Gilmore Girls “A Year in the Life”: "Spring" Has Destroyed the Spring In My Stepby Randi / December 2, 2016
Hoo boy, was ‘Summer’ a doozy. I experienced a roller coaster of emotions – I was angry, I was sad, I was even angrier, I was frustrated – and that’s all directed at the Palladinos. We learned something new and super annoying about the Palladinos, or as I’ll now call them, the Tweedledee and Tweedledinos, from this episode: They hate millennials. Yup, the people who created one of the most beloved and important shows of this much-maligned generation also believe all the very stupid and baseless bullshit spread about millennials – that they’re lazy good-for-nothings who all end up back living with their parents because of their own bad decisions. They are like those idiots who believe that the fact that millennials can’t buy a house at age 25 from a median-income 9-5 job like their grandparents could is their own fault, and not, as it is, the fault of those grandparents. Nothing is more ignorant and, really, basic than uninformed derision of millennials. Conclusion, the Palladinos are basic bitches.
But first, let’s start at the very beginning of the episode. Just seconds after we were notified that this episode was, like Spring, written and directed by Daniel “FFS” Palladino, we were reminded of yet another really terrible trait of the Tweedledinos: they love to fat shame. Like, love it. I really needed this episode to do a lot of heavy lifting to redeem the revival after Spring’s mess, so to be so quickly reminded of their ‘90s-era lame humor seemed to be accompanied by a cartoon ‘womp wahhhh.’ As we see time and time again, Amy and Dan love making fun of vegetarians and fat people – two of the lamest kinds of stale ‘jokes’. To have Summer start with more of their outdated, offensive, lazy, tired humor was such a disappointment. Is it irony that their humor is what they falsely think millennials are – lazy and tired? Or just annoying and embarrassing for them?
At first glance, the opening scene seems promising – everyone is splashing and rollicking at the Stars Hollow pool (which is a thing!) and it looks so fun and omg it’s so cold here I really miss summer and pools! Then we focus on Lorelai and Rory lounging by the pool with hats and sunglasses and attractive summery clothes (not bathing suits), talking fast about…how dumb people are for wanting to swim? Wait, I really don’t buy this. They go on and on about how to get to the pool, you have to walk there in the sun, which is hot, which makes no sense if the purpose of the pool is to avoid the heat, and if the other purpose is to cool off in water, they should stay home and take a bath. Oh my goodness. I think this is a new conversational low point. Remember when their first conversation of the revival was about Goop? I miss those days. I fully and completely object to the idea that they would be anti-pool to such an extent that they question why people enjoy pools. Wtf. I liked how they finished each other’s sentences but that’s about it. And just when you think this scene can only improve, they start saying ‘belly watch!’ when fat people walk by. Oh the fat shaming is both shameful and not quick. What lazy humor, Dan. Shame. SHAAAAME.
Okay, now the crappy stuff must be over, right? But alas. Andrew comes over to the girls and says how he’s glad Rory’s ‘back’, to which Rory argues ‘I’m not back’. Then Lane and Zack come over and Zack says the same thing. (Lane shows what a good friend she is by immediately saying ‘She’s not back’, knowing that’s what Rory would want.) Again Rory protests ‘I’m not back!’ Because being back living in her mother’s house – which she is doing – would be embarrassing? Would mean she’s a failure? No, it doesn’t at all, and it’s super common nowadays because our generation has been given a destroyed system that adds insult to injury by having older generations blame us for what they wreaked. But having Rory so vehemently oppose the idea of people thinking she’s back shows that that’s exactly what she thinks and what the show’s universe and creators think. Fie on them for perpetuating this ignorant belief that should be relegated to the province of old white congressmen only.
Zack looks like Santa Claus.
Okay, NOW the crappy stuff must be over right? Right? HOLY SHIT ALL THE PREVIOUS AWFULNESS HATH BEQUEATHED THE WORST AWFULNESS OF ALL, APRIL! NOOOOOOO! Okay, breathe. We knew she was coming, we knew. It’s just that after a fully loaded 2 minutes of this episode, chock full of as many trite jokes and insulting platitudes that can be crammed into 2 minutes, to have April show up before we even reach the 3 minute mark is like a stress test gone berserk.
April and Rory talk about how great M.I.T. is and how much they love beakers and Bunsen burners and clamps (?), and I realize two things that kind of suck: a) how it would have been nice back in season 6 if instead of using April as a plot device to drive Luke and Lorelai apart, they had L&L bond further over having such similar daughters, and b) April sucks.
She goes on about how she only watches German silent films (I don’t know anyone who ever went through that phase) and yells at Luke that the Constitution says she can pierce her nose (same Constitution those republicans seems to be looking at) and then, worst of all, doesn’t get Lorelai’s jokes. Now the Woody Allen quote I’ll give her a pass on, because Woody Allen is a disgusting paedophile, so disgusting that I’m giving him the British spelling and saying it in my head like Ted Mosby. But to not laugh at the greatest Lorelai line in so long is unforgivable: When April claims she spoke to BLE Noam Chomsky (best linguist ever), Lorelai says, “Ah. To Noam is to love him” and I CACKLED. April just looked confused. I mean, that was the best line!
I noticed at this point that Luke is, and has been, acting like Upside Down Luke. It’s him, but like…not. He refuses to have conversations. He refuses to talk with Lorelai about finances and about how much he’s paying for April to do whatever she wants. You have to have those conversations, Luke! He just shuts Lorelai down crankily and that’s that. I want to Cher-in-Moonstruck him and shake him out of whatever grumpy funk he’s in. But he doesn’t seem like the adorably grumpy guy he used to be; he just seems like an unpleasant ass. And that’s not Luke. I don’t really understand why they have him acting completely devoid of emotion, of love, of kindness in this episode and in Spring, unless it’s to lead up to something that is going to be very disagreeable. I guess we know that’s coming, but to have Luke’s lovable character completely altered in this negative way does not feel true to the show, or to him.
I do love that he forgets so much about the TV show they’re watching (“The Returned”) that he says “Oh yeah these people live in this small town, right?” and Lorelai prompts “…and some of them are dead…” and he has completely forgotten that part. That’s the one very Luke thing in hours of revival so far.
No time to dwell on how the dream is dead because April decides to continue the conversation about how Rory is back home and how she too could fail like Rory and be spit out by the world and then she has an anxiety attack to mirror the one she gave me. April’s also wearing a rasta knit hat. I’m gonna need M.I.T. grad Bean to report to us on whether M.I.T. students wore those hats.
As almost a reflex when she’s dealing with the sads, Rory calls Logan for comfort, but learns that her affianced adulterer of a beau is now – what a gd surprise – living with the fiancée heiress. Instead of both of these morons realizing that maybe they should end their affair, they talk about what hotels Rory can stay in when she visits. Rory at least seems upset about having to stay in a hotel, but it’s probably not for a good reason like she’s coming to terms with her immorality but more likely because she doesn’t like the room service at the Savoy or she knows that Amber Riley’s unstoppable belting will travel up to her floor and keep her up at night.
Nope, they decide they’ll still see each other. Cool guys.
Yay a town meeting! With Carole King back as music shoppe owner Sophie! I love her even though it’s weird that she’s no longer singing the theme song because, sadly, the revival just starts, with no musical opening, which I strongly disagree with. Oh no. Oh no. The entire start of the meeting is about how Rory is back and how she should join up with ‘the 30-something gang’ of all the Hollow offspring who had to move back in with their parents and they go bowling and stuff. I’m offended in so many ways by this continued mockery, Daniel, and the suggestion that people in my age group enjoy bowling so much is not the least of it.
Why is there so much gd Bootsie in this episode yet we haven’t seen Patty in forever?! Bootsie sucks. I’m not okay with this lack of Patty at the town meetings – which are held in her own dance studio. There’s been a lot of Babette, and I adore Babette, but it’s almost too much of her, like they gave her all the time allotted for both Babette and Patty. Why isn’t Liz Torres doing more? Is she sick? Don’t be sick!
The next order of business at the town meeting is one I am fully behind – Taylor wants to put on a town musical! This is such an obvious plot device to cover up the Tweedledinos lack of good story ideas otherwise, but I don’t care because a musical! A musical! I am psyched. It’s going to be terrible, isn’t it? Yessss.
Nice to see that Stars Hollow now has roughly 6 people of color finally.
The last order of business is a new plot line for Rory that doesn’t involve adultery! How novel! The Stars Hollow Gazette is shutting down, not due to lack of funding or anything reasonable, but just because the editor is retiring. And because Taylor likes to do dumb things, the newspaper is shutting down instead of finding a new editor. Obviously, Rory cannot abide ending such a bastion of journalistic integrity/good coupons, and we can see the passionate fire of an extremely weak child trying to rub together two rocks growing inside her.
Before we see Rory save journalism as this series always told us she was born to do, we go back to the pool. Oh joy. Did I mention how they hired two little boys to hold parasols over them? I feel so bad for these little boys. It’s so hot out and they just want to play! It’s summer! But instead they have to listen to Lorelai and Rory do, what, plantation humor? as they talk in ‘humorous’ southern accents about how good their little servants are. Oof. And then more body shaming. Cool guys!
As the little boys trail behind the Girls, lugging all their crap, they see other kids playing and say, ‘That looks like fun.’ It’s not particularly funny, just sad, but I don’t see the point of including this at all unless it’s to show us that the Girls are horrible people. And while we know that they can be indeed horrible, I don’t believe that Daniel would want us to think that! Does he hate them? Is he throwing the game? It’s just so unnecessary unless he wants to spread hate. Which, to be fair, is so like him.
Yasss musical auditions!! The happiest time of year! Here’s Patty finally, handling the sign-up sheet with Babette. Her trademark lasciviousness seems almost forced, as her lewd comments to all the hot men are no longer funny but awkward. Her spark is lessened. Did all her amazing energy come from her old body? I did enjoy Babette’s “It says your name is Kevin but I’m going to call you…tomorrow.” Classic old lady line!
I cannot abide all the talk about how Sutton Foster played a character named Kinky Boots. As Lorelai points out, there is no character named Kinky Boots. As sadly NO ONE points out, there is no main role for women in the entire show. In fact, Sutton wouldn’t be right for any female role in the show, so this bothered me a whole lot. At least Kerry Butler/therapist Claudia is finally going to do something on this show she’s good at – sing! And while she talks to Lorelai about needing a good word put in for her (um you don’t you’re amazing), Sutton Foster is singing my favorite song to sing from ‘South Pacific’!!! What a great 40 seconds this was! Kerry sings too and was in such good voice. Slay queens.
Rory finally asks Taylor to let her save the Gazette, which, okay, this is a decent plot line for her. At least she’s writing. But apparently it is an unpaid position? Or when they said the salary was nothing did they mean in figurative terms? Because that’s b.s. otherwise. She does take a lot of scotch from the editor’s desk though. Maybe she likes getting paid in scotch. Insert happy shouting here for casting the great hilarious Jackie Hoffman as one of the Gazette staffers!
Okay now we have to talk about the most disturbing part of the revival, maybe the most disturbing thing ever on television. Guys. What the hell is going on with this little girl? She is either Alien Learning to Assimilate to Humans By Only Watching Old Cartoons Where Facial Expressions Didn’t Change, or Worst Child Actor in History. I realize I am bashing a child but I can live with it. I cannot tolerate this performance. Seriously, what is happening here? This Boy Statue is holding I’m guessing a phone, completely stationary, and Alien/Worst is just grinning like a fool LIKE A FOOL for wayyy too long than is necessary to make whatever point about Aliens/Terrible Child Actors they’re trying to make here. Michel and Lorelai could have thrown down on the reception desk and instantaneously conceived and birthed a centaur and I would not have been able to look away from this Medusa’s head of a child’s face.
After Michel gave these little monsters lollipops, he had the greatest line of the whole episode:
Michel: “On a scale of 1-10 how much did I sound like a child molester?”
Lorelai: “6?”
Michel: “Getting better!”
Omg so wrong and it made me think of this best scene from “Peep Show”.
Michel asks Lorelai to drinks that night so they can talk, which feels ominous, and Lorelai feels it too. Seems like her fears about Michel leaving were well founded. Cool that she had all that support from Luke about it. As Lorelai walks away, Michel turns to check in a family, and we see what we never in a million years could have guessed would ever happen on this show: for one shot, the four people onscreen are all black, and that is awesome. Now that that’s over, “GG” will quickly return to its position as Whitest Show in TV history.
One thing that Daniel did very well here is to call back to the town meeting from ‘Winter’ or ‘Spring’, when Babette shouted something about the ‘secret bar’ in town, which we never previously heard anything about. Well, that’s where Lorelai and Michel go for their drink! I adore how they set it up, with the space looking like any regular, popular, lounge-y speakeasy space, Lane and Zack playing their instruments softly in the corner, Lorelai making terrible jokes, all normal, until a few shouts of “Five-oh! Five-oh!” (like Hawaii?) ring out from outside and everyone blows out their candles, grabs their drinks, folds up their tables and chairs, and stands flat against the wall in the dark. Then Taylor walks by – and sees nothing. I loved this reveal that this was the secret bar!!
So the news is that Michel is indeed leaving, for the W Hotel so he can run a spa like he was born to, and get paid more like he deserves but the Dragonfly can’t afford. I loved his defense of needing more money: “We have a baby on the way! Well I think Frederic ordered one, I have to check.”
Grumpy Luke is even grumpier as he prepares Burger Day at the Inn. WHY IS HE STILL COOKING AT THE INN? Can’t someone tell Lorelai just to hire a f-ing new chef? I cannot stand new mean Luke but I fully understand his grumpiness in this scene. But I would prefer he actually learn to communicate with Lorelai and tell her she’s being unprofessional by refusing to, you know, run her business.
Back at the Gazette offices (at night? These oldsters have to sleep, Rory!), Taylor apparently thinks he’s the editor and is preening his feathers like he owns the place. I guess as official King of the Hollow, Taylor does also run this, but if Rory’s not getting paid can’t she just kick him out? So annoying. We get a good few minutes of hilarioussss jokes about how old the computer system is. Why does this have to be a terrible experience for Rory? Why couldn’t this be her big return to running a newspaper? I hope it just means that something better awaits her in the next episode, professionally.
With zero help from her staff about wtf happens at this paper, Rory has to deliver the newspapers herself, by foot. She and Lorelai run around town in a delivery montage and fight about which part of town is east and which is west, while ‘These Boots are Made for Walking’ plays, and it’s all kind of dumb and blah, and then Doyle calls Rory, and honestly, I have never been happier to see Doyle! He is such a good character. In classic form, he complains that Rory butchered his movie review that he submitted to the Gazette – because she had to trim the original 20,000+ words he wrote. I like the insinuation that writing terrible screenplays would have lessened his sharp editing skills. And I love what a good friend he is that despite his success, and despite his divorce from Paris, he still helps out Rory. Decent guy.
I’m going to ignore the mid-montage inclusion of the 30-something gang and the continued mockery of this demographic and their love of Paul Thomas Anderson because it is painful, offensive, and trite.
After her papers are all delivered, Rory calls Emily, at noon, and Emily is still sleeping, and isn’t sure what day it is. She’s completely out of it, seemingly sick if not totaled by depression. Guys, if they decide to kill Emily Gilmore, I will revolt. I will riot in the streets. That would not only be horribly sad but it’s also just lazy storytelling! Get a better idea, Tweedles! Don’t kill her!
Finally, we made it to the musical! You’d think considering that most of this blog is musical reviews this is the part I’d be really qualified to write about. But holy mother of god, this was (luckily) like nothing I’ve ever seen. Omg! It’s so off its rocker while also being kind of funny and mostly just bad, but in a way that accurately lampoons bad musical decisions. It stars Broadway ledges Sutton Foster and Christian Borle, who have four Tonys between them and lots more nominations. Suffice it to say, they’re among the best of the best, so if you are unfamiliar with them, know that their performances here were CLEARLY DIRECTED to be terrible. But great still. But terrible.
Workin on buildin workin on buildin STAAAARS HOLLOW!
Obviously, the musical was painfully horrible, and the music and lyrics were worse than the Hugh Grant movie of the same name. But so much of it was bad in a funny way (despite the pain) and so many terrible decisions – like the standard tap moves that turned into a kickline – were on the nose for making fun of what bad musicals usually do. It was meta. Some lyrics cracked my shit up:
“We met so awfully cute
And you were ripe and curvy
You brought me a crown* of citrus fruits
Which I hoped would cure your scurvy”
*it sounded like crown and I refuse to listen to that again so we’re going with crown
“We’ll have 14 kids and hope that 3 will survive!”
The best was Babette whispering to Gypsy “The guy is hot.” And also the apparent relationship between Tom (the Dragonly contractor) and Carole King! I want to see that storyline! I loved the random shout of “Lafayette!” in the Revolutionary Time song, and thought it would be great if that was as close as the show got to referencing ‘Hamilton’ – makes fans think of it, but it’s not being annoying by actually saying flat out “we’re referencing Hamilton!”, and it can be easily ignored as not a reference at all (it prob isn’t!). But, of course, I gave Daniel too much credit, because a minute later a third actor came onstage and started rapping. His first words were literally “Look I’m rapping, just like Hamilton on Broadway”. I mean. That’s not even funny. It literally hurt me to watch. I sacrifice so much for you. This is agitating my sciatica so much. $100 says the Tweedledinos never saw ‘Hamilton’, p.s. They can’t get tickets.
The only ONLY good part of that piece of shit section is that the guy actually said ‘Lin-Manuel’ in his horrible rap, and now I cannot wait for Lin, who JUST started watching Gilmore Girls, like season 1, last week, to catch up and see that he’s mentioned. Can you imagine how weird that would be, to get into a TV show and then have them reference you? So weird.
Christian Borle was SO into the finale that I kind of loved it! And Sam Pancake’s faces throughout the musical were pretty amazing. I mean, overall, I may have loved all of it (except the rapping/Ham reference). It was so freaking perfect to end with ABBA playing and forcing the audience to stand up and dance and clap because I DESPISE when shows do that – they force you to give an undeserved standing ovation! That’s the whole trick! And all the oldsters love dancing and clapping along to songs from their youth, so they leave the theatre on a high and forget how shitty the show was. Oldest trick in the book (since jukebox musicals happened). So it was quite perfect that they included it here as yet another aspect that had Lorelai (the only voice of reason in the room) roll her eyes almost out of her head.
Ugh and then they talked more about Hamilton. No way on earth that Taylor knows who RZA is. Omg they just keep talking about it! Ughhhh. The entire post-show session with the advisory committee is soo infuriating. Lorelai raises legitimate concerns – like the fact that the female character apparently has sex 26 times in the show – and the rest of the group just calls her a prude. Maddening. To top off this whole shitty post-show, Carole King’s Sophie says that she’s written a few songs that the show could include – and she gets up and plays ‘I Feel the Earth Move’, which Taylor hates. Oh come on. This is dumb.
Luckily, all that b.s. ends with a cut to Emily hosting a DAR meeting. And guys, we have a new DAR member – BARB FROM COUGAR TOWN! Oh my god I literally screamed BARB!! Apparently she is playing the exact same character. Revel in her glory, especially the last scene:
Back at the Stars Hollow Gazette, Rory twiddles her thumbs while she waits for the only thing that gives her life purpose – her ex-boyfriends. And with that, Jess Mariano waltzes into the offices. A really, really buff Jess. Rory introduces him to the two staffers, and Jackie Hoffman, comic genius, says “I remember you. Punk.” And it’s beautiful.
Jess is in town to help Luke with Liz and TJ. Listen, if we don’t see Liz and TJ in the ‘Fall’ finale, I’m going to riot in the streets over this too. So Rory and Jess drink desk scotch and make small talk, until Rory confides in him that she feels like a failure, ‘coulda been a contender’ and isn’t, and is broke and has no car and let her license expire.
Back the f up, Rory.
First of all, you were driving your Prius the day before. So a) you do have a car, and b) you don’t seem to mind a little driving without a valid license.
Second, shut up with your whining about how broke you are. You just left your millionaire grandmother’s house, and she has never been shy about wanting to buy you all the things you could ever want. INCLUDING HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN YALE TUITION. Your great-grandmother and OG Lorelai died several years ago and most definitely left you some moolah. Your grandfather just died and even moster definitely-er left you even more money. And to top it off, your father who is good for nothing BUT offering you money is richer than all of them put together! And then in the next scene you’re going to talk to Lorelai about how you’re looking for apartments in Queens and want a 2 bedroom place so princess can have a separate writing space! SO SHUT YOUR MOUTH ABOUT HOW BROKE YOU ARE! Especially to a guy who has built up his entire business from the ground up. What the hell Daniel! Get her story straight! This is infuriating. Why she so dumb.
Best is when she complains to Jess that all of her possessions are scattered around three different states (not to mention the other country, Adulterer). THAT IS YOUR FAULT, RORY. YOU DID THAT.
I used to very vehemently be on Not Team Jess, because he was such a shithead in his early seasons. But during my latest rewatch, later-seasons Jess is a winner. He has his shit together and he is the only guy who seems to understand Rory. Now, to continue the trend of him knowing what’s best for her, he suggests that she get out of this current rut by writing a book about her relationship with her mother. Um, yes, excellent advice! Do approve! It would be a fantastic way for Rory to achieve success in the universe of this show. Kind of pat but beautiful, I think.
Ps, you know that part in “Trainwreck” where Amy Shumer is at the movies with John Cena and some guy calls him Mark Wahlberg and Cena’s like, “Dude have you seen me?! I look like I ATE Mark Wahlberg!”? Jess looks like he ate teenage Jess. (In a good way. Have you seen this?!)
The next scene is upsetting in so many ways. The three Gilmore Girls go to the cemetery to see Richard’s new headstone – #5, because Emily is so picky or really they just keep getting the stone wrong! She can be picky about this. (Except, in general, like, stop burying people. Gross.) Emily has a new man friend, which is alarming, but hopefully he helps her get through her malaise. I loved when Lorelai was complaining about him to Rory, and how she couldn’t find anything online about him because there were too many Jack Smiths. “Try searching John, Jack is short for John.” “Okay googling John Smith and now my phone is just laughing at me.”
For the first time, Emily is right about Lorelai’s relationship with Luke. It turns out Luke never told Lorelai about that day when Emily ambushed him with Ida Attorney and took him to see franchise locations. Emily asks Lorelai, “Do you and that partner of yours ever talk about anything?” No, Emily, no they don’t.
Lorelai and Rory finally get a moment to themselves to chat about Rory’s big project – she’s decided to take Jess’s advice and write their story. Their moment comes at the cemetery, which lends itself well to a terrible joke on Lorelai’s part that cracked me up: “So what it is about! I’m dying to hear– (looks around) Sorry just an expression.” So dumb but I laughed. But when Rory tells Lorelai she’s writing about their relationship, their ‘journey’, Lorelai is not laughing. She’s actually angry and upset. We have rarely seen her like this, especially with Rory. As Rory explains more of the format, Lorelai just simply says “No.” She does not give her permission. I am shocked, really, at her reaction to this. She says how it’s her life and how she tried very hard to make sure that people only knew what she wanted them to know. This all seems very much out of left field, considering how Lorelai’s arrival in Stars Hollow with baby Rory was in the newspaper back then! Everyone knows everything about her journey! I don’t buy this AT ALL. No way in hell Lorelai wouldn’t love this idea. She’d be proud to be the subject of Rory’s ‘brilliant’ writing.
A very frustrated Lorelai goes to Luke’s diner for coffee, which he tries to stop her from because it would waste the whole pot. Um, has he met Lorelai? She finally snaps and asks how much longer he’s going to be like this. Good question, I’ve been asking the same thing! Just a total dull grumperpuss! She confronts him with the fact that he didn’t tell her about Emily and the franchise locations – but he responds with how she lied about continuing therapy with her mother. I thought this would finally get them to speak kindly with each other, if Lorelai admitted to him that she’s been going on her own because she felt she needed it. I was so pumped for Luke’s take on this reveal. But instead of seeing him respond to her with love and kindness, he flat out does not believe her. She finally confides in him the secret she’s been keeping from him for fear of what he would think of her, and he does not believe her. Literally the worst thing he could possibly do to her, or anyone can do to anyone they supposedly love. They start fighting in front of customers and it’s very awkward, until Luke reminds her of their ‘deal’ – that they live separate lives, and keep their bits to themselves, as Lorelai set up. Obviously she did not set this up. That’s just what Luke wants, and Lorelai realizes that he sees them as two separate players and not as a team.
In the middle of a very emotional Lorelai sandwich is an emotional Rory filling, in which she talks to Lane about her fight with her mom while she reflexively keeps calling Logan and hanging up. Logan finally gets through to her and asks, Ace, wtf? in so many words. Rory explains how she keeps wanting to talk to him about her life but can’t, because she can’t ignore his fiancée anymore, like he apparently can. They ‘break up’, although Rory’s acknowledgement that they can’t ‘break up’ because they are ‘nothing’ was pretty sad. Is that the end of Logan Huntzberger? I can’t believe he is going to go out with a silent phone hang up. But I think he’s only in three episodes, so that might be that. Wow. Wait but Finn and Colin haven’t shown up yet and they wouldn’t be in Fall without Logan, right? Maybe Logan’s in 4 eps. I kind of hope that isn’t the end of Logan! What’s happened to me?!
Back to sad Lorelai stuff – Taylor and the guy from Brooklyn wrote a new song for the musical and invited the advisory committee to hear it. This is such by-the-numbers storytelling but I don’t care because the new song is actually good. Lorelai thinks so too, and it speaks to her. Don’t get me wrong, it would have less than zero business being in the Stars Hollow Musical as we know it. But as a plot device used to speak to Lorelai, it’s great. Lauren Graham is at her best in this scene and up to the end of the episode. We see in her eyes everything she’s feeling as she listens to the song, and as the lighting focuses just on Sutton and her, blacking out everyone else in the room, her anguish is powerful and staggering. She recognizes her own struggles in the music and connects deeply to the message as she starts to cry. It’s such a strong scene for her and for this revival, finally, to let her/anyone feel real emotion and acknowledge that something needs to be done about it.
On that note, she goes home to find Luke fixing things up like nothing happened at the diner. But Lorelai is shaken, and something is obviously different. She quietly informs Luke that she is going away, maybe for a while. She is doing ‘Wild’, she says – you may have noticed she was reading Cheryl Strayed’s famous book at the pool. He’s confused and makes dumb comments about how she can’t possibly know what that entails and isn’t serious. But this is a quietly determined Lorelai that we haven’t seen in a long time. She is going. Luke can’t stop her. He finally asks her a question he’s probably never asked her before – ‘why’ – and she responds with the quote from the song, “Because it’s never or now.” That’s not really why, though, Luke; it’s because you are being a complete diddadoof and she needs you to snap out of it and realize how much you love her and how you need to work harder and be better.
This scene is spectacular. The acting is top notch, the kind we used to see all the time in this show. And it is so cathartic to finally see Lorelai and Luke even approach talking about what they need, what they feel. And how this relationship is in need of a lot of work. Everything about it was perfect and moving and almost made up for the rest of the episode. I’m so glad this revival is finally addressing what needs to be addressed – and I’m trying not to focus on the fact that they are seriously running out of time to do it properly.
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“The Color Purple” on Broadway: I Have Seen the Light Praise Jeebus
Describing a Broadway experience as religious tends to sound like the hyper frenzied talk of an exuberant drama student, all exaggeration for effect. Unless you mean an experience just literally on Broadway and you were at the Scientology center right across from the Richard Rodgers. No but still, as much as I love theatre I don’t usually confuse it with a message from jeebus. Yet the most repeated comment coming out of the Bernard Jacobs theatre is exactly that, that seeing ‘The Color Purple’ is an extremely religious experience and you will feel the presence of the divine and BELIEVE and TRUST and REPENT (isn’t that usually part of it). I don’t know if I can say all that or believe it but you know what what the hell I can, it’s true. JFC it’s true.
Even though it seemed too soon for a revival – I saw the original run twice as a legal adult, so like, that’s not that long ago right? right? also this isn’t Gypsy ffs – every doubter who has been given the gift of sight (of this show) has admitted they were wrong. This new production improves upon what was already a solid show with more workable, efficient direction that results in a more scaled-down amalgam to consider. It’s a transport from the London production at the Menier Chocolate Factory from a few years ago, so it’s really “The Colour Purple”. And even though the original won a Tony for the great LaChanze AND even had the incredible Fantasia as a fantastic replacement (and costarred Renee Elise Goldsberry and Brandon Victor Dixon before I knew who they were), this new cast brings everything to a new level, somehow, probably because of god or something but maybe it’s magic. Two of the best singers on the planet are starring in this, one you all know very well and one people should know but are only just learning about, except me because we’re buds because last year she ate my baked goods and liked them so that means we’re friends. Jennifer Hudson, Grammy & Oscar winning singer, is featured as Shug Avery, the famous singer and badass woman. And Cynthia Erivo, in a beyond incredible Broadway debut, plays Celie, is Celie really.
If you never saw the movie (Whoopi and Oprah? Go watch it! Also Gayle King is in it, uncredited. Opes never did anything without her), it’s about a tortured abused little girl who continues to have it pretty shitty as an adult until lesbianism saves her. I mean I joke but it is roughly that if you think about it. In more detail, it’s the entire epic story of a girl named Celie, her life from when we meet her at 14-years-old until decades later, from as bad as it gets to, well, better, and with cooler pants.
At the start, Celie is pregnant with her second child (at 14) by her rapist abusive father. When she gives birth, her father takes the baby away as he did the last one, Celie praying that they find good homes but the audience (and other characters) assuming that he kills them because he’s pretty much the worst person imaginable. Celie loves her younger sister Nettie (a great Joaquina Kalukango, which is a sick name with lots of k sounds) and they play together because they are children and they pray and they sing, which is the nice part for us because damn, their voices are beautiful. Somehow, Erivo really convinces you that she’s a young kid at the start, as does Joaquina. They’re adorable and you buy their sisterly bond. It’s pretty spectacular how Erivo grows over the course of 2 ½ hours, how her demeanor changes and most impressively her voice. Then, the evil man we know only as Mister comes by requesting to marry Nettie. Mister is played by Isaiah Johnson as incredibly hateful and evil for most of the show but then we really buy his remorse and atonement at the end somehow. He was very good. I ran into him a few blocks from the theatre after I saw it and was like “oh my god I just saw your show!” and he was like “Cool what did you think!” and I was like “You were a bastard!” I didn’t say that. I forget what I said because then Montego Glover came by and they are friends and I was just standing there like, should I sneak away quietly? Say goodbye and risk her being like who the f are you? Or just awkwardly wait? I did a mix of all three. So the father is like, Nettie is too young and too pretty to give away just yet, take Celie, she’s ugly so I’ll throw in a cow. They comment a lot about how ugly Celie is, which is ridiculous because Cynthia is a goddess but men are filth. So Celie is sent to be a wife and mother to Mister’s children, even though she’s a child, and it’s just a new man to run her life and abuse her horribly. It’s pretty depressing, but there’s some amazing comic relief in the form of the Church Ladies, the gossipy biddies who comment and cluck about all the goings on in the community, and they are ridiculously funny, singing their comments in rounds and just being hilarious.
Soon, Nettie runs away to Celie’s house after their father turns his attention to her, but then Mister, being an equally despicable person, tries to do the same, so Nettie fights him and is banished from the property. Celie writes letters to Nettie but never hears from her so she assumes she’s dead, not the truth that Mister would of course be hiding Nettie’s letters to keep Celie from ever feeling hope or joy again. Mister really was a bastard.
Years pass, and Mister’s son Harpo (Kyle Scatliffe, not Oprah’s production company) grows up and falls in love with Sofia, the best baddest-ass broad in town, played by Danielle Brooks from “Orange is the New Black” in all her hilarious and awesome glory. Not stunt casting; she went to Juilliard. Sofia is strong and doesn’t take any shit from Harpo or anyone, so Celie, poor, weak Celie who is so victimized that she can’t see that her oppression is wrong, is befuddled by her for a while. After Harpo tries to exert his male dominance over Sofia and instead Sofia beats him up, Sofia leaves town, and Shug Avery, the famous jazz singer, comes to town. Even though everything and everyone is at the highest performance grade here, you can’t help but feel the energy level rise when Hudson gets on stage. It’s pretty exciting to have someone of her celebrity on Broadway, and in a role so right for her. Her acting skills, or lack thereof, are pretty notorious, but she worked really hard here and is perfectly cast, doing a great job in all aspects of the role. A very impressive debut for an established celebrity. In fact, she will probably be nominated for a Tony, and if it weren’t for the aforementioned Renee Elise Goldsberry and the fact that Hudson is leaving the show next week, she could very well win, because people are so impressed with how well she did and, of course, so eager to bestow love on her in the form of awards to make her like them as all voters do.
So Shug is the long-time mistress of Mister, and she stays in their house and Celie is just like who is this magical person, totally intrigued and eventually in love. Shug does her part to help Mister stop beating Celie at least while she’s in the house, so that’s nice, but eventually they have their own thing and it’s quite lovely. Hudson and Erivo have wonderful, surprising chemistry, and I don’t know how Heather Headley will do in this aspect of the role when she takes over for Hudson. Shug’s love and support helps Celie recognize her own power and worth and it’s all very moving and I’m skipping a lot because I don’t want to continue going through all the details and I don’t want to spoil things for you if you haven’t seen this yet.
Aside from being a pretty darn flawless production of an emotionally moving show, the real conversation in the theatre community is about how it took this long for Erivo to get over here and why, given all the British crap Americans mindlessly and greedily gobble up, this British gem is so unknown to audiences. Well, previously unknown. She’s become the toast of the town, rightly so, and will be accepting a Tony in June if they are based on merit, which I mean awards usually aren’t but we can still hope for her. Her precise control of Celie’s growth keeps the audience by her side the whole time, so when she lets go towards the end with her big numbers, you’re both shocked at what she has been keeping inside and also you somehow just knew she had it in her. This is the kind of performance that people pray to the theatre gods to witness one day. There are videos on youtube of her singing her big 11 o’clock number “I’m Here”, so if you can’t see the show you should go watch those. But seeing this performance live, this entire flawless show, is indeed a religious experience, and not just because the majority of the audience is acting like they are at church, hooting and hollering and responding at times with “yes SING IT” and “mm hmm”s and “praise, praise” and oh my god, I’m sure you think I’m going to complain about this because I usually would, but here it is THE BEST. An effusive audience elevates this experience to a whole new level, like we are all a part of it and in it together. And it is quite special to bear witness to what is happening onstage, so the gospel church-like atmosphere reminds you that this is actually happening and that you are lucky to be a part of it.
AUDIENCE
Like I said, energetic, 100% into it, and effusive – well the good ones are. You’ll still get the annoying people on their phones (like Aretha!). But this is the rare show that makes it clear how important the audience is to live theatre so you better be present.
STAGE DOOR
It’s packed, too packed (and they’re too famous) to take pictures, but they all signed quickly at least for the people around the very small barricades. At least when I went, it was just one barricade leading out onto the street, perpendicular to the theatre/street, instead of several along the side of the theatre. Maybe this is to minimize celebrity interaction with plebs, but it definitely minimizes your ability to get autographs. They go very fast and it’s all very loud so there’s no real chance to say anything other than thank you. People are super pushy but that’s not show-specific, unfortunately!
If you never saw the movie (Whoopi and Oprah? Go watch it! Also Gayle King is in it, uncredited. Opes never did anything without her), it’s about a tortured abused little girl who continues to have it pretty shitty as an adult until lesbianism saves her. I mean I joke but it is roughly that if you think about it. In more detail, it’s the entire epic story of a girl named Celie, her life from when we meet her at 14-years-old until decades later, from as bad as it gets to, well, better, and with cooler pants.
At the start, Celie is pregnant with her second child (at 14) by her rapist abusive father. When she gives birth, her father takes the baby away as he did the last one, Celie praying that they find good homes but the audience (and other characters) assuming that he kills them because he’s pretty much the worst person imaginable. Celie loves her younger sister Nettie (a great Joaquina Kalukango, which is a sick name with lots of k sounds) and they play together because they are children and they pray and they sing, which is the nice part for us because damn, their voices are beautiful. Somehow, Erivo really convinces you that she’s a young kid at the start, as does Joaquina. They’re adorable and you buy their sisterly bond. It’s pretty spectacular how Erivo grows over the course of 2 ½ hours, how her demeanor changes and most impressively her voice. Then, the evil man we know only as Mister comes by requesting to marry Nettie. Mister is played by Isaiah Johnson as incredibly hateful and evil for most of the show but then we really buy his remorse and atonement at the end somehow. He was very good. I ran into him a few blocks from the theatre after I saw it and was like “oh my god I just saw your show!” and he was like “Cool what did you think!” and I was like “You were a bastard!” I didn’t say that. I forget what I said because then Montego Glover came by and they are friends and I was just standing there like, should I sneak away quietly? Say goodbye and risk her being like who the f are you? Or just awkwardly wait? I did a mix of all three. So the father is like, Nettie is too young and too pretty to give away just yet, take Celie, she’s ugly so I’ll throw in a cow. They comment a lot about how ugly Celie is, which is ridiculous because Cynthia is a goddess but men are filth. So Celie is sent to be a wife and mother to Mister’s children, even though she’s a child, and it’s just a new man to run her life and abuse her horribly. It’s pretty depressing, but there’s some amazing comic relief in the form of the Church Ladies, the gossipy biddies who comment and cluck about all the goings on in the community, and they are ridiculously funny, singing their comments in rounds and just being hilarious.
Soon, Nettie runs away to Celie’s house after their father turns his attention to her, but then Mister, being an equally despicable person, tries to do the same, so Nettie fights him and is banished from the property. Celie writes letters to Nettie but never hears from her so she assumes she’s dead, not the truth that Mister would of course be hiding Nettie’s letters to keep Celie from ever feeling hope or joy again. Mister really was a bastard.
Years pass, and Mister’s son Harpo (Kyle Scatliffe, not Oprah’s production company) grows up and falls in love with Sofia, the best baddest-ass broad in town, played by Danielle Brooks from “Orange is the New Black” in all her hilarious and awesome glory. Not stunt casting; she went to Juilliard. Sofia is strong and doesn’t take any shit from Harpo or anyone, so Celie, poor, weak Celie who is so victimized that she can’t see that her oppression is wrong, is befuddled by her for a while. After Harpo tries to exert his male dominance over Sofia and instead Sofia beats him up, Sofia leaves town, and Shug Avery, the famous jazz singer, comes to town. Even though everything and everyone is at the highest performance grade here, you can’t help but feel the energy level rise when Hudson gets on stage. It’s pretty exciting to have someone of her celebrity on Broadway, and in a role so right for her. Her acting skills, or lack thereof, are pretty notorious, but she worked really hard here and is perfectly cast, doing a great job in all aspects of the role. A very impressive debut for an established celebrity. In fact, she will probably be nominated for a Tony, and if it weren’t for the aforementioned Renee Elise Goldsberry and the fact that Hudson is leaving the show next week, she could very well win, because people are so impressed with how well she did and, of course, so eager to bestow love on her in the form of awards to make her like them as all voters do.
So Shug is the long-time mistress of Mister, and she stays in their house and Celie is just like who is this magical person, totally intrigued and eventually in love. Shug does her part to help Mister stop beating Celie at least while she’s in the house, so that’s nice, but eventually they have their own thing and it’s quite lovely. Hudson and Erivo have wonderful, surprising chemistry, and I don’t know how Heather Headley will do in this aspect of the role when she takes over for Hudson. Shug’s love and support helps Celie recognize her own power and worth and it’s all very moving and I’m skipping a lot because I don’t want to continue going through all the details and I don’t want to spoil things for you if you haven’t seen this yet.
Aside from being a pretty darn flawless production of an emotionally moving show, the real conversation in the theatre community is about how it took this long for Erivo to get over here and why, given all the British crap Americans mindlessly and greedily gobble up, this British gem is so unknown to audiences. Well, previously unknown. She’s become the toast of the town, rightly so, and will be accepting a Tony in June if they are based on merit, which I mean awards usually aren’t but we can still hope for her. Her precise control of Celie’s growth keeps the audience by her side the whole time, so when she lets go towards the end with her big numbers, you’re both shocked at what she has been keeping inside and also you somehow just knew she had it in her. This is the kind of performance that people pray to the theatre gods to witness one day. There are videos on youtube of her singing her big 11 o’clock number “I’m Here”, so if you can’t see the show you should go watch those. But seeing this performance live, this entire flawless show, is indeed a religious experience, and not just because the majority of the audience is acting like they are at church, hooting and hollering and responding at times with “yes SING IT” and “mm hmm”s and “praise, praise” and oh my god, I’m sure you think I’m going to complain about this because I usually would, but here it is THE BEST. An effusive audience elevates this experience to a whole new level, like we are all a part of it and in it together. And it is quite special to bear witness to what is happening onstage, so the gospel church-like atmosphere reminds you that this is actually happening and that you are lucky to be a part of it.
AUDIENCE
Like I said, energetic, 100% into it, and effusive – well the good ones are. You’ll still get the annoying people on their phones (like Aretha!). But this is the rare show that makes it clear how important the audience is to live theatre so you better be present.
STAGE DOOR
It’s packed, too packed (and they’re too famous) to take pictures, but they all signed quickly at least for the people around the very small barricades. At least when I went, it was just one barricade leading out onto the street, perpendicular to the theatre/street, instead of several along the side of the theatre. Maybe this is to minimize celebrity interaction with plebs, but it definitely minimizes your ability to get autographs. They go very fast and it’s all very loud so there’s no real chance to say anything other than thank you. People are super pushy but that’s not show-specific, unfortunately!
NBC’s “The Wiz Live!”: Finally, a Great (and Powerful) One
Okay, gonna say this right off the bat: this review won’t be as enjoyable as last year’s, because this production was infinitely more enjoyable than last year’s (it’s an inverse correlation thing)! Heck, “The Wiz” in any form is usually more enjoyable than “Peter Pan” in any form, except maybe in the “Once Upon A Time” version of Peter Pan because evil baby Peter as Rumplestiltskin’s father (what the HELL) was hilariously awesome and I’m getting sick sick sick of Zelena. Anyway.
Queen Latifah’s preshow pretaped message was a good move, because since she is Queen of all Queens, I was already hooked and in Theatre Mode. Phone off, shut your face or I’ll punch you, put that candy away, &c. Hot damn I love me some Latifs.
The show itself started with the 3 wise men/Dorothy’s Oz friends/Dorothy’s farmhands in their regular lives before they become the Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion, and the Tin Man. Not ‘before they are dreamt of as those 3’ but before they become them, because one of my biggest problems with “The Wizard of Oz” is that we’re supposed to believe everything was a dream, which is bullshit. BULL. SHIT. I was very happy to see one of my favorite performers, Elijah Kelley, here as the Scarecrow, because even though we’ve only ever seen him in the newest “Hairspray” movie, that’s enough because a) that movie is perfect (if I were on an iPhone I’d use that red 100 emoji) and b) the year it came out the whole cast premiered songs from it live at ShoWest and I was fangirling at the front of the stage because I was the only non-old-white-old-man in the room so it was like ALL FOR ME and I was like ‘Angelica, ELIJAH!’ that whole time.
Dorothy, played by total newcomer Shanice Williams, begins by being such a teenager all huffy about how this farm isn’t her home and she wants to go home and are you too good for your home, but then Auntie Em, played by Stephanie Mills – as in, Stephanie Mills the original Dorothy in the original “The Wiz” Broadway production! – sings the first song about how like, your parents died in that accident and I hope soon you are back to your normal self because I don’t know how to make you feel better about being an orphan, no one does because that’s f-ing terrible. Starting a show with a ballad instead of a rousing company-wide upbeat number is my Theatre No-no #1, well aside from Not Sucking, because such songs immediately bring energy levels down – so when you are just starting, you’re at level 0 energy, and then it brings you into negatives, and most of America doesn’t get how negatives even work because public education is in shambles, so it’s just not the best way to begin. However, Mills is pretty great considering it’s a super-cold open and she’s a ledge. But then things get going with the COOLEST FREAKING TORNADO I’ve ever seen. Damn! I think my only point of reference might be ‘Twister’, and the news, but this used some wonderful special effects both in the form of projections and, much cooler, in the form of lots of chorus boys spinning around all crazy like. I very much enjoyed this tornado and hope I am never in a real one.
The camera starts to go fuzzayyyy and then it focuses on Dorothy, her broke ass house, and shiny towers of Oz!! Wheee! Munchkins come out and they are wearing adorable costumes and are NOT midgets being exploited! Huzzah! They’re acting all serious and adorable and mad about how the house killed someone wearing silver heels hella difficult to walk in (maybe that’s what killed her), but then they’re like NO WE’RE SO HAPPY YOU KILLED A STRANGER LET’S HAVE A PARTY INSTEAD OF EXPLAINING IT ADEQUATELY TO YOU SO YOU AREN’T SCARRED FOR LIFE! and then freaking Amber Riley, wasted for years on “Glee” until we almost forgot what a talent she really is, comes out and shouts “Hey girl, I’m Glinda, oh wait just kidding, I’m ‘Addaperle, the feel-good girl’; there’s another good witch in this version named Glinda, she’s really cool too.” I CAN’T WAIT!
We hear some dumb lines in this updated book by Harvey Fierstein, whom I absolutely adoooore, but he wasn’t the right choice for this show. I mean. Old Jewish white boy, traditionally black and urban hip hop musical….There’s a bleh line about having sushi for lunch and something else I immediately put out of mind, and then Amber lets loose on “He’s the Wiz” and it’s pretty amazing, stupid Ryan Murphy kept her on lockdown for so many years. She does a sort of “And I Am Telling You” ending to a whatever song, with Shanice getting her first sung lines, well a few ‘ahh’s. Sounded great! Why has Dorothy still not had a song??!!
Yay here she goes! For Shanice’s first song, “Soon as I Get Home”, she needed a minute or two to shake out the nerves, but she proved how impressive she is. Great job! It’s still a super R&B slow-jam song though. And yes, this show is famously R&B, but so far it’s all the same kind of sound. We need something more energetic to cut all these power ballads!
We cut to that unfairly incredible commercial with Taraji, Kerry, and Mary J., and I’m like, damn, why am I not cooking and dancing with those ladies rn? What do I have to do to be in that commercial with them but in real life?
We come back to the show and see, on the scarecrow’s pole, that weird and scary guy Cillian Murphy played in “Batman Begins” with that burlap sack mask. Or it’s Elijah Kelley wearing that same weird and scary mask, covering up his pretty little face. He’s surrounded by really scary mean crow-men, who he says have been filling his head with all manner of nonsense. I think the crows represent the republican presidential candidates and OMG, I’m right, they just began the ‘Crow Commandments’, really called “You Can’t Win”, but I like my title better. It’s such a fun, upbeat (yay finally!) song considering how dire the message is – you can’t win, you can’t get out of the game, you are screwed forever, just give up. It must be hard to sing in your best voice when there is a pole stuck up your butt and you’re just hanging there with no breath support, but he does a decent job. I know there’s better from him to come though. His spoken lines are hilarious with his fast timing: “Do you know what?” “I know nothing!”
HERE WE GO! Next comes the most famous song of the whole ‘70s, “Ease on Down the Road”. I dare you, no, I double dog triple cat dare you, not to sing along whenever you hear this song. This is one powerful instant mood lifter, oh man. The pace seems to be picking up, along with the energy, and we quickly meet the Tin-Man, played by Ne-Yo, yes, that Ne-Yo. He sounds incredible, singing his big song “Pour Some Sugar On Me”, oh I’m sorry, that’s “Slide Some Oil To Me”. Same same. It has a super chill not-at-all-awkward chorus that goes “so slide some oil to me, girl, and we can lubricate my miiiind”. Totally normal. Anyway, Ne-Yo is some great casting. I really like this version of the Tin Man compared to the Wizard of Oz. It’s much closer to his backstory in “Wicked”, having the bad witch turn him into a Tin Man and leaving him heartless, saying if she couldn’t have his heart, no one could. And also, Ne-Yo is legit fabulous in this role.
We get a quick “Ease on Down” reprise before Mr. David Alan Grier pops out roaring as the Cowardly Lion, looking to sell some happy dust to Audra McDonald if only Dr. Jesus will help him out while singing “I’m a Mean Ole Lion”. He’s pretty great, complaining about failed therapy and what not. I love it. And he looks wonderful. It’s hard to get a lion costume down, but the costumes for this show are so far wonderful. Except Dorothy’s. And now another “Ease on Down” reprise!
Then ‘The Wiz’ gets hella dark and kind of close to a line that shouldn’t be crossed – the wicked witch’s monkeys, or other evil spirits, or some terrible dark force, conjure up the image of Dorothy’s deceased mother, to have her/it lure Dorothy into almost giving up the silver slippers, because how can this young kid realize that it’s not the mother she wishes more than anything to see again and that it’s just the most evil thing possible? Damn. Luckily the Tin Man stops her from giving the slipper and then they fight some red-eyed cyclops flying monkeys who can dance and fall so gracefully. Then Dorothy sings a song to the Lion just like Em sang to her at the beginning. “Be A Lion” sounds like a really difficult song to sing, and it doesn’t really have a worthwhile pay off until DAG joins in at the end.
AND THEN COME THE POPPIES! It’s like remembrance day in England all over again! The poppy set was super beautiful; I love how they produced this scene. Another red 100 emoji for you guys. I started to get super nervous about the Lion being all pervy to the flowers but then he showed he was impervious (WORDPLAY) to the poppies and tied them up.
And then all of a sudden they were in the Emerald City! Common as the Bouncer to Emerald City, which is apparently just a cool night club, was kind of painful, and I love Common. Like more than Serena did. Luckily, Dot mentioned how she killed one of the wicked witches and has her slippers, so Common lets them into the Capital for a dance party before the reaping, so it seems. After they do some weird new version of the robot, we meet the Wiz! It’s Latifah! She sings a song that is way too low for her. Why wouldn’t they have changed the key? In every big production, a man played the Wiz, but it actually sounds like they didn’t transpose the song for Latifs. Why on earth would that be the case? SO FING DUMB.
Harvey gives Ne-Yo some amazing lines in this interaction with the Wiz: “Whatchu looking for, a can opener?” Ne-Yo: “Ohh you clever! You scary as hell, but you clever!” I love it! It’s followed by a really lame Spice Girls reference. Oh Harvey.
But then Ne-Yo sings “What Would I Do if I Could Feel” and saves the moment by bringing the house down. How amazing would he be as Aaron Burr in “Hamilton”??? Make it so! In the London production! It could happen.
Latifah made some more awkward acting things, Dorothy said a forced line about her squad (#ohharvey), and then the star foursome of Dorothy and her three wise men sang a showstopping rendition of “We Got It’, which with just a little more choreography on their part would be ready for the Broadway revival. Speaking of, I really hope these four are in it.
The high energy and production value continued as we finally meet Evillene, the Wicked Witch we knew as green but is now freaking R&B royalty, dressed from the closet of Regina on Once Upon A Time, with those huge skirts over interesting pants. Did people in the fairy tale times really wear such things? If you are going to wear a skirt, it’s so you don’t have to wear pants, right? So why if you are going to wear a cool skirt would you ALSO wear pants? What’s the damn point? It’s like if you get up early for school but then find out it’s a snow day and you DON’T go back to sleep! What’s wrong with you! We don’t get snow in London.
Mary J. Blige’s Evillene is amazing, oh my goodness. Can she do anything wrong? She gets one bum line accusing her funnyman henchman of being ‘an Eddie Murphy or something’? because he’s funny? #ohharvey. But then she gets some great lines proving that Dorothy kind of sucks, in the “Wicked” perspective at least. Like, she stole Evillene’s sister’s shoes…after she KILLED her. Wicked witch allowed to be mad about that, and those facts do make Dorothy seem like the wicked one. But apparently Evillene’s talk about throwing shade made Dorothy upset that she missed the latest podcast while in Oz so she picked up her mopping bucket and threw the dirty water on the witch to melt her, because water can kill. (We learned that in fifth grade. It was a riddle my teacher gave us: What is necessary for life but can also kill you. Fifth grade. Riddle. In school. Not weird.) So Dorothy laments ‘Oh no, I did it again”, which is weird because that’s WHY she went to Evillene’s lair in the first place, under the Wiz’s orders, to kill Evillene. Did she forget her mission? Never forget the mission Dot! An even stranger reaction is that Evillene’s indentured servants slowly start stripping as soon as they realize their master is gone. Like, no verbal reaction, just slow stripping. We see that underneath their super-cool goth-punk dark pink and black robes are yellow booty shorts, happier clothes that they weren’t allowed to wear, and only when they are free of the dark clothes can their moods match the joy of the yellow clothes. Or something. “Everybody Rejoice/Brand New Day” is joyous and fun, and the foursome sound wonderful, like they know they made it through the brunt of the show and can relax. Ensemble members get a few solo sung lines, which is nice. Hi Capathia!
Big running question: Why do they have Dorothy in a too short miniskirt this whole time? She’s like 13 in the show, right? Every number that requires her to dance shows her underwear, which is weird for a 13 year old.
Another awkward as ass Common scene! And then another awkward Latifah scene when they pull back the curtain and find that she’s a fraud and a WOMAN! I didn’t think that was a secret? They did call her ‘sir’ a lot when they first met her but I didn’t think anything of it. But there are some dumb lines when Ne-Yo’s like “oh she’s a woman!” and Dorothy’s like “and WHAT’S wrong with that? nothing. You have no manners” which is just like unnecessary here. Also it reminds me of what Sarah Silverman said about little girls: don’t tell little girls they can be whatever they want because that is what puts the idea in their head that someone says they can’t.
Anyway, they convince the Wiz to go back home to Omaha, which didn’t take a lot of effort considering they were like, ‘you can eat at Modern Love’, so she’s like yeah aight let’s bounce. Queenie lets down her hair and looks f-ing amazing in her final number “Y’all Got It”, and she also sounds a lot better. She gets in the hot air balloon and calls for Dorothy to join her, and in the original Wizard of Oz, Dot is too busy hugging her friends and tripping on her own feet and stuff and misses the flight in an oh shoot oh no manner. I love that here, Dorothy decides that going to Omaha is not right for her. Granted, she could have GONE to Omaha with the Wiz and then caught the freaking bus back to Auntie Em…because Omaha is closer to Kansas than a freaking OTHER REALM is, but she is only 13 and so her brain is only halfway developed. Her heart was in the right place, I guess. Kids are dumb.
But luckily Glinda arrives! We haven’t met Glinda yet and it’s almost over. Luckily Uzo Aduba is worth waiting for, because her Glinda has a touch of Crazy Eyes in her and it’s a great combination. Her song “Believe In Yourself” has some strong moments, a few rough patches, but overall I enjoyed it. Mostly because I was watching Crazy Eyes all dressed up and I never got to see her in “Godspell”. Uzoooo!
Finally/finale, we realize that Shanice Williams was saving everything she had for her big number, which so unfairly (to the star) is the finale of “The Wiz”. Aside from “Ease on Down the Road”, “Home” is the most recognizable song from the show, if not more so, considering Stephanie Mills released it as a single and Diana Ross sang it on the movie soundtrack. It’s kind of a big deal. I can’t express how proud I am of this little stranger Shanice for how perfectly she performed her big song. I mean. Watching this show back, she must be completely and totally thrilled with how faultless it was. I hope she’s as proud as everyone in the world is of her. My favorite thing, besides watching a newcomer shining in her big moment, was how everyone in the Broadway community erupted on Twitter proclaiming that the country just witnessed a star being born. I love the camaraderie! Everyone seemed so proud of her! I love it!
Overall, this was such a strong show and definitely the best of the televised live shows thus far. I am going to make an advance bet that it’s also better than Fox’s upcoming “Grease!” live because “Grease” sucks and they should have chosen “Grease 2: Back in the Habit” to do instead. For “The Wiz”, NBC and Neil Meron & Craig Zadan seemed to hear all the criticism of the previous two shows – iron out that camerawork in tech more, and hire actors who can actually do the job, not just Be Famous – and actually worked on fixing those issues. The cast here was hella famous, but they were actually incredible, obviously, because instead of like “oh let’s get Christopher Walken to do impressions of a stick being tossed by a light wind”, they got people famous for being great singers. That is smart. They also went for strong famous actors who have already been tested in musical theatre – Uzo Aduba was on Broadway before “OITNB” came out; David Alan Grier got a Tony nom early in his career, and he was in “Dreamgirls” on Broadway, and he was in freaking “Porgy & Bess” with Audra McDonald, FFS; Stephanie Mills, &c. I hope a lot of this cast continues with the upcoming Broadway production, especially Shanice (she deserves it), Elijah Kelley (he needs to break into Broadway and stay there), and DAG. And Mary J. Blige and Ne-Yo, though they’d probably never do it. And Stephanie Mills, because that would be almost as cool as when Kelli O’Hara someday plays Margaret in “The Light in the Piazza”. Suffice it to say, I am really excited to see who I’m going to see in the stage production. Almost as excited as I am to watch this again right now.
The show itself started with the 3 wise men/Dorothy’s Oz friends/Dorothy’s farmhands in their regular lives before they become the Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion, and the Tin Man. Not ‘before they are dreamt of as those 3’ but before they become them, because one of my biggest problems with “The Wizard of Oz” is that we’re supposed to believe everything was a dream, which is bullshit. BULL. SHIT. I was very happy to see one of my favorite performers, Elijah Kelley, here as the Scarecrow, because even though we’ve only ever seen him in the newest “Hairspray” movie, that’s enough because a) that movie is perfect (if I were on an iPhone I’d use that red 100 emoji) and b) the year it came out the whole cast premiered songs from it live at ShoWest and I was fangirling at the front of the stage because I was the only non-old-white-old-man in the room so it was like ALL FOR ME and I was like ‘Angelica, ELIJAH!’ that whole time.
Dorothy, played by total newcomer Shanice Williams, begins by being such a teenager all huffy about how this farm isn’t her home and she wants to go home and are you too good for your home, but then Auntie Em, played by Stephanie Mills – as in, Stephanie Mills the original Dorothy in the original “The Wiz” Broadway production! – sings the first song about how like, your parents died in that accident and I hope soon you are back to your normal self because I don’t know how to make you feel better about being an orphan, no one does because that’s f-ing terrible. Starting a show with a ballad instead of a rousing company-wide upbeat number is my Theatre No-no #1, well aside from Not Sucking, because such songs immediately bring energy levels down – so when you are just starting, you’re at level 0 energy, and then it brings you into negatives, and most of America doesn’t get how negatives even work because public education is in shambles, so it’s just not the best way to begin. However, Mills is pretty great considering it’s a super-cold open and she’s a ledge. But then things get going with the COOLEST FREAKING TORNADO I’ve ever seen. Damn! I think my only point of reference might be ‘Twister’, and the news, but this used some wonderful special effects both in the form of projections and, much cooler, in the form of lots of chorus boys spinning around all crazy like. I very much enjoyed this tornado and hope I am never in a real one.
The camera starts to go fuzzayyyy and then it focuses on Dorothy, her broke ass house, and shiny towers of Oz!! Wheee! Munchkins come out and they are wearing adorable costumes and are NOT midgets being exploited! Huzzah! They’re acting all serious and adorable and mad about how the house killed someone wearing silver heels hella difficult to walk in (maybe that’s what killed her), but then they’re like NO WE’RE SO HAPPY YOU KILLED A STRANGER LET’S HAVE A PARTY INSTEAD OF EXPLAINING IT ADEQUATELY TO YOU SO YOU AREN’T SCARRED FOR LIFE! and then freaking Amber Riley, wasted for years on “Glee” until we almost forgot what a talent she really is, comes out and shouts “Hey girl, I’m Glinda, oh wait just kidding, I’m ‘Addaperle, the feel-good girl’; there’s another good witch in this version named Glinda, she’s really cool too.” I CAN’T WAIT!
We hear some dumb lines in this updated book by Harvey Fierstein, whom I absolutely adoooore, but he wasn’t the right choice for this show. I mean. Old Jewish white boy, traditionally black and urban hip hop musical….There’s a bleh line about having sushi for lunch and something else I immediately put out of mind, and then Amber lets loose on “He’s the Wiz” and it’s pretty amazing, stupid Ryan Murphy kept her on lockdown for so many years. She does a sort of “And I Am Telling You” ending to a whatever song, with Shanice getting her first sung lines, well a few ‘ahh’s. Sounded great! Why has Dorothy still not had a song??!!
Yay here she goes! For Shanice’s first song, “Soon as I Get Home”, she needed a minute or two to shake out the nerves, but she proved how impressive she is. Great job! It’s still a super R&B slow-jam song though. And yes, this show is famously R&B, but so far it’s all the same kind of sound. We need something more energetic to cut all these power ballads!
We cut to that unfairly incredible commercial with Taraji, Kerry, and Mary J., and I’m like, damn, why am I not cooking and dancing with those ladies rn? What do I have to do to be in that commercial with them but in real life?
We come back to the show and see, on the scarecrow’s pole, that weird and scary guy Cillian Murphy played in “Batman Begins” with that burlap sack mask. Or it’s Elijah Kelley wearing that same weird and scary mask, covering up his pretty little face. He’s surrounded by really scary mean crow-men, who he says have been filling his head with all manner of nonsense. I think the crows represent the republican presidential candidates and OMG, I’m right, they just began the ‘Crow Commandments’, really called “You Can’t Win”, but I like my title better. It’s such a fun, upbeat (yay finally!) song considering how dire the message is – you can’t win, you can’t get out of the game, you are screwed forever, just give up. It must be hard to sing in your best voice when there is a pole stuck up your butt and you’re just hanging there with no breath support, but he does a decent job. I know there’s better from him to come though. His spoken lines are hilarious with his fast timing: “Do you know what?” “I know nothing!”
HERE WE GO! Next comes the most famous song of the whole ‘70s, “Ease on Down the Road”. I dare you, no, I double dog triple cat dare you, not to sing along whenever you hear this song. This is one powerful instant mood lifter, oh man. The pace seems to be picking up, along with the energy, and we quickly meet the Tin-Man, played by Ne-Yo, yes, that Ne-Yo. He sounds incredible, singing his big song “Pour Some Sugar On Me”, oh I’m sorry, that’s “Slide Some Oil To Me”. Same same. It has a super chill not-at-all-awkward chorus that goes “so slide some oil to me, girl, and we can lubricate my miiiind”. Totally normal. Anyway, Ne-Yo is some great casting. I really like this version of the Tin Man compared to the Wizard of Oz. It’s much closer to his backstory in “Wicked”, having the bad witch turn him into a Tin Man and leaving him heartless, saying if she couldn’t have his heart, no one could. And also, Ne-Yo is legit fabulous in this role.
We get a quick “Ease on Down” reprise before Mr. David Alan Grier pops out roaring as the Cowardly Lion, looking to sell some happy dust to Audra McDonald if only Dr. Jesus will help him out while singing “I’m a Mean Ole Lion”. He’s pretty great, complaining about failed therapy and what not. I love it. And he looks wonderful. It’s hard to get a lion costume down, but the costumes for this show are so far wonderful. Except Dorothy’s. And now another “Ease on Down” reprise!
Then ‘The Wiz’ gets hella dark and kind of close to a line that shouldn’t be crossed – the wicked witch’s monkeys, or other evil spirits, or some terrible dark force, conjure up the image of Dorothy’s deceased mother, to have her/it lure Dorothy into almost giving up the silver slippers, because how can this young kid realize that it’s not the mother she wishes more than anything to see again and that it’s just the most evil thing possible? Damn. Luckily the Tin Man stops her from giving the slipper and then they fight some red-eyed cyclops flying monkeys who can dance and fall so gracefully. Then Dorothy sings a song to the Lion just like Em sang to her at the beginning. “Be A Lion” sounds like a really difficult song to sing, and it doesn’t really have a worthwhile pay off until DAG joins in at the end.
AND THEN COME THE POPPIES! It’s like remembrance day in England all over again! The poppy set was super beautiful; I love how they produced this scene. Another red 100 emoji for you guys. I started to get super nervous about the Lion being all pervy to the flowers but then he showed he was impervious (WORDPLAY) to the poppies and tied them up.
And then all of a sudden they were in the Emerald City! Common as the Bouncer to Emerald City, which is apparently just a cool night club, was kind of painful, and I love Common. Like more than Serena did. Luckily, Dot mentioned how she killed one of the wicked witches and has her slippers, so Common lets them into the Capital for a dance party before the reaping, so it seems. After they do some weird new version of the robot, we meet the Wiz! It’s Latifah! She sings a song that is way too low for her. Why wouldn’t they have changed the key? In every big production, a man played the Wiz, but it actually sounds like they didn’t transpose the song for Latifs. Why on earth would that be the case? SO FING DUMB.
Harvey gives Ne-Yo some amazing lines in this interaction with the Wiz: “Whatchu looking for, a can opener?” Ne-Yo: “Ohh you clever! You scary as hell, but you clever!” I love it! It’s followed by a really lame Spice Girls reference. Oh Harvey.
But then Ne-Yo sings “What Would I Do if I Could Feel” and saves the moment by bringing the house down. How amazing would he be as Aaron Burr in “Hamilton”??? Make it so! In the London production! It could happen.
Latifah made some more awkward acting things, Dorothy said a forced line about her squad (#ohharvey), and then the star foursome of Dorothy and her three wise men sang a showstopping rendition of “We Got It’, which with just a little more choreography on their part would be ready for the Broadway revival. Speaking of, I really hope these four are in it.
The high energy and production value continued as we finally meet Evillene, the Wicked Witch we knew as green but is now freaking R&B royalty, dressed from the closet of Regina on Once Upon A Time, with those huge skirts over interesting pants. Did people in the fairy tale times really wear such things? If you are going to wear a skirt, it’s so you don’t have to wear pants, right? So why if you are going to wear a cool skirt would you ALSO wear pants? What’s the damn point? It’s like if you get up early for school but then find out it’s a snow day and you DON’T go back to sleep! What’s wrong with you! We don’t get snow in London.
Mary J. Blige’s Evillene is amazing, oh my goodness. Can she do anything wrong? She gets one bum line accusing her funnyman henchman of being ‘an Eddie Murphy or something’? because he’s funny? #ohharvey. But then she gets some great lines proving that Dorothy kind of sucks, in the “Wicked” perspective at least. Like, she stole Evillene’s sister’s shoes…after she KILLED her. Wicked witch allowed to be mad about that, and those facts do make Dorothy seem like the wicked one. But apparently Evillene’s talk about throwing shade made Dorothy upset that she missed the latest podcast while in Oz so she picked up her mopping bucket and threw the dirty water on the witch to melt her, because water can kill. (We learned that in fifth grade. It was a riddle my teacher gave us: What is necessary for life but can also kill you. Fifth grade. Riddle. In school. Not weird.) So Dorothy laments ‘Oh no, I did it again”, which is weird because that’s WHY she went to Evillene’s lair in the first place, under the Wiz’s orders, to kill Evillene. Did she forget her mission? Never forget the mission Dot! An even stranger reaction is that Evillene’s indentured servants slowly start stripping as soon as they realize their master is gone. Like, no verbal reaction, just slow stripping. We see that underneath their super-cool goth-punk dark pink and black robes are yellow booty shorts, happier clothes that they weren’t allowed to wear, and only when they are free of the dark clothes can their moods match the joy of the yellow clothes. Or something. “Everybody Rejoice/Brand New Day” is joyous and fun, and the foursome sound wonderful, like they know they made it through the brunt of the show and can relax. Ensemble members get a few solo sung lines, which is nice. Hi Capathia!
Big running question: Why do they have Dorothy in a too short miniskirt this whole time? She’s like 13 in the show, right? Every number that requires her to dance shows her underwear, which is weird for a 13 year old.
Another awkward as ass Common scene! And then another awkward Latifah scene when they pull back the curtain and find that she’s a fraud and a WOMAN! I didn’t think that was a secret? They did call her ‘sir’ a lot when they first met her but I didn’t think anything of it. But there are some dumb lines when Ne-Yo’s like “oh she’s a woman!” and Dorothy’s like “and WHAT’S wrong with that? nothing. You have no manners” which is just like unnecessary here. Also it reminds me of what Sarah Silverman said about little girls: don’t tell little girls they can be whatever they want because that is what puts the idea in their head that someone says they can’t.
Anyway, they convince the Wiz to go back home to Omaha, which didn’t take a lot of effort considering they were like, ‘you can eat at Modern Love’, so she’s like yeah aight let’s bounce. Queenie lets down her hair and looks f-ing amazing in her final number “Y’all Got It”, and she also sounds a lot better. She gets in the hot air balloon and calls for Dorothy to join her, and in the original Wizard of Oz, Dot is too busy hugging her friends and tripping on her own feet and stuff and misses the flight in an oh shoot oh no manner. I love that here, Dorothy decides that going to Omaha is not right for her. Granted, she could have GONE to Omaha with the Wiz and then caught the freaking bus back to Auntie Em…because Omaha is closer to Kansas than a freaking OTHER REALM is, but she is only 13 and so her brain is only halfway developed. Her heart was in the right place, I guess. Kids are dumb.
But luckily Glinda arrives! We haven’t met Glinda yet and it’s almost over. Luckily Uzo Aduba is worth waiting for, because her Glinda has a touch of Crazy Eyes in her and it’s a great combination. Her song “Believe In Yourself” has some strong moments, a few rough patches, but overall I enjoyed it. Mostly because I was watching Crazy Eyes all dressed up and I never got to see her in “Godspell”. Uzoooo!
Finally/finale, we realize that Shanice Williams was saving everything she had for her big number, which so unfairly (to the star) is the finale of “The Wiz”. Aside from “Ease on Down the Road”, “Home” is the most recognizable song from the show, if not more so, considering Stephanie Mills released it as a single and Diana Ross sang it on the movie soundtrack. It’s kind of a big deal. I can’t express how proud I am of this little stranger Shanice for how perfectly she performed her big song. I mean. Watching this show back, she must be completely and totally thrilled with how faultless it was. I hope she’s as proud as everyone in the world is of her. My favorite thing, besides watching a newcomer shining in her big moment, was how everyone in the Broadway community erupted on Twitter proclaiming that the country just witnessed a star being born. I love the camaraderie! Everyone seemed so proud of her! I love it!
Overall, this was such a strong show and definitely the best of the televised live shows thus far. I am going to make an advance bet that it’s also better than Fox’s upcoming “Grease!” live because “Grease” sucks and they should have chosen “Grease 2: Back in the Habit” to do instead. For “The Wiz”, NBC and Neil Meron & Craig Zadan seemed to hear all the criticism of the previous two shows – iron out that camerawork in tech more, and hire actors who can actually do the job, not just Be Famous – and actually worked on fixing those issues. The cast here was hella famous, but they were actually incredible, obviously, because instead of like “oh let’s get Christopher Walken to do impressions of a stick being tossed by a light wind”, they got people famous for being great singers. That is smart. They also went for strong famous actors who have already been tested in musical theatre – Uzo Aduba was on Broadway before “OITNB” came out; David Alan Grier got a Tony nom early in his career, and he was in “Dreamgirls” on Broadway, and he was in freaking “Porgy & Bess” with Audra McDonald, FFS; Stephanie Mills, &c. I hope a lot of this cast continues with the upcoming Broadway production, especially Shanice (she deserves it), Elijah Kelley (he needs to break into Broadway and stay there), and DAG. And Mary J. Blige and Ne-Yo, though they’d probably never do it. And Stephanie Mills, because that would be almost as cool as when Kelli O’Hara someday plays Margaret in “The Light in the Piazza”. Suffice it to say, I am really excited to see who I’m going to see in the stage production. Almost as excited as I am to watch this again right now.
