Veganizing "Friends": Pulling a Monica, Lasagna-Styleby Randi / September 19, 2013
YES CANDY LADY!!!
YES CANDY LADY!!! Folks, we’ve come to the point in this veganization of “Friends” journey when we get to celebrate one of the greatest things Monica ever made, yet remember that she acted kind of annoyingly in this episode. Maybe I just have no patience for rude people, but I always wanted her to show some moxie and punch her neighbors. Anyway! Enough violence, now onto the candy!
Remember the episode aptly named “The One With All The Candy”? Yeah you do! Monica thought that she should really get to know her other neighbors, not just the other Friends across the hall. She decided that making homemade candy and putting it in a basket outside her door would do the trick. At first, it works like a charm…but then the neighbors get quite boorish, and near abusive. Refresh your memory:
Remember the episode aptly named “The One With All The Candy”? Yeah you do! Monica thought that she should really get to know her other neighbors, not just the other Friends across the hall. She decided that making homemade candy and putting it in a basket outside her door would do the trick. At first, it works like a charm…but then the neighbors get quite boorish, and near abusive. Refresh your memory:
It’s totally worth watching the whole video, isn’t it? You also get to see (at 0:40) my favorite Ross line of the whole episode: “Mine stole my newspaper; it’s like a crime wave!” He’s such a nerd. Anyway, as you saw, the building residents have absolutely no sense of social decency and could really use a punch in the face. But…maybe our little Harmonica’s candy was really so good and so addictive that, without it, the neighbors experienced drug withdrawal. Our task today is thus to make THE GREATEST candy that could turn otherwise nice, well-behaved citizens into DEMONIC BARBARIANS. Let’s doooo it!
One pecan-pretzel cluster, pre-fridge
Last week, when I made “that wonderful nutty cakey pie thing“, I had such good feedback from its eaters that I figured I should incorporate some of the same delicious components here. The candied pecan caramel was a hit, so we’re making that again. Then, we’re also going to melt chocolate with Speculoos. We’ll increase the awesomeness with some crumbled flat pretzels, and mix it all together for a crunchy kind of Speculoos-pecan-caramel-chocolate turtle! To quote Monica, I KNOW!!!
|
PECAN CARAMEL!
Ingredients:
Directions:
 |
 This may be my new favorite thing. When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I’m feeeeling saaaad… SPECULOOS CHOCOLATE!
Directions:
|
The most delicious side project ever
Do you feel like you don’t have control over the volume of your voice anymore? Are you starting to act mean towards nice people? No? Let’s keep going.
TO ASSEMBLE:
- Start by spooning a thin circle of chocolate onto the parchment paper-lined baking sheet. This will help the cluster stay together once cooled.
- Cover that circle with the pecan caramel
- Top that with some crushed pretzels (the pieces in the picture are a bit big for this, but shown for effect, like on cereal boxes).
- Cover the whole cluster with chocolate
- Throw the baking sheet in the refrigerator for a few hours.
Pre-refrigeration, when it’s all melty, it’s almost as good as post-refrigeration
Finished product. I like how the chocolate layer on the bottom of that back one makes it look like a spaceship
So, this is the best candy I’ve ever made. I think Monica would be proud! I hope my neighbors don’t turn on me, though my mom already went into the fridge and ate the still-warm pieces. It’s quite addictive. Try making it yourself, and play around with the add-ins! Also definitely on your to-do list? Watching this Joey gif over and over:
Giveaway trivia:
- What was one nickname the gang had for a not-so-well-known neighbor?
- In Rachels’ b-story this episode, she wrote a very inappropriate review of Tag that accidentally went to human resources. What was Tag’s nickname in this review?
- Why does Phoebe get mad at Ross this episode?
Related Posts
Brighton, UK: The Great Moshimo Vegan Challenge More Challenged Than Great
Every year for the past countable number of years (four?), the wonderful sushi restaurant Moshimo in Brighton has held a special all-vegan dinner event in which chefs from other restaurants present their spin on vegan sushi. It’s called the Great Moshimo Vegan Challenge. And boy, was this year a challenge or what.
It’s a contest, and the diners vote for the winner. Jojo at vegan.in.brighton invited me to join her this year, and considering how envious I have been in past years, I was all for it. Sadly, my suspicion that I bring bad luck around with me like a personal storm cloud was reinforced, because most of this stuff was hella gross.
It’s a contest, and the diners vote for the winner. Jojo at vegan.in.brighton invited me to join her this year, and considering how envious I have been in past years, I was all for it. Sadly, my suspicion that I bring bad luck around with me like a personal storm cloud was reinforced, because most of this stuff was hella gross.
The restaurant itself has fantastic vegan food. It’s a regular mainstream sushi restaurant, but they have one of the most vegan-friendly menus I’ve ever seen in an omni place. Equally important, the management is very committed to providing sustainable sushi — short of eliminating fish altogether. (They did remove bluefin tuna from their menu early on though, so there’s that.) Hence their dedication to vegan sushi, the most sustainable kind, and this event for raising awareness and interest in this most excellent lifestyle.
Everything I have eaten that was actually made by Moshimo chefs has been wonderful. It’s this whole letting-other-chefs-use-your-kitchen-and-feed-utter-nonsense-to-unsuspecting-patrons thing that gets tricky. At this event, eight chefs from different Brighton restaurants and catering companies came in and shared a vegan dish that incorporated the vegan sushi theme and their individual restaurant’s style. It’s a chance for great local chefs to be really creative and exciting and impressive. Usually, they are. This year, due to my storm cloud (but mostly due to lack of effort, taste buds, and common sense), the dishes ranged from boring to inedible to almost good, the worst kind. Well no, ‘inedible’ is I guess worse than food that with a little more effort could have been solid, but the latter makes me angrier. Let’s see what went down!
Everything I have eaten that was actually made by Moshimo chefs has been wonderful. It’s this whole letting-other-chefs-use-your-kitchen-and-feed-utter-nonsense-to-unsuspecting-patrons thing that gets tricky. At this event, eight chefs from different Brighton restaurants and catering companies came in and shared a vegan dish that incorporated the vegan sushi theme and their individual restaurant’s style. It’s a chance for great local chefs to be really creative and exciting and impressive. Usually, they are. This year, due to my storm cloud (but mostly due to lack of effort, taste buds, and common sense), the dishes ranged from boring to inedible to almost good, the worst kind. Well no, ‘inedible’ is I guess worse than food that with a little more effort could have been solid, but the latter makes me angrier. Let’s see what went down!
First, let’s look at all the wonderful food that Moshimo sent out between contest dishes to keep us happy. Seriously, these dishes were the best part of the night. Moshimo is a conveyor-belt-style sushi place, so it was really fun to pick the best looking plate coming down the belt. And it was really smart to keep diners happy and full with actually decent food.
The sampler dish sent out first was heaven. Roasted squash, seaweed salad, and a warm crunchy dumplingy thing I want some of right now. All good. We also got loads of edamame, dumplings, and maki rolls coming down the conveyor belt during the night. Moshimo’s sushi is fantastic. It’s simple yet still interesting.
|
|
DEVIL BE GONE
All right, fine. Let’s get to the contest. First up was a dish called Fancy Nancy, which we learned at the end (it’s anonymous because of the contest) was from the fancy upscale restaurant Terre a Terre. I have been dying to eat at this restaurant, but now? Now I’m iffy! See what one bad showing can do? You always have to be on your game, people! Fancy Nancy featured pickled lotus, kimchee, cilantro, lychee — all of this sounds great and very sushi-like, right — but then these great ingredients came on top of Mexican cheesy rice. Oh my god I am going to throw up again just thinking about how ridiculous this was. Cold, fresh, fruity ingredients over HOT SPICY VOMIT RICE??? What? It was like the rice that comes in a burrito, but two days later. And then with fruit on top of it. I DON’T KNOW. So gross.
This is not sushi
Next up was Mochi Mochi (what a freaking creative name, people!) from the catering company Cashew. This was actually one of the three that I liked. However, it had nothing to do with sushi. They described it as mixed mushroom and edamame stuffed mochi, with ume, horseradish, pickle, cherry sauce, cucumber, and beetroot and carrot crisps. Okay, this was a potato croquette but made of rice. That’s it. A warm, comforting, mild croquette, without a sign of any ume or horseradish or anything aside from warm beigeness. But it was good!
“My chicken brings all the boys to the yard, so I don’t really have to put in any effort”
Coming up next was the Sprouting Maki, from VBites, the winner every year apparently and the winner this year as well! Good job…putting faux teriyaki chicken on a ball of rice. That’s what this was. It was one piece of all-rice “maki” (that’s just a rice ball) with a dollop of vegan caviar (horseradishy tiny balls), and then one piece oh so small of maki with the chicken on top. And then there was a teeny tiny square of papaya, randomly. It won because that teriyaki chicken is amazing. They should have given everyone a bowl of the stuff over rice, but that would have been costly. Or at least the chicken should have been inside the maki to make it more interesting. Oh well. This was everyone’s favorite but I wanted it to be better! Don’t just drop the main/best part on top! And that one plain rice ball was like a boring plain slap in the face. I do want some of that chicken now, though. That Heather Mills knows her stuff.
WHAT ARE YOU
Next was my favorite! I don’t mean favorite like this was delicious, or creative, or anything positive, but I mean it like holy crap, this was the funniest thing all evening. I mean what in the world. This Wasabi Canopy, I think it was called, was from Indian Summer, a catering company that didn’t even show up or send a chef, but just dropped off a tray of these and was like “Hey, other people who don’t work for us, put this shit on a plate and throw it in people’s faces.” It was a gram flour roll that was somehow like jelly. Gram flour, or chickpea flour, is one of my favorite food items ever. I use it all the time. Never in my experience have I discovered how to make it gelatinous and disgusting. I just…HOW??? How do you turn something as benign and wonderful as chickpea flour into a weird cold eggy roll? It felt like the devil’s work.
The dish from catering company 64 Degrees was at least properly named. It was called Gotcha, which is mean but it’s honest. And yeah, everything about this felt like trickery. It wasn’t bad at all, as a snack, but it was odd as a meal. Who thought of this? I wish I could have been in the room when the following conversation undoubtedly took place:
“We should take those small square Japanese rice crackers that everyone knows well from bulk bins and are generically named “Asian Snack” and soak them in a sweet sauce until they get chewy. BUT NOT SOFT.”
— “Um, Pete, that’s really weird. We’re trying to impress people with how good vegan sushi can be.”
“F%*# vegans! All good sushi has fish in it. So let’s just take something that’s already vegan – rice cracker thingies, they don’t have a name – and serve it like it’s dinner.”
— “But that will be really…weird. It might be a decent snack, but that’s not a good meal. We’re trying to win a contest here by presenting dinner food.”
“If we win, then vegans win.”
— “What?”
“Do you want vegans to win?”
–“I…what?”
“Do you have a better idea?”
And that’s the story behind how we were served bowls of those crunchy rice crackery things soaked in a sweet miso glaze until they became unbelievably chewy and caramelized, and how we all lost teeth and gained future cavities.
SAD FACE FOR EVER
The dish that came around next was probably the meanest food I’ve ever been served. It was a ‘Frida Kahlo’. I mean. wtf. That’s what the Mexican restaurant La Choza named this dish. It was a Freedom Rolls tortilla wrapped around habanero chiles, squash, adobo, and avocado wasabi sauce, cut into a maki-sized roll. So it was a little revolting burrito shaped like a piece of sushi. It was extremely hot because of the chiles, but with absolutely no other flavor besides hot public bathroom. Not only was it disgusting like bland vomit air, but it made me lose brain function for a minute and inexplicably I ATE TWO OF THEM. I was sick for weeks. Hell I’m sick now just thinking about it. Why would I waste room on two of these abominations? What on earth came over me? Did the first one not disgust me enough? Was a part of my stupid, stupid brain thinking, “Wait, was that thing I just ate disgusting, or am I making that up? Am I making that up? Did I forget so quickly what that tastes like? Here, let me try again.” NO!
SO WANT
Luckily (or unluckily because I was almost too full from the two pieces of turd I had just eaten), the next dish was my favorite. It was a play on fish and chips and sushi at the same time, and it was definitely the most creative of the night, as if the chef had actually listened to the instructions. It was Unfish and Chips, from the catering company Egg & Spoon. The dish was a big fat piece of quinoa and pickled tofu stuffed maki with tempura tofu wrapped around the outside. A few spots of yuzu ketchup and wasabi mushy pea puree dotted the plate, along with a wakame rice chip. I wish I ate two of these instead. There was a lot of quinoa here, and it was a bit hard to eat, but so is all good sushi, or something like that. The taste was pretty much ‘tempura’, and it was delicious. However, one of the purees, I think the yuzu, tasted like hot empty trash sweat to me. Like a rotten piece of wood. Others thought it was fine, so maybe I had a bad batch or maybe I am allergic to dumb things like pureeing a yellow fruit and calling it ketchup. That was not delicious, but the main part of this dish was indeed, so it’s cool. They came in second place and rightly so. This was the kind of thing I was expecting every round to feature: something creative that actually tasted good.
NO
Sadly, no one saved the best for last here. The last round was not even good. From caterer Sam’s, another terrible competitor who failed to send a chef in and just dropped off trays with no instructions and hardly even a how-do-you-do, came a kohlrabi and shiitake ‘salad’ with toasted sesame oil. I put salad in quotes because this looked more like soup given the amount of oil the kohlrabi was swimming in. So. freaking. wrong. I was so excited for some cool fresh veggies and I was given a full cup of sesame oil instead. The mushrooms were entirely too salty to enjoy, and the kohlrabi was freaking hard to eat with chopsticks because of how oily it was! So gross.
Luckily, the good people at Moshimo gave us their wonderful chocolate mousse for dessert. Can’t go wrong with simple chocolate mousse.
Man alive, can you believe this showing? Do I dare attend next year? It can only improve, right? Even though a lot of the dishes were gross, I’m really glad I went this year. I now know so many businesses to avoid! But seriously it was a lot of fun, and it’s always good to get Moshimo sushi! Even if I had to eat a lot of other crap as well.
Man alive, can you believe this showing? Do I dare attend next year? It can only improve, right? Even though a lot of the dishes were gross, I’m really glad I went this year. I now know so many businesses to avoid! But seriously it was a lot of fun, and it’s always good to get Moshimo sushi! Even if I had to eat a lot of other crap as well.
London Has a New Restaurant Called ‘Bubala’ and Obvs I Love It
Bubala, a Yiddish term of endearment dispensed by elder aunts and bubbes the world over, is also the name of a fantastic new (ish) vegetarian restaurant in London. The word is a cute lil diminutive meaning sweetheart or dearie (not in a creepy Rumpelstiltskin way) that all Jews or Jew-adjacents know well, so to have a Tel Aviv-cafe-inspired joint with this name in Spitalfields is prettay prettay exciting. Serving veggie Middle Eastern food (despite the Yiddish and the Tel Aviv and the hummus, they are careful never to say Israeli because the hipster clientele would disapprove), Bubala offers a delicious spin on mostly familiar dishes that you should definitely check out, if you can get a table.
We went for Valentime’s Day (I LOVE SCHMALTZ) and the food was so good we plotzed. The menu is well curated, with several appealing dips, small plates, and slightly larger/heavier plates. You’re supposed to get like 3 per person and it’s best to share (sharing is caring), and they also offer a £30 ‘let us feed you’ menu. We almost got this set menu (they can do a vegan version) but I added up the many dishes I wanted and it was less than that so I didn’t. Also I like my right to choose. And literally everything we chose was good-to-great, so I’m really excited that this joint is right up the street from me and I can go whenever I make a booking at least 2 weeks in advance because if you try rocking up any sooner than that you will be SOL. It is POPULER…lar.
However, the service leaves something to be desired. OY VEY. We sat at our table for several minutes and no one came by to do or say anything. When I tried to flag a waitress who was leaving the table next to us (and my next to us I mean right up against our legs; it is a tiny cramped loud place and you will hear everyone’s convos but not the person you’re with), a different staff member who appeared to just be watching the scene came by and was like ‘did you need something?’ and we were like hi yes um menus maybe? Any semblance of recognition? What a schmuck. It happened a lot, our concerted efforts to get someone’s attention and them just blanking us. I’M JUST NOT IMPORTANT. Also happening a lot – waiters coming into our section of the restaurant with dishes and just stopping short and staring at every table, confused beyond words about where to place the dish they were carrying. It was so strange, like they didn’t have a system or know to bring this to table 9 or whatever? So several times, a waiter would just be standing in my eyeline looking over every table and considering “hmm, who seems like the type of person who would have ordered the hummus? No, it can’t be that table; they’re holding hands.” WTF. At least 3 times I pointed waiters to the right tables (because I had heard the other tables’ orders, of course). SUCH mishegas.
Anyway, aside from that (sorry to kvetch), our experience at Bubala was PG. We started with two dips – the hummus and the pumpkin tirshy and the laffa flatbread. The waitress asked if we wanted one or two flatbreads and we were like ‘you tell us’ and she was like ‘maybe two, but start with one and see.’ Reader, it’s the best thing on the menu so say you want one at a time to keep it warm but that you want it treated like a bottomless bread bowl to be refilled as soon as it’s empty. IT’S INCREDIBLE. It’s fluffy in the right places and salty in the right amount. That flaked salt though. Omg it’s soo good.
The hummus usually comes with burnt butter (which is the equivalent of putting sour cream in guacamole, what is wrong with people) but they can do it without for vegans. It’s really good guys. I believe there is a small range for hummus quality – you can’t get toooo bad and there’s a ceiling for how amazing it can be, but this was at the high end of the spectrum. You’ll definitely want to keep a plate of this on your table so you can nosh throughout the courses.
hummus i got the hummus
The second activity for our breading was the pumpkin tirshy, which I think just means dip, with harissa, preserved lemon, and kalamata olives. This was good too, very cumin-y I think or whatever spice was masquerading as cumin for my unrefined palate.
The next dish I was MOST excited about: the shiitake and oyster mushroom skewers with tamari, coriander, and maple. I LOVE oyster mushrooms, how thick and meaty they are, so amazing. I heard good things about these skewers but they were fine, not amazing. Z was meh about them, because they turned out to be just grilled mushrooms on a stick without much flavor to them. I do love mushrooms even if they aren’t all fancied up so I was more on board. But I was originally like “oh I just want to get LOADS of the skewers I bet” and then I was fine with just my one, so.
Next up to bat was the fried aubergine (eggplant) with zhoug (ZHOUG AAAAAVERYYY) and date syrup. This was the standout for me. The eggplant was fried perfectly and it was so soft and also crispy at the edges and wow. I’m kind of over eggplant nowadays but not this dish. We love zhoug (ZHOUG AAAAVERYY) (WHO’S ZHOUG AVERY) (SHE THE QUEEN HONEYBEE) and it was used perfectly with this, and there was just enough sweetness from the date syrup. AMAZING.
(Z also got the halloumi, for those of you who still like to support the cruelty of the dairy industry, and said it was incredible like wow. SO THAT’S GOOD TO KNOW FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO THINK IT’S WORTH IT.)
Our first of the more ‘main’-like dishes was the grilled cabbage with tahini, pomegranate, and hazelnut. This was DELICIOUS and something I will try to recreate for a regular weekday dinner. The chunk of cabbage was so soft I could cut it with a fork. It was in a bit of broth so the tahini quickly mixed with it and made a tahini broth, which is everything I’ve ever wanted. And the hazelnuts that might seem just like a lil afterthought topping were actually a brilliant addition, adding a perfect counterpart to the earthy cabbage. I mean hazelnuts are I guess earthy too but in a different way. We love earth.
Our last savory dish was the ful medames, with lovage pesto, yoghurt and malawach (a fried bread). The yoghurt (they spelt it with an ‘h’ so I will too even though my US computer is HATING IT) and the malawach aren’t vegan but they said they could put them on the side for husbo, which is good for us because we are kind of obsessed with ful medames. FUL IS SO GOOD. And I would never put yoghurt or yogurt in it and I already had the laffa flatbread (which is the best thing ever) so the removal of these nonvegan additions don’t hurt it. As fuls go, it was pretty good. I do love my beans.
(Husbo also had the potato latkes (not vegan) and said they were great, but we and the Israelis next to us laughed at them being called latkes – they are perfectly rectangular potato cubes. Delicious, by all accounts, but not free-form-potato-string-patty-like latkes.)
For dessert, there’s only one vegan option (more mishegas!), the coconut malabi (like milk pudding) with hibiscus and sesame brittle. It was pretty nice (as the Brits say about food and I guess since I am one now I have to say it sometimes too)! It’s basic, to have a coconut milk pudding, and not that inspired, but the sesame brittle really makes it. They should put a little more of it in there.
We also got their two fresh tea options: mint and rose petal. The rose petal was funny – it came out and we realized ‘oh it’s just…hot water with flowers in it.’ It wasn’t steeped long enough maybe? The mint tea was a tad whack because it was just a mug with the whole mint leaves in it, with no filtration system, so it was impossible to avoid getting all the leaves in your mouth. What schlamiel thought of this? Also, when we hear ‘fresh mint tea’ we think of the super sweet version from Morocco (the best kind) and often in the Middle East but this was unsweetened. Sure you can sweeten it yourself if you want but it’s actually physically impossible for a human to make their own fresh mint tea to the same sweetness level as someone in Morocco would make for you. It’s too much sugar and you’d realize by the 5th tablespoon that you are drinking the ‘beetus. (Also it’s better with sugar syrup.)
ANYWAY, Bubala is a treaty little treat joint to add to the amazing vegan-friendly restaurant scene around Spitalfields. Highly recommend you check it out if you’re in the area. And if you are, it means you’re near me, so INVITE ME TOO.
BUBALA, SPITALFIELDS, LONDON, UK, EUROPE FOREVER BITCHES
Water speed: Good. They brought carafes of still AND sparkling since I wanted the former and Z the latter as usual. Pretty good replacement speed.
Service: As I said above, this is the part that needs work. It’s super busy and cramped and loud, so there’s definitely justification, but their system of knowing what table ordered what seemed…on the fritz. Also despite two hours there we were never sure exactly who our server was that we should be asking for stuff?
Bathrooms: Meh, they are up lots of stairs so it’s not accessible, and there’s only one (or maybe two).
Food: Fantastic!
Bonus: Despite the location, it’s not too expensive. Also the name <3
