Three Count 'em THREE Fantastic Dessert Recipes & A Big Hello There!by Randi / July 26, 2014
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I only made this because I like using hyphens. And because it’s uhhhmazing! This is rapidly becoming my favorite pasta dish. It’s really easy but it tastes like it’s difficult. You cook the best type of Field Roast sausage, the apple sage kind, with its perfectly paired green – rainbow swiss chard – and put it over fusilli. Then, you whip up this amazing creamy cheesy sauce in two seconds in your blender, and voila! Breakfast! No that’s from “Rookie of the Year”! I mean dinner! Or breakfast! Whatever you want dude!
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I like to pair this pasta with a simple green salad without dressing, because I’ll inevitably wipe up the remaining sauce with the leaves, as I do with any salad and any sauce. Also, I used quinoa-brown rice pasta (from Trader Joe’s) for this, so it can be easily made gluten-free. Of course, I’m not sure about any of the sauce ingredients being gluten-free. And, of courser, the Field Roast sausage is made of gluten, I’m pretty sure. But then even more of courser, most punks nowadays claiming they are gluten-free only mean they don’t want to eat pasta and bread because scary carbs/they don’t understand nutrition and people with real gluten allergies already know what they can and can’t eat so I don’t have to worry about it. So!
Gluten-Free (or Not! Probably Not!) Pasta with Apple-Sage Sausage, Swiss Chard, & Cashew-Pistachio Cream
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The foods
Ingredients:
Directions:
Cream sauce
Directions:
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 Party girls don’t get hurt  Can’t feel anything, when will I learn  I push it down, push it downnnn  123 123 drink, throw em back till I lose count  IIIIII’M GONNA SWIIIIIIING FROM THE CHANDELIEEEERRRR  FROM THE CHANDELIEEEEEERRRR |
Yuuummm! You should eat with a fork because it is pasta (and maybe salad). I used a spoon because I don’t like dirtying extra things. Also I usually just use my fingers. And my face.
I really loved the fresh parsley as an addition to an otherwise heavy cream. You can use this sauce in so many ways: over tofu or tempeh, in mashed potatoes (ERMA P. GERD), over pretty much anything you want except ice cream. I hope you enjoy!
I’M GONNA FLYYYY LIKE A BIRD THROUGH THE NIGHT
Related Posts
In Which I Make The Greatest Cream Pie Ever Eaten By Humans
I’m tired of pie crust. That’s right, I said that. That just happened. I’ve made so many lately, going through so much palm-oil-laced Earth Balance, that I presently have no desire to eat any more buttery layers or bake with questionable morals. But it was my dad’s birthday recently, and when I ask him what he wants for his birthday ‘cake’, he always says Boston cream pie. Well, not exactly. He recounts what he would have as a child: a Sara Lee graham crust with “soft, gray chocolate” (ew) layer and white cream on top. I’m not sure that’s a Boston cream pie, and when I made the one from Vegan Pie in the Sky, he said it was nothing like what he remembers (though delicious). So I winged a recipe from scratch and you’ll have to make it now because, like I said, best pie ever. And it’s so easy to make! No weird ingredients, and so much wiggle room with the ingredients.
What’s the secret, you ask? It’s my aforementioned (likely momentary) abhorrence for regular pie crust. Instead of dealing with that nonsense, I altered a batch of my favorite cinnamon sugar cookies and spread the batter into the pie shell. It baked up like nobody’s business, puffing up uncontrollably and amazingly, rising and rising like a souffle. As it cooled, it fortunately sank a little (so I could fit the other components on top), but it was the most delicious and most fun pie crust ever. I see a lot of cookie crusts in my future.
What’s the secret, you ask? It’s my aforementioned (likely momentary) abhorrence for regular pie crust. Instead of dealing with that nonsense, I altered a batch of my favorite cinnamon sugar cookies and spread the batter into the pie shell. It baked up like nobody’s business, puffing up uncontrollably and amazingly, rising and rising like a souffle. As it cooled, it fortunately sank a little (so I could fit the other components on top), but it was the most delicious and most fun pie crust ever. I see a lot of cookie crusts in my future.
This went fast
What about the soft, gray chocolate, you ask? First, I put out of my mind the question of what on earth Sara Lee did to chocolate to give it those qualities. Then, I set about my usual daily activity of melting a pot of dark chocolate, wondering what I could add to it to prevent it from hardening. I needed fat, I knew that, and some milk. For the fat, I used a combination of full-fat coconut milk and Earth Balance, in order to significantly decrease the amount of butter used. I also had to add sugar, because my dad hates dark chocolate. It worked out really well, resulting it a soft, creamy chocolate layer that kept its proper coloring.
As for the top layer, I used silken tofu, a drop of peanut butter for consistency (just enough for a hint of nuttiness but not enough to tell it’s PB, so any nut butter would work), and just a tiny bit of sweetener to offset the very sweet bottom layer and the very rich middle layer. The result was pretty much perfection.
As for the top layer, I used silken tofu, a drop of peanut butter for consistency (just enough for a hint of nuttiness but not enough to tell it’s PB, so any nut butter would work), and just a tiny bit of sweetener to offset the very sweet bottom layer and the very rich middle layer. The result was pretty much perfection.
CINNAMON CHOCOLATE CREAM PIE
Notes: will kick Sara Lee’s soft gray behind
Notes: will kick Sara Lee’s soft gray behind
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FOR THE COOKIE CRUST
Ingredients:
Directions:
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Before cooking, but you can still eat it because no eggs! 
Look how puffy!!! |
IT’S BIG AND BEEYOOOOTIFUL!
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FOR THE CHOCOLATE FILLING
Ingredients:
Directions:
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How many pictures of melting chocolate in this saucepan are on this blog 
Just go ahead and stick your face in it |
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FOR THE WHITE CREAM Ingredients:
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The top cream is thin, so it gets messy, but it’s delicious. A delicious mess. |
Directions:
- Blend it all in a blender until smooth.
- Pour it over the pie and refrigerate for several hours.
Like I said this was amazing. It’s messy, especially if you cut into it before it’s fully set like we did. But we didn’t care because it was sooo good. Hot damn. Go make it!
Veganizing “Friends”: Monica’s Kiwi Lime Pie
Ooh we’re finally making the famous kiwi lime pie! I know you kids are excited. As you will recall, in “The One With The Baby On The Bus”, Monica whipped up a lovely pie, and shared it with Chandler, Joey, and Ross. But after a few bites, Ross’s tongue started to swell up and he realized the delicious pie was trying to kill him:
Ross: Unnhh, unnnh, unnnnnhh.
Joey: You okay, Ross?
Ross: I don’t know. Unhhhh. What’s in this pie?
Monica: Oh, I don’t know, butter and eggs and flour and lime and kiwi…Ross: Kiwi? Kiwi?? You said it was a key lime pie.
Monica: No I didn’t, I said kiwi lime. That’s what makes it so special.
Ross: That’s what’s going to kill me.
Poor Ross! (Though his mangled final words are pretty damn hilarious.) So, we’re going to make kiwi lime pie! We’re going to use kiwi and lime and flour but of course not butter or eggs. Actually…we may not even use flour. It’s going to be as delicious as Monica’s but hopefully not as poisonous for any of you. Deal?
I’m going to start with a basic key lime pie, and then I’ll mix chopped fresh kiwi into the batter. Remember: If you are allergic to kiwi, leave it out. Don’t eat it. Relax. Don’t do it.
I’m going to start with a basic key lime pie, and then I’ll mix chopped fresh kiwi into the batter. Remember: If you are allergic to kiwi, leave it out. Don’t eat it. Relax. Don’t do it.
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SPECULOOS COOKIE CRUST
I mean, of course I’m using speculoos cookies, but you can use any graham crackers for the crust. INGREDIENTS:
DIRECTIONS:
KIWI LIME PIE
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 All our ingredients  “It’s hard to believe that just a little while ago this was nothing but ingredients” DIRECTIONS:
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Told you it made a lot! Overflow! (Almost)
This came out very nicely! It’s pretty delicious, and would be even better with whipped cream on top. Sadly, I don’t have any, but one day…one day. Enjoy!
Pac-Man Pie!!!! An homage to Chandler’s Ms. Pac-Man machine, perhaps?
Giveaway Trivia!!
- How does Ross get through the allergy shot?
- In this episode’s main story, Chandler & Joey leave Ben on the bus (!!) and have to pick him up at Human Services. The two idiots have to decide between two similar-looking babies, wearing onesies featuring what designs?
- In Phoebe’s storyline, she protests outside Central Perk for what reason?
- When Phoebe is playing outside, a stranger drops a condom in her guitar case. Who does that stranger turn out to be?
