Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, or Four Men Talk and Talk and Talk by Randi / July 1, 2016
Two weeks ago [this originally read ‘Yesterday’ but damn this took a long time to write and also I’m so tired after work how do people do things], London held its annual Just V Show at the Olympia venue in Kensington. You might think the V stood for ‘vegan’ or ‘vegetarian’, especially given some of the pre-show press materials published online from reputable sources (cough *reputable* cough like Fletcher Reed saying ‘honorable’). According to some sources, Just V Show aimed to provide a special event for those who abstain from meat or want to reduce their meat consumption. According to others, Just V was to be a gluten-free show with more awareness than most about other allergens as well. Alas, there were plenty (too plenty) of stalls that were solely actual-meat-based (boo) and plenty of stalls that were definitely not gluten-free, so I think the V stood for…um…verdigris, if nothing else. Maybe Van Gogh. Let’s move on before this all blows up like that Vesuvius, hoo boy.
View from the balcony picture me standing here doing Evita arms (they DID form a V)
Overall, there didn’t seem to be any real thread linking the exhibitors and vendors together. There were the standard vegan VegFest stalls, like Ms. Cupcake, Violife, Follow Your Heart, and endless cereals, bars, and gluten-free products because that’s the same as vegan. Here, there were a great deal more gluten-free exhibitors, including the big grocery chains like Tesco and Sainsbury’s plus well-known bakeries showing off their gf products, corroborating that this was indeed meant to be a gluten-free event and the whole allergen-free show idear. But then there were stalls that were ALL gluten or ALL egg-based things or ALL milkified shiz and like, there was no common thread! Then of course there were the endless quackified health and beauty stalls promising green glowing organs/detoxed water cells/improved oxygen in your toes and what not. Omg there was one selling a gadget to reduce the toxicity absorbed from your cell phone. So really it was a hodgepodge.
However, this hodgepodge was incredibly enjoyable, confusing as it was. Even though the Vegan Society was there (having helped ensure that the event as a whole would be very vegan-friendly), it was not a VegFest, and so the usual suspects of raucous pushers, overeager crowders, and animalistic sample-raiders were missing in their usual overbearing numbers. Halleloos! It made for a much more manageable event, calmer and less intimidating yet just as fun for the rational-minded not-as-pushy cruelty-freers as any VegFest in London has been.
I’ll review my day in sections, starting with the extremes to get those scary things out of the way first.
Section A
I Go to Extremes like Billy: Two Bests and Two Worsts
My Two Faves of all time OF ALL TIME (of all weekend) were WAIT not EVEN of all weekend because I had two bestever HOUSE GUESTS! but definitely faves of this fest and maybe any vegfest kind of thing, actually! were obviously both dessert-oriented, as I am. That was some sentence for your poor brain to follow. So my favorite new company discovered at Just V was Loving Earth Chocolate, a raw organic chocolate company, big in Australia and sure to take over the market here (they are new to the UK). I don’t know how this is raw, because it just tasted like regular non-raw/non-weird hard chocolate. And the texture! Perfection! Nothing like that slimy soft wackadoodleness that lots of raw chocolate resembles. I was so impressed, and that was before we learned from their reps all about how ethical and upstanding this company is. The cocoa is fair trade, and is even on the very reputable, very legit Food Empowerment Project list, which only recommends buying from companies that are fair trade and free from child labor and slavery. Cocoa is a seriously important thing to make sure you buy ethically! Then the Loving Earth reps told us the packaging is even made from vegetable ink to make sure it’s vegan and like, everything they said was just red underlined 100 emoji. So great! All the samples were delicious, thick with the cocoa butter feel and wonderful. My favorite from my home stash has been the caramel, a white-ish bar with the best texture in the entire world (I think it is just pure cocoa butter, possibly. Send more!) Hooray!
I Go to Extremes like Billy: Two Bests and Two Worsts
My Two Faves of all time OF ALL TIME (of all weekend) were WAIT not EVEN of all weekend because I had two bestever HOUSE GUESTS! but definitely faves of this fest and maybe any vegfest kind of thing, actually! were obviously both dessert-oriented, as I am. That was some sentence for your poor brain to follow. So my favorite new company discovered at Just V was Loving Earth Chocolate, a raw organic chocolate company, big in Australia and sure to take over the market here (they are new to the UK). I don’t know how this is raw, because it just tasted like regular non-raw/non-weird hard chocolate. And the texture! Perfection! Nothing like that slimy soft wackadoodleness that lots of raw chocolate resembles. I was so impressed, and that was before we learned from their reps all about how ethical and upstanding this company is. The cocoa is fair trade, and is even on the very reputable, very legit Food Empowerment Project list, which only recommends buying from companies that are fair trade and free from child labor and slavery. Cocoa is a seriously important thing to make sure you buy ethically! Then the Loving Earth reps told us the packaging is even made from vegetable ink to make sure it’s vegan and like, everything they said was just red underlined 100 emoji. So great! All the samples were delicious, thick with the cocoa butter feel and wonderful. My favorite from my home stash has been the caramel, a white-ish bar with the best texture in the entire world (I think it is just pure cocoa butter, possibly. Send more!) Hooray!
|
|
My second favorite was the greatest gluten-free cookie maker since, well, me. Heaven and Hellthy Free-from and vegan cookie company had the most delicious samples of their cookies, which were some of my favorite chocolate chip cookies ever! I really wanted to buy them, but they don’t sell prepared cookies – they sell do-it-yourself kits for baking them at home! They are not only gluten-free but all-allergen-free, made from interesting flours and lovely-sounding ingredients like cocoa. These boxes would be perfect as gifts for gluten-free friends, for those who aren’t great at baking from scratch, for housewarmings (hint hint), and for anyone who likes cookies. I’m not exaggerating, these were SO GOOD. Some of the best gf cookies I’ve ever had, and by far the best cookie sample I’ve had at a VegFest. The boxes retail for $12.95 (remember that is in pounds! which is now pretty much the same as dollars!) so it’s definitely more of a gift idea than a regular kitchen staple. Unless you roll like that, of course, and then by all keeps keep on rolling like that. The rep we spoke to was incredibly informative and kind and helpful, and I hope this company does well. We talked to him for a really long time not because he was pushy or anything (he was wonderful!) but because the longer you talk, the more acceptable it is to keep eating samples until you burst omg they were amazing.
Decent product though
My Two BTs
So those were my bests, how about my bads? Sadly, they both came from companies I like, but their representatives were so off-putting that they stuck out as the worst parts of the day! I mean, really, this shows how great the day was, because these aren’t like, oh I lost a toe levels of bad, but just really annoying experiences. The runnerup winner/loser is a lady from Ruby Bakery. My fest companion bought a thing, and then we asked if we could take pictures, and did. Brash lady came up close and was like yelling, “You’ll put them on instagram right??” and we were like, uhh, maybe. And she said, equally loudly, “What do you take them for if not for instagram!!!” and we were just like…um…first of all please take a step back, second of all, people took pictures for all kinds of reasons before instagram was invented…right?? Right? Am I misremembering what life was like before phone apps? Cameras existed before last year, right? Anyway here is some proof that pictures aren’t only for instagram.
So those were my bests, how about my bads? Sadly, they both came from companies I like, but their representatives were so off-putting that they stuck out as the worst parts of the day! I mean, really, this shows how great the day was, because these aren’t like, oh I lost a toe levels of bad, but just really annoying experiences. The runnerup winner/loser is a lady from Ruby Bakery. My fest companion bought a thing, and then we asked if we could take pictures, and did. Brash lady came up close and was like yelling, “You’ll put them on instagram right??” and we were like, uhh, maybe. And she said, equally loudly, “What do you take them for if not for instagram!!!” and we were just like…um…first of all please take a step back, second of all, people took pictures for all kinds of reasons before instagram was invented…right?? Right? Am I misremembering what life was like before phone apps? Cameras existed before last year, right? Anyway here is some proof that pictures aren’t only for instagram.
First-place winner/loser champion was from a company I like even more, Plamil. One of their reps was tolerable at first, talking to us about some new products, but then it got out of control. He started going off about the history of veganism in the UK and how this company began many years ago, all without even noticing that we were trying to walk away. I was even waiting with chocolate in my hand ready to buy! But instead of letting me give them money, he then started railing about how the Vegan Society got soft and lets companies use their symbol that don’t deserve their recognition, and about how NO OTHER PRODUCTS EXCEPT FOR PLAMIL’S can really EVER be considered vegan because of trace contaminants and we were just standing there for WAY TOO LONG like, Hey Mr. Mansplainer trying to tell two intelligent long-time vegans in their 30s about the RIGHT WAY TO BE VEGAN, can we please step away from you and your overbearing demeanor now please? It was seriously like ten minutes of our time wasted, plus a lot of our mental energy expelled trying to stay polite. I waste too much energy trying to be polite when other people aren’t.
Funnily enough, Plamil, ‘None of that!’ is EXACTLY what I say to you GOOD DAY SIR I SAID GOOD DAY
Section B: The Expected Standards I Simultaneously Take For Granted
& Am Grateful For
& Am Grateful For
lol man on left if you see this thanks for the great face
Whew, that’s enough of all that extremism! Everything in moderation, right, that’s what boring people say. Let’s move on to the basics that are usually at these fests and are usually things I need and want and pretty much know already.
The big, basic (and no don’t mean basic like how the kids are using it these days (me too) like with disdain about how someone isn’t cool enough, I mean like the regular definition of a word in our lexicon) point of a VegFest, for me anyway (and for others given how many stalls are devoted to it), is bar stocking. Not that kind of bar stocking. I mean protein bars, energy bars, granola bars. I had a gay ol’ time stocking up on my work snack bars, my travel bars, my leg day extra protein needed bars, &c. Bars bars bars. Trek, Nakd, and Nature’s Path – the standards – were there, thank goodness. The Nature’s Path rep was the nicest lady and gave us a free granola bar each! Trek and Nakd always have incredible deals at these Fests, and for people like me who buy them retail all the time it’s like Chrimble. And their sample setup is brilliant: the boxes of each flavor are set out on big tables with big bowls of that flavor crumbled up in front of it, so if you like that flavor, you grab the bar behind it to buy. It’s really simple and quite astounding that others haven’t figured out how to run this as well.
|
|
Even more exciting are the newbie bar markers that pop up! I really enjoyed this year’s new entrants into my belleh, like BodyMe. I forget others because I didn’t take pictures (oh no!) but BodyMe’s were good. They taste a little chalky but in a good way, because they aren’t too sweet and they are super full of protein – 16g! They’re also – get this – raw! I don’t understand! The wrapper is also much stronger so you can roll up what you don’t finish. Genius! I hate when I have Clif bar crumbs all over my bag. I’ve been out of Clif bars for months and yet my bags still have crumbs in the bottoms. I hope BodyMe finds me and gives me free stuff. I really like the raw vanilla chia if you are reading this.
You were good I like you give me more please
Another usual suspect for Veg Fests is some kind of bean-based pasta. I’ve tried several and liked them, mostly because it’s like eating beans that look like pasta. Well that’s exactly what they are. However, I’ve had trouble in the past finding good ways to serve them, as they definitely do not make as inconspicuous a switch for regular pasta as, say, whole-wheat pasta does. You can taste the mung bean, is what I’m saying. However, the new-to-me bean et al. pastas from Really Healthy Pasta company are an improvement on what’s out there now. They are much more pasta-like and less manipulated bean toys. I bought three of the five flavors/kinds/scents they make: the golden flax and buckwheat penne, the mung bean fusilli, and the red lentil fusilli. I really liked the golden flax and buckwheat, the one I’ve tried so far in my own kitchen. It really does taste like flax and buckwheat but in a nice, hearty way, not a this is gross what am I eating way. I would love to try their other two kinds – I think they are a black bean and a chickpea base – but they weren’t selling them at the faire. Again, Mr. Company, I’d be happy to have you send me some, please and thank you.
Another fun thing to expect at these things is CEREALLLLL! In all its forms! Dry and milked! That’s all its forms! Especially since we went sooo early in the morning, it was fun to have ‘breakfast’ first by hitting all the cereal samples and seeing what’s new in granola. What is new in granola, you ask? Pretty packaging! (Primrose’s Kitchen) What’s new in wheat-bar-style cereal? Serving it with fruits and chocolate bits and syrups! (Nutribix, great sample table) What’s new in kid’s cereal? Giving me a cup of it! (Thanks Nature’s Path!)
I didn’t ask what the naturopathic stuff was bouting but I mean the boxes are Ithaca |
the nice lady here gave us a huge cup of chocolate cereal balls what a nice lady |
So many toppings! Like an ice cream bar! |
Look ma I got a tattoo! Just kidding #notmyhands #hijojo |
You can also bet on always finding a good vegan pudding or two. And no, I don’t just mean ‘dessert’ like they do here when they say pudding (yes, seriously, like the dessert menu might just say ‘pudding’ at the top even though there isn’t a literal ‘pudding’ on it it’s very confusing but kind of cute and childlike). Two great options stalled it up at Just V: Pudology and Coconut Collaborative. Both gave excellent samples too! I buy Pudology in regular life but will now alternate with the CC because oh man their pudding is gooooood! As for other standard puddings in the British sense of the word, Raw Millionaire Bites are always around, and always seem to be on sale at Whole Foods too! I really like them.
who wants to be a millonare |
Puddin’ |
such a big sample thank you |
SECTION C: THE EXPECTED STANDARDS
I ROLL MY EYES AT EVERY VEGFEST OH NO MY EYES
I ROLL MY EYES AT EVERY VEGFEST OH NO MY EYES
I’ll give em this, they had an excellent trash counter
Now listen, I’m not trying to be a b word. In fact, my totally woke af friends have taught me that I should stop using the b word because it makes me seem not as woke. Side note, these are the first two and the last two times I will ever use the word woke in this newfangled manner. Shit I just blew it. Anyway, let’s talk about the vendors who are always there but they never learn from their mistakes and/or never impress me much and I imagine if I’m not impressed that much that Shania isn’t either and no one wants to leave Shania unimpressed. So the big chain supermarkets like Tesco and Sainsbury’s had huge displays of their free from products out (p.s. that’s what allergen-free stuff is called here, ‘free from’, but mostly what that means in practice across this whole land is that it’s gluten-free because all any businesses care about anymore is gluten-free stuff because that’s where all their money is coming from because people like to jump on bandwagons I blame Goop) but not too much was vegan, unforch. Tesco did have some decent yogurts out but like, these are the companies with more money available to burn that probably all the other vendors combined are worth times eleventy billion so like, do a better job. Companies worth less than what the big guys like roll around in bed in should not outdo them at festivals.
Aside from companies falling short of what they could afford to do, the other eye rolly thing is when companies have bad setups, or no deals, or no samples, or (gasp) a combination of these. Obviously they don’t have to do any of that, but if you’re not trying to sell your product, what are you doing there? If you it’s a product that is already available in every store, why would I buy it and then have to lug it around all day (and unrefrigerated, if that is applicable) if I can get it for the same price tomorrow? That’s a good question Randi oh well thank you. I love love Violife cheese products, and I obviously bought some because I’m not a crazy person, but they didn’t really have any discernible sale going on. And I love this raw chocolate (cacao) product from Pana Raw Chocolate, but they were selling it at the event for I think 10p less than what it sells for in all the natural shoppes. So like, yeah ok but NEXT! Same same for Fry’s Vegetarian products, who are always at all of these fests. It’s a pretty big company, yet their display is always so sad I feel like it should be in the John Lewis Christmas ad(vert). They have like their boxes out on display and like, that’s it. They don’t do samples, which I’ve been told is because it was a madhouse when they did do it, once upon a time. So I can understand not wanting to create a Hamilton stage door sitch. But then again, if all these equally popular if not more popular companies can manage to do it wisely, I’m pretty sure you’re just not trying.
Like watching a Lifetime movie |
I was so full of chocolate I didn’t even have these! |
|
COMEDY HALF HOUR BREAK! |
|
So at this point in the day, I was pretty full of the most random assortment of chocolate, cereal, yogurt, bars, pasta, Linda McCartney beef burgers (too real!), and so much other stuff. You know what I wasn’t full of? LIQUID. This place had no water dispensers or fountains or any kind of system for obtaining water that was free. PRETTY SURE THAT’S ILLEGAL, OLYMPIA. You can bet your bottom dollar I’m going to be contacting them and they’re going to do well nothing about it but FORK THEM. Anyway, because of the venue’s unlawfulness and pretty much torture, I was extra thirsty (I was still drinking water, I’m not crazy, just not at my normal pace). And, I really like weird juices. The weirder, the better. So I was extra prone to being attracted to really weird juices in this thirstier state. And also I was like, I probs need some nutrition amid all this chocolate testing. Enter Big Juice.
I mean it’s a great name
those bushes are food |
|
these bushes are food that I atedrank |
SO. Here we are. I decided to go for three ‘shots’ from the ‘juice’ options listed ‘above’. I went for turmeric, chili and lime, and aloe vera. Yes, these were just pure juiced version of these ingredients. Not mixed with anything else. No fillers, no soothing agents, no mitigating circumstances. The lady who was juicing me was sort-of laughing the entire time at me because I think I was one of the few patrons all day to choose pure turmeric and pure chili pepper juice.
|
this my shit this my shit
A great part of all this is that my fest companion, Jojo, is allergic to chili and all sorts of peppers so she was like, what the ACTUAL HELL is wrong with you? I don’t know, I thought they’d make my insides glow or some b.s. Maybe superpowers. Maybe make my scalp hurt less when I take ponytails out. I DON’T KNOW WHY. What I do know is that this was a painful experience. Really painful. Oh holy crap. The turmeric was pretty gross. Have you ever cooked with turmeric? I do, like every meal. You know how if you use too much it gives your food that weird chalky bitter something’s-wrong taste? This was a tiny cup of that. Next was the chili, and oh man, it was really really really really really really hot. I mean, yes, it was pure juiced cayenne pepper and that’s not something to be taken lightly but MAN ALIVE. The aloe vera was supposed to cool me down after that but it was not nearly enough and I was sobbing both inside and out and my legs started to go spaghetti-like so nice lady gave me some fresh apple juice. I normally poo-poo the addition of apple juice in my green juices because it’s filler and they use too much but oh man this was some damn good lifesaving apple juice.
Here are some action shots, courtesy of Jojo, who I think is still shaking her head at me but who definitely helped keep me from falling when my legs gave out.
Here are some action shots, courtesy of Jojo, who I think is still shaking her head at me but who definitely helped keep me from falling when my legs gave out.
choke that down |
making that emoji face you know which one |
ACT II
Section D: THE BEST SAMPLE
AND THE BEST DISPLAY SET-UP
AND THE BEST DISPLAY SET-UP
Guess what, the winner of these two awards is the SAME COMPANY! Pasta and sauce company Seeds of Change came out of this as a big winner in my book. Not only was their set up INSANELY beautiful, but they also had a delicious sample. It was like an entire side serving of really good spinach pasta (like green pasta, not spinach leaves in the dish) and really good tomato sauce and it was all just really good! Then, they had the NICEST staff members, one of whom invited Jojo and me to go salsa dancing, AND they had big pots at their fence that contained free seeds! Mostly only chili pepper seeds were left by the time we got there, but apparently they had basil and tomato seeds too! And you could take as many as you want! I took so many chili pepper seeds even though a) I was pretty awash with chili and b) our garden is a mess and everything’s dying and oh if anyone reading this wants to come over and help me figure out what to do, please let me know. I make muffins for guests. Anyway, so Seeds of Change is definitely a company I’d like to support. I bought one of their tote bags that for $5 came with a big bag of the spinach pasta and two jars of their great sauce. Pretty good deal!
|
|
SECTION E: BEST AND WORST SALE ITEMS
Ok no judgment but who puts mayonnaise on tortilla chips
Another entry that is actually from the same company – Follow Your Heart! Good job! The best and worst sale items were, respectively, the Vegan Egg: $3 and the Sriracha Mayo: Priceless. Why Priceless? Because it sold out before I could buy any! Wahhhh! So, fake worst. Should have stocked more! Just kidding. Good job selling all that goop. But oh man I was so excited about the Vegan Egg! I got it in London for like 8 or 9 pounds, which is an insane amount of money. So to get it for 3 pounds, which is now like 4 pennies post-Brexit? Amazing! Thanks Follow Your Heart! Even though one of your staffers was kind of a dick to me.
SECTION F: BEST NEW PRODUCTS WITH GOOD SAMPLES
By far, the most exciting aspect of fests like this is to find new (or new-to-me) products! There are always new things popping up, trying to corner this ever growing market, but the quality is all over the place. Luckily, I found a few newbies that I’m eager to find again in my offscreen life. We already mentioned some of my new favorites above in this post, like Loving Earth chocolate, BodyMe bars, Raw Millionaire Bites, and Coconut Collaborative puddings. But there’s more! One new treat that pleasantly surprised me was Frill, an ice cream company that was selling scoops (and giving tasters). They had one that was pretty much a green smoothie, just frozen. It was really impressive given its genetic makeup, but it was much tastier and treatier than my daily green sludge, I can tell you that. The sugary stuff (apple juice, dates, other fruits) come after water and the green veggies on the ingredients list, so that means it really is mostly vegetables. Crazy! It was really good for an ice cream that contained celery! Apparently, it is sold at Waitrose, so I’ll be heading to mine soon to see if it made it to the city.
the brown is chocolate. I forget what the red is. Probably beet juice.
Another company I loved was Naturelly, a jelly/baby food puree pouch like Ella’s but significantly less sweet (score!). I eat a lot of baby food so I’m really excited to have found this stuff (standard required linking when saying something like that) (it’s good to have those pouches on hand during hard long workouts instead of those weird chemical goos). Also, the rep was really nice and they had good samples. Apparently it’s sold in Boots, which is so super easy for everyone in the UK! I’m not sure how much it sells for outside of fest pricing but if it’s comparable to Ella’s, then I’ll be buying again.
The cups were hard to get goop out of though
SECTION G: BEST CELEB SIGHTING – MR BOB REDMILL!
MR BOB REDMILL HIMSELF WAS AT THE BOB’S RED MILL AREA!!!! Woooot! Biggest celebrity you could ask for at this kind of thing! He’s just a sweet old man! Look at him there! I took 19 photos! (I didn’t buy any of his products because they weren’t for sale? Or something weird? I forget what was going on but it was weird. Also expensive.) Anyway, I found this remarkable. Where’s he live? Did Just V Fest fly him out or was he here already? Did he see any shows? Why didn’t he ask me for advice on them! Does he always wear a hat like that? Why didn’t they provide a more comfy chair? So many questions. There was a long line of people waiting for autographs. I wonder if he has a real last name or if I’m right. I hope I’m right.
SECTION H: BEST HAUL FROM A VEGFEST
GET IT H IS FOR HAUL I DIDN’T EVEN PLAN THAT!
GET IT H IS FOR HAUL I DIDN’T EVEN PLAN THAT!
God we finally made it! Did you really read the whole thing? I didn’t even read the whole thing. So here is my final haul! It’s a pretty good one! Some of it was free from the gift bag (that everyone got!), some came free from vendors, and a lot I bought at really good sale prices. And lots of coupons for future fun times! My favorite thing from the free bag has to be that Chocolate Shot syrup, in the spicy orange flavor. You add it to milk (hot or cold works!) and it’s instant hot chocolate or chocolate milk and it’s RG. I guess you can really use it in a lot more ways than that. My favorite purchases I think are the Really Healthy Pastas and of course the Loving Earth chocolate. And the BodyMe bars! I’m almost out, send me some Company! Okay that’s all. When’s the next VegFest?
Related Posts
The Green Roll at Chelsea Market, NYC: Sushi for Sushi Lovers
Before becoming a vegan, I fancied myself a sushi connoisseur. In high school, my brother and I would challenge each other to eat the craziest of the crazy rolls on offer at sushi restaurants. Once I went vegan, I didn’t really expect awesome sushi to be on my radar anymore. And for the first few years, I was right: My sushi travails always led to cucumber roll after cucumber roll after avocado roll after, if I was lucky, cucumber-avocado roll.
But lately, things seem to be changing for the better in the vegan sushi arena. I had the most incredible raw sushi ever in Croatia, and now every time I go to NYC, I get to eat at least once a day at The Green Roll. (Yes, I have gotten both lunch and dinner from here before.) This little sushi counter rivals The Cinnamon Snail truck for the food I’m most guaranteed to eat on my NYC weekends.
The Green Roll counter in Chelsea Market is an outpost of Beyond Sushi restaurant in the East Village. I’ve not been to the sit-down restaurant yet, but I’ve eaten everything on offer at The Green Roll at least twice. The only bad part about the sushi is, it’s so delicious that I rarely wait long enough to take pictures, let alone plate the food.
But lately, things seem to be changing for the better in the vegan sushi arena. I had the most incredible raw sushi ever in Croatia, and now every time I go to NYC, I get to eat at least once a day at The Green Roll. (Yes, I have gotten both lunch and dinner from here before.) This little sushi counter rivals The Cinnamon Snail truck for the food I’m most guaranteed to eat on my NYC weekends.
The Green Roll counter in Chelsea Market is an outpost of Beyond Sushi restaurant in the East Village. I’ve not been to the sit-down restaurant yet, but I’ve eaten everything on offer at The Green Roll at least twice. The only bad part about the sushi is, it’s so delicious that I rarely wait long enough to take pictures, let alone plate the food.
I think this roll is the Spicy Mang, but who knows. It doesn’t even matter what you order. Everything is great and fresh and sometimes spicy and sometimes creamy and just man alive I want some now.
The two individual pieces are the enoki, long-stemmed and tiny-capped white mushrooms that kind of look like sprouts. I’m obsessed with mushrooms, and this fun-looking kind is now one of my favorites. The enoki individual pieces come with a dollop of mushroomy paste on top. As you can see, the extra sauces accompanying the sushi come in little plastic tubes, instead of the always messy little plastic tubs with click-lids that always get all over the place. Suffice it to say, these tubes are ingenious! You just squeeze the thick, creamy sauces out and they don’t spill out when you put them down.
The sauces really are the best part. Pictured above is a spicy mayo, reminiscent of the standard spicy orange mayo that comes with spicy tuna rolls in regular sushi places. But this is so much deeper a flavor, and the quality of all the ingredients comes through even in this simple sauce.
The two individual pieces are the enoki, long-stemmed and tiny-capped white mushrooms that kind of look like sprouts. I’m obsessed with mushrooms, and this fun-looking kind is now one of my favorites. The enoki individual pieces come with a dollop of mushroomy paste on top. As you can see, the extra sauces accompanying the sushi come in little plastic tubes, instead of the always messy little plastic tubs with click-lids that always get all over the place. Suffice it to say, these tubes are ingenious! You just squeeze the thick, creamy sauces out and they don’t spill out when you put them down.
The sauces really are the best part. Pictured above is a spicy mayo, reminiscent of the standard spicy orange mayo that comes with spicy tuna rolls in regular sushi places. But this is so much deeper a flavor, and the quality of all the ingredients comes through even in this simple sauce.
 Individual seaweed piece |
 Spicy Mang roll (I think) |
One of the many great things about The Green Roll is that they offer 7 individual pieces for only $1 each, an affordable way to try a bunch of different things. The seaweed roll, at left, was refreshing and light. I love seaweed so much. This piece came with a thickened kind of dark sauce (in the tube) that was so much more than soy sauce. The piece at right I think is another Spicy Mang, with mango, cucumber, avocado, spicy veggies, and black rice. All I know is that orange-y topping is superb. (My usual restaurant reviews are much more detailed, but 1) this isn’t a restaurant and B) the sushi is too fantastic to allow for the time it takes to photograph or take notes.)
My favorite part of The Green Roll’s menu is the assortment of rice paper wraps. I love rice paper wraps, any kind, anytime, anywhere, but these are beyond anything I can get elsewhere. Pictured is the spicy mushroom filled wrap, with spicy cashews, buckwheat noodles, romaine lettuce, sriracha (so spicy!), and three different kinds of braised, grilled, or spicy mushrooms. The sauce for this wrap is the best one – it’s a thick, creamy mushroom goop that is half raw foodie soup and half Thanksgiving mushroom gravy.
Also on offer are the nutty buddy, full of peanuts, noodles, cilantro, jalapeno peanut butter, tofu and more, and the sweet angel, filled with sweet potato, asparagus, chili flakes, noodles, and alfalfa. All of these wraps are fantastic. Everything at The Green Roll is fantastic. I go to NYC all the time for various reasons, and getting a quick and delicious bite from The Green Roll is now high on my list of reasons.
Also on offer are the nutty buddy, full of peanuts, noodles, cilantro, jalapeno peanut butter, tofu and more, and the sweet angel, filled with sweet potato, asparagus, chili flakes, noodles, and alfalfa. All of these wraps are fantastic. Everything at The Green Roll is fantastic. I go to NYC all the time for various reasons, and getting a quick and delicious bite from The Green Roll is now high on my list of reasons.
No bathroom/water review for this one because it’s a to-go counter! However, you can usually find a table in the main part of the market. Also, be warned that it can take a short while for the few people working to finish your order. It’s fast, but not ‘fast-food’ fast. Just be patient. It’s amazing!
Tal Ronnen’s Crossroads: The Best Fancy Vegan Meal In L.A.
Going into dinner at Crossroads, my first ever meal in Los Angeles, I was wary. I knew of Tal Ronnen, famous celebrity chef behind Oprah’s 21-day vegan challenge and Ellen’s wedding, and I was super psyched to finally eat at his fancy well-known restaurant on Melrose (so I could say “We’re going to Melrose” in Ambular’s voice). But I had heard from several people whose opinions I trust, and none of them agreed on whether the food was disappointing or BRE (best restaurant ever). Either the consistency at Crossroads is just nonexistent or some of my friends have the Sookie-preggers-tastebud-crazytimes, but luckily I guess I went on a good night. No, a great night. A freaking fantastic, fabulous night because this dinner was off the chizzz, people, and despite an absolutely stellar week of eating in L.A. (which will be my next like bajillion posts), Crossroads was the highlight among all highlights.
Now, not everything was perfect. Far from it. The service was nicht so good; we will get to that later. Notably, the lighting was not good for pictures, as you will be able to clearly (or blurrily) see. This is really upsetting because the food is so beautifully plated, but I guess they’re of the old-school belief that food is for eating and not photographing. Amateurs. No it’s not a big deal just a warning so you don’t keep shouting ah my eyes! Also, I was seated so I faced the bar, and there was a semi-famous woman sitting directly in my line of vision and I couldn’t figure out who she was! So that was a bummer! I think some sort of Real Housewife or mob wife or some such person I should probably be glad I can’t name. The group at the table next to us had to have been some sort of band or something. One of the guys was a f-ing slob, wearing like dirty pajamas to this insanely nice restaurant, and he was hairier than if Rob Delaney got turned into a woolly mammoth. Like his hair and his beard were on the table. So gross. And another guy was a dead ringer for Noel Fielding, giant witch’s hat and all. They have to be famouses, right? Or is that just how regulars in L.A. are too?
But the food was epic. So epic that I place Crossroads in the Michelin series I write. No, it doesn’t have a star, but you know what? It was much better than some meals that had even multiple stars attached (and it was more expensive erma p gerd) so I’m tagging it as such. CHANGE APPROVED. Also, Husband and I went with two local friends, so it was one vegan and three omnivores. They were all blown away by every course. Like BUHH LOWN away. I was so happy just for that! Let’s get down to it.
But the food was epic. So epic that I place Crossroads in the Michelin series I write. No, it doesn’t have a star, but you know what? It was much better than some meals that had even multiple stars attached (and it was more expensive erma p gerd) so I’m tagging it as such. CHANGE APPROVED. Also, Husband and I went with two local friends, so it was one vegan and three omnivores. They were all blown away by every course. Like BUHH LOWN away. I was so happy just for that! Let’s get down to it.
Little ball of heaven in the back, some necessary greens on the left
The concept is small plates, tapas style, allegedly coming out as each was ready but we realized that the sequence was actually following the menu order, which made more sense than otherwise. The waitress recommended 4-5 dishes per person, and I think we did 3-4 each (all for sharing) and had trouble finishing the final dishes, so keep that in mind. We started with the Charred Ricotta, served with crostini and apricot thyme glaze. I was never a huge cheese person, like I never cried and pissed and moaned about having to give it up like other prospective vegans do at all times, but this new wave of artisan (meaningless) vegan cheese is extraordinary, and this dish was a prime example of it. I don’t know what it’s made of, but unlike the plain whipped tofu I’ve had at other places who call such an abomination ricotta, this was amazing. I wish I could have this dish delivered to my house every single day, but that would be supes gross after a 12 hour flight. And then customs and stuff? Ugh. I’d still eat it.
Our other small starter was the Watercress and Peach Salad, which was refreshing and must have been pretty good considering I don’t particularly like watercress and I had eaten the peach of my liiife the day before. Oh California produce. The salad was tossed with hazelnuts and a mint vinaigrette, which was happily not minty at all. Strong start.
Our other small starter was the Watercress and Peach Salad, which was refreshing and must have been pretty good considering I don’t particularly like watercress and I had eaten the peach of my liiife the day before. Oh California produce. The salad was tossed with hazelnuts and a mint vinaigrette, which was happily not minty at all. Strong start.
|
I can’t get over how blurry these pics are! This salad is total Blursula! Blahhh. But it was so good. And the ricotta oh man. It had like a protective shell and when you broke through it you were rewarded with the best cheese ever. |
Amazingness
Next up was probably my favorite part of the entire dinner, and I think the dish that most impressed by friends. The Artichoke Oysters were served and eaten like oysters, with the little ball of artichoke puree, yellow tomato bearnaise, and kelp caviar over a grilled oyster mushroom and served on a meaty piece of artichoke heart. Oh my goodness, this is the most impressive thing I’ve eaten in a while. Just the sheer creativity of making something like that, and the genius in executing it perfectly, boggles the mind. I’m just obsessed! In the middle was a scoop of seaweed, my favorite thing, but I didn’t realize it until someone else ate it. And I didn’t even care! That’s how good these oysters were. Holy crap. Next time some asshat tries to have an argument about the whole ‘can’t vegans eat oysters they’re plants right?’ just be like why would you eat enlarged bougers when you could eat artichoke oysters?
the rancho carne toros
You’d think maybe after the life-changing events of the ricotta and the oysters, that the 300 subsequent dishes would be slightly disappointing, but you’d be mistaken. Everything was on such a high level, it felt almost criminal to be enjoying it without being Ellen myself. We tried another salad next, the Grilled Romaine, and although it was very difficult to share (being a wedge salad), it was my favorite salad. The grilled lettuce heart was smothered in harissa ranch dressing. I’m not a fan of ranch dressing, never was, even though I went to a college where people put that shit on their pizza. But this ranch dressing in this salad? I’m a convert. Well at least to Crossroads’ ranch. The salad was topped with pickled shallots, heirloom cherry tomatoes, and black olives, all of which nicely cut the heaviness of hot lettuce and ranch dressing. Such a wonderful combination!
Such a good dish for sharing, unless you are eating with me, because I will eat all the damn bread.
Speaking of pizza, the pizza section on the Crossroads menu was really difficult to pass up, but we had a feeling that their fancier-seeming dishes were the heavy-hitters, and we were right. Next we had the basic but delicious Lentil Flatbread, a wonderfully earthy and warm pita-like bread served with little dishes of marinated eggplant, braised banana pepper, and mushroom relish. I honestly couldn’t tell which vegetable was in which pot (I mean by color sure but you know what i mean), but it was all great.
could eat 100
The “Crab Cakes” (their quotes, not mine) were equally good while being a more familiar taste at similarly adventurous vegan restaurants. They were topped with the daintiest amount of tartar sauce and watercress. While the cake itself was really fantastic (I’m guessing hearts of palm? but it doesn’t say in the menu), it needed a lot more of the sauce. I guess we could have asked for some but they’re small bites so you don’t really realize it until after you’ve finished.
We also probably wouldn’t have asked because our initially-fine waitress became the Mona-Lisa-Saperstein WORRRRRRST seriously the worst. At one point, she tried to remove my friend’s wine glass, even though it still had a few sips in in. My friend said she wasn’t done with that yet, and the waitress put it down. But I guess she had been worn down by a terrible audition earlier in the day (probs all actors right?) and so this benign comment instead hit her as criticism of her performance in her day job and at the thought of her being a failure at that too she absolutely shattered, and was a total b word to us the rest of the time. I mean that’s just me guessing but I’m probably right. She rushed us from then on, couldn’t wait to get rid of us so would idle nearby waiting for us to finish a plate so she could quickly snatch it away. Like this was a busy restaurant with lots to do, but she would just watch us, ignoring her other tables, and look perturbed. What a terribleness.
hidden not-really-a-joke was because of ray romano you get it
Luckily, her inability to keep it together did not affect our enjoyment of our meal. No, we’re not done. Next was Grilled Romano Beans, which I’ve never heard of before but everybody likes them right so we ordered them. They were really good, still in their pods and barbecued with balsamic peaches, marcona almonds (those are the fancy almonds right), and black garlic chili vinaigrette. So damn good! That’s a lot of flavors going on but beans are pretty basic on their own so it was all working.
Next was a dish I know all my friends in England are throwing tomatoes at their screens over – the Grilled Fresh Baby Corn. People here just don’t do baby corn, what I can tell you? I can take it or leave it but this dish? I’ll take. I bet it could even turn the naysayers onto baby corn, it was RG. Harissa-spiced, mixed with crispy shallots and corn puree, this dish was so worth ordering, even though when my friend first ordered it I was like “you’re wasting a space on baby corn? why would you waste a space on baby corn?” but it was a good decision.
Our first of the Comforting Classics, as they’re called, was the dish most recommended to me – the Chickpea Cake. It’s a good deal heartier than the smaller plates, and so actually makes this very expensive food seem like a better value. The chickpea patty is served with porcini mushrooms, red spring onions, and sherry demi cream. I don’t know what makes cream ‘demi’ but I really enjoyed the chickpea cake and was glad I followed everyone’s advice. It seems like an entree you’d get at a nice comforting vegan restaurant, or maybe make yourself if you have a lot of time one night. Very solid and delicious.
Onto the last of our Comforting Classics, and the last of our savory dishes (I totally forgot to take pictures of some things in the ruckus of this amazing meal! sorry not sorry! Add like 4-5 other dishes and you’ll get a sense of how much food we ate!). The Scaloppini Milanese was so amazing. It could have easily been a hunk of Gardein or something at a lesser restaurant, but this patty, whatever it was, was incredible, with the perfect texture. The telltale syruppy but thin Milanese sauce took it to the next level, and like everything else here, was wonderful.
On to dessert!!! We were so full that we couldn’t even finish some of the above dishes, but we had to get dessert. I was actually in a place that would give me something other that fruit sorbet and fruit; of course I’m getting dessert! We decided to split two among the four of us, starting with the Peach Upside Down Cake. Proving that their pastry chef is as talented as the head chef, this wonderful cake was warm and full of deep brown sugar. The roasted peaches were just as good as all the other peaches we ate all night and all week (the best peaches in this state!) and complemented by the lemon cornmeal of the cake. The best part was the brown sugar ice cream it was served with, not that it was better than the cake but just because ice cream is my favorite. As such, the dessert I got to choose was the famous Hot Fudge Sundae, which yeah I could make and yeah I could have elsewhere but shush, it was awesome. The vanilla bean ice cream was served on top of a warm brownie (le sigh), mixed with banana fudge, whatever that amazingness is, and topped with hazelnuts and coconut whipped cream. Best sundae ever, yes.
Cake & ice cream! |
Ice cream sundaeee! |
Overall, this was an epic, spectacular meal, definitely one of my favorites ever. It was stupid expensive, but compared to similar restaurants, I think the value was so high that it was well worth it.
Crossroads, Los Angeles, California, US&A
Water speed: Decent. There were a few times when we had to flag people down, but overall it was okay.
Service: What a weird issue! The waitress was a total eggshell plaintiff or something. She just didn’t like us and make it hella obvious. Boo urns.
Bathrooms: I felt like I was in an episode of Gossip Girl when I went to the bathroom. They are small, with two stalls separated by the sink area, and blonde wannabe starlets apparently congregate in the sink area to fix their hair while I try to wash my hands. Their conversation was so hilariously stereotypical of everything L.A. I almost thought it was Improv Everywhere or something.
Food: Incredible! Not one bad note. One of the best meals ever.
Bonus: The atmosphere can’t help but be great, considering the location and the notoriety. Usually more famous people are there than were on my night, but even so, the food is so superb that I didn’t even care that it was apparently the one night of the year that Russell Simmons wasn’t there.
