The Best Wedding Ever, slash How to Plan a Vegan Wedding in Less Than Two Months

As vegans, we know how important the concept of voting with your dollar is. Spending money is a political act: what and who you decide to give that money to matters, because it gives the recipient power. The power to operate, the power to continue doing what they’re doing. Often, this is a happy decision. We support small ethical brands so that they can keep existing and providing products that don’t harm the earth. We support decent people so they know we’re behind them. And the flip side is equally important: We know not to give our hard-earned money to the big evil corporations who test on animals and contribute to serious global and environmental health problems. And, of course, we vote by buying vegan food and products, making the statement that we don’t support animal cruelty. Although being cognizant of what brands, products, and entities to support is a constant undertaking, it’s not really too difficult. My general rule of thumb is ‘don’t support assholes’. However, I see other people supporting assholes all the time (like allll the time), and I wanted to share my reasoning for not supporting a few things today.

The first one is a popular fashion brand, one of the most popular actually. It breaks my heart to see a constant stream of happy shoppers spending tons of money there at all times. And true I haven’t written about fashion in literally years but this seems like a good way to get back into that. The second is a restaurant chain that I actually loved, but when I learned about its behind-the-scenes drama, I had to stop. The third is a big bummer, because it’s an exciting new Broadway production that I won’t be buying a ticket to next season. I’m not telling anyone not to support these brands or events; I’m simply sharing why I don’t so you can make your own informed decisions. I know I have a lot of work to do myself regarding what companies, restaurants, &c I continue to support, so I wanted to share this in case others can learn from it.

ZARA

When I was studying abroad in 2005, I discovered Zara. I adored most of their pieces – it was like the affordability and availability of H&M and Gap but tailor-made for my style. I was obsessed. But then the following year, we saw that they were selling bags with swastikas on them. Seems like a really basic thing to know not to do, but there it was. The bags were pulled as soon as a customer complained about the offensive symbol, but considering how many steps there are from design to production to stocking and delivery in shops, it seems incredible that no one along the way noticed this aspect of the design until customers did. Indeed, the company’s apology stated that there were no swastikas in the approved design, and that they were just as surprised as we were when the Indian company who supplied the bags added this element. It would be a believable story if it were a one-off.

But then in 2014, they sold the infamous children’s shirt that resembled the striped uniforms that Holocaust victims were forced to wear: blue and white stripes with a yellow Jude star. This one wasn’t excused away by a supplier issue but by a difference in intention: In their apology, the company said that the star was intended to be a sheriff’s badge. And while it did indeed say ‘SHERIFF’ on the yellow badge, the combination with the blue and white stripes is at the very least ill-considered. Also, it reminds me of another controversial star image that was excused as being a sheriff’s badge as an attempt to excuse its blatant anti-Semitism.

Amid these problems with obviously anti-Semitic products, the fast fashion giant was investigated for horrific sweatshop conditions at a Sao Paolo factory. Then, there was the, let’s say underdeveloped “White is the New Black” tee shirt which was received rather poorly by people who are against racism, as you might expect. Since then, they’ve been sued by a former Jewish and gay employee for anti-Semitic and anti-gay treatment. And I’m sure you remember that Melania Trump’s famous “I Really Don’t Care Do U” jacket, which was received as pointedly referring to the tragedies at the border concentration camps but really could be about literally anything the White House is doing, was from Zara as well, to literally no one’s surprise.

The parent company, Inditex, also owns brands Pull&Bear, Massimo Dutti, Bershka, Stradivarius, Oysho, and Uterque. Considering all of these issues they’ve faced over the years plus the allegations against those in positions of power in this company, I do not support these brands.

BY CHLOE

Some of you vegans or vegan-friendly eaters are probably aghast at seeing this popular NYC-based chain here. “What!” you might be saying. “I love Chloe! She’s the best!” Yeah, Chloe is the best, and that’s why I don’t support ‘by CHLOE’ anymore. After working her ass off for years and years to develop her own hugely successful brand, Chloe worked her ass off to build ‘by CHLOE’, a hugely successful vegan restaurant that now has more than half a dozen locations. But Chloe herself was forced out a few years ago, and the issues surrounding her ouster are complicated, to say the least. 

There were rumors that her business partners – Samantha Wasser, enormous hospitality group ESquared, and Wasser’s father Jimmy Haber, who is the CEO of ESquared – wanted to start serving meat under the ‘by CHLOE’ name. They’ve denied that claim, but that part is the least of it. It seems at the very least understood that there were many differences of opinion in how the business should move forward, and considering that it would all come across as being under Chloe’s own name, she understandably had strong thoughts about these next steps. However, an arbitrator ruled against Chloe. I’d normally show respect for that decision, but given the David vs. Goliath set-up of this dispute, it’s clear there’s more to it. And there is: in a lawsuit Chloe filed last year, she states that the group ousted her after she rejected Haber’s sexual advances. I don’t know about you but I believe women, and there is nothing easier to believe than an all-powerful white male CEO taking advantage of a beautiful young woman he has power over, and then acting out when he doesn’t get what he wants.

To top that off, nothing riles me up more than people abusing intellectual property law. (Okay obviously apart from abusing women, children, animals, &c.) This year, ESquared sued Chloe over her new pop-up restaurant Supernatural, which she runs with celebrity chef Supernatural and which I visited last month in NYC. ESquared sued her for trademark infringement, stating that this pop-up – with a completely unrelated name – would be too confusing to fans of ‘by CHLOE’ and they would think it was related, simply because it’s Chloe doing something else. By their logic, or lack thereof, brand confusion would arise whenever anyone did more than one thing. This dick move seems too much like a petty attempt to stop Chloe from working in food in NYC at all and I will not stand by while jerks try to use my beloved trademark law to defend something so weak and so clearly not a violation.

ESquared Hospitality also owns several non-vegan restaurants which you can find listed here. 

WEST SIDE STORY ON BROADWAY

I know, with this one you’re like ‘what in the world’, but there’s a reason. Next season on Broadway, mega-producer and well-known bully Scott Rudin is mounting a new production of West Side Story with director Ivo Van Hove (whose past directorial works in London have always smelled of misogyny). The cast of this much-anticipated revival was just announced this week, and in the prime role of Bernardo is New York City Ballet dancer Amar Ramasar, which decent people who love theatre are justifiably angry about.

If you don’t follow NYC culture news, Amar’s name has been discussed a lot in the past year for his involvement in a disgusting, disturbing case of sexual harassment and all-around despicable behavior at the ballet. He and friends of his (all men who should be in jail with him for their actions: Chase Finlay, Zachary Catazaro, and Jared Longhitano) from the ballet (all either dancers or donors) shared private (sexual) pictures and videos of female ballerinas in group texts and joked about all the crimes they would commit to them and other ‘sluts’. One of the victims – a young ballerina whose reputation and thus career was harmed – brought a lawsuit, and Finlay resigned from the ballet while Ramasar and Catazaro were suspended and then fired. Allegations in the lawsuit state that this sort of behavior was condoned from the top, as the NYCB and the School of American Ballet were well aware of the extensiveness of this type of behavior and did nothing to stop it, at one time asking the men to simply keep such actions in NYC, where it’s ‘easier to control.’ Obviously, the NYCB is on my shit list as well.

However, Ramasar and Catazaro were just reinstated at the ballet: the American Guild of Musical Artists (AGMA) appealed their case to an independent arbitrator. So fuck the AGMA too. The arbitrator, whose identity I can’t find but I have a feeling it was someone with a penis, said their termination was inappropriate and suspension should have been enough. You know what else is inappropriate? Rape culture. While Catazaro declined to return at present because he is dancing with Bayerisches Staatsballett in Munich (another ballet company I won’t be seeing anytime soon/ever, hi Munich), Ramasar is back and now with two unbelievably coveted jobs in New York, two jobs that are both the kind that most people only dream about obtaining: a prime position at the NYCB and a starring role in a huge Broadway musical. COOL GUYS. Also Bernardo shouldn’t be 37 YEARS OLD.

You know what, fuck this revival anyway for not using Jerome Robbins’s classic choreography.

Okay those are my thoughts on this topic for this week. Considering my proclivity for complaint, this’ll probably be a regular series. What similar things have you just learned about that you want to share with the class?

Last month was another phenomenal Veganuary, with hundos of thousos of people pledging to avoid animal products for all of January. Now that it’s over and the groundhog did something and time can go back to having no meaning, we can review who among our most special friends – TV characters – took the challenge and why, and who will try to continue the vegan pledge into whatever clock land we’re in now.

Speaking of clock lands, we’ll start with the greatest show of all time, obviously, because if you know me at all you knew that’s what I was gonna start with.

THE GOOD PLACE

I like to think my man Chidi “I knew you weren’t a soup!” Anagonye knew enough/worried enough about doing the right thing to be vegan already. (Evidence: he drank almond milk – was it because he knew cow’s milk was a no-no??) He said he was a vegetarian and at a restaurant with Uzo he was conflicted between the risotto and the pumpkin soup, two common and lackluster vegan options at non-vegan restaurants. (Not knocking either dish; that’s just not what we go to restaurants for.) But if not (he was shown in flashbacks to eat cheese; hopefully they were flashwaybacks (although then he ate fish in the afterlife)), he would probably be excited to join in the Veganuary challenge. He’d probably greet it with a trademark excited “OooOOoooh!” that he debuted during his chillaxed (that’s a combination of ‘chidi’ and ‘relax’ I just made up) period in season 4. He’d definitely be that excited about vegan food and not just scavenger hunts that tell you the meaning of life!

However, Cheedster would undoubtedly and unfortunately treat his vegan stint as though it was a Lenten fast, with no allowance for enjoyment or indulgence. He’d do it like Michael McKean’s grown-up Doug Forcett, with all lentils and radishes because they have the lowest carbon footprint and no chicken-fried seitan or vegan cupcakes, the poor bastard. And so it wouldn’t stick, because who would be able to maintain such a virtuous, boring diet? So Chidi would make it to January 31, because he would beat himself up to stay with it, and then he would try to do the best he can afterwards (until he dies). That almond milk though!

STAR TREK: LOWER DECKS

I am really enjoying this animated Trek comedy so far! Most of the characters are likable (not the captain; literally the most incompetent captain in Starfleet history) with great voice performances (shout out to my fave pillboi Eugene Cordero). It’s hilarious to have a Star Trek that’s a comedy, a cartoon, and full of cursing and ridiculousness. It’s also fun to pretend it’s a weird space spin-off of the most infuriating shitshow I’ve ever been forced to watch, ‘Below Deck’, because I keep referring to it as Star Trek: Below Deck even though the characters aren’t evil simpletons who can’t make a reasonable argument if their tip depended on it. But I guess an advanced starship (Janeway voice (I do it so good): ‘we’re a starrrrrship’) is kind of like a luxury yacht, right?

My choice for Veganuary participant is Beckett Mariner, not because she cares about animals but because someone mentioned it in passing and said it would probably be hard, and she took it as a dare and was like ‘YOU WANNA SEE HARD, HARD’S GONNA BE HOW MUCH MY SUCCESS ON FEBRUARY 1st HITS YOU IN THE GODDAMN FACE WHEN YOU SEE HOW AMAZING I DID.’ Mariner makes me sooo anxious and uneasy with all her chaotic energy and NOT FOLLOWING THE RULES but I can’t deny that she’s an awesome badass. And considering the replicators can make all kinds of amazing things, it’s probably super easy on the ship, so I am gonna take the very unsteady position and say she’d stick with it. Also, she’s always right (okay she may have misplaced the target on the back of the person inhabited by a parasite in episode 4 but she still knew a parasite was around!) so I refuse to believe that she wouldn’t be right about the right way to eat. (Okay but query whether all replicated food is vegan by default because no animals are used or harmed by space machines…? Perhaps the closest analogy would be lab-grown meat…which I still wouldn’t consider vegan…okay Ima need someone to do their masters thesis on this subject.)

PARKS & RECREATION

The obvious choice would be Chris Traeger, literally a famous health freak. It seems like a no-brainer to assume that he would jump in with literally both feet and WIN Veganuary. But it truly would be a no-brainer, as in something you’d think if you had no brain (change approved!). If I asked Chris Traeger to go vegan for a month, Chris would hundo p give me the biggest smile and say “my diet is perfect! I’ve honed it over years to provide the perfect amount of nutrients to keep my body in tip-top shape! To change it would be a crime against humanity.” And then he would turn on his heel and go run 10 miles to perish the thought of changing his routine.

And so the real Veganuarier of the P&R department would be…Leslie Knope. Of course it’s Leslie. It’s something popular that she will do to try to connect to the public and improve her image. But like everything she tries for those reasons, it will backfire. Of course HER public will use it as a weapon against her to call her an elitist that isn’t of the people. Ugh, if only she was a politician in Eagleton – they are all definitely doing Veganuary (well, by default, since a month-long post-NYE green juice cleanse is technically vegan). Leslie would barely eke out the final weeks before her polling numbers required her to be photographed at Paunch burger eating a Greasy Lard Bomb (their best-seller!) and drinking a child-sized soda (it’s roughly the size of a two-year-old child if he were liquefied).

THE MANDALORIAN

lolol definitely not my little spider-eating larvae-eating friends-baby-eating lizard-eating everything-he-can-get-his-lil-baby-hands-on cutest little adorable baby yodibear, that’s for sure!

GILMORE GIRLS

I’m pretty sure Gilmore Girls is full of vegan jokes (or maybe it was just Sookie complaining about cooking for vegetarians – my dude, if you can’t cook for vegetarians, you aren’t a talented chef) because much as I love her work, ASP is kind of a b word. I can’t see any of the original cast ever seriously entertaining veganism, at least not in the early 2000s. But doing so now is a different story, and I can see modern Paris realizing it’s the right way forward. Maybe I can even see college Paris doing it, college Paris who cared about Burmese political prisoners. If she truly was preoccupied with the plight of the less fortunate – which she really may have been since she was no longer doing stuff just to get into Harvard – then she would care about social justice. And once you care about social justice you can’t ignore the role veganism plays in it! When she realizes that true veganism is intersectional and important in the fight against all the -isms, Paris would be firing on ALL cylinders trying to spread the vegan message like she’s been doing it for years, as all new vegans do. I can see her chasing Rory down the halls of Yale screaming HOW COULD YOU KNOW ABOUT THE EFFECTS OF ANIMAL AGRICULTURE ON THE CLIMATE AND NOT EVEN ATTEMPT TO GO VEGAN RORY, IT’S LIKE YOU WANT ME TO YELL AT YOU ALL THE TIME.

Side note, Paris – who hates the sick, who makes everything an argument and wins it – should have been a lawyer, not a doctor. Makes no sense.

BRIDGERTON

Ah Bridgerton, Netflix’s biggest show, everyone’s favorite obsession, is such a pleasant, enjoyable show for something that is objectively not great. I know lots of you just gasped in anger and are like ‘excuse me it IS great’ but remove the hot duke and focus on the strings of plot that were dangled into relevance and then snipped before they could be made to make sense and tell me that to my face. Excuse me WHY was the modiste acting like it was her (you know what I’m talking about)? WHY was the artist man introduced to Brother #2 if nothing was going to happen there (string! snipped!)? WHY did ANYTHING in the Papa Featherington storyline happen?! I mean seriously WOOF on that last one. How did they get Julie Andrews to do this, my loooord. Anyway, not that anyone in this era would stop eating meat or anything, but if veganism was a thing and they could eat vegetables without dying, I bet on Eloise, and not only because she’s the only likable character. Okay yeah maybe because she is the only likable character. What can I say, she’d be fun to hang out with at a vegan cafe. Also, she thinks for herself and has strong opinions about what’s right and what’s wrong. A perfect baby vegan!

WEST WING

I’m watching the West Wing for the first time (I know you can’t believe it) and I am so obsessed already. But listen, although I LOVE love all the characters, I also kind of hate them all at times. That Sorkin, he just loves him some shoehorning in of political ‘points’ that he thinks are like wow deep but they are so easily refuted that it gets kind of annoying. But overall love love. Okay so anyway, thanks to the aforementioned Sorkinizing of great characters, over the 3-4 seasons I’ve seen so far, they’ve all lost their ability to claim a strong social-justice head on any pair of shoulders. So no one is getting chosen for that. But as far as being ‘with it’ in terms of hot social trends (that’s us!) and popular culture, no one beats my girl Donnatella Moss. Husbo finds Donna annoying but I forking adore her. So I put my money on her doing Veganuary. She would get zero support from the rest of the staff. Okay maybe a little from Charlie because he’s the absolute best but he would make some really good subtle snarky comments amid his overall support. Josh would endlessly mock her. (Josh is kind of awful to her so far and it le breaks le heart.) Leo would completely not care. President Barlet, who loves the Butterball hotline more than he loves his kids, would not see the point. Toby would monotone grump at her about it. Sam would be whatever but like his Parks & Rec counterpart would already think he’s too good to need to make any changes. (I firmly believe Mike Schur saw the season 1 West Wing scene where Sam says “I’m nuts for dental hygiene” and thus was born Chris Traeger. He is the early version of that man for sure.)

Unrelated: Stockard Channing’s singsongy delivery is the greatest gift. She sounds like the 1940s optometrist in that joke. It’s fantastic.

LUPIN

OOH LA LA Lupin est un si beau spectacle oui oui oui! J’aime tellement Omar Sy et son enfant est amusant (omg cette fin cependant) et la supercherie est magnifique! Oui oui oui! Je peux voir beaucoup de personnages essayer le véganisme puisque le Paris moderne est plutôt bon pour ça (il faut juste une bonne baguette pour vivre de toute façon!). Mon premier choix pour Veganuary est la journaliste, Fabienne Beriot, non seulement parce qu’elle avait le chien le plus incroyable (J’accuse! Amoureuse des animaux!) Mais parce qu’elle était le GRAND genre de journaliste – la GUERRIÈRE DE LA JUSTICE SOCIALE qui découvre la vérité! Oui oui oui oui! Elle ferait ‘totes’, oui oui oui. Ugh, Fabienne.

Okay mes petits babies, what are your choices?