Tony Toni Tone: It's the Day of the Tony Awards!by Randi / June 12, 2016
Happy Pride Yall!
Oh herro! It’s been a while but guess what, I still haven’t finished season 2 of UKS! I spent a few weeks playing with my babiss (Helena voice) instead and ain’t nobody got time for television when you’re playing with the cutest puppy and cutest human in the whole world yes you are! And then we moved! And then people in the UK decided they hated the world and themselves and voted to destroy everything! Burn it all down! So there’s been a lot going on!
Before I was recapping just 2 episodes at a time, but ugh that would literallyyyy take foreverrrr? (Dong’s Kardashian voice!) and you all finished watching anywayyyyy so here’s like 5 and I just wanna share my favorite parts. So really this is a listicle, Buzzfeed a-hat style, of fun things instead because I just want to get this done with already Kimbecile! So really, think of this instead as is my imitation of a Buzzfeed piece! Enjoy!
Before I was recapping just 2 episodes at a time, but ugh that would literallyyyy take foreverrrr? (Dong’s Kardashian voice!) and you all finished watching anywayyyyy so here’s like 5 and I just wanna share my favorite parts. So really this is a listicle, Buzzfeed a-hat style, of fun things instead because I just want to get this done with already Kimbecile! So really, think of this instead as is my imitation of a Buzzfeed piece! Enjoy!
Episode 5: Kimmy Gives Up!
My prize for absolute winner of episode goes to Kimmy’s cold-open interaction with the staff member at the school she takes her GED class:
Kimmy: “That’s Dong Wen! We were basically the Roz & Frasier of our class. But not sexy like that, just, ya know, cool.”
Woman: “Yeah I get it. I kinda have a Kyle & Maxine thing with my boss. Oh you don’t know ‘Living Single’? But I’m supposed to know everything about ‘Frasier’?”
I was crying.
Jane’s (can I just call her Jane, Jacqueline takes too long to type; I’ll probably alternate) fake moving box labels were amazing: Silver, Crystal, Grand Piano. In this episode, Jacqueline was lent a gown for a benefit by Karl Lagerfeld, from that asshat’s designer line called ‘Crottes des Nez’. That might seem like a whatever line, unless you know French, like I do. No I used google because I knew it had to be something good. Guess what, it means boogers! Tee hee! Karl Lagerfeld is a booger maker! And a big booger himself! (He’s on my list.)
Buckley’s school was cancelled for Rupert Murdoch’s birthday, and Jacqueline of course can’t afford help (and Kimmy turned out to be just another one of Buckley’s drawings on the wall), so Jacqueline has to watch her own son for an entire day. Perish the thought! She thinks she is up to the challenge but very quickly learns she isn’t. His doctor gives her Dyziplen, the coolest new trend in rich people drugging their kids so they don’t have to parent. Buckley and all the other kids on the playground turn into quiet, sullen robots, to Jacqueline’s delight…at least at first.
Doctor: Your son’s in good physical health…But in terms of behavioral development Buckley could benefit from a little discipline.
Jane: Ohh…
Doctor: Don’t worry, I’m not talking about actual parenting. I know how busy we all are. I’m talking about medication.
This was all worth it for when Jacqueline started Dyziplen-ing out at the fitting, seeing all the Booger clothes as boring gray stuff. “What’s happening…my brain…it’s Talbotsing!”
Dong was around, I don’t remember really why, but I remember this burn on white travelers: “I don’t want to go back to Vietnam, Kimmy. It’s full of baby-boomer tourists trying to feel something!”
Kimmy’s best line was of course her list of favorite jams: “Giving up is not my jam. My jams are grape, jock, and space!” Even Questlove tweeted this one out! Instant classic!
But the episode fully belonged to Titus (I mean as usual). It started with his perfectly deadpan response to Kimmy’s nonsense:
Kimmy: “Without blue, my entire scrunchie rotation is off. I mean, I can’t wear a green scrunchie on Thursday! Everyone will think I’m horny!”
Titus: “That’s true. I will.”
From there he only got better and better, as the show combined its two best aspects into the most enjoyable combination: Titus being nuts, and the ridiculously crazy original songs. Titus was so happy that he sang songs from failed (really failed) musicals. When Lillian called him out on it, he responded in true Titus form that I have been singing for weeks now:
I’m just an ordinary gay! Cry face emoji!
And here’s his rendition of the hysterically awful song from “Feels like Love”.
You might not have noticed but the voice of Daddy in the recording played in a different scene was Jefferson Mays! “You’re My baby Now” was the creepiest song ever made while retaining a feel-good vibe and jolly rhythm!
Last but not least, this season’s most improved character Lillian had my favorite passage: “I know you haven’t been studying because I found your GED books coated with a day’s worth of asbestos. What are you doing? Also try not to breathe in here too much from now on and before.”
Last but not least, this season’s most improved character Lillian had my favorite passage: “I know you haven’t been studying because I found your GED books coated with a day’s worth of asbestos. What are you doing? Also try not to breathe in here too much from now on and before.”
Episode 6: Kimmy Drives a Car!
Oh man this episode was JOY, except ughhh Fred Armisen is back. Stop putting him in all my shows for no good reason! Titus and Lillian decide to put the apartment on AirBnB – “so it’s like a sleepover but with strangers?…AND THEY PAY YOU??” Their first guests are Shosh (Zosia Mamet) and her boyfriend, hipsters to end all hipsters who, to Lillian’s horror, would contribute to the gentrification of their hood. But oh that horror leads to comic gold. She asks boyfriend some questions, like what he does for work (which is a word they don’t believe in, but they design artisan sneakers), and when he decided to grow his super hipster mustache, to which he responded, “I saw Michael Cera had one and I was like, I’m in.” Lillian’s response was to scream the following, which is my favorite thing poss ever:
The best!! Lillian had her best episode ever, with all of her lines being quotable, which is what I’m gonna do.
“You think I’m crazy just because they named that disorder after me. But this time I’m right.”
Lillian: “We already have a way to get sneakers around here – we wait till they fall off the telephone wire.”
Titus: “And they want to open Sole Food in an old soul food restaurant? Like how the first Hooters was opened in an old mammagram center?”
Lillian: “It’s not gross to me. And it wasn’t gross to my late husband, Roland.”
Titus: “Well until recently I couldn’t even have a dead husband so hashtag, respect my journey.”
Kenan Thompson as Lillian’s husband Roland was the best casting! I want more Roland and Lillian flashbacks. Especially if it’s to the exclusion of Armisen. One SNL alum at a time.
The dynamic duo outsmarted the hipster duo into leaving their neighborhood by out hipstering them, making them think the neighborhood had already become too hip and that they were too late. Titus as the hipster was genius! He is so wise. His get-up as the bouncer to the secret club was too much!
“You think I’m crazy just because they named that disorder after me. But this time I’m right.”
Lillian: “We already have a way to get sneakers around here – we wait till they fall off the telephone wire.”
Titus: “And they want to open Sole Food in an old soul food restaurant? Like how the first Hooters was opened in an old mammagram center?”
Lillian: “It’s not gross to me. And it wasn’t gross to my late husband, Roland.”
Titus: “Well until recently I couldn’t even have a dead husband so hashtag, respect my journey.”
Kenan Thompson as Lillian’s husband Roland was the best casting! I want more Roland and Lillian flashbacks. Especially if it’s to the exclusion of Armisen. One SNL alum at a time.
The dynamic duo outsmarted the hipster duo into leaving their neighborhood by out hipstering them, making them think the neighborhood had already become too hip and that they were too late. Titus as the hipster was genius! He is so wise. His get-up as the bouncer to the secret club was too much!
Other great lines:
Kimmy: “If I find a job in the classifieds, am I allowed to tell anyone?” Amazing! Why is it called that! Seriously!
Titus: “Things change! I don’t look anything like I did when I was a baby!…Ok, bad example.” Get it because he looks like a baby.
Titus: “What’s scary about leatherbound books? Just a bunch of cows and trees that won’t rest until we pay for what we’ve done to them!!!”
Jacqueline: “And now I’m standing on a street named after a…rapper, I guess.”
Camera cuts to Malcolm X Blvd.
Kimmy: “For your information, Malcolm the 10th was a black pope.”
Kimmy recommending a dentist to Jane: “He does walk-ins and his bus ads make it very clear that he does not snitch.”
Jane: “I get making people wait for a kidney, but this is something people can see! The mouth is the eyes of the lower face!”
Jane’s whole dental debacle was pretty wonderful, for jokes and for character growth. Her temporary fix of a Mento stuck to her tooth paid off in spades when it fell into the receptionist’s Coke and the whole thing erupted like the biggest volcano in the world all over the dentist’s office. And I loved that they ended the episode with a Mentos commercial where they couldn’t actually say the word Mentos. A+ episode, with the second plus that I gave it subtracted because Armisen. (Every time I say his name I shake my fist in the air so picture that.)
Episode 7: Kimmy Walks Into a Bar!
Mimi Kanassis is back!! And making jokes about the British! Hoorah! Jane and Mimi were planning Jane’s big comeback benefit gala, with Mimi in charge of invitations – “I spelled honour with a ‘u’ like they do in England!” My UK iPhone does that. It is annoying because it keeps autocorrecting my more efficient spelling and I hate it. It changes my z’s to s’s too AND, because it was programmed by Borat, adds ‘not’ to the ends of lots of sentences. That one I don’t even get I think I’m being punked.
Anyway, this one focused a lot on Jacqueline, Mimi, and our favorite socialite since Celerie Kemble (I used to read the Vogue society section), Deirdre Robespierre, as they embarked upon gala season.
Deirdre: “And I know it just started, but I am already so exhausted by gala season!”
Jacqueline: “Tell me about it! Did you know that poor people don’t even have to do gala season?”
Deirdre: “What?! They just skip it?! Then why do they look so tired all the time?”
Besides Deirdre, the best was that Mimi f-ed up the invitations by trying to do the date the British way – day then month then year, so instead of today being 6.26.16 it would be 26.6.26 IT’S THE WORST and I’m really glad Kimmy Schmidt brought attention to how disastrous this English trickery can be. ENGLISH TRICKERY ABOUNDS. Unfortunately, the actual gala date wasn’t as obvious as today’s date is (because there is no 26th month in our calendar do you get it), and their 10.11 instead of 11.10 was easily confused. Damn the English and their stupid stupid decisions.
Mimi did make one incredible decision though – taking care of the musical guest, Sia, herself.
Anyway, this one focused a lot on Jacqueline, Mimi, and our favorite socialite since Celerie Kemble (I used to read the Vogue society section), Deirdre Robespierre, as they embarked upon gala season.
Deirdre: “And I know it just started, but I am already so exhausted by gala season!”
Jacqueline: “Tell me about it! Did you know that poor people don’t even have to do gala season?”
Deirdre: “What?! They just skip it?! Then why do they look so tired all the time?”
Besides Deirdre, the best was that Mimi f-ed up the invitations by trying to do the date the British way – day then month then year, so instead of today being 6.26.16 it would be 26.6.26 IT’S THE WORST and I’m really glad Kimmy Schmidt brought attention to how disastrous this English trickery can be. ENGLISH TRICKERY ABOUNDS. Unfortunately, the actual gala date wasn’t as obvious as today’s date is (because there is no 26th month in our calendar do you get it), and their 10.11 instead of 11.10 was easily confused. Damn the English and their stupid stupid decisions.
Mimi did make one incredible decision though – taking care of the musical guest, Sia, herself.
It was sad that their last-minute gala failed because the guests were all awful white 1%ers who don’t care about anyone else. The episode ended on a really sad note! But I love that Deirdre is just dark knighting Jacqueline this whole time and is indeed as insane as the joker, needing an equal worthy of the fight to be a lasting archrival. Genius. I need Jane to be back at her former level too. It’s weird feeling sorry for her ever. She is slowly getting back there though.
Jane: “And as soon as I stopped making those jokes, he did leave her! Men find funny women disgusting.”
In other stories, Titus and Mikey are freaking adorable and I hope they stay happy. I loved when they were trying to act bro-ish with the guys from the construction site and they all go “Sup…sup” and Titus goes “soup”. And nothing beats when Titus said to Mikey, “I saw how you were with the other contraption workers.” !!
Titus and Kimmy’s best interaction:
Titus: “Kimbecile what do I always say?”
Kimmy: “Don’t touch my dolls, they’re strictly look-upons?”
Titus: “Not that.”
The best thing by far though was the quick shot showing Pizza Rat Boulevard! He deserves it.
Episode 8: Kimmy Goes to a Hotel
We open where the season started – at Kimmy’s Christmas party! The one that asked us so many questions and then never returned to answer them, until now. Mimi Kanassis is there for some reason, Sonia barges in through the window to accuse Kimmy of stealing her husband, and Jacqueline is upset because the painting she spent all her money on needs to be returned to the descendants of the Jewish family the Nazis stole it from. Two of these lead to storylines. As far as I can remember, Mimi just slept on the couch the whole time. Mimi is wise.
First of all, the not so fun one. So Jacqueline’s $11.5 million painting, in addition to being the one thing shoring up Jacqueline’s claim to social status, is the subject of a legal battle. “The Jews are stealing my painting!” is Jacqueline’s take on it, but really it’s the kind of reparations we’ve heard about in real life. Kind of an odd choice for this show to include such a serious, awkward topic just to provide Jacqueline with the opportunity for some small growth.
Then Kimmy & Dong went to an abandoned hotel and had a fun time, but really it made me feel awkward. It was all awkward. I know we’re supposed to root for them but it was just too weird, this whole thing and really the whole episode. The only things that stuck with me were amazing Mikey & Titus interactions and obviously a reference to Hams.
First of all, the not so fun one. So Jacqueline’s $11.5 million painting, in addition to being the one thing shoring up Jacqueline’s claim to social status, is the subject of a legal battle. “The Jews are stealing my painting!” is Jacqueline’s take on it, but really it’s the kind of reparations we’ve heard about in real life. Kind of an odd choice for this show to include such a serious, awkward topic just to provide Jacqueline with the opportunity for some small growth.
Then Kimmy & Dong went to an abandoned hotel and had a fun time, but really it made me feel awkward. It was all awkward. I know we’re supposed to root for them but it was just too weird, this whole thing and really the whole episode. The only things that stuck with me were amazing Mikey & Titus interactions and obviously a reference to Hams.
Bests
Mikey as Santa: “I can’t kiss you! I’m married, and Mrs. Claus is a beautiful and very sexual woman.”
Titus: “Where was all this acting commitment when I asked you to say it was my birthday at Baskin Robbins?!”
THAT IS ME I always want to say it’s my bday for free stuff!!
Titus: “You’re the worst actor since Cate Blanchett.”
Mikey: “What? She’s great!”
Titus: “IS she? Or is she just tall.”
OMG YESSSS! This is so ridiculous that it makes it seem true! I love how Titus doesn’t even ask, he states that last part because he knows it’s so true. I mean it’s not true, but it really makes you think about it.
Loved the part about the callback for Hamilton!
If I can rap and walk quickly in a circle, can I be in “Hamilton”?
Joshua Jackson in the convenience store and Kimmy yelling condoms suuuper awkwardly were hilarious bits! That’s the part that redeemed their whole storyline, sort of. But nothing upon nothing beats the crew singing Christmas carols and including this gem: “Come on let’s order pizza, come on let’s order pizza” is a much better lyric than ‘oh come let us adore him’. Oh my god when writing this I just sang it out loud and husband thought I sang “Come on let’s murder people” and is freaking out and I had no idea why because I’m just sitting here singing about pizza.
Episode 9: Kimmy Meets a Drunk Lady
Well, Titus has quit his job at the Jekyll & Hyde place, and his unemployment has led a bit of cabin fever that includes lots and lots of doll hair-styling. In this listless state of his, he complains to Kimmy, “SO FAR NO ONE’S OFFERED ME ANY AMAZING JOBS IN THIS APARTMENT.” Perfection.
So the drunk lady in the title is Tina Fey in a role A BAJILLION TIMES BETTER than the lawyer of the first season. It’s not even right to make a comparison. It’s like apples and hepatitis. Tina plays a therapist who gets super drizzunk at night to the point where she is sort of a whole different person, and her day and night selves hate each other. Kimmy picks up Drunk Night Tina in her job as an Uber driver, which is a brilliant development and way for someone to use Jacqueline’s stolen cop car (painted black). Kimmy complains to her a little about her roommate trouble and gets some good advice from Tina about how to handle it.
Tina: “You need to go home and tells him, what’s his name? Titties? You say, Titties, I value my needs and I needs to take a shower.”
Tina’s line when Kimmy drops her off made me pause and cackle. It’s the best line in years and I have used it about 97 times since hearing it, including in parking lots and in my She LOVES ME review.
So the drunk lady in the title is Tina Fey in a role A BAJILLION TIMES BETTER than the lawyer of the first season. It’s not even right to make a comparison. It’s like apples and hepatitis. Tina plays a therapist who gets super drizzunk at night to the point where she is sort of a whole different person, and her day and night selves hate each other. Kimmy picks up Drunk Night Tina in her job as an Uber driver, which is a brilliant development and way for someone to use Jacqueline’s stolen cop car (painted black). Kimmy complains to her a little about her roommate trouble and gets some good advice from Tina about how to handle it.
Tina: “You need to go home and tells him, what’s his name? Titties? You say, Titties, I value my needs and I needs to take a shower.”
Tina’s line when Kimmy drops her off made me pause and cackle. It’s the best line in years and I have used it about 97 times since hearing it, including in parking lots and in my She LOVES ME review.
The storyline got really annoying when they broke into a stranger’s house to steal a dog. Tina writes herself into shit and then gets stuck in it too often on this show and it’s so annoying! But overall her role is a great move. I’m excited to see what happens in their therapy sessions.
One quick thing in this episode that I found absolutely brilliant was Titus taking off his earrings and putting his hair up (no earrings and no hair), prepping to fight.
One quick thing in this episode that I found absolutely brilliant was Titus taking off his earrings and putting his hair up (no earrings and no hair), prepping to fight.
But nothing beats the Billy on the Street cameo, repeating the question about whether Cate Blanchett is good or just tall! THE BEST. I love Billy!
Kimmy’s best line: “I can help get that vodka monkey off your back…and into a tuxedo, the way monkeys look best!”
THE END FOR NOW. Did you think you were reading Buzzfeed?! I bet. Except there were words in addition to pictures.
Kimmy’s best line: “I can help get that vodka monkey off your back…and into a tuxedo, the way monkeys look best!”
THE END FOR NOW. Did you think you were reading Buzzfeed?! I bet. Except there were words in addition to pictures.
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Not a Fando of this Orlando at the Garrick Theatre
After just watching Emma Corrin in Netflix’s new adaptation of Naked Chattering with My Sturdy Lover or whatever it’s called, I was very excited to see what this likable performer can do onstage and maybe with more clothes on. (No I still haven’t watched The Crown, I’m bored thinking about it.) But despite all the glowing reviews from everyone else about Orlando at the West End’s Garrick Theatre, I found it quite the disappointment, especially compared to the book or to the superior movie with Tilda Swinton. The tone was hard to pin down, and more pressingly, it felt chaotic in its energy. More than anything, watching this show felt like reading a book by reading a few sentences every 50 pages.
This adaptation of Virginia Woolf’s beloved novel feels like the creatives were trying to erase the magic that theatre could have so ingeniously enhanced. Theatre’s unique potential to show the wonder and intrigue and joy of this story — of a young man in Elizabethan times who falls asleep for 100 years and then becomes an ambassador to Constantinople but then falls asleep again and wakes up a woman and then lives for centuries more but doesn’t really age and has a gay old time dressing as both men and women and having all kinds of lovers and then getting married for like a day and so on — felt kind of squandered in an attempt to pare the story down to bare bones. But this story doesn’t really have bones — its magical flowery surrealism is its essence! So paring it down — and at 90 minutes or less, it really is unnecessarily pared down — feels like the wrong move.
It felt like they were trying to ground (or really, ground down) the surrealist aspect of the story (and isn’t it all surreal??!!) instead of letting it fly and having the magic of theatre smooth the rough edges and augment the ambiguity in a great way. Instead, all the rough edges seemed to be highlighted. Like the fact that Orlando keeps falling asleep and waking up in new centuries even though his nursemaid is alive and the same age feels forking weird, instead of being another lovely thing to let color the mood and shape of the piece. Sure the nurse is the funniest part of the show but even that feels like a random insertion when compared to the rest of the cast and happenings.
The attempts at sincerity, especially at the end trying to show Orlando’s feelings for her new husband, feel incredibly unearned and false since nothing was given the chance to feel earned. Everything felt quick, random, chaotic. The pointed proclamations made about gender and living freely etc thus also feel unearned, even though they were disappointingly weak and bare to begin with. So overall it just felt like a missed opportunity, focusing too much on the meta-story of the 8 or so Virginias Woolf writing the story as it was shown to us (even that felt half-assed) and not enough on letting the story breathe fully in its gloriousness so it could have the strength to say something worthwhile.
INFORMATION
Run time: 90 minutes.
Orlando is playing at the Garrick until February 25. The Garrick is an old for the earth theatre and I keep forgetting that the circle is better than the stalls, but for this short show the stalls weren’t so bad. Just remember that the ladies toilies are upstairs. And old. For the earth.
The pillars that restrict views in the stalls aren’t really that bad, so it’s worth saving a few pounds.
Mask count: two, me and husbo. Everyone else was coughing freely. Humans are gross.
Rachel Bloom Live in London: The Most Hilarious, Joyous, Loving Show in Town
Last night, Rachel Bloom, creator and star of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, the greatest television musical/show/lifeforce/raison d’etre/new bar for excellence in any field made her London debut (a phrase about performance firsts that is commonly used in theatre but it sounds like I’m talking about debutantes and I feel like she would love that).
Bloom is in town for only two performances at the Palladium, an enormous theatre by Oxford Circus where I’ve seen, off the top of my head, both the transfer of the 2015 Broadway revival of The King and I, starring Kelli O’Hara, AND Whose Line is it Anyway: Live, a forking confusing list of past residents. Since CXG said goodbye, Bloom and her incredible cast have done the opposite of what most entertainers do when their jobs end: they’ve doubled down on working hard for their insanely adoring fans, just live instead of on TV. With the post-finale live show (on Netflix for people who don’t know, which like how do you live), sold-out shows at freaking Radio City Musical Hall and more, Bloom and the cast have been performing the genius, hilarious, wonderful songs from the beloved show, proving that they’re somehow even more talented live and that they have the best, most dedicated, most adoring fans ever. Finally, Bloom came to London, but without the rest of the cast. Or so we were told.
A mostly solo Rachel Bloom show was still a must-see, especially since she was bringing along co-writer and musical genius Adam Schlesinger on the piano (with local musicians on bass and drums) and Emmy-winning choreographer (representing all the show’s deserved Emmy wins) Kat Burns. She promised a few special surprise guests, who I assumed would be British performers, because I like making an ass out of you and me, I guess. I could not have been more wrong or more excited – I literally jumped out of my seat screaming like a forking lunatic fangirl (which I guess this means I am?) when Rachel tried to kill me by bringing out PETE GARDNER and SCOTT MICHAEL FOSTER. The surprise and excitement at either one of them would have been enough to kill me so with both of them I was killed twice which means the murders get negated and I am fine now, if still amped up on adrenaline and dealing with the subsequent nausea that it causes (it’s a true thing; I googled it at 4am).
The most incredible part, well besides seeing these performers that I love singing literally my favorite songs, was this audience. Rachel seemed genuinely moved at how devoted this immense crowd of fans was. The cheering was unlike anything I’ve ever heard – louder than any sports game I’ve been to (she did say, after making a joke about the big football match over the weekend, “oh no this is my first audience that watches sports!”), louder than any concert, and about 10 times the intensity of a closing night of a Broadway show. Like that last one, this crowd also sang along to every single word, which would normally be annoying for me (and it was a little just because the girls behind me were almost louder than Rachel, which like please no) but for the most part was pretty emotional, for me, for everyone, and clearly for Rachel, who kept pausing to take it all in. The only bad thing about the singing along came when a few people would preempt Rachel’s big moments, but we’ll get to that. Because I can’t focus on literally anything else right now, I’m going to go through night to the best of my ability/memory and share everything I can – including some videos! I didn’t take any during the first act because it is SO WRONG TO RECORD IN THE THEATRE, but then once I fully accepted that this was totally cool here, I took some videos (still super short ones though because ahhh).
ACT I
PERIOD SEX
To open with “Period Sex” is a bold move, and I couldn’t stop laughing watching the unapprised guards’ faces. They did NOT know what they were in for. On the show, we had only gotten a few lines of this song in its various occurrences. But here, oh boy, they went all out writing the rest of the song, even including a line about buying new sheets at Primark (to which Rachel commented, rightly, that Primark sounds like a pregnancy test). Amazing start, jumping right in to the crazy.
FEELING KINDA NAUGHTY
This is one of my favorites so I may have started my screaming, which lasted for the next 2 ½ hours, at recognizing the opening. Although nothing beats the image in the show that accompanies the delivery of “like that film with Liberace”, it was still the amazing live.
WE SHOULD DEFINITELY NOT HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW
Rachel roped Adam into performing Josh’s part from this song, which was hilarious since Adam gives off such a serious vibe.
It was around this point when Rachel learned the hard way that this country does not do air conditioning. It was super hot in the theatre, and I was sweating sitting in the audience so I can’t imagine how much worse it was for Rachel under those stage lights. She started the show wearing a plaid shirt open over a tank because she said she hadn’t gotten the tank top tailored yet, but soon she had to take it off.. She definitely undersold how ill-fitting the shirt was, as she definitely almost fully popped out of it several times!
OMG I THINK I LIKE YOU
Ugh my FAVORITE. It was magical. It was especially funny to hear the bridge, just the best bridge ever, about the various forms of contraception including the IUD (“that can stop the image of YOU AND ME”) since she had just talked about a bad experience she had with the NuvaRing and said “Do you guys know what that is? Oh wait you do IUDs here don’t you?” to which the audience shouted “YES”. Rachel said “doesn’t that hurt??” and again, everyone shouted “YESSS”. HILARIOUS.
I’M A GOOD PERSON
I was – we were ALL – SO happy to hear this song start, since it is one of the classics out of this show (like 131 are all classics and amazing, btw). It was the explicit version – all of these were the explicit versions – and while generally the safe-for-TV versions are actually much better (see, e.g., “JAP Battle” and “I Give Good Parent”, two of my absolute faves), the differences with this song are few and they’re lateral moves, so it was no big deal. Where in the show Rebecca comes across the guy choking and says “Sorry, so busy!”, here Adam stopped playing and told Rachel that there was a girl in the audience who was terminally ill. He kept talking and Rachel kept saying ‘uh huh’ and it went on and on and was so Voldemort (TERRIBLE, but GREAT) and then she just resumed singing!
There was a girl in the front row who may have been even more overexcited than I was, because Rachel chose her for the audience participation line, saying she had a bit planned for that pause but just completely skipped it because that girl was so itching to shout ‘YOU’RE A GOOD PERSON!’ Well, she said great; she was very excited.
SEXY FRENCH DEPRESSION
One of the funniest moments when Rachel introduced this song. Earlier I said the list of past performers at the Palladium is wildly varied, and I hadn’t even mentioned the best one: Judy Garland. It seemed like Rachel and I were the only people who appreciated this, because she kept trying to talk about how amazing it was and the audience didn’t seem to react the way she expected, which she kept talking about. As she sat down on the lip of the stage, she said she expected everyone to erupt with recognition that “Judy sat on the lip of that stage just like that!” That would have already sealed this as my favorite intro bit, but then she asked the audience how England feels about France. The crowd erupted in a truly indecipherable way: I heard cheers, boos, everything. Rachel said “what you guys still aren’t over the 100 Years War?” Then, some man (of course it was a man) shouted ‘BREXIT!’ to which the entire audience booed, which was amazing. Rachel was kind of confused until someone explained we were all booing Brexit, not France or her for asking. A totally hysterical way to lead in a hysterical-but-remember-depression-isn’t-hysterical-or-sexy-as-Rachel-reminded-us song, “Sexy French Depression”. I only wish she did the original French lyrics in the back half; there’s nothing funnier than the rush of French with ‘John Wayne Gacy’ stuck in there (but I admit without subtitles it wouldn’t have worked). “Je suis garbage” is still the best line.
FRIENDTOPIA
OH MY BIGGEST REGRET IN LIFE. Ugh I am still heartbroken about this. Without Gabrielle Ruiz and Vella Lovell to join Rachel for this song, she asked the audience for volunteers, two people who REALLY know the song, like every word, who could step in and do the respective parts. I SHOULD HAVE JUMPED UP, but I second guessed how well I knew a few of the lyrics so I stayed seated. Then as soon as the two girls got onstage, they were given lyric sheets!! I could have checked the one I was unsure about (Heather is the one who says ‘take control of the banks’) and then HAD MY LIFE MADE. Oh well, the two volunteers did such a great job being so brave. Kat came onstage to teach them some super quick choreography, which Rachel said was how all her choreography was taught. It also was a great opportunity for Rachel to continue doing terrible accents and talking about the British accent, which she did A LOT. ZIGAZOW!
WE TAPPED THAT ASS ALL OVER THIS HOUSE
In this ridiculous number, Rachel and Kat did the tap dancing of Josh and Greg – but Adam and another musician did the singing. It was funny, and a nice way to show off Kat, but the multiple performer thing made it feel a little off, keeping the hilarious lyrics more in the background. Still so fun though.
IT WAS A SHITSHOW
Rachel sang Greg’s most heartbreaking song, making an already emotional song even more moving. She also shared that, like the situation the song is about, writing the song was a shitshow too because ‘the actor decided to leave us, which was a surprise!’ It was some REAL shade, and it made me uncomfortable (and a lot of the audience since a majority of every crowd (in any place or gathering) is a Santino fan). There’s so much about that situation that is the real life version of the gif of Chrissy Tiegen at the Golden Globes making cringe-face, and I honestly would rather not know!
This song featured one of the most prominent examples of some extra-annoying audience members who kept preempting some songs’ big moments. Here, famously, Greg runs off before singing the final ‘shitshow’ – Rachel and Adam actually explained that there is no final ‘shitshow’ because Standards & Practices would only let them say it twice, but it actually helps with the emotional heft to leave it hanging. But before letting us find out whether Rachel would sing it or not, the audience member/s shouted it out themselves. Rachel made fun of it and we all laughed, but I think she was really annoyed about it. It’s one thing to sing along because we all love it; it’s another to literally make it all about you.
WHAT’LL IT BE
In a really lovely twist, they had Adam sing this, one of my favorite Greg songs, with Rachel introducing it as the song that most impressed her from Adam, that the first draft he sent was literally perfect. Adam introduced it by explaining that it’s inspired, as we know, by a singer named William Joel, “who is a Jewish man but pretends to be Italian.” As someone who is both Jewish and Italian AND whose very first concert was Billy Joel (that’s true), I CACKLED. Adam sang the lyric as “to serve Deb a Grey Goose” instead of “to serve Deb a vodka and cranberry juice”, and he paused the song to explain that Grey Goose was the original lyric, but the lawyers made them change it for the show! Free from the constraints of TV, it’s back to its original form, but I actually prefer the way “vodka and cranberry juice” affects the meter.
MATH OF LOVE TRIANGLES
The final song before the interval break was the one that almost gave me the big heart attack. Rachel said she needed the help of two special guests for this one, and out came PETE and SCOTT and I JUMPED up out of my seat and jumped up and down screaming like I have literally never done before. I was like a contestant pulled from the audience on The Price is Right, and in hindsight equally embarrassing as they all usually are.
But it doesn’t matter how embarrassing I acted because this was the best surprise, especially to use them in a song they originally had no part of. They even had the posterboard props of the different triangles. THE BEST!
During the interval, everyone got even more wasted, buying whole new bottles of wine and ensuring an even rowdier Act 2 crowd, if that was possible. The Palladium toilet situation is not great, and the line for the ladies snaked all the way through that long hallway and into the bar area. (That’s bad.) (Luckily, I know theatres (and talk about them in my regular reviews, ps) and got the seat next to the secret door to the ladies from the stalls – it actually says Gentlemen above the door but it leads to both. Anyway that’s enough about the toilets.)
ACT 2
FUCKTON OF CATS
With everyone wasted – which is something for fans of a show that uses alcoholism as an important plot point (but in the UK we just ignore that alcoholism is real) – they opened the second act with a song that I don’t love love like the others, but that is so good live, “Fuckton of Cats”, with Scott, Pete, and Kat acting as the cat chorus. Hilarious! This act actually featured a lot of the songs I don’t love love (of course still regular love, I love all of them) but that were vastly improved by a live performance. So interesting, like how “Santa Fe” was the best part of the Rent movie even though it’s like whatever in the original.
I LOVE MY DAUGHTER (BUT NOT IN A CREEPY WAY)
I am OBSESSED that Pete got to sing this live. Such a hilarious surprise and it was so wonderful live. I love that Pete really got to show off both his voice and his humor more than he usually gets to. God this song is so funny. I took a video of my favorite line (“I’m very careful where I tickle my daughter!”)
LET’S HAVE INTERCOURSE
Okay, it’s important to note that this audience was ROWDY for Scott Michael Foster. I said the screaming overall was louder than anything, but when he was onstage (or even when Rachel MENTIONED him) the audience screamed even louder, if possible, like how some infinities are larger than other infinities. This screaming level was the bigger infinity. So to have him sing THIS song for THIS audience, man alive was it awesome. Also I’m deaf now.
GETTING BI
I usually think this song is great, but it’s not one of my faves. Performed live?? it is SENSATIONAL. One of the best performances of the night because of Pete’s exuberance, the audience’s joy, and the fact that it was so fitting for Pride month. I love that as soon as Pete came out wearing a blazer the audience cheered because they knew what song was coming. I love that everyone knows this show inside and out like I do. We’re all so crazy.
I GO TO THE ZOO
Most fans are going to flip out, but this is another song that I don’t really listen to on repeat. It’s fine, it’s so funny, but like okay. But holy shit, live? This was INCREDIBLE. I really wish I had taped it but I was too busy rethinking all my previous opinions.
SPORTS ANALOGIES
Pete joined Scott to take over Josh’s part in this hilarious song. This one is when I feel like some of the male guards finally connected to the show, hearing about men’s relationships with their fathers. I loved that they added a new ending line for the European audience: after “’cause soccer’s just a bunch of foreigners running around” they THEN said something like “don’t call it football, that’s not f-ing football!” Loves it.
THE DARKNESS and A DIAGNOSIS
These two go so well together, it made each one extra poignant. Honestly, with how hot it was on that stage and how dry it was (so bad for the voice), this Rachel-centric section was a huge accomplishment. Those conditions for singers, especially at the end of a long show, are often debilitating. Although she mentioned how hoarse she felt, she sounded amazing.
FUCK ME RAY BRADBURY/STACY’S MOM
THIS was a surprise and I am LIVING FOR IT! I love that both Rachel and Adam showed off their early work. The former is the song that made Rachel famous, when she was making parody songs for Youtube. Aline Brosh McKenna saw this one and decided she wanted to make a musical TV show with this girl and the rest is our magical history. The latter, of course, is the famous Fountains of Wayne song from all our middle school lives. Adam wrote it; he was in FOW. So many young people in the audience didn’t know! He also was nominated for an Oscar for writing “That Thing You Do!” (the song in the movie, not the movie). The movie studio literally hired him to write a song that would be believable as taking over the world and making a band huge, and he did it. GENIUS.
ENCORE: YOU STUPID BITCH
I have to say, I’m the tiniest bit disappointed not to have seen the encore from the Radio City shows – Rachel doing “Heavy Boobs” wearing only pasties – for the sheer insanity of it, but there’s no way I’d give up hearing the true theme song of the show live. It was GLORIOUS…except the annoying audience member/s who kept preempting her continued it here, as you can see in the video. But Rachel made the most of it (I think she was really annoyed though). It was sad to have the night end, but to end it on this song was EVERYTHING.
So obviously this was the best ever and I hope that everyone going tonight has the time of their lives. Just don’t sing the words before she does.
