More of St. Petersburg: Random Sights, More Museums, and Peterhof

​I was so psyched for our four days in Chengdu. My excitement was 80% because of the pandas, 70% because Sichuan food is the best food in China (and beyond!), 50% because a big city promised to have lots of bubble tea, and 99% because we were staying in our fanciest hotel yet (how good am I at percentage totals) and after months of travel I am jonesing for some luxury (clean sheets, btw, is what I consider luxury now). Guess what suckers, it ALL delivered! And how! The bubble tea was everywhere, the food was amazing, the pandas were ADORBS, and the hotel was so best ever that I actually cried when we had to leave. I’m a mess of a dork. The only negative was that people/crowds/pushers/shovers are getting on our last nerve and it’s getting old and exhausting for us to deal with. But other than that Chengdu was a great time. Maybe because we spent most of the time in the hotel. Worth it. 

​When we arrived after the previous sleeper from hell, we took a subway from the station to the area of our hotel, the Fraser Suites. It was rough, with our bags, trying to fight for space on the crowded mess of a subway. Oh p.s., all the subways in China are identical. They were all built standard issue by the government or something because seriously, same same. It’s helpful for figuring out how to use them. Anyway, so we were sweaty and smelly and tired but we finally got to the Fraser Suites at 3pm. We were so excited to finally have customer service in China that was at least as good as it is in England (because England’s is bad, but China’s is worse). Nooope. Why would we ever think that would happen here! The staff said our room wasn’t ready, even though check-in was over an hour before we arrived. So, unacceptable. She said to wait 20 minutes or so and I said UNACCEPTABLE. No I just pointed out that we were past check-in and there’s no reason the room shouldn’t be ready and it’s a giant place and they must have another room ready and do you see how dirty I am I need to shower! Someone else overheard and was like jfc give these people a different room we have so many! So yay, we went up to an identical room, so they say, and it was gloooooorious. I almost don’t care that they acted like they didn’t know who I was (DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM) because this hotel room was the shizz. Actually, it’s more of an apartment. And I would be happy to live there. There was a big kitchen with all the appliances you’d need – oven, stove, full-sized fridge and freezer, and a freaking blender and food processor. 

​But they weren’t even the best part! Guys looooook:

A LAUNDRY MACHINE! I could wash my things every day! I could wash twice a day! Who’s gonna stop me! We did indeed do laundry every day, after we washed literally everything in our packs. It was beautiful. It was an England-style combo washer-dryer in the same machine, which my fellow UK-dwellers will know don’t dry AT ALL. But guess what suckers, of course the Fraser Suites one actually dried and like a dreeeeam! I was so happy. 

There were also so many closets that I unpacked literally everything and stored my empty bag in its own closet by the front door, along with our shoes lined up on a hidden rack below it. I mean. It’s like fancy Ikea with all the compartments. 

From the open plan kitchen you could view the big living room, with a big comfy couch that had the section on the end that you can lay down on (what’s that called), a big TV THAT GOT HBO, and a nice desk for baby laptop. 

​

The bedroom was gorgeous and the pillows were maybe the best ever. Big fluffy pillows are my favorite and I fancy myself a connoisseur and I think these were the best. I am gonna cry again thinking about them. There was also a button by the bed that closed the thin curtains, and another button that closed the heavy blackout drapes across the giant window wall. I know. I thought that was just something they made up for Cameron Diaz’s house in The Holiday. There was also a big TV on the wall. HBO in bed. 

​

On the way to the big clean bathroom was a big closet area with full closets on both sides of the walkway (where I unpacked all my shit), a safe, and two big robes hanging. Erma. And slippers! The bathroom had a big tub and a separate shower, a good sink area with a hairdryer and a light-up makeup mirror, soooo many drawers and cabinets (I also unpacked all my toiletries), good little hotel toiletries including, finally, body lotion (I’m out!), and…………a television in the tub. I didn’t take a picture of it because I didn’t want to spook it and have it disappear. Guys. I was never leaving. I mean I did leave and we did stuff but come one. It was heaven. 

There was also one of the best hotel gyms ever. It wasn’t quite up to the Kempinski gym in Ulaan Baatar, because there they had water bottles fully stocked in a fridge and here they just had a big cooler of not cold water with plastic cups, but otherwise, it was wonderful. Oh man. Oh and guess what, there are gym bros in China too just like everywhere else that I have to yell at for being all gym bro-ey (like bringing bose speakers to play their music for the entire gym WHO DOES THAT.)

Attached to the gym was a separate ‘yoga room’. I know, this is getting ridiculous. There wasn’t a lot of floor space in the main gym (so many machines!) so I brought what I needed into the yoga room often and had it to myself. It was amazing. 

Down the hall on this floor were separate men’s and women’s locker rooms. Inside the locker rooms were the usual lockers, toilets, sinks, showers (with shampoo and hairdryers omg), but then around the bend was, I shit you not, a hot dip pool, a cool dip pool, a dry sauna AND a steam room. I mean I guess the only drawback was that Z and I couldn’t do the sauna-steam-hot tub-cold tub-repeat-repeat-repeat together but we barely cared. This was ridiculous. You operated the sauna and steam yourselves and each time I used it I was the only one in there. So I made it really hot and they quickly regretted it. Do it on the normal temperature. 

After the sauna area of both locker rooms, there are doors to the big swimming pool. It was a very nice pool, but the lifeguard makes everyone wear swim caps which is gross because ew sharing hair things and ALSO I have more hair and a giant head compared to Chinese people and it was so uncomfortable. Did I care that much? No, have you heard about this hotel?! It’s AMAZING. The ceiling of it was set up like a starry night – not Starry Night, but a night sky full of stars that ACTUALLY TWINKLED. 

One day we were exploring a different communal floor and found a billiards room, a ping pong table, and the funniest thing ever, a giant room just filled with massage chairs. They were pretty old models but still we spent at least an hour trying all the settings. It was so f-ing hilarious. Who just has a random room full of massage chairs. 

​I know I am talking so g-d much about this hotel and I know it is ridiculous. But compare this to most of where we’ve been sleeping all summer! I’ve never stayed quite in a place like this (and it was under $100 a night! That’s amazing for what it is). To make everything even more amazing, one afternoon my favorite movie ever, “You’ve Got Mail”, was on HBO. I did not go outside that day. Oh no I did – there was a mall across the street with a Carrefour grocery store and several bubble tea shops. So I of course had bubble tea every day. ​And I found some good Carrefour treats, including the first sighting of pretzels since Russia. I almost cried. Oh what am I trying to hide, obviously I cried.

​I also made good use of the kitchen and made a smoothie with watermelon and cucumber I bought. The watermelon in China is wonderful; the raw leafy greens in the produce section, not so much, so I stuck to something I could peel the gross off of. 

​Even better, I froze a bunch of bananas in order to make banana whip in the food processor. I used the only vegan soy milk I’ve found so far in all of China (so f-ing weird, stop adding milk powder to your soy milk!) and a lot of peanut butter, and it was perfection! I haven’t been able to find vegan ice cream in months so this was the biggest treat. 

​Okay that’s enough about the hotel. Oh no I must share I took a bubble bath for the first time in like a decade at least and watched HBO in the tub during it. Okay now I’m done. I know what you’re here for, and it’s not to watch me cry as I reminisce about this amazing hotel that aside from some weird pipe smells was the best ever.
​ 
You’re here for pandas. 

The #1 thing to do in Chengdu is to visit the panda sanctuary, the Chengdu Research Base of Giant Panda Breeding. It’s only about a half hour ride outside the city, and there are public buses that go there but a taxi (using the meter) cost us only 48 RMB or something like that, which is like $7. The place opens at 8:30am, I think, and you are supposed to go early so you see them playing instead of sleeping, which they do when it’s too hot in the afternoon. We left the hotel before 7:30, and it was pretty hopping at 8am. Definitely don’t wait any longer to arrive, because hour by hour you could actually feel the crowds increasing. By the time we left, it still wasn’t even noon but the pathways were crammed. 

The insane crowds – full of pushing and shoving and knocking your camera away so they could put theirs in front of your face for the better view that you actually waited for – were the worst part, and we were super frustrated and upset about them. But I’m sharing that negative bit first because aside from that (that’s all of China, really), this was amazing! I SAW PANDAS! They were PLAYING with each other and fake-fighting like doggies do and it was the cutest! We saw giant panda adults, giant panda cubs, newborns, red pandas of all sizes. All were amazing. 

​The grounds are enormous, and once you enter after buying tickets (which were less than we thought considering it’s the #1 thing (but I don’t remember exactly sorry)) you’ll see a very long line for a little golf-cartish bus that will shuttle people up towards the panda habitats. This is great for people who are less mobile, but if you have no problem walking all morning, it’s much better to walk everywhere and choose your own adventure. There are signs everywhere saying ‘this way to the giant adult pandas #1a, this way to 1b, this way to 2nd, this way to the red panda A, this way to red panda Z4’ – the labeling of the various areas is very confusing and without explanation (I guess this is where privately hired guides can help navigate), but I think we just followed our hearts and saw all of them in a random order depending on what felt right. And we had SUCH good luck! We saw these three adults playing in one B section. Well two are playing, the third is just chilling nearby and making a total ‘guys, let me be, alright?’ face.

​One giant panda was HILARIOUS, laying down while he ate all his sticks of bamboo with the biggest smile on his face. I mean, of course he was smiling, he was eating his favorite food while laying down. It doesn’t get better. 

​We also walked to the red panda habitats and were OBSESSED. They were so flipping cute. We so lucked out and arrived at the same time as a staff member there to feed them (about 9:30, I think). She opened the gate and went into the woods area with a bucket of squash and apples (they eat like me!). One skittish reddy ran into the woods, scared of her I guess (poor little thing!), but the others were PUMPED for food and ran over. So pumped, in fact, that this amazing little guy stood up to say to her hurry up and gimme my food!

And all the others!

​After we walked for hours to all the various habitats, we happened upon an extremely long line. Oh wow it was so long. Z got in it while I searched for a toilet – it was kind of far, and that long was just as long as the other one, of course, because no one designs a women’s bathroom adequately anywhere in the world. When we finally made it through the attraction line, we saw that it was for the ‘mother and panda’ nursey or something. We were shuffled through single file (that was quite the experience; Chinese people do not do single file willingly and I had to yell at SO MANY PEOPLE) past nursery windows, one of which had the tiniest baby panda in an incubator. 

So, it was at this point in our experience that I suddenly thought, is this place actually a zoo? Or at least, zoo-like? Considering that thousands of people per day were staring at this baby, and getting kind of close to all these animals, it seemed very zooey and not the good Deschanel kind. Sure the pandas had tons of room and seemingly endless woods, no cages or confines that we could see, but still, all these people staring…it feels weird. I realized I did not do enough research into this. The institute mostly bills itself as for preservation and conservation of the endangered pandas, and a place to get them to breed more, but still I don’t really know for sure. I tried looking into it and found positive information about how it’s really the top institute for saving the pandas from extinction and trying to increase their numbers in the face of that. But, it’s hard to tell whether that is truth or whether it is government controlled propaganda. I think, overall, the pandas are well taken care of, and they are in trouble and this place helps to protect and preserve them, so I really hope it’s true. If anyone knows more please let me know. 

​Accepting that I went, though, it was the best ever. I loved seeing the pandas acting like total adorable goofballs as they played with their friends. Like I said, they seem well taken care of and not in enclosed spaces, but I think it would be beneficial (to all) if they had timed entry to thin out the crowds. It can’t feel normal to have that many people staring at you. But yes, I was one of them. I smiled at them though! I didn’t shout like others! Okay that’s no excuse. But look how cute. 

​The best thing about the pandas is, well it’s seeing them and it’s amazing oh my god. The next best nonrelated thing is that if you go when you’re supposed to, you miss the insane afternoon crowds and you are done with the #1 activity in Chengdu before noon that day! So we had a whole afternoon of swimming and sauna and HBO and laying on pillows. It was the best day. 

​What else did we do in Chengdu besides see the pandas and be complete lazybones with the cleanest clothes? We Sichuan fooded so damn hard! HappyCow was full of great-sounding places, so many in fact that we didn’t even make a dent in the list. First, we tried the Yusuge Garden Vegan Vegetarian Restaurant that was only a 20 minute walk from our hotel (and through a very popular area that had bubble tea shops and smoothie places and crazy looking street food stalls on every single block). It was another all-vegan buffet that was stupid cheap (36 rmb, or just over $5). It’s located on the fourth floor of a building across from the big Kowloon Plaza. The food wasn’t as fantastic as some other buffets, but it was better than some others, so definitely of decent quality. The selection was more limited with maybe 15 dishes, but that’s still a lot of food when you can eat everything! (Except the bitter melon rounds. Bitter melon is GROSS!) It wasn’t mind-blowing but it was still RG! 

Above is part of the dessert-y section. On the left side is an interesting sticky rice thing with lots of steamed pumpkin on it. The pumpkin should have been flavored or sweetened at least, but still interesting. But the big winner here is that they had little CUPCAKES! Do you see on the far right?! The cake was fine but the icing was AMAZING. Oh man. (I put one in my bag for later shhh.)

One day we ventured down south for a long walk through the city and saw Sichuan University, the very generic name of which made us make constant jokes about Bovine University. We ate at a vegetarian place nearby.

​Lotus Vegetarian was not worth the trek, but if you are in the area, it’s good. We had a mixed bag – two lackluster dishes but two great ones. There were dumplings that were just okay, ‘assorted broccoli’ that was mostly cauliflower and came in a weird goo sauce that wasn’t good (and these were my necessary veggies! sigh), but then a fun random fake meat dish over super spicy cold cucumber (surprise veggies! thanks!), and fantastic dandan noodles, which we had been searching for forever at every vegetarian restaurant. Gotta have dandan when in Sichuan! So, two good dishes, two meh, and we finally got dandan, so overall it was a win. It’s the only thing in that area, I think, so it’s good if you’re there, but there’s better food to be had elsewhere in Chengdu. 

​Like my favorite restaurant in the entire city, Jujubeetree Vegetarian Lifestyle. We were shocked at how good this place was. It was sit-down and fancy looking yet not expensive like all the non-buffet vegetarian restaurants are. 

We got enough food that I had leftovers (yayyy for a fridge and the ability to reheat!) and I went back another day for a shitload of takeout (yay again for the same things!).  We had the bean curd and vegetable salad, which was beautiful. The taste was mild but with a bit of the Sichuan numbing pepper, plus peanuts. It was refreshing, with raw carrots and sprouts and various shredded green things. So good. 

​I also got – you already guessed, didn’t you? Because if it’s on the menu when I’m traveling in places where it’s not common, I get it even if I don’t want it. But I always want it! Anyway I’m obviously talking about a green salad, this time with carrots, tomatoes, radish, quinoa (vegetarian restaurant salads are the only places we’ve seen quinoa in the whole country), and really good strips of cooked pumpkin, in a delicious dressing. It was ENORMOUS too, so I was so happy. 

​Because the salad was so big, I got to take most of the other dishes home for the next day (yebop!!!). My main dish was astounding. Reviews online told me to get the pepper steak, or the sweet and sour rib dish, but neither was calling to me. Instead, I pointed to a menu entry that said ‘bean curd pudding and meatballs’. I mean. I don’t know WHY ON EARTH I would order something that sounded so revolting, but some force took hold of my finger when the waiter arrived and moved it Ouija board style over that item and made me say ‘and this.’ Well, whatever Chinese magic that was, I need more of it in my life, because this dish was one of the best I had in China.

It was a GIGANTIC pot of chili oil-soupy goodness over an open flame with incredible-textured meatballs, lots of various mushrooms, green peppers, red peppers, and pillows of soft homemade tofu, like dumplings of tofu that had been cooked in the simmering broth. It was EPIC. We were both shocked by how great it was. I mean, that name! No way! Everything was super spicy, just like we wanted, and this was the spiciest of all. Erma. So incredible. 

We also needed a dumpling style dish because they were on the menu and I was there, and we eagerly decided on a variation on our theme – because this menu had WONTONS. I don’t really know what the difference is between wontons and dumplings except that wontons seem to have a little more skin folded around it (gentiles?) but who cares, these were incredible. They were filled with mushroom and cabbage and came in a bowl of chili oil (as usual!) and we were fighting over the last one. So good!!

​Lastly we ordered the char siu pastry, which I’ve never had because it is usually filled with a pulled pork kind of thing, but yay for a vegetarian version! The pork filling was good, kind of sweet and it was clearly meant as a dessert version because it came out after everything else. I would have preferred a more savory version because I don’t really like flaky, buttery crust pastries (I know I know) but I could still tell that this was a quality dish and luckily Z is not crazy and enjoys delicious things. 

​We obviously went back, one afternoon when we were in the area, and I got even more food to take home (home, sigh, it was like a home). I did get that recommended pepper steak, which was good, but cost twice as much as the other mains, which I don’t understand, and the only veggies inside were red and green peppers, which I don’t love, and big chunks of them, so there was no way of hiding the taste with other stuff in the same bite. The actual steak was great though, with a really impressive pull-apart layered texture. 

​ I got an order of sword beans, which I love, like slightly fatter green beans in a strong sauce, but not spicy – like the only non-spicy thing we ate all week, so it was like a delicious palate cleanser. They had bits of fried all over that was so good. I don’t know fried what, just fried. 

I also got a huge order of this amazing sauteed cauliflower that we’ve seen and eaten all over China (this is how you do cauliflower!) that came with ‘streaky pork’, which I thought was a typo on ‘steaky’ because I don’t know meat things but Z said they mean it to be like bacon-ish. It was a delicious dish. 

​But the last one was my favorite, and I think it was my favorite noodle dish in all of China, which is a huuuuge thing to say. It was ‘double color spinach juice noodles’, so the noodles were green I guess from spinach juice! Immediately I’m onboard. They were covered in a spicy meaty sauce kind of like a Sichuan bolognese and then a milder but even more delicious lighter creamier sauce. It was incredible. These may have been the restaurant’s take on dandan, I can’t really tell, but it was amazing. Oh man I wish I could have more of these. 

​Aside from all this vegetarian Sichuan food, we had an obligatory ah-I’m-so-sick-of-Chinese-food moment one afternoon and chanced upon an incredible hole-in-the-wall Mexican place that was actually better than any Mexican food there is in London. I KNOW! It was called Good Good Mexican Grill and it was good good and there were non-Chinese people running it, which makes sense. Z had a quesadilla that he said was awesome and we shared these nachos and guacamole. GUAC GUYS.

​One day in search of our bank, we took a nice stroll along the river. It was great to have almost no one around us for a change. 

As usual, we saw some great signage, like this dental clinic. 

One of my favorite things is that we keep seeing shops that apparently want to be New Balance shops, but…aren’t. 

Also this sounds like the worst art gallery EVER:

One night on the subway I saw a girl in a t-shirt that read “If I was a bird, I’d know who to shit on.” I MEAN. AMAZING. 

​So, yes, we mainly used our time in Chengdu to eat and laze around our amazing digs. And we saw pandas. It was the best week. 

WHO DAT!

My boyfriend I mean my fiance I mean my husband! and I finally made it to New Orleans! As some of you know, we were supposed to go to the Big Easy Apple Patch in January, but that ridiculously crazy ice storm back in January 2014 that destroyed Atlanta and Mississippi also closed all roads leading into NOLA. Here’s a really scary picture we took as we “drove” (slowly glided) through the streets of ice in Brookhaven, Mississippi as we tried to find shelter. Petrifying.

So that trip didn’t happen, but then we decided to get married so we could go to New Orleans for a mini honeymoon/’wee agavemoon’! Yay!!! I got scared that maybe the universe didn’t want us to ever get there, especially after we had a flight delay, but we got there and we loved it SO HAH UNIVERSE.

Our mini honeymoon in New Orleans started off kind of hilariously (mostly awfully) as we laughed at this sign in the cab (at right). Like…did you have to specify that it’s a crime to kill a cab driver? Do the type of people who normally go to New Orleans not realize that cab drivers are people too, and that killing anyone is wrong? I don’t know why but we found this hilarious. Also, we loved the “may be first degree murder”, not “is first degree murder”, because of course, what if the cab driver attacks and you retaliate in self-defense? Or like if he is driving while sleeping with your wife so it’s heat-of-passion manslaughter? Likely story. 

Anyway! We had scoured TripAdvisor for the past few months to make sure that our hotel choice, the Bourbon Orleans right in the heart of the French Quarter, was a good one. It seemed like a good fit: perfect location, had a pool (that we didn’t use), room looked swanky. And, the most important, it had water and unsweetened tea dispensers in the lobby all day and night!

So we got there hours after check-in time, but our room wasn’t ready. The not-so-nice lady didn’t even apologize or give a reason, just said it wasn’t ready. So we waited, but after about 35 minutes, I was steaming. I went up to the desk, talked to a man and said UMMM WHADDAFOCK? (effectively) He apologized and then looked down at his computer while I was standing there and I was thinking like…um…do I leave now? But then he looked up and said he found us a different room that was ready, that we could have for no extra charge “if we wanted” – a TWO-FLOOR suite with an enormous corner balcony overlooking the famous St. Louis cathedral. I mean, hot damn. Yes please.

One night, after we ate two dinners (which you can read about tomorrow in the New Orleans food guide!), we walked through the old towne (with an ‘e’ obviously) and wandered into one of the many hot sauce & praline shoppes (with a ‘pe’ obviously). This store had hundreds of hot sauce bottles set up for testing, along with baskets of chips. I casually tried a couple, not really looking at the bottles or reading signs, mostly because I love tortilla chips (I hate potato chips but corn chips? Gimme I got it). Ya know, just casual, eating some chips…and then I started feeling like my body was imploding. I looked down to see if I was still in one piece or if somehow my abdomen had been disappeared,  and then I looked up and around with eyes wide with fear. Whatttttt waaaaaaassssssssss happeningggggggggg tooooo meeeeeeeeeeee! This man about my age came up to me and asked, “Hey…um…which one did you have?” I pointed to the green bottle in the back and only then did I realize that it had WAIVER FORMS in front of it.

It was the NAGA JOLOKIA, aka the Ghost Pepper, aka the Bhutan poison chili aka the hottest pepper not only in the store but ON EARTH! And I just ate it because I like chips! I mean. Wow. Husband was like WHAT THE HELL OMG HAHAHAHA. And then it started pouring rain and even though I was wearing a white dress I dawdled outside with my mouth open. Before that point in my life, I had never cried without producing tears or moving my face, but somehow, that night, I did. 

We strolled a bit so I could regain consciousness, but strolling around aimlessly is the best thing to do in a new city anyway! You get a feel for it – and you learn how to get to your hotel. Once I recovered, we went to CVS for some supplies and saw this hilarious lineup of goods:

AMERICA.

* * * 

One early ass morning, we took a National Park Service walking tour that mostly shared information about NOLA’s birth and early development. I love taking walking tours to show you a different part of the city that you may not have discovered yet, and of course to learn! (Of course I don’t really remember what I learned, except that they lied a bunch to get people to move there.) I highly suggest taking this free walking tour, but get there early as they do cap the group at around 10 people (so fance). We had trouble finding the right meeting spot – there are six sites of the Jean Lafitte National Historical Park (everything in this region is called Lafitte because he was a pirate and New Orleans loves Johnny Depp). The right spot to meet is 419 Decatur St. 

 After that, we checked out the inside of the St. Louis Cathedral instead of just looking at it from our sick balcony. It was a lovely church but the view from the outside, with its fantastic green space in front, is better. I mean once you’ve seen the Vatican you are kind of ruined for regular churches. 

One night, way past my bedtime, we made our way to the well-known and awesome bar d.b.a. to see the well-known and AWESOME Glen David Andrews band. Oh man was this guy an entertainer extraordinaire! First of all, the bar itself was a superb venue (at least compared to where we were the following night). It seemed clean for a bar, it was roomy, and it had quite a sophisticated bar menu. Second, Glen was such a fun, crazy guy, and he works his ass off to entertain you. We are still laughing because the band performed the most hilarious songs – one about how they would ‘make that mo***f****’ shake (that mofo in question? The headboard), a lotttt about his ex-wife, who is apparently the worrrrrst, and best of all, my favorite thing to come out of NOLA, my favorite new song of the summer – one that went “I will I will I will I will I will MELT YO ASS LIKE BUTTER!” oh my god we were dying, and singing that nonstop for the following…eternity. 

The saxophone player was the most impressive I’ve ever seen, not that I’ve ever really paid attention to the instrument before, no matter how hard Duke Silver tries to sway me. Every bit he played felt like a spotlight solo. Just a fantastic performance that made me forget how late I was up. This was the musical highlight of my week, and the cover was only $5! If you are ever in NOLA, I am pretty sure that Glen and his band play at d.b.a. every Monday. 

The second night (we saw music every day!) we went closer to the West Bank (not that one) for the Maple Leaf Bar, a very Tulane kids bar, for a concert by Grammy-winning brass band Rebirth. They play big, loud, jazzy…brass band music, which is like paying to see a live headache. They are very talented and good but it is not my cup of tea. However, I may have been biased because the crowd was from hell. I hate college kids. Oh my god. I hated college kids when I was one. This was like a room full of every awful stereotype, so much drinking and pushing and shoving and being dumb. Ugh! I wish I had a mirror for them that showed their future selves looking reproachfully at them, in order to make them take stock of their shitty behavior. The best part about this show, however, was that famous NOLA artist Frenchy, with a canvas set up right behind where I was standing, was documenting the scene in a crazy cool painting that he will probably sell for many thousands of dollars while an angel sings “Beauty School Dropout” to him. 

Another night, we took the ferry (yay ferry!) across the Mississippi River to Algiers Point to see the Iguanas play, plus a special guest I’m sorry I can’t remember. They were decent entertainment, but the real draw was the location itself. Algiers Point is a big open spot of land that every Wednesday hosts pretty much the entire local community, with lots of food trucks and drinks tables set up. It really seemed like every local was there, with entire families and babies and so many dogs! There was such a good communal vibe and a friendly relaxed atmosphere, with everyone sitting on chairs or blankets they brought. 

Our last night we went to the very famous Lafitte’s, where only candles are used for light in the entire place (no electrical lights, hence no pictures came out!). This old-fashioned décor creates a dreamy relaxed vibe (or maybe the darkness just made me tired). A pianist played right near our table, and she was pretty great to listen to, if not for her vocal health (you can still smoke in bars here, I think she has inhaled too much secondary smoke) then at least for her song selection. It’s definitely a must, not only for this atmosphere, but because they are the famous makers of the Hurricane, New Orlean’s most famous alcoholic concoction. Lafitte’s isn’t the original creator of the Hurricane but it is supposedly the perfecter. I can’t say because it tasted like alcohol. It’s a potent mix of rum and syrup, grenadine, or fruit juice. Some kind of highly concentrated sugar. We shared one and I stomached maybe 4 sips. My favorite thing at Lafitte’s though was our friend’s PURPLE DRANK. Oh my god Purple Drank is the most hilarious thing ever. It is a frozen…purple drink… that tastes EXACTLY like Dimetapp. Did you take Dimetapp when you were sick as a kid? It’s like grape flavored but in the artificial way that is really more purple than grape? Well, Purple Drank is like a Dimetapp slushee. It’s HILARIOUS. I’m not exaggerating when I say it was exactly like the cough medicine. Oh my goodness it’s so funny. If I didn’t know better, I would say that each drank is a bottle of Dimetapp blended with ice. I mean it could be, I don’t know better. 

     On our last full day in NOLA, we stole a car and drove about an hour out of town to take a boat tour on the bayou. We went with Jean Lafitte’s Swamp Tours. (We originally had booked a time with Honey Island Tours, but we weren’t going to make it so we called to cancel our booking – three hours before the time – yet they still charged our credit card for it. Not cool bitches.) It was fun to see all the alligators – so many! – but the tour guide was not my fave. (He talked a lot about hunting and other not nice things.) But, a bayou tour is still a definite if you have the time. It took about 2 hours. It’s cool to see all the wildlife in the area. And, funnily enough, on our tour we passed a good amount of set pieces from “NCIS: New Orleans”, which we also saw filming outside our hotel one day! We didn’t see any famous people, but we did see one of their like male-top-half mannequin bodies floating in the bayou. Now that was kind of freaky at first, to say the least. 

          After the boat tour, we drove another hour and change to Laura Plantation. Originally, I felt weird to be touring a site of so much torture and suffering, but we chose Laura because reviews said they devote at least half the time to talking honestly about slavery. So, like all terrible historic sites, it was a great learning experience and it felt important to see. Our tour guide was really likeable and knowledgeable, and she struck the proper tone, sharing serious information but having everyone enjoy their visit. We learned about the owning family, and how some of them seemed like good people but then some were truly truly evil. We walked around slave quarters and were told that, despite all the wars and the fighting, the plantation was still operating almost exactly as it was in the 1800s – until 1977. How is that even possible? That is so disturbing and soul-crushing. What the hell. We also learned that despite the result of the Civil War and subsequent legislation, nothing really changed on any plantation. Oh man. I don’t even have words. How is this shit even possible? Ughh people STOP BEING RACIST. It’s shattering to realize that people who still perpetrate racist criminal activity are never really punished themselves. The tragedy and subsequent activity in Ferguson was happening while we were here, and it really brought to light how much work still has to be done. Those cops, probably all of them and all of their superiors, should be in jail for what they did and continue to do. But probably nothing will happen to them. It’s a terribly shitty world and we have to do what we can to make it better, as much as we can. So be nice to people, go vegan, &c. 

ANYWAY, there were some bright spots on the tour, including the fact that the stories of Bre’r Rabbit came from this plantation, from the slaves who created the stories to entertain and teach the children. They also had these SUPER ridiculous books in the gift shop. I still can’t get over them:

Seriously, do you see how creepy this kid’s face is in the Kiss me I’m Cajun tee? THIS IS THE COVER OF A COOKBOOK FFS!  And the devil costume! I can’t even. 

Down the road from Laura is the plantation used to film “12 Years A Slave”! How crazy! It wasn’t open for visitation before the movie, but now it is. We drove by and took a picture. 

New Orleans is a really fun place to visit. Bourbon Street is full of debauchery and drunken naked people even at 10am. But when you get away from those few blocks, the city has so much great culture, art, music, and of course food – which we will cover the rest of this week! – to offer. The last place we visited was the famous Saint Louis Cemetery, which is filled with interesting stories, from voodoo queens to Nicholas Cage. That’s right, the actor Nicholas Cage built himself a tomb a few years ago in this cemetery because he loves New Orleans and wants to be buried there. How creepy is that!!! I leave you with his tomb, which has a plaque covered in actual lipstick kisses.