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Veganizing “Friends”: Pulling a Monica, Lasagna-Style

September 19, 2013
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     For today’s installment of Veganizing “Friends”, we are making lasagna! Not just any lasagna, mind you, but the lasagna that was supposed to be perfect, when Jack and Judy Gellar were coming over for dinner to harshly judge Monica and find fault with everything she does. Monica had to impress them with the lasagna, and had Rachel help her layer the noodles. But then…(fast forward the video below to 1:20 to see what happens, then read below to see what happens after the idiots who cut that video stopped that scene):

Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement ring?

Phoebe: Yeah, it’s beautiful.

Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God…. (Starts to look under the couch cushions.)

Phoebe: No, look, don’t touch that!

Rachel: Oh, like I wasn’t dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him… ‘Hi Barry! Remember me? I’m the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!’ Oh God and now I’m gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder…

Monica: Easy Rach, we’ll find it. (To all) Won’t we!

Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!

Joey: Alright, when’d’ya have it on last?

Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!

Chandler: You don’t get a lot of ‘doy’ these days…

Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with…

Chandler: …Dinah?

Rachel: (looks at the lasagna and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don’t be mad…

Monica: You didn’t.

Rachel: Oh, I am sorry…

Monica: I gave you one job! (Starts to examine the lasagna through the bottom of the glass pan.)

Rachel: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!

     Yeahhh, silly Rachel left her ring inside the lasagna! Poor Monica was forced last minute to make spaghetti, resulting in yet another fantastic Judy Gellar moment: “Oh, we’re having spaghetti. That’s…easy.” She is my hero. Anyway! We’re going to make lasagna, and then…you know…see what happens. 
     I enjoyed my cheesy hummus sauce that I made for The Joey Special so much that I wanted to do a similar white bean-based cheese sauce for the lasagna. I saw a few bloggers also using bean-based cheese in lasagna sauce lately, so I knew it could be done. Then, I baked eggplant and zucchini slices, sauteed onions, mushrooms, and garlic, and made/maybe-used-a-store-bought marinara sauce and layered it all together, as you do. 
SPINACH & WHITE BEAN 
CHEESY SAUCE
Ingredients:

  • 2 cans white beans
  • 3t tamari
  • 2t dijon mustard
  • 2T olive oil
  • juice from 1/2 a lemon 
  • 1/2C nutritional yeast(less if you are not a nooch-lover)
  • water as needed for blending
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 12 oz. frozen spinach, thawed and pressed
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Cheesy white bean hummus sauce
Directions: 

  1. Blend all ingredients except the spinach in a blender until smooth
  2. Transfer to a mixing bowl with the spinach, and mix. Taste for salt and pepper. 
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Mushrooms have such shrinkage!
For the baked vegetables:

  • 1/2 eggplant, sliced thin
  • 1/2 zucchini, sliced thin
  • olive oil brushed over

   
     Bake the vegetables at 350 for about 20 minutes, until fully cooked. Then cut them into small pieces for easier ability to cut pieces of finished product.

For the sauteed mushrooms:

  • 1 pint mushrooms
  • 1 medium onion
  • 2 cloves garlic

     Saute the garlic and onion in a bit of olive oil over medium high heat for about 6 minutes. Add the mushrooms and cook until browning and all the water evaporates. 
TO ASSEMBLE:

  1. Tomato sauce
  2. Noodles
  3. Cheese 
  4. Zucchini & eggplant
  5. Mushrooms & onions
  6. Sauce
  7. Noodles
  8. Cheese 
  9. Sauce
  10. Repeat until out of ingredients
  11. You know how to layer a lasagna
  12. At least I hope you do my oh my 
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Layering…
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Ooh ooh we’re layering…
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We’re gonna do some layering…
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Ohhhh we’re done with layering
   
    This came out so well! My omnivorous dinnermates attacked it before I could even get a finished picture, and gave it a great review. I think I might make a bean-based cheese instead of a tofu-based one every time I make lasagna! 
    When I finally got to cut my own piece I AHHH WHAT’S THIS OH NO WHAT HAPPENED I RUINED IT! Look what’s in there har har!
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Oops! Do ya see it!
GIVEAWAY TRIVIA!

  1.  In another lasagna-themed “Friends” episode, why did Judy have to serve frozen lasagna at her party instead of what Monica made?
  2. What did Rachel learn when she did return the ring to her ex-fiance?
  3. What is your favorite Judy Gellar moment? Can you guess mine? (Haha that’s not fair but try!)
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Delicious Baked Polenta, Two Glorious Ways!

December 30, 2014
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   I can never have enough polenta. Isn’t it the best? It’s so cheap, it’s super easy to play with, and it’s Italian. Most importantly, it’s insanely versatile. You can make it straight for a plain side dish, fry up ready-made pieces, use it for dessert, and bake it in a pan with a variety of interesting toppings. Like a pizza or flatbread!
    Recently, I went to London’s polenta-based restaurant called La Polentaria (review coming soon). I loved that polenta was front and center for all the dishes (obviously). I also loved that the walls had interesting information about polenta, like that it has more protein per serving than an egg! (So the wall said. I am not checking because I want that to be true.) Here are two recipes, one for a cheesy mushroom baked polenta casserole-sort-of thing, and one for classic polenta bruschetta. Both dishes would be great for entertaining company, although I prefer to hoard the entire casserole pan myself. 
     First, the bruschetta! Lots of bruschetta will use a raw tomato and garlic mixture, but that’s nothing special, really. If you want that, you can easily just chop up some tomatoes and mix with garlic and basil and olive oil. Easy peasy. But it’s winter so I wanted a warm cooked tomato topping. It really pays off to make your own and not use store-bought tomato sauce or any crap like that. I mean you could; you can put literally anything edible on top of hardened polenta and it would be delectable. But when it comes to sauce, this is the way to do it. 
POLENTA BRUSCHETTA
Remember: it’s a hard ‘k’ sound. None of this ‘shetta’ bullshit.
Ingredients:

  • 1 cup dry polenta/corn meal
  • 2 1/2 to 3 cups water
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil 
  • 4 cloves garlic, minced
  • 1 pint cherry or grape tomatoes
  • 1 cup loose fresh basil leaves (like a small bunch), and about 10 leaves reserved
  • 1/4 cup olive oil, halved
  • 2 teaspoons tomato paste
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1/4 cup water
  • black pepper

Directions:

  1. First, make the polenta. In a saucepan, mix the polenta, 1T olive oil, and water and bring to a boil, stirring constantly. As soon as it starts bubbling, turn the heat to medium and stir constantly like really I mean it. Stir and cook until it starts to thicken, about 5 minutes. If it feels too thick, add more water. It should be thick but still pourable. 
  2. Pour the polenta into a casserole dish, about 6×6 or 8×4 or something medium sized. Set aside. 
  3. Now to make the bruschetta topping. In a saucepan over medium heat, saute half the olive oil and all the garlic for a few minutes. Add the salt.
  4. This is the fun part. Take your tomatoes and squeeze and tear and demolish them over the pan and drop them in. Just tear those little mofos apart into a few pieces each. Keep stirring.
  5. Add 1/4 cup of water. Mix and stir. 
  6. Add the tomato paste and the 1 cup of basil. You’ll probably need the rest of the olive oil here to prevent sticking. 
  7. Bring to a boil, then bring down to a simmer and cook for 15-20 minutes until reduced. If it reduces too fast/gets sticky, add more water and turn your heat down lower. 
  8. Good time to preheat your oven to 300F. 
  9. Your final product should not be sticky but it should be spreadable and thick. Add the 10 reserved fresh basil leaves and the black pepper and stir through. Check for salt. 
  10. Pour the tomato topping over the prepared polenta in the pan. Bake in the oven for 10-15 minutes. 
  11. Let sit for a good 10 minutes. The polenta should be hard and crispy on the edges, and you should be able to pick up squares with your hands. 
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hahaha this is the longest picture ever I love it
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I ran out of pictures
    Next up, we have a ridiculously addictive vegan-cheese topped mushroom casserole. I never buy vegan cheese like ever, but all this talk about the new Field Roast Chao slices over in Murka has made me quite envious. But apparently, the UK’s best vegan cheese, Violife, is just like the Chao stuff! So I bought it. And it is soooo gooooood. It asked me to be used over a homemade pizza but come on I can’t plan weeknight dinner long enough in advance to account for rising yeast dough. Ain’t nobody got time for that! So instead this is kind of like a polenta pizza! It even has my favorite pizza topping: mushrooms! I also threw on cannellini beans because I love beans. 

Cheesy Mushroom & White Bean Polenta Casserole
Ingredients:

  • 1 1/2 cups dry polenta/corn meal
  • 4 cups water
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil 
  • black pepper
  • 1 pint mushrooms, sliced (about 2 cups loose)
  • 1/4 cup fresh parsley leaves
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 1 cup cannellini/white beans
  • 1/3 cup grated vegan cheese (I used Violife and I love it forever now)

Directions: 

  1. First, make the polenta. In a saucepan, mix the polenta, olive oil, and 3 cups of water and bring to a boil, stirring constantly. As soon as it starts bubbling, turn the heat to medium and stir constantly. Stir and cook until it starts to thicken, about 5 minutes. Add the 4th cup of water if it feels too thick. It should be pourable.
  2. Pour the polenta into a medium-sized casserole dish. It should be quite deep, because polenta in this casserole stays soft.
  3. Preheat your oven to 300F.
  4. Arrange your mushrooms evenly over the polenta. Spread the beans and the parsley as well.
  5. Now spread the grated cheese over the pan evenly. Add some freshly ground black pepper.
  6. Bake for 15-20 minutes. Let sit for 10.
  7. Enjoyyyy! 

Love From Philly: My Grandmother Does the Most Amazing Thing With Polenta

September 24, 2014
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    To kick off the next few posts dedicated to Philadelphia, I wanted to start with something I made as a challenge from my grandmother. She’s is a real Philadelphia eye-talian, and therefore she is the greatest cook. This summer, she told me how her mother (a Calabrese, from the toe of the boot) used to make polenta for breakfast in the most amazing way you’ve never considered: fried in maple syrup and butter and covered in powdered sugar. I mean, polenta is one of the most amazing foods ever, but as a sweet food? Incredible! I am not usually up for sweet foods for breakfast (unless we are splitting it ‘for the table’ and we all get savory items in addition, because that’s always a great plan and it’s how I suggest everybody do brunch from now on you’re welcome), but this is something I would happily wake up for. Well, I don’t happily wake up for anything but you get my point. 


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Polenta frying in pools of syrup
Grandmother said you have to use the polenta that comes in tubes for this (and nothing else!), so it holds its shape and sustains the flipping and the frying. There were no real measurements shared; you just add ‘enough’ of everything so it cooks up and tastes good. But I’ll share what worked for me below! I was very skeptical of turning one of my favorite dinner foods into a breakfast (or dessert; I actually made it for dessert) treat, but what a treat it was! You must try this! I think it’s so much better than French toast or something like that because it can’t get soggy and it’s actually good as leftovers. Also, this is the perfect sweet treat for ushering in the new year tonight on Rosh Hashanah! Add a few apple slices and it would be heaven! 
FRIED SWEET POLENTA 
Ingredients:

  • 1 tube prepared polenta, cut into half moons about 1/4 inch thick 
  • 2 tablespoons vegan butter or margarine
  • 1/4 cup maple syrup (or agave syrup or liquid sweetener of choice)
  • 1/4 cup vegan honey (or any other liquid sweetener of choice. Have you tried bee-free honey yet? It’s AWESOME! It’s made from apples! It’s like Rosh Hashanah in a tube!!)
  • 1 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1 tablespoon confectioner’s (powdered) sugar

Directions:

  1. Melt the butter in a frying pan over medium high heat.
  2. Add as much polenta as will fit flat in the pan. 
  3. Pour 1/4 cup of syrup over the pan and let it bubble for 3-4 minutes.
  4. During the frying of this side, sprinkle the cinnamon over the polenta. You can add this instead during step 8, but I like for the cinnamon to get flipped under so it cooks into the bubbling syrup. (It’s like we are baking in the flavor, PPK?)
  5. Before flipping all the pieces, check a few pieces to make sure they are browning underneath.
  6. If they have browned, flip all the pieces over.
  7. Pour some of the other syrup over this side of the polenta. You might not need it all if there is still some syrup bubbling from before; it depends how much has been absorbed or what not.
  8. Cook for 3-4 minutes on this side. 
  9. Remove to a plate and continue until you’ve cooked all the polenta.
  10. Once plated, sprinkle powdered sugar over the whole mess.
  11. Enjoy so hard. 

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This is the kind of polenta you want. In a tube. It’s so beautiful. Naaaaaht.

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Don’t overstuff your pan; you need spatula flipping room!

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Fried sugarrrrrrrrrr

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Bubbly fried sugarrrr
Have you ever heard of something like this? Or tried it? Are you going to try it and tell me how delicious it is? I know I can’t wait to have it again. Let’s all thank my grandmother and Italians in general for their culinary wisdom. Happy new year! 
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