Tal Ronnen's Crossroads: The Best Fancy Vegan Meal In L.A.by Randi / September 20, 2016 (that’s me) (isn’t it great that there are no ads on here) (ads are the worst) (especially those vegan bloggers with ads that they don’t control and it’s like meat products every time you look) (or worse yet videos that start playback automatically) (I will never do that to you) (plz send money)
Hello out there! It has been months since I last blogged, I know. I haven’t gone this long without writing since Raul Esparza lost the Tony for “Company” (still not over it) (never forget). I’ve been stupid busy with work since I last dipped my toes into all the writing I have to do about my California trip. But more than that, I couldn’t mentally spend time writing about happy things during the final months of the election. I had to devote time to making calls for Hillz, arguing with internet trolls (I can’t not), and worrying about what would happen to the world if Toilet Emoji won. But I kept telling myself, on November 9, I’ll be able to finally breathe deep again and shake that weight off my shoulders like I’m TayTay at the discotheque, white-girl dancing away from h8ters.
But, alas, that deep breath never came, my shoulders are hunched protectively towards my ears more than ever, and the small pit in my stomach has become a John Hurt situation. Can we ever relax again? Not for the foreseeable future. I mean I hope you are able to, but I just don’t see it happening if you are fully aware of how destructive Toilet Emoji will be and has already been for our country. Also, not that I want you to be white-knuckling every daily activity from now on, but we can’t ‘relax’ in the sense of accepting any of this – we have to resist. I don’t mean break the law (let’s leave that for Toilet Emoji and his fellow toilet bowls) but we cannot normalize the Toilet administration of white supremacy and disregard for the Constitution and for democracy as anything less than the crazy authoritarian danger that it is. This is not partisan issue. Yeah I’m using a Hillary campaign image as the picture for this post but what the Toilet-Brush Elect is doing to our government should be of concern to all parties. If anyone refuses to be concerned, then they are equally to blame, whether Democrat, Republican, Green, Libertarian pothead, Socialist, whatever. This affects everyone.
As you thinking feeling humans know, the opposition to Toilet Emoji is not based in the ordinary ‘oh my party lost, darn’ style of disappointment. This is not disappointment. This is fear. If you don’t know why, you either live under a rock or only get your fake news from Fox News and Macedonian teenagers. The number and scope of hate crimes is increasing all over the world, not just in Klan strongholds but in progressive cities that we never thought could house such evil, but of course they can. So many despicable and, yes, deplorable people have had their most disgusting viewpoints validated, as TE’s win was indeed a victory for racists, misogynists, anti-semites, homophobes, and all around horrible people the world over, who now believe that their hate has been authorized by the highest office, that their viewpoints are now the law of the land, and that they have TE’s permission to act on their hate. People who doubt the veracity of these hate crime reports are not paying attention, or they don’t want to. The worst of humanity now feels legitimized, and they have the confidence to come out of hiding in every town and city. Of course not everyone who voted for TE is, say, a racist, but at the very least, at the very very least, they were okay with racism. With misogyny and sexual assault. At the very least they weighed the off-chance that they save a few dollars in taxes (why they think this will actually happen is beyond logical thinking humans) as more important than the civil rights, the human rights, of many others. At the very least they are selfish, and without logical reasoning skills. Good thing our education system will improve! Not!
So what do we do, we who care the slightest bit about our fellow humans, or animals, or other countries and the people in them, or the planet? We have to fight in whatever ways we can. Don’t buy piece of shit holiday presents that merely feed the consumerist hamster wheel that is destroying the environment with more plastic shit that destroys oceans. Donate that money to worthwhile organizations. Your relatives hate what you pick out anyway.
If you care about the future of the planet at all, you have to go vegan. You just have to aim for that. Everyone knows by now the incontrovertible fact that animal agriculture is the biggest culprit in climate change. Start by doing what you can, and then keep moving closer towards veganism. The incoming administration has no regard for the planet’s future – they don’t even believe in climate change – and many international environmental safeguards are in danger. Some days I think, you know what, maybe humanity deserves to only have another decade or two left. But it’s not up to me to say that, just like it’s not up to Toilet Emoji, so even though I’m appalled by my fellow humans, I’m still going to do everything I can to protect their future.
If you care about women, you need to speak up when you are in the presence of rape culture. Guess what, if you dare leave your home, you’re probably in the presence of rape culture. It’s so ingrained in our daily conversations and encounters that we don’t even realize that we can call these situations by this seemingly dramatic term. I know, like me, all the females out there are sick and tired of hearing that it’s our job to fight it. And I’m not going to tell you that it is. We can, and we should if we’re strong enough, but it’s high time all the men out there start taking care of this fight since they’re the ones responsible for the problem. I want every male person I know to fight against all the trappings of toxic masculinity and start defending women even when no women are present. Good men will take on this effort when it’s just them hanging with their boys, if Toilet Emoji’s wife was right and ‘locker room talk’ really does happen just anytime men are together. I don’t believe her, but I do believe it happens at least a good deal of the time. I expect any man who isn’t a misogynist to stand up to his friends or colleagues when this bullshit comes out of their mouths. Even if they’re ‘just’ talking about a woman’s body. Even if they are ‘just’ talking shit about women who are ‘unlikable’. This is your job now. Stand up and resist in even the smallest moments and it could help prevent the bigger ones.
If you care about other people, especially you fellow white people who say they care about nonwhite people, we need to really step up our game and prove that maybe we might one day deserve for someone to call us an ally. When you inevitably hear Toilet supporters in the wild harassing people of color, people with headscarves, women, &c, try not to look away or ignore what’s happening. If you feel safe doing so, speak up and tell the perpetrator that what they are doing or saying is not okay and will not be tolerated. It’s such a problem that these pieces of shit feel legitimized in their hateful acts. It’s up to us to inform them that they’re still pieces of shit by taking a stand against normalizing and accepting such actions. Tell the leaders of whatever religious group you belong to that they must instruct the congregation to stand with other religions, to stand with Muslims and Jews and everyone else who is now in danger or not. If a leader of a religious congregation is not willing to take such a stand of solidarity with other religions, then that person is not worthy of being such a leader. Write a letter to your local mosque and tell them that you welcome them into your community and will do what you can to support them. Pretty much every mosque in the USA is getting hate incredibly frightening hate mail on a daily basis; let your letter give them hope in humanity. I am inspired every day by the amazing people in Pantsuit Nation who share their stories of how they stood up to the bigotry they now witness in everyday life. I hope I can follow their lead, and I hope you can too.
If you care about the USA, whatever that means now and whatever it becomes, keep calling your representatives. This is a good place to start. Make 10 minutes worth of calls every day. If you can’t, make 5 minutes of them. One minute. They’re the people whose job it is to prevent the worst from happening. I don’t have high hopes, considering how eager the Republicans have been to kowtow to the Toilet and how eager the all-too-quiet Democrats have been to hold their hair back. But we can’t let them give up. Never get quiet. The same applies to journalists, those who are very much responsible for their share of the damage done by this election. Call out publications who refuse to say ‘white supremacist’ instead of the almost laughably kind ‘alt-right’. Write to the editors and say you will pull your subscription unless they start doing their job, which is to provide a factual check on government, not to appease our new Toilet overlord. Contact the advertisers for those publications and say you won’t support them unless they put pressure on the publication to do a better job. Write letters to editors about how they are failing us when we need them most. And most importantly, support the ones who are actually doing a good job, or at least a relatively good one. This kind of support means a paid subscription. We are at that point when we need to pay for decent journalism if we want decent journalism to exist. The Washington Post isn’t perfect, but it’s doing a much better job than every other main, including the NYTimes. NPR is always an okay bet. The Guardian is doing a decent job. Hold your newspapers accountable.
It really helps to have an action plan. Even if you are just making that one call a day, or even per week, or if you are boycotting certain companies and donating to charities. But we’re past the point where we can just do nothing and hope for the best. We’re all responsible now at this turning point in history. We may not be able to enjoy that deep sigh of relief for many years to come, but day by day I am getting better at breathing around the pit of despair in order to function, and fight, like how Leslie Odom Jr had to sing around the post-meal burp he always had in Act II. I hope that you are as well.
Having finally been able to say a few words, however rambling and stupid, about this utter tragedy, I will now try my best to resume my regular nonsensical but jovial blogging. My resistance will be equal parts fighting and trying to create light. Join me, won’t you?
Related Posts
Celebrate Good(?) Times Come On: Babka for Yom Kippur
My piece!
Yom Kippur, or the Day of Atonement, is the most sacred and important of all the Jewish holidays. You fast from sundown to sundown (so, a day) and pray, repent, atone, and hope that your past sins are forgiven. And then, if you are like 99% of Jews, you and your relatives break the fast with a smoked fish and lox platter from the local Jewish deli. So, to recap what we’ve learned the past few weeks, Rosh Hashanah:apples::Yom Kippur:bagels.
The bagel part is fine, but the huge platter of fish, not so much. I’ll usually make a hummus or two to add to the mix, and some kind of dessert. This year, I decided to up my game in the dessert area and finally make a recipe I’ve literally had saved for 3 years – VeganDad’s chocolate cinnamon babka. I mean, you don’t get any more Jewish than babka. Why haven’t I made this until now, I wondered? Everyone loves a babka! And chocolate and cinnamon combines the best types. Remember when Jerry & Elaine lost the famous chocolate babka?
The bagel part is fine, but the huge platter of fish, not so much. I’ll usually make a hummus or two to add to the mix, and some kind of dessert. This year, I decided to up my game in the dessert area and finally make a recipe I’ve literally had saved for 3 years – VeganDad’s chocolate cinnamon babka. I mean, you don’t get any more Jewish than babka. Why haven’t I made this until now, I wondered? Everyone loves a babka! And chocolate and cinnamon combines the best types. Remember when Jerry & Elaine lost the famous chocolate babka?
Poor customers of that bakery, having to choose between chocolate and cinnamon. As Joey Tribbiani, my usual source of inspiration, would say, “Put those hands together!”* Let’s do it!
Yeahh this yeast is jumping now!
Then I creamed sugar and Earth Balance (which I didn’t really measure; I just spooned it 6 times and figured it was close to 6 tablespoons), added yogurt, vanilla, the yeast, and then the flour. So, the recipe calls for 15 oz. of flour, which is basically 2 cups, right? I had to use nearly 5 cups and it was still sticky. With only 15 oz., it was pretty liquidy. Maybe I did something wrong, we’ll see. This is all very dramatic.
Then I kneaded kneaded kneeeeaded, ‘cleaned’ the mixing bowl, oiled it, and dropped the ball o’ dough in there. It says to let it sit, covered, for 2 hours, but I was out for 4. I returned to find it puffing nicely in the bowl. 
The best stuff on earth
So, next you roll this up length-wise, as tightly as you can. This is where I not only had trouble but didn’t read the instructions properly. I rolled pretty well (it’s a lot of dough here), but then you are supposed to cut it in half length-wise. Like, exposing chocolate. I cut it in half width-wise, creating two little stumpy arms. Oh well, it’ll taste the same (if you close your eyes*) no matter how you do it.
My stumpy twist
|
I strayed from the recipe somewhat, as I am wont to do, so I’ll splain what I did. I started by warming up some almond milk and adding the yeast. (The recipe calls for 2T of instant yeast, but I had only the packets that are like 2 1/4 t or something. Whatever…we’ll see what happens.) But it didn’t get foamy! I was freaking out. Was it because I used almond milk instead of soy, as the directions said? Was it because my milk was unsweetened? Ahhh! Being somewhat yeast-fearing, I threw it out and started again. This time, I used warm water instead. I have only ever testfoamed yeast + water + sugar, so I stuck with what I know, and it properly Hulked out.
Punch punch punch!
Next, I made the filling. You melt chocolate, margarine, and cinnamon together, then spread it on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet and stick it in the fridge till firm. Once it is firm, roll out your dough into a big rectangle, like 2 feet long, a foot and a 1/2 wide, something like that, then place the chocolate layer right on top, in as many pieces as it takes.
Chocolate layer on top of the rolled-out dough
Rolling with the homies
So, because I did it wrong, my roll was short & stout like a teapot. But I kind of preferred it this way. Can you imagine how long it would have been the right way? And this way is more fun to pull apart.
|
So, once you twist it, you let it sit and rise again for like 1.5 hours. I knowww. It’s probably worth it though. Important yeasting action happening. You probably want real directions, huh? (I’ll use what I did.)
|
INGREDIENTS:
Dough:
Filling:
|
DIRECTIONS:
Filling:
|
ASSEMBLY:
Roll out your dough into a rectangle, about 2′ x 1.5′. Place the chocolate layer right on top of the dough, finagling to cover the whole square. Then, tightly roll the dough lengthwise. Then, cut it in half lengthwise – so the chocolate insides are exposed. And then twist the two halves together. Let this twist sit for 1.5 hours on a parchment-covered baking sheet. Then, bake for 25 minutes at 350°.
Yes, I am recommending that you cut it lengthwise, and not stumpily like I did. My outside browned really nicely, but it was still nearly raw inside. So, that’s the whole point of the long skinny cut – easier baking. I mean, when my version puffed up into a freaking cube, I knew the inside couldn’t be cooked.
Roll out your dough into a rectangle, about 2′ x 1.5′. Place the chocolate layer right on top of the dough, finagling to cover the whole square. Then, tightly roll the dough lengthwise. Then, cut it in half lengthwise – so the chocolate insides are exposed. And then twist the two halves together. Let this twist sit for 1.5 hours on a parchment-covered baking sheet. Then, bake for 25 minutes at 350°.
Yes, I am recommending that you cut it lengthwise, and not stumpily like I did. My outside browned really nicely, but it was still nearly raw inside. So, that’s the whole point of the long skinny cut – easier baking. I mean, when my version puffed up into a freaking cube, I knew the inside couldn’t be cooked.
That’s a huge bitch
It’s pretty great looking though. And yeah, it is DELICIOUS. I definitely recommend making it. But you’ll have an easier time if you cut it long-ways, and not how I did. I mean, this thing is never going to be done cooking. It is bigger than me. But it’s yummy!
*Remember, guess the source/comment on the things that are starred and you will be entered into my big MoFo giveaway! Details tomorrow!
From this post: What was Joey referring to when he said ‘Put those hands together’? And what is the source of the lyrics above the stumpy twist picture?
Challenge Accepted: Marshmallow-less Rice Krispie Treats
Welcome to the first installment in my “Challenge Accepted” series, inspired by Barney on “How I Met Your Mother” but having literally nothing to do with the show! Today’s post answers the request of my friend Sari, who asked for a way to make amazing Rice Krispie-like treats without marshmallows. You could sub a vegan marshmallow, such as Dandies or Sweet N’ Sara, into the standard recipe, but a) that gets freal expensive b) that’s not very exciting! So, a treaty crisped rice treat using other ingredients??
Stirring shit into melted chocolate, as I do
One of my favorite things to do, as faithful readers might have realized, is to melt chocolate with a nut butter or Speculoos (or both) and stir shit into it. It’s a foolproof, always delicious, and extremely versatile method of cookery. So, it makes perfect sense to use this as the basis for this creation!
When making Rice Krispie treats, the important thing is to make some kind of glue to hold the cereal together. Melted marshmallows do this very well, we know. But do you know what else can make a great gluey substance? Nut butters melted with liquid sweetener. Once you get this basic aspect down, you can play with it in all kinds of ways depending on what you’re in the mood for, or even just what you have on hand. No brown rice syrup? Agave or maple syrup will work! No cashew butter? Peanut butter, Speculoos, almond butter, hazelnut butter…you pretty much can’t go wrong with substitutes. In fact, I would have gone with cashew butter when making these, but I’m all out, hence today’s treats are peanut buttery. I also decided to make them chocolatey, because when you have the option of chocotizing something, you take it.
This recipe is a rough guide of what I did today, rough because you can really do whatever you want in terms of ingredients and amounts and it’ll probably be delicious. I used a mix of all 3 types of sweeteners, but it will work with just one (though all agave might be too sweet). I was also just using peanut butter, but then halfway through I smacked my head and said “What are you doing!” and added some Speculoos. Because duh.
When making Rice Krispie treats, the important thing is to make some kind of glue to hold the cereal together. Melted marshmallows do this very well, we know. But do you know what else can make a great gluey substance? Nut butters melted with liquid sweetener. Once you get this basic aspect down, you can play with it in all kinds of ways depending on what you’re in the mood for, or even just what you have on hand. No brown rice syrup? Agave or maple syrup will work! No cashew butter? Peanut butter, Speculoos, almond butter, hazelnut butter…you pretty much can’t go wrong with substitutes. In fact, I would have gone with cashew butter when making these, but I’m all out, hence today’s treats are peanut buttery. I also decided to make them chocolatey, because when you have the option of chocotizing something, you take it.
This recipe is a rough guide of what I did today, rough because you can really do whatever you want in terms of ingredients and amounts and it’ll probably be delicious. I used a mix of all 3 types of sweeteners, but it will work with just one (though all agave might be too sweet). I was also just using peanut butter, but then halfway through I smacked my head and said “What are you doing!” and added some Speculoos. Because duh.
Our ingredients
|
MARSHMALLOW-LESS RICE KRISPIE TREATS
Ingredients:
Directions:
|
 See the sugar stream? Fun!  Mix the cereal into the gooeyness |
Still warm; I am a child
If you want a more traditional treat, forego the chocolate and swap cashew butter for the peanut butter, and you’ll have a milder base flavor that is more akin to what you are used it. Next time I have cashew butter on hand, I’ll make it that way. But using peanut butter and chocolate is never a wrong move. I hope you enjoy it no matter what combination of ingredients you use. And now we all can see that marshmallow-less can mean delicious, and not just, sadly, ‘without Marshall “Marshmallow” Errickson’, as I am. Thanks Sari!
