Happy Purim! Eat This Rhubarb Caramel Hamantaschen !by Randi / March 5, 2015
When the representative for the English National Opera took to the stage at 3pm on a recent Saturday and announced that one of the principal actors had a gastrointestinal infection, but would still be performing, and they were just asking for our understanding, well then you knew you were in for a treat of a day. When a prim and proper British woman who works in opera informs you just for the sake of informing you that an opera singer about to sing in front of you might crap his pants onstage, that’s worth the ticket price alone.
And when the people seated next to me were talking about the run time a few minutes before curtain, and one turned to me and asked, “Wait, is this really close to 4 hours?”, and I said “Actually it’s more like 5,” and then I was corrected that it was closer to 6 (with intermissions), well you knew the whole thing would be quite special.
And when the people seated next to me were talking about the run time a few minutes before curtain, and one turned to me and asked, “Wait, is this really close to 4 hours?”, and I said “Actually it’s more like 5,” and then I was corrected that it was closer to 6 (with intermissions), well you knew the whole thing would be quite special.
“The Mastersingers of Nuremberg” is one of Wagner’s supposed masterpieces, not that I think this anti-Semitic assrat really should be considered the creator of masterpieces. Regardless, I went to see for myself, and by god, it was sung in English instead of German. I mean. People. Do the operas in the language in which they were written. I don’t watch the dubbed over version of “Life is Beautiful” and I sure as hell don’t want to hear terribly translated lyrics plunked onto melodies they weren’t meant for. A few years ago, in Vienna, we saw “Rigoletto”, one of Verdi’s masterpieces (actual), and the bastards did it in German. It was HIDEO. I swore I’d only see operas performed in their original languages after that. But I got free tickets to “Mastersingers” and so whatever. It was worth it so I could see in the flesh how bonkers Wagner was. Did he have syphilis? That’s always the cause of ancient times people being craybies.
So “Mastersingers” is an opera in three acts, each one the length of a decent movie, or a regular opera. The show begins in a church with like 100 people who you never see again singing hymns. At the end of the church service, a knight just passing through sees this young girl Eva and falls in love with her (naturally) and she falls in love with him (naturally) and then he approaches her and says hello and what not. Her maid informs the knight that no, the girl isn’t yet engaged, but she’s about to be, because her father is the leader of the Mastersingers guild and has promised his daughter as the prize in the upcoming singing competition. What a cool dad! So the knight, Walther, you’re probably not supposed to pronounce the ‘h’ but I do, has the great idea to audition for the Mastersingers, be invited to join the guild, and then win the competition and be able to marry this young girl he just fell in love with when he saw her from across the room even though her dress is hideous and she wears it the entire show.
Walther goes to the guild meeting, where Eva’s father sings about how great their guild is and how pretty their costumes are. Before he enters, David (Han Sachs’s apprentice (Hans Sachs is the lead role but like is no one important??)) teaches Walther how to sing like a master. In a very confusing lecture, David apparently says that there must be birds, and flowers, but not trees, or some such absolute hilarious nonsense that no one would understand. Walther still tries to audition, with a song about love of course because he’s an expert in that biz now, but is laughed at because he doesn’t know how they do. The town clerk, Beckmesser, is a guild member who reeeeally wants to win the marriage prize and he is really mad that they let Walther audition at all. He makes fun of him a lot. He also is clearly Wagner’s Jewish character, as he’s rich and greedy and cheap and the villain and Wagner wants everyone to hate him, just like he wanted everyone to hate Jews. Wagner’s the worst. Beckmesser is like who let this amateur into our club? And Hans Sachs is like hey be nice, why can’t we give this guy a chance? And Beckmesser’s all “Shut up Hans Sachs and go finish making my shoes dammit why you taking so long to make my shoes?” Hans Sachs is a shoemaker p.s.
First intermission. We moved down to better seats. Then we made friends with old people and tried to identify all the famous German notables on the curtain. Oh yeah, the show curtain was a freaking mass of maybe 200 scary white faces, all famous Germans, including Goethe, Marlena Dietrich, prob lots of Nazis.
The beginning of Act Two is probably my favorite part. We open in the alley between Hans Sachs’s shop/house and Eva’s father’s house. David is informing Eva’s maid Magdalena, who is also David’s secretish lover, that Walther failed his Mastersinger audition. Magdalena becomes so upset for Eva’s future that she forgets to give David the food she brought for him, and then everyone in the vicinity makes fun of him before Hans Sachs saves him and ushers him back to the shop. Let’s go over that. The most terribly sad thing Wagner could think of having the maid do in her sadness was to forget to feed her boyfriend. And then the whole town mocks him because he didn’t get food gifts from his girlfriend that night. I’m obsessed.
Then we see Eva and her father talk about the audition. Her father expresses a little bit of doubt about hosting a singing competition as the means of finding his daughter’s husband. Good thinking, man. He gets over his 2-minute span of doubt right quick though and is all “nahhh whatevs this plan is great, not weird, totally normal for this time period.” He goes to sleep while Eva talks to Hans Sachs about Walther. Hans is like ugh he totally messed up even though we tried to teach him, so you’re probably gonna marry Beckmesser, sorry. And Eva’s like oh god dammit Hans, can’t you at least enter the competition? I’d be okay with marrying you. I mean, I love that new guy, what’s his name, Walther, but I’d be happy with you. Hans is like bitch you tripping.
Then Walther, who, remember, is a knight, and probably left a much cooler life wherever he came from, comes by in the middle of the knight and talks to Eva. They’re wondering whether they should elope but then Beckmesser that awful Jew (Wagner’s words) comes by to serenade his future bride. Since Eva is outside cavorting with Walther, her wonderful maid Magdalena pretends to be Eva at her bedroom window. So Beckmesser is singing to Magdalena, thinking it’s Eva, and Hans Sachs is sitting on his front stoop cobbling Beckmesser’s shoes. It’s all a big jumble of activity in the middle of the night because these people have no regard for their neighbors who are TRYING TO SLEEP DAMMIT. Beckmesser’s singing, Eva and Walther are trying to be quiet in the shadows, Hans Sachs is cobbling and hammering, and then David comes out of Hans Sachs’s house (they live together?) and sees Beckmesser serenading his girlfriend and so he attacks him. David and Beckmesser start fighting and then THE ENTIRE TOWN JOINS IN THE FIGHT. And then everyone is like left in their underwear! And all those people from the very first scene about 4 hours ago are finally given another part in the show and beat up the guys! And then Hans Sachs sends Eva home so she doesn’t elope and the riot sort of stops! And then! Omg and then! This awful scary figure in black holding a lantern comes out of the shadows singing a dirge-like tune – it’s the Night Watchman, and he’s dressed in Angie’s Maleficent costume, headgear and all. It is REDONK. End Act Two.
Intermission Number Two. We go outside and get dinner and ice cream. I am surprised at the number of people out on the streets still and then I realize it’s not even 7pm.
Act Three. There are noticeably fewer people in the theatre. This is a marathon, people. Commitment is half the battle. So we open in Hans Sachs’s shop and he is reading. I remember being bored. The guy playing Hans Sachs is a really good singer though. His name is Iain Paterson. Walther appears and Hans Sachs tries again to teach him how to sing in the Mastersingers style. This time is more successful, and Walther composes a pretty beautiful song. For the first time all day, I thought, oh wow, that’s lovely, I don’t feel like I am being bombarded by the noise of clanging pots, Richard.
This is where things got confusing. Walther leaves to get dressed for the festival, and Beckmesser arrives, still torn up and hurt from his beating the night before. Like, FFS Wagner, this guy really didn’t do anything. He’s mean and annoying but Wagner clearly wants the audience to delight in his misfortune and pain here because he’s so goddamn anti-Semitic. What an asstard. Beckmesser sees the new song on Hans’s desk, and it’s in Hans’s handwriting because he transcribed it while Walther was singing and composing it. But Beckmesser sees that it’s in Hans’s writing, Hans doesn’t correct him, and Beckmesser gets mad assuming that Hans is entering the competition. This is a big problem for Beck because the great Hans Sachs is the best singer or something and is serious competition. Beckmesser’s all “Aw come on Hans you’re breaking my barrrrs!” So Hans gives Beckmesser the song that Walther just wrote. He just gives it to him. And he warns him that it’s hard to sing so he better be careful. Like that’s Hans’s plan, to have Beckmesser sing Walther’s great song but not practice it enough so he ends up messing up and embarrassing himself. Whaaat a plan.
Then Eva arrives and weirdly so weirdly flirts with Hans. She clearly came looking for Walther, and when she didn’t see him, thought the next best idea was to trick Hans into thinking she came looking for him. She dumb. But then Walther comes downstairs and she like cries out in joy and Hans is like see, you love him, and she is like yeah sorry I played with your heart I got lost in the game oh baby baby. Then David and Magdalena appear, and Hans Sachs promotes David from apprentice to whatever is above that, and also is like hey you two should get married, you have my blessing, which apparently was necessary for a man’s sort-of boss to give back then even though both men are clearly over 50 years old. And then the only fantastic part of the entire thing occurs: All five of these characters sing a beautiful quintet with little to no accompaniment, and the opera should have ended there. It was gorgeous. During the applause after this movement, I actually started gathering my things because I thought it was the end. It should have been. But then there was another hour and a half.
But of course it couldn’t be over – we have to see the festival in its entirety! First, all the guilds in Nuremberg show off their skills and wares. It’s the most random procession. We see different art works on display, and like metalworks I think, and then all of a sudden there are five gigantic soft pretzels on display for judging and one gets a blue ribbon. WHAT IS THIS SHOW. I really wanted a pretzel.
Then the Mastersingers have their competition in front of the entire town. Beckmesser sings the song he got from Hans, but he didn’t practice and has no idea how it’s supposed to go so it’s a huge mess of a thing and it’s really awkward and everyone has fremdschamen which they actually know they have because it’s their word, the Germans.
Beckmesser tells everyone that he didn’t write this crap, that Hans Sachs did. Everyone gasps, they all actually gasp, because erma p, how could the great Hans Sachs’s have written this terrible song? Hans is like, people please, A) I didn’t write it, and B) it’s actually a good song so why not let the guy who wrote it sing it how it’s supposed to be sung? And then Walther sings and everyone realizes he should be a Master and so they make him one and announce him the winner of the competition/young girl and Eva is so happy that she can marry the guy she fell in love with yesterday.
BUT THEN, Walther steps back with Hans Sachs and is like…um…Hans…I changed my mind! I don’t want to be a Master NOR do I want to marry this rando! And Hans, oh my god, Hans gives a speech that actually had me rolling in my seat laughing, not believing what was happening in front of me. Hans Sachs, in an effort to convince Walther to accept his prize (a wife) and to become a member of the Masters guild, sings a prolonged speech about how important it is to be German, to continue German art, and how even art like Walther’s that is different and challenging still has to be performed within the existing culture and framework in order to, well, exist, and that he and everyone and all of Germany need “Germany” like their current system/government in order to make their art, be happy, and live good lives. In order to respect Germany and all the good things Germany has done, Walther needs to marry this girl. And then, just when you think this suddenly North Korean ending can’t get weirder, THE WHOLE CAST PULLS OUT LIFE SIZE CARDBOARD CUTOUTS OF THE FAMOUS GERMANS THAT WERE PICTURED ON THE SHOW CURTAIN, LIKE FROM BEHIND THE ACTORS COME HUGE STANDEES OF GOETHE AND VARIOUS GRIMMS AND OTTO VON BISMARCK AND WHO THE HELL KNOWS AND THAT’S HOW THIS SHOW ENDED AND OH MY GOD IT WAS THE CRAZIEST THING EVER.
There’s one more performance, Tuesday March 10. If you have seven free hours, you should go. Or just catch the ending. Worth it.
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‘Bayside! The Musical’ in London: Did They Even Have ‘Saved By The Bell’ Here?
It’s Theatre Tuesday! We get an extra day to talk about theatre this week because ‘Bayside! The Musical’ opens tonight at The Other Palace in London but closes Saturday!
“Bayside is a school that’s cool and you know that it’s true! The girls are the cutest and the guys are the hippest too – oooh ooh ooh!!!” If that means anything to you – or better yet, if you heard it with Zack’s lemon juice-afflicted squeaking – then ‘Bayside! The Musical’ is the fun, silly as heck romp meant especially for you. If you have no idea what’s going on, you might enjoy seeing this new-to-London show, but not nearly as much. Unless you like truly vulgar, over-the-top raunch; then you will also like it a lot.
“Bayside is a school that’s cool and you know that it’s true! The girls are the cutest and the guys are the hippest too – oooh ooh ooh!!!” If that means anything to you – or better yet, if you heard it with Zack’s lemon juice-afflicted squeaking – then ‘Bayside! The Musical’ is the fun, silly as heck romp meant especially for you. If you have no idea what’s going on, you might enjoy seeing this new-to-London show, but not nearly as much. Unless you like truly vulgar, over-the-top raunch; then you will also like it a lot.
‘Bayside! The Musical’, presented by National Lampoon productions, sillily lampoons the American national treasure ‘Saved by the Bell’ and the goofy characters we know so well. It opens tonight after a weekend of previews, which I saw the first one of. Seeing it is like being with old friends from childhood who you just want to mock mercilessly. And hoo boy, is it merciless. Created by Bob and Tobly McSmith (no typos in there, p.s.) (I know) (Tobly) (Tobly) (I can’t stop saying it) (the word has lost all meaning), ‘Bayside!’ focuses its semi-well-meaning ridicule on the aspects of the show that made no sense and suggests new takes on the show that make so much sense – like Slater being gay and in love with Zack. Perfection!
Showing this week at London’s The Other Palace Theatre in the Victoria section of town, ‘Bayside!’ is downstairs in the Studio, which I never knew existed despite having been to TOP like 50 times. It’s a tiny crowded black-box style room, with a tiny stage that has barely enough room for the prop ‘table’ (it’s a piano that goes unused) let alone for sets. The actors enter and exist through the aisle between audience members. It’s open seating (first come first get the best seats) and there’s a bar like right there. So, all of this adds to the very informal vibe of ‘we’re seeing high schoolers put on this little show they worked on so hard all semester’. And of course no, this is professional, but if you pretend it’s by high schoolers it’s a lot more impressive.
Regardless of how amateur it seems (and many of the actors’ skills do reinforce that impression), it doesn’t really matter. If you just watched a few eps of ‘Saved by the Bell’ when you were young, you’ll be all in for all the inside jokes and references that remind you of how bonkers this sitcom was, especially considering it was meant for children, and you’ll have a blast. The cast includes actors for each of the main 6 – Zack, Kelly, Slater, Jessie, Lisa, Screech – plus two ‘extras’ who play all the other necessary parts (Belding, Tori, Chief Henry’s ghost) and are truly the most impressive and most hilarious of the bunch. Their improved-seeming vamps during scene changes are some of the funniest parts. Ben Campbell (a great Zack) is the only American in the bunch so there were some odd attempts at the accent but I didn’t even care I was having such fun.
This parody is indeed a musical, and while you might be expecting to hear international Grammy-winning hits by the Zack Attack, or more of those school songs like I began with, they’re all original tunes, like about how Kelly is poor or about how there’s nothing sexual about the girls’ sleepover. They’re not great songs, and the lyrics often get tired, but they’re funny and their foundations are clever. Oh there is one familiar song, of course – Hot Sunday’s “Get Down and Break a Sweat”, which even in a parody show can never be as hilarious as seeing the real thing. Although, it was a nice touch to comment that yes, this pointless music video, clearly occurring just to show the girls in their underwear, did indeed air during Saturday morning children’s programming.
The best part by far was its take on two specific characters. The first is playing AC Slater as not only gay, but super raging into Zack, always trying to get Preppy into compromising situations – like he gets when he wrestles, which is why he’s the star wrestler. Every single line out of Slater’s mouth would be something dirty directed at Preppy. Almost as genius was the roadkill-looking wig the actor was wearing to resemble the young Mario Lopez. But the best take on a character, and the best most brilliant aspect of the show by far, was their portrayal of Tori Scott. Those real fans out there will remember Tori as the new girl character introduced during the ghost season – a season with absolutely no sense of time or space as relating to the other seasons, with no regard to what had happened before or where the kids were in school by this time (hint: they had already graduated), and with no mention of what happened to Jessie or Kelly, who had left the show after their characters graduated in the previous season. You know, you think ‘high school show’, you think ‘out after graduation’, so Tiffani and Lizzie bounced, but the Tori years, my goodness, were just like they were back in a second go at junior year, with proms and everything. It was amazing, and the best part was that Tori was kind of butch and badass and honestly was the Slater that Mario Lopez, and the creators, wished he could be. So of course ‘Bayside!’ had the male extra actor play Tori – a lot – by throwing an enormous blonde curly wig on and speaking with an even deeper voice than his real one. Also, this Tori had a parole officer and a bad past, and she frequently referred to her needing to score dope (but there’s no hope with dope!). It was BRILLIANT and honestly that portrayal, by William Hazell, is my top reason why fans should go see this show. I’m cracking up just thinking about it.
Another worthy take on a character was that of Violet, the super nerdy girl that Screech falls for, or that falls for Screech really, during the chorus-focused episode (The One Where They’re All Suddenly in Chorus). Violet was played by Tori Spelling because her dad owned everyone and everything and one day she was like ‘Daddy I want to be on ‘Saved by the Bell’ all my friends watch it’ and Aaron was like ‘ugh okay but you’re so annoying that I’m going to make you a love interest for Screech’. So this Violet, played by female extra Roann McCloskey (I want to say one of the few who could carry a tune?), wasn’t referred to as Violet but as Tori Spelling, because that’s really what it was, just Tori Spelling wanting to be on TV. It was a little bit overplayed (she’s in this production A LOT for someone who I think had just one episode! (memorable though it may be)), but still pretty funny overall.
One part that wasn’t overplayed and I wish they did more with it was having Lisa not know that she’s black. She never ever talks about it and no one ever mentions it on the show; it’s as whitewashed as possible while still having the actress be black. It sort of makes sense, because Lisa was originally supposed to be a JAP from Long Island (omg can I just say I am SO HAPPY that she wasn’t; can you imagine having to deal with the awful stereotypes that the shitty writers would have constantly repeated?) and so after Lark Voorhies was cast the lazy writers didn’t really change too much about the character although they were ‘supposed’ to alter her a little. So her blackness was ignored, not out of a sense of ‘oh her friends don’t see color’ but more of a ‘oh let’s just pretend she has no cultural identity of her own.’ So here, they comment on that near-erasure by having someone tell Lisa that she’s black and having her react to it. Oh my god this was hilarious and they could have done sooo much more with it. Her rap about white people things is good, and just made me want to see more as this was the one almost-sophisticated take about the whole show.
Like the jokes, the musical numbers have glimmers of brilliance but can get a little wearisome. They repeat a lot of the lyrics over and over and lose the humor that way. But the brilliant parts are what I’ll remember. The funniest song is when Kelly blithely sings about ‘Trapper Keeper Boner Hiders’, as all the boys in school have to carry their famous ‘90s binders when they see her. And my favorite rhyme in the whole show is the Act I closer, when they ask “Will Zack and Kelly be reunited? Will Jessie be…so excited?” As expected, there is a lot, maybe too much, about Jessie’s infamous caffeine pill addiction, but come on, you can’t NOT talk about that when the topic of ‘Saved by the Bell’ comes up. The most genius use of this storyline happens to be my favorite part of the whole show – but one that not many people understood, which is so sad to me as a musical theatre fanatic. So Jessie is up there on the dark stage all alone, with just a single spotlight illuminating her. The music starts to vamp, a very familiar measure of music, and Jessie quietly sings ‘Why did I do it…’ and I CACKLED. I laughed so loud and hard that people turned to look at me, people who OBVIOUSLY aren’t musical theatre fans or they would have recognized that part of Rose’s Turn from ‘Gypsy’ and joined me in recognizing how brilliant it was to use this here. SO BRILLIANT! I can’t get over it. It’s too bad the actress playing Jessie wasn’t too strong of a vocalist because I mean this is the pinnacle of musical theatre numbers and it’s kind of mean to give it to someone who is weak but still oh man this was the best ever.
Although I laughed regularly the whole time, this extra-hysterical reaction of mine was matched, almost, by one other part of the show. At the end, Screech gets struck by lightning and predicts the future. He says Jessie will do a movie that ‘shows her boobies’ and destroy her career (true), Zack will date a homeless girl (also true), and then he turns to Lisa and says ‘YOUR FACE IS GOING TO MELT OFF.’ Oh my god I died! If you have seen a picture of Lark Voorhies in the past decade you know why this is so funny and so unbelievably mean. It’s awful but I can’t stop laughing! Lisa looks concerned and says ‘my face?’ and Screech continues ‘Yes. Your face is going to melt off, it’s going to melt right off of your body.’ I couldn’t breathe.
All the fun and clever bits are sometimes overshadowed by the vulgar sex jokes, which are funny at first when you have a show this silly but it really truly goes overboard. We were the youngest people in the audience and there were all these stuffy white-haired British people sitting there and listening to really disgusting descriptions of the most crude stuff you could ever imagine and it was suuuupes aaaawk. Some of it was funny, but a good 70% of that material could be cut and the show would be better for it. There’s so much brilliance to mine in mocking this show as is; there’s no need to resort to penis jokes every other minute.
But as I shared above (oh, spoiler alert retroactively sorry), there’s plenty of hilarity going on, and fans will rejoice at an endless treasure trove of references. There’s Zack constantly stopping time with his ‘Time-outs!’, there’s Screech dressing as an old lady and having noooo one question that he is one, as happened on the show more than once. There’s shout-outs to Chief Henry (remember when Zack befriended an Indian chief?????) and Miss Bliss. There’s constant talk about how Kelly is poor, like so much. And there’s even a comment about the gang going to Hawaii, where Kelly’s grandfather lives. Remember that nonsense?? When for four or so episodes the whole gang just up and went to Hawaii for like a month? Because Kelly’s grandfather owned a hotel there? And Kelly fell for a lawyer who was trying to steal her grandfather’s business even though she was what 17 at best and the lawyer had to be at least 25 and NO ONE EVER MENTIONED how this was illegal??? Ahhhhhhhh! OMG I just found out that Kelly’s grandfather was played by Dean Jones! Dean Jones as in the original Bobby in Sondheim’s ‘Company’! Oh man writing about this show is taking me on such a roller coaster of emotions I really must stop.
‘Bayside! The Musical’ would have benefited from a good edit, but it’s overall such a funny parody of our beloved sitcom that it’s worth seeing, especially if you remember watching the show more than 20 years ago (I know) and being like, ‘wait, what?’
Showing this week at London’s The Other Palace Theatre in the Victoria section of town, ‘Bayside!’ is downstairs in the Studio, which I never knew existed despite having been to TOP like 50 times. It’s a tiny crowded black-box style room, with a tiny stage that has barely enough room for the prop ‘table’ (it’s a piano that goes unused) let alone for sets. The actors enter and exist through the aisle between audience members. It’s open seating (first come first get the best seats) and there’s a bar like right there. So, all of this adds to the very informal vibe of ‘we’re seeing high schoolers put on this little show they worked on so hard all semester’. And of course no, this is professional, but if you pretend it’s by high schoolers it’s a lot more impressive.
Regardless of how amateur it seems (and many of the actors’ skills do reinforce that impression), it doesn’t really matter. If you just watched a few eps of ‘Saved by the Bell’ when you were young, you’ll be all in for all the inside jokes and references that remind you of how bonkers this sitcom was, especially considering it was meant for children, and you’ll have a blast. The cast includes actors for each of the main 6 – Zack, Kelly, Slater, Jessie, Lisa, Screech – plus two ‘extras’ who play all the other necessary parts (Belding, Tori, Chief Henry’s ghost) and are truly the most impressive and most hilarious of the bunch. Their improved-seeming vamps during scene changes are some of the funniest parts. Ben Campbell (a great Zack) is the only American in the bunch so there were some odd attempts at the accent but I didn’t even care I was having such fun.
This parody is indeed a musical, and while you might be expecting to hear international Grammy-winning hits by the Zack Attack, or more of those school songs like I began with, they’re all original tunes, like about how Kelly is poor or about how there’s nothing sexual about the girls’ sleepover. They’re not great songs, and the lyrics often get tired, but they’re funny and their foundations are clever. Oh there is one familiar song, of course – Hot Sunday’s “Get Down and Break a Sweat”, which even in a parody show can never be as hilarious as seeing the real thing. Although, it was a nice touch to comment that yes, this pointless music video, clearly occurring just to show the girls in their underwear, did indeed air during Saturday morning children’s programming.
The best part by far was its take on two specific characters. The first is playing AC Slater as not only gay, but super raging into Zack, always trying to get Preppy into compromising situations – like he gets when he wrestles, which is why he’s the star wrestler. Every single line out of Slater’s mouth would be something dirty directed at Preppy. Almost as genius was the roadkill-looking wig the actor was wearing to resemble the young Mario Lopez. But the best take on a character, and the best most brilliant aspect of the show by far, was their portrayal of Tori Scott. Those real fans out there will remember Tori as the new girl character introduced during the ghost season – a season with absolutely no sense of time or space as relating to the other seasons, with no regard to what had happened before or where the kids were in school by this time (hint: they had already graduated), and with no mention of what happened to Jessie or Kelly, who had left the show after their characters graduated in the previous season. You know, you think ‘high school show’, you think ‘out after graduation’, so Tiffani and Lizzie bounced, but the Tori years, my goodness, were just like they were back in a second go at junior year, with proms and everything. It was amazing, and the best part was that Tori was kind of butch and badass and honestly was the Slater that Mario Lopez, and the creators, wished he could be. So of course ‘Bayside!’ had the male extra actor play Tori – a lot – by throwing an enormous blonde curly wig on and speaking with an even deeper voice than his real one. Also, this Tori had a parole officer and a bad past, and she frequently referred to her needing to score dope (but there’s no hope with dope!). It was BRILLIANT and honestly that portrayal, by William Hazell, is my top reason why fans should go see this show. I’m cracking up just thinking about it.
Another worthy take on a character was that of Violet, the super nerdy girl that Screech falls for, or that falls for Screech really, during the chorus-focused episode (The One Where They’re All Suddenly in Chorus). Violet was played by Tori Spelling because her dad owned everyone and everything and one day she was like ‘Daddy I want to be on ‘Saved by the Bell’ all my friends watch it’ and Aaron was like ‘ugh okay but you’re so annoying that I’m going to make you a love interest for Screech’. So this Violet, played by female extra Roann McCloskey (I want to say one of the few who could carry a tune?), wasn’t referred to as Violet but as Tori Spelling, because that’s really what it was, just Tori Spelling wanting to be on TV. It was a little bit overplayed (she’s in this production A LOT for someone who I think had just one episode! (memorable though it may be)), but still pretty funny overall.
One part that wasn’t overplayed and I wish they did more with it was having Lisa not know that she’s black. She never ever talks about it and no one ever mentions it on the show; it’s as whitewashed as possible while still having the actress be black. It sort of makes sense, because Lisa was originally supposed to be a JAP from Long Island (omg can I just say I am SO HAPPY that she wasn’t; can you imagine having to deal with the awful stereotypes that the shitty writers would have constantly repeated?) and so after Lark Voorhies was cast the lazy writers didn’t really change too much about the character although they were ‘supposed’ to alter her a little. So her blackness was ignored, not out of a sense of ‘oh her friends don’t see color’ but more of a ‘oh let’s just pretend she has no cultural identity of her own.’ So here, they comment on that near-erasure by having someone tell Lisa that she’s black and having her react to it. Oh my god this was hilarious and they could have done sooo much more with it. Her rap about white people things is good, and just made me want to see more as this was the one almost-sophisticated take about the whole show.
Like the jokes, the musical numbers have glimmers of brilliance but can get a little wearisome. They repeat a lot of the lyrics over and over and lose the humor that way. But the brilliant parts are what I’ll remember. The funniest song is when Kelly blithely sings about ‘Trapper Keeper Boner Hiders’, as all the boys in school have to carry their famous ‘90s binders when they see her. And my favorite rhyme in the whole show is the Act I closer, when they ask “Will Zack and Kelly be reunited? Will Jessie be…so excited?” As expected, there is a lot, maybe too much, about Jessie’s infamous caffeine pill addiction, but come on, you can’t NOT talk about that when the topic of ‘Saved by the Bell’ comes up. The most genius use of this storyline happens to be my favorite part of the whole show – but one that not many people understood, which is so sad to me as a musical theatre fanatic. So Jessie is up there on the dark stage all alone, with just a single spotlight illuminating her. The music starts to vamp, a very familiar measure of music, and Jessie quietly sings ‘Why did I do it…’ and I CACKLED. I laughed so loud and hard that people turned to look at me, people who OBVIOUSLY aren’t musical theatre fans or they would have recognized that part of Rose’s Turn from ‘Gypsy’ and joined me in recognizing how brilliant it was to use this here. SO BRILLIANT! I can’t get over it. It’s too bad the actress playing Jessie wasn’t too strong of a vocalist because I mean this is the pinnacle of musical theatre numbers and it’s kind of mean to give it to someone who is weak but still oh man this was the best ever.
Although I laughed regularly the whole time, this extra-hysterical reaction of mine was matched, almost, by one other part of the show. At the end, Screech gets struck by lightning and predicts the future. He says Jessie will do a movie that ‘shows her boobies’ and destroy her career (true), Zack will date a homeless girl (also true), and then he turns to Lisa and says ‘YOUR FACE IS GOING TO MELT OFF.’ Oh my god I died! If you have seen a picture of Lark Voorhies in the past decade you know why this is so funny and so unbelievably mean. It’s awful but I can’t stop laughing! Lisa looks concerned and says ‘my face?’ and Screech continues ‘Yes. Your face is going to melt off, it’s going to melt right off of your body.’ I couldn’t breathe.
All the fun and clever bits are sometimes overshadowed by the vulgar sex jokes, which are funny at first when you have a show this silly but it really truly goes overboard. We were the youngest people in the audience and there were all these stuffy white-haired British people sitting there and listening to really disgusting descriptions of the most crude stuff you could ever imagine and it was suuuupes aaaawk. Some of it was funny, but a good 70% of that material could be cut and the show would be better for it. There’s so much brilliance to mine in mocking this show as is; there’s no need to resort to penis jokes every other minute.
But as I shared above (oh, spoiler alert retroactively sorry), there’s plenty of hilarity going on, and fans will rejoice at an endless treasure trove of references. There’s Zack constantly stopping time with his ‘Time-outs!’, there’s Screech dressing as an old lady and having noooo one question that he is one, as happened on the show more than once. There’s shout-outs to Chief Henry (remember when Zack befriended an Indian chief?????) and Miss Bliss. There’s constant talk about how Kelly is poor, like so much. And there’s even a comment about the gang going to Hawaii, where Kelly’s grandfather lives. Remember that nonsense?? When for four or so episodes the whole gang just up and went to Hawaii for like a month? Because Kelly’s grandfather owned a hotel there? And Kelly fell for a lawyer who was trying to steal her grandfather’s business even though she was what 17 at best and the lawyer had to be at least 25 and NO ONE EVER MENTIONED how this was illegal??? Ahhhhhhhh! OMG I just found out that Kelly’s grandfather was played by Dean Jones! Dean Jones as in the original Bobby in Sondheim’s ‘Company’! Oh man writing about this show is taking me on such a roller coaster of emotions I really must stop.
‘Bayside! The Musical’ would have benefited from a good edit, but it’s overall such a funny parody of our beloved sitcom that it’s worth seeing, especially if you remember watching the show more than 20 years ago (I know) and being like, ‘wait, what?’
“Big Fish” on Broadway: So Much Promise, Not Enough Spark
With the 2003 film “Big Fish” (starring my love Ewan McGregor) being one of my favorites, I was itching to see the new Broadway musical ASAP. So SAP, in fact, that I saw it in previews. Now, it is the unwritten rule of Broadway that you don’t review previews. However, unless you want to buy me another ticket to see the show post-opening, keep your mouth shut.
“Big Fish” tells the story of a man named Edward Bloom (the great Norbert Leo Butz), who has larger-than-life, unbelievable stories that he loves sharing with his son. However, his son thinks that all his dad’s crazy stories are lies and resents that they form the basis of his parenting. As in the movie, action in the present day frequently flashes back to the origins of Edward’s stories. We see him when he’s a teenager (still Butz!) as he meets a witch who tells him how he’s going to die. We see him befriend a giant (Ryan Andes) and help him become a judge. We see him save his hometown from a flood and become a hero. He’s kissed by a mermaid, beaten by a bully, manipulated by a circus manager, and more. And we see him at present day, as an old man (still Butz!) on his deathbed, still standing by his elaborate tales as his married son begs him for the truth.
Norbert Leo Butz
Norbert Leo Butz was a huge reason I wanted to see the show so badly. I will see (and have seen) Norbert in anything and everything he does, as he is undoubtedly the greatest living musical comedy actor. I’m happy to report that Norbs is in fine form in “Big Fish” and giving one of the great performances of his impressive career. Before we go on, know that the show is worth seeing for him.
But go on we must. I enjoyed the show a good deal, especially for an early preview. but, throughout the evening, I had a nagging sensation that something was wrong. The cast? Mostly solid, with great turns by Butz and Kate Baldwin. The book? A decent adaptation, with some slow sections but overall good storytelling. And despite most other critics’ opinions, the heavily digitized set didn’t bother me (I was probably too far back to be bothered to much by it. I could hear the sound of rocks skipping in the digital creek downstage, but couldn’t see it). I realized what was left – the score. Aside from the lovely “Daffodils” and the wonderful, spot-on “Fight the Dragons”, the score was the problem, uncharacteristically weak and unmemorable from Andrew Lippa, who gave us “The Wild Party”. It really feels like something is missing, because the most important part of a musical is the score! Without consistent, kick-ass music, “Big Fish” lacks the booming heart-racing fun that it should be providing with this amazing source material.
Furthermore, the directing decisions seem off. This should be Edward’s story (stories!), but it feels rushed and impersonal sometimes, preventing the audience from connecting with Edward and being on his side as much as we should. This could be due to the lack of exciting and well-executed ensemble numbers, but it’s due to the direction as well. What I saw was not a cohesive, tight production. Hopefully by opening it was, but that would require the types of changes not normally made during previews.
Kate Baldwin is stellar as Edward’s headstrong sweetheart from their teenage years up until his dying day, always his biggest supporter and believer. Bobby Steggert does what he can with an underdeveloped role as Edward’s grown son, Will. I blame the book for this one, because Billy Crudup in the movie version had the same problems. My favorite surprise was newcomer Ryan Andes as the good-natured Giant, with great stage presence and command of his role. I look forward to what he does next. Norbert does his very best to sell the crap out of what he’s working with. It’s always a privilege to see him onstage, and his performance here is extraordinary, even if he’s forced to work much harder than he should be. No other performer could do with this role what Norbert does, or elevate the material as much as he does. Lots of the flaws seem to disappear because of him, and as a result I really did enjoy this show. I can recommend seeing this show because of a handful of wonderful moments, but mostly because of him.
But go on we must. I enjoyed the show a good deal, especially for an early preview. but, throughout the evening, I had a nagging sensation that something was wrong. The cast? Mostly solid, with great turns by Butz and Kate Baldwin. The book? A decent adaptation, with some slow sections but overall good storytelling. And despite most other critics’ opinions, the heavily digitized set didn’t bother me (I was probably too far back to be bothered to much by it. I could hear the sound of rocks skipping in the digital creek downstage, but couldn’t see it). I realized what was left – the score. Aside from the lovely “Daffodils” and the wonderful, spot-on “Fight the Dragons”, the score was the problem, uncharacteristically weak and unmemorable from Andrew Lippa, who gave us “The Wild Party”. It really feels like something is missing, because the most important part of a musical is the score! Without consistent, kick-ass music, “Big Fish” lacks the booming heart-racing fun that it should be providing with this amazing source material.
Furthermore, the directing decisions seem off. This should be Edward’s story (stories!), but it feels rushed and impersonal sometimes, preventing the audience from connecting with Edward and being on his side as much as we should. This could be due to the lack of exciting and well-executed ensemble numbers, but it’s due to the direction as well. What I saw was not a cohesive, tight production. Hopefully by opening it was, but that would require the types of changes not normally made during previews.
Kate Baldwin is stellar as Edward’s headstrong sweetheart from their teenage years up until his dying day, always his biggest supporter and believer. Bobby Steggert does what he can with an underdeveloped role as Edward’s grown son, Will. I blame the book for this one, because Billy Crudup in the movie version had the same problems. My favorite surprise was newcomer Ryan Andes as the good-natured Giant, with great stage presence and command of his role. I look forward to what he does next. Norbert does his very best to sell the crap out of what he’s working with. It’s always a privilege to see him onstage, and his performance here is extraordinary, even if he’s forced to work much harder than he should be. No other performer could do with this role what Norbert does, or elevate the material as much as he does. Lots of the flaws seem to disappear because of him, and as a result I really did enjoy this show. I can recommend seeing this show because of a handful of wonderful moments, but mostly because of him.
