Yekaterinburg: Surprisingly Pleasant City, Though it Could Just Be the Hotelby Randi / July 7, 2017
June 29 – July 2
Dear little baby laptop diary,
I titled this post after one of the most random Broadway plays I’ve ever seen, “Three Days of Rain”, with Julia Roberts making her lackluster debut, Paul Rudd just being our universal boyfriend, and a not-very-famous Bradley Cooper, whom I knew from Alias and was super excited about. Who knew that in a few short years he would be the biggest star of the bunch! Anyway, it was a kind of boring show, and that’s all I remember, which is a shame because I am currently on a train with two days and two nights left to go, and I would like to be thinking about a play instead. How is it going so far, you ask? Let’s just say if I didn’t want to talk so much about Broadway whenever I had the chance, this post would have simply been called Three Days of Pain.
Dear little baby laptop diary,
I titled this post after one of the most random Broadway plays I’ve ever seen, “Three Days of Rain”, with Julia Roberts making her lackluster debut, Paul Rudd just being our universal boyfriend, and a not-very-famous Bradley Cooper, whom I knew from Alias and was super excited about. Who knew that in a few short years he would be the biggest star of the bunch! Anyway, it was a kind of boring show, and that’s all I remember, which is a shame because I am currently on a train with two days and two nights left to go, and I would like to be thinking about a play instead. How is it going so far, you ask? Let’s just say if I didn’t want to talk so much about Broadway whenever I had the chance, this post would have simply been called Three Days of Pain.
After our 24 hour stay in Yekaterinburg – our lovely, fancy-hotel-staying-to-reward-ourselves-after-the-24-hour-train-and-to-treat-ourselves-before-the-3-day-train stay- we boarded The Train. This would be our longest train journey yet, longer than the baby-sized sleepers we’d done so far, longer than when we took Amtrak from Chicago to San Francisco and thought we were so brave. I want to slap old me across the face. Amtrak was luxury. We had a tinier cabin but it was just the two of us, and man alive if I ever slam Amtrak bathrooms again, remind me of where we are now. I would kill for an Amtrak bathroom on this train. We boarded 10pm Thursday, as I write it is 2pm Friday, and we get off this Snowpiercer on SUNDAY at noon. SUNDAY. From boarding THURSDAY! Guysss I don’t know if I’m going to make it. Well if anyone is actually reading this it means I made it, because there’s no wifi so I have to post this after we disembark on that magical day (and actually, after I post all the other posts that come chronologically before this because that’s how I want to do it), BUT STILL, who knows how changed I will be. Who knows if I will still have the same likes, the same dreams and passions, the same hair or if I tore it all out in a ravenous fit of cabin fever unchecked by all the Ativan Caki gave me (thank you Caki)? Will I even be human? Are we human or are we dancers? It’s already starting, see.
Oh dear sweet little baby 8 pound 6 ounce newborn infant laptop, don’t even know a word yet…
We boarded last night and found an empty cabin, which was nice so we could put all our stuff away without bothering people already there (this train started all the way back in Moscow). A very clean surprisingly non-smelly older gentleman (our first non-smelly gentleman in the whole country!) joined us, and he was fine. It was a lucky roommate to have! He was a history professor who was very nice and we chatted for like a minute before we all went to sleep. Perfect! Unfortunately, it was short-lived. The train made approximately 25 stops during the night, during which I started thinking about how excited my brother is for the new “Murder on the Orient Express” movie (me too what a cast hooray for Baby Leslie Odom (I decided to call everyone who is a ‘Jr.’ just ‘Baby’ instead, shout out to Baby Robert Downey)) but then of course I started THINKING about Murder on the Orient Express and how I’m as close right now to that situation as I’ll ever be and these strangers are always in our cabins and everyone smells bad and has knives because we all came prepared with days of food and the appropriate cutlery and I was like don’t let anyone stab anyone tonight Dame Judy! So then I couldn’t sleep for a while. I finally started to maybe get closer to sleep, despite the rocking motion of this train being worse than the downtown trains of the NYC subway the ones you cannot possibly try to surf hands-free during else you’ll fly into the opposite end of the carriage, and much worse than the tube with all its own dragon noises and bumping and creaking and omg. But then, at 4am, our friendly cabinmate got off at his stop. Lucky guy was only on a train for 6 hours! That’s nothing! Then, unfortunately, it started. The kind of cabinmates I had feared started coming in our room. Our first new cabinmate was a smelly Russian man about our age who immediately took his shirt off and let the smell fester even more. I was on a bottom bunk, Husband was on the top, and Shirtless Youth was on the other top. Then a few hours later after another frighteningly jerky stop, our next cabinmate arrived. He is maybe in his 40s, maybe 50, and he is a giant flesh person. He is just a giant sack of human. This is a tiny f-ing cabin and either his endless flesh or his even worse stench is EVERYWHERE. We can’t put our legs down to sit on my bunk because his are there. We can’t breathe without breathing in his b.o. He is scratching right now while humming. He scratches his uncovered skin (he’s wearing shorts and like a belly shirt) and flicks whatever comes up all while humming, Guys. I’m trying to be strong and brave and grateful. I am grateful that he doesn’t smell like smoke. That’s literally all I got.
I thought the unwritten but definite rule of these cabins was that whoever is on the top gets to sit on the bottom bunk on their side during the day and use the little table for their meals. Each side keeps to themselves. I begrudgingly learned this on our first long train when Husband and I both had bottoms so the woman on top of mine sat on my bed a lot. I learned, great, that’s how it’s done, she can’t prepare her food and eat up top. OK, I got it, sorry I gave you a bad look. But this morning, after I exercised outside our door in the hallway (there’s a bar running down the hallway of our cabin, it’s tight but it’s enough space to do barre exercises like I’m a GODDAMN BALLERINA and lots and lots of squat variations and calf raises. No one was up when I was out there so I also got out my resistance bands and worked my back so darn happy about that I think I’d go insane if I was cooped up here and couldn’t at least try to work a muscle), I came back to sit on my bed and read and Shirtless Youth was sitting on my pillow by the table making his breakfast. Like. NO. You get the bottom bunk and table part from the guy BELOW YOU. That’s the rule!! Omg! I guess he literally couldn’t because the Giant Flesh Ball Man was oozing out everywhere you turned and they couldn’t both sit on that bunk, but still, that’s not my problem man! I waited outside and did more calf raises and then when he got up I claimed my spot back and haven’t left since. Except to pee in the literal pits of despair. These toilets are so grimy and sludgy and I’m spending so much time in there because I pee a lot and Husband and I brought 15 liters of water on this trip with us and I have to drink it even though I fear it’s not enough for three days. That’s for two people! (We each carried a 5L jug and had three 1.5L bottles between us and I also had about 1/2 liter left in another bottle. Hey I guess that is 16L maybe we will make it.)
OH MY GOD Giant Flesh Ball just went to the bathroom and came back shirtless and is now putting deodorant on while sitting next to me I am going to vomit. OH my god Shirtless Youth is also still shirtless and just got down from his top bunk by jumping onto my bed with his smelly feet right on my sheets, right next to my physical body. He was just ‘cleaning’ his grundle with his towel I cannot believe this. GFB Man is still humming and now is drumming his fingers in rhythm the whole time on the table omg I am going to LOSE MY MIND.
Oh wait. Oh my god they both seem to be getting dressed! And not in their smelly sleep clothes, in real clothes with buttons and things! Ahh praise Jesus are they disembarking? Did we reach their stop? Or did we reach my melting point? We don’t stop for like 30 minutes I cannot wait to see how this goes! I’m so nervous and excited and scared that I’m getting my hopes up! Are they going?? Will our new neighbors be even worse? Even smellier? Even more in my personal space? Why do men think they have the right to my personal space? I guess we will see what happens in 30 minutes when we stop at some combination of letters I already forgot. I have to go pee before they lock the bathrooms at the stop (they get locked at every stop because, well, because everything ‘flushes’ onto the track, so at least it’s a civilized reason). We will see what happens.
Oh my god she already locked the bathroom! We don’t arrive at the stop for another 30 minutes this is INHUMAN. GFB Man is brushing his crumbs from his side of the table towards me and the computer. That’s just swell of you. He’s still humming. Shirtless Maybe-Not-So-Young Man is now shirtless again, despite having dressed himself five minutes ago, so I have less hope of his departure now. He’s also sitting on his top bunk with his feet hanging off pretty much in my face (it’s tiny room) and they smell so bad my eyes are tearing. I’m also equally frightened that if they do get off, our newbies will be even worse. What if THEY reek of smoke? Ughhh that would be worse. And we have TWO FULL DAYS LEFT. Two more sleepless nights. Two more days of having to time my bathroom breaks between frequent stops. Two more days of constant Purell because there’s no soap in the bathrooms. Two more days of using precious bottled water to brush my teeth and wash my face because the train water would give me cholera. Two more days without contacts because no way I’m touching my eyes. Actually that last one is good, my eyes need a break from contacts.
While I wait on my ability to pee and breathe from the smelly guys maybe leaving and cry from possibly worse new cabinmates, I will tell of all the food we had to buy and bring onboard for 3 days. No meals are included in our ticket and the dining car is very expensive, but also I think they have zero options for me anyway. Husband will check it out later or tomorrow I’m sure (we can’t both leave, someone has to guard our stuff). So in Yekaterinburg, we found a few giant supermarkets that were very expensive (they had no cheap supermarket, so weird! No little bodegas like have been all over the rest of Russia either). We found lots of good treats and bought a lot, but considering it’s three days worth of food for two people it’s probably just right. We bought jars of white beans in tomato sauce with some veg in there, which I’m sooo pumped about. Like mamma ‘taliano looking stuff, I hope. We also found vegetarian grape leaves in a can, another tomato sauced bean thing in a can, and lots of bread. And we brought that fantastic Russian staple, instant kasha! Sooo good. I used to think kasha was just a part of that disgusting Main Line Jewish dish of kash’ n’ bowties but aside from that it’s actually really good. And good for you! Along with cucumbers, tomatoes, and pickles (probably not the best idea because they smell, but if people don’t care how their bodies smell why should I care how my food smells), and more apples and orange, we are set. Plus we found a lot of chocolate in Yekaterinburg so happy dance. And cookies! Every city we’ve been in so far, I’ve scoured ingredient labels and found one package of accidentally vegan cookies. Never the same one, so we’re on our third try. The chocolate chip ones in St. Pete’s were still the best, but the cinnamon ones in Moscow were very yummy too. I will report back on these weird blueberry puffballs I found! I hope that when we eat all this stuff I don’t have a Meg Ryan in “French Kiss” train moment (LACTOSE INTOLERAAAAANCE who knows it? best movie ever I pretend Kevin Kline won his Tony a few weeks ago as a belated gift for “French Kiss”).
quick cooking kasha! |
this chocolate bar is ALL OVER the country !! accidentally vegan wooohooo |
these amazing Trader Joe’s finds are gonna get me through! Brought two bags! |
found these amazing dehydrated veggie crackers at Veggie Bro in Vladimir (go back and read about it if you missed it last week!) |
There are good things. I got to have an instant Quaker oatmeal packet for breakfast today, which is (I’m sorry) one of my favorite foods and one of the easiest things to make because of the samovar in our carriage (every carriage has a samovar of endless (god I hope!) hot water, so anything instant is good). We also use the boiled water to clean our dishes and stuff. I read “Between the World in Me” already, which was wonderful, “The Days of Abandonment”, which I actively despised (sorry Kip), and David Sedaris’s new diary-entry book, which is better in short bursts than all at once. I also reread dear sweet Nora’s “I Feel Bad About My Neck” because it’s the best. I have a lot of podcasts on my phone, and I could listen to at least half of one Gilmore Guys (or five regular length podcasts) before my battery dies. Also, there are really nice Dutch women with two little kids down the car who we are talking to a bit. They smell fine. It’s a treat.
Well, back to reality. The two smelly guys did indeed get off. But we immediately got two new Russian men who…I’m not yet sure, but I think they might be worse. They’re meaner, that’s for sure. When they came by, I said hello (in Russian) and smiled and they didn’t even blink or glance at me just threw their stuff on their bunks and went back out. WTF. A few minutes later, Husband did the same thing when they returned and again, no eye contact, no utterance of any kind in our direction. Stupid Russian jerks! Fine don’t talk to us, that’s good for me. But they smell a little smoky, which better not get worse. I’m promising myself two things: If they ‘magically’ get smokier (meaning they’ve smoked on the train, which is not allowed), I am going to say something (I am able to say ‘you smoked? where? not allowed!”); and if they sit on my bed at any point I am putting my foot down and getting super scary and yelling “NYET! that is your side, and this is our side.” I think I know how I say that. They know each other so that makes it easier. I hope it doesn’t come to my having to yell in very poor Russian at men I have to sleep next to for at least one night. Their phone noises are on, too, which is a big no-no, and just as the icing on the cake, their phone noises are incredibly loud bits of very bad songs.
Dear little baby laptop, lying there in your ghost manger, just watching your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learning about shapes and colors…
Guys! The men all left super quickly and we had the cabin to ourselves for dinnertime on the second night! Then an army man joined us and was so well behaved and organized (and made his bed immaculately in 8 seconds flat, we were very embarrassed about how ours looked after that). He smells fine! The Dutch family down the hall has become our friends, and they are vegetarian so we are going to all meet in Mongolia (where we all end up for Naadam) at Loving Hut! And there’s a Danish girl (not to be confused with The Danish Girl) about our age who is now also our friend and we will probably see in Mongolia! Things are looking up in Duloc! Oh man it all really depends on your cabinmates, I guess. Well but the constant bathroom locking is terrible, especially for me, so that is really rough. But with decent, nonsmelly roommates this whole train thing might actually be…fun? Okay obviously I need a nap since I’m clearly losing it.
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In Which I Go To Las Vegas On My Own Volition
Hell(o)
Las Vegas is not my kind of place.
First of all, the excessive cigarette smoking is ridiculous. It’s like mad scientists bottled up all the smoke ever smoked in the history of France, Spain, and Italy combined, and then emptied said bottle into an unventilated room, dooming everyone in that room to breathe the thousands of years of strangers’ used smoke in and out, in and out, over and over.
Secondly, the resorts are designed to keep you in, making it so difficult to get out that you’re forced to give up trying, rendering you an impotent, suddenly claustrophobic basketcase with heart palpitations. (During this last trip, it took me 45 minutes to find an exit out of the Caesars Casino & Forum Shops. At that point, I found an Exit door. This led me to an alley and parking garage behind the entire Caesars grounds, with absolutely nothing in sight but desolation and a highway. I could have walked a mile on the highway to get back to the Strip, but instead I was forced back inside that hellhole, for another hour of fun searching for an exit. What. The. Hell.)
Third, I don’t gamble. Or drink. So, yeah, Vegas is not for me.
First of all, the excessive cigarette smoking is ridiculous. It’s like mad scientists bottled up all the smoke ever smoked in the history of France, Spain, and Italy combined, and then emptied said bottle into an unventilated room, dooming everyone in that room to breathe the thousands of years of strangers’ used smoke in and out, in and out, over and over.
Secondly, the resorts are designed to keep you in, making it so difficult to get out that you’re forced to give up trying, rendering you an impotent, suddenly claustrophobic basketcase with heart palpitations. (During this last trip, it took me 45 minutes to find an exit out of the Caesars Casino & Forum Shops. At that point, I found an Exit door. This led me to an alley and parking garage behind the entire Caesars grounds, with absolutely nothing in sight but desolation and a highway. I could have walked a mile on the highway to get back to the Strip, but instead I was forced back inside that hellhole, for another hour of fun searching for an exit. What. The. Hell.)
Third, I don’t gamble. Or drink. So, yeah, Vegas is not for me.
However.
Thanks to Steve Wynn, I am willing to return to my version of hell. The famous casino magnate is now vegan, and he made damn sure that his casino’s restaurants were vegan-friendly. He overshot his mark though, because they are not vegan-friendly; they are vegan MECCAS. Despite the Wynn (and its companion hotel Encores, where many of the restaurants are located) being in Vegas, I’d go back. A lot. I KNOW!
DINNER #1: BOTERO (Encores)
For my first fancy dinner in Las Vegas, I made a reservation at Botero, an upscale, swanky restaurant with dim lighting. (Mostly just mentioning this to justify my photos.) The separate vegan menu offered a five-course dinner for $60. Considering the average entrée cost about $30 on its own, this deal was too good to pass up in this generally pricey place.
Soon after we were seated, our wonderful waiter Ramon brought us glasses of water.
(NB: Since this is my first restaurant review, I will explain a few things. I am always insanely thirsty, and I drink a lot of water. I always need water. Consequently, I always have to pee. Therefore, I will always try to comment on a restaurant’s speediness in bringing water to the table, and the quality of its bathrooms.)
Soon, he brought us a basket of assorted delicious breads and breadsticks. He made sure that it was only full of vegan options, and he even brought us a dish of Earth Balance butter before we could ask! The breads were warm, as all good bread should be, and we happily polished off the basket, not realizing just how much food was coming our way. I never learn.
For my first fancy dinner in Las Vegas, I made a reservation at Botero, an upscale, swanky restaurant with dim lighting. (Mostly just mentioning this to justify my photos.) The separate vegan menu offered a five-course dinner for $60. Considering the average entrée cost about $30 on its own, this deal was too good to pass up in this generally pricey place.
Soon after we were seated, our wonderful waiter Ramon brought us glasses of water.
(NB: Since this is my first restaurant review, I will explain a few things. I am always insanely thirsty, and I drink a lot of water. I always need water. Consequently, I always have to pee. Therefore, I will always try to comment on a restaurant’s speediness in bringing water to the table, and the quality of its bathrooms.)
Soon, he brought us a basket of assorted delicious breads and breadsticks. He made sure that it was only full of vegan options, and he even brought us a dish of Earth Balance butter before we could ask! The breads were warm, as all good bread should be, and we happily polished off the basket, not realizing just how much food was coming our way. I never learn.
First course:
Spring Onion Curry Soup
This creamy soup could easily have been too heavy, what with the hot weather and the curry flavoring, but the spring onion twist, and the crispy spinach accompanying the soup, lightened it. It was just the right level of comfort. A very good start.
Spring Onion Curry Soup
This creamy soup could easily have been too heavy, what with the hot weather and the curry flavoring, but the spring onion twist, and the crispy spinach accompanying the soup, lightened it. It was just the right level of comfort. A very good start.
Second course:
Grilled Vegetable Arepas
Wow. Holy god wow. Ramon mentioned that the arepas were his favorite dish on the vegan menu, and he was right. They might be the best thing I ate during an entire week in Vegas. An incredibly thin, perfectly greasy cornmeal shell was stuffed with grilled vegetables, garlic aioli, and a huge chunk of avocado cooling it off. I could have eaten 1000 of these. I’d happily eat these every day. Just perfection. Wow. I want one right now!
Grilled Vegetable Arepas
Wow. Holy god wow. Ramon mentioned that the arepas were his favorite dish on the vegan menu, and he was right. They might be the best thing I ate during an entire week in Vegas. An incredibly thin, perfectly greasy cornmeal shell was stuffed with grilled vegetables, garlic aioli, and a huge chunk of avocado cooling it off. I could have eaten 1000 of these. I’d happily eat these every day. Just perfection. Wow. I want one right now!
Third course:
Rice Flour Penne
Rice Flour Penne
By this point, I was starting to feel full. I pride myself on my usual ability to eat like that Japanese woman who set the hot dog record, so it really stinks when I falter on important stages. The next two courses were the entrees, and they were regular entrée-sized! However, champions push through. This pasta was nice, with some grilled broccoli and ‘tomato water’. I could have used more broccoli, and overall it was nothing special, but not bad.
Fourth course:
Chicken Gardein
Steve Wynn apparently adores Gardein (with dern good reason), because it shows up on nearly all of his vegan menus. However, it was not just heated up and thrown on the plate like we do at home. This was cooked so well it seemed like a house delicacy. I definitely would not have recognized it as the faux meat I’ve had so often. It was perched atop grilled fingerling potatoes and smooth fava bean hummus. I admit, I could not finish the potatoes. So much food! But this was definitely a wonderful entrée. Gardein is amazing!
Chicken Gardein
Steve Wynn apparently adores Gardein (with dern good reason), because it shows up on nearly all of his vegan menus. However, it was not just heated up and thrown on the plate like we do at home. This was cooked so well it seemed like a house delicacy. I definitely would not have recognized it as the faux meat I’ve had so often. It was perched atop grilled fingerling potatoes and smooth fava bean hummus. I admit, I could not finish the potatoes. So much food! But this was definitely a wonderful entrée. Gardein is amazing!
Fifth course:
Blueberry Ginger Tart
My dining companion asked the waiter if she could substitute the chocolate mousse on the regular vegan menu for her dessert, because she is obsessed with chocolate and couldn’t fathom going without. The amazing Ramon of course made it possible, and I was happy to get to try another item. However, there was no comparison. I usually favor chocolate as well, but this blueberry ginger tart was impeccable. It was warm, covered with almond streusel and blueberry port reduction. And while blueberry and ginger is a pretty perfect combination, what always makes it even better? Lemon. Yup, the tart was complemented by a light lemon sorbet. Perfection. This was definitely in my top ten of restaurant desserts. Good job, Botero!
Blueberry Ginger Tart
My dining companion asked the waiter if she could substitute the chocolate mousse on the regular vegan menu for her dessert, because she is obsessed with chocolate and couldn’t fathom going without. The amazing Ramon of course made it possible, and I was happy to get to try another item. However, there was no comparison. I usually favor chocolate as well, but this blueberry ginger tart was impeccable. It was warm, covered with almond streusel and blueberry port reduction. And while blueberry and ginger is a pretty perfect combination, what always makes it even better? Lemon. Yup, the tart was complemented by a light lemon sorbet. Perfection. This was definitely in my top ten of restaurant desserts. Good job, Botero!
Chocolate mousse, with raspberries & whipped cream
BOTERO at the Wynn/Encores
Water speed: Great; refilled very frequently
Bathrooms: Clean and super fancy individual rooms; never had to wait
Service: Impeccable. Thanks Ramon!
Food: Overall, fantastic and recommended
Bonus: As we walked through the Wynn into Encores, trying to find the restaurant, we passed Brad, Angelina, and the entire Jolie-Pitt clan. And they were so friendly! I got to say hi to Zahara! Best ever!
Water speed: Great; refilled very frequently
Bathrooms: Clean and super fancy individual rooms; never had to wait
Service: Impeccable. Thanks Ramon!
Food: Overall, fantastic and recommended
Bonus: As we walked through the Wynn into Encores, trying to find the restaurant, we passed Brad, Angelina, and the entire Jolie-Pitt clan. And they were so friendly! I got to say hi to Zahara! Best ever!
Las Vegas Lunch: TERRACE POINT CAFE (The Wynn)
For lunch one day, we trekked back to the Wynn to try the Terrace Point Café. Unfortunately, I somehow lost my food pictures, but I will do my best to describe what we ate.
Luckily, it wasn’t too busy when we arrived (boy it got busy!), and we got the prime table outside, adjacent to the staircase leading down to the pool. Beautiful! However, there were pigeons (I think; some kind of bird) surrounding us. One of them pooped about four inches from me, and our waiter promptly stepped in it before I could warn him. When I was in the bathroom, apparently a few were just sitting on our table! We were done eating at that point, luckily for us, because bird diseases.
For lunch one day, we trekked back to the Wynn to try the Terrace Point Café. Unfortunately, I somehow lost my food pictures, but I will do my best to describe what we ate.
Luckily, it wasn’t too busy when we arrived (boy it got busy!), and we got the prime table outside, adjacent to the staircase leading down to the pool. Beautiful! However, there were pigeons (I think; some kind of bird) surrounding us. One of them pooped about four inches from me, and our waiter promptly stepped in it before I could warn him. When I was in the bathroom, apparently a few were just sitting on our table! We were done eating at that point, luckily for us, because bird diseases.
The pool at the Wynn, as seen from our lunch table
We ordered two sandwiches to share:
Tempeh ‘Tuna’ Sandwich on wheat, $18
I don’t understand why this was $18. The tempeh tuna salad was nice, but I’ve made better 100 times. It was served on little circles of wheat bread with the crusts cut off, like two adorable tea sandwiches. It was good, and came with a little side salad, but it cost about 300% of what it should have. Really angered me, actually, especially because of the:
Wynn ‘Burger’ with Cheese, $9
This was pretty good, it came with fun accompaniments, and was half the price of the tempeh tuna! What is up with that? I recommend this one. The burger was mind-blowingly reminiscent of a cheap fast food cheeseburger, in the best possible way (meaning, tasted good and lacked the cow intestines and E. coli mixed in!). A Gardein patty with American soy cheese, ketchup, yellow mustard, pickles, and onions, it tasted just like a 99c special you’d get thrown to you in a drive through. Not only that, it was served with a bunch of quality thin-cut fries and a full-sized chocolate soy shake! So fun! Again, I ask you, why was this half the price of the two little circle tuna sandwiches? Steve? Anybody?
Terrace Point Cafe at the Wynn/Encores
Water speed: Good
Bathrooms: Clean, big, fancy
Service: OK; a few corporate looking groups came in and were more important than us
Food: Just OK, weirdly priced
Bonus: Pool-side table, chocolate shake
Anti-bonus: Bird poop
Tempeh ‘Tuna’ Sandwich on wheat, $18
I don’t understand why this was $18. The tempeh tuna salad was nice, but I’ve made better 100 times. It was served on little circles of wheat bread with the crusts cut off, like two adorable tea sandwiches. It was good, and came with a little side salad, but it cost about 300% of what it should have. Really angered me, actually, especially because of the:
Wynn ‘Burger’ with Cheese, $9
This was pretty good, it came with fun accompaniments, and was half the price of the tempeh tuna! What is up with that? I recommend this one. The burger was mind-blowingly reminiscent of a cheap fast food cheeseburger, in the best possible way (meaning, tasted good and lacked the cow intestines and E. coli mixed in!). A Gardein patty with American soy cheese, ketchup, yellow mustard, pickles, and onions, it tasted just like a 99c special you’d get thrown to you in a drive through. Not only that, it was served with a bunch of quality thin-cut fries and a full-sized chocolate soy shake! So fun! Again, I ask you, why was this half the price of the two little circle tuna sandwiches? Steve? Anybody?
Terrace Point Cafe at the Wynn/Encores
Water speed: Good
Bathrooms: Clean, big, fancy
Service: OK; a few corporate looking groups came in and were more important than us
Food: Just OK, weirdly priced
Bonus: Pool-side table, chocolate shake
Anti-bonus: Bird poop
Hello, lover
DINNER #2: SINATRA (Encores)
If you’ve looked into Las Vegas dining at all, you’ve probably heard of Sinatra. Tucked into the back corner of the Wynn/Encores complex, this restaurant is worth making time for. An old-fashioned, formal dining room with tablecloths, high seats, incredible food, and Frank’s Grammy, Emmy, and Oscar awards on display at the entrance, Sinatra was an almost-perfect dining experience.
We started with a basket full of warm Italian bread and breadsticks. The waiter brought me a dish of Earth Balance, which I was definitely starting to get used to! As usual, I ate an enormous amount of bread. It was good. Is there anything better than warm bread and EB? Hot damn.
If you’ve looked into Las Vegas dining at all, you’ve probably heard of Sinatra. Tucked into the back corner of the Wynn/Encores complex, this restaurant is worth making time for. An old-fashioned, formal dining room with tablecloths, high seats, incredible food, and Frank’s Grammy, Emmy, and Oscar awards on display at the entrance, Sinatra was an almost-perfect dining experience.
We started with a basket full of warm Italian bread and breadsticks. The waiter brought me a dish of Earth Balance, which I was definitely starting to get used to! As usual, I ate an enormous amount of bread. It was good. Is there anything better than warm bread and EB? Hot damn.
The lighting was so dim I swear!
First Course: Estiva Salad
To start, I ordered the Estiva Salad. It was a pretty basic lettuce salad with cucumbers, avocado, tomatoes, black olives, and an oregano vinaigrette, for $17. It was just ok. The oregano vinaigrette was a little too tart for me, and the price seemed extravagant even at this very expensive restaurant.
Really, though, I think I was biased against my salad because one of my companions ordered the famous vegan Caesar salad and I realized I should have ordered the same. I should have ordered 4 of them. Oh my goodness. The ‘Insalatina dell’Imperatore’ ($14) was the best Caesar salad I’ve tasted in my entire life. No exaggeration. I loved the presentation, with the lettuce leaves just about halved, into big 4-inch pieces, stacked on top of each other, drenched in the most incredible lemon-caper Caesar this side of Rome, and topped with an enormous flat crouton. Obviously, this salad is the one to get, and not mine, despite the lure of avocado. Just wonderful.
To start, I ordered the Estiva Salad. It was a pretty basic lettuce salad with cucumbers, avocado, tomatoes, black olives, and an oregano vinaigrette, for $17. It was just ok. The oregano vinaigrette was a little too tart for me, and the price seemed extravagant even at this very expensive restaurant.
Really, though, I think I was biased against my salad because one of my companions ordered the famous vegan Caesar salad and I realized I should have ordered the same. I should have ordered 4 of them. Oh my goodness. The ‘Insalatina dell’Imperatore’ ($14) was the best Caesar salad I’ve tasted in my entire life. No exaggeration. I loved the presentation, with the lettuce leaves just about halved, into big 4-inch pieces, stacked on top of each other, drenched in the most incredible lemon-caper Caesar this side of Rome, and topped with an enormous flat crouton. Obviously, this salad is the one to get, and not mine, despite the lure of avocado. Just wonderful.
Second Course:
Gardein Marsala
Gardein Marsala
For my entrée, I ordered the Gardein Marsala with Gnocchi. There was no doubt in my mind that this was the way to go. With a good-sized Gardein Chick’n breast, cooked and breaded to perfection, covered with Marsala sauce and plenty of delicious forest mushrooms, this dish was heaven. The most heavenly part, as is expected in an Italian restaurant, was the perfect potato gnocchi accompanying the chicken. Gnocchi is good, but when it is done really, really well, it is an unparalleled treat, and this gnocchi was exceedingly well done. At $33, the dish was expensive, but it was so worth it. I definitely recommend it.
Dessert: Cioccolato
Lastly, for dessert, I ordered the Cioccolato, a bar of Valrhona chocolate mousse resembling a fancy Ding Dong (or Ho-Ho, or Twinkie, whichever one was brown), made with almond milk, topped with raspberries, and served alongside delicious chocolate sorbet. This was one of the richest desserts I can remember eating in recent memory, and it would have been hard to eat the whole thing, but I pushed. For you guys. You know on Project Runway when Heidi would say something looked so much more expensive than it was? This dessert tasted like what she meant. The chocolate was so rich, it seemed much more expensive than its $12 price.
Sinatra would have been one of my favorite dining experiences. Except…except for the smoke. Oh my god, the smoke. The restaurant’s location on the edge of the casino floor was one thing, with some smoke wafting in the front. But it was nothing compared to the outdoor patio behind the floor and adjacent to the restaurant. Every time someone went out or came in from this separate patio, clouds of smoke billowed into the dining room and negatively impacted our dining experience. It was such a shame, because every other part of the experience was near legendary. Our very kind waiter, seeing how drastically this was affecting our dinner, brought four or five free desserts to our table. (None of them were vegan; my dining companions said they were unbelievable, though.) The waiter did mention that most people complain about the smoke. I don’t know how the waiters themselves manage to work in such an environment! If they could figure out a solution to improve the air quality (which you would think they’d do, considering that people were trying to taste food here), this restaurant would be one of my favorites. If you think you can deal with this caveat, then I can recommend Sinatra to you.
Sinatra at the Wynn/Encores
Water speed: Solid
Bathrooms: Clean, fancy, very nice
Service: Great; very kind and understanding of the smoke situation
Food: Wonderful
Bonus: Grammy & Emmy & Oscar, oh my!
Anti-bonus: the smoke, of course.
I wish I had the time to try more restaurants at the Wynn! I look forward to hearing from more visitors as word spreads about how insanely vegan-friendly the casino is (and apparently the Mandalay Bay as well!).
Water speed: Solid
Bathrooms: Clean, fancy, very nice
Service: Great; very kind and understanding of the smoke situation
Food: Wonderful
Bonus: Grammy & Emmy & Oscar, oh my!
Anti-bonus: the smoke, of course.
I wish I had the time to try more restaurants at the Wynn! I look forward to hearing from more visitors as word spreads about how insanely vegan-friendly the casino is (and apparently the Mandalay Bay as well!).
Tashkent, Uzbekistan: Mosques, Museums, Construction…And Watermelon
After our terrifying border crossing experience from Kazakhstan, we arrived in Tashkent, Uzbekistan. It was blindingly sunny and dry. Like…really dry. Like Kashgar levels of dryness. I’m literally in a desert on a horse with no name or something I guess not literally but I was all a mess because my eyes are so dry! It may have been the climate (I mean it definitely was) but it also could have been due to the extensive construction projects happening all over town. Seriously was it just the season of construction works in this region? Everywhere we went we were stymied by drilling and jackhammering and dust flying errrwhere. So much dust and rubble! Despite all the dust and rubble, we had a decent time exploring Tashkent’s mosques, museums, markets, and other m words. But my strongest memory will always be of something that starts not with ‘m’ but with an upside down ‘m’, a ‘w’! (For watermelon.)
After our idiot driver from the border dropped us at the Sunshine Caravan Stay guest house, we waited a few more hours till our room was ready (I’m really soo over lodgings that make you wait until 2pm to check in, like, be ready in the morning or don’t be in this business okay) and planned our next few days of sightseeing on the wifi. The guest house had a communal dining/kitchen/breakfast area (I think it might have also been a restaurant) that we sat in while we waited for some much needed showers.
Our guesthouse’s communal dining area
The communal dining room had a water cooler, so +1 to them, but it was off a courtyard patio area that was always full of random Uzbeks smoking, so -1. The room, when we finally saw it, was pretty nice! As was the bathroom. The only real problem with this place, besides the smokiness and the random men everywhere (I’m not sure if they were workers or locals or what, they definitely weren’t fellow guests) was that the heat and the wifi both failed at night. My two favorite things, guys. And yeah, we needed the heat at night! It was getting to be fall!
the courtyard area I couldn’t enjoy because sigarettos exist
i love bed
The shared bathroom at the Caravan Stay featured the OG Uzbek Schuyler Sisters, if I had to guess?
and peggy
Aside from the Uzbek power trio (Elizaaaa), the vibe around the city was kind of hard for me to get a handle on. There was a sense of general nothingness, plus a bank here, a convenience store there, a milk cart on the corner that for some reason (I’m so tired) I thought might have vegan ice cream seriously I was losing my mind. But once we got out of the ‘center’ to see the sights, it felt more like the Uzbekistan I was ready for: full of mosques and dust aaaand space.
Pictured above is what I call Mosque Central, a square with like 8 mosques and madrassahs and more mosques and a few imams, which I thought were people but I guess can also be buildings. Like transformers can be people and cars? Anyway the pretty blue building is the Teleshayakh Mosque, which is home to the Osman Koran, or one of the versions of it. It’s hard to find believable information (#allreligion) but it seems like the Osman Cometh, a 7th century Muslim relic, was the first written Quran! There was no need for a written Quran before because first when Mohammed was around he just had it in his noggin, and anyone who had a question just like gave Mohammed a call. And then I guess he lived for a lot of hundos of years and then he had sons or baby prophets or whatever and they would be the ones you shouted out to if you had questions about the rules. But then baby prophets started to disagree with each other and you know how humans are, no one tells the truth or believes the truth so they were like, we gotta write this shit down! So they did, I guess they got a guy called Harry Osman (Donny?) to write it and thus we have the Osman Quran. Or Qurans, really, because we went to several places in Uzbekistan, heck even in Tashkent alone, that claimed to have the og OQ. I think there were several copies made by the caliphs and whose-nots in 650 a.d. since it was such an important creation. Smort. Noice.
We also saw one – I think the ‘realest’ one – at the Amir Temur Museum, a surprisingly great museum off the main garden-y square area called Amir Temur Khioboni, so pretty and green. It’s where the giant Soviet Hotel Uzbekistan stands. Pretty nice square.
this fucking hat’s back
Wait so Amir Temur – also known as Tamerlane, which you might be more familiar with (nerds) – let’s talk about him because HOO BOY, he’s big here and he’s gonna come up a lot in this country (we have like 5 more stops). Amir Temur was a Mongol warlord/conqueror guy in the 1300s who founded the Timurid empire in Persia and Central Asia and was the first ruler of said empire which like come on he better be, how much would it suck to found something and then NOT get to be the leader. According to wikipedia, “Timur’s background was Iranized and not steppe nomadic” and according to me, if you can explain to me wtf that means (comments below) then I will send you cookies. The Amir Temur museum was quiet (like everything here!) but full of fun information about Temur and Uzbekistan and stuff. The central hall was beautiful but no pictures were allowed because the Osman Quran (#201A?) was on display. So cool!
here’s that fucking hat in front of the Amir Temur museum
But I had to sneak photos of one part of the museum. I just had to break the law. Because the best part of the museum – hell, the best part of maybe all of Uzbekistan, MAYBE the best thing I’ve ever seen in a museum ever anywhere – was the section that listed important historical figures and gave a paragraph of information about their lives and then ended with a short description of how they died. I know what you’re thinking, that that doesn’t sound as amazing as I’m making it out to be. JUST YOU LOOK:
DIED OF ARROW!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
GUYS I CAN’T!!!! Do you see how Mirzo died? I almost got kicked out, I fell to the floor from laughing so hard. We were CRYING. So inappropriate. I’m so sorry to all the ghosts who were watching.
The museum was definitely a high point, restoring my ability to go to museums. Also it had a toilet, which was actually hard to find out and about in the city. I think it was one of the hardest places for me because there weren’t cafes or more museums I could pee in, it was all mosques that didn’t have bathrooms and madrassahs that I wasn’t allowed in. Darn. Luckily on one stretch of busy road from the Mosque Central Square back down to the regular center of the city, we chanced upon a sort of mall. It was DESERTED, but open and it had a bathroom. But like…it was deserted. We were the only people in there and every storefront was shuttered. Soooo weird.
The deserted mall-like building had weird freaky statues in small fountains, like the above. I was so sure we were in a movie. By far, the best part of it was the below sign I saw that made NO SENSE but of course put “All I Do Is Win” in my head for a good solid week.
“LIKE STRIPPERS’ BOOTIES GO”
(Possibly the best caption ever.)
Chorsu Bazaar
PUNKIN CHUNKIN
Our top experience in Tashkent, besides finding pretzels (they were a little stale but hey I found pretzels!), was our morning at the Chorsu Bazaar, the big central farmers market where all the locals and then some come to buy and sell their goods. I love all the local markets we visit when we travel, especially on this trip, but this bazaar experience was the most memorable yet. See, I really wanted watermelon. The beyond incredible watermelons of western China and Kyrgyzstan spoiled me for some serious quality watermelon and I was jonesing for it but good. I thought we’d definitely find some at the bazaar! As usual, we found an impressive array of spices that we couldn’t buy but wanted to, lots and lots of bread that we ate of course because fresh market bread is the best, and lots of gorgeous vegetables I wanted to bring to restaurants and say ‘cook these for me please!’ And of course there was a tonne of fruit, but no one was selling watermelon to eat immediately, like slices of it, like they sold in China markets, handing you a piece and watching you finish so they could collect the rind. We walked round and round the white buildings with the green domed roof and finally decided that our best bet was to just ask a regular watermelon seller if they could cut it up for us. Fun problem: the seller had no idea what we were asking. I kept making chopping motions with my hand, over and over like I was a nutcracker. The guy was just so confused. Finally his wife made a face like something clicked and she said the word for ‘now’, so we were like ‘da da yes for now! we want to eat it now can you make it so we can?” We didn’t know the word for cut, p.s. So the lady took a watermelon, one we had pointed to because it was the smallest one we could see, and took in onto a stump to cut. Note, the ‘smallest’ watermelon we could see was still the biggest one I’ve ever bought. It was a good 12 pounds, I’d say. So I’m all excited to finally eat some good fresh watermelon and the lady comes back with a bag…full of two giant halves. They looked so proud for doing what we ‘asked’ that we just couldn’t tell them that nooo, cutting it in half doesn’t reeeeally help that much, we wanted it cut into slices! So we smiled and thanked them and walked to a little grassy patch outside where we sat…with our two giant halves of watermelon, six pounds each. This would have been a good time to have one of our pocket knives on us, but of course the one time in our entire trip that we’d need them, they were back in the room. I tried diving headfirst into the cut side and trying to eat some like a wild f-ing animal. That didn’t work and my shirt got messy. So instead we both garnered all of our rage and anger in the world (#trump) and kind of just TORE THE WATERMELON APART with our bare hands, ripping the rind while screaming in order to make it work it doesn’t work if you don’t scream. We were A MESS. There was watermelon juice EVERYWHERE, all over the ground near us, the pavement, ourselves, Everyone was watching us, these two pasty white westerners trying to destroy and devour an entire uncut watermelon with pure brute strength. It was RIDICULOUS. We were clawing into the fruit like we were lions doing whatever it is lions do. Just a mess. We actually managed to finish an entire half. We felt simultaneously proud, strong, sticky, and kind of nauseous. There was no way we could finish another entire half, and this was morning, so we were stuck carrying the sticky other half in the sticky disgusting bag for the entire rest of the day.
Luckily that wasn’t the only food I could eat in Tashkent. It was a decent city with a few options on HappyCow. We of course went to a Georgian restaurant, always a favorite and always great for vegans, although this place didn’t have the best service. My next HappyCow choice was the restaurant Jumanji, because the movie terrifies me and I had this theory that if I had a decent meal at the restaurant of the same name, I would conquer the movie’s terror. Or something.
Just in case you had gotten to Tashkent without noticing the vibrant copyright infringement trade in all of Asia, they made it very clear here that they were talking bout the Robin Williams’ movie by using the exact font from the film. (See the very end of this post for my favorite Tashkent copyright infringement.) Things are so weird. Luckily, the food was good and guess what, they had tofu. I missed tofu so much after always being able to get it in China! And vegetables ! And juice with vegetables in it!
TOFUUUUUS
BIG OLE PLATE OF BROCCOLI
BIG OLE PLATE OF CUCUMBER
It might look pretty basic but it was a great big satisfying meal. I even enjoyed the huge cucumber plate (that crap all over it was RG). Jumanji kind of represented what Tashkent was like in general – kind of boring but pretty satisfying, and while I’m not itching to go there again, I had a decent experience. I felt that Tashkent was such a mixed bag. It had areas that were really built up and somewhat modern, and then parts that were bare and dust and so old-fashioned it was like stepping back in time. Little did I know that it would be the most modern part of Uzbekistan, and our next stop would teach me what stepping back in time really looked like.
These looked like flowers we had at our wedding! I don’t know what they’re called but they were all over the country
yup this is a Hogwarts themed children’s center or daycare prob. I mean. ILLEGAL.
