The Best Wedding Ever, slash How to Plan a Vegan Wedding in Less Than Two Months

This is #4 in the Vote with your Dollar series, in which I ruin things you probably love, and I’m sorry, but like the world is a mess and we should try to do better. Every other Friday I’ll be here ruining stuff for you!

Hey folks, we have some real jerkfaces to talk about today! I feel compelled to note in response to some talk talk in my ear holes that OF COURSE these aren’t the most important issues to be talking about. These are things I suggest taking in consideration for people who ALREADY know not to support Nazis/animal cruelty/destruction of earth/racists/rapists/&c and want to know a little more about where their money goes. I don’t wanna hear any of that “why don’t you talk about something more important like the Amazon” nonsense. (Answer: BECAUSE WE ALREADY KNOW NOT TO EAT BEEF.) (Although the Amazon is on fire and that’s probably the most pressing concern right now so definitely donate to Rainforest Alliance, Rainforest Trust, Amazon Watch, and/or Rainforest Action Network if you have spare cash. And stop eating beef.)

HOTELS

Sheldon Adelson is a corrupt billionaire (redundant) who represents the extremely dangerous extreme far-right movement. He gave $82 million to Cheeto Mussolini and Republicans in 2016, more than three times the next largest individual donor. His $5 million donation to Trump’s inaugural committee is the largest single donation to any such inauguration in history. His support for Trump’s regime seems dependant on how the toilet president has intertwined the republican party with the terrible policies of Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu. And Adelson’s money isn’t just sent in an envelope to Trump and left at that. The New York Times reported that he was part of a ‘shadow National Security Council’ that pushed for Trump to destroy the Iran deal and to move the Israeli embassy to Jerusalem, two supremely stupid moves that endanger many people, Jews included (as do most of Trump’s decisions and policies, as they contribute to the rise in anti-Semitism, a point rich assholes tend not to give a shit about) (there was a play called Bad Jews and I never saw it but I think it was about Adelson (and the Kushners) (and any other Jew that supports Trump I mean I just DO NOT GET IT how do you care about preventing Israel from being shared by people who already live there more than you care about Nazis running your own country??).

In addition to all the terrible things Sheldon does – like funding Rabbi Shmuley’s work, buying or publishing Israeli daily newspapers as well as the Las Vegas Review-Journal and exerting editorial control over content that dares criticize the corruption at his casinos (latter) or Bibi (former), and funding a group that opposes anti-Israel discussion on college campuses – he also owns the Venetian Casino in Las Vegas, so not staying there is one regular person way of not putting your money in his most-likely-gross-and-dirty-and-sticky-maybe-from-an-unwrapped-cough-drop pocket. Sheldon, a sort of Alex-Mack goo pile that reformed into a solid improperly, founded the parent company Las Vegas Sands Corporation and is the chairman and CEO. The company also owns The Palazzo on the Vegas Strip. I’m pretty sure there isn’t one casino in Vegas that isn’t owned by a corrupt asshole billionaire, but we’re focusing on this asshole today. I mean Vegas casinos suck anyway; stay off the strip maybe? I don’t know I hate Vegas. But I do love Singapore, so it makes me sad to report my recent discovery that Sheldon the Bellend also owns the most famous sight there – the Marina Bay Sands, the famous triple tower hotel with the viewing platform across all three. You know it as the location of the party at the end of Crazy Rich Asians. It’s super famous. (They also own a lot of hotels and casinos in Macau but who is staying there, ugh boring.)

Suffice it to say, this jackwagon sucks, so if you want a fake Italian gondola ride, just rent a canoe and find a creek and a striped boatneck shirt.

COSMETICS

Most of the companies implicated herein aren’t vegan anyway but I super extra urge those of you who do use their products to read on. Recently, the organization behind the #grabyourwallet boycotts have added Estee Lauder to the list, along with its subsidiary companies. And it’s for dern good reason: Ron Lauder, board member and heir to the g-d entire shibang, contributed to Trump’s Victory Committee. What a jackass. Unfortunately, the reach of Estee Lauder is broad. I cannot sufficiently prepare you for the list to come. The parent company owns (gird your loins):

Aveda

Clinique

Origins

Bobbi Brown

Jo Malone

MAC

Smashbox

Aerin (but who really uses that)

Darphin

La Mer (fuck that noise anyway)

Prescriptives

Too Faced

Bumble & Bumble

I mean we shouldn’t be surprised since, as we regularly establish here, all billionaires are immoral, but also Estee Lauder was the company that worked with Trump in the early aughts on launching his signature fragrance so they’ve always been in cahoots. I bet it was the fragrance of the 57th Street subway station in the summer mixed with piss-stained hospital bed sheets.

I know that is some list, though, like astonishingly big and bad. Luckily, there are some cruelty-free cosmetics brands that are even better, that don’t test on animals and don’t support monsters. LUSH cosmetics are easy to find – just follow your nose; you can smell the shop from a block away – and have many vegan products. BareFaced Beauty, Sugarpill Cosmetics, and Revolution Makeup are also dependably cruelty-free brands and I’m pretty sure they don’t support Trump. Makeup experts are better sources than I am, of course, so check out sites like logicalharmony.net for more info (although of course their most recent post is about Too Faced ack!).

TELEVISION

Okay WHAT THE FORK, ABC?! I have never watched “Dancing with the Stars” but I am LIVID about their casting Sean Spicer on the new season of that bullshirt. Trump’s former press secretary is not a star, he is not funny, and he is not trendy or cool. He is literally a man responsible for defending untold atrocities and lying to the American public and the world about what this administration was doing. He should be going to jail with all the rest of the monsters, but instead he’s being paraded out as goofball entertainment? NO.

Some people have rolled their eyes at the outrage over ‘just a stupid TV show’. And that kind of reaction completely misses the horrifying point that this outrage is really about: Putting Spicer on this show is normalizing what he did and as a result what the administration has done. Normalizing their continued destruction of our laws, systems, and our humanity makes a mockery of morality. It’s treating evil as entertainment. That’s nothing to dismiss just because it’s being done through a stupid TV show. In fact, that makes it all the more horrifying and important to stand against. We’ve let too much happen already; letting them excuse and use this man as entertainment is a surefire step in remaining a fascist state. Spicer and the lot of them should be entertaining judges at The Hague with how stupid they are and how obvious guilty they are, not entertaining the very country they’ve destroyed with their g-d dancing.

That’s it for this fortnight of What I Hate Now, the alternate title for this series. Chime in with your thoughts and/or what’s bugging you this week.

It’s another Friday in the world which means I’m prettayyy prettayyy pissed off about something! Here are some things I hate.

Previous editions:

1. One
2. Two
3. Buckle my
4. Shoe

KICKSTARTER

Thanks to my pal Rachel from the greatest internet group OF ALL TIME, the PPK, for bringing this issue to my attention. So, you know how during the Industrial Revolution, workers – from babies to oldies – were worked to the bone, often killed due to dangerous practices, never given days off, fired if they were hurt or sick, and generally always suffering because there were no laws and so factories were run the Wild West? Well, naturally, the advent of modern labor law began during the Indy Rev as workers sought better conditions, the right to form and join labor unions, and a general agreement to not be docked pay if they had to sweep the cotton bits from under the enormous death machine while it was still on (although that was mostly for kids) (this is a true thing I learned about in Manchester’s science and industry museum! is horrifying!). These laws are vital, as you know unless you are literally a corporate overlord longing for the good old days but then seriously what are you doing on this page, as is the freedom to form and join unions in order to achieve stronger bargaining power and legal rights.

Unions are necessary in a capitalist society, but Kickstarter is like mmm I don’t know, those late 19^th-early 20^th century times were really fun for a lot of people. Due to the company’s preoccupation with I don’t know, manufacturing for war time and ladies beginning to show their ankles, Kickstarter has gotten into some union busting. The company is in an ongoing unionization effort, and two employees involved in the effort were recently fired. They think it’s because of the union activity, while Kickstarter says it’s for performance issues. And yeah, maybe it was, but that doesn’t explain why Kickstarter still doesn’t recognize its employee union, or why, when asked, the company stated it would not voluntarily recognize the union. I mean, wtf guys! Did Sally Field make those placards and win an Oscar for nothing? FOR NOTHING, PEOPLE? How dare you ignore her!

I know that past editions of the What’s Pissing Me Off Today post have been like “don’t shop at this place! They’re mean! Don’t give them money! I hate them!” but I can’t really do that for this one. What am I gonna say, don’t support interesting indie projects or small businesses who may need the site for fundraising? I mean, suggest one of the many other sites to them, but Kickstarter does have the most name recognition. I’m extra mad because the people who use Kickstarter shouldn’t suffer (probably). So maybe if you are looking to raise funds, just don’t choose them. And also, in general, don’t support union busters!

LAURA INGRAHAM’S ADVERTISERS

I hate that I’m talking about such a garbage person on my happy site but her brother made me. So Laura Ingraham is a Nazi monster, as we all know, such a Nazi monster (or…Nazster?) that her own brother has disowned her in a series of truly incredible tweets. What a Thanksgiving it’ll be this year! He can come to mine! The companies that continue to advertise with her are of course also Nazsters who do not, I repeat really do not, understand the first amendment, and who have been profiled in the past when e.g. she went after young activist David Hogg. She’s even shittier now than she was before, so here are her advertisers as of July.

South Beach Diet: LOL I remember when this was big when I was in high school and we made one of their cookie recipes, it was literally just egg whites and peanut butter and stevia mixed and then baked. PASS.

Fungi-Nail: Of course her viewers need this.

Rohto: Yeah I need eye drops too but I’ll get them from someone else chief.

SeroVital: These are like weird vitamins and HGH? Um.

NFL Network: We already know they are misogynist and racist monsters jfc they are THE WORST.

Waterpik: These fuckers too lazy to floss.

Stamps.com: Every podcast is now cancelled.

Coravin: None of her viewers have ever had to save a bottle of opened wine, gimme a break.

Takl: This is the worst brand name I’ve ever heard and people literally can’t even say mine.

Roman Pharmacy: This is my FAVORITE one on the list. You could not ask for something more perfect for Fox viewers. It is 104% perfect. So this is a health app, for men, that gets them medical service through the app so they don’t have to leave their homes/basement dungeons and actually go see a doctor. Oh the toxic masculinity in so much of this. And don’t with the ‘well some people are too ill to leave the house.’ The main service, and what their media coverage is mostly about, is for erectile dysfunction meds. It is perfect.

Energizer: fuck that bunny.

Bausch & Lomb: They test on animals anyway.

Sandals Hotel/Resort: YA BASIC.

Sheex: Is this when you eat at a Sheetz and then sheetz yourself?

Safelite Auto Glass Co: Checks out. I bet they are all terrible drivers.

Nutrisystem: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”

USAA: The extra A is for Asshole

MyPillow: This is another favorite of mine. Their twitter is overrun with supporters congratulating them for sticking with their fight for freedom and pledging to buy their pillows in THE NAME OF FREEDOM. People are so FORKING STUPID.

Lifelock: That’s what her viewers are suffering from.

StarKist: tuno.

WeatherTech: These people care about their cars almost as much as their guns.

HomeToGo.com: For people who want to travel but like not really.

ClearChoice Dental: I mean at least some of them go to a dentist.

Tecovas: They make leather cowboy boots. It’s all like a stereotype.

Prevagen: This supplement claims to help memory loss. God her viewers are old. Just take algae-based omega 3.

Carfax: sell dem cars.

Elite Singles Dating Service: BUT YOU HATE THE ELITE!

The Zebra: Terrible name for car insurance! (Great name for a striped horse.)

Eli Lilly & Novo Nordisk: They do love Big Pharma.

What a bunch of idiots we share this planet with!

Maybe next time we can do a list of companies I love! Optimism! (Except there’s No Ethical Consumption Under Capitalism…so really I’d just be recommending that you watch The Good Place (BSE)). What’s on your list this week?