Crazy Mother Hubbard: What To Do With The World’s Largest Squash, Part 1 – Kidney Bean & Squash Stew

December 5, 2013

That’s a huge mother…

…shut yo mouth!

Bigger than the pool

For Thanksgiving, my best friend gave me a squash she bought at the farmers market. I know you’re thinking, how nice is that! What a lovely friend! Squash can feed people! You know what else squash can do? KILL PEOPLE. You know what else? DEMOLISH TALL BUILDINGS.
Yeah, so my friend gave me the BIGGEST SQUASH IN THE ENTIRE WORLD (that wasn’t entered into some sick contest of genetically mutated growths at a county faire or anything), the enormous Blue Hubbard Squash. With a slightly blue-tinted skin, this squash weighed about 15 pounds and gave me the shivers. For days (weeks? I lost track of time. no it was just days) I stared at it, half hoping to get inspired as to its uses, and half hoping to somehow break it open with my mind. I sat there with my hands on it, hoping that through osmosis my desires would lead the monster to freak the eff out and shake shake shake senora and then crack open. Pretty much I couldn’t figure out how to open it, ok? My collection of 31 knives was no match for this.
And then. And then. And gentlemen and then. My mom and I did this:

THAT’S RIGHT! We put that crazy mother hubbard in a trash bag and dropped it off the deck. Happy Thanksgiving, here’s a trashbag full of smashed orange goop! (The trashbag part was genius, and necessary, though.) NB that right before Operation Dumbo Drop, my dad was yelling about how it would crack the cement and he’d have to redo the backyard because of it. That’s how scared we all were of this thing. We promised my dad that we wouldn’t drop it, but then we did. It’s what Thanksgiving is all about. Luckily, no property damage occurred, and guess what – it worked PERFECTLY.

Wafting through trash clouds

Look at how nicely the ground carved up my squash! It cracked beautifully into 7-8 easier-to-manage sections, and I got going. It took about an hour to skin and cube all of the squash, and it made a good 10 cups of uncooked cubes. That’s a lot, so we’re going to have 3 different posts about What I Did With The Hubbard Squash. First up: Kidney Bean & Hubbard Squash stew!

KIDNEY BEAN & BLUE HUBBARD SQUASH STEW

Ingredients:

1 large onion, diced
2T olive oil
4 cloves garlic, minced
1t cumin
1t paprika
2t salt
freshly ground black pepper to taste
1 large Serrano pepper, seeded and diced
3C cubed Blue Hubbard Squash
2C (1 can) red kidney beans
2C (1 can) cannellini beans
1C carrots, diced
28 oz. can of diced tomatoes, plus water
1T lemon juice
1/2 T soy sauce

Directions:

If you haven’t done so already, drop your Crazy Mother Hubbard squash off the side of a building. Cube it.
In a large stockpot, saute your onion in olive oil for 5 minutes. Add the garlic.
Add the spices and the Serrano pepper and stir for about 3 minutes (adding drops of oil, water, or broth if things start sticking).
Add the rest of the ingredients. Refill your tomato can with water and pour that in too.
Bring to a boil, cover, and lower to a medium simmer. Cook for about 30 minutes.
Add the lemon and soy sauce and taste for salt and seasonings.
Enjoy!

This isn’t even all of it

I don’t even try to take good soup pictures. Especially when it’s orange. There’s just no saving it.

This stew is very comforting and hearty, perfect for these increasingly cold evenings. Or days; it’s all dark outside, who can tell the difference. Anyway, all the squash pictured is what I had after making this soup, so more Blue Hubbard squash recipes will be coming! And thanks best friend!