Epic Holiday Gift Guide: Gifts Other People Will Actually Want

December 14, 2013

Treat yo self!

It’s mid-December, which means too many people are stressing out about what gifts to buy their loved ones for the holidays. What annoys me almost as much as the vast materialism and selfishness that engulfs this time of year is when people buy checklist gifts. What’s a checklist gift, you ask? It’s what I call the kind of present that people buy just to check that recipient off their list, giving absolutely no thought to what might bring the person joy. NB, so we avoid dumb comments, that my preference would be for people to simply enjoy the company of loved ones and not revel in materialism. BUT. If our society is going to make Christmastime about giving presents, at least make them good presents! Did you really think I’d enjoy the DVDs of ‘American Horror Story’? (I know it’s a great show, but I can’t watch anything remotely scary or dark. Even if just the lighting is dark. People who know me know that!) Or body wash that was tested on animals and smells like a French prostitute? Or, meanest of all, toe socks? (I have webbed toes…toe socks are like giving a toothless person an apple.) Even just writing “Hey you’re nice” on a piece of paper is a better gift for me than those three things. But those things are perfect for other people. You just have to consider the recipient! They say ‘it’s the thought that counts’ for a reason. If you are going to do presents, do them well or don’t do them at all (and focus instead on what the holidays are really about – miracle babies).

Screw you and all your toes.

Most gift guides feature a lot of nice things that the compiler of the guide would like to get, all based on that writer’s personality. This is almost as bad! You guys don’t care what I want, right? (I mean, it’s no secret: I want tickets to every Broadway show I haven’t yet seen, plus a private audience with politicians so that I may yell at them.) What I want won’t help you in your gifting endeavor. Hell, I hate most of the stuff on this list. But the people with the personalities I describe will love it. That’s the point! You have to think about the actual person.
Also, I wanted to make a list based on personality types. I dumbed down the descriptors a tad, and I’m sure you’ll think, hey that describes different kinds of people! But for the most part it works doing it this way. You won’t find any crap below about e.g. “What to Buy Your Friend Who Loves Movies” because a) everyone freaking loves movies and b) if you have a friend whose main defining characteristic is loving movies, you don’t need help buying him a gift. See, e.g., ‘What To Get Your Friend Who Loves Baseball”; “What To Get Your Friend Who Loves Working Out”; “What To Get Your Friend Who Loves Cooking With Fancy Olive Oils”.
No more checklist gifts! You with me? Let’s get started.

For the man who isn’t necessarily lazy but really likes his couch

He probably already has a gaming system of choice, but if not, you gotta maximize couch time with this. Or just some new (not excessively violent?) games.

KEEP vegan sneakers, $55-$85. Perhaps sneakers will inspire him to go outside more? Also, all their shoes are so cute and comfortable.

Chalkboard wall decal, $13, Target. Ignore the pot roast and this is the coolest way to stay organized, like, ever.

Comfy robes from Target: $20. Gotta keep it covered!

The Bathroom Guestbook, Uncommon Goods, $15. Because, as Phoebe once said, “I like having things to read in the bathroom.” Goes for writing too.

Star Wars Cake Pan, $13. Who wouldn’t want to bake with this??

Guns, Germs, And Steel, $8 for Kindle. I’m sure he reads on the couch. Why not read one of the best nonfiction books ever?

For the dapper dan who thinks you’re never fully dressed without a smile but doesn’t really smile

Jack & Jones bow tie set, $40. Bow ties are cool.

Riedel Amadeo Wine Decanter, $360. Man alive, I’M obsessed with Riedel decanters and I don’t even like wine.

Mad Men iPhone case, $15, Etsy. Some of the cool might rub off.

Velvet blazer, $136 from River Island on ASOS. Every hipster’s staple.

Pork Pie Hat, $36, ASOS. Every guy needs a hat he can pull off.

Canvas Messenger Bag, $20, Target. For day.

For the guy who always raves about the new Daft Punk song

Guitar Serving Plate, $38, Uncommon Goods. Pretty awesome.

Red Beanie, $14, ASOS. Hip people love red hats.

Escort Remixed CD, $9. “If you like Daft Punk, you’ll love Escort”, so they say.

River Island Shawl Collar Sweater, $63. Every guy needs this kind of sweater.

Jack & Jones cop belt, $18.

Pizza Stone, $50. I mean, hipsters, pizza stones, you gotta have it.

For the bright-eyed guy who always makes you smile

Make Your Own Ukelele Kit, $40, Uncommon Goods. Because who doesn’t want to do this?

Wind-up Tardis, $10, Modcloth.

Neutral Milk Hotel CD, $10. Because it’s amazing.

Calzone mold, $13, Williams Sonoma. Because the guy who always makes you smile is Ben Wyatt, and he loves calzones.

Reindeer tie, $14, ASOS

Baby superheroes iPhone case, $7, Etsy. I mean this is so cute I want one for myself.

Compass cuff links, $22, Etsy. Because they point towards happiness.

For that guy who is soo British, but isn’t really

Flat cap, Espirit, $35. I would vote that this is the #1 most worn hat style in London.

Chukka canvas boots, ASOS, $40. They look right.

Champagne saber, $300, Williams Sonoma. BECAUSE WHAT IS THIS!!!!!!!! I’m no alcohol aficionado, but are sabers really necessary?? (yes I want one.)

Bike print doormat, $25, Uncommon Goods. To wipe of your Wellies!

Red checked scarf, Jack Wills, $59. Really, this guy just needs an assortment of scarves.

The Swell Season CD, $11. One of the greatest living musicians happens to be Irish. Realize with this CD that ‘Once’ was not a one-off miracle.

For the travelers

Travel HoodiePillow, $20. I AM SO OBSESSED WITH THIS! I always wear hoodies on planes, trains, and other dirty seatbacks, but this…this adds my favorite thing in the world, a pillow. Amazing.

Custom Vintage Map Cuff links, $24, Etsy. I love these! I’d wear these myself if I knew what cuff links did.

Travel journal, $13, Modcloth. This notebook is so adorable and, having already bought one for someone probably reading this (hi!), it’s the perfect size. I need to write down everything when I travel, else it falls through the colander brain, and I’m pretty sure that’s the case for everyone.

‘Where China Meets India’ book, $8. No matter how much one has traveled, there’s always more to see. My current recommendation is Burma. Check out my stories about it on the TRAVEL page.

Patagonia 22L backpack, $129. I’m a total believer in Patagonia equipment. My carryon has lasted through some pretty tough use, and somehow it fits stuff like Mary Poppins’ bag.

Vegan passport, $8. Be able to communicate your dietary needs in a whopping 73 countries! That’s imprasible.

Scratch map, $20, Uncommon Goods. How awesome is this? You scratch off where you’ve been! One day mine will be all blue…

For the mature female relatives (moms, aunts, sisters maybe)

Smoky Glass Decanter set, $60, Etsy. Prettayyy fance.

“Life After Life”, $8 for Kindle, This book is amazing, and older ladies can’t stop talking about it. Make that the case for your ladies too!

Telecharge gift card. Better than the baby Jesus.

Murano glass dessert plates (6), $22, Target. These are purdy.

A Real Hoot Cookie Jar, $68, Anthropologie. Omigod I adore this so much! It would bring such cheer to any kitchen.

Josee Blouse, $118, Anthropologie. Ladies like sophisticated blouses. That was LL Cool J’s original name.

Pretty Pansy Vase, $28, Anthropologie. So pretty!

For that friend who can pull shit off

Adelaide Plaid Boots, $45, Ruche. How cool are these boots? I could never pull them off. But I know a gal who can and so do you. I love cool vegan boots!

Novella Ball Skirt, $188, Anthropologie. I’m obsessed with how beautiful this skirt is!

“Me Before You”, $7 for Kindle. It’s a good book. Anyone would love it, but I’m extra feeling it for this gal.

Cardboard unicorn head, $30, Uncommon Goods. How cool is this. Come on. How cool is this. The perfect antidote to anyone ever putting actual heads on walls.

Jumpsuit, $50, Modcloth. Seriously, I do the slow clap for anyone who can wear a jumpsuit like this. Or a jumpsuit at all. I am envious.

Winter knot hat, $23, Modcloth. I actually have a hat like this. I look like I’m in a silent film when I wear it (not in a good way).

Minimarket Pleat Wedges, $215, ASOS. I mean…these are insane. If I saw someone wearing them I would high five them. I wouldn’t actually make contact, though, for fear of knocking her over.

For your childlike (not childish, it’s different) friend who brightens your day, or at least tries to

Avian Flight Pillow, $78, Anthropologie. How gorgeous is this pillow? It’s so eerily calming and so lovely.

Owl Bath Mat, $30, Modcloth. Can you make showers adorable? Yes, yes you can.

Capelli skirt, $198, Anthropologie. Don’t you want to twirl in it?

Tea & Crumpets Apron, $32, Anthropologie. My favorite of the many adorable aprons at this store, this apron is cute enough to wear as regular clothes. I wouldn’t, but it is.

Matilda Cast Recording, $10. Seriously, if your friend doesn’t have this yet, you have an obligation to give it to her/him. Actually, if YOU don’t have it yet, do yourself a favor and go buy it. Aaaamazing.

Carved gourd vase, $24, Anthropologie. I’m dangerously obsessed with this beautiful vase. It doesn’t even need flowers. I love it!

Butterfly silicon cake mold, $10, Etsy. It’s so cute, you would probably get butterfly-shaped cake in return.

Yellow Sunglasses, $15, Ruche. She brightens up your day, why not brighten up her face?

For your adventurous friend who likes to test her limits and finds silver linings

South Rim Lace-Up Boots, $43, Ruche. These are so perfect for mountainous hiking, right?

Merry Hempsters Lip Balm with SPF, $3. If you are going outside, wear sunscreen – on your lips too!

Primal Strips, 99c. Perfect protein-packed snack for camping, hiking, travel, whatever!

“Where’d You Go, Bernadette?” by Maria Semple, $10. One of my favorite books not just of this year but ever, this novel is hilarious, heartstring-pulling, and also inspiring, adventure-wise.

Cinched Jacket, $58, Modcloth. Perfect for outdoorsy activities, especially in gross weather.

Portable Ping Pong Set, $40, Uncommon Goods. OMG YOU CAN TURN ANY TABLE INTO A PING PONG TABLE!!!

For your friend who always has water, snacks, tissues, gum, toy cars, and books on her

Slouchy Vegan Tote 3 bag set, $68, Free People. I love this faux leather bag set SO much (I own it in black and cream). You get the huge ass tote, plus a small wristlet, and a medium pouch that folds into a clutch or stays full-sized for a computer or tablet. And the big tote is reversible! It’s amazing.

Game of Thrones Book Series, $5-10. If you have a big bag, you’re the person who can actually leave the house with these gigantic (amazing) books. Go for it!

Scalloped Pencil Skirt, $78, Anthropologie. The person who always has to carry big bags will appreciate skirts with pockets!

B Fresh Vegan Gum, $2. This gum has B12! There’s only so much nooch you can eat between meals.

Purse Organizer, $18, The Container Store. It’s a big tote bag; you gotta keep that shit organized!

For your friend who has a new apartment/ office/fiance/hairdo/neck

Deer Print, $78, Anthropologie. This would look beautiful hanging in any kind of room. So cheerful yet somehow grim.

Dry Erase Blue Frame, $10, Jonathan Adler for Target. UMM How much fun is it to draw on your walls? You’re able to erase it from this doodad! I love it!

Bose QuietComfort 15 Noise Cancelling Headphones, $269, Amazon. There is nothing worse than moving to a new apartment and discovering that you have noisy neighbors. I hate noisy neighbors. Save your friend’s sanity with these.

White Poppy Vase, $20, Anthropologie. It’s so lovely and sweet, and it’s the only reasonably priced Anthro thing on this list!

Edelweiss Vanity Mirror, $128, Anthropologie. So pretty!

For the friend who sends you equal numbers of animal videos and Jezebel articles

Cat Print Tights, $4, Amazon. Perfect for pretty much every vegan, at least the ones on the PPK.

Kinky Boots Cast Recording, $11. Cyndi Lauper wrote the super fun music for this show about tolerance and understanding different people.

Furry Bunny Pajama Set, $44, Francesca’s. More bunnies, and these you can wear!

Giraffe Trinket Dish, $16, Anthropologie. Gotta put those trinkets on something!

Measuring Hedges, $36, Anthropologie. I know I’ve posted way too much stuff from Anthro but it’s all amazing. These are MEASURING CUPS shaped like HEDGEHOGS. I can’t even.

Inflatable Unicorn Head, $6, Urban Outfitters. No words are necessary. Thanks PPK for the tip.

Bunny Bookends, $68, Anthropologie. Bunnies are holding up the books! Can you stand it?

The Sexual Politics of Meat by Carol J. Adams, $17, Amazon. A must-read for anyone interested in feminism, politics, meat…

For the romantic who goes to holiday parties hoping to reenact a movie scene

Eternal Bliss Bow Dress, $59, Ruche. Straight out of a rom com, and begging for amazing accessories…and turns of events.

Ain’t It Grandeur Necklace, $20, Modcloth. Pretty!

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green, $4 for Kindle. The greatest YA book ever, with a superbly written and realistic young female character and just…dammit it’s so good.

Paris Scene Wall Decal, $13, Target. Paris is considered the most romantic city for dern good reason. Doesn’t this just soften your cold, dark heart?

The Light in the Piazza Cast Recording, $19, Amazon. Without a doubt, this score is the most beautiful, pure, and, yes, romantic of the past 2 decades. It features early star turns by Matthew Morrison, Kelli O’Hara, and a heartbreaking Tony-winning performance by Vicky Clark. It’s amazing. Get it. You’ll cry 100 times over.

First Act Flats, $50, Modcloth. Velvet + burgundy = perfection. Don’t these evoke a heart-racing scene of flirting politics in like a map-studded, mahogany-filled study? With glasses of whiskey?

For your friend who spent some soul-searching time in an ashram in India yet still makes fun of people’s appearances

A slap in the face

For your sophisticated friend who would have been more comfortable in a different decade, always looks cool, and liked American Hustle only for the costumes

Tribal Arrows Embellished Shift, $168, Free People.

Laguna Woven Clutch Purse, $46, Ruche. Almost as perfect as mint green bathroom tile and orange and brown carpets .

Vintage ’70s sunglasses, $50, Etsy. How cool are these! So cool. The free-cut frames are sick.

Pippin Cast Recording, $12. One of the most complex musicals, Pippin’s 1970s-style score by Stephen Schwartz remains an outstanding achievement. The revival cast, last year’s Tony winner, is ridiculously amazing.

Gold Pyramid Stud Bracelet, $121 on sale for $40, Kenneth Jay Lane on ASOS. This bracelet is too cool.

Balmore House Fascinator, $19, Ruche. FASCINATORRRRS! Mount up!

Ankara Knot Necklace, $34, Francesca’s. Gotta have a knot necklace. You just gotta!

For the adorable baker

Scalloped Celebration Cake Stand, $24, Anthropologie. Love!

Izmir measuring cups, $20, Anthropologie. This store makes me feel bad about my paltry, plain, boring measuring cups. Look at these! They are art.

Macaron kit, $40, Amazon. A few people have actually successfully made vegan macarons, so I predict these will be the new hot thing to make, with little boutique shops popping up everywhere. Let your friend get ahead of the trend!

Detailed Decorating Pen, $15, Williams Sonoma. I’m all for the cut-the-tip-off-a-Ziplock trick, but real tools are nice.

Dandies Vegan Marshmallows, $5, Pangea. There is so much baking to be done with vegan marshmallows, yet people are wary of spending too much money on them. Hell, I’m still hoarding my pack from Vida Vegan Con for no good reason other than that I’m cheap. Make a baker’s day with more!

Sea to Dining Sea Apron, $38, Modcloth. Now this I would wear as a dress.

For the woman who keeps her heels on during the commute, traveled to Hong Kong, and uses proper silverware

Deco Inspired Earrings, $85, Candy Shop by St. John. So hot right now.

Midnight Kiss Ring, $9, Ruche. Such a cool piece!

Dazzle Me Brooch, $80, Candy Shop. So cool.

Sequined Bolero, $83, Ruche. Prettayy fance.

For the friend who wears cardigans to work, writes in an actual journal, and wears non-prescription glasses because they look cute

Singin’ in the Shower Curtain, $25, Modcloth. I want to redo my shower so I need a curtain just for this amazing one.

Blue Ridge Bash Hat, $35, Modcloth. Perfect for this person, I’m telling you.

Soho Lock Crossbody Bag, $44, Francesca’s. Great color, great style.

Musical Wine Glasses, $65, Uncommon Goods. Guys — these glasses show you how to play the water glasses! And you get the right notes! You can be Miss Congeniality! It’s the coolest thing ever!