Veganizing "Friends": The Moistmaker, or MY SANDWICH?!?!?!?! (Plus Stuffing Recipe!)by Randi / December 2, 2013
That’s a huge mother… |
…shut yo mouth! |
Bigger than the pool
For Thanksgiving, my best friend gave me a squash she bought at the farmers market. I know you’re thinking, how nice is that! What a lovely friend! Squash can feed people! You know what else squash can do? KILL PEOPLE. You know what else? DEMOLISH TALL BUILDINGS.
Yeah, so my friend gave me the BIGGEST SQUASH IN THE ENTIRE WORLD (that wasn’t entered into some sick contest of genetically mutated growths at a county faire or anything), the enormous Blue Hubbard Squash. With a slightly blue-tinted skin, this squash weighed about 15 pounds and gave me the shivers. For days (weeks? I lost track of time. no it was just days) I stared at it, half hoping to get inspired as to its uses, and half hoping to somehow break it open with my mind. I sat there with my hands on it, hoping that through osmosis my desires would lead the monster to freak the eff out and shake shake shake senora and then crack open. Pretty much I couldn’t figure out how to open it, ok? My collection of 31 knives was no match for this.
And then. And then. And gentlemen and then. My mom and I did this:
Yeah, so my friend gave me the BIGGEST SQUASH IN THE ENTIRE WORLD (that wasn’t entered into some sick contest of genetically mutated growths at a county faire or anything), the enormous Blue Hubbard Squash. With a slightly blue-tinted skin, this squash weighed about 15 pounds and gave me the shivers. For days (weeks? I lost track of time. no it was just days) I stared at it, half hoping to get inspired as to its uses, and half hoping to somehow break it open with my mind. I sat there with my hands on it, hoping that through osmosis my desires would lead the monster to freak the eff out and shake shake shake senora and then crack open. Pretty much I couldn’t figure out how to open it, ok? My collection of 31 knives was no match for this.
And then. And then. And gentlemen and then. My mom and I did this:
THAT’S RIGHT! We put that crazy mother hubbard in a trash bag and dropped it off the deck. Happy Thanksgiving, here’s a trashbag full of smashed orange goop! (The trashbag part was genius, and necessary, though.) NB that right before Operation Dumbo Drop, my dad was yelling about how it would crack the cement and he’d have to redo the backyard because of it. That’s how scared we all were of this thing. We promised my dad that we wouldn’t drop it, but then we did. It’s what Thanksgiving is all about. Luckily, no property damage occurred, and guess what – it worked PERFECTLY.
Wafting through trash clouds |
Look at how nicely the ground carved up my squash! It cracked beautifully into 7-8 easier-to-manage sections, and I got going. It took about an hour to skin and cube all of the squash, and it made a good 10 cups of uncooked cubes. That’s a lot, so we’re going to have 3 different posts about What I Did With The Hubbard Squash. First up: Kidney Bean & Hubbard Squash stew!
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KIDNEY BEAN & BLUE HUBBARD SQUASH STEW
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Ingredients:
Directions:
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This isn’t even all of it 
I don’t even try to take good soup pictures. Especially when it’s orange. There’s just no saving it. 
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This stew is very comforting and hearty, perfect for these increasingly cold evenings. Or days; it’s all dark outside, who can tell the difference. Anyway, all the squash pictured is what I had after making this soup, so more Blue Hubbard squash recipes will be coming! And thanks best friend!
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Vegan Guide to Michelin Restaurants: Asador Extebarri in Axpe, Spain
*This post is part of a series in which I eat fancy Michelin-starred meals and then brag about it.
In a tiny town 30 minutes outside Bilbao, Spain stands a little cottage where wood-fired magic is created. Asador Extebarri, a one-Michelin-starred restaurant in the Axpe region, is famous for grilling pretty much everything on the menu. Given its cookery method, I was nervous going there as a vegan, even though they assured me I could be well accommodated. Would I just be given 20 courses of grilled vegetables? How special can that be? Really, really, ridiculously special, it turns out.
So fancy once you get escorted upstairs !
Tucked away in the middle of nowhere, Extebarri is really a lovely spot. It looks like the Baker’s stone cottage or something from the outside, but when you enter it’s a rollicking bar filled with locals. At first, I was confused, looking at the bar patrons and thinking, hmm is this what people are wearing to eat at this super fance restaurant? What is this, Broadway today? But no, the bar is just, like, the local bar! Once the restaurant is ready for you, they will escort you upstairs, where the atmosphere and the decor are completely different.
The servers were uniformly friendly and they tried to be helpful (the language barrier kept me from comprehending what exactly they were describing each dish as). Like most Michelin restaurants, it was a set menu of an insane number of courses, and they already had the vegan menu printed up and placed inside my menu booklet. These menus, by the way, are probably bigger than you are:
The servers were uniformly friendly and they tried to be helpful (the language barrier kept me from comprehending what exactly they were describing each dish as). Like most Michelin restaurants, it was a set menu of an insane number of courses, and they already had the vegan menu printed up and placed inside my menu booklet. These menus, by the way, are probably bigger than you are:
The enormous menu blocking most of Husband (which is why I’m allowed to post this) |
The veg menu |
As you can see, the vegan menu looks mainly like an assortment of plain vegetables. I’m sure the other vegans out there have groaned as much as I have when restaurants say they can feed you and end up giving you the ubiquitous ‘Grilled Vegetable Plate’. It’s the worst, right? So boring and you’re like ugh I could do this at home but I wouldn’t because I’m a good cook and can make more interesting food. Well. That’s because the vegetables weren’t grilled at Asador Extebarri. There’s no way in hell you could make vegetables as incredible as these Michelin-starred ones were. We toured the ‘kitchen’, which was more like a complex wood shed, with piles upon piles of different kinds of wood, each one perfect for grilling a different food. It’s all very detailed and complicated and woodsy. The ‘stoves’ consist of lever and pulley systems for ensuring that each dish and each dish’s components remain the proper distance from the fire. Who knew that wood-firing was such an intricate art? It all lends itself to some of the most perfect and delicious vegetable dishes imaginable. Some were a little boring, yes, and some were normal levels of good, but then some of these dishes were superb.
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In contrast to most fancy restaurants with crazy endless tasting menus, we were given bread at the start. And then — it never stopped! Erma P! So good. I love bread. And these lovely Spaniards gave us like huge baguette halves constantly instead of little hunks every now and then. So funny. Although, in hindsight, considering how painfully full we were not even halfway through the meal, eating all this bread was probably a bad idea.
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Enormous bread |
So hey let’s start reviewing the 100 or so plates I was served! The order of the menu was not strictly adhered to so that my dishes lined up better with Husband’s, which I appreciated, but they still got to all the dishes listed, which I appreciated more. (The first time they skipped a few I was like NO BRING ME FOOD but they brought those later. (Audra McDonald skipped a song once in her concert program and DIDN’T go back and get to it so that’s still like something keeping me up at night.))
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First up was a little treat from the kitchen, small grilled bread (more bread!) with tomato and salt and the greatest olive oil I’ve tasted in years. Oh mannn. So freaking good!
The first real courses for me were Salad Leaves and Lettuce Hearts. Husband can tell you that most of my Salads that I make at home only consist of Lettuce Hearts, so I was curious to see what the difference was here. Apparently, Lettuce Hearts are self-explanatory and Salad Leaves are curlier lettuces. Also, Lettuce Hearts all over Spain come with wayyy too much onion. I can’t eat an entire onion’s worth of raw onion. I’ll do my best but come on. It’s raw onion. And not even cippolini oh-nee-on. Husband was like, you have to eat all that onion, it’s like a $20 onion. No, thank you though. Anyway, both were nice and fresh and very lightly dressed (thank you, I hate too much dressing), but pretty basic. It was nice to have something simple and fresh to start but it did make me nervous for what was to come. I should not have been! My first warm vegetable dish was the Golden Chanterelles. Mushrooms have always been one of my favorite foods, dating back from when I thought they only came on top of pizza and I felt it too basic to say that pizza was my favorite food because that’s everyone’s favorite food. But now mushrooms are legit my faves, so this dish was very exciting. I particularly love that they came in a little personal pan. I wanted to ask if I could keep it but we were traveling EasyJet sooo no room. Anyway, the mushrooms were really good, smoky and just firm enough. Weirdly, though, I preferred the saltier, oiler, more garlicky mushrooms from Busterri. Maybe the Golden Chanterelles just needed a pinch of salt, or maybe my mushroom tastes are akin to my chocolate taste (I prefer cheaper sugary milkier chocolate to ‘high quality’ dark because yummy).
Next up was one of my favorites, Cream of Beans. It’s a normal bean soup but I love that name and I was so stoked to finally have beans! It was easy (too easy!) to find veggies all weekend in Bilbao, but impossible to get any vegan protein in restaurants. Hurray for beans! It was a lovely soup.
The following vegetable grilled to perfection was the artichokes, or according to the totally descriptive and helpful menu, Artichoke. These were splendid little oiled and salted buggers that I could eat 1000 of. They had a light balsamicky drizzle that was just the right, subtle amount (too much is the worst). Hot damn they were so good!
The one-two punch of the Artichoke with the next dish, the Leek, was the most impressive section of the meal. Looking at the picture to the right, you’re probably thinking, omg, that is the least impressive dish I have ever seen in any restaurant ever. Well, that might be true, but it was also one of the best tasting. These were freaking plain grilled leeks with olive oil and salt, but whichever wood they were grilled on at whichever lever/pulley height they used made them actually magical. Seriously I cannot imagine any leek in any other preparation ever being as phuhnom as these were. My recommendation to try Extebarri if you have the chance is 70% based on these leeks.
I was confused about whether the next dish was the Baby Beans or the Green Peas, but we decided they were the Baby Beans because Husband’s menu also came with Green Peas so we got them at the same time. They look exactly the same though. These were yummy and hey more beans! I’m getting so strong!
Beetroot was next, and if ever there were beets to convince you that not all beets taste like dirt (#NotAllBeets), it was these. They were a bit tart with their natural juices mixing with vinegar? maybe? (we couldn’t understand most things the waiters said, and sometimes they simply said “I don’t know how to say this in English. Enjoy!”), but whatever was going on, it worked. I would have preferred only two beet pieces instead of four, because this is where I started to get hella full.
Another mushroom dish came next yay! These March Mushrooms were fluffier than the sauteed-seeming Chanterelles, and they were in a subtle and delicious vegetable broth. I don’t know if March Mushrooms is a kind of mushroom or if they were just what was growing in March (when we were there…which makes more sense…) but either way I’m sold. They had a cool texture almost of raw mushrooms but with the much better taste of cooked.
Next were those tricky little Green Peas! They came in an adorable little cup and they were so delicious. Fresh peas are incredible and life-changing; if you haven’t had them before and have only had frozen peas in your life then you need to go to a farmers market and buy fresh peas and make something with them because they are amazing but what you make won’t be as amazing as this little cup of perfect peas was.
Some of you may know that I’m not the world’s biggest red pepper fan. Traipsing around Europe, I see tons of little kids eating raw red pepper strips out of little baggies and I’m like KIDS, simmer down with that nonsense, don’t you know there’s candy in the world? I can’t do raw pepper unless they’re overcrowded with other tastes. Cooked red pepper is only a little bit better for me. Well. Despite my semi-aversion, and despite my being stuffed beyond belief by the time this giant plate of red peppers arrived, I ate the entire thing. These red peppers were omg. Ridiculous. I lightly dragged a tine of my fork (my fork!) across them and it cut right through without any effort. They just fell apart and were heaven. Who knew?
The next dish was hilarious. The cute little bowl of ‘Cereals’, as the menu says, tasted EXACTLY. LIKE. SUGAR SMACKS. You know the cereal with the frog? This was them in the fancy form. The cereals were puffed spelt and other grains mixed with sliced nuts and a sugar syrup. I was very impressed when someone came out from the kitchen to ask me if I would eat honey, and when I said no said they would be bringing my dish after they remedied the error of their assumption. It was worth the short wait, though I do wish it came with the desserts and not in the middle of more savory items. I mean, after all, it was sugar smacks. Sooo good!
You may recall that I got full many, many dishes ago, so you can assume that by this point I was in actual pain. We all were. So we could only laugh when actual normal-restaurant-entree-sized ‘mains’ came out next. Mine was an excellent black truffle risotto. Considering we were in the land where they actually sell the Thermomix, we cracked up saying ‘Hot wet rice! It’s hot wet rice!’ over and over. Side note, laughing hysterically while painfully full is not a smart thing to do. But this was delicious hot wet rice.
Between my savories and my dessert courses and while Husband was given like his 14th piece of steak, I was presented with a goblet of pineapple water ice. It was very mild, mostly ice and not pineapple, but at this point in the meal it was a perfect palate cleanser. It also helped my full belly feel better. ALSO, it was called ‘Water Pineapple’, which I think was just supposed to be Pineapple Water Ice except ‘water ice’ is only a Philly thing so really I just don’t know.
On to dessert! I am used to getting boring plates of fresh fruit at most places, even when it’s fancy, even when they say they can accommodate me, but it’s still a little disappointing to not get something more interesting. Well, this was the most interesting plate of fresh fruit. The strawberries were grilled so they had a rich smoky flavor that worked so well, I really couldn’t get over it. It was accompanied by fresh edible flower petals and a fantastically weird and unique blood orange gel. I don’t know how they made that gel or how they magicked the smoky strawberries but it was all good.
My final (almost there!) course was Baked Apple with Pure Cocoa. I usually don’t like fruit with chocolate but I figured it would be nice here and got excited. I should have realized ‘Pure Cocoa’ meant ‘unsweetened chocolate’ — it was really freaking pure and super bitter with not a trace of sweetness! Yeesh! Mixed with the delicious baked apple it was better, but the apple would have been better without the chocolate or with some kind of plain sorbet (ice cream is too much to ask for).
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Little leaves little leaves little innocent leaves 
The Golden Chanterelles (Will you still love meee tomorrowwwww DO YOU GET IT LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS IF YOU KNOW WHY THAT GOT IN MY HEAD) 
Cream of the bean yeah yeah yeah oh how I love the cream of the bean 
Amazing Artichokes 
Beyond Leeks 
Baby Beans 
Beets beets they are good 
March Mushrooms 
Little green peas, buddy!!! 
Red Pepper Starfish 
‘Cereals’ 
HOT WET RICE! 
Water pineapple? What is that? Is that a thing? 
Grilled strawberries with blood orange gel 
Baked apple and sad cocoa |
It was still a nice end to a wonderful meal. If you are ever in Bilbao or wanting a reason to go there (well, the outskirts), I can highly recommend this restaurant. It’s very expensive, yes, but it’s an experience. Oh, and our 8:30pm reservation (seated promptly) got us out the door by about 1:30am…so…plan accordingly.
GETTING THERE
As I mentioned in my Bilbao guide, it was nearly impossible to figure out how to use the trains, not only because of the language barrier, but because apparently no one worked in the stations! All-day siestas? Anyway, we ended up having to take a taxi to Axpe for Asador Extebarri. The same driver that picked us up at our hotel drove us home at the end of the night (in the morning, really) and was extremely good (no looking at phones or anything!). His name is Eduardo at CLASS Servicio de Taxi and his local number is 637-505-212.
As I mentioned in my Bilbao guide, it was nearly impossible to figure out how to use the trains, not only because of the language barrier, but because apparently no one worked in the stations! All-day siestas? Anyway, we ended up having to take a taxi to Axpe for Asador Extebarri. The same driver that picked us up at our hotel drove us home at the end of the night (in the morning, really) and was extremely good (no looking at phones or anything!). His name is Eduardo at CLASS Servicio de Taxi and his local number is 637-505-212.
ASADOR EXTEBARRI, AXPE SPAIN
Water speed: Pretty good, but like all restaurants of this caliber, it’s bottled. You don’t really notice that charge amid the rest of it, but still. I know it’s common outside the U.S. but I am spoiled!
Service: Very friendly and kind. In the beginning of the meal, I felt a little bit rushed, which probably is responsible for getting full so quickly. They got their pacing down better as we went on. Also, they couldn’t explain some dishes in English, which obviously is my problem and not theirs, but it’s worth knowing if you go.
Bathrooms: Nice and clean although I was scared that the extraordinarily heavy lock didn’t work.
Food: Really great! Some dishes were average, but more were wonderful.
Bonus: A very fancy restaurant where you can join in the experience even as a vegan!
