The Best Wedding Ever, slash How to Plan a Vegan Wedding in Less Than Two Months

This is #3 in the Vote With Your Dollar series in which I ruin things you probably love, and I’m sorry, but like, the world is a mess and we should try to do better. Every other Friday I’ll be here ruining stuff for you!

Today we are discussing GOTTAMMED Trump supporters. GOTTAMM THEM ALL.

Equinox, SoulCycle, & more

In NYC one summer, I thought it would be like suh cul to join Equinox, the fanciest, coolest, most exclusive (and expensive) gym out there. My branch was all I hoped it would be – there was a smoothie bar, and there were celebrities (I don’t ask for much). I even ran into Raul Esparza one day! But today, I’m ready to give Raul Esparza up. Not that I go to Equinox anymore, but you know what I’m saying. It’s not worth it. And I know people are obbbsesssssed with SoulCycle (all those memes about people who do CrossFit never being able to stop talking about it should really be about SoulCycle) (side note why is every trendy exercise brand two capitalized words merged together it’s pissing me off). But anyway, spinning junkies, it’s time to give Peloton, whatever the fork their business model is, even more business because FORK Equinox and FORK SoulCycle.

This week, news came out that the founder and chairman of Related Cos., an enormous (and infuriatingly generic named) real estate company, is a Trump supporter. And not just like your uncle is a Trump supporter; I mean the influential kind that billionaires are, the ones who are guaranteeing the safety of his job and endangering the rest of us. Stephen Ross, the man in question, plans to host a fundraiser for Cheeto Mussolini’s reelection in New York TODAY. How much funds does he plan on raising? The tickets are $100,000 a head, for lunch and a photo (and they go up from there). THAT’S A LOT OF CHEETOS, MUSSOLINI!

So why does this matter for those of us who love fancy gyms and/or spin classes despite the crotch pain that you never get used to? Related Cos. owns Equinox and SoulCycle, and so there is a huge twitter boycott spreading in the wake of this news. Equinox tried to save face with a statement that actually made everything worse (who is in charge over there?! Oh right, Trumpers), saying that Ross is merely a “passive investor” and that neither Equinox nor SoulCycle are involved with the fundraiser. But Ross is literally the founder of this entire huge company, and the chairman. He IS the company. The money may be fungible, but it’s still the money that makes him super immorally rich and it’s still these companies that make him so powerful. Even if it doesn’t actually do anything to cancel memberships, it sends a message, and that’s the least we can do.

Well, there’s a tiny bit more we can do, and it’s going to hurt. Equinox and SoulCycle are the face of this controversy, but Related Cos. also owns or has made huge investments in a bunch of other notable brands that I know some of you adore. Gird your loins, because here’s a small sampling:

PURE Yoga (I know)

&Pizza (ughh)

Blink Fitness (well no one actually cares about that one)

Milk Bar (I’m sorry!)

The entire Momofuku empire (I SAID I’M SORRY)

Hudson Yards (oof)

Also, Ross is co-hosting the event with his current wife (I mean she lives in the house and it’s at their house (well at one of them; I’m sure they have 50 and still don’t give a quarter to homeless people)). His current wife is jewelry designer Kara Ross, whose (hideous, actually, so no real skin off our backs) jewelry is sold online at various websites including therealreal.com and lyst.co.uk, and in stores at Bergdorf Goodmans. So, boycott them all.

Now, it’s true, and forking bleak, that if we had to boycott every immoral corporation, we’d never actually be able to buy or do anything ever again. But even so, I think it’s worth doing what you can to send a message. And these little protests can add up: #GrabYourWallet, the campaign that gathers Trump-supporting companies to boycott, has added Related Cos. brands to their list, and this is the movement that got Nordstrom and Macy’s to stop selling Ivanka’s (trash) clothing line as a direct result of the boycotts they led. So I believe it’s worth it to keep voting with our dollars even if our dollars don’t seem to make a huge difference. Like Eleanor said in season 3 episode 5 (my favorite episode, guys) “why not try? It’s better than not trying, right?”

This is #4 in the Vote with your Dollar series, in which I ruin things you probably love, and I’m sorry, but like the world is a mess and we should try to do better. Every other Friday I’ll be here ruining stuff for you!

Hey folks, we have some real jerkfaces to talk about today! I feel compelled to note in response to some talk talk in my ear holes that OF COURSE these aren’t the most important issues to be talking about. These are things I suggest taking in consideration for people who ALREADY know not to support Nazis/animal cruelty/destruction of earth/racists/rapists/&c and want to know a little more about where their money goes. I don’t wanna hear any of that “why don’t you talk about something more important like the Amazon” nonsense. (Answer: BECAUSE WE ALREADY KNOW NOT TO EAT BEEF.) (Although the Amazon is on fire and that’s probably the most pressing concern right now so definitely donate to Rainforest Alliance, Rainforest Trust, Amazon Watch, and/or Rainforest Action Network if you have spare cash. And stop eating beef.)

HOTELS

Sheldon Adelson is a corrupt billionaire (redundant) who represents the extremely dangerous extreme far-right movement. He gave $82 million to Cheeto Mussolini and Republicans in 2016, more than three times the next largest individual donor. His $5 million donation to Trump’s inaugural committee is the largest single donation to any such inauguration in history. His support for Trump’s regime seems dependant on how the toilet president has intertwined the republican party with the terrible policies of Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu. And Adelson’s money isn’t just sent in an envelope to Trump and left at that. The New York Times reported that he was part of a ‘shadow National Security Council’ that pushed for Trump to destroy the Iran deal and to move the Israeli embassy to Jerusalem, two supremely stupid moves that endanger many people, Jews included (as do most of Trump’s decisions and policies, as they contribute to the rise in anti-Semitism, a point rich assholes tend not to give a shit about) (there was a play called Bad Jews and I never saw it but I think it was about Adelson (and the Kushners) (and any other Jew that supports Trump I mean I just DO NOT GET IT how do you care about preventing Israel from being shared by people who already live there more than you care about Nazis running your own country??).

In addition to all the terrible things Sheldon does – like funding Rabbi Shmuley’s work, buying or publishing Israeli daily newspapers as well as the Las Vegas Review-Journal and exerting editorial control over content that dares criticize the corruption at his casinos (latter) or Bibi (former), and funding a group that opposes anti-Israel discussion on college campuses – he also owns the Venetian Casino in Las Vegas, so not staying there is one regular person way of not putting your money in his most-likely-gross-and-dirty-and-sticky-maybe-from-an-unwrapped-cough-drop pocket. Sheldon, a sort of Alex-Mack goo pile that reformed into a solid improperly, founded the parent company Las Vegas Sands Corporation and is the chairman and CEO. The company also owns The Palazzo on the Vegas Strip. I’m pretty sure there isn’t one casino in Vegas that isn’t owned by a corrupt asshole billionaire, but we’re focusing on this asshole today. I mean Vegas casinos suck anyway; stay off the strip maybe? I don’t know I hate Vegas. But I do love Singapore, so it makes me sad to report my recent discovery that Sheldon the Bellend also owns the most famous sight there – the Marina Bay Sands, the famous triple tower hotel with the viewing platform across all three. You know it as the location of the party at the end of Crazy Rich Asians. It’s super famous. (They also own a lot of hotels and casinos in Macau but who is staying there, ugh boring.)

Suffice it to say, this jackwagon sucks, so if you want a fake Italian gondola ride, just rent a canoe and find a creek and a striped boatneck shirt.

COSMETICS

Most of the companies implicated herein aren’t vegan anyway but I super extra urge those of you who do use their products to read on. Recently, the organization behind the #grabyourwallet boycotts have added Estee Lauder to the list, along with its subsidiary companies. And it’s for dern good reason: Ron Lauder, board member and heir to the g-d entire shibang, contributed to Trump’s Victory Committee. What a jackass. Unfortunately, the reach of Estee Lauder is broad. I cannot sufficiently prepare you for the list to come. The parent company owns (gird your loins):

Aveda

Clinique

Origins

Bobbi Brown

Jo Malone

MAC

Smashbox

Aerin (but who really uses that)

Darphin

La Mer (fuck that noise anyway)

Prescriptives

Too Faced

Bumble & Bumble

I mean we shouldn’t be surprised since, as we regularly establish here, all billionaires are immoral, but also Estee Lauder was the company that worked with Trump in the early aughts on launching his signature fragrance so they’ve always been in cahoots. I bet it was the fragrance of the 57th Street subway station in the summer mixed with piss-stained hospital bed sheets.

I know that is some list, though, like astonishingly big and bad. Luckily, there are some cruelty-free cosmetics brands that are even better, that don’t test on animals and don’t support monsters. LUSH cosmetics are easy to find – just follow your nose; you can smell the shop from a block away – and have many vegan products. BareFaced Beauty, Sugarpill Cosmetics, and Revolution Makeup are also dependably cruelty-free brands and I’m pretty sure they don’t support Trump. Makeup experts are better sources than I am, of course, so check out sites like logicalharmony.net for more info (although of course their most recent post is about Too Faced ack!).

TELEVISION

Okay WHAT THE FORK, ABC?! I have never watched “Dancing with the Stars” but I am LIVID about their casting Sean Spicer on the new season of that bullshirt. Trump’s former press secretary is not a star, he is not funny, and he is not trendy or cool. He is literally a man responsible for defending untold atrocities and lying to the American public and the world about what this administration was doing. He should be going to jail with all the rest of the monsters, but instead he’s being paraded out as goofball entertainment? NO.

Some people have rolled their eyes at the outrage over ‘just a stupid TV show’. And that kind of reaction completely misses the horrifying point that this outrage is really about: Putting Spicer on this show is normalizing what he did and as a result what the administration has done. Normalizing their continued destruction of our laws, systems, and our humanity makes a mockery of morality. It’s treating evil as entertainment. That’s nothing to dismiss just because it’s being done through a stupid TV show. In fact, that makes it all the more horrifying and important to stand against. We’ve let too much happen already; letting them excuse and use this man as entertainment is a surefire step in remaining a fascist state. Spicer and the lot of them should be entertaining judges at The Hague with how stupid they are and how obvious guilty they are, not entertaining the very country they’ve destroyed with their g-d dancing.

That’s it for this fortnight of What I Hate Now, the alternate title for this series. Chime in with your thoughts and/or what’s bugging you this week.