Celebrate Good(?) Times Come On: Babka for Yom Kippurby Randi / September 12, 2013
Righteous mac & cheese with some burnt Brussels sprouts
If you know “Friends” (and I hope you do!), you know that Chandler hates, I mean HATES, Thanksgiving. His parents announced their divorce on Thanksgiving when he was nine years old, and he was so upset that he threw up all the traditional foods he had eaten. Subsequently, he refused to ever celebrate the holiday or eat ‘Thanksgiving-y’ foods. (If I recall correctly, he also started smoking at this point too. At age 9.)
So, we learn through flashbacks that, during college, Ross brought his roommate Chandler home for several Thanksgivings. The first time, Monica offered to make him mac & cheese since he didn’t eat Thanksgiving food. When eating it, Chandler said, in an offhand way, “This is great, you should be a chef!” and Monica just excitedly said “Ok!” And as we know, she became a professional chef. It’s one of my favorite Fat Monica moments, though I love her allatimes.
So, we learn through flashbacks that, during college, Ross brought his roommate Chandler home for several Thanksgivings. The first time, Monica offered to make him mac & cheese since he didn’t eat Thanksgiving food. When eating it, Chandler said, in an offhand way, “This is great, you should be a chef!” and Monica just excitedly said “Ok!” And as we know, she became a professional chef. It’s one of my favorite Fat Monica moments, though I love her allatimes.
So, the following Thanksgiving, Chandler (having dropped his Flock of Seagulls look for a Miami Vice one) asked Monica if she’d again make him some of that “righteous mac & cheese”.
So yay, we are making some righteous mac & cheese! And it’s not even Thanksgiving! (Mac & cheese is ideal for any occasion.) This is the dish that gave Monica her start as a chef! Soo important. This recipe is my usual weekly go-to, but I added a secret ingredient today – caramelized onions – to give it a richer, more autumn, more Thanksgiving-y taste.
You start by boiling carrots and potatoes. I got the idea from the famous VegNews recipe years ago, and since then I’ve adapted it into my own specialty. I usually do two pounds (!!) of each, like 7-8 small potatoes and 10 peeled and chopped carrots (not baby carrots, too sweet). Come on, you need lots of sauce! Then, you blend the vegetables with margarine, milk, nooch, cashews, mustard, lemon, salt and pepper, and sometimes soy sauce/tamari/miso if it needs to be saltier. Mix in your pasta, and voila! My favorite mac & cheese.
It’s like boiling fall
DIRECTIONS:
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INGREDIENTS:
Caramelizing the onions, feeling the flow. These shrunk down to about 1/3 of what you see here when finished
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Blending the sauce!
I make some version of this every week. I love it. The addition of caramelized onions added a warm depth of holiday flavor, but it made the dish a bit too sweet for me. However, just the natural sugars of plain cooked root vegetables, like sweet potatoes and butternut squash, are often too sweet for my tastes. So, if you are a normal person, you’ll probably really like this! You can always make it the regular way first, and then try blending the onions into a portion of it to see if you like it. Either way, it’s a delicious creamy pasta dish. It’s not as blue-box ‘cheesy’ as other recipes, but it’s my favorite. Let me know if you make it!
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Questions for Giveaway points!!
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Celebrate Good(?) Times Come On: Babka for Yom Kippur
My piece!
Yom Kippur, or the Day of Atonement, is the most sacred and important of all the Jewish holidays. You fast from sundown to sundown (so, a day) and pray, repent, atone, and hope that your past sins are forgiven. And then, if you are like 99% of Jews, you and your relatives break the fast with a smoked fish and lox platter from the local Jewish deli. So, to recap what we’ve learned the past few weeks, Rosh Hashanah:apples::Yom Kippur:bagels.
The bagel part is fine, but the huge platter of fish, not so much. I’ll usually make a hummus or two to add to the mix, and some kind of dessert. This year, I decided to up my game in the dessert area and finally make a recipe I’ve literally had saved for 3 years – VeganDad’s chocolate cinnamon babka. I mean, you don’t get any more Jewish than babka. Why haven’t I made this until now, I wondered? Everyone loves a babka! And chocolate and cinnamon combines the best types. Remember when Jerry & Elaine lost the famous chocolate babka?
The bagel part is fine, but the huge platter of fish, not so much. I’ll usually make a hummus or two to add to the mix, and some kind of dessert. This year, I decided to up my game in the dessert area and finally make a recipe I’ve literally had saved for 3 years – VeganDad’s chocolate cinnamon babka. I mean, you don’t get any more Jewish than babka. Why haven’t I made this until now, I wondered? Everyone loves a babka! And chocolate and cinnamon combines the best types. Remember when Jerry & Elaine lost the famous chocolate babka?
Poor customers of that bakery, having to choose between chocolate and cinnamon. As Joey Tribbiani, my usual source of inspiration, would say, “Put those hands together!”* Let’s do it!
Yeahh this yeast is jumping now!
Then I creamed sugar and Earth Balance (which I didn’t really measure; I just spooned it 6 times and figured it was close to 6 tablespoons), added yogurt, vanilla, the yeast, and then the flour. So, the recipe calls for 15 oz. of flour, which is basically 2 cups, right? I had to use nearly 5 cups and it was still sticky. With only 15 oz., it was pretty liquidy. Maybe I did something wrong, we’ll see. This is all very dramatic.
Then I kneaded kneaded kneeeeaded, ‘cleaned’ the mixing bowl, oiled it, and dropped the ball o’ dough in there. It says to let it sit, covered, for 2 hours, but I was out for 4. I returned to find it puffing nicely in the bowl. 
The best stuff on earth
So, next you roll this up length-wise, as tightly as you can. This is where I not only had trouble but didn’t read the instructions properly. I rolled pretty well (it’s a lot of dough here), but then you are supposed to cut it in half length-wise. Like, exposing chocolate. I cut it in half width-wise, creating two little stumpy arms. Oh well, it’ll taste the same (if you close your eyes*) no matter how you do it.
My stumpy twist
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I strayed from the recipe somewhat, as I am wont to do, so I’ll splain what I did. I started by warming up some almond milk and adding the yeast. (The recipe calls for 2T of instant yeast, but I had only the packets that are like 2 1/4 t or something. Whatever…we’ll see what happens.) But it didn’t get foamy! I was freaking out. Was it because I used almond milk instead of soy, as the directions said? Was it because my milk was unsweetened? Ahhh! Being somewhat yeast-fearing, I threw it out and started again. This time, I used warm water instead. I have only ever testfoamed yeast + water + sugar, so I stuck with what I know, and it properly Hulked out.
Punch punch punch!
Next, I made the filling. You melt chocolate, margarine, and cinnamon together, then spread it on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet and stick it in the fridge till firm. Once it is firm, roll out your dough into a big rectangle, like 2 feet long, a foot and a 1/2 wide, something like that, then place the chocolate layer right on top, in as many pieces as it takes.
Chocolate layer on top of the rolled-out dough
Rolling with the homies
So, because I did it wrong, my roll was short & stout like a teapot. But I kind of preferred it this way. Can you imagine how long it would have been the right way? And this way is more fun to pull apart.
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So, once you twist it, you let it sit and rise again for like 1.5 hours. I knowww. It’s probably worth it though. Important yeasting action happening. You probably want real directions, huh? (I’ll use what I did.)
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INGREDIENTS:
Dough:
Filling:
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DIRECTIONS:
Filling:
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ASSEMBLY:
Roll out your dough into a rectangle, about 2′ x 1.5′. Place the chocolate layer right on top of the dough, finagling to cover the whole square. Then, tightly roll the dough lengthwise. Then, cut it in half lengthwise – so the chocolate insides are exposed. And then twist the two halves together. Let this twist sit for 1.5 hours on a parchment-covered baking sheet. Then, bake for 25 minutes at 350°.
Yes, I am recommending that you cut it lengthwise, and not stumpily like I did. My outside browned really nicely, but it was still nearly raw inside. So, that’s the whole point of the long skinny cut – easier baking. I mean, when my version puffed up into a freaking cube, I knew the inside couldn’t be cooked.
Roll out your dough into a rectangle, about 2′ x 1.5′. Place the chocolate layer right on top of the dough, finagling to cover the whole square. Then, tightly roll the dough lengthwise. Then, cut it in half lengthwise – so the chocolate insides are exposed. And then twist the two halves together. Let this twist sit for 1.5 hours on a parchment-covered baking sheet. Then, bake for 25 minutes at 350°.
Yes, I am recommending that you cut it lengthwise, and not stumpily like I did. My outside browned really nicely, but it was still nearly raw inside. So, that’s the whole point of the long skinny cut – easier baking. I mean, when my version puffed up into a freaking cube, I knew the inside couldn’t be cooked.
That’s a huge bitch
It’s pretty great looking though. And yeah, it is DELICIOUS. I definitely recommend making it. But you’ll have an easier time if you cut it long-ways, and not how I did. I mean, this thing is never going to be done cooking. It is bigger than me. But it’s yummy!
*Remember, guess the source/comment on the things that are starred and you will be entered into my big MoFo giveaway! Details tomorrow!
From this post: What was Joey referring to when he said ‘Put those hands together’? And what is the source of the lyrics above the stumpy twist picture?
Veganizing “Friends”: Phoebe’s Rehearsal Dinner Potstickers
We all know how much I adore Monica, yes? She gets angry in hilarious ways, she loves controlling everything, and she has really shiny hair. I aspire to be like her in most aspects. HOWEVER. Today we’re all about hating Monica. I KNOW!! Bitch needs a slap in the face for changing the food at Phoebe’s rehearsal dinner without the bride’s authorization. It’s worse than it sounds: In “The One With Phoebe’s Wedding”, Phoebe, the bride and a vegetarian, requests vegetarian potstickers be served so she has SOMETHING TO EAT AT HER OWN DINNER. But Monica in full-out bitchface mode commits an unforgivable sin:
Monica: (looking at Phoebe eating something) Pheebs, spit that out, that has pork in it.
Phoebe: Oh! I though the potstickers were supposed to be vegetarian!
Monica: Yeah, I changed them. I sent you a fax about it!
Phoebe: I don’t have a fax machine.
Monica: Ah, well then there are gonna be a few surprises!
F-ing A, Monica! I’m still livid on Phoebe’s behalf. EVERYTHING at a vegetarian’s wedding should be vegetarian! F*** the people who think otherwise. And DOUBLE F*** those people that we all know who don’t think they can go 4 hours without eating meat and think they are entitled to being fed meat at someone else’s wedding. F*** that noise. Obviously, I feel very strongly that if you have a certain way of eating, a party being thrown for you should cater 100% to your desires. It’s extra annoying because, for most restrictions, guests/relatives/strangers on the internet will agree with this…except for veganism. A person with celiac disease should have a gluten-free wedding cake, yes, they agree. A kosher couple should not be forced to wrap bacon around their cantaloupe or whatever people like to wrap bacon around, sure sure. Muslims should be able to have Halal-certified meat, of course (but don’t have meat, please). But when vegans try to have an all vegan wedding (or any event), cue the firestorm of negativity. It makes no sense. (But it is a very good way to weed out the people who you don’t want to waste your time playing with anymore.) Anyway, in honor of the 87 weddings I’ve gone to in the past 2 months, I am making Phoebe her vegetarian potstickers today. And they are going to kick Monica’s scrappy behind.
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VEGETARIAN POTSTICKERS
INGREDIENTS FOR DOUGH:
DIRECTIONS FOR DOUGH:
INGREDIENTS FOR FILLING:
DIRECTIONS FOR FILLING:
DIRECTIONS FOR ASSEMBLY:
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Mixing the dough with a chopstick like an Asian lady told me to 
This is the cabbage I used, obvs from Trader Joe’s 
Rolled out dough, ginger in background 
Cabbage filling 
Cooking in the oily water 
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These turned out really well! Yum! The bottoms did indeed stick to the pot, making the edges crispy but still chewy. With practice, I will hopefully be able to mold the dumplings into shapes that aren’t entirely awful. It’s hard! “I keep taking the test over and over again but I’m all, this is hard!”* So, make, enjoy, toast to Phoebe and her long-term vegetarianism (save while she was preggers), and flip Monica the bird! (But next time we’ll be back to worshiping her.)
*I know we have no current giveaway, but if anyone guesses the source of this, my favorite TV quote/scene ever, I’d be thrilled.
