A Burns Night Event in London, When Everyone is Scottishby Randi / January 29, 2015
A most unnecessary thing in this world is to ‘review’ anything Audra McDonald does. She’s the greatest singer in the world and one of the most effective actors. Any time she opens that goddamn fabulous trap of hers, it’s going to be the greatest sound you’ve ever heard. So, we’re not really going to review last weekend’s concert at Madrid’s Teatro Real; we are just going to gush about it. Because that’s all you can do when Audra performs.
I’ve had the ridiculous good fortune of being able to see Audra perform live every year since 2001, when I attended a master class for high school students that she held during the opening season of Philadelphia’s Kimmel Center. I remember she mentioned “my friend Julie Andrews” and I was like this is the coolest person ever. That night, we all got to attend her concert, and minds were blown like balloons. I remember hearing for the first time the incredibly fun songs “Bambalele” and “I Double Dare You” (both on her album “Happy Songs”). I’m pretty sure she sings the latter at every concert, and with dern good reason. It is SO FUN, and she clearly enjoys singing it. Also, it includes the lyric “You seem to think that half aloof is better than none”, which I adore.
I’ve had the ridiculous good fortune of being able to see Audra perform live every year since 2001, when I attended a master class for high school students that she held during the opening season of Philadelphia’s Kimmel Center. I remember she mentioned “my friend Julie Andrews” and I was like this is the coolest person ever. That night, we all got to attend her concert, and minds were blown like balloons. I remember hearing for the first time the incredibly fun songs “Bambalele” and “I Double Dare You” (both on her album “Happy Songs”). I’m pretty sure she sings the latter at every concert, and with dern good reason. It is SO FUN, and she clearly enjoys singing it. Also, it includes the lyric “You seem to think that half aloof is better than none”, which I adore.
When her 2015 tour was announced, only one European date was on the list – in Madrid. It’s a mystery to me how Madrid got sandwiched between Florida and North Carolina. Did the Teatro Real seek her out? Did she have private business already bringing her to Spain? Were there just good flight deals? It makes no sense! Since I’m in London, going to Madrid was easy enough and so worth it. In her Spanish debut, Audra may have given her best concert performance yet.
I assumed the concert would be sold out, because it’s Audra, until husband was like, “Um, we’re in Spain; do they know her??” and I got nervous. But that was dumb, because who doesn’t know Audra?? The 7 or so enormous levels in the Teatro were all very full, and I couldn’t see a single open seat in the orchestra. Duh.
She began, as she does, by walking out and immediately singing her first number, without addressing the audience. I love that she is so baller that way. She began with Kander & Ebb’s “Sing Happy”, from a show that is actually called “Flora, the Red Menace”, which sounds like a period piece. The other kind. It’s an okay song, extremely repetitive, but she made it great. Afterwards, she addressed the audience in hilariously bad Spanish, thanking everyone and saying how excited she was to be there. I got nervous that the whole show would be in broken Spanish. It was easily understandable basic Spanish; that’s not the point. But the best part of Audra concerts is her storytelling, so personal and touching and lovely. Luckily, her little speech ended with “well from now on I’ll be speaking in English the rest of the night, because Spanish for me is a disaster.” However you say that in Spanish. It was adorable. Her stories were noticeably abridged because she tried to speak in more basic English so more people could potentially understand. Nice of her!
The lineup that followed included a mix of Rodgers & Hammerstein, Sondheim, more Kander & Ebb, and lots of other legendary composers of Broadway classics. She of course sang “I Double Dare You”, continuing her streak, and another super old song called “My Buddy” that she does often. In her intro to “My Buddy”, she mentions how she came upon a war veteran singing this song outside her favorite restaurant in NYC. (She didn’t mention this time that that favorite restaurant is Chipotle; I guess she knew they don’t have them in Spain. I really wanted to shout to the whole theatre “She’s talking about Chipotle hahahah!”.) The sad story of another homeless war veteran, reinforcing how shittily the USA treats them, is lightened somewhat by her promise to sing the song in the same key the vet sang it in, leading you to expect her to sing it quite low, only to laugh when it’s super high. She does say doing it in the same key is “impressive, for one of us.” I love that.
I assumed the concert would be sold out, because it’s Audra, until husband was like, “Um, we’re in Spain; do they know her??” and I got nervous. But that was dumb, because who doesn’t know Audra?? The 7 or so enormous levels in the Teatro were all very full, and I couldn’t see a single open seat in the orchestra. Duh.
She began, as she does, by walking out and immediately singing her first number, without addressing the audience. I love that she is so baller that way. She began with Kander & Ebb’s “Sing Happy”, from a show that is actually called “Flora, the Red Menace”, which sounds like a period piece. The other kind. It’s an okay song, extremely repetitive, but she made it great. Afterwards, she addressed the audience in hilariously bad Spanish, thanking everyone and saying how excited she was to be there. I got nervous that the whole show would be in broken Spanish. It was easily understandable basic Spanish; that’s not the point. But the best part of Audra concerts is her storytelling, so personal and touching and lovely. Luckily, her little speech ended with “well from now on I’ll be speaking in English the rest of the night, because Spanish for me is a disaster.” However you say that in Spanish. It was adorable. Her stories were noticeably abridged because she tried to speak in more basic English so more people could potentially understand. Nice of her!
The lineup that followed included a mix of Rodgers & Hammerstein, Sondheim, more Kander & Ebb, and lots of other legendary composers of Broadway classics. She of course sang “I Double Dare You”, continuing her streak, and another super old song called “My Buddy” that she does often. In her intro to “My Buddy”, she mentions how she came upon a war veteran singing this song outside her favorite restaurant in NYC. (She didn’t mention this time that that favorite restaurant is Chipotle; I guess she knew they don’t have them in Spain. I really wanted to shout to the whole theatre “She’s talking about Chipotle hahahah!”.) The sad story of another homeless war veteran, reinforcing how shittily the USA treats them, is lightened somewhat by her promise to sing the song in the same key the vet sang it in, leading you to expect her to sing it quite low, only to laugh when it’s super high. She does say doing it in the same key is “impressive, for one of us.” I love that.
One of my favorite moments was when she sang “Stars and the Moon”, Jason Robert Brown’s song from “Songs for a New World”. Although I am the world’s biggest proponent of everyone shutting the f up during shows, I couldn’t help cheering when she talked a bit about Brown, one of my favorite composers. She mentioned that he won Tonys for last year’s “The Bridges of Madison County” and I kind of shrieked with glee. She also said he has a new show on Broadway now called “Honeymoon in Vegas” and it took all my strength ALL OF IT not to yell I KNOW AUDRA I SAW IT A FEW WEEKS AGO I’M SO COOL. I have to remember that her concerts are not opportunities for conversations. Anyway, “Stars and the Moon” was the first song I ever heard Audra sing, and so it has a very special place in my heart. I almost cried, I was so happy to hear it live. It’s a sad song about a woman who shuns love on multiple occasions in pursuit of more material gains, only to realize once she has all the material nonsense she wished for that she will never find real love again. What an idiot.
Thinking back on the playlist, I want to call every single number a highlight. Except for an almost boring lullaby here and there, there were no weak points. The absolute standout by far was that she shared her Tony-winning performance of “Summertime” from Gershwin’s “Porgy & Bess”. She sang without the microphone, as it was in a high enough operatic register for the audience to hear it well without the mic, and with only light piano accompaniment. It was pretty much the most astounding vocal performance you could ever hope to hear.
Here is a video of Pohgy’s Tony performance so you can hear a bit of Audra and then listen to Normy sing “I Got Plenty O’ Nothin’” because I love it. Also his voice breaks because you can’t warm up well before Tony performances and it’s adorable if unbelievably embarrassing for him.
Another highlight was Audra’s take on “Moments in the Woods” from Sondheim’s “Into the Woods”, and she mentioned several times that the movie starring Meryl Streep was now playing. The Baker’s Wife is notorious for being the most difficult and important role in “Into the Woods”, and this song of hers exemplifies that. It’s a delicate balance between humor and poignancy and regret, and Audra, even though this was just a concert, acted all of this perfectly. Just so impressive. Why is she never in Sondheim shows?
One song that she thankfully didn’t sing in character was “Maybe This Time” from “Cabaret”. Although Sally Bowles is pretty much the #1 role actresses want to play in their careers, her songs cannot be sung well in the play, because Sally is supposed to be a pretty crappy singer in the Kit Kat Klub. (You can currently see this being well played (terribly sung) by Emma Stone on Broadway.) It’s a shame, because Sally’s songs are so phenomenal, none more so than “Maybe This Time”. It’s her one moment of hope and resolve in the whole show, and the song is so powerful even though it’s not beautifully sung. Well, Audra gives all of musical theatre a huge gift by doing this song in concert, where she’s free to sing it out of character and thus beautifully. Just Jesus H it’s the best. I love how, in this video of her singing it a few years ago, the audience applauds when it recognizes the opening bars; everyone is that excited to hear this song sung as powerfully as it can be outside the confines of the character.
One song that she thankfully didn’t sing in character was “Maybe This Time” from “Cabaret”. Although Sally Bowles is pretty much the #1 role actresses want to play in their careers, her songs cannot be sung well in the play, because Sally is supposed to be a pretty crappy singer in the Kit Kat Klub. (You can currently see this being well played (terribly sung) by Emma Stone on Broadway.) It’s a shame, because Sally’s songs are so phenomenal, none more so than “Maybe This Time”. It’s her one moment of hope and resolve in the whole show, and the song is so powerful even though it’s not beautifully sung. Well, Audra gives all of musical theatre a huge gift by doing this song in concert, where she’s free to sing it out of character and thus beautifully. Just Jesus H it’s the best. I love how, in this video of her singing it a few years ago, the audience applauds when it recognizes the opening bars; everyone is that excited to hear this song sung as powerfully as it can be outside the confines of the character.
It’s no secret how much I love sing-along moments in fun songs – Berthe’s “No Time At All” in the recent “Pippin” revival, “Wig In A Box” in “Hedwig” – as long as they are kept brief, so I loved when Audra asked the audience to sing along with her in “I Could Have Danced All Night” and then after a few choruses said “Okay hush it’s my solo.” She is hilarious! She did mention Julie Andrews, of course, whose version is the most well known, but she didn’t call her “my friend Julie Andrews”, so that was a let-down. Maybe they aren’t friends anymore because of “The Princess Diaries” or something.
Proving how wonderful an actress she is, the most impressive parts of the concert were her most moving, emotional songs. Along with “Summertime”, a notable song in this category was “Go Back Home” from Kander & Ebb’s “The Scottsboro Boys”. We all know how I feel about that show and how depressing and necessary it is. “Go Back Home” is the most beautiful and notable song from the musical, and Audra made it lovelier than ever. More importantly, she talked about how she is so involved in the gay rights movement because her life was made possible by the civil rights movement, and how we all owe it to each other to try to make things better and fight for equality across the board. That’s when she mentioned that without the struggle of people in the civil rights movement, she wouldn’t have been able to marry her white husband, Will Swenson, who was SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW. I didn’t know that until that point. I was in the first balcony closest to the stage so I could have thrown something at him but you can’t throw a hug.
Proving how wonderful an actress she is, the most impressive parts of the concert were her most moving, emotional songs. Along with “Summertime”, a notable song in this category was “Go Back Home” from Kander & Ebb’s “The Scottsboro Boys”. We all know how I feel about that show and how depressing and necessary it is. “Go Back Home” is the most beautiful and notable song from the musical, and Audra made it lovelier than ever. More importantly, she talked about how she is so involved in the gay rights movement because her life was made possible by the civil rights movement, and how we all owe it to each other to try to make things better and fight for equality across the board. That’s when she mentioned that without the struggle of people in the civil rights movement, she wouldn’t have been able to marry her white husband, Will Swenson, who was SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW. I didn’t know that until that point. I was in the first balcony closest to the stage so I could have thrown something at him but you can’t throw a hug.
Her most upsetting song I knew was coming and yet I couldn’t do anything to stop the cryfest. I’ve heard her sing “I’ll Be Here” by Adam Gwon three times in concert now, and every time she intros the song by explaining how Gwon won the Fred Ebb award and how he’s one to watch. So I knew she was going to sing this unbelievably sad and moving and just absolutely perfect song about living during 9/11 and losing love and it still hit me and everyone else in the audience like a ton of bricks. Every time she sings this song, I think every single audience member sobs uncontrollably. Maybe less so here because of the language barrier, but there were still a good deal of sniffles.
Her last official song was the crowd-pleasing “Climb Ev’ry Mountain”, so she got to talk about everyone’s favorite thing, the Carrie Underwood-led “The Sound of Music Live!” She didn’t mention the exclamation point in the title but man alive can she sing this song. It was wonderful. So wonderful, that the audience simply could not stop applauding in its standing ovation. She came out a few minutes later for an encore of “When Did I Fall In Love”, which she often opens with. It’s a rousing, joyous song from the musical “Fiorello!” with another exclamation point. And yes, to husband’s disbelief, it is indeed a musical about NYC mayor Fiorello LaGuardia.
The audience couldn’t stop applauding again after this encore. It was so nuts that Audra was forced to come out again for a rare second encore. She and her long-time musical director and pianist Andy Einhorn looked through his music trying to find something to sing, and they settled on “Over The Rainbow”, complete with that incredible introduction that I love so much. I love how many people’s faces were like “Wait what song is this…?” during the intro and then when it resolves into the familiar “Somewhere over the rainbow” their faces showed their recognition. It was a perfect final song to an absolutely perfect concert. We tried waiting at stage door to meet Audra (and Will), but after 45 minutes in absolutely feet-numbing cold we had to call it. Even I have stage door limits. Also we had other shows to see (late night flamenco!). But that experience couldn’t at all tarnish this stunning evening by the world’s greatest singer. If you ever are near one of her concert stops, you have to go.
The audience couldn’t stop applauding again after this encore. It was so nuts that Audra was forced to come out again for a rare second encore. She and her long-time musical director and pianist Andy Einhorn looked through his music trying to find something to sing, and they settled on “Over The Rainbow”, complete with that incredible introduction that I love so much. I love how many people’s faces were like “Wait what song is this…?” during the intro and then when it resolves into the familiar “Somewhere over the rainbow” their faces showed their recognition. It was a perfect final song to an absolutely perfect concert. We tried waiting at stage door to meet Audra (and Will), but after 45 minutes in absolutely feet-numbing cold we had to call it. Even I have stage door limits. Also we had other shows to see (late night flamenco!). But that experience couldn’t at all tarnish this stunning evening by the world’s greatest singer. If you ever are near one of her concert stops, you have to go.
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HABIBI Take 2: The Band’s Visit at the Donmar
It’s Theatre Thursday! Today’s show is one of my all-times, The Band’s Visit.
In 2017, I saw a preview of a little Broadway musical based on a little Israeli movie I remembered seeing years and years prior, and for the five years since that night I have rarely gone a day without thinking about how beautiful it was. That’s a long time and a lot of thinking about beauty! No ragrets! For its London premiere at the Donmar, I was hella nervous (this city and its antisemitism, wooof) but need not have been. It was treated with respect, there were no uninformed idiots protesting outside (I had some nightmares), and while it didn’t have all the superb magic of the Broadway run, it was still wonderfully done with still plenty of magic.
Read: Habibi Part 1 (The Broadway review)
The Band’s Visit is the small show that could, a slice of boring life in the Israeli desert where its inhabitants live the same day in and out, waiting for something to change but nothing ever changes, which many people across the world can surely identify with. One day, though, something different happens: a touring Egyptian military band mistakenly arrives in their little one-camel town, having mistaken this town of Bet Hatikva (made up for this show) with their intended destination Petah Tikvah (real place!). Those pesky b’s and p’s! Forced to stay overnight until the next bus, the musicians are put up at various locals’ homes, and relationships are almost-forged, as much as people can connect in almost one evening. Which, as it turns out, is enough to remind us of the importance of human connection.
The beauty of the show that I thought so much about, well, first of all it was mainly the music. This sounds like a nothing story on paper, sure, but David Yazbeck’s music is what brings it alive. With a mix of klezmer, Arabic music, orchestral concertos, all kinds of traditional, lovely sounds from the Middle East, it’s so well considered, so gorgeous and moving, with each melody and lyric serving a purpose, as the best in musical theatre should. This is a show that was clearly edited and discussed to make it the best version of itself it could be, which is probably a good part of why it struck me so deep (so rarely the case!). But also, back up, it’s NOT a nothing story. Itamar Moses (who never got his chance as hosting SNL as the Tony-contender book writers that season were obviously meant to) wrote a subtle, nuanced book that, without you aware in the moment, reminds us of the splendor in everyday life, in interpersonal relationships, in simply humans connecting with other humans. It’s so little and so much all at once, the most important thing in the world presented without a fuss. And the magic of it all is heightened by the fact that we only get a glimpse into each set of characters, each grouping of local Israeli with the Arab musicians they’re hosting. We don’t get full stories or neat conclusions, just glimpses, which makes it all even more relatable, realistic, and touching.
This London production gets bonus points for showing this town what proper representation in a cast can look like: there are actual Israels, Arabs, Jews, Muslims, playing these parts, so it feels authentic and not like, as happens so often here, caricatures. It’s a breath of fresh air to hear stories from the people they’d be about. Everyone is great, but so far into the run they don’t have the same magic connection to the music that the Broadway cast had. Mira Mesika plays Dina, the central character, as much as there is one in a true ensemble piece. Her stage presence and strong singing voice guide the show. Her “Omar Sharif” is gorgeous and when she belted the higher notes it. was. EVERYTHING. The heightened sense of desperation she revealed in her Dina really worked for her interpretation, and her dependable singing was a lovely contrast to Broadway’s Katrina Lenk, although she lacked what made Katrina’s performance so special – that strange mystical physical presence that Katrina used to almost dance through the show, heightening the sense of exoticism and magic.
It’s just different takes, for the most part, and not lack of talent. But I did find myself wishing for the Broadway takes. Our Tewfiq was authoritative and respectable, great especially at the end, but not heartbreaking to the extent Tony Shalhoub was with his adorableness and his sadness. But that’s why Tony is such a big star, that special extra something. Our Haled was fun and very good, but he and the director, I guess, didn’t notice the thing that made Haled on Broadway so effective with just one song that he won a Tony for it: Ari’el Stachel was doing exactly what the song was about – he was melting it. He was actually acting the lyrics: “it’s not about the conversation, the words are like your lips are reaching out to kiss the ears.” When I first saw him on Broadway, I was entranced because it was this otherworldly smooth legato energy coming directly into my ears like a nonstop beam melting the world away. That’s how he won a Tony for singing one song. This Haled was good but was singing the song, not doing the song. It was lovely and fun but wasn’t an act of revolution.
But again these are all tiny tiny differences between the productions, and this one is still fantastic, really served by the tiny stage and intimate theatre. Oh also I think Peter Polyinalltheshows’s iteration of the father character and his song “The Beat of Your Heart” were phenom, excellent stuff. The only slight slight almost a disappointment but of course not really but just a little, is the finale – the Telephone Guy’s song “Answer Me”. This is one of my favorite songs of all time and it lacked a bit of vocal heft here, the strength of the longing and the emotional expression that made Adam Kantor and then the whole cast together leave the audience in tears, feeling their loneliness but all together. It was a stunning theatrical moment that here is lovely and still heart-rending but not heart-breaking in its gloriousness. STILL, I say STILL, this is a wonderful production with a lot of heart and joy and love and I wish I could see it a dozen more times. I’m so glad this beautiful brave little toaster made it here.
INFORMATION
The musical is 100 minutes no intermission, which is…hard! Seriously folks, if you want to call your theatre-making accessible, 100 minutes no intermission is the MAX WE GO. Get over yourself.
The Donmar audience at my show was one of the worst I’ve ever seen! Maybe 2 masks, but we’re used to that by now. No, the horror came from the behavior. People all around talking, not whispering, literally the whole time. People next to us dancing in their seats (when? there are no dance songs!) and making out, it was really just so annoying and honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re to blame for any bits of disappointment I felt. Also the man next to me who AFTER THE SECOND SONG, said to his friend “oh I guess this is a musical”. WAS THAT NECESSARY.
ALSO, unforch, the shows that encourage you to film the curtain call and maybe the finale, moves that we thought would placate the filmers, have instead led to people thinking they can film EVERY show’s finale and curtain call, which you can’t! People! You are here! Live! Experience the live theatre, why must you film everything? jfc put your gd phones away!
Speaking of jfc and gd, the Donmar cancelled the first preview of this run because of the Queen’s death which was…like…a month before the scheduled first preview. They said it pushed the rehearsal/tech process back a day. Which I guess is understandable, but if you have a sold out show, or heavily sold, and then you cancel one, shouldn’t you add in another show? So that people who are suddenly out of tickets – especially since they are likely the people most eager to see the show – can actually see it? I know too many fellow first-preview-ticket-holders who were only able to scrounge up like a terrible back of theatre seat in December. Add a f-ing performance if you cancel the first one, guys! What else could be fair? I’m still very angry even though I was not very affected, it’s the principle of the thing.
Wow this little info section made me really f-ing angry and hateful towards my fellow man, guess I have to see the show again and remember that they aren’t all monsters. But then the audience will prob be monsters, and then I’d be stuck in a vicious cycle! Just be better people!
The EMMYS Are Tomorrow Night! Let’s Predict Stuff!
This bitch
The Emmy Awards are tomorrow! Yeah, on a Monday! And still in August! What’s up with that! What the hell? Who decided this? Not that it affects me but I’m sure it affects someone and that’s not right. I hope none of you are working late tomorrow.
Anyway, so we’re here again at this 4-hour dose of crazy called the Emmy Awards, honoring whatever the crap the insane voters (the most insane of any voting body except maybe Florida) want to honor in Television. Television is amazing, by the way. As those of you who actually know me know, if a person doesn’t watch Television I will not know how to converse with said person. But the Emmys don’t really honor the best – if that were true, Tatiana Maslany (of “Orphan Black”) would already have at least one statue, and Steve Carell two. No, even more than the Golden Globes (that’s right, I’m saying it), the Emmys are…whack. Totally whack. Sometimes, the most deserving nominees do win, but the nominations themselves are often ridiculous.*
Anyway, so we’re here again at this 4-hour dose of crazy called the Emmy Awards, honoring whatever the crap the insane voters (the most insane of any voting body except maybe Florida) want to honor in Television. Television is amazing, by the way. As those of you who actually know me know, if a person doesn’t watch Television I will not know how to converse with said person. But the Emmys don’t really honor the best – if that were true, Tatiana Maslany (of “Orphan Black”) would already have at least one statue, and Steve Carell two. No, even more than the Golden Globes (that’s right, I’m saying it), the Emmys are…whack. Totally whack. Sometimes, the most deserving nominees do win, but the nominations themselves are often ridiculous.*
I know what you’re thinking. You’re slowly raising your hand and saying, “Um, excuse me, but the Golden Globes nominations are more nonsensical than the continued popularity of the Ice Bucket Challenge.” Yes, that’s true, but we know the Globes are redonk. We expect the redonk from the Hollywood Foreigners and we LOVE it. The Globes are fun and everyone knows they only exist because the Hollywood Foreigners’ parents are out of town and they want famous people to help them raid the liquor cabinet. But people still consider the Emmys to be meaningful and valuable and, god help us, career defining. The Emmys are tricksters. And, as it reads on the signs in Berlin metro stations, beware of tricksters. Seriously, Steve Carell. Never won. These voters are awful.
So let’s talk about who should win out of this year’s milky-unmixed-cloudy-substance of the crop, and more importantly, who should have been nominated. Full disclosure: I don’t actually watch every Television show there is. Shocking! But I know stuff. Also, Seth Meyers is hosting. I love Seth Meyers, but in things like Weekend Update and especially his White House Correspondent’s Dinner performance, my favorite of all time. I am wary of his being able to match Tina and Amy or Jimmy Fallon, the best Emmy hosts ever, because he doesn’t seem silly. But I have high hopes.
So let’s talk about who should win out of this year’s milky-unmixed-cloudy-substance of the crop, and more importantly, who should have been nominated. Full disclosure: I don’t actually watch every Television show there is. Shocking! But I know stuff. Also, Seth Meyers is hosting. I love Seth Meyers, but in things like Weekend Update and especially his White House Correspondent’s Dinner performance, my favorite of all time. I am wary of his being able to match Tina and Amy or Jimmy Fallon, the best Emmy hosts ever, because he doesn’t seem silly. But I have high hopes.
*I mean, I guess that’s the same for every award out there, but still. E for egregious, Emmy.
**PPS, I’m going to use the f word (well the letter f because I’m a lady) a lot, I predict.
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BEST COMEDY SERIES
SERIOUSLY AMERICA??? F THIS. I am so sick of the lazy voting. It’s like 7 years ago voters checked off ‘annuity’ instead of ‘cash’ for “Big Bang” and “Modern Family” and so their votes get renewed every year without a second thought. Yes, they are funny to some people, but come the f on, Bridget. Even the incredible “Louie” isn’t in there because voters actually watch and respect it; it’s in there every year now because the voters are too lazy to actually see what’s out there and change something. BEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
What?? I love Melissa McCarthy and Lena Dunham, but STOP it, voters. Stop voting for the former just because you love her movie work and stop voting for the latter because you love her writing. Voters don’t even watch EITHER of their shows, I guarantee it. How do I know? Because the old people composing this voting group don’t watch “Girls”, and they certainly don’t watch “Molly” because NO ONE DOES. BEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY
UGHHH!!!! Do you know how much it absolutely pains me to admit that Parsons is 99.9% likely to win yet afreakinggain on Sunday? I mean yes he is great and created a wonderful character but ENOUGH. FFS!!!! This entire category is a bunch of lazy recycled flooey. There’s no inspiration, there’s no ingenuity, no real thought evidenced. Same old same old, maybe some new but not really, lazy lazy lazy. My vote would have been for…none of these. It would have been for Chris Messina of “The Mindy Project”. He is PERFECTION. Seriously, do you watch it? I’m not just saying that because Mindy Kaling has written the most perfect romantic comedy leading man in a long time. He is a fantastic actor and he brings out genius and emotion in every single line. “I’ll have whatever gave her an orgasm!” will stand as the best paraphrase of all time. OF ALL TIME. How many times did you rewind the airplane scene? Did it even compare to how many times you watched the part where he tries to dress like Bradley Cooper for Mindy? OR WHEN HE DANCED??? Seriously. SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
I partly love this group and partly hate. Oh my lordy lord why is Julie Bowen nominated every year? It’s like her name was written in permanent marker on the dry erase board and no one can get it off so they’re like eh whatever, she’s good, let it stay up there. BUT COME ON. She’s good but she’s been doing the same thing for like 14 seasons and there is so much new fresh talent out there that deserves recognition. Also she scares me. SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Last year, Tony Hale’s surprise win was one of the very best moments. Everyone loves Baby Buster, and he’s the easiest pick for the lazy voters this year because of that moment. (He also would definitely deserve it, because he submitted the nosebleed episode.) Andre might sneak in to win it, as his foray into comedy is what made B99 a success thus far. The “Modern Family” nominations are driving me absolutely bonkers and I can’t deal with them any longer. Stop it. I’m excited for Adam Driver but not for this past season. Maybe for next season. And who doesn’t like Fred Armisen (I mean I’m sure tons of people?) but…who besides vegans watches “Portlandia”? |
BEST DRAMA SERIES
Lazy lazy lazy, stick your head in gravy, ashes, ashes, you should all fall down. “Downton Abbey”? Give me a f-ing break! The first two seasons, sure, they were deserving of a nomination. But no more! Please, no more! America! You must get over this blind obsession with all this British! Ugh! Also, it’s a comedy. Watch it as a comedy and your mind will be blown. It should switch places with OITNB because the latter deserves to be in this category. BEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Oh man are you as sick as I am of the lazy Michelle Dockery nomination every year? I just don’t get it. And “Homeland” gosh it feels like that hasn’t been on for years. That of course shouldn’t determine anything, but Claire has won a bunch and I like socialism in my awards. Julianna Margulies and Robin Wright are consistently awesome, but I just don’t see either of them winning. My vote would be for the ridiculously amazing and gorgeous Kerry Washington, who last year made cryface even better (and more often!) than Claire Danes. She should have won last year, especially after her co-presenter Diane Carroll pretty much said “Hey babe you’re gonna win later tonight” and then she LOST. That’s embarrassing. But I think Lizzy Caplan gets it this year because she’s on a new buzzy show that probably won’t win elsewhere (because it’s not nominated elsewhere). And come on, who doesn’t want Janis Ian to win? BEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Oh my god, if Jeff Daniels wins again I think every head in that theatre will explode. How crazy was that last year? And not good crazy. Crazy crazy. Woody Harrelson deserved a nod for his stint as Nathan “I’ve got my spleen money” NoLastName on “Will & Grace” but I don’t feel it here. And how nice would it be if Jon Hamm, always excellent but always a bridesmaid, finally finally won? He won’t though. Kevin Spacey deserves a win, but this race is between Cranston and McConaughey. Honestly, if McConaughey wins an EMMY the same year he won an OSCAR (over Chiwetel FFS!!!) I think my skin may just fall off. I guess we’ll see, because there’s actually a strong chance he’ll beat the favoritest Cranston for his final season as the most lovable (?) meth dealer in history on “Breaking Bad”. BB will either sweep its categories in a wave of final respects, or it’ll lose all its categories. Or something in between. SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Ok. Deep breaths. Yes, Frogwoman and McGonagall are inexplicably nominated AGAIN for that show about annoying Brits. Jesus H! Maggie Smith has like 3 lines per season. I love Maggie so much, who doesn’t, but come the f on. 3 lines. And she’s won for this show like multiple times! And she’s never there to accept it! Move onnnnn Emmy voters! Move onnnnnn! Stop worrying if your vision is new/let others make that decision/they usually do/just keep moving onnnnnn! SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Okay, I’m not actually angry about this category. In fact, I think it is the only category this year that isn’t giving me agita. I would be happy with 3 of these guys winning, and that’s not even including the one I bolded above. (But let’s get that lazy “Downton” vote out of there first.) |
WHAT ELSE CAN YOU EXPECT?
Expect a win for Jimmy Fallon’s first season on “The Tonight Show” and a sheeeettonneeeee for “The Normal Heart”. It wasn’t even half as brilliant and wrenching and soul-shattering as the last Broadway revival and still it was one of the best things on Television all season.
Do not expect a musical number.
Expect a directing win for none other than two-time Oscar winner Jodie Foster, for her direction of OITNB. Maybe she will EGOT? Can she sing?
Do not expect anyone to mention Lin-Manuel Miranda’s win at the Creatives last week, making him one of the few people who already have 3 of the 4 trophies necessary for an EGOT. He’s gonna do it. I can feel it.
Expect someone to present obviously drunk and for twitter to explode about it. And for the best part of the night to be the Best Actress in a Comedy nominees doing something silly as their category is announced.
ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Expect a win for Jimmy Fallon’s first season on “The Tonight Show” and a sheeeettonneeeee for “The Normal Heart”. It wasn’t even half as brilliant and wrenching and soul-shattering as the last Broadway revival and still it was one of the best things on Television all season.
Do not expect a musical number.
Expect a directing win for none other than two-time Oscar winner Jodie Foster, for her direction of OITNB. Maybe she will EGOT? Can she sing?
Do not expect anyone to mention Lin-Manuel Miranda’s win at the Creatives last week, making him one of the few people who already have 3 of the 4 trophies necessary for an EGOT. He’s gonna do it. I can feel it.
Expect someone to present obviously drunk and for twitter to explode about it. And for the best part of the night to be the Best Actress in a Comedy nominees doing something silly as their category is announced.
ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
