Veganizing "Friends": Monica's Kiwi Lime Pieby Randi / September 26, 2013
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No, not that kind of stake! Remember from, well, “The One With Five Steaks & An Eggplant”, when Monica’s restaurant switches meat suppliers and she gets free stuff and brings it home to the guys to make amends? Let’s backtrack! So much is happening: Monica gets promoted at work, Ross’s birthday is coming up, Chandler is impersonating a hot guy for a hot lady. Half the Friends – Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey – don’t make as much money as the other three. The moneyed 3 don’t realize this, and they keep coming up with expensive ways to celebrate things like birthdays and promotions, to the 3 poorpups’ chagrin. Poor Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey – in multiple senses of the word – finally have to confront the others about the situation.
Joey: (clearing his throat a lot) Ok, um, uh, we three feel like, that uh, sometimes you guys don’t get that uh… (Pause) We don’t have as much money as you.
Monica: Ok.
Ross: I hear ya.
Chandler: We can talk about that.
Phoebe: Well, then…Let’s.
Ross: Well umm I, I just never think of money as an issue.
Rachel: That’s ’cause you have it.
Ross: That’s a good point.
This conversation occurs after a pretty uncomfortable (and unsatisfying) celebratory dinner for Monica, in which the 3 povers order basically nothing, but do it hilariously. “And…take care!” (This is the only video from this episode I could find, and since I have to share videos as much as possible, here you go.)
After the confrontation comes expected friction and resentment. Finally, Monica, Ross, and Chandler try to fix things by sharing the titular 5 steaks and an eggplant with the others.
Chandler: Gee, Monica, what’s in the bag?
Monica: I don’t know, Chandler. Let’s take a look.
Phoebe: Oh, it’s like a skit.
Monica: Why, it’s dinner for six. 5 steaks, and an eggplant for Phoebe.
Unfortunately, Monica ends up getting fired because she wasn’t supposed to take the food from the new meat supplier. See? Meat ALWAYS CAUSES TROUBLE. Best to just avoid it completely.
Anyway, we won’t get in trouble for having this food, so let’s make some eggplant. And then we’ll figure out what kind of steak/stake we want to work with. (Side note: I just thought of the most difficult Pictionary challenge ever: the kind of stakes that you mean when you say ‘the stakes are high’. How do you picturize that!!!!)
 Chop this b |
 Boil and cover. Duck and cover |
 Salty dog |
I’m going to give you instructions for extremely simple, fast, and yummy miso-glazed eggplant. This dinner is all about convenience, because I figured out what kind of ‘steak’ I want to use.
MISO-GLAZED EGGPLANT
- One eggplant, chopped into 1-inch pieces
- 2T miso
- 1T tamari
DIRECTIONS:
- Boil the eggplant in about 1 inch of water, covered, for about 10 minutes, until soft.
- Drain the water as best you can, and add the tamari and miso. Stir and cook over medium-high heat for about 10-15 minutes, until everything is browning and infused with the goodness of Asian salt products.
 See there are 5! |
Now for the five steaks…I think instead of whittling my own wooden stakes, I’m going to heat up some already made mandarin chicken pieces from Trader Joe’s. They are like steak. Enough. And they are really good. They come in a close second to the Trader Joe’s Chickenless Nuggets or whatever they are called, in the beige bag. Those are my favorite. Anyway. It’s all good fake chicken.
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It’s eggplant in an eggplant dish!!! Cute
So, this was a fun and slapdash “Friends”-themed dinner! See, even when you are pressed for time (and energy), you can always count on “Friends” to lead the way. Like they said, they’ll be there for you.
- In another storyline, Chandler was pretending to be a man with a much deeper and dorkier voice when a ‘hot-sounding woman’ called. What was this man’s name?
- Ross’s birthday hoopla in this episode includes dinner, cake, and a concert to see what band?
- Who gives Monica a hickey?
Related Posts
Three Count ’em THREE Fantastic Dessert Recipes & A Big Hello There!
Look I used a fancy pants flower muffin pan
Man alive, I haven’t posted in a while! And I haven’t posted about food in a longer while! My deepest apologies to all of you who have been sitting at the computer hitting refresh…refresh…refresh for the past month. I hope you took bathroom breaks.
I’ve been so busy because I have been planning a wedding! We have compressed the expected 10-12 month process into about 2 months, so I have been hella distracted. But there’s always time to bake because I read that the appropriate wedding diet is baked goods. So here are three (3!) recipes to make amends for the computer silence lately. From here on out, we should be posting regularly because I hired someone to yell at me every day until I write. (That part is true except for the hiring and paying.)
All three of these recipes were made out of NECESSITY. First, I found a sick sale on Dandies vegan marshmallows at Mom’s Organic Market, so you know I bought the entire shelf. That led to recipe #1. Then, I needed to use up browning bananas. Hence recipe #2. Finally, I found an old can of pumpkin pie mix in the back of my cupboard, and while it wasn’t necessarily going to go bad anytime soon, I sensed how wrong it was to have Thanksgiving food around in the summer. I felt the ghost of Squanto standing in the corner of my kitchen with his hands on his hips, arching his left eyebrow, and mouthing ‘For. Shame’. So that’s recipe #3.
Oh also all three of these recipes have chocolate chips. You can obviously omit or exchange them if you want but then wtf would be wrong with you?
CHOCOLATE CHIP MARSHMALLOW COOKIES
Dudes, before you say anything, I do realize that if I added pecans or almonds or some such, these would be properly called rocky road cookies, but as you well know, sometimes you feel like a nut
BUT SOMETIMES YOU DON’T.
Dudes, before you say anything, I do realize that if I added pecans or almonds or some such, these would be properly called rocky road cookies, but as you well know, sometimes you feel like a nut
BUT SOMETIMES YOU DON’T.
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Ingredients:
**Note: When I used Earth Balance, it produced more of a biscuit-y cookie. The oil made a chewier cookie that I greatly preferred, but some test subjects liked the biscuitness. Your call! Directions:
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The biscuity buttery batch
This is how it looks when it is mixed. Ta daaa
This is what the inside of an oven looks like.
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SOFT BANANA CAKE WITH SPECULOOS AND PEANUT BUTTER RIBBONS
That shit sounds goooood. This was definitely more like cake than regular banana bread. I think because I didn’t use wheat flour or flaxseed, which is usually in my banana bread. Or, it could be because I ate it straight from the oven…
That shit sounds goooood. This was definitely more like cake than regular banana bread. I think because I didn’t use wheat flour or flaxseed, which is usually in my banana bread. Or, it could be because I ate it straight from the oven…
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Ingredients:
For the ribbons:
Directions:
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VEGAN PSA THIS IS WHAT BANANAS LOOK LIKE
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PUMPKIN PIE MUFFINS
What’s better than pumpkin and chocolate chip muffins! So yummy and it shouldn’t just be relegated to November.
What’s better than pumpkin and chocolate chip muffins! So yummy and it shouldn’t just be relegated to November.
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Ingredients:
Directions:
Before. Raw food.
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VEGAN PSA THIS IS WHAT PUMPKIN FROM A CAN LOOKS LIKE
This is what milk on top of canned pumpkin looks like.
Seriously this flower muffin pan makes everything special.
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Ta daaaa! Enjoy! I hope you make all of these right now! They all use the same oven temperature and chocolate chips so it’s not that big of a deal. I’ll be back with lots more stuff soon! Yebop!
https://laughfrodisiac.weebly.com/my-own-creations/three-count-em-three-fantastic-dessert-recipes-a-big-hello-there#comments
London’s Best Vegan Mexican Food: Club Mexicana in Residency at Pamela
In the days leading up to our exciting reservations at Club Mexicana’s residency at Pamela bar in Dalston, we were making our fair share of “PaMELah” jokes in the style of Borat, cultural guide in all situations. Oh Pamela we are now married! Agreement not necessary! Little did we know that that was indeed the Pamela that Pamela Bar is talking bout! The walls above our seats at the bar were covered with pictures of Pamela Anderson! I was very surprised, but it was kind of nice because she is vegan and a pretty strong advocate for animals, so it made sense that she would be watching over the current kitchen residents, vegan Mexican wonder Club Mexicana. Pamela’s kitchen residents change often, as that is what residencies usually mean. However, the Club Mexicana residency is open-ended! That means I can go again and you have even more time to try to go, and you should, because the food is sooo good.
First of all, make a reservation. It was packed. I mean we did go on a Saturday night so there were plenty of people hanging around the bar (and thus us oy back off smellers) just drinking, but I have a feeling it’s always busy. And for dern good reason. I could eat their tacos every day; they’re the best I’ve found in London and by far the most interesting for vegans. The menu at Pamela seemed created specifically for this sit-down dinner atmosphere, and so it didn’t have some of the bestsellers from their regular food stalls, like their jackfruit burrito. No one eats a burrito in a restaurant! We had a hard time choosing off the superb-sounding menu so we ordered a shittonne as usual.
wingssss? far out!
We started with the chicken wings, because we saw another table eating them and they looked so good. Also come on who on earth would not order the chicken wings? The flavor was really strong and fiery, set off well with some salsa verde. It said it came with pickles but there were just a few pickled onion looking buggers; they should give some more real pickles. The breading was really thick and crunchy, which is super important. However, they were way too salty and the texture was kind of mushy instead of dense and chewy. We asked what they were made of and I think a waitress said chickpea flour?? which would be incredibly surprising because hellooo, use seitan. Even so, they were still really good and we demolished them. If they toned down the salt a bit and added some/more vital wheat gluten (and knead it up please), they would be spectacular.
corn that was buried underground in Chiner for 100 years?
Next we tried one of the most surprisingly impressive things on the menu, possibly my #1 pick of the night, the Mexican street corn. Husband wanted it and I was like, yeah sure whatever, but not too excited for it and I probably would not have ordered it on my own because it’s just corn right and corn is in literally all of our food and in our water I’m pretty sure. Well this was the most interesting and amazing corn, so good that I will go and order it again and again despite getting all the kernel wrappings stuck in my teeth as you do with corn on the cob. It was covered in chipotle mayo, ancho chili, and lime zest. But what really stuck out and grabbed me by the face screaming ‘oh my goodness’ was the impression of fermentation. Immediately I thought of natto, that gross fermented tofu that I know I know is not gross but it sort of is, with that strong smell of edible feet. This corn’s smotherings had that same pungency, that same proffering of gym feet but in a DELICIOUS way. It really stood out as being something special. I know right now my husband is like ‘weirdo I didn’t know you liked it so much it was literally just corn’ but it was truly impressive and truly scrumptious like the flying train boat*.
more china food?
Another great dish was the annato glazed aubergine, with sour cream and coriander. (Aubergine=eggplant.) (Coriander=cilantro.) Annatto is different from the natto mentioned above. It’s like a musky/spicy/sweet powder? and also a food coloring? I don’t really know but it made for really good eggplant. It was warm and heavy in its strong flavor, and kind of sweet and sour, reminiscent of a heavy American Chinese food dish. I would have liked more cilantro with it or maybe an additional sharp and bright something thrown in with it, as it was quite a lot to eat on its own, but it was really good. I would love something like this on top of a baked tofu steak or something, or maybe thrown inside a taco. That would be amazing.
plate o kale
To balance out all the heavy and heavily flavored food, the waitress suggested we get a kale salad, which I’m never one to turn down. It was marinated kale (partly with soy; I only took a half-menu picture oops it was so dark) with pico de gallo and pumpkin seeds, or, as the menu read, “pumkpin seeds”, which is ADORABLE. It was decent, for a basic kale salad, and considering it was offered as merely a palate cleanser, it did its job well. But if they want to elevate it from the salad equivalent of lemon sorbet at a French restaurant to something awesome, I would love some more elements added to it, like tofu croutons or even chunks of other vegetable. It was just really a plate of kale, which I adore, but like not everyone is me.
ceviche! that’s fun to say!
Next we were on to our mains, the tacos. We ordered one of every taco and figured we would share each as they are pretty sizable. First, we got the to-fish ceviche tostada. It was on a super crispy crackery base – tostada! – oozing with tomato salsa and topped with really generous slices of avocado that didn’t make me nauseous as most avocados in England do just at the sight of them and all their mealy stripey horribleness. Club Mexicana finds decent avocados. The fish was delicious. No idea how they make it. I would have asked but again, bar, so loud. I would have loved another big piece of the fish on the shell to balance against the other components and sauces, but everything worked well together as it is. Overall a wonderful dish, bright and citrus-y and spicy without being heavy.
i’m not 100% that this is the right picture but you don’t care
On the opposite side of things – spicy but heavy and dark – we had the jackfruit tinga masa pancake, which was really wonderful. Masa refers to the thick corn base and tinga means it’s made with red or green tomatoes and hot chilis and onions. It costs more than the other tacos but it’s like twice the size (perfect for sharing!) and really substantial. The base is a giant masa pancake that is beyond delicious. They make all the tortillas and bases from scratch, like from shucking their own corn I think, and it really shone through with this one, all fat and awesome. It was smothered with pumpkin (spelled right) seed puree, avocado, salsa verde, coriander and radish. The super heavy spiciness was delicious and reminded me of Indian curry, actually. It needed a little more of the fresheners like cilantro and salsa verde to brighten it up but it was really great.
CURSED LOOKALIKES
Next came the baja to-fish tacos, and I was positively kvelling that they saw we were sharing everything and so sent out two small ones instead of making us be all awkward sharing single tacos. Or so I assumed. We eat grabbed one and ate and enjoyed tremendously. The tortillas on these bad boys were insanely perfect, kind of chunky with coarse cornmeal instead of fine, making a much more interesting shell. The to-fish was great, and the accompaniments were perfect, with pickled red cabbage, avocado, salsa verde, and chipotle chili oil. I could have eaten 10 of them, they were so good. I said “wow the fish is so good! It’s like fishy but not in a gross way,” and my husband said, “um what, this is the carne asada taco clearly!” Then we realized that this was still England, customer service would never be that attuned or generous in any industry, and they just put both the baja to-fish and the carne asada tacos on one plate and failed to tell us or distinguish the two for us. Eye roll eye roll! And by this time it was too late, we had eaten our entire respective tacos. They really looked the same, as anything covered with cilantro does. So mad!! I was incredibly unbelievably full at this point, so I didn’t order a(nother) carne asada after we realized this. Boo urns. Husband said it was really good.
As you know, being food-full is not the same as being done eating because there is always room for dessert! The one dessert on the menu was margarita key lime pie with whipped coconut cream. Yum!! The pie part was pretty good, with a mellow lime flavor and a buttery cookie-like crust. The coconut cream was weirdly not smooth at all, kind of chunky and weird; they should work on that. Honestly I adore coconut cream but this would have been better with ice cream. Or lime sorbet! Or both! But it was still yummy.
So, overall this was a fantastic meal. There are some aspects I would rework and some issues to hammer out, but I definitely want to return, even though I got shorted half a taco due to a lack of communication all around. It’s for sure the most interesting Mexican food for vegans in London, and it’s wonderful if you are on the taco cleanse in the near future, as we all are at some point.
So, overall this was a fantastic meal. There are some aspects I would rework and some issues to hammer out, but I definitely want to return, even though I got shorted half a taco due to a lack of communication all around. It’s for sure the most interesting Mexican food for vegans in London, and it’s wonderful if you are on the taco cleanse in the near future, as we all are at some point.
CLUB MEXICANA AT PAMELA BAR, DALSTON (Haggerston?), LONDON
Water speed: This is where sitting at the bar pays off! We had a carafe and when it was empty (every five minutes) we put it on top of the bar and a new one came like magick. Wheee! I would sit at the bar again for this reason even though I had drinking yoots hanging in my personal space.
Service: Fine, considering how busy they were. Then just the failure to communicate about the two different tacos on the one plate wahhhh sadface.
Bathrooms: It is still a bar, with a bar toilet. Not the worst I’ve seen in bars by far but still.
Food: Overall, great!
Bonus: If you drink, the cocktail menu was maybe even more interesting than the food menu, and I’m sure much harder to decide on as everything sounded awesome.
Water speed: This is where sitting at the bar pays off! We had a carafe and when it was empty (every five minutes) we put it on top of the bar and a new one came like magick. Wheee! I would sit at the bar again for this reason even though I had drinking yoots hanging in my personal space.
Service: Fine, considering how busy they were. Then just the failure to communicate about the two different tacos on the one plate wahhhh sadface.
Bathrooms: It is still a bar, with a bar toilet. Not the worst I’ve seen in bars by far but still.
Food: Overall, great!
Bonus: If you drink, the cocktail menu was maybe even more interesting than the food menu, and I’m sure much harder to decide on as everything sounded awesome.
*if anyone got that reference please tell me and let’s be friends and also I want to shout YES THAT’S IT YOU GOT IT like MK after the other orphan guesses “London Bridge is falling down!”**
**now who got THAT reference??
**now who got THAT reference??