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“Challenge Accepted”: Vegan Chocolate Rugelach (Ohh Yeahhh)

November 5, 2013
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      Welcome back to the “Challenge Accepted” series! Today, we are making vegan rugelach, a traditional Jewish pastry in which a triangle of dough is wrapped around a filling. My food guru Elli challenged me to make them, and because she is the wise expert on all good food in Philly, we listen to her. 
     
       In our discussion of the amazing treat, Elli warned that any decent rugelach must contain cream cheese in the dough. A quick internet search will prove that most people claiming to make authentic rugelach have no idea what they are talking about (i.e., no cream cheese in the dough). (They are probs the ones who don’t know how to say the ‘ch’ sound at the end of the word. #goy). Elli also said that, if making chocolate rugelach (which of course I was going to do; screw fruit filling unless it’s for hamentashen), wrapping the dough around a pile of chocolate chips is cheating. Hell no was I going to cheat, so we are using the same chocolate-cinnamon filling from our delicious babka experience.  It adds a bit of work, but it is absolutely worth it. In fact, the extra work from using that filling actually makes the wrapping part easier: The filling is a big square to be laid right on top of the dough, so I rolled the dough into logs instead of wrapping 30 individual crescent rolls. I know, I know, after all the “I’m not going to cheat!” mumbo jumbo, you’re probably like, “Omigod you are so cheating with the wrapping!” Hush your face and go make some rugelach. 
       As you’ve probably learned, I do not like sharing recipes that have hard-to-find ingredients or that use ready-made things. For chrissakes, I made Cheesy Blasters from scratch. But this was my first attempt at rugelach, so I used ready-made vegan cream cheese. Now that I have some experience, I’ll work on a homemade substitute to use next time so those of you without access to vegan cream cheese can make these.. For those of you who can find vegan cream cheese, definitely buy a tub and use it all in this recipe! It’s worth it! 

VEGAN CHOCOLATE-CINNAMON RUGELACH 

INGREDIENTS: 
For the DOUGH: 

  • 8 oz. vegan cream cheese
  • 8 oz. vegan butter (I know)
  • 2C flour
  • 1/2t salt
  • 1/2C sugar
  • 1t vanilla extract

For the FILLING: 

  • 10 oz. semi-sweet chocolate
  • 1/4C vegan butter
  • 2t cinnamon 

DIRECTIONS:

  1. Mix your dry dough ingredients together in a mixing bowl.
  2. Drop dollops of the cream cheese and butter into the dry mixture.
  3. Cut the mix together with a pastry cutter. (You can also pulse it all in a food processor, but yikes more shite to clean up.)
  4. While you are using the pastry cutter, drip your vanilla across the bowl.
  5. The mixture will look somewhat pebbly, but much more moist (sorry) than when making pie crust. When you are done cutting in the fat, the dough should easily come into a moist (sorry!) ball with your hands. 
  6. Knead several times. 
  7. Break the dough into 2 balls, flatten into disks, and wrap in plastic wrap. Refrigerate for at least 2 hours.

While the dough is in the fridge: 
For the filling: 

  1. Melt the chocolate and butter together over low heat.
  2. Once it is nearly all melted, turn off heat, stir in the cinnamon, and continue stirring slowly until all the chocolate is melted.
  3. Cover a big baking sheet with parchment or wax paper.
  4. Pour the chocolate over the paper and spread into as thin a layer as possible. 
  5. Refrigerate for 2 hours or until firm.
Assembly: 

  1. Take the dough disks out of the fridge and let thaw for about 45 minutes. 
  2. Preheat the oven to 350°.
  3. Roll out each disk to about 1/4 inch thickness, rolling it not into a square but into a rectangle, about 2x as long as it is wide.  
  4. Break the sheet of chocolate in half and place directly on top of the rolled-out dough. Break it into whatever pieces and shapes necessary to cover the dough. 
  5. Roll it up from the long side over, so you are making an extra long log (not a super-thick one, as you’d make if you roll the wrong way). 
  6. Bake for 30 minutes, until the crust looks golden. 
  7. Remove from the oven, and let cool for about 30 minutes before cutting.
  8. Cut into pieces about an inch thick. 
  9. Enjoy !
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See: Step 2 (dollops)
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I still don’t think I know how to use a pastry cutter properly
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I was out of plastic wrap so I used a big ziplock bag. Also look at my adorable London Underground tea towel! I set it up so the photo highlights my station.
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I rolled it into several logs. You can too!
    These came out SO well! I can’t wait to experiment with the basics more. They are really rich so you can’t eat the whole batch, which is good. They were much easier to make than I made it seem, I’m sure. Give it a shot and let me know how it goes! 
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Veganizing “Friends”: Dr. Roger’s Oysters & Middle Eastern Couscous

September 16, 2013
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PictureThis is how I feel about mushrooms. Also, blog namesake!

    Given the name of this website, I can’t believe it has taken me this long to make an actual aphrodisiac! Or, at least a vegan version of one. Especially when my font of wisdom, “Friends”, featured the following exchange, in the classic, hilarious episode “The One That Could Have Been”, between Monica and her alternate-reality-insanely-boring boyfriend-who-talks-about-hazelnuts-not-really-being-nuts*, Dr. Roger: 

Monica: I hope you’re hungry. We’re starting with oysters. And y’know what they say about oysters, don’t you?

Dr. Roger: They have parasites?

Monica: No! Umm well, some people say that oysters are an aphrodisiac.

Dr. Roger: What people?

Monica: People! People say it! Come here! (She grabs him and kisses him.)

Dr. Roger: So oysters, huh?

Monica: And then we’re gonna have a little Middle Eastern couscous. Something we can eat…with our hands.

Dr. Roger: Y’know, it’s funny, but when we were studying communicable diseases…

Monica: No-no-no, no! It’s sensual!

Dr. Roger: Ohh! Didn’t know! Okay!

     Yeah! We’re going to make oysters (the mushroom kind!) and Middle Eastern couscous! And we’re going to eat with our hands…maybe. Nah, probably not.
      So, in case you haven’t seen it, “The One That Could Have Been” shows what the gang might be like if Ross and Carol were still married, if Monica were still fat, if Chandler had had the nerve to quit his job*, if Phoebe had taken the job at Merrill Lynch, if Rachel had married Barry, and if Joey never got fired from ‘Days of Our Lives’*. It’s absolutely hysterical, but also sweet because (spoiler!) they all end up roughly the same as they are in reality. Aw, fate. 
      Anyway, Monica is dating Dr. Roger, and she’s wondering whether she “should, ya know, give him [her] flower.” She makes him this dinner of oysters and couscous in a failed attempt to seduce him. Luckily, Chandler saves the day. Could Chandler BE any greater in this episode? (“They didn’t add the second ‘cous’ until 1979.”)
      Because we are talking about “The One That Could Have Been”, I have all the motivation I need to share one of my all-time favorite “Friends” moments, which happened to occur during this episode. It’s Fat Monica’s epic, and I mean EPIC, Dance with the Donut.  
     I really cannot handle how perfect Courteney Cox is in this scene, and as Fat Monica in general. She makes the best faces, and I love when her voice gets squeaky, like when she hilarious yells “I KNOW!” And although when faced with all other supposed humor based on mocking someone’s size, I vehemently oppose the fat-shaming or sizeist attitudes at play, something about Fat Monica makes me lose track of my moral compass and just laugh. I’m a terrible person. Let’s make some food. 
     First, we will marinate and then saute the oyster mushrooms. While I like the flavor imparted by baking mushrooms, oysters cook fairly quickly, and you don’t want them to get rubbery, so we’re going to saute today. Then, we will make my take on a somewhat Middle Eastern couscous. Most such recipes will have dried fruit, but I despise dried fruit in savory food. (Actually, just in food period, because what sweet dishes have dried fruit, fruitcake? Gross.) 
SAUTEED OYSTER MUSHROOMS
Ingredients: 

  • 1 pint raw oyster mushrooms, cleaned (or whatever mushrooms you have)

For the marinade:

  • 1/3C olive oil
  • 1/3C water
  • 1T balsamic vinegar
  • 1t dried basil
  • 1t dried oregano
  • salt and pepper, probably 1t each
  • juice from half a lemon
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The mushrooms marinating. Yeah, I couldn’t find plain oysters so I have a mix here
Directions:

  1. Clean the mushrooms. Everyone says you aren’t supposed to wash mushrooms but instead clean them with a towel. I’ve never followed this advice, but far be it from me to stop you
  2. Mix the marinade ingredients together in a flat dish
  3. Marinate the mushrooms for 30 minutes
  4. Then, transfer mushrooms and some marinade to a saute pan and cook over medium-to-low heat for 3-4 minutes. They should lose a lot of water. Once they have sweated, cook for another 2-3 minutes on medium heat.
MIDDLE EASTERN COUSCOUS
Ingredients:

  • 1C dried couscous
  • 1 1/2C water
  • 1 onion, diced small
  • 3 cloves minced garlic
  • 1/2t paprika
  • 1/2t smoked paprika
  • 1/2t ground cumin
  • 1/2t ground coriander
  • 1 bay leaf
  • 1/2C diced carrots
  • 1/2C diced yellow squash
  • 1/4C slivered almonds
  • 1/4C chopped black olives
  • 2T vegan butter
  • handful parsley
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The carrots, squash, and almonds cooking
Directions:

  1. Saute the onion and garlic in a bit of olive oil for about 5 minutes over medium high heat
  2. Add the dried spices and bay leaf
  3. Add the couscous and water, and bring to a boil, then cover and simmer until couscous is cooked through, about 15-20 minutes
  4. Meanwhile: in a small saucepan, saute the carrots and squash in a drop of olive oil until slightly browned. Add the almonds and olives about halfway through. I like to burn the almonds a little. 
  5. Add the vegan butter and the contents of the small saucepan to the couscous
  6. Top the couscous with parsley, and remove the bay leaf
  7. Ta daaa!
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Finished couscous
      This was pretty darn yummy! I hope it turns out well for you if you decide to make it. And remember, if you are ever in a bad mood, just watch Monica dancing again. 
Giveaway trivia:

  1. “The hazelnut’s actually not a nut, it’s a seed. Can anyone name a well-known seed that’s been masquerading around as a nut?”
  2. What did Rachel say was Chandler’s job during the epic trivia game? 
  3. Why DID Joey get fired from ‘DOOL’?

The Best Restaurant in London Is Almost A Secret

December 12, 2015
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   I get an email from various London ‘news’ roundups at least every week, no matter how often I mark TimeOut as the spam that it is, boasting that they found, yet again, the best restaurants in London. Not only are many of the reviews in these types of outlets actually sponsored (did anyone think today’s journalists followed ethical guidelines?), but they’re also always wrong. Always. Wrong. How can I say this so assuredly? Because the actual best food in London is at Persepolis. 
Persepolis is this tiny, and I mean like baby shoes, cafe located in the back of a shop in Peckham, so when (not if) you go, you’ll be like “oh I can get the bus there in 40 minutes” but no silly you’ve forgotten everything you’ve learned about traveling in London and you will really get there an hour late. The main chef is bright-red-haired firecracker Sally Butcher, author of middle eastern cookbooks including Veggiestan and Snackistan, and despite only having one burner in the cafe, the food she sends out is beyond imagination. She and her Iranian (I think?) husband sell middle eastern sweets and interesting spices and all kinds of fun stuff in the shop (including what is supposed to be the greatest rice cooker ever), and the cafe – now with more than 3 tables AND a toilet – is a flinging flanging gem. The fact that I returned there before I learned that they now have a toilet (they didn’t the first time I went and I had to go into a nearby chicken shop like 8x) says much more about how miraculous the food is than I can say with other words, but I’m going to go on anyway for like 9 more pages probably because that’s how I do. 
   If you live in London or its surroundings (I’m going to say, for these purposes, that those surroundings stretch to within 2-3 hour flight time), you need to go now till December 23 for their Christmas feast, offered at lunch and dinner times before the baby Jesus’s birthday. For $30 (remember that is GBP but I don’t have the pound sign on my keyboard…though I could have copied and pasted one instead of typing this aside but whatever), you get, well, a feast of Persian delights. It takes a while (our meal took about 3.5 hours) because of that aforementioned single burner, but like I said, it’s the best food in London. It’s hard to remember what everything was, but it was all delicious. NB, we had one or two extra dishes in our feast because I was with a VIP, but even half of this amount of food would have been more than enough, and still an insanely good deal. Considering the quality and the quantity, this feast was more akin to the gutbusting Michelin-starred meals we’ve had, but for the price of, well, not them.
    I’m also going to talk about their regular menu at the end so you can see what you might be able to enjoy if you can’t go immediately. But first, the Christmas feast!
    As you can see, our table was decorated with a fun Christmassy tablecloth and lots of toys and ribbons. Christmas crackers were on the table waiting for us. Christmas crackers, I have learned, are not a crunchy edible item that smells of cinnamon or something. No, they are cardboard tubes that you pull apart to make a loud obnoxious sound. We all did ours at the same time so all the other diners knew not to mess with us. 
    We were treated to pomegranate juice Prosecco early on, but it took a very, very long time to get someone’s attention to ask for water, and even longer for them to bring it, so bring a bottle to save you. Finally, our cold mezze arrived. 
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Admiral ajvar
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I don’t like yogurt
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These little oil balls were so good
We got a plate of ajvar, a red pepper puree that I learned to love in Sarajevo; a mild rice and pea dish that came with a tangy dilly yogurt sauce; and makhdoush with fresh herbs, Peter Piper’s pickled peppers, and sweet potato crackers. Oh, and every round comes with unlimited baskets of warm lavash or crispy lavashy chips. I think both the flatbread and cracker forms can properly be called lavash, actually. Anyway, all good, but the makhdoush was the one where you’re like, oh snap, this is blowing my mind. The flavors were so complex, it was like spicy and sour and also allspice-y? I have the palate of a fast food fry cook so I can’t identify subtle spices correctly but it was incredible. They are baby eggplants filled with a sort of walnut paste and preserved in oil. That oil was really good to dip the second bread basket into. 
    After a much less painful wait (considering all we just ate) came the warm mezze, otherwise known as happy fried things. 
Persepolis’s delicious kibbeh is filled with chickpeas or surprisingly with chopped walnuts in their fried bulgur croquette-like shell. Their great falafel was also included, and another fried ball that I’m going to say was sweet potato but I really forget. It was all so delicious, but what pushed it over the top was the harissa cole slaw on top. Super spicy yet incredibly flavorful, this was the kind of condiment every fried thing should always come with. I want to make harissa cole slaw and put it on everything now. It’s also a pretty color. 
     This is probably where normal people would be full, especially because by now we have gone through 4 baskets of bread per head, but we’re just getting warmed up. Next we had a traditional chickpea, spinach, and crispy fried bread dish and a most delicious peanut and Brussels sprouts stew. 
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Fried bread
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Yahmmm
These were two of my favorite things. The chickpea, bread, and spinach dish is already a combination of my 3 favorite foods, but it also came in a super thick tahini sauce with a huge dollop of thick as hell tahini cream in the center, so it’s pretty much the perfect dish you could ever create for me. Sally doesn’t even know me. With that taken care of, what’s the next most perfect dish you could give me? Brussels sprouts of that super hard to achieve properly edible texture, in a robust tomato-based peanut sauce full of crushed peanuts. I eat at least 4 peanut-based things per day (usually 4 chocolate peanut butter cups) so this was welcome, and super delicious. Damn. These really seemed tailor-made for me and I am just reveling in the memory of how good they were. 
    But we’re not done! That was just the mezze/appetizer portion! We haven’t even gotten to the mains. I’m full just remembering all of this. 
   First came the traditional and very recognizable dolmeh: imam biyaldi (from the webiste), Turkish stuffed aubergines with tomato, onion, and garlic; and Persian stuffed red peppers with rice and nuts. Stuff vegetables are common, almost expected vegan mains and might not seem exciting to you, or me, but even I would happily order this magical plate again. It helped that the oil-dredged roasted veggies came on a bed of thick lavash, rendering the bread soaked through and pretty outstanding in its own right. 
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Magic
    The peppers and the eggplant fell apart at the touch of the fork, they were so tender and amazing (and, yes, oil soaked). Oh I almost forgot; you can see in the background the white cabbage wrap as well. It looked like an organ donation from the ice box but it tasted like heaven. The delicious dish came with a tangy peppery relish in a cup and a green salad to offset all the comforting heavy tastes. I really liked how much fresh greenery seemed to abound. 
      The next main was so unique and special, both in taste and appearance. The chestnut tagine with a buttery basmati rice and shirazi salsa (and more green salad!) showed off chestnuts, chickpeas, and other legumes and vegetables stewed for a very long time in tamarind, resulting in a black dish with extraordinarily deep levels of flavor. 
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Black magic
     It was such a fun dish to eat because, since the stewing left everything black and unidentifiable, you’d pierce an object with your fork and expect, say, a chestnut but then it would be a parsnip, or vice versa, or you’d expect a chickpea and it would be a walnut, &c.  You get it. Fun game. Delicious food. 
     After all of this food, plus 7 baskets of lavash each, we were busting at the seams. But Persepolis’s desserts are just as remarkable as its savory food, so we knew that more challenges awaited us. We did not quite anticipate the extent of those challenges. We all laughed in disbelief, shock, and excitement when our tray of middle eastern sweets arrived with the stern order from Sally that we were to finish every last bite. (Yes ma’am.) 
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Ne’er hath these eyes beheld a more beauteous sight.
Paklava (for Persian cuisine it’s a p not a b). Turkish delight. Halva. Semolina cake. Coconut bars. That’s just the bottom right corner. I loved the big bowl of pomegranate seeds in the center, making us feel at least a tiny bit healthy. As long as you eat a spoonful of pomegranate seeds between every sugar-soaked piece of phyllo-wrapped pastry, you achieve balance health-wise, though you do have to spend more time in the underworld. It was all so delectable that I’m actually using that word even though it usually makes me cringe. Before we even finished our first pieces, however, Sally came out to test us even further:
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At this point I thought I was being punked.
Yup, she dropped mugs full of vegan ice cream in front of each of us. We simultaneously groaned in pain, fear, and absolute delight. Even though they use Swedish Glace (a popular dairy-free ice cream in the UK that, if you take it out of its container and place it on a tabletop overnight, it will melt YET NOT LOSE ITS SHAPE (this is a troubling experiment that my vegans have actually done)), Persepolis has the absolute best sundaes I’ve ever had, so here was a chance to make my own! I simply put everything from that sweets tray into the mug and mashed mashed mashed it up. Perfection. And then I slept and/or cried for 15 hours with my hearing and vision both going in and out as my body focused on digesting instead of anything else. 
     The Christmas feast includes mint tea or coffee to end, and even though fresh mint tea is my favorite, none of us could stomach another thing, even a liquid. It was an amazing, incredible, unbeatable meal, and for only $30 there’s no better deal, especially in this town. Run don’t walk.
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A view of the quaint shoppe. You can’t read it from here, but all those little taped signs say the most hilarious things, like “if you can’t control your child we can laminate him for you” or stuff like that.
But what about for the rest of the year? Or what if you aren’t in the mood for a half day of sublime eating (who are you)? You’ll still have the best meal ever. It’ll still take a long time, but it’s worth it. Here are some moments from previous visits. HIGHLIGHTS! 
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liquids
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solids
   Persepolis has a really interesting drinks menu. Pictured is a mixed carrot and apple juice (I think. I don’t remember) but they offer intriguing things such as a carob, halva, and banana smoothie; a mango, tamarind, and ginger smoothie; and vegan hot chocolate with carob and spices. Foodwise, we started with bread (yay bread) and incredible individual portions of carrot soup. P.S., this was a really long time ago, I didn’t take notes, and I’m making up 70% of it. Just know it was all delicious. I remember that much. 
      We shared an overstuffed plate of traditional mezze: hummus, falafel, their wonderful kibbeh, tabbouleh, Peter Piper’s pickled peppers, olives, pickled other things including garlic which requires a warning, and lentil chips. All so good. I will never turn down a middle eastern mezze plate especially if there’s hummus, and this was a great batch of everything. I even ate that pickled garlic. I remember that. 
     The next dish was the most incredible standout, one of Persepolis’s best and most interesting offerings. It’s soft tofu cooked with the most insanely deep-flavored dates of all time. You probably think that sounds disgusting, because I did, and I would never have ordered it if my friend didn’t insist, thanks to her prior knowledge. But this puts all other tofu scrambles to shame. To damn shame. Somehow, these amazing Iranian dates meld with the tofu to create this magical flavor that you never imagined existed. And then it’s all over warm bread. Yes. 
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Sugar dates and figs! Sugar dates and tofu.
    Next is ANOTHER of Persepolis’s standout must-gets! I think maybe everything they make is? Anyway, get the foul medammes because 1) foul is the best, but more importantly b) it comes with eggy za’atar bread, and although it takes ages to make, Sally’s tahini-flavored vegan version is off. the. chiz. arts. I don’t know what all the components are or if it really is just pure magic that I can’t imitate, but it is insane. 
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Look at that eggy mess of delight
    As I said above, Persepolis’s desserts are not to be missed. At one visit, since there were three of us, we ordered three gigantic sundaes to share. Duh.
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NOT MY HANDS
  We got the Knickerbocker sundae and I still don’t know what that is so don’t ask, but I know it was insane amazing. I think it had date caramel, and probably halva, probably chocolate, just definitely get it, okay? We also got the Turkish Delight, which is doused in bright pink rose syrup and lots of bits of sugar-bomb Turkish Delight. This was too much for me, though others seem to love it. It’s sugarrrrrr on another frequency, one that I don’t think I communicate on. But the Hot Paklava Meltdown, our last sundae, was exactly my speed. It’s the vanilla ice cream with, you guessed it, hot syrupy paklava mixed it, so you have to dig in asap before all the ice cream melts. We of course stopped to take pictures because we are vegans with blogs. But oh man, in that mid-melt stage, it’s the best thing you can imagine. 
    So obviously you can see that Persepolis is not to be missed. Not one thing on their menu is to be missed. If you can’t get to London, you should check out Sally Butcher’s cookbooks. But really, you need her to cook for you. I imagine how I feel about her now is along the lines of how Eric Ripert and all those award-winning NYC chefs feel about that old woman living in a monastery in South Korea who cooks for the monks. 

PERSEPOLIS, PECKHAM, LONDON
Water speed: Nonexistent at first, but then they really became attentive.   
Service: It depends how crowded the place is. They are doing a million things at once but will be super helpful when they can be.
Bathrooms: There is one now!
Food: ​The best. Go hungry and don’t expect to eat for the rest of the day.
Bonus: Fun, cozy atmosphere, extremely affordable and so cheap for what you are getting. 

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