Happy Purim! Eat This Rhubarb Caramel Hamantaschen !by Randi / March 5, 2015
When the representative for the English National Opera took to the stage at 3pm on a recent Saturday and announced that one of the principal actors had a gastrointestinal infection, but would still be performing, and they were just asking for our understanding, well then you knew you were in for a treat of a day. When a prim and proper British woman who works in opera informs you just for the sake of informing you that an opera singer about to sing in front of you might crap his pants onstage, that’s worth the ticket price alone.
And when the people seated next to me were talking about the run time a few minutes before curtain, and one turned to me and asked, “Wait, is this really close to 4 hours?”, and I said “Actually it’s more like 5,” and then I was corrected that it was closer to 6 (with intermissions), well you knew the whole thing would be quite special.
And when the people seated next to me were talking about the run time a few minutes before curtain, and one turned to me and asked, “Wait, is this really close to 4 hours?”, and I said “Actually it’s more like 5,” and then I was corrected that it was closer to 6 (with intermissions), well you knew the whole thing would be quite special.
“The Mastersingers of Nuremberg” is one of Wagner’s supposed masterpieces, not that I think this anti-Semitic assrat really should be considered the creator of masterpieces. Regardless, I went to see for myself, and by god, it was sung in English instead of German. I mean. People. Do the operas in the language in which they were written. I don’t watch the dubbed over version of “Life is Beautiful” and I sure as hell don’t want to hear terribly translated lyrics plunked onto melodies they weren’t meant for. A few years ago, in Vienna, we saw “Rigoletto”, one of Verdi’s masterpieces (actual), and the bastards did it in German. It was HIDEO. I swore I’d only see operas performed in their original languages after that. But I got free tickets to “Mastersingers” and so whatever. It was worth it so I could see in the flesh how bonkers Wagner was. Did he have syphilis? That’s always the cause of ancient times people being craybies.
So “Mastersingers” is an opera in three acts, each one the length of a decent movie, or a regular opera. The show begins in a church with like 100 people who you never see again singing hymns. At the end of the church service, a knight just passing through sees this young girl Eva and falls in love with her (naturally) and she falls in love with him (naturally) and then he approaches her and says hello and what not. Her maid informs the knight that no, the girl isn’t yet engaged, but she’s about to be, because her father is the leader of the Mastersingers guild and has promised his daughter as the prize in the upcoming singing competition. What a cool dad! So the knight, Walther, you’re probably not supposed to pronounce the ‘h’ but I do, has the great idea to audition for the Mastersingers, be invited to join the guild, and then win the competition and be able to marry this young girl he just fell in love with when he saw her from across the room even though her dress is hideous and she wears it the entire show.
Walther goes to the guild meeting, where Eva’s father sings about how great their guild is and how pretty their costumes are. Before he enters, David (Han Sachs’s apprentice (Hans Sachs is the lead role but like is no one important??)) teaches Walther how to sing like a master. In a very confusing lecture, David apparently says that there must be birds, and flowers, but not trees, or some such absolute hilarious nonsense that no one would understand. Walther still tries to audition, with a song about love of course because he’s an expert in that biz now, but is laughed at because he doesn’t know how they do. The town clerk, Beckmesser, is a guild member who reeeeally wants to win the marriage prize and he is really mad that they let Walther audition at all. He makes fun of him a lot. He also is clearly Wagner’s Jewish character, as he’s rich and greedy and cheap and the villain and Wagner wants everyone to hate him, just like he wanted everyone to hate Jews. Wagner’s the worst. Beckmesser is like who let this amateur into our club? And Hans Sachs is like hey be nice, why can’t we give this guy a chance? And Beckmesser’s all “Shut up Hans Sachs and go finish making my shoes dammit why you taking so long to make my shoes?” Hans Sachs is a shoemaker p.s.
First intermission. We moved down to better seats. Then we made friends with old people and tried to identify all the famous German notables on the curtain. Oh yeah, the show curtain was a freaking mass of maybe 200 scary white faces, all famous Germans, including Goethe, Marlena Dietrich, prob lots of Nazis.
The beginning of Act Two is probably my favorite part. We open in the alley between Hans Sachs’s shop/house and Eva’s father’s house. David is informing Eva’s maid Magdalena, who is also David’s secretish lover, that Walther failed his Mastersinger audition. Magdalena becomes so upset for Eva’s future that she forgets to give David the food she brought for him, and then everyone in the vicinity makes fun of him before Hans Sachs saves him and ushers him back to the shop. Let’s go over that. The most terribly sad thing Wagner could think of having the maid do in her sadness was to forget to feed her boyfriend. And then the whole town mocks him because he didn’t get food gifts from his girlfriend that night. I’m obsessed.
Then we see Eva and her father talk about the audition. Her father expresses a little bit of doubt about hosting a singing competition as the means of finding his daughter’s husband. Good thinking, man. He gets over his 2-minute span of doubt right quick though and is all “nahhh whatevs this plan is great, not weird, totally normal for this time period.” He goes to sleep while Eva talks to Hans Sachs about Walther. Hans is like ugh he totally messed up even though we tried to teach him, so you’re probably gonna marry Beckmesser, sorry. And Eva’s like oh god dammit Hans, can’t you at least enter the competition? I’d be okay with marrying you. I mean, I love that new guy, what’s his name, Walther, but I’d be happy with you. Hans is like bitch you tripping.
Then Walther, who, remember, is a knight, and probably left a much cooler life wherever he came from, comes by in the middle of the knight and talks to Eva. They’re wondering whether they should elope but then Beckmesser that awful Jew (Wagner’s words) comes by to serenade his future bride. Since Eva is outside cavorting with Walther, her wonderful maid Magdalena pretends to be Eva at her bedroom window. So Beckmesser is singing to Magdalena, thinking it’s Eva, and Hans Sachs is sitting on his front stoop cobbling Beckmesser’s shoes. It’s all a big jumble of activity in the middle of the night because these people have no regard for their neighbors who are TRYING TO SLEEP DAMMIT. Beckmesser’s singing, Eva and Walther are trying to be quiet in the shadows, Hans Sachs is cobbling and hammering, and then David comes out of Hans Sachs’s house (they live together?) and sees Beckmesser serenading his girlfriend and so he attacks him. David and Beckmesser start fighting and then THE ENTIRE TOWN JOINS IN THE FIGHT. And then everyone is like left in their underwear! And all those people from the very first scene about 4 hours ago are finally given another part in the show and beat up the guys! And then Hans Sachs sends Eva home so she doesn’t elope and the riot sort of stops! And then! Omg and then! This awful scary figure in black holding a lantern comes out of the shadows singing a dirge-like tune – it’s the Night Watchman, and he’s dressed in Angie’s Maleficent costume, headgear and all. It is REDONK. End Act Two.
Intermission Number Two. We go outside and get dinner and ice cream. I am surprised at the number of people out on the streets still and then I realize it’s not even 7pm.
Act Three. There are noticeably fewer people in the theatre. This is a marathon, people. Commitment is half the battle. So we open in Hans Sachs’s shop and he is reading. I remember being bored. The guy playing Hans Sachs is a really good singer though. His name is Iain Paterson. Walther appears and Hans Sachs tries again to teach him how to sing in the Mastersingers style. This time is more successful, and Walther composes a pretty beautiful song. For the first time all day, I thought, oh wow, that’s lovely, I don’t feel like I am being bombarded by the noise of clanging pots, Richard.
This is where things got confusing. Walther leaves to get dressed for the festival, and Beckmesser arrives, still torn up and hurt from his beating the night before. Like, FFS Wagner, this guy really didn’t do anything. He’s mean and annoying but Wagner clearly wants the audience to delight in his misfortune and pain here because he’s so goddamn anti-Semitic. What an asstard. Beckmesser sees the new song on Hans’s desk, and it’s in Hans’s handwriting because he transcribed it while Walther was singing and composing it. But Beckmesser sees that it’s in Hans’s writing, Hans doesn’t correct him, and Beckmesser gets mad assuming that Hans is entering the competition. This is a big problem for Beck because the great Hans Sachs is the best singer or something and is serious competition. Beckmesser’s all “Aw come on Hans you’re breaking my barrrrs!” So Hans gives Beckmesser the song that Walther just wrote. He just gives it to him. And he warns him that it’s hard to sing so he better be careful. Like that’s Hans’s plan, to have Beckmesser sing Walther’s great song but not practice it enough so he ends up messing up and embarrassing himself. Whaaat a plan.
Then Eva arrives and weirdly so weirdly flirts with Hans. She clearly came looking for Walther, and when she didn’t see him, thought the next best idea was to trick Hans into thinking she came looking for him. She dumb. But then Walther comes downstairs and she like cries out in joy and Hans is like see, you love him, and she is like yeah sorry I played with your heart I got lost in the game oh baby baby. Then David and Magdalena appear, and Hans Sachs promotes David from apprentice to whatever is above that, and also is like hey you two should get married, you have my blessing, which apparently was necessary for a man’s sort-of boss to give back then even though both men are clearly over 50 years old. And then the only fantastic part of the entire thing occurs: All five of these characters sing a beautiful quintet with little to no accompaniment, and the opera should have ended there. It was gorgeous. During the applause after this movement, I actually started gathering my things because I thought it was the end. It should have been. But then there was another hour and a half.
But of course it couldn’t be over – we have to see the festival in its entirety! First, all the guilds in Nuremberg show off their skills and wares. It’s the most random procession. We see different art works on display, and like metalworks I think, and then all of a sudden there are five gigantic soft pretzels on display for judging and one gets a blue ribbon. WHAT IS THIS SHOW. I really wanted a pretzel.
Then the Mastersingers have their competition in front of the entire town. Beckmesser sings the song he got from Hans, but he didn’t practice and has no idea how it’s supposed to go so it’s a huge mess of a thing and it’s really awkward and everyone has fremdschamen which they actually know they have because it’s their word, the Germans.
Beckmesser tells everyone that he didn’t write this crap, that Hans Sachs did. Everyone gasps, they all actually gasp, because erma p, how could the great Hans Sachs’s have written this terrible song? Hans is like, people please, A) I didn’t write it, and B) it’s actually a good song so why not let the guy who wrote it sing it how it’s supposed to be sung? And then Walther sings and everyone realizes he should be a Master and so they make him one and announce him the winner of the competition/young girl and Eva is so happy that she can marry the guy she fell in love with yesterday.
BUT THEN, Walther steps back with Hans Sachs and is like…um…Hans…I changed my mind! I don’t want to be a Master NOR do I want to marry this rando! And Hans, oh my god, Hans gives a speech that actually had me rolling in my seat laughing, not believing what was happening in front of me. Hans Sachs, in an effort to convince Walther to accept his prize (a wife) and to become a member of the Masters guild, sings a prolonged speech about how important it is to be German, to continue German art, and how even art like Walther’s that is different and challenging still has to be performed within the existing culture and framework in order to, well, exist, and that he and everyone and all of Germany need “Germany” like their current system/government in order to make their art, be happy, and live good lives. In order to respect Germany and all the good things Germany has done, Walther needs to marry this girl. And then, just when you think this suddenly North Korean ending can’t get weirder, THE WHOLE CAST PULLS OUT LIFE SIZE CARDBOARD CUTOUTS OF THE FAMOUS GERMANS THAT WERE PICTURED ON THE SHOW CURTAIN, LIKE FROM BEHIND THE ACTORS COME HUGE STANDEES OF GOETHE AND VARIOUS GRIMMS AND OTTO VON BISMARCK AND WHO THE HELL KNOWS AND THAT’S HOW THIS SHOW ENDED AND OH MY GOD IT WAS THE CRAZIEST THING EVER.
There’s one more performance, Tuesday March 10. If you have seven free hours, you should go. Or just catch the ending. Worth it.
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The End of “How I Met Your Mother”, or How To Make A Loyal Fan Angry: F That Noise
I am ANGRY and I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight! So instead I am going to discuss the cause of my ANGER with you and I hope that you agree or better yet have ways to help me get rid of this ANGER so I can get some rest. BUT OH MYLANTA WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TONIGHT?? The great-for-so-many-years-but-weak-for-a-few-there television show of our generation, “How I Met Your Mother”, ended its 9-year-run tonight. It could have gone the “Friends” route and bestowed lovely happy endings unto our beloved characters at the expense of laughter, but instead it presented horrible, awful, anger-inducing endings at the expense of laughter. F that noise.
Freal this is me. Breathing…breathle–Heaving breath…heaving breaths…
For 9 years, this show convinced us that Ted and “Aunt Robin” were not supposed to be together. For 9 years, we eagerly and anxiously awaited the introduction of Ted’s true love, the Mother, hoping that she would be everything we, and Ted, hoped for. (She was.) For 9 years, we knew that this Mother was the real deal, Ted’s soulmate, serving as a counterpoint to Robin, who proved time and again that she was only right as Ted’s friend, nothing more. For about 5 years, we were made to love and ‘ship Barney and Robin, and we did, because they were awesome together, with their overhead high-fives and nerves of steel. But in one shittastic literally mind-blowing (as in my mind is exploding, literally) hour, the entire foundation of the show collapsed and we were left with a finale that seemed like it matched the pilot episode yet no other episode in the series. Like everything was a waste. I am ANGRY. Ted and Robin are not supposed to be together.
As a small note, I did appreciate that the entire show was Ted telling his kids about their deceased mother. It definitely makes more sense as a framing device, even though it’s unbearably sad. But it should have ended like that, as a lovely and touching tribute to the love of Ted’s life. It shouldn’t have been an excuse for him to move on to Robin ‘finally’. It cheapens the relationship with the Mother. Not that we saw ANY of that.
As a small note, I did appreciate that the entire show was Ted telling his kids about their deceased mother. It definitely makes more sense as a framing device, even though it’s unbearably sad. But it should have ended like that, as a lovely and touching tribute to the love of Ted’s life. It shouldn’t have been an excuse for him to move on to Robin ‘finally’. It cheapens the relationship with the Mother. Not that we saw ANY of that.
Things I liked:
- Lily, unable to handle a goodbye hug, asking Ted for an E.T. goodbye (Ted’s finger meeping to Lily’s forehead), and saying “Thanks that helped; it was creepy and I don’t want to see you for a while.” Like she was reading our thoughts for 90% of the series. But it was cute.
- Mother/Tracy: “When I get married I want to kind of fit in my dress…[hint hint].” Lily: “What’s going on?” Barney: “She’s getting a boob job!!!”
- Playing “Murder Train” at Robots v. Wrestlers!! Amazing; hurrah for some continuity that isn’t about that damned French horn.
- Ted: “I’ve got a castle guy!” Barney: “I’ve got like three castle guys.”
- Cristin Milioti was so winning, it’s such a shame they didn’t use her more. But her few scenes over the past few months, and tonight, have been the best.
Things that made me go hmm:
- Lily’s 2017-2018 bangs.
- The Mother’s crappy wedding dress. If they had the money for a French castle wedding complete with stallions and a hot-air balloon, they could have afforded a dress in a quality material. It’s impossible to use a half-loop stitching on low-viscosity rayon. It would snag the fabric.
- Dumb: Barney and Ted’s high-five to echo throughout eternity. Waste of a few precious minutes. Not that time was well spent tonight.
- Marshall: “Hey you kids, do you have any idea what happened in this very bar?…All kinds of stuff.” What a great set-up of a line that ended with a disappointing fizzle, like a balloon deflating. Should have and could have been amazing and moving, if Marshall just said something simple but not dumb, like, “…Everything.”
Things that are making me a red-faced merkit:
- Everything felt slow. The old lady at Farhampton station got more screen time, and lines, than Robin and the Mother combined. Sure sure. Good decision.
- Robin alone in the empty apartment should have been a tearjerker (a la the “Friends” finale) but it wasn’t. What a shame. Though Lily’s little face sobbing in that scene was very sad. But Lily’s little face is the best.
- Barney has a love child. I’m glad he gets to have the child he always wanted, but the baby mama doesn’t matter? We don’t meet her? he has no relationship with her? What.
- Robin and Barney getting divorced. What in the EVERLASTING TUCK. We waited years, and then had to put up with this entire season taking place over their wedding weekend, only to have their marriage last five minutes. Epic fail.
- The Mother actually died. Like I said, I appreciate this twist as a really sensible framing reveal that makes the show as a whole a whole lot more meaningful. Doesn’t mean I like it.
- Ted going after Robin. Sure guys, realize 1000-times over that you aren’t right for each other…for FIRST marriages! Wait till your wife dies/you get divorced and THEN you can be each other’s secondsees! Ok! WHAT A FABULOUS ENDING.
The series should have ended when Ted and Tracy were talking under the yellow umbrella at Farhampton station. That would have been lovely. It would have almost made up for the Barney and Robin shitstorm. This show of course was about the 5 best friends, but it was also supposed to be about how Ted met the kids’ Mother, not about how he outlasted her so he could then guiltlessly go after Robin in middle age. When I watch my beloved reruns of this often wonderful show, I’m going to rewrite this ending.
The Cast & Cameos of Tick, Tick…Boom! and Why You Know Them (or Should)
By now, you may have recovered normal hydration levels after crying all weekend from the glorious movie musical ‘Tick, Tick…Boom!’, now on Netflix. A musical theatre adaptation for the ages, ‘Tick, Tick…Boom!’, Lin-Manuel Miranda’s directorial debut and a copyeditor’s nightmare (I think it’s official ‘tick, tick…BOOM!’?? nothx), is the rare passion project that is as undeniably compelling for the general public as it is fervent in its appreciation and respect for a relatively niche genre. The lovingly created film paints a fully provocative, engrossing portrait of the late Jonathan Larson, the musical theatre composer who created two incredible lasting works before an untimely death, the devastation of which has threatened to define his legacy more than his brilliant creations. Lin’s (we’re on a first-name basis btw) directorial debut is spellbinding. He treats Larson’s life story, as told through Larson’s painstaking creation of what would eventually be ‘Tick, Tick…Boom’ the stage show, as only another such creator could, fully understanding the desperation, the hope, the single-minded devotion, the heartache.
The resulting film is one so fine that it is generating tons of Oscar buzz, which the fuckers rarely give to deserving movie musicals. Those of us who have known and loved the musical TTB for years are completely satisfied with this careful and meticulous adaptation, and those who are brand-new to it join us as die-hard fans. (At least the ones I know have. Or they know better than to tell me otherwise.) And we are all left adoring this excellent film about the creative process and what artists sacrifice for their craft, about this man and all the brilliance spilling out of him, and above all about our love for musical theatre.
This last part is evidenced in all aspects of the film, and not least by the people onscreen. Lin brought out the big guns for this one. His rolodex is probably the sickest one on the planet. The musical theatre legends, the exciting up and coming talent, and the beloved performers of all ages and bio lengths who fill the screen in roles big and small and miniscule (no small parts!) act as a treat for musical theatre lovers who amid crying over how great Andrew Garfield is and how wonderful the music sounds and how beautifully the story weaving was done can shout ‘OH MY GOD THAT’S _!!!’ over and over to the delight (not delight) of anyone watching with them. In February, when we do our gigantic pre-Oscars movie review roundup, I’ll talk more about this masterpiece, but today I’m here to go through the faces we saw and what we know them from.
Main Cast
Jonathan Larson: Andrew Garfield
What you know him from: Winning a Tony Award for Angels in America, Hacksaw Ridge and other great movies, Spider-Man and other spidery movies. Also he’s Jewish; we love that.
Michael: Robin de Jesus
What you know him from: Originating the role of Sonny in In the Heights on Broadway (‘chillax! you know you lumme’ I DO LUM YOU) (p.s. In the Heights is the other best movie of 2021 these are facts); being the best part of several other Broadway shows like the Douglas Hodge La Cage. Last seen in Ryan Murphy’s Netflix adaptation of The Boys in the Band. He was also Michael in the amazing theatre-kid cult movie Camp, which I hate to tell you is almost 20 years old (gasp!).
Roger: Joshua Henry
What you know him from: Billy Bigelow in the last revival of Carousel; making his name on Broadway in American Idiot, The Scottsboro Boys (ugh talk about crying and deserving more acclaim), being the best part of Violet with Sutton Foster which is saying something since she was perfect, being part of the spellbindingly-cast-but-not-as-strong-as-it-should-have-been Shuffle Along.
Carolyn: MJ Rodriguez
What you know her from: the lead of Pose, baby! How good is Pose! How good is she on it! We cry so much!
Susan: Alexandra Shipp
What you know her from: Straight Outta Compton, the Aaliyah movie.
Karessa: Vanessa Hudgens
What you know her from: being a teen star? Gigi on Broadway (lol), Grease! Live on NBC, Rent Live. She loves doing live stuff! Fun fact: I have never seen High School Musical. I know. Not by choice, I just haven’t gotten around to it in 25 years or whatever. Funner fact: I have watched High School Musical: The Musical: The Series, which I enjoy.
Freddy: Ben Levi Ross
What you know him from: He was one of the Evan Hansen replacements on Broadway.
Ira: Jonathan Marc Sherman
What you know him from: He’s a playwright first and foremost, most recently having written Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice, which played off-Broadway and starred Jennifer Damiano and Michael Zegen (we love them).
Diner patrons in the opening number, 30/90 (what a bop right???)
Roger Bart
What you know him from: being the super creepy evil pharmacist on Desperate Housewives (I still remember how scary!), winning a Tony for You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown; The Producers; Young Frankenstein (frahnkenSHTEEN). Currently playing Doc Brown in London’s Back to the Future musical. Fun fact: He’s the singing voice of Hercules in the amazing animated movie. HE CAN GO THE DISTAAAANCE.
James C. Nicola: long (LONG) time artistic director of the New York Theatre Workshop.
Party scene
Scott the finance guy: Ryan Vasquez
What you know him from: Before being absolutely hysterical in this movie (I mean, he is us, those of us not professionally in theatre who geek out over it wholeheartedly), Vasquez was in the original cast of Waitress and has apparently played literally every male role in Hamilton.
Fun fact (this shit is FULL OF FUN FACTS! SO FUN!): The R&B ish song playing on the boom box as Jonathan and Susan go down into the bone zone is ‘Green Green Dress’, a song from the stage version of TTB cut for the film but I believe included on the film soundtrack with a full version by Garfield and Shipp. This version in this scene is sung by Joshua Henry!
Michael’s fancy pants building
I’m sure there are lots more famouses in this scene but I could not make out their faces.
Concierge: Luis Miranda
What you know him from: being Lin’s dad, being my mom’s biggest crush (I know and she has a lot), lots of great political work, also waving to Nina in ‘Breathe’ in In the Heights movie (Lin will put his dad in everything and we’re not mad).
Doorman: Chris Sullivan
What you know him from: One of several members of Freestyle Love Supreme in this movie! He’s the one known as Shockwave. I wish I had a cool nickname. Anyway thanks to the person who corrected me since I got my Chrises Sullivan mixed up!
Parking attendant: Andrew Bancroft
What you know him from: More Freestyle Love Supreme!
Writing workshop
OKAY this is where I started really screaming. EVERYONE sitting in this room is a musical theatre creative, and I LOVE that Lin did that, solidifying that this movie and TTB in general is so much for the people it’s about. I’m not going to pretend I recognized everyone (I’m sorry but I would not know Georgia Stitt by face) but these are the ones I did yell about. If you knew all of them, bravaaa.
Jason Robert Brown: composer of all my faves, like The Bridges of Madison County, The Last Five Years, Parade, Songs for a New World. Also 13 (fun fact I sat in the front row of the first Broadway preview LIKE A NERD) and is friends with Ariana Grande as a result.
Alex Lacamoire: known for being the right-hand man of Lin when it comes to his orchestrations and generally being the best ever. Orchestrator of In the Heights, Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen, also this movie!
Shaina Taub: composer of the great musical version of Twelfth Night; friends with my friend from Hebrew school.
Dave Malloy: MY BOY DAVE! Wild & Crazy composer of Natasha, Pierre, & the Great Comet of 1812 and other wild & crazy works like Moby Dick (SO COOL), Ghost Quartet, Octet, Preludes, and of course the f-ing nutty Beardo, which is about Rasputin, don’t forget that one.
Stephen Schwartz: composer of Godspell (which gets a hilarious shoutout later in the film), Wicked, Pippin. What a dude.
Who lives who dies Jeannine Tesori: composer of Fun Home; Caroline or Change; Violet; Thoroughly Modern Millie. A legend.
Tom Kitt: Seems very tall; Tony- and Pulitzer-winning composer of my beloved Next to Normal. Oh man, Next to Normal, guys. Also wrote Bring It On! the musical with Lin, and If/Then, which was good-not-great but has one of my favorite shower singing songs (IF WE’RE ALWAYS! STARTING OVER!)
Quiara Allegria Hudes: book writer of In the Heights the musical, screenwriter for ITH the movie, also is from Philly so COME THROUGH QUIARA.
Richard Kind: Uncle Richard as we call him. I mean, you know him from everything. He’s the greatest ever. Currently being hysterical with every single word he utters as Andrew’s father on Big Mouth.
Bradley Whitford as Stephen Sondheim
What you know him from: The West Wing, being Bradley Whitford, aging amazingly.
Hilarious music video
H.A.W.K. Smooth: Tariq Trotter
What you know him from: He’s Black Thought from The Roots. Yes Philly!
Sunday number at the diner
This is the part where musical theatre lovers wept tears of pure joy, and where everyone else became a musical theatre lover. This. Was. EVERYTHING. Everyone in that diner is a theatre legend. LEDGE.
Line cook: Lin-Manuel Miranda
Yes, the director himself. My husband heard his voice to start the scene and said ‘oh that’s Lin!’ before they showed his face. So proud, so lucky. Can you IMAGINE being in the audience of Les Mis when he did the voice at the barricade that one time?
Patrons:
Joel Grey
What you know him from: originating the emcee role in Cabaret on Broadway and recreating it for the movie, and winning an Oscar for it. The original wizard in Wicked, Moonface Martin in the unmatched 2011 Anything Goes! revival. That one amazing episode of Star Trek Voyager that made me cry.
Howard McGillin
What you know him from: the longest running Phantom in Phantom of the Opera
Chuck Cooper
What you know him from: winning a Tony for The Life. MY SISTER WAS A PROS…
Phylicia Rashad
What you know her from: I mean…do I have to say it.
Beth Malone
What you know her from: originating the role of Big Alison in Fun Home on Broadway — the costume from which she is wearing in this scene!!!! best! You may also know her from the best Best Actress in a Musical announcement at the Tonys that year, when Kelli O’Hara finally won and all the other nominees, shown in their little boxes, were clearly so happy for her, it was the sweetest ever.
Andre de Shields
What you know him from: Hermes in Broadway’s Hadestown, giving one of the best Tony acceptance speeches ever, talking to me about sweet potatoes after one of the London performances and I wish we were best friends.
Brian Stokes Mitchell. STOKES.
What you know him from: having wheels of a dream in Ragtime; Tony Award for Kiss Me, Kate; Man of La Mancha; having THAT FUCKING VOICE.
Bebe Neuwirth
What you know her from: Cheers/Frasier, revival of Chicago. That incredible episode of Will & Grace playing herself.
Renee Elise Goldsberry
What you know her from: Angelica Schuyler in Hamilton; original Nettie in The Color Purple; the final Mimi in Rent on Broadway, so she’s the one in the Rent Live filmed production, which I was in the audience for!!! It was THE BEST! We went nuts after the finale and ovated for like 30 minutes and then they were like ‘we have to do it again!’
Phillipa Soo
What you know her from: breaking Lin’s heart so good in Natasha, Pierre, & the Great Comet of 1812 off-Broadway that he cast her as Elizabeth Schuyler in Hamilton.
Bernadette Peters
What you know her from: Sunday in the Park with George (I mean, if you are IN THE SHOW that the characters are watching in this movie reverently that’s just…everything); Song & Dance; Into the Woods; A Little Night Music; Follies; Hello, Dolly!; being in the best film version of Annie; being Sondheim’s muse? being so lucky? having the best hair? Broadway Barks?
Chita Rivera: I mean, it’s Chita Rivera. Original stage Anita in West Side Story; the chief cook and bottle washer in The Rink; Kiss of the Spider Woman; original Velma Kelly in Chicago; original Rosie in Bye Bye Birdie; scary scary sexy robot lady in the musical adaptation of The Visit; Fosse’s film version of Sweet Charity. Ledge.
The 3 bums:
Daphne Rubin-Vega, Adam Pascal, Wilson Jermaine Heredia, from the original cast of Rent
Jonathan’s workshop cast
Aneesa Folds
What you know her from: another Freestyle Love Supremer! they are so talented I wanna barf.
Kate Rockwell
What you know her from: the best part of Mean Girls the musical (‘My name is Karen. I may not be smart…that’s it.’)
Gizel Jimenez
What you know her from: has been in Wicked, Avenue Q. Really enjoyed her in this I want to see her onstage!
Joel Perez
What you know him from: the original cast of Fun Home. So many of them in this!
In the extended workshop cast shown in the Sextet
Janet Dacal
What you know her from: original Carla in In the Heights! long as he keeps it clean! ay dios mio!
Kenita R. Miller
What you know her from: the best part of the flawless Once on this Island Tony-winning revival. HOT HOLY GODDAMN that show was incredible and she revolutionized her track.
The woman who buys Jonathan’s records for $50 and makes hilarious Godspell jokes
Joanna Adler
What you know her from: lots of off-Broadway work but probably most recognizable as Summer’s mother in School of Rock
The hilarious focus group
Leader: Laura Benanti
What you know her from: Gypsy, My Fair Lady, Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, stealing scenes in Sound of Music Live, being hilarious, the name my dad guesses every time a song starts on Sirius Broadway.
Micaela Diamond
What you know her from: The Cher Show on Broadway, playing the youngest Cher
Danielle Ferland
What you know her from: OG Little Red in Into the Woods!!! omg she grew up
Utkarsh Ambudkar
What you know him from: Freestyle Love Supreme, the rapper in the boy group in Pitch Perfect (hey you! with the eeeyes), Mindy’s brother on The Mindy Project
Jonathan’s parents
Danny Burstein
What you know him from: consistently gifting us amazing performances on Broadway. The Drowsy Chaperone, Luther Billis in the Kelli/Szot South Pacific, heartbreaking in Follies, Cabaret, a wonderful Tevye in 2016. Recently winning a Tony for Moulin Rouge. Being king of the adorables.
Judy Kuhn
What you know her from: original Broadway Cosette in Les Mis, Chess, singing voice of Pocahontas so the version of ‘Colors of the Wind’ that isn’t Vanessa Williams, Alison’s mom in Fun Home, Golde in Fiddler last year on the West End.
Jonathan’s agent: Judith Light
What you know her from: You know her from Who’s the Boss?, I know her from spending one summer when I lived in NYC somehow being on the exact same theatre schedule as her with seats always near each other and after a few weeks we were like wtf??? who is stalking who?
Louder than Words cameos
Jelani Alladin, when they cut to Michael the Jesus in the audience at “why so many people bleed”
What you know him from: originating Kristoff in Frozen on Broadway
Chris Jackson making SERIOUS FACE and sitting in front of Sondheim Whitford
What you know him from: original Benny in In the Heights, original George Washington in Hamilton
What my baby nephew knows him from: Mr Softee in the In the Heights movie, whose ‘tuck is boken downnn’; video upon request.
Extra treat: When Jonathan sings “what does it take to wake up a generation/how can you make someone take off and fly’, they show a split-second black & white image of the original cast of Rent. Just in case you weren’t sobbing uncontrollably already.
Obviously I didn’t get everyone and I have poor vision so shout out those I missed in the comments! and your favorite part of the movie!
