30 Rock's Cheesy Blasters: I Made Them! by Randi / October 30, 2013
How cute are aminal statues?!
Every night is a fantasy! Every sound’s like a symphony! And I love you Baltimore! And one day when I take to the floor, the world’s gonna wake up and seeeeee Baltimore! And me!
You can be sure that I was singing this (the opening number from Hairspray) the entire time I was in Baltimore. It was stuck in my head the whole time, of course! And now, recapping my whirlwind 24 hours of eating, you can be sure it will stay stuck in my head for another 24 hours.
Baltimore is a pretty fun city. I saw barely any of it, due to the short time frame that was already booked with food stops and long walks around the beautiful Johns Hopkins campus (where boyfriend when to school). But what I did see showed an exciting mixture of big city fun and really frightening big city crime. That’s Baltimore for you!
Baltimore is a pretty fun city. I saw barely any of it, due to the short time frame that was already booked with food stops and long walks around the beautiful Johns Hopkins campus (where boyfriend when to school). But what I did see showed an exciting mixture of big city fun and really frightening big city crime. That’s Baltimore for you!
Before we get to the food, I want to share a picture of my favorite tree stump ever. Weird thing, right, to have a favorite tree stump? But this is art! Look at this amazingness! On the Hopkins campus, we saw this tree doing Astavakrasana pose, the yoga posture that has eluded me for years. It was like the tree was saying, “Don’t stop trying! Just be stronger!” Thanks, tree. I don’t understand what it’s for or from (no plaque explaining how in the world this exists), so I’m taking it as a personal message.
This tree stump is doing 8-angle pose, or Astavakrasana. Cool.
Compare. Am I right??? How crazy!
Moving on to the fod! Baltimore had a great vegan scene, with more options than I was expecting (probably because my only exposure to food in Baltimore was, again, Hairspray, with Motormouth Maybelle’s giant but unhealthy spread of pecan pieeeee and ham and chicken. (“Poooour some sugar on me sugar don’t be shyyy!”) I am eager to return because there was so much we didn’t have time for. (If I were traveling with mah vegans, I would have just eaten all day without regard to meal times, but I was with boyfriend and can’t really do that with him. It’ll always be too soon.) Even just driving on Charles Street, we passed a pizza place called HomeSlyce that had written on its exterior “We have VEGAN options!” Amazing! There’s also a pizza place in Fells Point with vegan options, called Bop Brick Oven Pizza. You know how I feel about use of ‘bop’ in every situation, so that’s awesome. It’s not all pizza in Baltimore though! Take a look!
FIRST UP: THE HELMAND
Eating dinner at The Helmand, the great Afghan restaurant, was a primary reason behind this trip to Baltimore. Owned by Quayum Karzai (brother of Hamid, Iknowright), the restaurant was as authentic as it gets, and as delicious. They have a separate vegetarian menu and a staff knowledgeable about what ‘vegan’ means. With great service, nice ambiance, and fantastic food, The Helmand is now my favorite Afghan restaurant.
How do you take pictures in dim lighting? Seriously.
My boyfriend (we gotta think of a code name for him…how about Hawkeye) recalled of his college days that his favorite dish anywhere was The Helmand’s Kaddo Borawni, baked and pan-fried sugared baby pumpkin, served with garlic-yogurt sauce. We obviously had to order it here, with the sauce on the side. I’m pretty sure the sauce is what makes it extraordinary, so mine is not a fair review. However, the plain pumpkin was delicious and cooked perfectly. It also inspired me to make my own, which I will do soon!
For my entree, the waiter pointed out several things that could be made vegan, and recommended the Dolma Murch. I really appreciate waiter recommendations so I listened, and it was amazing! The dish featured red bell peppers stuffed with seasoned vegetables, beans, and wild rice in a tomato and rhubarb sauce (how cool is that). It was served with challow (Afghan rice), which was fantastic, and a side of sabzy (spinach), which I’m always happy to have. The Dolma Murch was so delicious, comforting but still interesting. I couldn’t really taste the rhubarb in the sauce, but that’s probably for the best, letting it contribute to the flavor instead of overpowering it. I enjoyed this so much!
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THE HELMAND, Baltimore
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NEXT UP: THE BREWER’S ART
Despite being super stuffed after dinner, we went right to Hawkeye’s favorite bar, The Brewer’s Art on Charles Street, for supposedly amazing garlic French fries. I know. We didn’t get dessert; we got post-dinner fries. I can get behind this. The Brewer’s Art was a surprisingly nice, comfortable pub with cushy sofas and clean floors. Can’t ask for more than that in a place serving beer. We got the fries, and I ate much more than I thought I had room for. They were amazing! A bit soggier than they should have been, Hawkeye critiqued, but the flavor was great. Oh man!
MORNING STOP: CUTEST JUICE BAR EVER!
Our first stop the next morning was an adorable juice bar I had researched called Grind House. (Like the all-vegan coffeeshop in Philly, Grindcore! Does ‘grind’ mean vegan?) We were (I was) so eager for green juice that we arrived before it opened and waited outside. We had a few minutes to appreciate the too-cute front door and patio furniture:
Our first stop the next morning was an adorable juice bar I had researched called Grind House. (Like the all-vegan coffeeshop in Philly, Grindcore! Does ‘grind’ mean vegan?) We were (I was) so eager for green juice that we arrived before it opened and waited outside. We had a few minutes to appreciate the too-cute front door and patio furniture:
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You might be wondering why a juice bar has to specify ‘vegetarian’. Well, they also have food! Ready-made seitan salads, hummus wraps, fish fillet sandwiches, this place has so much to offer. I ordered a Sweet Greens juice, made with apple, celery, cucumber, kale, lime, and ginger. It tasted great and, better still, 20 oz. was only about $7. I would go here again if I lived nearby. (Luckily I don’t though. It was a pretty sketchy neighborhood! We had bets going about whether the guy looking in our car the whole time was going to steal it.)
LUNCHTIME TREAT: CARMA’S CAFE
No, that’s not Hawkeye
Guys how good is lunch. I mean really. We had two lunches in Baltimore, which was lucky because lunch places seemed to be the hippest around. First we went to Carma’s Cafe, a tiny coffeeshop with maybe 4 tables and a small but versatile menu. I was pleased to see upon entering that they had a few vegan options. I mean, this is a college town after all; I shouldn’t have been so surprised! Well, that’s not entirely true. When I first entered, I talked to the girl at the counter about vegan options. She said she wasn’t sure about the sesame noodles because they had peanut butter…I KNOW. Haha. Just when you think everyone knows that peanut butter doesn’t contain dairy butter, you meet another one. Oh lordy.
Anyway, the girl said that there was an addition to the menu: a vegan BLT! Obviously, when a vegan BLT is on the menu, that’s what you get (as long as a tempeh Reuben isn’t also on the menu). I also ordered a side of the sesame noodles just to prove a point.
Anyway, the girl said that there was an addition to the menu: a vegan BLT! Obviously, when a vegan BLT is on the menu, that’s what you get (as long as a tempeh Reuben isn’t also on the menu). I also ordered a side of the sesame noodles just to prove a point.
The VLT, or vegan BLT. Vegan soy bacon (which tasted an awful lot like coconut bacon), tomato, and mixed spring greens
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I love that the menu items were painted on these hanging plates!
The sandwich was very simple but good, and a nice thing to have after a long ride in the car. It was on white bread, which I don’t like, but the choice made sense given the the lightness and old-classic feel of the sandwich. Definitely a good basic light lunch. The sesame noodles, however, proved that one should never order food merely in protest. They weren’t very flavorful at all. I didn’t even taste peanut butter, just a bit of sesame oil. Next time, I’d choose a salad or cup of soup to accompany a sandwich.
LUNCHTIME TREAT #2: ONE WORLD CAFE
One World Cafe was one of those totally college restaurants, you know what I mean? You could tell that undergrads could roll in the morning after heavy partying for a late breakfast, or come in to read with a big latte in the afternoons, or even take their visiting relatives. It was an appropriate place for all of that. I kind of loved it. The food was great, the vegan items were marked as such, and the benches were cushioned and had extra pillows. Win! We were warned (by the internet) that the service was famously awful, but during our weekday lunch we were without complaint.
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We started with the House Refried Pinto Bean Dip. The menu said it was to be topped with house salsa and fresh cilantro, but we didn’t see any cilantro. No matter, it was still very tasty. It wasn’t exactly earth-shattering, tasting like any other refried bean dip, but it was pretty good and the tortillas were warm. I like beans.
For my main, I ordered the O.W.C. wrap, pretty much the exact wrap I would concoct if I were cooking for myself (but this one actually held together, unlike my attempts at wrapping things). The O.W.C. wrap combined mixed greens, guacamole, tomato, carrots, fresh herbs, and sprouts in a sprouted grain tortilla, served with a garlic herb dressing for dipping that was delicious. It was also served with a tiny side salad and more sprouts. Totally my ideal lunch! It tasted so fresh and clean. Not like soap. Like good food. The green garlic herb dressing was so good; I definitely want to try to recreate it. It was like a gardening smoothie. That’s gross. It was like a great dressing. That’s better. |
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The last thing I HAD to do before leaving Baltimore was of course visit one of the coolest bakeries in the entire world – Charm City Cakes! As in, Duff Goldman’s bakery with the only Food Network show I am willing to watch! They make the most incredible works of art, in cake form. I love seeing what crazy masterpieces they are working on. I aspire to one day be able to afford hiring the bakery to make some insane concoction for a special event. Or just for a Sunday. The sign on the door says that they accept walk-ins on Saturdays. So, go on a Saturday so you can discuss your future creation! (They are vegan-friendly, apparently, which is amazing!) One day…
Apart from not being able to meet Duff and his crew, our 24 hours in Baltimore was overall very successful. We had great food, we saw the beautiful Hopkins area of the city, and we didn’t get robbed or kidnapped. All in all, a very nice trip! I would be happy to return (on a Saturday, of course).
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Hello Muddah, Hello Faddah, Here I am in Granada (Spain not Camp)
After a few days in Seville, Husband and I traveled to Granada, mostly to see the Alhambra. I have to admit, I had no idea about the Alhambra before this trip. How could I have known, when most of my life I thought Granada was a fake camp made up in the song I refer to in the title? (By the way, today I learned that that song won a Grammy.) (So has LeVar Burton which is my favorite random fact.) (Obama has two.) Obviously, I had no idea of the wonder that was in store for me. Not only is the Alhambra even more incredible than you can imagine, but Granada itself was probably my favorite city of our whole trip through Andalusia. Is it because it was the only one with a strong vegetarian restaurant that I really enjoyed? The world will never know. But that wouldn’t change the fact that I had a very enjoyable time.
Great start to any trip!
Getting to Granada from Seville was not too much trouble. I was shocked when I saw a standee advertisement for a vegan sandwich in the Seville train station! I would never have guessed. It was just a slab of tofu with tomato and basil and you know what, it was really good. MUCHO GUSTO! ME LLAMO ELLIOTT! So the train journey is about a 3 hours, but the train route at the halfway mark on the journey to Granada has been under construction for several years. We first had to take a train to Antequera and then a bus the rest of the way to Granada. I was super nervous about the bus because they only have bathrooms onboard in the USA, one of the best things the USA does, so I was so scared about what would happen if I had to pee! I was okay though. Dehydrated but okay. The train part was so nice! We had really good train snacks, including corn nuts (obsessed) and delicious oranges. OH I forgot to say in the Seville post, the famous Seville orange in the beautiful orange trees all over town? Those are not for eating. I took some super-ripe lookers off trees when I could reach them, and they were full of tears. Just so sour and awful and I made babies-eating-lemons face. They are not the oranges you get for eating. I think they are mostly sent to the UK for marmalade! weirdddd. Although I was not impressed by the wild oranges, I was impressed by the newer-looking Renfe trains. They were fast and clean and they even had digital screens announcing the next stop! Amtrak doesn’t do that! Amtrak is for lovers. Anyway, we got to Granada and walked to our hotel. The walk took us up this steep inclined path that was pedestrian-only and looked like it was transplanted from Agrabah, with so much incense burning and all these tapestries and curtains hanging everywhere and tables of sugar dates and figs and pistachios for sale. I of course did not take pictures of this because we were carrying our bags but now I kind of think I was hallucinating. Even if I was, it was my first look at Granada and it was magical. Full of tourists and smelling of disgusting incense (disgusting always), but magical.
I quickly learned that Granada is for realsies the Brighton of Spain. There are a lot of dogs, which is very nice (unless they are stray and then I cry), and there are a whole lot of hippies living off the grid and making art, it seemed. But there are also a lot of homeless people, and it was much more noticeable than in Seville and in London, too, where homelessness is an out of control epidemic, so it was really sad to see. Can governments please get their shit together and take care of homeless populations? Why did anyone vote Tory today you idiots?!
Before I get to the important sights to see, I have to complain about the weather. It shows just how amazing the Alhambra was, considering how much I liked Granada despite the fact that it was FREEZING morning and night. And afternoons. It would be 50 degrees (Fahrenheit) when we set out in the mornings and still so cold at noon. Then by the later afternoon like 4-5pm, it would be freaking 85-90 degrees. And then it would fall 40 degrees during the evening. I was screaming. You’re either shibber or sweating & burning all the time. The crazy weather was matched by the crazy people who like to walk in the middle of the sidewalk and then stop short like great tourists do and who smoke all day long. Seriously the whole country smells like stale cigarettes, no matter where you are. Sometimes it was so smoky and hard to breathe outside in the ‘fresh’ air that I would cry, just walking around in the open! That’s a horrible way to live, people! I do not understand smokers, especially when it’s like community-wide. Is it mandated? I will never complain about the City of London anymore now that I’ve been to southern Spain. Just kidding of course I will ugh I hate cigarettes.
Okay that is enough of my bellyaching. There are a few important sights in Granada, but one that surpasses them all. (I can’t say trumps anymore even though it is a regular word.) Like I said in the Seville post, we were here during Easter week, and it was equally if not more insane in Granada. Parades happened in the main and not so main streets ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT (which unfortunately we heard clearly, oh how they love to bang those drums). With all the Spanish people in the world being off from work and school because of Jesus, it was very crowded everywhere we went.
CATHEDRAL OF GRANADA
i mean you’re fine
You’d think that during Easter week, the church would really want people to, well, go to church and see statues and paintings of Jesus in his famous Easter pose (on the cross). However, some force in the universe really, really wanted us to stay out of the Granada Cathedral (maybe they thought I would burst into flames because of my previous sentence), because we spent an embarrassing amount of time walking around and around the main square, trying to find the main entrance. We thought we were smart people so this was ridiculous. We found the gift shop exit a few times in our wanderings, but no dice on the main entrance. WHAT THE HEY-ZEUS. It was mind-boggling! Finally after circling the main section of town over and over, the entrance was Brigadooned to us. After all that, there’s no way a church could prove itself worth the trouble, but this Cathedral was fine. They gave us audioguides with our tickets, which were sort of helpful. I look forward to the day when I see a Cathedral that afterwards I could pick out of a lineup.
But the best part of this cathedral was that the monstrous (not calling Jesus a monster) parade floats were waiting inside for their big outside reveals! Granada was SERIOUS about its Easter floats. It looked like they took really important statues of Jesus and Mary and put it on top of a boat they made from the wood of antique pianos. Very nice.
I would like to see how seaworthy this boat is
Raquel would be fine if you didn’t convince people that they would suffer after
One thing I don’t like about Granada and all of Spain (and Italy and other religious countries) are its seriously outdated, sexist, patronizing views on abortion. I was aghast when I saw this sign standing in the cathedral entrance. How dare they put this bullshit in the entrance especially when we had so much trouble finding it! At first I thought it was anti-abortion and saying “don’t get one”, but if I’m translating correctly, I think it’s about helping women recover after they get one. So not as bad, and sure it seems kind of nice, especially for the small percentage of women who do have trouble with their decision and the aftermath. But this perpetuates the religious right’s favorite message: that if you have an abortion you will suffer afterwards because, as it boldly states, abortion ruins both lives. This kind of language contributes to the horrible stigma of abortion when it should be treated like any other medical procedure, and women who need help after should be able to get it without needing to demonize the entire procedure as a surefire way to ruin your life. I saw the same sign at every cathedral in the rest of the cities we visited. GROAN. This is where Granada WISHES it were more like Brighton. Oh Catholics. Get your shit together. Your shit is a mess.
ALHAMBRA
From one of the fortresses at one side of the mountaintop
Now we’re talking! The Alhambra is a sprawling medieval complex, with numerous sections and buildings that once acted as fortresses, with high lookout points and lots of stairs to get up top for great views; as palaces and residences that get super cramped as people imagine what it was like to live there; as gardens, in my favorite part, the never-ending Generalife; and as an expanse of government buildings. The Alhambra is also a gorgeous display of Moorish architecture and civil planning as it was the last Moorish stronghold of Europe. Located at the top of a steep hill that offers beautiful views of the city, the Alhambra reminded me of the Acropolis in Athens in that regard and because we got super sunburnt when we visited both those places. But the Alhambra is bigger and has lots and lots of actual still-standing buildings you can visit. Also there are beautiful flowers and trees and great water features like fountains that make you feel a tiny bit less dry and like you’re baking in the sun. I love water features. The visit requires most of your day, and you need to buy tickets in advance. They recommend buying tickets weeks or even months in advance, and considering we were there for Easter week the months-ahead rec was really important. We had an afternoon-entry ticket, which was GREAT because that’s when it’s super hot, yay.
View of Granada from the Alhambra
The Alhambra was incredible. It’s like an entire city up at the top of a hill, with various buildings that were used for all kinds of purposes, from residences to government buildings, and gardens and plazas that you wish you could live near. Some of the residences were for the Nasrid Sultans, who ruled Granada from the 1200s to 1492 (what a busy year that was), as well as important government officials, important servants of the court, and important soldiers. Basically you had to be important to live up here. We were there for over four hours in the bright sun and heat – and we skipped two of the museums in the Plaza de Carlos V (one was more money, one was closed on Tuesday afternoons which is when we were there, which is random and feels personal). There is a lot of walking and most of it is uphill climbing, so bring lots of water. We went at a reasonable pace so it’ll really be a whole day for those who move more slowly or those who want to really see every nook and cranny of the expanse. If you can choose your time of entry, go for the morning. It was gross in the sun and heat. Although then you’d have to have a big breakfast and bring snacks if you would be delaying lunch that long. I guess just deal with the heat then. Luckily, they had a few vending machines in the lobbies of the impressively well-located and well-appointed bathroom buildings, and when I needed salt (water-drinking + sweating for hours = you need salt) I found a little bag of trail mix that had my new favorite thing in it, corn nuts. Happy me. (There are also several snack bars but nothing is vegan.) There are water fountains EVERYWHERE which made me soo happy to see and might have been my favorite part of the whole trip no that is crazy I liked other things too. There are also trenches of water running throughout the whole place back from how it was first designed for water flow. What a cool place.
Part of the fortress section
My favorite! Water! |
I wanna say this leads to the Palacios Nazaries, which is the only timed entry part. |
The Generalife was by far my favorite part, because I love gardens and I love water, and this was a whole shittonne of both. So many fountains and little paths and beautiful plants! It goes on and on and on, as you climb up to higher and higher levels that you would never have guessed were there. It’s so big it takes you around so you can see the rest of the Alhambra complex. Even though by this point (if you do it right, you should do the Generalife last) you’re likely exhausted, the gardens are so peaceful and soothing that you won’t want to rush through. The layout offers endless surprises, with hidden sections and staircases up to new gardens. Somehow, regardless of how crowded it is, you will likely see very few people nearby, because there are so many small segments that really works to spread out the crowd. It’s such a relaxing space, I wish I could go every day.
so tranquil
The Alhambra from the Generalife
The night before our day at the Alhambra, we got a tip from Husband’s friend about a great viewpoint in the city from which to see the Alhambra at sunset. This great viewpoint is the Mirador de San Nicholas, and I definitely recommend going at sunset. It’s quite the trek up winding little stone streets to get to the top of this hill, and can be very confusing even with functioning google maps. Just keep going up and you’ll get there. It’s a very popular lookout so it will be crowded, but it’s easy to get a few pictures. Remember it is cold at night, especially up high so dress accordingly. The Alhambra is beautiful as the sun sets. Sigh.
Isn’t it so cool? I can’t believe I didn’t know about this place for most of my life. I’m so glad I got to see it. It’s definitely a must-see in the world.
FOOD AND LODGING
It was really hard to find anything open before 3pm. Oh you Mediterranean lifestyle with your late nights and subsequent late mornings and your afternoon siestas and your lack of catering to my schedule! I bought oranges and bananas to have in the mornings along with bars I brought to tide me over until the regular Spanish lunchtime which is closer to my regular English dinner time.
But Granada was great because it was the most HappyCow-ed place of the trip. I had so many vegan-friendly restaurants on my list and was excited to get cracking. We went first to Al-Laurel, a little bistro-like restaurant that was supposed to be good. HappyCow said it opened at 11am, Google said 12pm, and its own front door said 12:30pm — but the guy prepping the bar inside at 12:30pm said they wouldn’t start serving food until 1:30pm. That is SUPER STUPID, GUY. Who opens an hour before they will have food? ANGER INSIDE. Off my to-do list and onto my shit list.
But Granada was great because it was the most HappyCow-ed place of the trip. I had so many vegan-friendly restaurants on my list and was excited to get cracking. We went first to Al-Laurel, a little bistro-like restaurant that was supposed to be good. HappyCow said it opened at 11am, Google said 12pm, and its own front door said 12:30pm — but the guy prepping the bar inside at 12:30pm said they wouldn’t start serving food until 1:30pm. That is SUPER STUPID, GUY. Who opens an hour before they will have food? ANGER INSIDE. Off my to-do list and onto my shit list.
We spent quite a bit of time looking for something else but everything was either still closed or had nothing close to being veganizable. Why don’t people eat before 2pm? Luckily, a standard touristy but nice-looking restaurant along a nearby big plaza was open and had a quinoa salad on the menu! It was called Laseda, and I think it was Plaza de Bib-Rambla. The quinoa salad was pretty good, and had something going for it most quinoa and veg and lettuce salads don’t but really should – it was served in a crispy cracker bowl. Lol I love eating my bowl after eating the contents. What a lifesaver.
Hicuri, so good
My favorite restaurant was Hicuri, a casual vegan place pretty well located (and near a vegan-friendly ice cream place we will talk about after) and with lots more seating than vegan places usually have. It’s such a fun menu, with salads and burgers and then salads with chicken nuggets in them and seitan and curries and eggplant bakes and Asian tofu dishes and fun smoothies and all kinds of stuff. It was such a sprawling menu that I have no idea how to describe the cuisine. I got a gigantic ensalada de la casa, which was all the basic salad veggies plus avocado, sprouts, and apple. Fun and random additions! I know you are mad I didn’t get the salad with chicken nuggets but it was dressed in mayo which is blech. They brought us little carrot sticks and ranch dressing while we waited which was adorable and actually the ranch was really good. I was never a ranch fan but I liked this so much that I kept it and put it on my salad.
Little bites at Hicuri |
Great salad at Hicuri |
For our mains, Husband and I each got a burger, the chicken burger for him and the legumes burger for me. I never ever order the burger when at restaurants, but something made me choose it and it’s a good thing I did because these burgers were fantastic. I am sure they are the best thing on the menu even though I didn’t have anything else. So good. We each got vegan cheese on it too and damn I want one now.
Burger at Hicuri
Of course we got dessert! They had a traditional (I guess) arroz con leche (rice pudding) that we shared and I got a hot chocolate with oat milk. The rice pudding was very good, cinnamon-y with the right about of sweetness. The hot chocolate, on the other hand, was like hot milk with cocoa powder mixed in, but with absolutely zero sweetener. It was so weird! Like they used regular cocoa powder and forgot to add sugar or agave or maybe thought they had grabbed hot cocoa mix but reeeeally didn’t? So strange! But whatever, I didn’t care that much. Everything else was good!
Arroz con leche at Hicuri |
Unsweet hot cocoa |
baby sized food plate not okay i not a baby
In hindsight, I kind of wish we ate at Hicuri every meal. But that would be ludicrous. But nothing else was as good. Our next veg restaurant experience, at El Piano, left much to be desired. All the food was displayed in a glass case and we looked and talked with the staff before sitting and ordering. They were very helpful when we arrived and took lots of time trying to explain to us what everything was, but it didn’t really coincide with their menu, which they gave us to order off of. After we sat, it was really hard to get their attention even though I think one other person was in there during our entire meal, and she was getting take away. I ordered a combo of mushroom soup and a spinach dish, and was given baby sized portions of both, to my surprise considering how much it cost. The food was just okay too, nothing special. Husband’s Mexican-style food was better and bigger, but not enough to excuse it. When our food came, we asked for bread. The staff member said it’s a gluten-free cracker bread because they don’t do gluten, which was fine for us, bring it on. We asked a few times for it in the next 20 minutes or so but it never came before we finished eating. Actually, fifteen minutes after I stopped pretending I wasn’t already done eating my little meal, we decided to just forget it and we asked for the bill. I was shocked to see the cracker bread was on the bill! She said it was coming, so we paid and waited a few more minutes and it still didn’t come so we just left. WHAT THE HECK was going on? It was crackers they were probably in a box! I immediately went next door to a little bakery and brought a small loaf of bread with a lot of gluten for 50 cents and ate it in the street and we liked it and we loved it.
So moral of the story is, don’t go to Al-Laurel or El Piano, definitely go to Hicuri at least once, and if you want a decent quinoa salad when nothing else is around, go to Laseda.
Luckily, there was ice cream. There is a ecological ice cream shoppe very close to Hicuri. It’s not great because in addition to being milk-free, it’s also fat-free so it’s a bit icy, and it has very stupid hours (it closes at like 7pm so no after-dinner ice cream). But hey even not great ice cream is still ice cream! It’s called de-leite and had a ton of flavors and also did horchata and granitas and tortes and raw cheesecake-type desserts, which I should have gotten.
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We also had plenty more tapas in the various old traditional tapas bars. I never want to have gazpacho or salmorejo again. At one of the many gelato shoppes we stopped in (I always want to know which ones have vegan flavors even if it’s fruit sorbet and of course I wouldn’t waste my time on that but I still want to know), they had a toppings bar with mini Chips Ahoy and mini Oreos so I took a picture for my dad because he loves the minis. I do too but they wouldn’t sell me an ice cream cup just of cookie toppings. Well really I didn’t know how to ask for it in Spanish and it was not worth miming.
We stayed in the Palacio de Santa Ines, which was in a superb location. Well, we did clearly hear the parade gongs in the middle of the night (Jesus never sleeps) but I think the entire city heard them beat out dat rhythm on a drum at all hours. As for the place itself, the lobby was nicer than the rooms (the bathroom smelled a little weird) but it was a clean decent bed AND we were given a random two-story room with a loft bed upstairs that had better wifi reception so we used the spare bed for internetting.
Overall Granada was nice because the Alhambra was just spectacular. It’s a must-see site in a fun, vibrant city and I’m so lucky I got to see it.
The one thing Granada got wrong. It’s Pacienca y FE!!
Vegan In Mexico City Part 2: Coyoacan! Frida! Nacho Libre!
What’s up party people! We’re back and ready to talk more about Mexico City! We have so much to talk about because as usual we packed an absurd amount of Activity into our short time there. (Okay other practiced travelers are probably saying ‘no you do a normal amount of Activity for a travel blogger since we need to see as much as possible when visiting a new place’ but you forget how much sleep I need.) As I said in Part 1 of the CDMX posts, we’re breaking up the info roughly by neighborhood to give it at least a chance at making organizational sense.
ok these might not be bears but you get it
In this post, we’re moving south to the Coyoacán neighborhood of Mexico City, where we find the famous blue house of Frida Kahlo, Casa Azul. I mean I guess it’s the famous house of Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera but he seemed like a bit of a wanker so I’m going to focus less on him. Just a few blocks away is the Leon Trotsky house, where the Soviet revolutionary/Marxist/politician/Bolshevik/ Communist Party leader/&c lived and died in exile but not before partying with the Kahlo fam bam. I almost used a photo of the Trotsky house as the banner picture for this post but thought that might be weird/get me on lists. Anyway, aside from those two house museums we’re gonna eat great food and then go to a spectacular spectacle that I shockingly loved: Lucha Libre, the crayballs Mexican wrestling extravaganza.
Let’s start with the Commies!
THE LEON TROTSKY MUSEUM-HOUSE
Since I’m American, let’s start with the commies. You know how into all things Russia we’ve been for the past few years, learning as much as we can about the people taking over America, &c (and their language! правда!) so we weren’t missing this. I recommend a visit – it’s pretty quick and fairly interesting. It costs 40 pesos and would not take you more than 40 minutes to visit, so it’s like a peso per minute, a ratio that bothers me much less for museums than it does for theatre, strangely.
Trotsky was kind of a big deal in the USSR in the early 1900s, which is pretty much the time of all the big Soviet leaders whose names you know, like Stalin. Trotsky did not like Stalin. I mean no one ‘liked’ Stalin but he did it to his face. I really want to give him the nickname ‘The Trots’ but he’ll probably haunt me for that so no. Okay, so Leon was big into Marxism as a teen, as all teens are (?) and helped form the South Russian Workers’ Union. Since that sounds kinda nice, unions are good, he was exiled to Siberia, while I on the other hand paid to go there which is hilarious. (It’s not bad.) An enterprising young Trotter escaped to England, changed his name to the one we know now, and met up with fellow Bolshevik revolutionary Lenin, and they drank and argued in all the classic English pubs every night till closing about which of them would be commemorated in the future in every single Russian village and city with a giant and I mean GIANT bust of his head. (It was Lenin.) Mista Trotterrrr returned to Russia in 1905 for the Russian Revolution and was again exiled to Siberia and again escaped. This f-ing guy, am I right?
His radicalism got his azz thrown out of lots of otherwise nice places like Paris, Spain, NYC, and Switzerland (I mean but ‘neutrality’ favors the oppressors so fork you) (I know I know it is bothering me too that that list goes city, sovereign, city, sovereign but that’s how the source material I’m referencing does it ugh) and then he went back to Russia in time for the 1917 revolution. I mean he shows up for the important events, you gotta hand it to him. He was instrumental in the Bolshevik’s successful power grab, and he became Lenin’s secretary of foreign affairs. He did lots of stuff, yada yada yada, learned English from Seinfeld, and seemed to be the successor to Lenin, but as The Death of Stalin taught us, once a leader gets sick all hell breaks out and the succession struggle falls into chaos. When Lenin died, Stalin emerged as leader, and since Trottingham East didn’t like him and in fact openly criticized his polices, Stalin propagandaed him, removed him from his posts, and then exiled him from the Communist Party and then the Soviet Union. After some time in Turkey and a few other Euro stops, Trottingham North was granted asylum in Mexico! Yay Mexico! He and his fam first lived at the Casa Azul with Frida! Did you know! Trotavarius had an affair with Frida, a fellow Communist (Alexander did you know), but like who didn’t (we will get there). I imagine he also ate some amazing food that must have been a welcome respite from cucumber-tomato salad (what I had all throughout the former USSR). After a few years and a few too many fights with Diego (I can imagine what about), the Trotskys moved a few blocks away to their own house, which is now the museum. Despite being probably as far away as possible, Stalin was still mad and prob jealous of the food so he ordered Trotsky’s assassination. The first one, using guns, was a failure, but the last one, with an ice axe, well, the details make it seem like also a failure (I wish I didn’t know the details) but he died the next day from his wounds.
So the museum! So fun! The entry building has lots of photographs from Trotsky’s life and info about his work. It was fun to practice reading Cyrillic again and to listen to all the Russian tour groups (I think when we were there it was just us and Russian tour groups). It’s not super informative but some of the photos are interesting. The real focus of the museum is his actual house and gardens. It has been kept just as it was when he lived there, which means it’s dark, due to bars and shutters on the windows. That also means some of the interior walls still have bullet holes from the failed attack. In the kitchen, his pots and pans are still out; in the bedrooms, shoes are still lined up; and in Leon’s study, his papers and glasses and books are still on his desk. Out in the lovely gardens is his tomb.
So, it’s not the most popular tourist attraction, but I definitely recommend a quick visit before the Casa Azul, especially since his relationship to the Kahlos can help you understand them more.
CASA AZUL: THE BLUE HOUSE OF FRIDA KAHLO
When you visit the Frida house, you buy tickets online in advance. It’s too busy and popular to risk otherwise. But even so, you’ll wait in an endless line snaking around the house, around the block, and several blocks away to enter. Yes, when we arrived in what we thought was good time for our ticketed slot, ticket holders were waiting in a queue for almost an hour. In the SUN, guys. It was rough. If it was for the theatre I would have missed most of the first act and demanded an exchange and better seats.
Is it worth it? I mean I’m not a Frida nut but it’s pretty interesting and, ya know, it’s the big f-ing thing to do. If you really don’t care, then by all means skip it; there’s no reason to set aside a whole afternoon for it. But if you have the time, it’s fairly interesting. You learn a lot about Frida, what she went through, what kind of person she really was. And the house is lovely.
Once you enter, they will try to shuffle you straight into the museum part of the house, where you look at Frida’s and Diego’s paintings with lots of tourists taking selfies with them even though, if I recall correctly, you aren’t allowed to take pictures. Don’t let them manhandle you though – there are no bathrooms until you finish the entire inside tour of the house, so find them first and then go back. It’s a MADHOUSE, wall-to-wall people, and you’ll get agita trying to read about all the works when people are blocking everything. There are some interesting works in these initial rooms, but the better stuff awaits when you see the rooms as they lived in them.
I especially liked the kitchen. I don’t think we were allowed to take pictures but we have this one, so.
Surprisingly, the super long video that’s playing on a deck out in the garden space was incredibly interesting. I usually zone out in museum videos, especially ones that are this long (it’s like a whole movie) but it was great. As we already learned, Frida had an affair with Trotsky, but did you also know she probs had one with…Georgia O’Keefe? Yah. More important than her affairs is the information about Frida’s chronic pain. She had polio as a small child and its effects changed her body forever, leaving her with one leg shorter and significantly weaker than the other, due to muscle atrophy. As a teenager, she would suffer even more after a streetcar accident, which left her with fractured ribs, spine, clavicle, pelvis, leg, a crushed foot, a dislocated shoulder, and an iron railing through her hip and pelvic floor, causing the infertility represented in many of her paintings. They didn’t think she would survive the accident, but she did, and was left with a lifetime of pain.
Her father encouraged her to start painting as she recovered, and that’s how she met Diego. If you’re more familiar with her art than I was, you’ve seen her pain and suffering, as well as her strength, in her works.
In fact, her famous clothing style was a direct result of that: her corsets were really back braces helping her stand up. The square tops of her Tehuanan ethnic heritage could fit over and hide the brace. Flowers in her hair, her famous braids, and other interesting adornment above the neck would lead people to look up instead of down at her broken, withered legs, which were also hidden often by big skirts.
She went through a lot, is what I’m saying. And I knew some of her famous work and some generalities about her life, but I never knew she was disabled. She was an artistic pioneer in large part because of her pain, and it’s worth noting how her disability is largely erased from the popular narrative (and of course the cinematic portrayals). Of course, she still had quite a life – people long thought of her as a victim to Diego’s infidelity, but girl could get it too, and did – but you understand a lot more about her when you know how she was constantly suffering.
Also, she and Diego were Communists. I think it fairly hilarious how much she would despise the capitalist pigs who make endless tee shirts and tote bags with her face on them and how bewildered she’d be by the people wearing them. She’d hate the gift shop on her property selling all kinds of shit with her face. I think she’d hate the Christmas ornaments most of all, or she’d find it all utterly hilarious.
Okay, that’s enough of the serious stuff for today, right? Let’s switch to Arizona trash-bag mode and talk about food and wrestling.
VEGAN FOOD
Coyoacan is a fantastic neighborhood for vegan food. We planned on eating lunch at Aura Vegana (at Malintzin 199), and we stick to most plans, but we were almost enticed away to several other vegan establishments we discovered just as we wandered!
First, we saw Pan Gabriel, a bakery billing itself as entirely vegan! According to HappyCow, it is all vegan, but heads up – inside, we found several products with egg, and several others that reminded me of that one doughnuttery that appeared at the UK Vegan Fest like 9 years ago and told everyone that their giant amazing doughnutty things were vegan even though they looked exactly like another company’s products that were not vegan and then they disappeared from the face of the earth, so, ya know, be wary.
They have a lot of gorgeous bread products, cakes, rolls, sweet empanadas, all kinds of bakery treats that made me absolutely lose my shit and overpurchase in a glutinous fit. However, the actual goodies were disappointing. Everything was very bready, even the things that weren’t supposed to be bread, like doughnuts and cookies and brownies and cakes and well I guess that’s everything. And nothing was sweet enough. Honestly I would skip unless you hear of improvements, or unless you like your treats to be shiny bread.
LITERALLY NEXT DOOR to Pan Gabriel is a restaurant called Temictli, which is billed as ‘Plant-Based’ on the awning but even though I despise the cowardliness of people using that phrase all the time now instead of just saying vegan, they get a pass because they sound amazing and the lady was so nice (also because it’s not in an English speaking country so they can do what they want with words). Temictli’s menu looked OFF THE CHIZZ:
This is not even all of it! We were so tempted to stay put and skip Aura Vegana, but unforch the lady explained that even though she let us in and gave us a menu to look at, they weren’t actually open yet. Oops. Next time Temictli, you sound AMAZ.
So that means we stuck to our plan of Aura Vegana, which was pretty good.
Aura Vegana is a small cafe on the ground floor, right at the entrance, of a larger building with a bar up top and other restaurants inside. They have English versions of their menus, and they have green juice. I was sold before we sat down.
I assume I ordered an ‘Emerald’ juice, which mixed my classic hits like celery, orange, coocoomba, kale, spinach, parsley, and lemon, but I have a slight memory of husbo saying something like ‘you always have stuff like that at home’ so there’s a chance I actually had the ‘Turquoise’, which is celery, parsley, grapefruit, prickly pear, and pineapple. Either way guys, they have various green juices and it’s cool.
Since apparently I share pictures of menus now, here’s one from Aura:
I don’t know why these are called ‘Morning Dishes’ and the next page of the menu – all food from other cultures, like ravioli, various hamburgers, curry, hummus, Vietnamese noodles? – was called ‘Afternoon Dishes’, but definitely stick to Morning because you’re here for Mexican food.
We decided to share an order of enchiladas and an order of chilaquiles. This was baby’s first chilaquiles, which means I didn’t realize what I was getting into: it’s like, fried tortillas with sauces and junk on it, and it’s pretty delicious but was pretty heavy for me. Also, for being called ‘tofu chilaquiles’, there wasn’t much tofu. In fact, there was one piece on top, so, you know. The enchiladas were great, a bit more my speed though it was all heavy, creamy, filling food. We chose the little hogweed and portobello version, although there was not enough little hogweed – I found one strip of greenery which I’m assuming was the little hogweed. Maybe that’s why they said little.
It was all delicious, if heavy, but I should have known that going in. The cashew cheese on top was excellent, as was all the sauciness. Mexican food is amazing.
Outside, we passed a local park that was literally covered in paleta and gelato shops. Paletas are the Mexican ice pops that are made from incredible fruit purees (if you are cool and want vegan ones), which we enjoyed throughout the Yucatan. We decided on watermelon and horchata sorbets from one of the parkside shops, and we liked it, and we loved it.
LUCHA LIBRE
Alright I’m here, she’s here, we all made it to the craziest thing we did in Mexico City, the thing you have to do if you visit CDMX even though it seems ridiculous and if you’re like me you are probably like ‘really?’ but if you are like me you will give it a shot and you’ll be glad you did because it’s HYSTERICAL and SO FORKING ENTERTAINING. On a Friday night after our exploration of Coyoacan and communism and everything, we took the metro to the Arena Mexico for some Mexican wrestling, straight out of the Jack Black movie Nacho Libre but probably not entirely like that but honestly I’ve never actually seen it so shh but it doesn’t matter because now I’ve seen the REAL THING, BABIEEEES!
Lucha Libre is Mexico’s professional wrestling, of the sort you’d see on TV where you know they were faking it but it doesn’t matter. The wrestlers wear masks and costumes and have specific characters to play. The wrestling is as boisterous and raucous as the crowd, and they favor dramatic flips and crashes and bams (I don’t know all the terms) over rule-following and it is RIDICULOUS and it is HILARIOUS and it is AWESOME. I cannot recommend it enough.
When we arrived at the Arena Mexico, there was a line longer than the Frida house line, but it moved. We didn’t have tickets, and neither did the many western tourists in line with us. We had fun talking about our travels and Nacho Libre with the other tourists (I’m really good at lying about movies), and we also bought some amazing swag. Ingeniously, the sidewalks along the side of the building/blocks and blocks where the line travels are filled with souvenir stands. We bought husbo’s brother a Lucha Libre mask, then a few minutes later at another stall we bought him a cape (he’s a fan), then a few minutes later we got t-shirts. It’s like a neighborhood version of the rack by the supermarket checkout.
When we got to the main entrance, we were told there were good 200 peso tickets left for great seats. If you want to spend less, I’m sure you could. The place is freaking enormous, and I don’t think it’s possible for it to sell out, so don’t worry about tickets being available. There were lots of high sections that remained empty.
The only downside to going to Lucha Libre is the venue security, worse than any I’ve dealt with yet. Not only did they take my water – and they didn’t have any free water in the venue, only bottles for sale, which is illegal??? – and my snacks, they took MY GUM. My gum that I can only get in the USA and needed for the plane home so I didn’t vom! Dammit security lady! So so weird.
Aside from that though, it was stellar. Such a spectacle, such a loud ridonk spectacle, and so much fun.
We saw a lineup of 5 matches, I think, including group fights, a random parade of women? I forget, it was bright and loud. But it was awesome. We had recently enjoyed season 2 of Glow so we were jonesing for some well choreographed wrestling that looked painful but wasn’t.
I honestly can’t believe how much I enjoyed this. I definitely recommend it for a touristy but fun cultural experience that you kind of cannot miss. Once we were seated, it ran from about 8:30pm-11pm, about the length of a regular show we’d be at on a Friday night anyway, so it was a new super fun kind of evening entertainment for us.
Here’s my absolute favorite part: all the Mexican babies that are not only up so late but exposed to the UNBELIEVABLE NOISE of this place (bring earplugs if you’re sensitive…not that this baby had any…)
Alright, that’s it for this post! Which of the things that you are probably surprised to have found in this post did you enjoy the most, the Communism or the wrestling?
Oh oh one more thing, found in a shopping mall:
