long as you stick to the specified walking paths – the guards mean BUSINESS. Anyone who stepped off the path or crossed streets not at a designated crossing had loud whistles blown at them until they got back on the straight and narrow. There were constant whistles.
now that’s a cracked bell
Kremlin just means fortress, not government building, but Moscow’s famous government fortress has made the word stand for it as well. It’s a huge expanse of land behind those walls, with various Senate buildings, Congress halls, monuments of tanks and cannons…and like 8 cathedrals. It’s different to have most of your government grounds be cathedrals! But that’s what we’re here to see! Endless cathedrals! They were the things you can really go inside (of course you can’t go in like the Senate) so hooray for them.
We also were indeed able to buy tickets inside the actual Diamond Fund. These were some crown jewels, man. So beautiful. Of course no pictures allowed here either, but I distinctly remember my favorite thing besides the super giant diamonds. They had this brooch that was a bunch of flowers, made of diamonds and gold and jewels, that was so pretty. But the audioguide told us what made it even better – it was hollowed out inside so it could be filled with water and fresh flowers could be placed inside! I was cracking up. Can you imagine Catherine the Great wearing a flower brooch pinned to her dress that actually had water and fresh flowers inside?! I like to imagine that she bent over to pick something up and the water spilled out and some court man slipped on it.
Because you’ll be spending a lot of time here, it’s important to bring snacks. They have a few carts of various Russian foods like pireshok, I think, and I was able to grab a trail mix bag. But you can find better snacks on the outside. And bring plenty of water! It was a hot day. Actually every day so far has had moments of heat interspersed between mostly freezing temperatures and then incredibly strong rain storms. What is this weather.
outside Kremlin
Even though I’m already museumed out, it’s literally like the #3 thing we will be doing this trip besides seeing cathedrals and taking trains so I geared up for the Tretyakov gallery. They have a main building and a new annex that I thought sounded like it would be small but it was literally the biggest single exhibit I’ve ever seen. It was 20th century Russian art, charting every new movement that happened, and it took 3 hours to go through. When we were finally done, it let us out to a stairwell that led us into…another exhibit. JFC I was about to scream. It was worse than Caesar’s Palace for keeping you in and not letting you leave! I was in a Bunuel movie and I was NOT AMUSED. It was a decent gallery but come on that’s a lot of museuming.
On our walk to the gallery ahhh
On the way to it though, we found this huge fake ship statue of Peter the Great. This memorial is kind of hilarious and awesome. It’s so big! Its champion was the former disgraced mayor of Moscow so there are rumors that it will be removed but come on, you can’t get rid of this. It’s so fun.
One of the funniest things we did in Moscow was go to the Museum of Soviet Arcade Games! It’s a very happening hipster joint with tons of old arcade games from Soviet times. They are so sad you want to cry but it’s really adorable. They gave us English instructions and a bag of tokens and we tried to play them. Most were super glitchy and frustrating but it was so cool to try them out!
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Moscow also has some gorgeous metro stations. We walked mostly everywhere but Husband made a point to find the most beautiful ones. Our Russian teacher told us about them when she went between semesters. They were pretty cool!
The best part of Moscow was the Bolshoi Ballet, which I’ll write about in another post (theatre reviews! never stopping!) and a mostly vegan restaurant called Fresh that I’m obsessed with (food in another post too). Looking back, we did do a lot of fun things in Moscow, but it was all in this overwhelming sense of unease. It’s a city in a time of change, for sure, and it’s unclear what direction would be best for it (you don’t want that fancy center part to take over and price all the citizens out, but you also want it to grow financially). I definitely felt this unease and it prevented me from enjoying Moscow as much as I thought I would. Maybe it was all the police and barricades, maybe it was the city itself, maybe the hostel, maybe because I was surrounded by people eating ice cream and I couldn’t have any and it was so sad. I think some places you gel with and some you don’t, and that’s fine. Onto the next!
2 Comments
This blog was the most informative detailed blog
Looking forward going there ! Thank you Randi