Vaute Couture Preorder Sale Is On Now!by Randi / September 5, 2013
Dip the apples in the honey (I mean agave!), say a bracha loud and clear!
L’Shana Tova U’metukah! Have a happy sweet New Year!
Whee! Another faux-year has gone by, chosen ones! Rosh Hashanah is such a good holiday. It’s like regular New Year’s, but better:
1) You don’t have to make resolutions – in fact, you have 10 days to be as terrible as you want because on Yom Kippur you atone for that shit! (K that’s not how it really works but still.)
2) You celebrate by eating apples and honey-substitute and not by drinking your face apart.
3) You don’t have to worry about what huge (awful) party with lots and lots of (awful) people you’ll be invited to on New Year’s Eve, because you have big family dinners! Full of tons of food, wine, and yentas! So fun!
For all of you gentiles, that’s all there is to know about Rosh Hashanah. Great right? You know you wanna convert.
Last night, for the first night of Rosh Hashanah, my parents hosted the dinner for my grandparents and good family friends. Of course, I made 90% of the food. Every gathering is a chance to win people over with great vegan food, people!
L’Shana Tova U’metukah! Have a happy sweet New Year!
Whee! Another faux-year has gone by, chosen ones! Rosh Hashanah is such a good holiday. It’s like regular New Year’s, but better:
1) You don’t have to make resolutions – in fact, you have 10 days to be as terrible as you want because on Yom Kippur you atone for that shit! (K that’s not how it really works but still.)
2) You celebrate by eating apples and honey-substitute and not by drinking your face apart.
3) You don’t have to worry about what huge (awful) party with lots and lots of (awful) people you’ll be invited to on New Year’s Eve, because you have big family dinners! Full of tons of food, wine, and yentas! So fun!
For all of you gentiles, that’s all there is to know about Rosh Hashanah. Great right? You know you wanna convert.
Last night, for the first night of Rosh Hashanah, my parents hosted the dinner for my grandparents and good family friends. Of course, I made 90% of the food. Every gathering is a chance to win people over with great vegan food, people!
Should’ve taken this before people started to sit!
The Menu
- Potato leek soup (recipe follows)
- Salad with mixed veggies
- Cauliflower-carrot mashed potatoes (recipe follows)
- Mango BBQ Beans (from Appetite For Reduction)
- Stewed okra and tempeh (recipe follows)
- Peas & pas’ (description follows)
- Broiled shaved Brussels sprouts
- (Chicken for putzes)
Dessert
- Chocolate Yogurt Bundt Cake (from the PPK blog)
- Vanilla peanut butter cake balls (‘recipe’ follows)
- Lots of fruit
FIRST, WE DANCE! I MEAN SOUP!
Soup veggies a-boiling! Directions:
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Mmm soup. Potato leek (and carrot!) soup
This is not even really a recipe, just add whatever vegs, spices, what nots you want and it’ll probably still be amazing. I do some kind of variation of this every week, usually with broccoli and potatoes and greens. |
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Cauliflower-Carrot Mashed Potatoes
Again, this is barely a recipe, but it works and is impressive, apparently. And delicious! It’s also really pretty, but I forgot to take a picture.
Directions:
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Mango BBQ Beans (from AFR)
These beans are insanely good, and they are really easy to make. Everyone loved them, and their sweetness was appropriate for the holiday. If you don’t have AFR, you should go buy it, because it’s amazing. 
Mango BBQ Beans |
Stewed Okra & Tempeh Funtimes
Washing okra |
Chop, chop chop, saute, saute, saute |
McSteamy |
Forgot to take pics of 3 dishes, yet I capture 4 stages for this one
Stewed Okra & Tempeh
This one is like a gumbo? I guess? but I have no authority to say so. It’s just really yummy and really easy. I loved it, as did all of the guests.
This one is like a gumbo? I guess? but I have no authority to say so. It’s just really yummy and really easy. I loved it, as did all of the guests.
- 1 big onion, diced small
- olive oil
- 4 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 bunch of celery (head of?), chopped
- 1t thyme, 1/4t red pepper flakes, 1/2t cayenne pepper
- 2 bay leaves
- 1 lb. okra, chopped
- 1 can (16 oz., though 24 could work) diced tomatoes (I used fire-roasted)
- 1C+ water
- 1 package tempeh
- 2T soy sauce
Directions:
- Saute the onion, oil, and celery over medium heat for a few minutes.
- Add the garlic, and saute until things start to brown a little.
- Add the spices, and more oil or water if things stick, and cook for a minute more
- Add the can of tomatoes, then fill the can about halfway with water, and pour that in the pot.
- Now, add the okra to the pot, along with the bay leaves. Add more water if necessary.
- Bring to a boil, then lower the heat and let it all simmer, covered, for at least an hour. Keep checking to make sure things don’t stick/burn. I let it simmer all afternoon, on low heat, because why not.
- In the meantime, make your tempeh. Crumble it in a small saucepan, and just barely cover it with water and the soy sauce. Bring to a boil, then cover (with room for steam), lower the heat to a low simmer, and let cook for 15-20 minutes, until it’s dry. You can saute it a little longer if you want the tempeh to brown.
- Add the tempeh to the big stew pot, and continue cooking everything until there’s no water. Then enjoy!
As for the last two dishes – peas & pas’ and Brussels sprouts – I’ll just describe what to do. I can’t give a recipe for the former, because it’s a family dish, and I can’t for the latter because it’s too easy. So, lemme ‘splain. No, there is too much. Lemme sum up. Peas & pas’ = peas and pasta, said with an Italian-American accent. It’s the most garlicky food you’ll ever encounter. My mom makes this the best, because she’s the more Italian one of us. You Cuisinart-chop 2 big onions and like 15 cloves of garlic, literally. Then you cook it over the stove in a big pot with a metric shittonne of EB and olive oil. This is why my mom’s is better than mine, because I can’t bring myself to add the amounts of this stuff that she can. But that’s what makes it awesome. So you add like 1/4C EB and a 1/4C olive oil, and probably more, saute the minced onion and garlic mixture, add salt and pepper, and then mix in your shell pasta. Then you bake it in a casserole dish with a bag or two of frozen peas. It’s amazing.
For the best Brussels sprouts of your entire life, start by shaving the sprouts, like pounds of them. Or, to make it easier, buy them already shaved (Trader Joe’s sells bags of shaved ones). Take 2-3 bags, or pounds, of shaved ones, coat them with olive oil and salt and pepper (use your hands, get in there), and put them on a big baking sheet covered with parchment paper, in the oven at 375° for 20 minutes, or until the edges are browning and crispifying. So amazing.
For the best Brussels sprouts of your entire life, start by shaving the sprouts, like pounds of them. Or, to make it easier, buy them already shaved (Trader Joe’s sells bags of shaved ones). Take 2-3 bags, or pounds, of shaved ones, coat them with olive oil and salt and pepper (use your hands, get in there), and put them on a big baking sheet covered with parchment paper, in the oven at 375° for 20 minutes, or until the edges are browning and crispifying. So amazing.
Lastly, the desserts! I recommend that you make Isa’s Chocolate Yogurt Bundt Cake for any occasion, because it’s the best chocolate cake recipe I’ve come across. I had a slight aversion to bundt cakes for a while there (probably because it sounds like butt cake), so I’m really glad I tried this cake a few years back. It changed everything! No more butt cake phobia.
Also, I highly recommend making cake balls whenever you have leftover cake! Some of you might have seen the post where I made Rachel’s English Trifle, from ‘Friends’. I sensed some concern that I had to throw out so much good cake, custard, and icing due to the beef cube contamination. No way, guys! I would NEVER waste food! I tossed a very thin layer of whatever components touched the meat, and then I saved all that shit, yo! Duh! That cake was good otherwise!
Also, I highly recommend making cake balls whenever you have leftover cake! Some of you might have seen the post where I made Rachel’s English Trifle, from ‘Friends’. I sensed some concern that I had to throw out so much good cake, custard, and icing due to the beef cube contamination. No way, guys! I would NEVER waste food! I tossed a very thin layer of whatever components touched the meat, and then I saved all that shit, yo! Duh! That cake was good otherwise!
Cake balls! Hanging together, living the dream so fine.
So, back to cake balls. You take whatever leftover cake and icing you have, you mix it in a mixing bowl, you squish it into balls, and you coat the balls in melted chocolate! It’s the bomb!
I had at least one entire vanilla cake layer leftover from the Trifle of Doom, and the vanilla frosting. I got the frosting, added about 1/4C peanut butter, mixed like a mofo (HAHA MOFO) to work on my guns, man, and then squished in the cake. Do you want it laid out more easily?
I had at least one entire vanilla cake layer leftover from the Trifle of Doom, and the vanilla frosting. I got the frosting, added about 1/4C peanut butter, mixed like a mofo (HAHA MOFO) to work on my guns, man, and then squished in the cake. Do you want it laid out more easily?
- Mixing bowl of cake and frosting
- Melt chocolate
- Squish cake & frosting into balls, cover with chocolate, have a stroke of genius and top with sea salt and raw sugar, place on a baking sheet covered with parchment or waxed paper, refrigerate for an hour or so, until needed.
SO F-ING AMAZING.
I love how much our guests were freaking out over them. They aren’t anything; they’re cake balls! So easy! But whatever, make them all the time and get lots of compliments. Many New Year!
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Final Meal of 2014: Excellent Food & Great Value at Manna, London
Thank goodness for Manna! It is, to be extremely lame and dorky, from heaven. For the most part.
Although England is where veganism was formed, where the Vegan Society was founded, and where like everyone cool wants to live, its biggest city is kind of weak when it comes to vegan food. It’s easy to be vegetarian here — restaurants still think it’s necessary to mark options that are ‘vegetarian’ instead of marking the much more necessary ‘vegan’ (seriously, you can tell from descriptions and names what is vegetarian, without fail). But, while there are many wonderful vegan options at omni restaurants, wonderful all-vegan restaurants are few and far between.
Despite the dearth, the all-vegan Manna, in Primrose Hill, London, would still be the best we have to offer even if tons of vegan restaurants existed here. The food is fantastic, mainly comfort food in large portions. So freaking good. And aside from a few service issues aaaaand a few kitchen hygiene issues (we’ll get there), there’s little else to complain about.
Although England is where veganism was formed, where the Vegan Society was founded, and where like everyone cool wants to live, its biggest city is kind of weak when it comes to vegan food. It’s easy to be vegetarian here — restaurants still think it’s necessary to mark options that are ‘vegetarian’ instead of marking the much more necessary ‘vegan’ (seriously, you can tell from descriptions and names what is vegetarian, without fail). But, while there are many wonderful vegan options at omni restaurants, wonderful all-vegan restaurants are few and far between.
Despite the dearth, the all-vegan Manna, in Primrose Hill, London, would still be the best we have to offer even if tons of vegan restaurants existed here. The food is fantastic, mainly comfort food in large portions. So freaking good. And aside from a few service issues aaaaand a few kitchen hygiene issues (we’ll get there), there’s little else to complain about.
Husband and I ate at Manna on New Years Eve, when they offered a special set menu: 7 courses (5 legit, 2 more like extras), aperitifs, wine, coffee and tea, all for £54. That is a freaking steal under normal circumstances (especially on New Years Eve, when restaurants love to gouge you), and here even more so. The portions were enormous. After the canape and the soup, I was pretty happy. And then all the other courses came and mocked me with their size and deliciousness. It was crazy. Let’s look at it!
First, we were asked to choose a complimentary aperitif from the drinks menu. I asked for tap water, and please keep it coming. And then I figured well it’s included, might as well get our moneys worth and have husband finish mine. On the menu was a Calvados, an apple brandy from Normandy, served with apple juice. On our trip to Normandy a few years back, I actually liked Calvados – at least the more apple and/or pear-flavored kinds – and so I ordered that. It tasted like alcohol. But it was better than other alcohols.
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The first food served, the canape, was a buckwheat blini topped with horseradish sour cream, beluga lentils, and beetroot caviar. I imagine that the taste of this bite is what Russians would be referring to whenever they say “this tastes like home.” It was bright and dilly and reminiscent of borscht with cold sour cream on top. So, yeah, Russian. It was pretty good, considering I always think I hate sour cream and dill kinds of things and I liked this.
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“Like it! I could eat 100 of ’em!” |
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Next up was the delicious soup. As you may know, soup is pretty much my favorite thing, and not just because I am good at it. Manna’s offering was celeriac and fennel bisque (hehe bisque) topped with cream and roasted chestnuts. We didn’t get the whole ‘topped with cream’ thing, and we only found a few chestnut pieces when we reached the bottom of the bowl, but the soup was really delicious. It was perfectly salted and wonderfully simple. And it came with two small bread rolls! Yay bread!
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Soup I love soup. |
Big bowls of thick soup are pretty darn filling, but luckily we waited so. damn. long. until our next course came that we were hungry again. The waitstaff was getting confused between where we were in the meal and where the table next to us were. While we both started at about the same point, we were still at this post-soup point when our neighbors were finishing their main! That’s 3 courses away! So messed up! But like I said we did get hungrier so that’s good. And it wasn’t the food’s fault.
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Finally, our ‘starter’ came, the tempeh cabbage rolls with miso sauce. I expected a cold kind of sushi-roll thing, but surprisingly these were warm, hearty rolls, with grilled cabbage holding tempeh and matchstick veggies that tasted like a standard Chinese stir-fry. They were hard to eat with your hands and harder to cut apart nicely with knife and fork, but I really enjoyed them.
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Tempeh and miso are like my favorites |
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The salad, up next, was really lovely, despite the fact that I tend to stray from vinegar-y salads (or ‘bowls of lettuce’, as husband tends to call my unadorned…well…bowls of lettuce). Manna’s salad on offer was a complex mixture of an arugula base (which they call rocket in Europe becauseeee NASA?), roasted squash, sundried tomatoes, kalamata olives, and roasted pepitas in a sherry vinaigrette. Despite the vinegariness, I really enjoyed having an interesting and refreshing salad instead of my usual lettuce bowls. It was really good, especially with the warm squash addition. I used to hate olives but now I absolutely love them. It took a trip to Portugal when olives and bread were all I could eat for a few days. Now I’m all yay olives.
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Warm squash should go in every salad. 
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Next we were given glasses of house organic wine. It tasted like alcohol.
hair today, gone tomorrow
The piece de resistance was next. Our main course was a mushroom stout pie with whole grain mustard champ (mashed potatoes with green onion, weird ass name) and braised kale. A lot of braised kale. And a lot of mash. It was quite the plate. The pie was pretty great, with a fantastic sturdy crust and lots of little mushrooms inside. It was all going swimmingly…and then I saw it. The beginnings of a hair coming out from the middle of the pie. I pulled and it was long and dark — my biggest restaurant fear. See, normally I’m the type of person who would report to waitstaff when there’s a hair or a bug or generally anything wrong. But if it’s a long dark hair, I tend to keep quiet out of the ridiculous fear that someone will say ‘WELL MAYBE IT’S YOURS!’ and I can’t deal with that possibility of someone thinking I’m not telling the truth. It happened first at Blossom in NYC. I was about to say GIMME NEW FOOD but then I had a flashing vision of the waiter saying “Maybe it’s yours?” and me peeing myself in frustration and embarrassment. It’s so messed up, I know. But I can’t help it. No feeling is worse than not being believed and I didn’t want to risk it so I just ate around it and omg I didn’t say anything until now. AHHHHHH. (And no, imaginary people in my head, it’s NOT mine, because unlike the people MAKING my food I always tie my hair back when EATING the food.) Anyway.
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Luckily, dessert was up next. The hair incident made me a little nauseous but it was nothing a change of palette wouldn’t fix. They offered two options: a chocolate orange hazelnut delice or a coconut rice pudding brulee. Obviously, with two people, we got one of each, the only way to do things properly. Both were beyond words. Seriously. Probably the best desserts I’ve had in London so far that I didn’t make myself. The chocolate orange one was like a really thick fudge on top of graham-like crumbles that tasted exactly like a certain cereal from my childhood that I cannot recall, but I know I loved it. The vanilla ice cream on top may have been Swedish Glace but it worked so well with the dish. It was wonderful, as was the rice pudding. I normally require chocolate in my desserts but I actually preferred this one. The bruleed caramelly top was ridiculous and it didn’t even need the mulled cherries it came with. So creamy, so comforting, so delightful. I would love to eat this every day.
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Apparently this was supposed to be like a Jaffa cake, but if you can believe it, I still haven’t had one. 
Delicious rice pudding with a hidden foe. |
When we picked up the gooseberry to split with one bite each, we noticed another unwanted villain in our midst. Another hair! This time small and lighter, hanging off the gooseberry. I mean. This means TWO people are to blame for poor kitchen hygiene. I actually think Manna should be investigated by the board of health now. I mean but the food is so good I can’t really say another worse about them. Like I still want to eat there because it’s the best vegan food in London!
Lastly, we were served coffee (for husband) and tea (fresh mint tea, gorgeous, for me) and – the best part – a plateful of cookies and truffles EACH. One plate would have been more than enough but one each was like the coolest thing ever. Even better, they offered to wrap up the extras (the entire second plate) for us to take home. Win! The cookies were a delightful end to a pretty spectacular meal, foodwise, though it left much to be desired in terms of what goes on behind the scenes.
MANNA, LONDON
Water speed: Poor but eventually gets there, which makes it the greatest water speed in London.
Service: See above. Service in England is notoriously bad. Luckily all the staff is super nice.
Bathrooms: Down the most awful set of stairs ever – seriously, it would be closer to normal if they took out every other step. You have to be very careful. But they are surprisingly nice for basement toilets.
Food: Wonderful comforting vegan food. Just watch out for hairs.
Bonus: Such a great value!
Veganizing “Friends”: Tartlets?…Tartlets?…Tartlets?…The Word Has Lost All Meaning
Tartlets!
“Well smack my ass and call me Judy!”
No, I didn’t say that! It’s from one of the best guest stars ever on “Friends”, Jon Lovitz! In Season 1’s “The One With the Stoned Guy”, he played a guy named Steve who came to the apartment to interview Monica for a restaurant job. However, as Phoebe reported, he got stoned in the cab on the way over and was just a rude mess. A corn-envelope eating, Sugar-Os throwing, Gummi-Bear stealing mess. Poor Monica’s big opportunity was lost because of drugs. See? Johnny Dakota was right: “There’s no hope with dope!”*
Luckily for us, his erratic behavior made for some great TV. Jon Lovitz is one of those actors with the ability to turn a stupid line into an absolute instant classic. My favorite line reading of his (in this episode, at least; his reappearance in Season 9’s “The One With the Blind Dates” provides stiff competition*) inspired this post’s subject: regarding Monica’s Onion Tartlets. For the past what, 15 years, every time I hear the word tartlet, or even tart, I react in this same way. I can’t help it! Watch and be awed:
No, I didn’t say that! It’s from one of the best guest stars ever on “Friends”, Jon Lovitz! In Season 1’s “The One With the Stoned Guy”, he played a guy named Steve who came to the apartment to interview Monica for a restaurant job. However, as Phoebe reported, he got stoned in the cab on the way over and was just a rude mess. A corn-envelope eating, Sugar-Os throwing, Gummi-Bear stealing mess. Poor Monica’s big opportunity was lost because of drugs. See? Johnny Dakota was right: “There’s no hope with dope!”*
Luckily for us, his erratic behavior made for some great TV. Jon Lovitz is one of those actors with the ability to turn a stupid line into an absolute instant classic. My favorite line reading of his (in this episode, at least; his reappearance in Season 9’s “The One With the Blind Dates” provides stiff competition*) inspired this post’s subject: regarding Monica’s Onion Tartlets. For the past what, 15 years, every time I hear the word tartlet, or even tart, I react in this same way. I can’t help it! Watch and be awed:
I’ve seen this about 100 times and I still love it. The word tartlet makes me laugh so hard!! I don’t know how Courteney Cox kept a straight face during filming, because I couldn’t have. I’d be the worst sitcom actor ever. I’d break more than Jimmy Fallon. Anyway, so Steve couldn’t wait a measly 8 1/2 minutes for the onion tartlets. He got all up in Monica’s pantry, looking for munchies.
“I was just being polite.”
“Hello Greeter Girl.” I love it. But he’s so rude! Not only did he take items off her shelf but he actually stuck his grubby hands in and ate some of the food! I would have snapped much earlier than Monica did. I can’t stomach fools! And I really can’t stomach grubby hands in my cereal boxes. I love cereal. Let’s have cereal! No, we’re here to make onion tartlets. And wow, guys, I must say, this shit is crazy good! I used The Vegg for the first time. If you aren’t familiar with it, The Vegg is a vegan, powdered egg replacer that is extremely, eerily egg-like. It even made my kitchen smell like sulfur! The people at The Vegg were nice enough to send me a free sample, and I think these tartlets (hehe tartlets) are a great way to experiment with a little bit of it. I am definitely going to be buying this in the future. If you don’t have access to it, I bet a mix of EnerG Egg Replacer, nooch, and black salt would substitute well (or even just the nooch and black salt if you use firm tofu). However, this concoction blew the minds of some real egg-loving omnivores in my house, so I suggest ordering the Vegg.
To make the little tartlet shells, I stole a recipe from this really cool blogger over at HelloGiggles and I don’t even feel bad about it. I’m taking her method too — you use the bottom part of your muffin tin (the smaller your muffin cups, the better for this!) to form your dough into cups! It’s genius! So, we’re going to make and semi-bake the little tartlet pie cups first, then fill them with the eggy mixture and bake again. Be careful that your crusts don’t burn (like some of mine did) as it takes a long time for the filling to cook. It might help to cover your pie edges with tin foil to prevent burning (I never do this because I love burnt edges). Weirdly, the uncooked filling tastes just like egg salad. I was always disgusted by egg salad, but the stuff without any actual eggs is pretty rad. Let’s make some tartlets! Hehe tartlets!
To make the little tartlet shells, I stole a recipe from this really cool blogger over at HelloGiggles and I don’t even feel bad about it. I’m taking her method too — you use the bottom part of your muffin tin (the smaller your muffin cups, the better for this!) to form your dough into cups! It’s genius! So, we’re going to make and semi-bake the little tartlet pie cups first, then fill them with the eggy mixture and bake again. Be careful that your crusts don’t burn (like some of mine did) as it takes a long time for the filling to cook. It might help to cover your pie edges with tin foil to prevent burning (I never do this because I love burnt edges). Weirdly, the uncooked filling tastes just like egg salad. I was always disgusted by egg salad, but the stuff without any actual eggs is pretty rad. Let’s make some tartlets! Hehe tartlets!
MONICA’S ONION TARTLETS
HEHE TARTLETS
HEHE TARTLETS
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For the tartlet pie cups
Ingredients:
Directions:
For the filling
Directions:
Thanks Vegg people!
“Is it dry in here?”
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THE SHADOW FINGERS WILL GET YOU, PIE DOUGH!
Thiis is howw you dooo ittt
You could also just eat the pie crusts plain.
Onions overboard!!
“You know, I don’t know what I’m looking for.”
Don’t worry it’s not really egg!
Adding the onions. Onions, man.
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These are actually really good! If you take the time to roll your pie dough out and cut them more carefully than I did, you could totally serve these at a dinner party. Or any kind of party. New Years Eve? Nothing like ringing in the new year with the smell of sulfur! I hope you enjoy!
*What was your favorite Jon Lovitz quote on “Friends”, from either of his episodes? Don’t you love when he says, “And I’m pretty sure…I’m infertile” because I do.
*Do you know who Johnny Dakota is?!?!
*Do you know who Johnny Dakota is?!?!
original comments: https://laughfrodisiac.weebly.com/my-own-creations/veganizing-friends-tarletstartletstartletsthe-word-has-lost-all-meaning
