Veganizing "Friends": The Moistmaker, or MY SANDWICH?!?!?!?! (Plus Stuffing Recipe!)by Randi / December 2, 2013
That’s a huge mother… |
…shut yo mouth! |
Bigger than the pool
For Thanksgiving, my best friend gave me a squash she bought at the farmers market. I know you’re thinking, how nice is that! What a lovely friend! Squash can feed people! You know what else squash can do? KILL PEOPLE. You know what else? DEMOLISH TALL BUILDINGS.
Yeah, so my friend gave me the BIGGEST SQUASH IN THE ENTIRE WORLD (that wasn’t entered into some sick contest of genetically mutated growths at a county faire or anything), the enormous Blue Hubbard Squash. With a slightly blue-tinted skin, this squash weighed about 15 pounds and gave me the shivers. For days (weeks? I lost track of time. no it was just days) I stared at it, half hoping to get inspired as to its uses, and half hoping to somehow break it open with my mind. I sat there with my hands on it, hoping that through osmosis my desires would lead the monster to freak the eff out and shake shake shake senora and then crack open. Pretty much I couldn’t figure out how to open it, ok? My collection of 31 knives was no match for this.
And then. And then. And gentlemen and then. My mom and I did this:
Yeah, so my friend gave me the BIGGEST SQUASH IN THE ENTIRE WORLD (that wasn’t entered into some sick contest of genetically mutated growths at a county faire or anything), the enormous Blue Hubbard Squash. With a slightly blue-tinted skin, this squash weighed about 15 pounds and gave me the shivers. For days (weeks? I lost track of time. no it was just days) I stared at it, half hoping to get inspired as to its uses, and half hoping to somehow break it open with my mind. I sat there with my hands on it, hoping that through osmosis my desires would lead the monster to freak the eff out and shake shake shake senora and then crack open. Pretty much I couldn’t figure out how to open it, ok? My collection of 31 knives was no match for this.
And then. And then. And gentlemen and then. My mom and I did this:
THAT’S RIGHT! We put that crazy mother hubbard in a trash bag and dropped it off the deck. Happy Thanksgiving, here’s a trashbag full of smashed orange goop! (The trashbag part was genius, and necessary, though.) NB that right before Operation Dumbo Drop, my dad was yelling about how it would crack the cement and he’d have to redo the backyard because of it. That’s how scared we all were of this thing. We promised my dad that we wouldn’t drop it, but then we did. It’s what Thanksgiving is all about. Luckily, no property damage occurred, and guess what – it worked PERFECTLY.
Wafting through trash clouds |
Look at how nicely the ground carved up my squash! It cracked beautifully into 7-8 easier-to-manage sections, and I got going. It took about an hour to skin and cube all of the squash, and it made a good 10 cups of uncooked cubes. That’s a lot, so we’re going to have 3 different posts about What I Did With The Hubbard Squash. First up: Kidney Bean & Hubbard Squash stew!
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KIDNEY BEAN & BLUE HUBBARD SQUASH STEW
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Ingredients:
Directions:
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This isn’t even all of it 
I don’t even try to take good soup pictures. Especially when it’s orange. There’s just no saving it. 
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This stew is very comforting and hearty, perfect for these increasingly cold evenings. Or days; it’s all dark outside, who can tell the difference. Anyway, all the squash pictured is what I had after making this soup, so more Blue Hubbard squash recipes will be coming! And thanks best friend!
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Vegan Bar Food at Local 44, Philly: Gimme All You Got
Local 44 is my JAM, people. It’s the coolest, hippest, raddest neighborhood pub in West Philly. Although it can be overrun with hipsters and Penn kids (I can make fun because I was once both), it has interesting craft beer options (not that I drink it), a challenging and awesome Quizzo night (which I rock), and most importantly amazing vegan food options.
The menu has changed over the years. I remember a Frito Chili Pie and a good veggie burger. However, I’m solidly behind the latest offerings. Hot damn, they are good!
The menu has changed over the years. I remember a Frito Chili Pie and a good veggie burger. However, I’m solidly behind the latest offerings. Hot damn, they are good!
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My friend and I started with 2 of the 3 vegan appetizer options, because that’s how we roll. First, the Spicy Seitan Nuggets, of which you get 5 decent-sized pieces of amazingness. I don’t know how they got the buffalo wing sauce down so perfectly, but they did. It was orangey-red and tangy and spicy like a mother. I was impressed by the actual nuggets too, far from the sponge that seitan can often produce. They were actually quite sturdy and hard to cut, but you’re probably just supposed to bite them like wings. I loved the satisfying bite the texture provided, and the mild ranch dip accompanying them. Definitely a must!
Next, we got the Fried Brussels Sprouts. You might have seen in past posts how much I love Brussels Sprouts, especially when doused in oil and nearly burnt. This is the best way to eat them. These sprouts were cooked really well and melted in your mouth, as fried things should. However, ask for the soy-chili sauce to come on the side. It made the sprouts way too tart and salty, and then the bottom layer got really soggy and even more tart. Sadface.
The third app, which we didn’t order, is popcorn doused in nooch. You can’t go wrong eating at a place that knows nooch+popcorn=love. |
Bars are dark! 
Brussels |
Reuben!
The weirdest thing about the menu? None of the salads are vegan! And 3 of the burgers are! Up is down, left is right. But let’s focus on the good part: 3 burgers! You can choose from the ALT (avocado, lettuce, and fried green tomato), the black bean burger (which is great), and what I’m sure you will order, the Pastrami Spiced Seitan Reuben. I know!
Obviously, my friend and I both ordered the Reubens, because when you have the chance to eat a vegan Reuben, you take that chance by the horns and you eat it.
Oh my goodness, this was a good Reuben. The seitan was sliced so thinly, and the cooks stuffed as much as they possibly could between those slices of bread. It was extremely salty – I think I drank 4 glasses of water just during this course – but that’s how pastrami is supposed to be! I’m glad I asked for the side salad instead of the fries (you can do so for no extra charge!) because I put all those leaves in the sandwich, helping alleviate the saltiness and providing a different cooling texture.
Obviously, my friend and I both ordered the Reubens, because when you have the chance to eat a vegan Reuben, you take that chance by the horns and you eat it.
Oh my goodness, this was a good Reuben. The seitan was sliced so thinly, and the cooks stuffed as much as they possibly could between those slices of bread. It was extremely salty – I think I drank 4 glasses of water just during this course – but that’s how pastrami is supposed to be! I’m glad I asked for the side salad instead of the fries (you can do so for no extra charge!) because I put all those leaves in the sandwich, helping alleviate the saltiness and providing a different cooling texture.
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Do you see how much meat is in there? It can’t be contained! So much! |
This was one of my favorite Reubens, though I wish it came with a bit more Thousand Island dressing and cabbage to counteract the shittonne of meat in there. Because there really is a shittonne! Can you believe all of that? So awesome.
Local 44 definitely has vegan bar food down. You can’t go wrong with any of the current vegan options. And I’m really looking forward to having brunch here – the vegan brunch option is scrambled tofu with homefries and mushroom scrapple. What!
Local 44 definitely has vegan bar food down. You can’t go wrong with any of the current vegan options. And I’m really looking forward to having brunch here – the vegan brunch option is scrambled tofu with homefries and mushroom scrapple. What!
Another great thing about Local 44? It’s a short drive from Little Baby’s Ice Cream Parlor! Little Baby’s is a small-batch ice cream purveyor, and it always has at least 4 non-dairy options. They are uniformly delicious, for hard scoop ice cream (you know how I feel about soft-serve). Also, all of their cookies, for ice cream cookie sandwiches, are vegan! After this dinner, I had a scoop of Smoked Cinnamon ice cream. Pretty darn great.
LOCAL 44
- Water speed: Great! I was drinking insanely fast, due to how salty the food is, and I never got impatient.
- Bathrooms: Surprisingly clean for a bar, though you’ll set off the hand dryer probably 4x.
- Service: Good and friendly. It gets crowded, and busy.
- Food: Great vegan bar options, but beware if you have high blood pressure.
- Bonus: If you’re a beer drinker, you will freaking love this place. They have a bottle shop next door so you can buy your favorite specialty beers. Also, Quizzo!
Veganz, Berlin: If Heaven Had A Storefront…
Berlin is the home of Europe’s first all-vegan grocery store, Veganz, and it is definitely a must on any vegan’s to-do list. While it is chock full of really fun, and some hard-to-find, products, the stock is not necessarily rare or unique. But, the fact that you don’t have to check labels on anything makes this the fun stop it is. Also, all your favorite junk foods are in the same place!
Look at all of these plane snacks!!
Berliners are fortunate enough to have this vegan mecca, but guess what – there are two of them! There’s one store in Friedrichshain, of course, because that is Germany’s East Village for veganism, and one in Prenzlauer Berg. The stores are roughly the same. We actually went back and forth between the two a few times, especially when one didn’t have the soft-serve delivered yet. (I mean what???) But yes, you read right! Both Veganz stores house a cafe called Goodies, which sells cafe food, including bagel sandwiches, pastries, cookies, and vegan soft-serve ice cream! The soft-serve comes from a powder mix, like all addictive drugs, and sometimes it takes all day for that powder to be delivered, apparently, but it’s definitely worth trying because VEGAN SOFT-SERVE! It wasn’t very delicious by any stretch of the imagination, but come on, you can’t pass up trying vegan soft-serve.
Veganz has the most fantastic array of fun convenience foods, from vegan gummies of all sorts (including coke bottles!) to giant pink bags of Manner (which of course I bought and ate real fast). The store also has the greatest round up of daily essentials in the fridge and freezer, which definitely were hard to pass by as a visitor. If you are considering moving to Berlin, I would say that the opportunity to actually purchase these perishable items should put another check in the pro column. They have the European cheeses! Those are the good kinds, so they say! Look at all of that cruelty-free goodness!
Okay, so here is what I bought. Well, here is what made it home. Not everything I bought made it home. It’s like the perfect stop for all of your plane snacks.
As aforementioned, the giant pink bag of Manner is a must-buy. Manner is the greatest wafer cookie treat in the entire world if you don’t know. They sell it all over America in shitty little convenience stores, but it all contains milk in the USA. Ughhh! It makes no sense when the same product changes formula in different countries. Anyway, this one is obviously vegan, so stock up. Oh my lord Manner is the best.
Continuing from the left: That red/coconut Bonbarr was okay, but those purple/nougat Bonbarrs are REVOLTING. Oh my god, do not buy them. They taste like unsweetened baking chocolate that you left unwrapped in a dusty old pantry for so many years that all the current inhabitants of the house with said pantry don’t remember who you are. Don’t buy it.
That Oskri cashew-coconut-cereal bar was really yummy! I’ve loved all Oskri products that I’ve tried, but watch out when you find them in the wild because I think some have honey.
The Vivani black cherry bar is banging, though nothing can beat those cheap Cella chocolate covered cherries for me. But this was great.
Those biona cool cola bottles are just alright. The flavor is spot-on but the gumminess is lacking. It’s more like a soft candy that you’ll just bite through and be like whaat, where’s the gumminess? They sell them at As Nature Intended in London, FYI.
If you’ve never had Primal Strips, you need to go find them right now because they are a godsend for traveling vegans! My friend beanerschnitzel introduced me to them, and I am so grateful because they are amazing! They are soy, seitan, or mushroom-based (depending on the flavor) protein strips that are softer than traditional jerky and much more delicious (and much less disgusting in theory than dried meat). The Thai Peanut is my absolute favorite flavor; it is one of the seitan ones and has the perfect amount of spice and peanuttiness.
That White Chocolate Dairy-Free bar, whose brand name I can no longer make out, is great for baking and was pretty okay for regular eating, but who eats plain white chocolate anyway?
The Moo-free Caramelized Hazelnut Nibs bar is my favorite thing out of the whole gosh darn stash. This chocolate bar was one of the best I’ve ever had! It was just the perfect chocolate depth and the perfect nibby stuff on top. You can’t beat caramelized hazelnuts, so yeah, get a lot of these.
That Chocolate Donut Pastry near the top? That’s from the selection of refrigerated yummies that Veganz sells and it was REMARKABLE. It was like a hard donut that had a creamy filling and a crunchy cookie-like base inside all of that chocolate coating. I want another one very soon.
Baby food pouches are always welcome buys for me, and this apple banana one was yummy. I do prefer my travel baby food with a mix of veggies and fruit, but Veganz only had fruit.
Okay, the Stroopwaffels. These carmelly syruppy waffle cookies are ridiculously good! Oh my goodness I don’t know how to describe them. They are soft but not crumbly, more like softly glued together or something fantastic. And the sweetness isn’t just sugary, it’s like deep and caramelly and beautiful. These are amazing. Except the picture on the wrapper is misleading, because it looks like there are 10 or so cookies inside but there are only 6, so you are going along eating all these amazing cookies and thinking you have so many more before you will have eaten half the package, but then the whole thing is gone.
Amore Mio’s Chocolate Hazelnut treat thing was okay, a little unsubstantial and airy but good.
Fruit leather – no surprises there.
The Giant Gallon Bag of German Fruit Gummies was another of my favorites! Again, the lack of gelatin makes for a very interesting chewiness, in that your bite goes right through a little too easily. But, these tasted great and they are still vegan gummies so yay buy a gallon, why not!
The Nirwana Noir chocolate bar was very interesting. It’s a semisweet chocolate with a nut truffle filling, and as amazing as that sounds, I was surprised that I wanted it to be a little sweeter. Still, definitely worth trying.
That Naturata Stracciatella Kirsch white chocolate bar has the greatest concept and name, definitely, but like all white chocolate bases it was a little lacking in depth. The chocolate cherry bits were really yummy!
So that is Veganz! I hope this helps you decide what to buy. When it doubt, buy it all.
