Oscar Weekend 2017: Predictions and Wishes and Hopes and Dreams

It’s Theatre Thursday! Today’s show is Endgame by Samuel Beckett, playing a double bill with his short piece Rough for Theatre II, now at the Old Vic if you like torture.

To sort something straight off the bat: this is NOT about the last Avengers movie (which, amazingly enough, I still have not seen. I really do not care anymore about those superheroes. It’s too much). Endgame is a famous play by Samuel Beckett, the playwright of ‘theatre of the absurd’, famed for his dreary, bleak look at the human existence. He did not seem happy. People say his work is ‘tragi-comic’ but I did not get the comic part. He famously said that nothing is funnier than unhappiness…which after seeing this production, I promise you is false: I was very unhappy, and very much not amused. I have never been so close to being sure that a piece of theatre was pranking me as I was during this evening at the Old Vic, nearly shouting “oh THIS is the bad place” despite the beloved talent onstage (Daniel Radcliffe and Alan Cumming). I’ve also never seen so many people walk out of a show, unable to wait till an interval or the end, and I’ve seen some shit.

Let’s start with Rough for Theatre II, since it’s a little nothing of a show. This production serves a double bill with Beckett’s little one-act that’s about two like, afterlife accountants but not in the brilliant Good Place way, who show up when someone is about to commit suicide and they go through his life and see whether he should or not? At least I think that’s what it’s about. It was odd and vague and incredibly short. Daniel Radcliffe gets to do a lot of box jumps which is fun for him but not for me when watching because I was like I wanna do box jumps instead of watch this. I honestly have to give Beckett props for naming it what it is.

Endgame, the main course, is one of the most unreasonable pieces of theatre I’ve ever seen. Remember how Alex Borstein did that episode of Friends where she had a one-woman show about why men don’t like her and talked about getting her first period, and Chandler made everyone go see it as punishment? I didn’t know Sammy Beckett but I feel like he really hated theatergoers. He’s the playwright equivalent of Lewis Black’s joke about how airplane seats in economy were created by a guy with scoliosis who is really f-ing pissed. This piece is about an invalid (Alan) and his servant (Daniel) and Alan is mean to Daniel and Daniel has a limp but Alan can’t walk or stand at all and they just are like, waiting for death? It’s considered a sort of sequel to Waiting for Godot and I guess they just replaced Godot with Death. Alan’s parents live in trashcans at the foot of the stage and sometimes they pop up and say nonsense things that are weird and not funny and he replies in ways that are absurd because I guess this is Theatre of the Absurd but just because it has an official title doesn’t make it worthwhile.

Daniel is fine, but there’s only so much you can do performance-wise with the material you are given, especially when most of your requirements are carrying a ladder to and fro and climbing up and shimmying down, over and over and over in an act that serves no purpose except to delight people who find delight in incongruous slapstick, a cheap laugh ploy that, of course, works because people love cheap laughs that don’t have anything to do with anything. Alan Cumming is fine, though overly hammy much of the time. But I don’t know what we can ask of them when they are forced to do this absolute nonsense show. Why, why is this considered a great piece of theatre? The only thing I can think of is, it’s about people waiting for the sweet release of death and when you watch it, it’s such torture that the audience feels the yearning for death along with the characters. Is that it, that the show so successfully makes the audience feel what the characters feel so that they too anticipate sweet release from the torment of this show? Is that what he was going for, because if so, man, well done Sammy, what a gottamn masterpiece of pain you’ve created. It’s a f-ing triumph. If he didn’t want us to feel that death was preferable to watching this show for much longer, then I, along with everyone who left, missed something.

INFORMATION

Rough for Theatre II was just under a half hour, which means your interval bathroom break comes when you don’t need it, adding to the whole torture vibe of the evening. Endgame is then an hour and half, which is the exact amount of time it’s safe to watch this show for before one loses one’s mind.

The Old Vic renovation is fine – there’s still not enough room in the lobby (what a mess) but the bathrooms in the basement (where you go if you sit in the stalls, so get an aisle towards the back if you need) are better and bigger. Also, they are not defined by gender, just by whether they contain stalls or urinals, which is how every bathroom should be since it’s great for everyone (except men who need to go #2) (hey that’s what Beckett is with this show!).

STAGE DOOR

Like all Danny Rad shows, people were SPRINTING to the stage door in droves, so I skipped out on adding ‘trampled by horrible crowds’ to the night’s list of agonies. (Also what was I gonna say to them, yeesh.)

A tad too late in the game for reminding English people that they actually approve of (the idea of) some refugees, The Prince of Egypt has arrived in London, packing ‘em in at the Dominion Theatre and taking no prisoners (except the Hebrews). Based on the 1998 DreamWorks movie of the same name, The Prince of Egypt tells the story you know from your babble, of a little Hebrew bebbeh whose mother put him in a basket and sent him down the river instead of keeping him to suffer the slavery and genocide of their people. That baby was discovered by the Queen of Egypt, who adopted him, named him Moses (surprise!), and raised him as her own, until he realized his heritage and decided, with the help of god, to save his people. It’s a fantastic story, and really a phenomenal idea for a musical. So why is this show so lackluster?

Honestly, it feels amateur. It feels like an early draft in terms of book (at least some of that dialogue, yeesh) and, much more so, score, which is a strange feeling to get about material that has existed in large part for more than 20 years. I hate to speak ill of my boy little Stevie Schwartz, composer of some of my favorite scores (like Pippin and Wicked (don’t even try to pretend you don’t also love the Wicked score, no one’s buying your bullshirt)), but aside from the Oscar-winning “When You Believe”, there are few musical numbers that don’t feel pedestrian, despite so many golden opportunities for great songs. And the layout, my god: in Act II, there was a 40-minute span where every. single. song. sounded the same, with the same melody, same key, same time signature. It’s like Musical Theatre 101 to not have songs that sound the same or achieve the same goal in a row, so to have like, 7 of them almost made me scream. It’s a shame that a production this huge and this destined for a long run has such a bland score.

The visuals of this production, however, are fire. I mean that literally – there’s a good amount of pyrotechnics used. This production is dripping with evidence of endless financial backing, and it’s quite a visual treat. The staging, the special effects, that stage lifting up to ‘drown’ the Egyptians (the best part!), it’s all great. Not in an artistic way, mind you, not in a ‘wow this is sophisticated storytelling’ way, but in a ‘wow this spectacle is fun to watch’ way.

That extends to the cast as well. Luke Brady is a strong Moses, tasked with the enormous burden of carrying the show and doing a commendable job. His brother-turned-enemy, Ramses, is played by a solid Liam Tamne who gave me strong Papi from Pose vibes while offering a very very different Ramses from what we’ve seen before from performers like Yul Brynner, much more obviously insecure and uncertain. Christine Allado’s Tzipporah, like most of the women in this male-centric show, was sung well but felt poorly written. Her first big song is a sexy dance in a cage and she’s like ‘when I dance I dance for me’ which could have given Miss Saigon early-first-act vibes but instead reminded me of the Crazy Ex Girlfriend song “Put Yourself First” where the girls satirically sing “make yourself sexy/just for yourself” and I was like, oof. Her character continued to enrage me when she complained about the possibility of having to live in the palace in order to SAVE AN ENTIRE RACE like holy what girl get over yourself oh it’s so sad you have to live like a princess in order to SAVE PEOPLE FROM SLAVERY my absolute goodness. Ramses’s wife Nefertari (which every time I heard it was like like “It’s NeferTITI oh wait no it’s not”) (played by Tanisha Spring) is similarly underwritten as a haughty bench, except she gets to show a softer side  (really any side) with a moving song in Act II that was, unfortunately, too similar to the ones before and after it. I did like Alexia Khadime’s Miriam, possibly because she is only really in it to act like Jasmine in the marketplace pretending to be crazy (except not pretending) and then singing the best song, so, lucky her.

The ensemble is probably the hardest working in London right now, with endless difficult choreography demanded of them. I’m not sure if Sean Cheesman’s (stay fresh, cheese bags) nonstop, energetic, primal choreography is always necessary, but it’s always interesting to watch and feels raw and visceral in a unique way (I almost yelled in pain just watching some of the more intense moves). The talented ensemble may be the most diverse in London too, which is great.

But I’m not sure that huge diverse ensemble includes any Jews (and even if it did, the whole awkward dancing to chanting Hebrew felt strange). And that wouldn’t be the only problem with this show in terms of that representation. This is a show about Jews – not sure if you knew, but Moses, hoo boy, he’s big with us. And this is telling his entire story, from birth to the parting of the Red Sea, like, it’s foundational Judaism right here. But this production, aside from treating ‘Hebrew’ like it’s some exotic fictional designation (and never saying the word Jew), has sanitized the story so it never actually feels like it’s about religion. It really seems like this guy Moses is doing all of this on his own, with very few, too few, mentions of how god is working through him and how god is on the side of the Jews (chosen people helloooo). Also, his guilt about all the shit he’s wrought is sad but he never confronts god about what he’s making him do. Seriously if you didn’t know the story it’s very blink-and-you’ll-miss-when-they-mention-it’s-god’s-doing, when they mention that god wants to save the Jews. Which is weird. Maybe they wanted this to feel like a more universal refugee story, which is valid for today’s society, but there’s a way to do that without making it feel like Jewish erasure.

If you are a discerning theatregoer, you are better off forgetting about Charlton Heston’s crappiness for a bit and rewatching The Ten Commandments film and playing “When You Believe” at the opportune moment, like when I watch Legally Blonde and pause when she sees her name on the list of interns so I can sing “So Much Better” from the musical version. If, instead, you are an average London audience member who loves spectacle, you will love this.

INFORMATION

Act I ended after an hour and 20 minutes, and the show overall ended after 2 hours 45 minutes. Yes it is about 20 minutes too long.

I sat in the stalls, and I recommend sitting on the house left side aisles for easy access to the ladies rooms. There’s one up from the bar at the back on the left, and there’s one if you sit on the extreme left all the way down by the stage, so that’s a fun little secret few people knew about. This theatre is a g-d barn so I can’t say if the right side of the house was set up the same.

Like most things at the Dominion Theatre, the audience behaves like they’re at a rock concert (as most long-running recent productions have been rock concert-ish…or the traveling megachurch services, not even joking). Lots of phones, lots of talking and even at like, regular volume? I had to yell at an old man for nonstop loud talking and he didn’t stop so I had to sit back and stew and hope that corona gets him.

Maybe I’m just spoiled with well done theatres lately, but the Dominion is a mess right now, not really up to par with small hospitality things that every other West End and near-West End theatre does. Like, they have no water pitchers at the bars. If you want water you have to wait in the regular long bar line. What’s up with that nonsense! Also, only one of the stalls doors had a content warning sign (strobe lights, flashing, fire, &c) and I had to go searching for it. And there are no signs for the run time information so you have to find an usher to ask.

Also, programmes are £6. And they aren’t even giant souvenir-edition ones! Just for the regular small programme. PASS (over).