Once On This Island on Broadway: There is an Island…And It’s Pure Magicby Randi / November 30, 2017
The ancient city of Bukhara, thought to be founded in the 6th century B.C., is like a small outdoor museum of its history. Important as a stop on the Silk Road and as a trading and cultural center before that biz ever started (so old), Bukhara’s city center is listed as a UNESCO world heritage site. The whole city center. I think you can guess by that fact that Bukhara is not exactly the most modern place to visit. So in the previous post, about Tashkent, I mentioned how our next stop of Bukhara was like stepping back in time like whoa, and I realized afterward that I was thinking about Khiva, one of our subsequent and much more impressive stops, when I said that. Still, Bukhara is hella ancient too, and I don’t think the center has changed in a long time, except for the tiny shops getting new kinds of soda and stuff. Full of mosques and madrassahs, dust and ashes, Bukhara seems to have preserved history. remarkably well. But with that comes, well, a bit of a hard time for tourists. Despite recognizing how important this place and its history were, we were kind of over it really fast.
But first we have to get there. Our train from Tashkent, our first Uzbek train, seemed promising – another overnight train where we had a cabin to ourselves, no strangers sleeping and snoring above us – except for its super early arrival time of about 6am. As long as we got some sleep we’d be fine, and without strangers in the cabin we’d surely get some sleep, right. Wrong, so so wrong. The couple in the cabin next to us were the loudest, rudest people of all time OF ALL TIME. The Uzbek trains were a little Miss Havisham looking in their old-fashioned decor, but they went all in on one piece of modernity – televisions in every cabin! Cool! We didn’t watch anything since we wanted to sleep, but the people next to us REALLY did. They put theirs on and found the most annoying Uzbek MTV sounding channel, and turned the volume up all the way, as high as it went. I knocked after a bit and asked if they could turn it down. They said okay. LIARRRRRRRS! They kept it as loud as possible, but they added to it their RAUCOUS loud insanely obnoxious laughter, which the thin walls did nothing to keep out. It was enough to (almost) put me off TV entirely, and you know how much I love TV. I mean there’s no way in hell that anything on Uzbek television was remotely as funny as they found it so like they were surely overacting to make us mad. They are helldaemons that I hope are back there. I tried to find a conductor or any kind of attendant to complain to but none were to be found. I knocked again at like 3am to ask if they could finally for the love of god just shut up but they didn’t open their door and instead just laughed harder and harder. It was incredibly rude. We started screaming through the walls out of pure despair, which they thought was hilarious. Those fuckers I hope karma gets them.
hard to see in the dark but this is where we spent 7 hours screaming at neighbors
When we finally landed, I put a pox on the houses of the neighbors and we went to find, egads, another taxi to take us to the guest house. By this point in our travels, we’d had maybe one good experience with a taxi. Not even good, but neutral. The rest were enough to provoke such rage that I probably could have picked up and thrown a taxi. This ride would be no different, and in fact with top the charts of forking shirtballs. The driver said he knew our guest house well, the Hotel Jeyran, and he kept saying “Jeyran Jeyran da Jeyran” so we were like okay at least he knows where he’s going. OF COURSE HE DIDN’T KNOW WHERE HE WAS GOING. We had to direct him like we did the others. FFS he didn’t even know when we would name huge landmarks to head towards. When we finally got to Jeyran, he had the nerve to ask for more money than we agreed to, despite his not being able to find the place on his own and lying about it. We told him to go fork himself.
Despite being called a hotel, the guest house we were staying in was more like someone’s house, with an extra room or two upstairs. It was fine, the couple running things/living there was nice, but alas, we arrived at 7am and check in wasn’t until noon. We sat in the front room for a while, while the guy watched his stories on his TV, as we just tried to decompress from the horrible night and horrible cab ride. Luckily, a tiny little baby cat lived there, and despite being allergic, I played with him because omg, tiny little baby cat. He was sooo cute and he just wanted to sleep on us.
After about an hour of just sitting, we decided to go explore and try to find a cafe with wifi. The man in charge pointed us in one direction, and when we found what he meant, it was an enormous restaurant, and it wasn’t opened yet. We continued walking around the newer town, where we were staying, and found nothing, literally nothing, not even a shop, so we went into the old town, the tourist area with all the mosques and dust and stuff. What we found was not cafes or wifi (what were we THINKING, expecting that here) but, naturally, more construction! And the kind of sweeping, all-encompassing works that put the construction we encountered previously in the ‘stans to shame. SHAAAME. We had to walk around rubble, delicately choosing our routes so as not to fall from like 10 feet into more rubble. It was not so good. All the places that looked even a tad like they might not be mosques or madrassahs were closed. Forget wifi, we’d given up on wifi; we just wanted somewhere to sit maybe that had something to drink or eat. We weren’t picky. Just something that wasn’t a pile of dust and rock. On one particularly construction-y section of the old town, we saw a tea house located up a set of stone stairs, and a little girl out on the path in front. We yelled up to her asking if they were open, and she ran inside. Cool, we thought. Luckily she had gone to get an adult (smart kid!) who came out and told us to come in come in please come in! We asked, are you open? And she said yes yes come in. They were not even a little bit open, we realized when we went in, but she was willing to make us tea (it was a tea house) and give us the little sweets that come with it, so it was really nice. Literally the nicest person we would meet in all of Uzbekistan. I had ginger tea to try to settle my stomach, which always hurts if I don’t sleep, and they brought us little dishes of nuts, halva-like treats, nutty other treats, and a pile of pure sugar rock candy. What a breakfast. It was really nice inside this place, and is probably wonderful after a day of sightseeing.
After our tea stint, we got a feel for the town as we meandered back towards the guesthouse. It was weird. Everywhere we turned, it kind of looked like Mars, or x other unknown, dusty dry sunny planet. As the place started to wake up, there were hordes of old ladies working like a prison chain gang all over town. It was really disturbing and I really hope they weren’t actually prisoners but it really looked like it. These old lady gangs were everywhere, hoeing little patches of garden and what not. I wanted to ask them if they were okay but a) I didn’t know how and b) they looked like they would happily cut a bitch.
The weirdest thing we’d noticed throughout the stans was continued in strong form in Bukhara – the constant ground watering. Every day for the past month, we’d see people watering the ground – not soil, just the street and cement and brick paths – with hoses or watering cans. Not something you see in England every day. I assume it’s to prevent too much dust buildup or it has to do with the heat, both good reasons, but it’s still quite odd to see someone watering asphalt when you were taught that shit only grows when you water soft ground. Anyway.
After we finally checked in and showered, I want to say we napped, but I don’t remember (probably because I was sleeping whaaat) and it doesn’t really matter what we did on which day (we were there for several, and too many) so let’s just get to the sights. We started (or not! who cares!) with the Ark of Bukhara, or the Bukhara Fortress, mostly because it’s the most important site to actually go into, but also because it was closest to the guest house by being situated kind of halfway to the old town center and not in it like everything else was. Side note, probably best to stay in the actual old town so you don’t have to walk the creepy streets at night. And so you’re near stuff. We were not near stuff.
ninj ninj who dat ninj, who dat who dat who dat ninj
The Ark dates back to the 5th century AD. How this city survived for so long without one I’ll never understand! It was a military structure at times, and a whole town with royal courts inside at others. According to a legend, the ark’s creator was the hero Siyavusha, who fell in love with a girl and the girl’s father was like, “I’ll let you marry her if you build a palace on this piece of land that is bounded by bullskin.” He meant that as a way to stymie the boy since it sounds impossible but the boy was like, how bout I just cut the bullskin (and we cut the bullshit HEYOOO) into thin strips and connect them instead of doing what I hope you’re not implying, which is to build a palace inside a regular-shaped skin of bull. I don’t know it all sounds ridonk. Needless to say, the Ark as it stands is hella big and I don’t doubt that every aspect of a functioning medieval town could fit inside the walls for a bit. Honestly I can see everything in modern day Bukhara fitting inside this fortress were it not full of museums right now.
improvement works going on even inside our places of interest
Inside the Ark, we ran into our first tourists in a long time – lots of French oldies 98s. French people were all over Uzbekistan, we’d find later. These guys were kind of annoying. I don’t remember why, but I’m looking at my phone notes, and I wrote “annoying French people”, so, let’s leave it at that. On site, there was a toilet, as you would hope to find in museums and the like, but this total random man charged 1000 som to use it! He didn’t seem to legitimately work there at all, and when I left the toilet, he was nowhere to be found, so like I think it was a scam. But that is I think like a few cents so it wasn’t a big deal it was the principle of the thing. Everywhere in Bukhara, we quickly learned, there would be random people outside the big sites asking for an entrance fee that wasn’t posted anywhere. It never seemed any more legit than it did at the Ark toilet. As soon as we approached a door of a mosque or something, someone would run up to us from nowhere and demand 6000 som or something and we’d be like, hey who are you.
Can you tell how blindingly sunny it was here? I was so burnt I hated it
rubble literally everywhere we turned even on the Ark
The square around the Ark is called the Registan. It’s where the public floggings would occur! The big story around Bukhara is that of two British officers named Stoddart and Connelly who were beheaded in the Registan in the 1850s. Colonel Stoddart was sent to Bukhara in 1939 to make nice with the legendarily cruel emir, Nasrullah. Instead of becoming friends with him, Nasrullah imprisoned the Englishman instead. Didn’t see that coming! No everyone did. Stoddart was in solitary confinement for three years, until another Englishman joined him! Fun! Not fun. Captain Connolly was sent to get Stoddart released. Great plan guys! Instead the emir tossed Connolly into the ‘bug pit’ with Stoddart and then publicly executed them to publicly shame England. What a guy and what a place.
After we saw everything in the Ark, we made our way fully into the old town, to see all the mosques and stuff because Mohammed knows we haven’t seen enough mosques lately. The most important, I want to say so I’m saying it, is the Kalan Mosque, from 1500s. It can hold 12,000 PEOPLE. That is a lot. Not even a drop in the bucket compared to the Penn State football stadium, but still, a lot for a mosque built so long ago. Unfortunately, we were not two of those 12,000 because when we went to enter, a rando sauntered up and said the entrance fee was 6 (SIX) times what it said in our guidebook and on the internet, clearly a scammy sammy, so we skipped it. Fortunately, this was one where the outside was impressive so we weren’t upset. We went in so many mosques lately and the rest of our time in Uzbekistan would be mainly seeing more mosques so no tears. The mosque sits across the main square from the Mir-i Arab Madrassah, so it makes for a really impressive, historically important square, though hard to remember which witch is which. At the risk of being even more disrespectful to the Uzbek people, I’m going to admit that I’m not hundo p about these pictures actually being what I’m saying they are, but I’ma do my best.
I want to say this is the madrassah
The whole mosque complex in the town center was like one enormous building, all seemingly connected and hard to distinguish. There are sooo many important buildings to see that after a while it’s like okay, didn’t I already see you, enormous sandy white building with some pretty blue tiles?
One I was excited about was the Kalyan Minaret, or the Grand Minaret, or the Tower of Death. No I didn’t know that last name when I was excited about visiting it; I just wanted to climb a tower. We like climbing things. The Tower of Death apparently got its name because criminals would be executed by being thrown from the top. So economical? Minarets’ usual function is for the muezzin to climb up in order to call err’one to prayer, so it had to big a bit taller than the mosque everyone’s going to. But the Kalyan Minaret passed the mosque and then was like you know what, I’m gonna keep on trucking, and it kept going up and up so now it’s the second tallest in all of Central Asia. We read quite a few things about how the architects of this or that monument were killed (never be an architect) because the rulers who commissioned the buildings didn’t want the architect to ever make anything more impressive. People cray. Anyway I have a vague memory of the minaret’s architect being thrown off because the wife of something important got him in trouble.
I want to say this is the mosque
The Kaylan is so impressive that it’s said that during all his conquering, Genghis Khan (my ole pal Chingis!) left it standing instead of destroying it!
Once it got to be an actually human hour of the day, the city center got a little crowded! Other people here, who would have thought. Oh we learned another story about the minaret! A young woman was to be executed after she married a local businessman. Unclear if the reason for her execution was related to the marriage. Anyway her last request was that she be allowed to wear the dress her husband bought her for her wedding day. So the official went to her house to get the dress but he a man he didn’t know what dress so he brought all forty dresses she owned. The woman put all forty dresses on instead of choosing the one, and they cushioned her fall and she lived! What an amazing place to get to keep living in. Because of that, now it’s a Bukharan tradition that all men give their brides 40 new dresses as a wedding present. And that’s why I have so many dresses!
We made our way to the base of the minaret to climb it but alas, the door was padlocked shut. On to the next!
other people! eureka!
Next we visited the Chor Minor, which is to the east of the city center so not one of the most visited sites. Built in 1807, the small lil guy was the entrance to a madrassah. A proverb says that if someone can climb up the stairs of the Chor and then back down without getting bitten by snakes, he is considered sinless. Really there aren’t snakes around (I mean I didn’t see any…) so I guess we’re all sinless? The Chor Minor has four blue turret domes that are pretty cool.
My favorite part of Bukhara by far is Labi Hauz, which is roughly pronounced ‘lobby house’ which is what we called it. And we called all the males around it lobby boys. Back in the day, Bukhara was covered with little pools and ponds used for laundry and washing horses and drinking water and all kinds of stuff so obviously they were full of disease like whoa and the Bolsheviks finally were like ‘shut this all down SHUT IT DOWN’ and drained the pools because hella disease except for the Lobby House, because so pretty, and it’s been maintained ever since, the only one still full of water and no disease.
GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY LOBBY BOY
You can see why it was my favorite. It was like an oasis in the middle of all the dust. I love water and this pool looked so gorgeous surrounded by the old buildings and camel statues. Of course there was construction happening at one end though. There was a cafe or two along one side that would have been perfect for sitting and relaxing if you needed it. I would have loved more like that around the pool instead of most of it being tout shops.
My second favorite place in Bukhara was the old synagogue! It’s a tiny little place, not only smaller than all the synagogues I’ve seen in my life but smaller than all my past studio apartments too. But apparently one of the Torahs it holds is 1000 years old! Mostly it’s nice just to know that there are still jews trying to maintain a presence here and because there are so few they are sooo happy to have guests. Naturally being old religious men, the guys there were more excited for my husband’s arrival than mine because men > women in 99% of the world, even though he’s not jewish, but alas, it was still very nice. It’s free to visit but they ask for donations and you should donate. The best part was the picture they had framed on the wall of their most important visitor before us – Hillary Clinton. Oh man I actually started to cry right there, thinking about a) how I was standing in spot where Hillary and like NOBODY else in the world had stood, this tiny little hole in the wall synagogue in a tiny old town in Uzbekistan I mean come on we’re basically bff Hillz, and b) I was just so sad that she wasn’t president.
After we simintoved and mazel toved it up, we explored the city center more. Just a few meters from the main mosque, where we were just hours before, a wifi cafe had sprung up out of absolutely nowhere. We spent sooo long looking for you all our first morning, damn cafe! And now you’re just advertising your wifiness all over town! It just appeared out of nowhere like Brigadoon! Also appearing out of nowhere in that main area was a Kapitalbank ATM that spits out US dollars!! Amazing!! And, next to the ATM was a gorgeous little courtyard with 1000 som toilets in the back that actually were worth it, not squats but big and clean! It was a lovely little surprise block of happiness.
to be fair, this makes it sound like there’s NO wifi. free from wifi.
my favorite sign!
We haven’t even scratched the surface of historical sights in Bukhara but I’m getting tired. Here are some more beautiful buildings that are important to go look at.
madrassah?
M. C. Escher mausoleum?
Doesn’t it look like Tatooine??!! It really did!
So many cool things right? Just for some reason it didn’t really add up so that the sum of the parts were greater than the whole, know what I’m saying? Lots of interesting buildings to look at, but like, that’s it. There was a lack of life to the place to it fun to be there and not just interesting to look at.
There was a lack of gas too! Like, the entire town, old and ‘new’ parts, had a gas outage while we were there so the restaurants could only grill food for us! And there was little hot water because of it. Such a weird sad thing to add on top of all the other weirdness. Luckily some of the places could make me salads, which I always liked. And Bukhara seemed to have beans on hand, which is nice. I can recommend finding salads at Minzifa – which was playing the X-FILES THEME SONG when we were there, and Saroy, both right along the Lobby House. Most of the other central restaurants will happily offer you grilled eggplant and red peppers, which you KNOW I LOVE. eye roll. I also got a heap of white rice with a happy face, see below.
vegables!
BEANS
So Bukhara had some great sights and I was super happy to have beans and salads but mostly it was kind of boring. The people we met in the restaurants and sites were kind of mean and put us off the place. The people are really what make places special when you travel so to be surrounded by mean people as the majority for the first time really ever was disconcerting enough to tarnish our Uzbek travels somewhat. Still, I’m glad we got to go to this historically important place and I’m glad I don’t have to go back.
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Zhangye Danxia, China: The “One Beautiful Place in West of China”
When we were planning our almost-month-and-a-half in China, I chose a few places I wanted to go and added them to our ever-growing list of possibilities: Huangshan which we did and which failed us miserably; the rice terraces outside Yangshuo; and Danxia, the incredible colorful geopark at Zhangye. Unfortunately, we didn’t have time to fit the latter two into our schedule given the train times and buses and how far they were from other things we were doing. That’s okay, there was so much to see in this country and I wasn’t tooo disappointed at not being able to fit in a visit to the natural beauty of the mountainous rock formations that somehow made insane colors of rock that will blow your mind. Okay, I was a little disappointed.
Which is why I was SO SUPER PUMPED when the company that booked all of our China train tickets made a last minute suggestion to our itinerary that would make me sublimely happy. We planned all the routes we wanted and our whole schedule (okay Z did) but we (very wisely) hired a Chinese company called China DIY Travel to book the actual tickets. (Have you looked at the ticket booking websites?? THEY ARE IN CHINESE. Have you spoken to an agent at a train station ticket office? They do not speak English and they do NOT try to work with you to communicate. Hire this company if you are going.) Helen, the representative at China DIY who assisted us the whole time, was amazing and I love her. I mostly love her because the week before we were to leave Xi’an for Dunhuang, she sent us an email that said she had been looking at our itinerary and saw that we were just doing a 24-hour sleeper train from Xi’an to Dunhuang, which sounds dire. She said “I have a crazy idea” that we should take a newly launched bullet train (so fast, nicer, kind of like Amtrak?) from Xi’an to a little town called Zhangye that would take less than 7 hours, in order to stop at Zhangye and hire a taxi to drive us an hour and a half to DANXIAAAAAA THE ROCK FORMATION GEOPARK AHHHH YESSS HELEN YOU’RE AMAZING. Then we could have from about 3pm to midnight to get to the park and see the park (plenty of time!) and then return to Zhangye station for a midnight sleeper train that would get us to Dunhuang at 7am. So that would make it 14 hours on two broken up trains instead of 24 on one long one, AND in between we get to see the big f-ing thing I wanted to see so badly! It was a no-brainer. We responded to Helen and said YASSS QUEEN and her response had us crying hysterically we were laughing so hard. Get this: She responded all excited and ended her email of our new instructions with the sentence “I really hope you can have one beautiful place to visit in West of China.” AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Meaning all the many things we are seeing in the rest of western China are not so much to look at (but it has a great personality?) which I pretty much agree with her about. Z insists that she didn’t intend her words to come out that way and just meant ‘a’ beautiful place in western China, not ‘the only’, but that’s the way I want to take it and you can’t take that away from me. Anyway all this to say, WE WENT TO DANXIA AND IT WAS JUST AS BEAUTIFUL AS THE PICTURES WHEN YOU GOOGLE!
Okay…maybe not AS beautiful or as shockingly colorful as those — because most of the pictures online are photoshopped to increase the color saturation to really make it look even crazier than it is. But the real stuff doesn’t need photoshop! I was prepared to see a much duller (not boring dull, but in terms of color talk) landscape than I saw online and I was fine with that. But it was still so spectacular! I was so impressed and wowed by the color streaks and brightness of this natural phenomenon. So, we did not do any photoshopping (do I ever edit my pictures? lol no way takes too long), but we took every single picture three times – once in normal mode, once in ‘sunset’ mode, and once in ‘expressive color’ mode. Here is the same shot in each of those modes, in that order of normal/sunset/color (/sugar/butter/flour). Erma P I’m gonna do my first slideshow! Dance emoji dance emoji!
So you can see how much variation can exist in photos. You probably are thinking, well that color mode one, that looks a bit like you’re being just as bad as the photoshopping fakers abounding on the internet. But actually, that mode best represents what it really looked like in person! THIS IS TRUTH. The normal mode is sooo lackluster and drab and it’s really not accurate. CAMERA LIES. So I’m going to switch around which versions of the pictures I share depending on what best represents how it really looked in person. Twas amaze.
Before we share all the pictures (we took hundos, each), let’s backtrack and share every detail of my day like I do.
We landed in Zhangye and immediately tried to find food. Outside the train station – Zhangye West, the newer one – is a ring of small restaurants with no menus and no English and just a few tables and like a guy you try to talk to. We went in one that had pictures on the walls and people were smoking so we left. We went in another and they had a No Smoking sign. WE WERE STAYING FOREVER.
We landed in Zhangye and immediately tried to find food. Outside the train station – Zhangye West, the newer one – is a ring of small restaurants with no menus and no English and just a few tables and like a guy you try to talk to. We went in one that had pictures on the walls and people were smoking so we left. We went in another and they had a No Smoking sign. WE WERE STAYING FOREVER.
The man working there was incredibly helpful despite not knowing any English. We used our phones to communicate that I wanted him to give me all the tofu and all the vegetables they had and I tried to get it to say “You probably think I just mean I want a lot of tofu and vegetables, but what I said was, give me ALL the tofu and all the vegetables you have” but that didn’t work. The guy asked if spicy was okay and if we wanted noodles and we were like yes and sure? and he made me one of the best meals I had in all of China I’m not even kidding. It was a giant bowl of super spicy chili oiled broth with tofu and broccoli and leafy greens and deliciousness and then, like he read my mind, a SEPARATE bowl of noodles so I could just take the amount I wanted. It was SO GOOD. And so spicy. BUT SO GOOD.
Here is the outside so if you find yourself in Zhangye you go to the nicest man’s shop and not the gross other ones.
Super full, we then we like, okay now onto Danxia. But…it was THE WORST WEATHER. Remember the aforementioned horrible weather we encountered in Huangshan, my OTHER important beloved choice, that ended up failing us? It was like that – cold, rainy, foggy, very low visibility. In short, a terrible day to visit a site that requires good visibility. We were so upset about that but I was more upset that apparently Universe wanted to ruin all the things I particularly wanted to do! Does the universe not want me to make decisions because that’s a TERRIBLE lesson. Z was tentative about going all the way to Danxia and paying all the money for a taxi to take us there and then wait for hours and then take us back (that’s what you’re supposed to do because there aren’t taxis at the site) if we might not even see anything. But I was like are you kidding, we are definitely going and trying and seeing what we came to see because we came all this way to and ALEXANDER I CAME ALL THIS WAY SHE CAME ALL THIS WAY ALL THIS WAY. And thank goodness we went because, while I’m sure it’s even more stunning on sunny days, it was REMARKABLE. It was definitely one of my favorite places.
So we found a cab very quickly (we were still in the station’s parking lot pretty much) and showed her a message in Chinese that Helen had written for us, saying essentially “please take me to Danxia, and wait, and then drive me back to the main train station” (our night train left from the other station in town – yes even tiny towns you never heard of in China are big enough to warrant two train stations). Helen said it cost her 180 yuan 3 years ago when she did it, and we were just hoping for under 300 given the expected upcharge for not being Chinese/able to haggle, and the lady driving said 240 so we were okay with that! (That’s about $36 which for China is a lot-ish but we were like that is almost the flag-drop in London taxis, so, score.) Also it was a lady cab driver which we liked.
Of course, this being China and us being in a taxi, something ridiculous had to happen. After about ten minutes of driving, the lady pulled over on the side of the road next to a man in a nice jacket that I assumed at first glance was from Jack Wolfskin but it actually said “Jake Wolfking” and despite how delighted this made us, we were still very concerned about wtf was going on. Lady got out and man got in and we were like HEY LADY, what’s happening? She didn’t speak English, she just pointed to the man and nodded. We had no idea what was going on! Luckily, we worked out with the man that he was her husband and was just taking over our long job. JFC it is a mess not being able to communicate. So all was okay just a slight scare.
the men’s bathroom sign was LITERALLY a picture of a man smoking like come the f on China
We got to Danxia at about 4:45 and they had a GIANT building with a GIANT sign that said ‘toilets’ and they were pretty clean. And then the little road to the ticket office was full of camel-shaped (somehow, I know) wooden stalls selling melons and nannerpusses. It was already my favorite place in China.
And it got even better. We bought tickets – under 100 yuan each, which is not bad (like $15), and it includes the (pretty required) shuttle bus around the ENORMOUS, ENDLESS grounds – and got on the shuttle bus to the first amazing area, about 10 minutes down the mountain road, and I was SO HAPPY. It was BIG and BEEYOOOTIFUL! Every area has stairs up to the top of that peak (omg so much climbing) and platforms to walk along to see all views, plus signs and stuff for the highlights. Our first highlight was Sleeping Beauty, the sign for which reads, and this is verbatim, “The earth beauty that was formed during the Cretaceous Period and the nature gives birth to and makeunders after long-term weathering, has relieved and soft lines, fruity and lithe and graceful figure, and colorful dress. We don’t know it is a fairy or dragon out of the sea, but we want to stay here indeed, because it stands here for one hundred million year.” I MEAN. WAS I IN HEAVEN, YES.
So here’s the picture of Sleeping Beauty…not sure if the sign was accurate. Also did they mean makeunder like what they did to Charlize in Monster.
OH this is a good time to tell you an important bit of info: We entered at the north gate, but there are east and west gates too. And, the shuttle you catch at each gate is different, they take you on different routes around the grounds, so you see different things. Now, there is a transfer station at the middle, so you can hop on all the various shuttles and see all the things (just remember to get on your gate’s right bus at the end so you find your taxi), but it took us a full three hours to see everything just up to that transfer station! (That’s also the last station before the north gate.) This place is ENORMOUS! Three hours of driving and climbing and more driving (for long stretches, too), and we saw maaaybe half, probably less. And it was all incredible! I think we saw the highlights. What do you think?
lolol
And, OF COURSE, there were amazing signs. Crucial (not) commentary in the captions.
never seen that used like that before
i mean dude i’d listen to you but I don’t know what you mean
that’s LITERALLY the opposite of what Mother Superior said
Even though it was freezing and I was a shibber, I felt JOY for the first time in weeks. I’m just kidding I know I complain a lot (a lot a lot) but I liked most of China and most of what we did this is just my platform for venting. But I really loved this place. It’s up there with the Great Wall on my list of Mosts.
I didn’t even share the best part yet – at every shuttle dropoff point was a TOILET! And not a disgusting outhouse but a real building with walls and floors and stuff. (Okay it’s not the best part but it’s up there.)
The only negative about this experience (besides the weather) is that a lot of people were staring and very conspicuously taking photos of me, because I am white. FFS, even the ONLY other white person we saw here (actually the only one all day and for days after) took a picture of (well with) us because he bet his Chinese wife that they wouldn’t see any other foreigners so he had to make proof of it? But that wasn’t as upsetting as all the Chinese men and teenage girls (seriously, just those two demos) taking my photo and laughing. It almost ruined my whole day. A few times I said to the person ‘that’s really not okay please don’t’ and they understood I think from my face and tone that shiz was not cool but they just shrugged. Arghhhhh.
While it dampened my spirits (so they could match my clothes!) it did not tarnish the beauty of this amazing place.
We got back to Mr. Wolfking at almost 8pm, bought two tubs of camel-stall melon (I felt like a having pounds of watermelon and cantaloupe for dinner, it’s so good here), drove to the station and had about three hours to kill before our midnight train to Dunhuang (leaving on a midnight traaaaain) so we just putzed around the station and stuff. And to top off an amazing day, this train, which was yet another K train, was the nicest of all the K’s! It had soap in the sink area! It was clean! We bought out the other two beds again (#ghostchildren) and could use all the extra pillows and blankets and NOT BE ITCHY FROM THEM! The attendants were nice! It was smoky but just ever so slightly less so! It was only 7 hours so it was a shame that we didn’t have this one for a longer journey. When I mentioned that, Z asked if that meant I wanted to stay on longer and I immediately turned into Randolph & Mortimer (should start automatically at 0:40 but if it doesn’t, well, go to 0:40):
Onto the next!
Onto the next!
Dunhuang, China: The Mogao Caves and the Start of Our Silk Road Journey
It’s unclear when exactly we should say we began our exploration of the ancient Silk Road, not one road so much as a cross-continental network of trade routes and passes from China, across most of central Asia, and possibly all the way to Rome. (Sea routes stretching from Indonesia to Africa were also part of it, but we didn’t do any watersports; it’s all desert from here on out.) Xi’an was considered a terminus of it, but today it’s such a modern busy city that it didn’t seem very ‘Silk Road-y’ to us when we were there; we were still in ‘China’ mindset and not ‘incredible desert history’ mindset. But there’s no question that once we landed in Dunhuang, our journey through the Silk Road had begun. Dunhuang was one of the most important historical sites of the Silk Road both then and now, and it has provided tons of insight into the dealings and relationships among people, religious groups, and states from ancient times. If you go to Dunhuang, you are unquestionably there to go back in time and learn about its role in the Silk Road.
So, like I said, the Silk Road was not a road, and not even just because of mountains! It was formed by local traders determining which routes they could travel without dying of thirst, pretty much, and mainly went from one oasis to another. It also included the least deadly mountain passes, though you had to be careful of the season (snow!). Also, contrary to the idea that individual traders ventured from China all the way to Europe, most evidence shows that traders stuck to their local routes, like a very extended game of telephone but for trading. Or I guess a more appropriate comparison would be to the track and field race where you pass the baton. At camp we called it the…I wanna say Fenchurch Street but that’s just because I miss my tube line. Um…steeple chase! That’s it! (Those are similar phrases, right.) Is that a thing people say or is it just passing the baton? Whatever. It was like that where you go just a bit of the way yourself and then pass your crap to an associate or new trader friend. So the romantic notion of traders with endless caravans crossing the desert with innumerable treasures to bring to western Europe is not very accurate.
But actually, the idea of the Telephone game works too, because these traders shared information of all sorts with each other that blended into new cultures, traversing the continent and beyond along with the silk, but also with all kinds of other goods, animals, cultural and religious ideas, and Yom Kippur breath. The most important item passed throughout the lands was not silk but paper – documents, books, and even scattered personal notes are what teach us the most about this history and how people traded and what spread successfully and how far it went. And while there are many famous Silk Road sites that have provided immense knowledge through excavations, we’ve learned the most about this spread of communication and ideas (and goods) from one place – Dunhuang, and its Library Cave.
Dunhuang is an oasis town in Gansu province, squeezed in between the Gobi Desert (yes we made our way allll the way back around) and the Taklamakan Desert (fuck it was SO DRY my eyes hurt in my head). An important early Silk Road city, it’s now known for its outstanding Mogao Caves, an extensive cave system that served as Buddhist temples and housed (and still house) incredible examples of religious Buddhist art – in fact, the largest collection of Buddhist art in the world (painted on the cave walls, mostly). Constructed for meditation spaces in the 4th century, the caves were not well preserved (and still aren’t very) so what there is to see is pretty miraculous. No pictures are allowed inside the tiny dark caves – great idea to try to preserve what’s there, although some caves were closed due to ‘excessive carbon dioxide’ (meaning they aren’t regulating the number of visitors well enough. Also, smoking is allowed. If you have a problem with air quality and too many people affecting the condition of the cave preservation, maybe don’t allow smoking in there FFS, CHINA).
In addition to the art, the Mogao caves gave the world its most important contribution to history with the Library Cave, a hidden room in the caves which was walled up to hide thousands and thousands of documents – in fact, over 50,000 documents, including over 15,000 books and over 1000 scrolls. Some scrolls date from as early as the 5th century and all dated from before the cave was sealed in the 11th century. The earliest complete printed book was found here, The Diamond Sutra, from 868. The documents are in at least 17 languages, including Chinese, Tibetan, Uigur, Hebrew, Sanskrit, and Sogdian, proving how far peoples and ideas travelled.
The walled-up cave was discovered in 1900 by a monk known as Daoist Wang, at least according to the book I’m reading (Z’s book calls him something a lot less fun). Daoist Wang was self-appointed as the caretaker of Dunhuang when it had long been falling into disrepair. One day he noticed something going on with the air in them there caves and knocked an inner wall down, and found a room positively crammed with piles of documents stretching 10 feet tall. Hoo boy, this was a big deal, and he knew it. He asked the Chinese government if they wanted to pay for him to have all the documents shipped – he knew how important these were to Chinese history – and the govvies were like nah we don’t have the money to pay for that. Big mistake. Big. Huge. An explorer named Aurel Stein soon heard about the discovery and made his way to Dunhuang to charm Wang into letting him buy some of the documents and take them out of China (to Britain and India). Stein gave Wang like a Benjamin, maybe two, and took TENS of thousands of documents. He is a controversial figure, for many reasons. One, he knew they were worth more, but like, so did Wang, and Wang could have charged more. Also what was Wang gonna do with that money he lived in caves. Two, people are mad at Whitey McSteinface for taking the documents away from their home (are you too good for your HOME?), but the Chinese government wasn’t interested at first so why not bring them to a place with better preservation methods and people and universities who actually want to study them? (NB, you’d think this string of me siding with colonialist kinds of thinking would mean I side with the British Museum on the Elgin Marbles controversy but I saw IN PERSON the whole f-ing modern advanced thing that Greece has since built for them so there’s no reason now! Shaaame!)
Aurel Stein was also the first person to describe in great detail everything he saw at the Dunhuang caves (see it’s historically necessary to describe everything you see and do in too much detail, for posterity!), and contributed most of what we know about how they were before the onslaught of other explorers, researchers, universities…and tourists. Today, foreigners can’t really book tickets. The website doesn’t have functional English, but also I think hotels and hostels and tour groups just do it for foreigners and there’s no discussion. But you do need to book tickets in advance, because they only let in 6000 tourists per day – and it REALLY should be less, considering the aforementioned CO2 problems harming various caves. We hired a guide and driver from VisitOurChina to get our tickets, pick us up and drop us off at our guesthouse, and provide a private tour of the caves. Well, 2 out of 3 ain’t bad, I guess. No, they are a bad company and I strongly urge you never to use them. The local guide they hired for us was great, but what they didn’t tell us (and I don’t think she realized we had paid (through the nose) for) was that private guides cannot lead anyone through the caves – you are put into large (LARGE) groups with other (AWFUL LOUD RUDE) tourists and led around by an official site guide. So we paid all that money for nothing. We were livid, and not just because the huge Italian tour group we were put with was full of rude awful people who snuck photos in the caves despite that being prohibited. I know, Italians betraying me, my own people.
I do not take that shit lightly and we got a partial refund of our money, but if we didn’t have to deal with the excruciatingly frustrating Chinese tendency to deny blame and never apologize and make things as hard as possible (and also, what contract law?!), I would have fought for all of it. YOU HEAR ME, SOPHY? YOU ARE A LYING LIAR WHO LIES AND YOU HAVE TAINTED THE NAME OF TOY GIRAFFES EVERYWHERE.
Despite my blood pressure being at red alert the whole visit, both at our being cheated and at my own people betraying me with insane rudeness, our visit to the Mogao Caves was pretty special. You start in a newly built visitor center and you watch two movies, one about the caves’ history and one about the visit. I mean at least I think that’s what they were about. It was dark and comfy and cool in there and I had a very nice nap.
After the movies, you get on a giant bus to the actual caves. We did not know about this. It’s a 15 minute bus ride away from the visitor center to the caves, down a freaking highway! WHY NOT BUILD YOUR NEW VISITOR CENTER A TINY BIT CLOSER TO THE ACTUAL THING WE ARE VISITING? FFS CHINA.
Then you find out your tour company is a bunch of lying liars and you fight but can’t do anything about it because the official site guides are the only ones with keys to the caves (they remain locked at all times except the few minutes you are in them) so you piss and moan like an impotent jerk and then you acquiesce and try to enjoy the damn thing. And it was indeed amazing. The paintings on the cave walls are of varying degrees of preservation, some barely visible, but some (a lot) are gorgeous and clearly visible still. It’s pretty awesome. It’s also very very hot (SANDWICHED BETWEEN TWO DESERTS I SAID) so bring water and a hat and whatever you have that might reflect the sun away from you. My hands have aged so much I can hear them saying “Muriel? Muriel hasn’t lived here for 50 yeeeeears…”
We spent probably 3 hours between both the sites of the cave complex. After we got back to our guesthouse, we wanted to go into the desert to see the enormous dunes and the famous oasis of Crescent Lake, about a 30 minute walk away. Unfortunately, my dry eye syndrome has been exacerbated, to say the least, in this climate, resulting in ocular migraines like I’ve never had before, so I had to take my contacts out and lay in the dark for a while while Z explored what he said (so meanly) was the most amazing place. He took good pictures but I’m so mad I had to miss this. Stupid dry climate.
SAND EVERYWHERE
Once I could stand the pain, I realized it was like 9pm and I was hungry, so I went into our little fake adobe village to find food. Oh so we stayed at a place called the Silk Road Yododo Inn, a hostelish guesthouse with one nice woman and a very rude man working, nice rooms, but the common spaces were just enormous sandboxes. Not joking, the space in the middle of the guestrooms was all sandbox. Complete with little plastic shovel. It was insane. The room seemed nice but we saw later that it was dirtier than it first appeared, with sand in the sheets (blech) (but of course; it was a sandbox) and dirty walls and quilts. Outside, a bar played super loud music until midnight. And when that music finally stopped, a neighbor down the hall seemed to be hammering into the wall. I think he was moving furniture because Z saw a man carrying a vanity table or something absolutely ridiculous even disregarding the time of night. We can never get away from ridiculous. The guesthouse was on the second floor of a sandy adobe village looking place. So weird but cute.
the ground outside was sandbox too
I thought I might have good luck at the Western Restaurant (full name) but no, they did not speak English or understand my phone asking for no meat (what do you mean no meat! Okay I bring you chicken). I got them to bring me a bowl of rice covered in bok choy, which is better than nothing. The next day, we went to a little food shack hole in the wall place and got delicious noodles and veggies. Shacks are always better, we are learning.
yummiest shack food
Overall, despite my eyes and my head and my eyes in my head and the lying liars who lied to us, our short visit to Dunhuang was nice – very informative and interesting. We are lucky to have gotten to see some of the amazing caves and their art from so long ago, even if most of documents are back home in the British Museum (where we are members, lol). The history here is incredible and it was exciting to begin the real Silk Road section of our journey. Even if it mostly means dry air and burnt skin.
