'Onegin' at the Bolshoi Ballet: So Amazing I Want to be a Ballerina Just For Thisby Randi / January 25, 2018
After our lovely time in Volgograd, we had to return to Moscow in order to get into Eastern Europe (to Kyiv, Ukraine). If you look at a map (or the map above how bout), you’ll notice that it’s a sharp backwards turn to go Volgograd-Moscow-Kyiv (it’s the part of the map that is like an A) and kind of silly when Volgograd to Kyiv directly would save hours and hours and make a lot more sense. But guess what’s happening on that route? CRIMEA. Can’t go through there! Ever since the Russian Federation annexed Crimea (in March 2014), pro-Russian protests in the region escalated to armed conflict between the separatist forces and the Ukrainian government. Thousands of people are fighting still and it’s very dangerous. Russia is, as uzh, very cagey about everything bad it’s doing, and it deny its presence in the region almost as often as it confirms that ‘military specialists’ are there. Russia is real trouble and we didn’t want to reward its terribleness with more tourism money spent there, but we had no choice so back to Moscow we went.
WELLLLLCOMEEEEE WELCOME TO MOSKVA
It was a pretty long train considering how close Volgograd and Moscow look to each other when you’re looking at the rest of the freaking inordinately enormous country. But the overnight train still was about 18 hours! Faaaack this country is TOO BIG. We didn’t get to buy out the other beds in our cabin this time because it was WAY too expensive to do that, like incredibly so, much more than we would ever consider and more than it cost to do it at other points in our trip. We found out soon enough why buying out the cabin was prohibitively expensive: IT WAS THE NICEST TRAIN EVER! omg! Just like when we trained to Moscow the first time, so I guess only the nicest trains go into Moscow. Holy crap, you can’t even. I couldn’t even! It was so nice I almost cried. I guess when you are on a train route named #001 you can expect it to be special.
The seats/beds were a shiny, super clean red leather (assuming it was pleather), and everything was spotless. There was a very new TV over the window and we watched some SHIT that night! Like really really bad movies, the kinds whose rights are cheap enough to obtain for a Russian overnight train, that kind of bad. There were outlets by every bed, along with personal safes! Whaaaat! A meal was included in the ticket (nothing vegan but picked at the sides, but still, surprise free food!). There were toothbrush kits and slippers and WATER BOTTLES. It was heaven. Luckily, no one joined us in our cabin until the middle of the night. I mean not SO luckily considering we were already asleep but hey it’s better than having strangers around while we were hysterically laughing at the TV.
I CAN SEE RUSSIA FROM MY WINDOW
I can’t remember the name of one particular terrible movie we watched, but I do remember how I felt watching it, because Z took a picture of me hysterically crying. From laughing. It’s the most embarrassing picture of me ever so I am not going to share that with you but I will share the picture of the thing I was crying at:
Yeah it’s a baby in a slightly too big snowsuit, and I thought it was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, apparently, because I cry-laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe, and for a while too. Z was flabbergasted, he (like most humans I am sure) just could NOT understand what I found so funny. I don’t know it was just amazing! Maybe I was just delirious from being on an actually nice, clean train. No it’s just adorable too.
We arrived in Moscow the next morning pretty well rested, but not very clean. We needed to shower! Problem: We were only in the city until our next train that evening. We had only the day, so we did not book any lodging. Unfortunately, the train station we arrived in in Moscow did not have showers. So we found a nearby hostel, maybe 10 minutes walk away, and asked if we could pay to use the showers. We offered to pay the price of a dorm bed, which you’d think they would be happy to accept, right? The money for a bed but without actually losing the bed? Just ten minutes of water? It was SO difficult to get through what we actually wanted. JUST A SHOWER. THAT’S IT. No room, no bed. OH my god we waited by the front desk for AGES while the very young very notsmart employees discussed what on earth was happening. Luckily someone finally got it and agreed so we showered, one at a time, the other guarding our luggage in a hallway. It was super awkward but better than being dirty. Of course our towels then had to be packed up wet which is gross but we didn’t really need them anymore!
Finally clean, finally ready to explore Moscow once again…except we didn’t really have anything left on our list! We had seen all the museums and important buildings and sights and stuff a few months ago! I know, months – can you believe it? It was kind of like coming home after all the crazy world we had seen, albeit a home where you don’t feel safe sooo. Anyway, what should we do? First order of business? GUM. Of course! Remember that’s ‘goom’, not like the stuff you chew, but the most famous Russian department store in Red Square. It’s super fancy with all the luxury stores but they do have the best, cheapest ice cream (for Husband) and that’s the first thing he wanted. And I was eager to go to the main floor’s fancy grocery store and pick up a few fun ingredients to bring home (we were at the point in our trip when we could buy and lug around souvenirs!!). Unfortunately, a televised event was happening on the main floor that day, so the grocery and well nigh everything on the main floor was cordoned off except for fancy people with VIP badges. Mad face.
We watched the happenings from the second floor landings for a while, bemoaning the fact that our fancy store was being kept from us. Or vice versa, really. But it was all worth it when the f-ing Von Trapp family started singing Russian folk songs.
IT WAS THE BEST! So much fun! I would have joined them if I knew the folksongs and if it didn’t look so g-d embarrassing. I’m surprised Putin lets such gaiety occur in public places. This happened to be Rosh Hashanah (which OF COURSE I said all day was ‘Russia shana’ not that you could tell when speaking but hey now you know!) so I pretended it was for that. Merry New Year!
My next order of business (my only real plan for Moscow) was to return to Fresh, the vegetarian cafe, for lunch. I was SO pumped for a big fun salad! Fresh wasn’t as good as I remembered, or as I had built up in my mind; after three months in central Asia I guess the dream of these amazing vegan salads had gotten too big to be matched by any reality. Still good, still good!
We were really hungry and who knows when we would ever get back to Fresh or Moscow so we over-ordered as we do. We got this awesome salad with marinated tofu, sweet potato, goji berries and a seed and sprout mix, plus two burgers. I got the avocado burger which didn’t say anything about being one-sided bun-wise, but came without a top half. I was kind of mad but our waiter sucked so I didn’t say anything. Who leaves off the top bun? It’s not even open-faced just lacking. It tasted really great though. The cheese sauce was RG.
We also had the BBQ burger, which comes with garlic mayo, banana chilies, and best of all onion rings! On the burger! (And also a top half of the bun.) We also got a side order of onion rings because when do you ever seen vegan onion rings?
We also had a few juices and smoothies, which are fine at Fresh but nothing special. Way too expensive for the amount you get and not cold enough. But overall, it was a great lunch, the best in ages, and almost worth the time and money spent for this necessary backtracking.
Across the street from Fresh is a fancy little grocery store that has a TON of vegan milks. They also have a bakery case and I saw that they had a vegan cannoli in there!
As you can see, it says ‘raw vegan’ on the vegan desserts, including the cannoli. I was too excited in the prospect of an unexpected vegan dessert (and a cannoli at that!) that I momentarily lost my mind and forgot how disappointing raw desserts usually are. Ughhhhhh I mean it was fiiine but like, for a nut-and-date bar. I want to go to Philly, buy Vegan Treats cannolis (incredible), and go back to this shoppe and be like “I need to speak to the manager and the baker. Here, try these and learn from your terrible mistakes. Do not make them again. Also give me those cannolis back you only get a bite are you kidding me?”
After GUM and lunch were finished with, we honestly just walked around town all day! It was nice to not have to do anything in particular, although we felt a little weird not having a plan. And it was a lot colder than it was the last time we were in town! We had to wear all our clothes Joey-style.
We were gone so long it became fall! Moscow tries to butter you up with sights like this but then a foot away was a police barricade.
Well, we did have one thing on our list – buying souvenirs! Matryioshka, in particular – I had to get those Russian nesting dolls for everyone! This was indeed the best part of getting to return here, because this way we didn’t have to buy souvenirs at the start of our trip and carry them around for 3+ months! We did lots of location scouting, and there’s this tiny souvenir shoppe INSIDE a phone store right outside Red Square, and they have the cheapest matryioshka. There are tons of shoppes and tons of the dolls, but they are weirdly very expensive for how cheaply made they are. But they know everyone visiting Moscow wants them, I guess!
Could not fit this one into my bag but ohhh how much did I want to!!! You could fit inside this one! OMG YOU WOULD BE ONE OF THE NESTING DOLLS AHHH. (Don’t mind the closed eyes, it happens in 90% of my pictures)
I also bought hilarious chocolate that we found in a grocery store. Oh man it’s probably not that funny but we found it hilarious. It’s called ‘Plan B’ and I just love the idea of this getting confused with the abortion pill, oh my goodness. We picked the funniest one of the ones on display, because it was the funniest but also because it was accidentally vegan – the one with the picture of a working woman on it, and it’s TEQUILA flavored! like to think they really meant to hammer home that working women who drink alcohol, ESPECIALLY tequila, should not have children. I also like the one with the woman searching for answers in the fridge, like ‘hmm maybe I shouldn’t procreate.’ Oh man this cracked me up. I bought the entire shelf to give to friends. I haven’t actually tried it yet but I will report back.
I also got to enjoy my first ice cream of the entire summer! It was a Tutti Frutti (not sure if it was actually the same chain as we have all over the west or if Russia just was continuing its love of trademark infringement) do-it-yourself soft-serve kinda jawn and it was FRUIT SORBET so it doesn’t REALLY count, but still, it was a decent treat after months and months without ice cream. (Luckily, we were heading soon to the vegan ice cream capital of the world….)
I wanna say I got orange flavored and grape flavored sorbet swirls. I can say for certain that those are blueberries up top
So we had a pretty fun, really random single day in Moscow. It was fun to know our way around and remember things from the real visit, and to treat this day like non-tourists, just in it for food and shopping. It still had that weird vibe that I felt before, like it’s nice and all but we’re super being watched and/or controlled by state police. Moscow is a strange city to like because of all its political issues, but we do sort of strangely like it.
Bye, Red Square, it’s been real. (Real hard to get in because of the police barricades heyoooo)
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Another Three Days of Train: From Uzbekistan to Volgograd, Russia
Dear little baby laptop diary,
The day has arrived! We are finally leaving Uzbekistan! Who would have thought we would be so happy to return to Russia? We feel a little bit like traitors to our country (obviously not as much as our government heyooo) but we really loved Russia and the thought of soon returning to a more modern place is exciting! But first we have to get through this train journey, crossing two borders. First we will go back through Kazakhstan, around the north part of the Caspian Sea (maybe we will see Ursula!), and then into Russia to Volgograd, formerly Stalingrad. They changed the name from honoring the scary man to honoring the river! I like! What I don’t like is that this will be our second longest train journey of the entire epic adventure, and I believe our third longest ever. Two nights and parts of three different days! Ahhh! Luckily we bought the entire 4-person cabin so we can relax without scary strangers.
The day has arrived! We are finally leaving Uzbekistan! Who would have thought we would be so happy to return to Russia? We feel a little bit like traitors to our country (obviously not as much as our government heyooo) but we really loved Russia and the thought of soon returning to a more modern place is exciting! But first we have to get through this train journey, crossing two borders. First we will go back through Kazakhstan, around the north part of the Caspian Sea (maybe we will see Ursula!), and then into Russia to Volgograd, formerly Stalingrad. They changed the name from honoring the scary man to honoring the river! I like! What I don’t like is that this will be our second longest train journey of the entire epic adventure, and I believe our third longest ever. Two nights and parts of three different days! Ahhh! Luckily we bought the entire 4-person cabin so we can relax without scary strangers.
Or so we thought.
We boarded the train and made our way to our cabin, holding our four tickets for beds #5, 6, 7 and 8. Remember in China how we often had to kick someone out when they were in the wrong place? Well, gird your loins, because not only did we have to kick someone out again, we had to kick FOUR someones out. People were laying on every single one of the beds in the cabin we booked out. Are you FLIPPING kidding me. We got the conductor and explained that they were in our beds. He appeared to be mute. He went into the next few cabins and started counting spare beds, looking for spots where we could go. Hell no! I yelled out to him in Russian explaining that we bought all four beds you fat dink! Ahhh such bullshit! Finally it clicked for him and the four people moved into the next cabins. Like FFS why would you not go to the places you had tickets for? Why are PEOPLE?! Did they not have tickets in the first place, maybe? Why is everything such bullshit?
So this was quite the start to the next three days. Man alive. The toilets were disgusting, as expected. I am so pumped to get to Europe, I really can’t wait. I am counting the minutes…which isn’t very efficient because there are too many minutes so I guess I am counting the days. We have three left. Sure the third day is just a baby sized bit of it but what if we experience delays?! I have to be ready for that. Oh my god please don’t let there be delays. Remember our 11-hour delay from Urumqi to Kashgar? No don’t think about that. Think happy thoughts! Everyone who voted for Brexit should be forced to ride Uzbek trains for weeks so they can experience the unmatched joy that the mere thought of being in Europe will bring. (But they should get stranded in Uzbekistan FOREVER. Europe was too good for you asshats? THEN YOU DON’T GET TO GO.)
I cannot wait to eat lunch at Fresh in Moscow again! Big fancy salads! My favorite!
The mute conductor keeps making funny faces at us, which I don’t really understand, maybe he is trying to apologize for the trouble with the four lunatics who don’t know how to use trains? No that can’t be it. Maybe he is making fun of us. Cool game bro.
The mute conductor keeps making funny faces at us, which I don’t really understand, maybe he is trying to apologize for the trouble with the four lunatics who don’t know how to use trains? No that can’t be it. Maybe he is making fun of us. Cool game bro.
That first night, we went through Uzbek exit customs at 1:20am, which lasted until 3:30am. I REALLY don’t understand the need to have such long exit customs. It’s so unnecessary. Just make sure none of the people are criminals you don’t want to lose track of and then let us gooooo. I had to pee so badly! Remember, they lock the toilets during stops. Hoo boy. We got to the Kazakhstan entry point at 5am, which was an hour early, which you think sounds great but that just means we stay stopped at customs longer. Longer without a toilet! The guards loved asking us questions about our lives, which is so fun to do when you haven’t slept or peed in so long. We left the border at about 7am, back in our old friend Kazakhstan, and after we moved a few feet Z said to me: “Guess what – we are out of Uzbekistan!” and we embraced and cried tears of joy like the diplomats at the fucking end of “Argo”.
At this point, we hadn’t really slept more than an hour so we slept till about 11am. Then we made ramen for lunch with our little emergency stash that we could finally burn through (back to civilization means back to guaranteed food for me!), adding braised canned tofu from the Marigold brand, which was actually really good! This was my favorite meal in days!
At this point, we hadn’t really slept more than an hour so we slept till about 11am. Then we made ramen for lunch with our little emergency stash that we could finally burn through (back to civilization means back to guaranteed food for me!), adding braised canned tofu from the Marigold brand, which was actually really good! This was my favorite meal in days!
name one person who takes better food pictures
There is this little girl next door who keeps coming in and staring at us. She isn’t responding to our Russian shouts of ‘go away’ and ‘leave us alone’ and ‘why are you the worst’ and it’s really annoying. I bet you think that sounds adorable but she is a monster who literally keeps opening our door and coming into the room! No! Devil child! Devil child! And a man on the other side of us sits right up against the doorway so his legs are in the narrow hallway. It’s like he saw the news about how manspreading is a problem in the west and he was like, I can do that and then some! He stares too.
Oh man I have such a headache and I’m so nauseous why! I hope it’s not from my bulk pretzels from Nukus. Pretzels would never betray me right? Even ones that are out in uncovered bulk bins?
Oh man I have such a headache and I’m so nauseous why! I hope it’s not from my bulk pretzels from Nukus. Pretzels would never betray me right? Even ones that are out in uncovered bulk bins?
Speaking of bulk bins! In our cabin, up top where you are supposed to be able to store your luggage, there were plastic…I don’t know, bed pans??? And lots of them! What the heck was this nonsense! I’ll admit, part of me liked having these buckets of unknown origin – they might come in handy during our super long border crossing stops.
Okay so the conductor omg we saw him talking to someone! He is not mute! He just refuses to talk to us! What the hell man! Now we don’t know if he’s just being rude to us or if he is just frugal with his words. This is so f-ing weird.
The next car over is the restaurant car, so I went to explore. It was dire. There’s no menu; I asked the cook what they had and she said plov. That’s it, just plov. The cast of characters sitting among the booths looks the same as in our sleeping car, down to the old man at the far end wearing a smelly white tank top and not much else.
After an afternoon of reading, we crossed the Ural River – meaning we were officially (maybe? how does it work?) back in Europe! For the first time in almost three months, since we left Yekaterinburg! Omg! We did a little dance.
When we stopped at Atyrau, Kazakstan, it was 35 degrees out! That’s in Celsius, which I still don’t know well enough, so that’s 95 in Fahrenheit. We were baking in the sun through the window, and no wind was coming through (more like a wind-no am I right). I like saying Atyrau.
To celebrate our imminent return to Russia, we made kasha with the boiling water from the samovar, to mix with the jar of tomato sauce with mushrooms and beans, the jar we had been carrying since, well, since Yekaterinburg actually! So we had this emergency food jar keeping us company/adding pounds to the bags for literally all of Asia! That’s ridiculous. It was really good too!
To celebrate our imminent return to Russia, we made kasha with the boiling water from the samovar, to mix with the jar of tomato sauce with mushrooms and beans, the jar we had been carrying since, well, since Yekaterinburg actually! So we had this emergency food jar keeping us company/adding pounds to the bags for literally all of Asia! That’s ridiculous. It was really good too!
of course we had tomato ‘salad’ too, of course
I’m so nervous for the 4 ½ hour exit customs stop from Kazakhstan. Four and a half. WHY. Someone explain to me why that is necessary.
Oh I know why! It’s because every single guard on duty wanted to come into our cabin and ask us about America!! Every single one, I’m not joking, came in, sat down, and asked us what state we were from. They didn’t believe me that I was from Pennsylvania, because they didn’t believe that Pennsylvania was a real word. One kept saying ‘No…Washington D.C. or New York??” and I was like listen Joe, there are more places in the USA than D.C. and NYC. And Joe (not his name) would look confused and then repeat “Washington D.C. or New York!” and I would say Pennsylvania! And he would be like ughhhh that’s not what I mean! I mean what state are you from! I eventually pointed to where it says Pennsylvania in my passport and he actually got angry.
We were done with the border business in less than an hour, so this is just incredibly stupid to be waiting here for three extra hours. The train men are sleeping in their cabin. After almost two hours of that 4 ½ hour stop, I couldn’t take it anymore and I asked mute/nonmute conductor to open the toilet. He laughed and said ‘not for four hours’ and I was like, listen this is not funny, you lied to us about not being able to speak, so unless you want to talk about how I’m going to pee on the floor, you will open this.” He opened it and said ‘bistro bistro!’ which means fast, and I realized that no one else had used the bathroom in almost 2 ½ hours! What are people!!
I listened to music for the next two hours, not able to concentrate on reading when my brain is so anxious, and then I couldn’t wait again and went to the toilet and praise jebus, it was still open from the last time! The guards are outside having conversations over the loudspeakers. At first we thought it was kind of funny and we were imitating what we thought they were saying in a most hilarious skit, but now it’s annoying because this is an insane waste of time.
We finally left, we finally entered Russia, and we finally got to sleep. The next morning, we landed in Volgograd. We said goodbye to the possibly funny, possibly really mean and rude non-mute conductor. We were super smelly, exhausted, hot, thirsty, and so excited to be reunited with the motherland. We have a lot of trains left but none would be quite like the central Asian horrors of the past few months, so this might be the last entry I need to write in the baby laptop diary. I hope you enjoyed our time together.
Oh I know why! It’s because every single guard on duty wanted to come into our cabin and ask us about America!! Every single one, I’m not joking, came in, sat down, and asked us what state we were from. They didn’t believe me that I was from Pennsylvania, because they didn’t believe that Pennsylvania was a real word. One kept saying ‘No…Washington D.C. or New York??” and I was like listen Joe, there are more places in the USA than D.C. and NYC. And Joe (not his name) would look confused and then repeat “Washington D.C. or New York!” and I would say Pennsylvania! And he would be like ughhhh that’s not what I mean! I mean what state are you from! I eventually pointed to where it says Pennsylvania in my passport and he actually got angry.
We were done with the border business in less than an hour, so this is just incredibly stupid to be waiting here for three extra hours. The train men are sleeping in their cabin. After almost two hours of that 4 ½ hour stop, I couldn’t take it anymore and I asked mute/nonmute conductor to open the toilet. He laughed and said ‘not for four hours’ and I was like, listen this is not funny, you lied to us about not being able to speak, so unless you want to talk about how I’m going to pee on the floor, you will open this.” He opened it and said ‘bistro bistro!’ which means fast, and I realized that no one else had used the bathroom in almost 2 ½ hours! What are people!!
I listened to music for the next two hours, not able to concentrate on reading when my brain is so anxious, and then I couldn’t wait again and went to the toilet and praise jebus, it was still open from the last time! The guards are outside having conversations over the loudspeakers. At first we thought it was kind of funny and we were imitating what we thought they were saying in a most hilarious skit, but now it’s annoying because this is an insane waste of time.
We finally left, we finally entered Russia, and we finally got to sleep. The next morning, we landed in Volgograd. We said goodbye to the possibly funny, possibly really mean and rude non-mute conductor. We were super smelly, exhausted, hot, thirsty, and so excited to be reunited with the motherland. We have a lot of trains left but none would be quite like the central Asian horrors of the past few months, so this might be the last entry I need to write in the baby laptop diary. I hope you enjoyed our time together.
Turpan, China: Never Need a Reason, Never Need a Rhyme, Let’s All Call It Turpantine
Our next stop on our Silk Road journey was the city of Turpan (the English name) in the Xinjiang region of China. It’s also known as Turfan and Tulufan (in Uighur and Chinese) while I, on the other hand, refer to it as Turpan Alley, because it is a bit of a hole. Turpan was a fertile little oasis town back in the day, and today (and probably back then too) is known as “China’s Death Valley” because it’s one of the few places below sea level and also because IT’S DUCKING HOT AS BALLS. It’s so hot and sunny and dry that walking around the city would have been uncomfortable even if it wasn’t a bit of a hole. Apparently, the Chinese like to say that Turpan is farther from the ocean than any other place in the world, which I don’t doubt but that is a chitty thing to brag about. (I hate feeling landlocked! I love being near water! This trip is difficult for me.) The best part about Turpan (and Xinjiang) is that this climate grows some insane delicious watermelon.
Turpan was an important Silk Road stop because desert traders in desperate need of fresh water love them some temperatures hotter than at any other point in their desert struggles? is that why? Or maybe because of the watermelon. Actually, Turpan had an impressive system of irrigation that I’m sure increased its draw to caravan-peeps seeking water. They brought fresh water down from the snowy Tien Shan mountains, which is the name of the brand of bottled water that we found most in Xinjiang and then in Kyrgyzstan so hooray for longstanding traditions. Archaeological sites in the Turpan Depression (the fitting name for the whole region, although they mean because it’s so low in the earth and not because of what it does to you) uncovered important old stuff from many centuries ago that helped researchers understand the goings-on of traders and others passing through. In fact, Turpan was the site of important discoveries of certain specific goods. Silver coins were big here – in fact, the plethora of silver coins found here helped prove that China’s main trading partner along the Silk Route was not Rome, as many romantic history buffs (are there such a thing) would like to think, but the Iranian world, because zero coins from the Roman Republic were ever found anywhere in China. I knowww. Zilch. Anywhere. You’d think even once drunk on a dare a trader would try to go to Rome. But then I guess they wouldn’t return. Or they just didn’t have enough time in their lives to go there AND back. They were walking, people! Turpan was also big on burying their dead in paper outfits they made in craft sessions, I imagine, like an ancient version of stitch-and-bitch. A lot of boring but informative documents – contracts, meeting notes, whatever – were pieced together to make clothes for corpses. You might be thinking, no way no how corpses were preserved let alone regular old paper that could actually be read! But yeah, that’s how dry Turpan is, that lots of paper and lots of corpses were preserved with no effort on their part other than to Be In The Driest Hottest Land Ever. (We saw some of those corpses in the Urumqi Museum (coming next). I am very much done with such things.) Today, the important things to see include the Emin Minaret, which is impossible to find in the maze of little backstreets, and the ancient ruins of Jiaohe.
The big other draws in the city are the Bazaar and the Night Market – both of which were nowhere to be found during our visit! This is a good time to tell you about the Xinjiang region of China, an autonomous territory in northwest China where these Silk Road sites lie. Being all autonomous, Xinjiang has a separatist movement with its native Uighur people trying to become their own state (that’s what that means) of East Turkestan which is a cute name. China of course wants to quash that but good, and has been kind of sending Han Chinese people into Xinjiang to balance out the population – or dilute the local culture and traditions. It’s all very tense and uneasy. All the Chinese train stations had crazy security, but it’s enhanced beyond anything I’ve ever seen before in Xinjiang. Police are everywhere. In Turpan, there was a police building on every single block – I am not exaggerating – with at least 5 policemen patrolling outside. They say it’s because of terror threats from the local Uighur people, who are mostly Muslim and who look completely different from the Han Chinese. It seemed a little like a control method to keep them down. Throughout the region, we saw average Uighur locals stopped by police to have their phones examined, which is police state bullshit. They are definitely treated like second class citizens in their own land, which is like Indigenous People 101.
All of this to say, we think that maybe the Bazaar and the Night Market – two very crowded very public gatherings, the kind that are difficult to police in excruciating detail – were shut down due to ‘safety precautions’ but possibly as a way to continue curbing the goings on of the Uighurs and take away their traditions and culture. However, Turpan is one of the more Chinese-friendly of the Xinjiang cities; the officials are friendlier towards the locals and it’s more easygoing, if you can believe it with police on every inch of ground. (Kashgar, for instance, is considered more of a problem and the government is a lot more hostile there towards the Uighurs. (Kashgar, incidently, was my favorite part of Xinjiang, but we will get there.)) But then again, I haven’t been able to find anything about these events being permanently closed, so maybe we just happened to be there on a bad day. It sucks that we couldn’t find these two fun events, and I really hope that we just couldn’t find them, because it obviously would be much, much worse to be right that the Chinese government just up and decided to clamp down on the locals doing their thing.
Part of Jiaohe…sort of…we passed a little village on our walk from the visitor centre to the ruins that I think was a separate ticket but we just went in
This guy stands watch outside the Jiaohe ruins
So, let’s talk about what we actually did do. From Dunhuang, we had to drive two hours (inexpensive taxi that we had the Silk Road Yododo inn hire, which was annoyingly difficult but easier than it would have been to deal with getting one ourselves as we keep learning) to the Liuyuan Train Station to get a fast train to Turpan. The security at Liuyuan was our first real look at the Xinjiang craziness. There were dozens – dozens! – of police and security officials, and it was not a big station at all. They found our camping utensils – a magnetic set of a fork, spoon, and baby-sized knife – plus our Swiss Army knife, and were not pleased. You CANNOT get on trains in Xinjiang with anything weapony, including all sizes of knives and scissors. We learned this at this point. I think our foreign privilege gave us a pass and instead of confiscating them, security officials taped up all the knives so we can’t get into them (not without another knife, lol) but let us keep them, and they made us sign a book with our passport numbers given. I guess in case there was report of a crime committed with a tiny little camping knife, they would have our info.
View from the train station, outside the city center. This is as modern as it gets
The train to Turpan was only 4 hours, which is absolutely nothing to us now, and then we got a taxi to our hostel, called Dap Hostel – like giving dap? Hilarious. The hostel was a legit travelers’/backpackers’ land, with tons of dirty yoots smoking and drinking at all hours in an inner courtyard that all the rooms encircle so you have no choice but to listen and smell it all. I did not like this place. The staff was very stupid and the bathrooms were gross. There was one trench sink, like 4 feet long, with one drain and three faucets and everyone would stand cramped together to brush their teeth and spit together and it was harrowing. The service was bad. Z asked for a coffee one morning (they have a chalkboard coffee menu at reception) and one girl said okay. No one brought any coffee. We asked a different girl. She said okay. No coffee. We asked a third. Then we asked the original girl and she said ‘you didn’t get it?’ It took over a half hour for someone to pour Z a cup of coffee from an already made pot. Then we asked if they could call a taxi for us on our last morning to the train station. Two staff members spoke in Chinese to each other for 10 minutes before turning to us and saying, “There’s a bus that goes.” Thank you. You’ve been helpful. If we wanted to take the bus, we would take the bus. And actually, it’s not a direct bus, you have to switch buses, which is bullshit to do when a taxi would be cheap and easier, and also, you are a travelers’ hostel you should know how to call a taxi when it’s the main way of getting around your city.
Who knows if Turpan ever stood a chance with me, because if I hate where I’m sleeping, it’s hard for me to loosen up enough to accept anything. As for the aforementioned sights that actually did exist, let’s start with the Emin Minaret. We walked around the dusty heat of small residential streets trying to find the mosque for almost an hour, and it was supremely difficult. There are few signs, and they are incomplete, leaving you in view of the minaret but with no evident way of actually reaching it. We both said we’d never been so close to a destination – seemingly so close you could touch it – and yet so far – seeing no clear way of actually reaching it. In the end, we had to ask three different random people in the area how to navigate the maze of their homes. One teenager on a bike, one ancient woman on her front stoop, and one shepherd who was, well, herding some sheep. We finally found the back entrance of the complex once we had finished all our water and we quickly bought up some bottles of clear liquid from a chest on the site. We assumed it was cold water. It was cream soda. (Say it with me: FFS CHINA!)
The Emin Minaret stands tall as the defining monument in central Turpan, blending Uighur architecture and history with Islamic traditions. It’s made of wood and brick and is pretty cool considering how it looks nothing like China. There are very few Muslim buildings in China, almost all of which are in Xinjiang, so it’s rare and interesting to see the mixture of Chinese and Islamic art or architecture. A guard let us look inside the basic mosque and we just walked around for a little. There’s a toilet, so that’s good.
screaming from the minaretssss
Now onto the Jiaohe ruins
The big thing to see when in Turpan is the Jiaohe Ruins, about 10 kilometers outside the city. We shared a taxi with a rando from the hostel and usually they charge a flat rate to Jiaohe but this driver just used the meter and it was cheaper so score. Jiaohe is an archaeological site and used to be an important place along the Silk Road, including at one time being the seat of the Protector General of the Western Regions, which is the highest ranking military post of Chinese officials stationed in the west. Jiaohe was a city full of residential districts, temples, stupas, and of course government offices. All the ruins now look the same since it is, in fact, in ruins, and the site is a vast expanse of white dusty broken rocks. Walking around the ruins for hours was the hottest I have ever felt, well, until later in our trip. Our skin was melting. The sun was like a few inches above my head, it seemed. As the cherry on top of this sundae of discomfort and frustration, the toilet on the grounds was padlocked and there are no staff members anywhere near the actual ruins, only at the visitor centre and ticket office which is 3 kilometers down the road. I know. Say it with me.
*shakes fist at an entire country over this*
When we bought tickets at said visitor centre, they didn’t tell us that everyone should take the shuttle bus around that costs 30 yuan extra. We were like, we can walk, we don’t need to pay for the extra bus. The woman selling tickets should have said, well actually everyone takes the bus it is dumb not to. ACTUALLY, they should just add the cost of the bus to the ticket price and be done with being stupid, because there are no signs on the road for how the F to get there. So we were on this deserted winding road like, where do we actually go? We walked down where we saw shuttle buses going and it was three kilometers away in the sun and heat and oh my goddd. For the biggest site in the area, not having any signage is pretty ridiculous. Ugh but why would they ever have signs for pedestrians at any site, right? We already learned this! Anyway, we finally found it, and it was hot. It was fine, for an archaelogical site, but without enough descriptive signs (not just not in English, but like, none) it was hard to care.
The best part of walking, though, was some fortuitous happenings at the end of our visit. On the walk back, we were so hot and so dehydrated that we were really craving some of that famous watermelon. Across from the exit/entrance to return to the visitor center was this lovely little path covered with a trellis with what looked like a restaurant underneath. An old Uighur couple was sitting on carpets on the floor, and we peeked in and saw some watermelons under a big table. So we went up and pointed and communicated that we would like some watermelon. The lady was super friendly and picked a giant one up and weighed it and then was just going to sell us a whole damn watermelon, and we were like no no we want to eat it now, like sitting here, and also we don’t have knives they taped up our knives and she understood and took it in the back to cut up and motioned for us to sit at the table. And then we realized, oh shit, she’s gonna bring us like an ENTIRE watermelon cut up and not just a few pieces like we want. Lo and behold, a few minutes later she came out with a silver platter stacked with an entire sliced watermelon, plus several bunches of grapes. I’ve been talking a lot about how good the watermelon is, but Turpan is actually famous throughout China and the stans for having incredible grapes and thus incredible raisins. I know, raisins, they’re the worst, but no the raisins in Turpan are delicious, as are the grapes, and here we were being given soo many grapes! It was so lovely and kind. We were cracking up at how much watermelon we were housing. It was probably the best watermelon I’ve ever had. And the grapes were amazing. Everything was. When we really could not force any more into our bodies, the lady took the platter away and then came back with all the rest of the watermelon AND the grapes packed in a plastic bag for us to take away. NICEST PEOPLE IN ALL OF CHINA! We stood up and went over to them to pay and they both waved our wallets away and shook their heads. We were like what, come on, are you kidding me? And they would not accept any money. We felt really bad – we ate your fruit guys! – but they really were vehemently against us paying. It was the nicest encounter in all of China. Probably this entire summer actually.
best ever
Aside from that lovely experience, it was hard to find food in Turpan. And not just for me finding vegan food! Just finding food, period! Like for Z too! One night we lucked out and finally found this great Han Chinese restaurant with a picture menu that had tofu and vegetables and ALSO had purple velour booths with the chintziest chandeliers you’ve ever seen. It was inexpensive and really good food but it took way too long for it to arrive. The homestyle tofu was great. We also finally got to try the weird jelly noodle dish that’s all over China. It’s a weird texture but it was done well here – SO incredibly spicy! And hooray for veggies! The waitress also recommended that we get these crunchy fried tomato sticks and we were like, wow sure that sounds really interesting! Too interesting – she meant potato. Lol. They were actually good, like french fries but with a little bit of a sweet exterior too, but we would probably not have gotten them if we knew they were potatoes! Fried tomato sticks sound good, right? Or gross? Make them and let me know.
So I have no idea what this restaurant was called, I’m sorry, but if you go to Turpan and ask the people where you are staying about the purple velvet booths I bet they know it. We had enough leftovers to eat for lunch the next day (no one stole them from the hostel fridge!). It seems I forgot to take a pic of the potato sticks, oh no, but just imagine fries with like, seeds?
yes the couch is studded with huge faux diamonds
HELLO LOVER
spicy weird jelly
tofu in China, I mean, does it get better
We should have returned there the next night, but instead we tried to find John’s Information Cafe in the backyard of the Turpan Hotel which according to our guidebook was a great place for backpackers with decent food. John’s no longer exists. In its place, literally in the backyard of this hotel, is a kebab grilling joint where you point to kebabs and they grill them so everything tastes the same and you reek of smoke for days. It was not my favorite place. I pointed to sticks of vegetables and what they said was tofu/doufu but it did not have the texture of anything resembling tofu so I didn’t trust it and couldn’t eat it. The texture was just so wrong. Shame.
The best part of Turpan, aside from the watermelon couple, was the bread babushka in the alley outside our hostel. She had a stand with the BEST breads I’ve had since my St. Petersburg babushka. Unfortunately, she wasn’t out the day we left. Shame. Also I forgot to take a picture of her cart. Shame. Here is a picture of the rival bread man across the alley from her and much inferior.
this guy said his dumpling-y things were vegetarian. they were not.
So, Turpan Alley. That’s really all I have to say about that. Some interesting sights but I didn’t learn as much about the Silk Road as I did in Dunhuang or our later Silk Road sites (or as much I learned about Turpan from my books, which like…come on you should learn more at the actual site right! Otherwise people will never leave their couches! Ohh…couch…I miss you…). There are so many incredible places in China, lots we saw and lots we have still on our list, that I think this is really for Silk Road aficionados and not novices like me. I can recommend street bread and eating all the watermelon and grapes. Shout out to our watermelon friends.
