Hell Yeah Veganism: “Challenge Accepted”

• 1 large onion, diced
• 2T olive oil
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 1t cumin
• 1t paprika
• 2t salt
• freshly ground black pepper to taste
• 1 large Serrano pepper, seeded and diced
• 3C cubed Blue Hubbard Squash
• 2C (1 can) red kidney beans
• 2C (1 can) cannellini beans
• 1C carrots, diced
• 28 oz. can of diced tomatoes, plus water
• 1T lemon juice 
• 1/2 T soy sauce

Directions:

1. If you haven’t done so already, drop your Crazy Mother Hubbard squash off the side of a building. Cube it. 
2. In a large stockpot, saute your onion in olive oil for 5 minutes. Add the garlic.
3. Add the spices and the Serrano pepper and stir for about 3 minutes (adding drops of oil, water, or broth if things start sticking).
4. Add the rest of the ingredients. Refill your tomato can with water and pour that in too. 
5. Bring to a boil, cover, and lower to a medium simmer. Cook for about 30 minutes. 
6. Add the lemon and soy sauce and taste for salt and seasonings. 
7. Enjoy! 

• 4 cups white flour
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 3 tablespoons coconut sugar
• 3 tablespoons brown sugar
• 2 tablespoons cornstarch
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup canola oil
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 1 teaspoon almond extract
• 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk + 2 tablespoons
• lemon zest from just under 1/2 lemon 

Directions:

1. In a large mixing bowl, mix all the dry ingredients together.
2. In a different bowl or large measuring cup (I like the cup because it’s easier to clean) mix all the wet ingredients. 
3. Add the wet to the dry and mix really well. You can use a stand mixer for all this mixing if you are some crazy fancy person who just has everything. Or you can be awesome like me and make do without equipment like a friggin badass.
4. Divide into 2-3 balls, wrap in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for at least one hour. 
5. Thaw for 30 minutes before use.  

For the caramel
Ingredients:

• 14 oz. coconut milk (I used 3 tablespoons coconut milk powder from the cool Indian shops on Brick Lane mixed into water. This could be why mine is runny. If you use regular coconut milk and it gets thicker let me know.)
• 1 cup brown sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 2 tablespoons vegan margarine
• 1/2 tablespoon arrowroot powder

Directions:

1. Mix all ingredients in a saucepan and bring to a boil over medium heat.
2. Lower heat and let simmer uncovered for like 30-40 minutes.
3. Remove from heat and let cool for however long you got. 

ASSEMBLY
– 1 batch above dough
– 1 batch above caramel
– 1 1/2 cups jam of choice (pick rhubarb)

1. Preheat oven to 375F.
2. Roll out the dough to about 1/4 inch thickness. People like to say ‘on a floured surface’ but I like to roll on parchment paper because it’s sooo much easier to clean up. And it’s just easier. Less sticky. Do it my way. 
3. Using a circular thing of about 3-inch diameter (glass, mug, cookie cutter, part from a small blender like I did) to cut out um circles.
4. Place a heaping teaspoon of jam in the center of each circle. 
5. Place 1/2 teaspoon of caramel over the jam. Fold the dough into the triangle shape immediately after placing the caramel so it doesn’t run as far. Fold by pinching the top of the circle into a point, and then pinching the bottom sides into two points. Like a triangle. Or like Haman’s hat, more accurately. 
6. Bake for 15-20 minutes, until dough is golden brown. 
7. Enjoy as you wonder why the celebratory food for this holiday is in memory of the villain.