Vegan Guide to Michelin Restaurants: Asador Extebarri in Axpe, Spain

Dip the apples in the honey (I mean agave!), say a bracha loud and clear! 
L’Shana Tova U’metukah! Have a happy sweet New Year! 
   Whee! Another faux-year has gone by, chosen ones! Rosh Hashanah is such a good holiday. It’s like regular New Year’s, but better: 
1) You don’t have to make resolutions – in fact, you have 10 days to be as terrible as you want because on Yom Kippur you atone for that shit! (K that’s not how it really works but still.) 
2) You celebrate by eating apples and honey-substitute and not by drinking your face apart. 
3) You don’t have to worry about what huge (awful) party with lots and lots of (awful) people you’ll be invited to on New Year’s Eve, because you have big family dinners! Full of tons of food, wine, and yentas! So fun! 
For all of you gentiles, that’s all there is to know about Rosh Hashanah. Great right? You know you wanna convert.
     Last night, for the first night of Rosh Hashanah, my parents hosted the dinner for my grandparents and good family friends. Of course, I made 90% of the food. Every gathering is a chance to win people over with great vegan food, people!

                 The Menu

• Potato leek soup (recipe follows)
• Salad with mixed veggies
• Cauliflower-carrot mashed potatoes (recipe follows)
• Mango BBQ Beans (from Appetite For Reduction)
• Stewed okra and tempeh (recipe follows)
• Peas & pas’ (description follows)
• Broiled shaved Brussels sprouts 
• (Chicken for putzes)

                     Dessert

• Chocolate Yogurt Bundt Cake (from the PPK blog)
• Vanilla peanut butter cake balls (‘recipe’ follows)
• Lots of fruit

          Stewed Okra & Tempeh
     This one is like a gumbo? I guess? but I have no authority to say so. It’s just really yummy and really easy. I loved it, as did all of the guests.

• 1 big onion, diced small
  
• olive oil
  
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
  
• 1 bunch of celery (head of?), chopped
  
• 1t thyme, 1/4t red pepper flakes, 1/2t cayenne pepper
• 2 bay leaves
  
• 1 lb. okra, chopped 
  
• 1 can (16 oz., though 24 could work) diced tomatoes (I used fire-roasted)
  
• 1C+ water
  
• 1 package tempeh
  
• 2T soy sauce

Directions: 

1. Saute the onion, oil, and celery over medium heat for a few minutes.
2. Add the garlic, and saute until things start to brown a little. 
3. Add the spices, and more oil or water if things stick, and cook for a minute more
4. Add the can of tomatoes, then fill the can about halfway with water, and pour that in the pot.
5. Now, add the okra to the pot, along with the bay leaves. Add more water if necessary. 
6. Bring to a boil, then lower the heat and let it all simmer, covered, for at least an hour. Keep checking to make sure things don’t stick/burn. I let it simmer all afternoon, on low heat, because why not.
7. In the meantime, make your tempeh. Crumble it in a small saucepan, and just barely cover it with water and the soy sauce. Bring to a boil, then cover (with room for steam), lower the heat to a low simmer, and let cook for 15-20 minutes, until it’s dry. You can saute it a little longer if you want the tempeh to brown. 
8. Add the tempeh to the big stew pot, and continue cooking everything until there’s no water. Then enjoy!

      As for the last two dishes – peas & pas’ and Brussels sprouts – I’ll just describe what to do. I can’t give a recipe for the former, because it’s a family dish, and I can’t for the latter because it’s too easy. So, lemme ‘splain. No, there is too much. Lemme sum up. Peas & pas’ = peas and pasta, said with an Italian-American accent. It’s the most garlicky food you’ll ever encounter. My mom makes this the best, because she’s the more Italian one of us. You Cuisinart-chop 2 big onions and like 15 cloves of garlic, literally. Then you cook it over the stove in a big pot with a metric shittonne of EB and olive oil. This is why my mom’s is better than mine, because I can’t bring myself to add the amounts of this stuff that she can. But that’s what makes it awesome. So you add like 1/4C EB and a 1/4C olive oil, and probably more, saute the minced onion and garlic mixture, add salt and pepper, and then mix in your shell pasta. Then you bake it in a casserole dish with a bag or two of frozen peas. It’s amazing. 
      For the best Brussels sprouts of your entire life, start by shaving the sprouts, like pounds of them. Or, to make it easier, buy them already shaved (Trader Joe’s sells bags of shaved ones). Take 2-3 bags, or pounds, of shaved ones, coat them with olive oil and salt and pepper (use your hands, get in there), and put them on a big baking sheet covered with parchment paper, in the oven at 375° for 20 minutes, or until the edges are browning and crispifying. So amazing. 

     Lastly, the desserts! I recommend that you make Isa’s Chocolate Yogurt Bundt Cake for any occasion, because it’s the best chocolate cake recipe I’ve come across. I had a slight aversion to bundt cakes for a while there (probably because it sounds like butt cake), so I’m really glad I tried this cake a few years back. It changed everything! No more butt cake phobia. 
     Also, I highly recommend making cake balls whenever you have leftover cake! Some of you might have seen the post where I made Rachel’s English Trifle, from ‘Friends’. I sensed some concern that I had to throw out so much good cake, custard, and icing due to the beef cube contamination. No way, guys! I would NEVER waste food! I tossed a very thin layer of whatever components touched the meat, and then I saved all that shit, yo! Duh! That cake was good otherwise! 

     So, back to cake balls. You take whatever leftover cake and icing you have, you mix it in a mixing bowl, you squish it into balls, and you coat the balls in melted chocolate! It’s the bomb! 
     I had at least one entire vanilla cake layer leftover from the Trifle of Doom, and the vanilla frosting. I got the frosting, added about 1/4C peanut butter, mixed like a mofo (HAHA MOFO) to work on my guns, man, and then squished in the cake. Do you want it laid out more easily?

1. Mixing bowl of cake and frosting
2. Melt chocolate
3. Squish cake & frosting into balls, cover with chocolate, have a stroke of genius and top with sea salt and raw sugar, place on a baking sheet covered with parchment or waxed paper, refrigerate for an hour or so, until needed.

     SO F-ING AMAZING. 
I love how much our guests were freaking out over them. They aren’t anything; they’re cake balls! So easy! But whatever, make them all the time and get lots of compliments. Many New Year! 

    As a vegan, I don’t feel much incentive to follow the fancy world of gourmet-level dining, what with their Zagat ratings and Michelin stars and whatever other rankings people in that spectrum of dining covet. In fact, there was a time when all I knew about Michelin stars came from the movie “Ratatouille”. (Great film.) I’m sure it’s interesting to some people, but it sounded odd to rank something as subjective as good food. Moreover, aside from the ratatouille, the honored restaurants and their prize dishes are pretty much the opposite of vegan-friendly. Why would I ever want to go to a restaurant that was lauded for its foie gras, or thought it was commendable to do weird things to all kinds of animals? Nope.
However, my boyfriend is into all of that, and while he goes to those places with friends, I felt a little bad that he couldn’t enjoy these places with me. I’m fun company. But then we were planning a trip to Chicago, and he wanted to go to Alinea. He wanted to go there BAD. So bad, in fact, that he scoured the internet trying to find something that said they could accommodate a vegan. Luckily, he didn’t have to search too long, thanks to the lovely Lagusta, who in 2009 blogged about the vegan menu at Alinea. That’s right – anyone can request a vegan menu at a freaking top world restaurant with freaking THREE MICHELIN STARS. I was in! (I mean, I wasn’t paying. Of course I was in.)

        Our seating area was really dark, so the pictures aren’t great, but there is a pretty amazing video at the end showing the epic final dessert. I’ll do my best to remember what we had, but mostly it’s just all a blur of happiness to the point of near-comatose mind-blowingness.

     How cool is this! These little bites were incredible. See that white pillar in the upper left corner? It was like sweet delicious chalk. I don’t know what they freeze-dried to make it, but it blew my mind. So many little fried vegetables, purees and gels of wonderment. I’m obsessed. Also, this entire plate is vegan! Molecular gastronomy is so vegan friendly, because it’s so weird, I guess.
And then it just continued in its amazingness. The next two dishes were like ravioli, already on a spoon. Just one piece (raviolo, then), but it’s all you need. These bites, especially the one on the right, exploded with the most perfectly matched flavors I’ve ever encountered.

    The final savory dish (well, at least that I took a picture of! There was so much more! But I didn’t have a blog yet, so you can’t be mad) was this wooden slab of mushrooms, grain crumbs? orange? and foam that evoked a lovely meal in a remote log cabin, probably with Ron Swanson if he ever cooked more than meat. I can’t describe how excited I was for a decent amount of foam, because pretty much all I knew about molecular gastronomy going in was the use of foams.

    How good does that look! It tasted even better, obviously, with the mushrooms, foams, spiced crumbles, and that crispy green leaf blending together so well it was like it was sponsored by Vitamix. Such a great finish.

     I loved this dessert. I loved that you could drink the liquid inside, which was light and refreshing and not too sweet. On the dish, there was a sesame-laden blob, a fruity red blob, and this blob of rice pudding, made with rice milk, that was superb. In fact, my boyfriend, who got the regular omnivore menu, got a rice pudding that he said was yogurt-y and tart, and not as good as mine. He even suggested to the staff that the vegan version replace the regular one, because it was that much better!

     The final dessert was just epic. A team of waitstaff removed everything from our table, rearranged the table, chairs, and us, and covered the table with a silicon mat. Then came the head chef, alerting us, “You’ll probably want to take a video of this.” Thanks to him, here is the video for your envy-filled pleasure. You can kind of hear him explaining what the purees are, what the liquid nitrogen-spewing ball is holding, and what the chocolate crumbles are made of. It’s mostly like insane astronaut style ice cream but much better.

     Dinner at Alinea was without a doubt the most…the most. Like Jack Donaghy in college, it’s getting voted just ‘most.’ If you ever have the opportunity to eat here, do it. It’s mad expensive, and it’s hard to say it’s worth it when it costs more than, like, rent, but if you can swing it, it’s absolutely worth it. I’m not even going to do my usual little roundup of water/service/food/bathroom because obviously this was beyond known ranges. Amazing!