Veganizing "Friends": The Moistmaker, or MY SANDWICH?!?!?!?! (Plus Stuffing Recipe!)by Randi / December 2, 2013
That’s a huge mother… |
…shut yo mouth! |
Bigger than the pool
For Thanksgiving, my best friend gave me a squash she bought at the farmers market. I know you’re thinking, how nice is that! What a lovely friend! Squash can feed people! You know what else squash can do? KILL PEOPLE. You know what else? DEMOLISH TALL BUILDINGS.
Yeah, so my friend gave me the BIGGEST SQUASH IN THE ENTIRE WORLD (that wasn’t entered into some sick contest of genetically mutated growths at a county faire or anything), the enormous Blue Hubbard Squash. With a slightly blue-tinted skin, this squash weighed about 15 pounds and gave me the shivers. For days (weeks? I lost track of time. no it was just days) I stared at it, half hoping to get inspired as to its uses, and half hoping to somehow break it open with my mind. I sat there with my hands on it, hoping that through osmosis my desires would lead the monster to freak the eff out and shake shake shake senora and then crack open. Pretty much I couldn’t figure out how to open it, ok? My collection of 31 knives was no match for this.
And then. And then. And gentlemen and then. My mom and I did this:
Yeah, so my friend gave me the BIGGEST SQUASH IN THE ENTIRE WORLD (that wasn’t entered into some sick contest of genetically mutated growths at a county faire or anything), the enormous Blue Hubbard Squash. With a slightly blue-tinted skin, this squash weighed about 15 pounds and gave me the shivers. For days (weeks? I lost track of time. no it was just days) I stared at it, half hoping to get inspired as to its uses, and half hoping to somehow break it open with my mind. I sat there with my hands on it, hoping that through osmosis my desires would lead the monster to freak the eff out and shake shake shake senora and then crack open. Pretty much I couldn’t figure out how to open it, ok? My collection of 31 knives was no match for this.
And then. And then. And gentlemen and then. My mom and I did this:
THAT’S RIGHT! We put that crazy mother hubbard in a trash bag and dropped it off the deck. Happy Thanksgiving, here’s a trashbag full of smashed orange goop! (The trashbag part was genius, and necessary, though.) NB that right before Operation Dumbo Drop, my dad was yelling about how it would crack the cement and he’d have to redo the backyard because of it. That’s how scared we all were of this thing. We promised my dad that we wouldn’t drop it, but then we did. It’s what Thanksgiving is all about. Luckily, no property damage occurred, and guess what – it worked PERFECTLY.
Wafting through trash clouds |
Look at how nicely the ground carved up my squash! It cracked beautifully into 7-8 easier-to-manage sections, and I got going. It took about an hour to skin and cube all of the squash, and it made a good 10 cups of uncooked cubes. That’s a lot, so we’re going to have 3 different posts about What I Did With The Hubbard Squash. First up: Kidney Bean & Hubbard Squash stew!
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KIDNEY BEAN & BLUE HUBBARD SQUASH STEW
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Ingredients:
Directions:
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This isn’t even all of it 
I don’t even try to take good soup pictures. Especially when it’s orange. There’s just no saving it. 
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This stew is very comforting and hearty, perfect for these increasingly cold evenings. Or days; it’s all dark outside, who can tell the difference. Anyway, all the squash pictured is what I had after making this soup, so more Blue Hubbard squash recipes will be coming! And thanks best friend!
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The BEST Tacos, & What Happens When They Turn Out To Not Be Tacos
It is finally getting warm! To celebrate summer (because in Philly it customarily goes from winter to summer), I made the best ever tacos. Ever. Summer=tacos just like winter=tacos just like fall=tacos just like spring (whatever that is)=tacos. (Summary: Vegans love tacos.) For these tacos, there were accompaniments of tamari-heavy tempeh crumbles, fresh guacamole, shredded lettuce, and oven-roasted broccoli. Most importantly, I made the best ever kind of cashew cream that I can’t believe I didn’t try making before. Read on for the secret ingredient! Vegan food is the best.
To recreate this fantastic dinner as I did, first roast some broccoli tossed with olive oil, salt and pepper, and cook in a 350F oven for 15 minutes. Or however you like to roast broccoli. Also get a bunch of lettuce, shred most of it (keep some big pieces if you want to make lettuce wraps), and make guacamole as you do. You don’t need my directions really for this stuff. But the more stuff you accumulate for the spread, the more impressive it looks. That’s science. Now onto the main event!
I used ‘longhot’ peppers in this, which are peppers that are long…and…hot. Seriously I just tried to google longhots but it seems to be maybe a regional name for this type of pepper? But anyway, below is a picture so you can see. I really like naming things after their most obvious attributes. I might start a trend. I’m going to go eat a redround (apple) with some browngoop (peanut butter…that one needs work).
So this makes a good amount of food. Yebop. I didn’t use any spices because I wanted the garlic and the wonderful natural flavors to be on display. Lately, I’ve been making dishes that really rely on the interesting spice profile, which is cool, but it’s nice to get back to the basics of vegetable miraculousness.
I used ‘longhot’ peppers in this, which are peppers that are long…and…hot. Seriously I just tried to google longhots but it seems to be maybe a regional name for this type of pepper? But anyway, below is a picture so you can see. I really like naming things after their most obvious attributes. I might start a trend. I’m going to go eat a redround (apple) with some browngoop (peanut butter…that one needs work).
So this makes a good amount of food. Yebop. I didn’t use any spices because I wanted the garlic and the wonderful natural flavors to be on display. Lately, I’ve been making dishes that really rely on the interesting spice profile, which is cool, but it’s nice to get back to the basics of vegetable miraculousness.
I FEEL LIKE TACOS EVERY NIGHT
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Ingredients:
For the tempeh
For the magical cashew cream
Directions:
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 Chopped onions and 2 ‘longhot’ peppers, so you can see and maybe better identify what they actually are  Wheeee secrets!  White trees!  Another secret from Trader Joe’s, Brussels sprouts that are COMPLETELY SHAVED!! (Ok that’s a Coupling joke. The British version of Coupling, obvs.) |
L-R: Shredded lettuce, the amazing cashew cream, guac, tempeh. I mean this stuff is a perfect dinner on its own.
SO I made all this great stuff and then I began to plate all the gloriousness when I realized that the idiot cashier at Trader Joe’s forgot to put the corn tortillas in my bag. (Seriously, he was the worst. One bad experience out of hundreds, but stillllll.) So, instead I made some as lettuce wraps…but really just shoved everything into my head. So what happens when tacos aren’t allowed to be tacos? Lesson: Taco fillings and accompaniments are as good mushed together on a plate as they are in a tortilla. As we knew.
Challenge Accepted: Marshmallow-less Rice Krispie Treats
Welcome to the first installment in my “Challenge Accepted” series, inspired by Barney on “How I Met Your Mother” but having literally nothing to do with the show! Today’s post answers the request of my friend Sari, who asked for a way to make amazing Rice Krispie-like treats without marshmallows. You could sub a vegan marshmallow, such as Dandies or Sweet N’ Sara, into the standard recipe, but a) that gets freal expensive b) that’s not very exciting! So, a treaty crisped rice treat using other ingredients??
Stirring shit into melted chocolate, as I do
One of my favorite things to do, as faithful readers might have realized, is to melt chocolate with a nut butter or Speculoos (or both) and stir shit into it. It’s a foolproof, always delicious, and extremely versatile method of cookery. So, it makes perfect sense to use this as the basis for this creation!
When making Rice Krispie treats, the important thing is to make some kind of glue to hold the cereal together. Melted marshmallows do this very well, we know. But do you know what else can make a great gluey substance? Nut butters melted with liquid sweetener. Once you get this basic aspect down, you can play with it in all kinds of ways depending on what you’re in the mood for, or even just what you have on hand. No brown rice syrup? Agave or maple syrup will work! No cashew butter? Peanut butter, Speculoos, almond butter, hazelnut butter…you pretty much can’t go wrong with substitutes. In fact, I would have gone with cashew butter when making these, but I’m all out, hence today’s treats are peanut buttery. I also decided to make them chocolatey, because when you have the option of chocotizing something, you take it.
This recipe is a rough guide of what I did today, rough because you can really do whatever you want in terms of ingredients and amounts and it’ll probably be delicious. I used a mix of all 3 types of sweeteners, but it will work with just one (though all agave might be too sweet). I was also just using peanut butter, but then halfway through I smacked my head and said “What are you doing!” and added some Speculoos. Because duh.
When making Rice Krispie treats, the important thing is to make some kind of glue to hold the cereal together. Melted marshmallows do this very well, we know. But do you know what else can make a great gluey substance? Nut butters melted with liquid sweetener. Once you get this basic aspect down, you can play with it in all kinds of ways depending on what you’re in the mood for, or even just what you have on hand. No brown rice syrup? Agave or maple syrup will work! No cashew butter? Peanut butter, Speculoos, almond butter, hazelnut butter…you pretty much can’t go wrong with substitutes. In fact, I would have gone with cashew butter when making these, but I’m all out, hence today’s treats are peanut buttery. I also decided to make them chocolatey, because when you have the option of chocotizing something, you take it.
This recipe is a rough guide of what I did today, rough because you can really do whatever you want in terms of ingredients and amounts and it’ll probably be delicious. I used a mix of all 3 types of sweeteners, but it will work with just one (though all agave might be too sweet). I was also just using peanut butter, but then halfway through I smacked my head and said “What are you doing!” and added some Speculoos. Because duh.
Our ingredients
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MARSHMALLOW-LESS RICE KRISPIE TREATS
Ingredients:
Directions:
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 See the sugar stream? Fun!  Mix the cereal into the gooeyness |
Still warm; I am a child
If you want a more traditional treat, forego the chocolate and swap cashew butter for the peanut butter, and you’ll have a milder base flavor that is more akin to what you are used it. Next time I have cashew butter on hand, I’ll make it that way. But using peanut butter and chocolate is never a wrong move. I hope you enjoy it no matter what combination of ingredients you use. And now we all can see that marshmallow-less can mean delicious, and not just, sadly, ‘without Marshall “Marshmallow” Errickson’, as I am. Thanks Sari!
