Six the Musical: Divorced! Beheaded! Live! And Here to Save British Musical Theatreby Randi / April 4, 2019Just kidding there are no jazz hands in here, unless you just imagine me doing them but then how would I be typing? The Olivier Awards, the most bonkers awards show in the world (yes even crazier than the Golden Globes, if you can believe it) are this Sunday, April 7, and even though I have rage bubbling inside me, RAGE, about all aspects of the Oliviers (not least of all the fact that this is the one award show I can watch on TV in the UK?? no Tonys, no Oscars, but this? (and they don’t even let the TV audience see the whole thing OR see it live! They make a supercut and air it after the fact BRITS GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER STAY IN THE EU AND DO AWARD SHOWS BETTER)) (also the Mastercard sponsorship visibility is excessive and obnoxious), they are still an award show honoring musical theatre, I mean, you’re doing my two favorite things guys I’m still EXCITED even though I’m ANGRY, okay? It’s like Amy Adams’ anger in “Enchanted” when she is excited about being angry. “Oh! I’m angry! ha ha! I’m angry!” You know? You don’t know!
Why am I such a nonfan of the Olivier Awards? Why am I experiencing some serious agita and going through my stash of Rennie all week (nb: that’s British for Tums)? How on earth could anyone in their right mind say they are crazier than the Golden Globes? Because they are, Mitch. One peeve with the Oliviers is that they loves, LOVES, them some group nominations when they aren’t really appropriate. Group nominations are okay when it’s children rotating in the same part: the four Matildas, the three Billies Elliot. They are not the right move when voters simply can’t or SHANT choose between cast members that are all doing a good job. Guys, I don’t know if you know this, but they’re all supposed to do a good job, that’s literally their job. And your one job, you insane voters, is to CHOOSE. MAKE A G-D CHOICE! Oh it’s too hard for your pale British sensibilities? IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE HARD! THAT MEANS PEOPLE ARE DOING GOOD WORK IN YOUR THEATRES! In recent years, Olivier voters have literally nominated ENTIRE CASTS into ONE slot instead of choosing among them. They’ve done so this year with the three lead actors in The Lehman Trilogy – all playing different roles, this is not a child-rotating sitch – and with all six of Henry VIII’s wives in the musical Six, all put into one supporting actress slot. Not only is that not fair to the other competitors (who wants to compete against an entire cast?), it’s the same as giving a participation trophy. They’d all deserve a nomination in their own right, of course. These are all incredible performers and I’d have trouble deciding who to nominate among them. But that’s the point of an awards show, to choose the best of the best. lol like that’s what voters ever do.
My other biggest gripe with the Oliviers is my same problem with most award shows: they’re hella wrong all the time and I can’t punch them in the face about it. Oh also the aforementioned refusal to air the telecast live on BBC, choosing instead to show a ‘highlights’ reel hours later. First of all, how dare you.
The indisputable biggest problem of this particular year, hoo boy, is that we’re just going to pretend that Hadestown, the best musical of the year, the best musical on Broadway this season likely to win the Tony, and one of the best musicals in years period, wasn’t eligible for the Oliviers, because if we recognize that it was eligible and the voters just completely overlooked it, I might explode. Honestly get some new voters; they are obviously incompetent. Okay so we are all in agreement that Hadestown wasn’t eligible because that’s the only way we can get through this, right, because otherwise they would have swept every category? Right, good. Let’s do this infuriating nonsense!
This one isn’t even a question; it’s The Inheritance by a mile. Or by more than 7 hours of amazingness, as this play is an epic in every sense of the word but not least because it’s a two-parter of almost four hours each part. And I loved all of it! The exquisite Part 1 on its own would still be the best new play of this year and probably most years, but together with Part 2, The Inheritance is one of the most important, impressive, emotionally taxing shows ever. I can’t wait for it to go to Broadway and get even more acclaim. The only other new play I’d love to be in this category is the great Home, I’m Darling, which, because it’s funny, is nominated in the separate Best New Comedy category, which is another reason why I hate the Oliviers. I mean I’m glad it has a better chance to win in that one but still, comedies are plays too, guys. So classist.
THIS SOME BULLSHIT, HEAR ME? Poor Kyle Soller, gave the best performance by a longshot but will lose to either Ian McKellen (because it’s Ian McKellen and doing King Lear at that, a pairing that’s like the theatre version of Ricky Gervais telling Kate Winslet on ‘Extras’ how in order to win an Oscar she should do a Holocaust role (which she did because she did)), or to the triumvirate that shouldn’t be of Adam Godley, Ben Miles, and Simon Russell Beale all nominated in one slot. All five men are doing excellent work (and should be the five nominees total ok you get it) but Kyle’s performance was the most human, touching, and with over 7 hours of material, difficult. Shouldn’t that give him the edge? I wish.
Oh and one more reason to hate the Oliviers this year a bit extra: Kyle is the only actor from The Inheritance nominated, out of a cast of all incredible performances. I’m not going to write separately about supporting actor in a play because I’m too furious, but how Andrew Burnap wasn’t nominated for his Toby Darling when I would have bet the world on his win is beyond me, let alone no Walter? No JBenj Hickey? What a mess.
I haven’t seen Summer and Smoke yet, which is a shame because I’ve heard that Patsy Ferran is the one to beat. I did see all the other nominees, though! Gillian Anderson should not be nominated for the pile of rotting garbage that was All About Eve. The other three though are all worthy competitors. Eileen Atkins was heartbreaking and vibrant in The Height of the Storm, Sophie Okonedo was crayballs and fire emoji power in Antony and Cleopatra, and Katherine Parkinson would have my vote for her wonderful starring role in Home, I’m Darling. Love her! Excited to see what happens here.
This one’s hard for me, a fight between my head and my heart. Caroline, or Change was not my cup of tea; in fact, I was quite disappointed in the story and score, though I can admit this production is doing a good job of presenting those subpar elements. I know, we all know, that the much-beloved, much-raved about, much-exalted gender-swapped and groundbreaking revival of Company is going to win and possibly sweep. But The King And I is better. The Broadway transfer lost a little of its magic as it crossed the pond, but it’s still a solid production of a great show. The Company revival, on the other hand, revealed all the weaknesses of that show. I get that it will (and should win) because it’s an important revisioning of an old property, but honestly I just did not enjoy it. And I saw it twice, convinced it was my fault. It wasn’t. It’s a very impressive show visually, but there’s no heart in that story, no matter what gender Bobby is. The more I think about what message it was trying to convey this time around, the more I want to throw up my hands and sigh petulantly.
But because Company is such an otherwise well received and yes important show this year, with yes groundbreaking changes, Marianne Elliot will probably also win for direction. Oh this is ANOTHER reason I hate the Oliviers – they combine all directors, of plays and musicals, into one category. What a way to show how little you value their work! Ashley’s direction was the one part I liked of Come From Away, and I understand why he won the Tony, and I would be okay with him winning here (if that was the only thing CFA won, of course. The only one it deserves). Although I would be voting for Daldry’s impeccable work on The Inheritance, I admit that Elliot’s win would be deserved. Her vision of a new Company is notable, even if I don’t like the finished product.
How forking STACKED is this category! I’d be okay with any one of these actresses winning. Well that’s not true; I’d be okay with Kelli (since she won’t win a Tony this year) or Adrienne (working harder than anyone ever has worked up on that stage) winning, yet I realize that it’s more likely for Rosalie or Sharon to win. I was so ready to be awed by the latter two, and while they were good, the flaws of their respective shows did them no justice in my eyes. I’m pretty sure it’s Rosalie’s award, but I’d be happier for my queen Kelli or the incredible Adrienne to win.
Whereas Best Actress in a musical is the tightest race, Best Actor in a Musical is the weakest. None of these stand out to me. I love Ken Watanabe’s King but I’d be shocked if he won. And out of all the many nominations Fun Home deserved, I’m beyond shocked that the one acting nod it received was for the weakest performance in the show. (Zubin was good, but it was the weakest. I’m shocked that Middle Allison wasn’t nominated.) This race will surprise me, I’m sure, but I think it’ll go to Suddenly Seymour.
Faaaack, I take back what I said about the strongest race being Best Actress in a musical. It’s definitely Best Supporting Actress. All of these are pretty worthy performances, even though one of them should have five fewer people in there. Oof. Okay, let’s start at the top. Patti LuPone is going to win, because everyone loves Patti. I love Patti too, but I think her Joanne is her least inspired performance to date. It felt like pandering for cheap laughs to her devoted audience that would cheer for her even if she slapped their grandmothers. Ruthie, my god I love Ruthie and would love this win for her, but she didn’t actually perform on the show’s official opening night (she had an alternate), so some bozos are salty that she even got nominated, which stinks, because she is so lovely in this role. Rachel Tucker gets to perform the one great song in Come From Away and she does incredible things with it, but she’s one of a superbly hard-working ensemble that all play numerous characters, and they don’t really get the chance to make an impression as any of the characters, too busy running around and changing hats. And then we have six actresses from Six sharing the last nomination, which by now you know how ridiculous I find that. Yes, they were all great in a spectacular show, but it’s not that hard to pick the best of them. Why can’t voters vote for their favorite and see what happens? I could have helped them narrow the field to the very best: it’s Katherine Howard, played by Aimee Atkinson. She has the best song and forking kills it beyond belief. She is spectacular and deserved to get an nomination in her own right.
This is the only category that’s a lock: It’s Jonathan Bailey in Company, the first man to play Jamie and sing about how he’s Not Getting Married Today. He was the main reason I was almost happy to see the show again, with a performance that’s the definition of award-worthy. He’s hilarious, riveting, magnetic, and did I say hilarious? I hope he performs on the telecast. The best part of the show.
All the other critics and audiences are loving Come From Away, and even though I don’t think it’s actually great, the show as a whole is moving and that tricks people into thinking all its parts are of great quality. I get that, but there’s no excuse for thinking the music is the best of this bunch. That honor belongs to Fun Home, who should win for its elegant, sophisticated, deeply felt score about a real family and all the intimate thoughts and memories that come with that. If Fun Home can’t win, the honor should go to Six, for some of the catchiest, most riotously fun and clever music to come out of British musical theatre. I’ll be pissed if Come From Away wins for its mediocre score. The other two nominees are plays!! No surer sign of a dip in musical theatre quality than when plays are nominated for score. (I mean unless they are absolutely incredible play scores but I don’t even remember the music from The Inheritance.)
All the momentum and good will (however misplaced I feel it is) belongs to Come From Away, no matter how wrong I hope I am. Maybe Fun Home would have had a better chance if it didn’t end all the way back in September, but regardless of when it played, it deserved to win. I’m sad that it won’t. I’d be happy with Six winning, even though it is not a fully-fledged book musical and more of a fun rock concert. Everyone enjoys Tina but, like most jukebox musicals, it has a weak book. I will be surprised if CFA doesn’t win, but I will be happy.
What kinds of crap do you think will go down on Sunday? Will the voters ever live down their shame for ignoring Hadestown? Will someone with no ties to NYC talk about 9/11? Will Patti LuPone talk so long that they try to play her off and she tells them to can it? My guesses are no, yes, and hell yes.
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Beckett’s Endgame at the Old Vic Successfully Captures the Yearning for the Sweet Release of Death
It’s Theatre Thursday! Today’s show is Endgame by Samuel Beckett, playing a double bill with his short piece Rough for Theatre II, now at the Old Vic if you like torture.
To sort something straight off the bat: this is NOT about the last Avengers movie (which, amazingly enough, I still have not seen. I really do not care anymore about those superheroes. It’s too much). Endgame is a famous play by Samuel Beckett, the playwright of ‘theatre of the absurd’, famed for his dreary, bleak look at the human existence. He did not seem happy. People say his work is ‘tragi-comic’ but I did not get the comic part. He famously said that nothing is funnier than unhappiness…which after seeing this production, I promise you is false: I was very unhappy, and very much not amused. I have never been so close to being sure that a piece of theatre was pranking me as I was during this evening at the Old Vic, nearly shouting “oh THIS is the bad place” despite the beloved talent onstage (Daniel Radcliffe and Alan Cumming). I’ve also never seen so many people walk out of a show, unable to wait till an interval or the end, and I’ve seen some shit.
Let’s start with Rough for Theatre II, since it’s a little nothing of a show. This production serves a double bill with Beckett’s little one-act that’s about two like, afterlife accountants but not in the brilliant Good Place way, who show up when someone is about to commit suicide and they go through his life and see whether he should or not? At least I think that’s what it’s about. It was odd and vague and incredibly short. Daniel Radcliffe gets to do a lot of box jumps which is fun for him but not for me when watching because I was like I wanna do box jumps instead of watch this. I honestly have to give Beckett props for naming it what it is.
Endgame, the main course, is one of the most unreasonable pieces of theatre I’ve ever seen. Remember how Alex Borstein did that episode of Friends where she had a one-woman show about why men don’t like her and talked about getting her first period, and Chandler made everyone go see it as punishment? I didn’t know Sammy Beckett but I feel like he really hated theatergoers. He’s the playwright equivalent of Lewis Black’s joke about how airplane seats in economy were created by a guy with scoliosis who is really f-ing pissed. This piece is about an invalid (Alan) and his servant (Daniel) and Alan is mean to Daniel and Daniel has a limp but Alan can’t walk or stand at all and they just are like, waiting for death? It’s considered a sort of sequel to Waiting for Godot and I guess they just replaced Godot with Death. Alan’s parents live in trashcans at the foot of the stage and sometimes they pop up and say nonsense things that are weird and not funny and he replies in ways that are absurd because I guess this is Theatre of the Absurd but just because it has an official title doesn’t make it worthwhile.
Daniel is fine, but there’s only so much you can do performance-wise with the material you are given, especially when most of your requirements are carrying a ladder to and fro and climbing up and shimmying down, over and over and over in an act that serves no purpose except to delight people who find delight in incongruous slapstick, a cheap laugh ploy that, of course, works because people love cheap laughs that don’t have anything to do with anything. Alan Cumming is fine, though overly hammy much of the time. But I don’t know what we can ask of them when they are forced to do this absolute nonsense show. Why, why is this considered a great piece of theatre? The only thing I can think of is, it’s about people waiting for the sweet release of death and when you watch it, it’s such torture that the audience feels the yearning for death along with the characters. Is that it, that the show so successfully makes the audience feel what the characters feel so that they too anticipate sweet release from the torment of this show? Is that what he was going for, because if so, man, well done Sammy, what a gottamn masterpiece of pain you’ve created. It’s a f-ing triumph. If he didn’t want us to feel that death was preferable to watching this show for much longer, then I, along with everyone who left, missed something.
INFORMATION
Rough for Theatre II was just under a half hour, which means your interval bathroom break comes when you don’t need it, adding to the whole torture vibe of the evening. Endgame is then an hour and half, which is the exact amount of time it’s safe to watch this show for before one loses one’s mind.
The Old Vic renovation is fine – there’s still not enough room in the lobby (what a mess) but the bathrooms in the basement (where you go if you sit in the stalls, so get an aisle towards the back if you need) are better and bigger. Also, they are not defined by gender, just by whether they contain stalls or urinals, which is how every bathroom should be since it’s great for everyone (except men who need to go #2) (hey that’s what Beckett is with this show!).
STAGE DOOR
Like all Danny Rad shows, people were SPRINTING to the stage door in droves, so I skipped out on adding ‘trampled by horrible crowds’ to the night’s list of agonies. (Also what was I gonna say to them, yeesh.)
Bye Bye Lil Sebastian: The Perfect “Parks & Rec” Finale
Parks & Recreation, the best comedy series ever, ended this past week, and I’ve only just stopped crying long enough to gather my thoughts. We had seven wonderful (well, six wonderful; the first was decent as it found its footing (remember when Tom was serious and sullen?)) seasons of hilarity and love as we watched the greatest comedy ensemble of all time gel and grow together. Every single player was indispensable and at times the funniest member of the team. Parks gave us an endless supply of amazing quotes, stories, and ideas, as well as a cast of characters both larger than life and so much a part of our lives.
The finale somehow wrapped everything up nicely while still being incredibly funny and giving us extremely exciting glimpses into the characters’ futures, one by one. It achieved this by flashing forward from their present day (2017) to little scenes taking place 6 years later, 15 years later, and nearly 30 years later, making last season’s 3-year jump forward look like child’s play.
We start in the Parks Department office, with everyone gathered in 2017 to say goodbye before Leslie, Ben, Andy, and April move to D.C. Leslie is recapping the gang’s greatest hits, yet she’s still reviewing Parks projects from 2005, hence the crew’s unbridled boredom. Two things before we go to our first flashforward, Donna’s. One: The guy who comes in about the broken swing said it’s been broken for three months. Also, he was in a suit, and looked hella creepy, like he was the understudy for the main killer guy in “The Heat”. Why didn’t anyone ask him why he waited 3 months? Did anyone else think (until the end, when it was obvious she didn’t) that Leslie hired him to give the gang a final project? Of course, even if she didn’t, someone else could have. Two: The muffins in the P&R office are ENORMOUS. Pawnee 4 eva.
Donna
First, Of COURSE Donna wouldn’t get kicked out of En Vogue. She kicked THOSE bitches out. And of course she would have been in the top ten on Italy’s Got Talent. But serving on a Nascar pit crew? I don’t see her getting dirty.
Next, how awesome did Retta make Donna over the years? She went from a cheeky background worker to one of the biggest arbiters of taste on TV and in real life. I’m so glad that she ended up with Joe, who is pretty much the best guy ever except for Ben. Keegan Michael Key should have been on the show more. He’s adorable and I’m such a fan.
Seeing Donna happily married, kicking ass in real estate and making tons of money that she used to treat both her self and her husband’s self, felt so real and so right. Underneath all the shallow interests of material things and pop culture, it’s so true that Donna is the kind of generous and awesome person who would start an educational foundation to combat awful budget cuts in public schools. ‘Teach Yo’ Self’ is so freaking wonderful and I love that we got to see Donna and Joe do something so incredible together. Also, I’m kind of ambivalent about Seattle, but if they actually built a giant haystack around the Space Needle, to try and hide it? COOLEST PROJECT EVER.
Notes:
We start in the Parks Department office, with everyone gathered in 2017 to say goodbye before Leslie, Ben, Andy, and April move to D.C. Leslie is recapping the gang’s greatest hits, yet she’s still reviewing Parks projects from 2005, hence the crew’s unbridled boredom. Two things before we go to our first flashforward, Donna’s. One: The guy who comes in about the broken swing said it’s been broken for three months. Also, he was in a suit, and looked hella creepy, like he was the understudy for the main killer guy in “The Heat”. Why didn’t anyone ask him why he waited 3 months? Did anyone else think (until the end, when it was obvious she didn’t) that Leslie hired him to give the gang a final project? Of course, even if she didn’t, someone else could have. Two: The muffins in the P&R office are ENORMOUS. Pawnee 4 eva.
Donna
First, Of COURSE Donna wouldn’t get kicked out of En Vogue. She kicked THOSE bitches out. And of course she would have been in the top ten on Italy’s Got Talent. But serving on a Nascar pit crew? I don’t see her getting dirty.
Next, how awesome did Retta make Donna over the years? She went from a cheeky background worker to one of the biggest arbiters of taste on TV and in real life. I’m so glad that she ended up with Joe, who is pretty much the best guy ever except for Ben. Keegan Michael Key should have been on the show more. He’s adorable and I’m such a fan.
Seeing Donna happily married, kicking ass in real estate and making tons of money that she used to treat both her self and her husband’s self, felt so real and so right. Underneath all the shallow interests of material things and pop culture, it’s so true that Donna is the kind of generous and awesome person who would start an educational foundation to combat awful budget cuts in public schools. ‘Teach Yo’ Self’ is so freaking wonderful and I love that we got to see Donna and Joe do something so incredible together. Also, I’m kind of ambivalent about Seattle, but if they actually built a giant haystack around the Space Needle, to try and hide it? COOLEST PROJECT EVER.
Notes:
- Who do you think runs Middle Korea?
- April is pregnant in this very first flash forward.
- “The school cut the math club – and – math.” Prescient.
Craig
Craig singing in Tom’s Bistro two years later is so perfect. I love that he and Typhoon end up together only because Craig reluctantly said, ‘Okay fine ugh.’ Ahhahaha. And Horatio Sanz married them! Ron as Typhoon’s best man was ridiculous but it still made me cry. I’m so glad that after Ron’s barber died he was able to forge this unlikely yet perfect friendship with Typhoon based on their shared hatred of Europeans.
Craig was underused in this past season, not given opportunity to be nearly as hilarious as his first few episodes on the show, when he gave us such gems as “That was so spot on, I need to go lie down for 45 minutes. NO, AN HOUR. A GOOD HOUR”, and of course his rant on behalf on Donna about different kinds of lawn: “Yes, I have a disease, it’s called caring too much??? And it’s INCURABLE!!” At least we are getting more Billy Eichner in real life, where he is exactly the same as Craig but louder.
Did you catch that the champagne Typhoon and Craig were served on that ridiculously sick airplane when they were way way old was Jean-Ralphio label? Looks like he got out of TaJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIkistan alright!
The Sapersteins
Speaking of, his faked death and insurance scam plot with his sister Mona Lisa (who’s the worrrrrrrrst) was absolutely PERFECT.
They are such awful people and it’s totally believable if not downright obvious that they would do such dumb things after we leave them.
Poor Jean-Ralphio loved Leslie the whole time, as we knew. I almost feel bad for him but not because he’s a terrible person. Whom I love. His final scene with Leslie may have been his best ever. “Will you do me one final solid…of pretending to be my wife for an insurance scam BUT THEN WE FALL IN LOVE FOR REAL?!” Hahaha I died. His face at that last part was too sweet, and then of course he ruined it by continuing: “Also can I have a pair of your gym socks it’s not for anything weird it’s just a fetish I have.” Cutting immediately to his grave after Leslie says “I hope you have a long and happy life” was super dark (and hilarious), so I’m glad that he was watching his ‘funeral’ from behind a tree with Mona Lisa and they were faking the death for, yes, an insurance scam, planning to use the money to build a casino in TaJIIIIIIIIIIIIkistan which would probably be a huge failure. But we know from Craig’s way way future that Jean-Ralphio ends up having a winery so SHA-BOOSH! for him. I hope he’s fluhusshhh with cahashhh.
April & Andy
I love how even when Andy is at his dumbest (“Shotgun!” “We’re taking the elevator.” “I GET TO PUSH THE BUTTONS! I called it!”), she always has his back (“HE CALLED IT.”). Their relationship is, like every relationship on this show, so lovely and feels so real. I am going to miss them. I really liked seeing them in D.C. still hanging out with Leslie and Ben. When we shoot to Halloween in the near future, did you notice that one of the trick-or-treaters that Andy opens the door to was dressed as Chris Pratt’s character from ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’?? How adorable is that! I’m glad we got to see Janet Snakehole, Burt Macklin, and little Champion again, even though there wasn’t enough Champion. Poor little guy is old now! “I have to ask, how many legs did the dog have when you found him?” This is still one of my favorite quotes from the entire series because, even though Ben says it, it says so much about Andy. (I also love that Chris Pratt apparently suggested that Andy’s cause of death would be being locked in a hot car. True.)
The only non-perfect thing about the entire episode was the ‘discussion’ about having children between April and Andy. Even though we already saw that April was pregnant in the first flashforward (Donna’s), their decision to have kids felt rushed. Or really nonexistent. It was very April to have her be totally on board with the stretch marks, weird veins, and puking, but not for the child part. However, her mind seemed made up against having kids; she did not seem just “on the fence” as they said. They should have made her seem more undecided, rather than so against kids, so that her eventual pregnancies don’t seem so wrong for her. It felt really strange to hear her say pretty decidedly that she didn’t want them, and then see her having one.
When we do see April in labor, I forgot that Dr. Saperstein was already an established character so for a second I thought having Henry Winkler as the ob/gyn was a reference to Friends, when the guy who delivers Phoebe’s triplets thinks he’s the Fonz. Everything makes me think of Friends! (The Parks finale was 10x better. Than any finale.)
Notes:
- SANDRA DEE O’CONNOR. Unbelievable costume! Doing it next year.
- CONES OF DUNSHIRE 2! “Gameplay magazine called it ‘punishingly intricate’.”
Tom Haverford
Tom’s meeting with his investors was so good. I love that his investors are Ben, Ron, and Donna, and that during business hours he refers to Ben as Accounting Nerd. “I’m a Congressman, man, can you at least call me Ben?” “No can do Accounting Nerd.” And OF COURSE Ben recommended adding calzones to the menu. Perfect touch!
After the complete combustion of Entertainment 720 and the downward trajectory of the initially promising Rent-A-Swag, it felt kind of strange that Tom was all of a sudden very successful. So having him fail on a larger scale than ever, only to really find success by exploiting/writing about failure, was a genius and super appropriate move.
Tom watching his depressing documentary (that he made himself!) was pathetic but typical, and he looks really cute in glasses. I’m glad that he and Lucy seem happy together despite his failings (“who knew the country would run out of beef?” Um doesn’t everyone realize this?) And it was wonderful to have Tom parlay his business failures into a successful writing and speaking career talking about failing. I loved that his 7 types of successful people were all named and modeled after the main cast members. Tear. I’m happy that he finally (I assume) gets to meet the love of his life, Kendrick Lamar.
Notes:
- The best is later on when the gang reconvenes in Pawnee and Ron says, “Tom. I took the quiz in your book. I am a Ron.” And Ben says, “Last time I took it I was a Tom!” Cue Tom’s super concerned face: “What? No! Take it again! I gotta recalibrate the quiz.”
- “What do we definitely NOT want to be?” Hundreds of audience members: “A GARRY!”
- “I had to sell my pocket square collection! Where are people’s eyes gonna be drawn to?!”
- Jerry: “I’m here with my two best friends, Leslie Knope and Tom Haverford.” Cue Tom busting into hysterical laughter.
Garry Gergich (Jerry, always)
Poor Jerry has been the victim of so much abuse during the entire series, from having his name frequently changed on him and no one ever wanting him around to being the only person Leslie Knope was mean to. All the harm just bounced off of him, but we always felt bad for Jerry even though he never felt bad about any of it. Luckily, the end of the show gave Jerry his Susan B. Anthony, like the end of Ocean’s 13 giving the airport slot wins to the poor tortured hotel reviewer. Jerry, interim mayor of Pawnee, was elected to the office officially, and then continued to be reelected for pretty much the rest of his life.
He lived to be 100, surrounded by his beautiful children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, and of course his beautiful wife Gayle (Christie Brinkley), who, in a hilarious move by the show, never aged. He died in his sleep, and his funeral allowed for several amazing things: a) a later-in-life reunion by the gang, b) the 21 stamp salute, c) his tombstone to be spelled wrong, and d) MOST IMPORTANTLY – a chance for us to see Secret Service agents guarding Old Lady Leslie and Old Man Ben!!!!
Notes:
- Brandi Maxx becomes councilwoman! Ahhhh!
- ONE OF THEM WAS PRESIDENT!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG BEST. SHOW. EVER.
Ron Swanson
In 2022, Ron spontaneously decides to resign as chairman of Very Good Building & Development Co., telling his many brothers (they’re all brothers!) not to get emotional and to give him whatever severance is fair. On the advice of accountant Ben, Ron diversifies his fortune by selling some gold and becoming, naturally, the majority shareholder of Lagavulin. He comes to Leslie at his personal crossroads, when he’s unsure what to do with the rest of his life, and it’s a lovely moment that he comes to her for help. Leslie of course will know what to do, and she just makes some calls and gets him the job of Captain Park Ranger of the Pawnee National Park, the perfect decision. Ron as big boss park ranger of the park they saved together, just yes. I love that Leslie shot down all of Ron’s doubts quickly and when he finally accepted she said “Oh I already accepted for you. I still know how to forge your signature!” As Ron breathes in his new life and canoes out into the lake, they play what we know is Ron’s favorite song ‘Buddy’. That was just mean. So many tears even on the third viewing. Just perfect.
Leslie & Ben
When their segment opens, the ‘nice house’ they are in is the White House, correct? So Biden is president in 2023? I think that’s when it was. Second term? Amazing. Also I loved Dr. Jill’s hot pink dress. I think Mindy Kaling has worn it. The DNC person approaching Leslie about running for governor of Indiana was immediately topped by the appearance of Jen (Kathryn Hahn), the greatest and most realistic political character on modern TV. She is the best. I really wish she met Jean-Ralphio. Can you imagine how amazing they’d be together?
So, what a perfect problem to give our heroes, having to decide which one of them should run for governor when they were both qualified. I like that Ben pulled the car over when they were having an important conversation so he could devote his attention to it. I adore. Leslie naturally made a pros and cons list on their home white board, and the lists were identical for each of them. They meet the whole gang back in Pawnee and plan to run the question by everyone because OH MY ANN’S HERE! YOU GUYS! ANN’S HERE! Leslie’s unbridled joy as she pushes Ben away Elaine-style to get to Ann is my favorite. But how long has it been? Please tell me they haven’t been separated for almost a decade?!
I don’t even remember what brought everyone back to Pawnee for this reunion, but it was one of the best scenes, mostly because Ann and Chris (my absolute favorite) were back, and because we saw little duos break away to talk. Leslie and Chris went into an office so Leslie could give Chris a new list of amazing things to call Ann, since the best he could come up with on his own was comparing her to a ‘nutrient-rich chia seed’ and beautiful Ann is used to the most unique and jaw-dropping of compliments. The new ones include: “Ann, you rainbow-infused space unicorn.” “Ann, you beautiful sassy mannequin come to life.” “Ann, you opalescent tree shark.” In like a 10 second scene, Chris managed to say ‘literally’ and became afraid of a new health threat: “Aren’t you afraid that thing will give you cancer?” “Well now I am.” And I love that we saw Ben and Ann talking for like 2 seconds about Cones of Dunshire and Ann looked SO bored!
I was rooting for Leslie and Ben to decide that Leslie should run for governor, so when she said let’s flip a coin to decide I got nervous. But of course super perfect Ben thought about how much he freaking loved her because who doesn’t and realized how great she is and so he decided for them that she’d run. Cut to about 12 years later, when Leslie, speaking to a graduating class at Indiana University, refers to her two terms as their governor. TEAR. She won! Twice! And the whole gang is in the audience! Screw students’ 4th relatives! But OMG the Dean announced the creation of the Leslie Knope Library! Ahahhahahahahaha! Leslie mutters under her breath, “a fucking library?” How they managed to fit so many inside jokes in this hour is just astounding.
Notes:
- ANN’S DAUGHTER IS NAMED LESLIE. Did you catch that? That’s the sweetest thing ever.
- “Ben will be running my campaign because he’s a super genius and he’s got a tight compact little body like an Italian sports car.”
So this was the best finale maybe of all time, yes? It was a genius move to just hint at the presidency, and to leave it vague whether it was Leslie or Ben. I love that you can pick who you want, but obviously it was Leslie because come on! Best ever! Leslie killed us with this line: “That’s all I want, all of these people in the same place at the same time.” US TOO.
