Zagreb Vegan Scene: Green Point

August 27, 2013

On Saturday night, I was expecting to enjoy a meal at Zrno, but when I arrived around 7:15pm, the sole staffer there told me they were closed. Cue tears (almost). Luckily, I had Green Point marked on my map, and luckily, it’s open pretty late.
Green Point offers vegetarian fast food, which is always necessary to have in a city. It’s a small space, with only a counter behind which the one worker heats up the frozen patties, makes smoothies, and easily prepares whatever else they offer. Obviously, and sadly, there is no bathroom.

On one of the main drags, a tiny cutout of a place houses the vegetarian fast food joint Green Point. It’s easy, quick, and decent. And, thankfully, it’s open past 7pm – a rarity in Zagreb. A lot of the items looked and sounded really interesting, but unfortunately the majority were not vegan. I ordered a hemp burger without cheese (only regular cheese here).
The burger was pretty good. It tasted like slightly more interesting Boca burger, and had bit of spicy salsa, along with tomato and lettuce on a big bun. It needed more sauce to counter all the breading, but there were few vegan options.

I also ordered a banana hemp soy milk shake. It was decent, but not as thick or cold as I wanted it to be.
I wouldn’t go out of the way to come here if you are vegan. Vegetarians would have tons more options that looked more interesting. But hey if you are hungry and it’s past 7pm, it’s a great option to have.

Green Point, Zagreb

Varšavska ulica 10

Austin Withdrawal Is Rough, Y’all, So I Made ‘Burritos’

June 9, 2015

A week ago, I was in Austin, Texas, for the third and supposedly-final-but-I don’t-believe-it Vida Vegan Con. Well, actually, a week ago I was landing at Heathrow but that eastbound overnight flight is like two days long and there’s a time change and I don’t even know what day it is today so let’s just say a week ago. Anyway, Vida Vegan Con was amazing. I was a speaker (see the badge on the homepage like rightthere?), sharing all my important knowledge about the law that bloggers need to know. (If you have questions about legal issues you can ask me but remember I’m not your lawyer unless you pay me and sign shit but we can work that out.) I will be writing about this incredible experience and the supportive community it assembles and strengthens more in upcoming posts. Today, we gotta talk about the food. Well, one kind of food: stuff stuffed into tortillas.

That’s actually on a plate; the plate just happened to be exactly tortilla-sized.

Austin is the taco capital of America, possibly the world because a) it’s a mecca for vegan taco establishments and b) the Taco Cleanse was created there. I ate a lot of tacos. One night, I asked my friend what I should eat for dinner, x or tacos, and she was like, “Get x because you’ve had a lot of tacos”, and I was horrified at the thought of having something besides tacos. So that is a good way to make a decision: have someone suggest not having tacos and you’ll realize you want tacos. Phoebe should add that to the ‘North route or South route’ game, x or tacos. Ball of twine or beard of bees.*
Anyway, it’s been over a week (#honesty) since I had tacos in Texas, and that’s enough time for withdrawal symptoms, y’all, I’m saying in my southern drawl obviously. So today I thought, I’m gonna make spicy beans and other crap and put it in a tortilla and feel like I’m in Austin again, even though today I wore a SWEATER and a JACKET outside and was still very chilly and it’s June ffs. I was so windswept and ready to call my outside time that I bought giant burrito-sized tortillas instead of taco-sized tortillas, and they weren’t even corn. Hey, I live in the City, I have limited options given how far I am willing/able to wander before getting lost. (Hint: not very far.) But the giant tortillas I found happened to be Ezekiel’s sprouted grain shebangs, which I love, so that’s good.
Still, we know right off the bat that my taco plan wasn’t going to end up as tacos. Hey, you fail to plan, you know what they say, you make an ass of us. I figured with the giant tortillas, I could make a burrito, even though I’m awful/awesome at wrapping such things because I overstuff them beyond what you thought was possible. And I’m not an authentic cooker of this cuisine in the least: to quote Lucy, “I not a Mexican!”* But it was still going to be delicious, and doggonit, it was.

SPICY LENTIL AND MISO TEMPEH TACO/BURRITO/NONSENSE POCKET

For overstuffing into this wondrous crackerpocket, we have an awesome spicy green lentil and vegetable mix, miso baked tempeh, a grain, a lettuce, and spiralized zucchini. Make it all or whatever. We don’t have avocado because eating what’s sold as avocado in England so soon after eating the most incredible avocados in south Texas sounds like a terrible thing to do for one’s mental stability.

FIRST: Miso Baked Tempeh

Ingredients:

8 oz. tempeh, cubed
3 tablespoons miso
2 tablespoons mirin
1/2 teaspoon minced ginger
1/2 teaspoon minced garlic
1 tablespoon sesame oil
2 tablespoons water
squirt of agave nectar

Directions:

Preheat oven to 375F.
Boil a pot of water. Steam your tempeh for 10-15 minutes over the boiling water like you’re supposed to, or you can do like I do and just boil the tempeh for 10 minutes. It ends up the same, I feel. I mean, it’s all good right.
Mix the other ingredients in a large bowl, add the boiled tempeh and swish around to coat.
Pour it all into a small baking dish and bake for 20 minutes. Ta da, it’s delicious, right? Don’t eat the whole thing out of the oven because you will get a bellyache.

I used jarred minced ginger and garlic for this because I got better shit to do, y’all. Also my knives are dull.

Glamour shot

The light in my kitchen is above my head so no matter where I stand I cast a shadow. It’s a cruel thing. Also how cute is my Qatari oven mitt?

SECOND: Spicy Green Lentils
Ingredients:

2 tablespoons olive oil
1 cup diced onion (one onion, y’all)
3 cloves minced garlic (I used real garlic, y’all, none of that jarred b.s. in the real food)
3 teaspoons smoked Mexican chili paste (I use Luchito because Kippysnacks told me to. Luchito Nyong’o)
1 cup diced carrots
1.5 cups cooked green lentils
handful kale
handful frozen corn
salt to taste (I used 1/2 teaspoon)
have water handy

Directions:

Big pot, heat oil, medium heat.
Throw in the onions and garlic, increase to medium-high heat, and cook for like 6-8 minutes till things are starting to brown. People are always doing onion first and then adding the garlic for like only a minute and I don’t get that. Cook garlic for a long time it is awesome that way.
Add the carrots and mix in the paste. Add water as needed to keep things from sticking. Do this for like 5 minutes.
Add the lentils and the other veggies and stir a lot, cook it good y’all. Then turn down the heat to low and let it simmer for as long as you want, really. Like 5 minutes, you’re prob hungry.

This big zucchini fucker rolled off the counter, before I had the good sense to put it on a towel, and rolled right onto my foot, building up momentum on that long fall and it hurt so freaking much. Damn you zucchini. I ate you.

Stir it upppp

I am so good at this

THIRD: Make a grain
Ingredients:

1 cup dry grain (I used the last of my precious Trader Joe’s Israeli Couscous, Red Quinoa, and Baby Chickpea grain mix. I will miss you.)
2 cups water

Directions:

Make it.

It’s so good with vegan butter even though it’s not Earth Balance.

FOURTH: Spiralize Zucchini
God I love this machine. I must give thanks to Jojo for giving me her unused spiralizer, even though she supported my eventual move to Britain for years and years and then the day THE DAY I finally moved here, she decided to “travel professionally” i.e. leave me on this island without her. THANKS DUDE. (No but really thanks.)

ASSEMBLE! Get your giant tortilla or normal sized ones if you are making tacos, and layer all the components like so:

That’s the coolest photographic thing I’ve ever done. Yay. It’s like the Brady Bunch but for Mexican food. Anyway build it up, add too much of each filling like I do, add avocado if you live in the right place, add cilantro if you remember to buy it, add a cheese sauce maybe. I added some leftover hummus dressing (hummus dressing = watery hummus, btw) and a bit of the Parma! vegan parmesan that came in the Vida Vegan Con Swag Bag O’ Wonder (pictured)! That was such a great little kick.
So then came the best part, when I tried to wrap it up. Um. Because they are imported, Ezekiel wraps and breads are only available frozen in the UK, so I had to heat it in the oven. Do you know what happens to an Ezekiel sprouted grain wrap 15 seconds after it is out of the oven? It hardens. Into a cracker. Oops. No wrapping up for you, mister! The only thing I could do was just fold it over into a giant hard taco sort of thing and you know what, I think I like it better that way. More chance of things falling out, like some sort of game!

I don’t even know what that metal spike is. I didn’t have a toothpick, not that that would have been strong enough to hold this monster together. But seriously, what is that piece of metal from…

If you follow me on Instagram (link at top), you saw that when I finished this monster, the end fell apart and I dropped it onto the plate AND IT WAS THE BAT SIGNAL! APPARENTLY I AM A VEGAN SUPERHERO. Prettayyyy cool.

*as usual with things that are asterisked in my posts: if you understand a reference or a joke or a quote and you comment that you get it, you get bonus points for any giveaways I do. If you attended my VVC talk, you know that the type of giveaway I always choose to run is a ‘contest’, because I like judging and winning on merit, not chance.

Entering China: The Train from Ulaan Baatar to Beijing

August 2, 2017

July 20-21
Dear little baby laptop diary,

Here we are on our 8th long train journey of the summer but the very first part of our China adventure! For the next 30 hours, I look to you for support, for guidance, for refuge from our very very loud Canadian male cabinmates (I thought Canadians were polite loudness beyond all decibel recognition is not polite). But most of all, I look to you for distraction from the fact that the bathrooms might be closed for 6 full hours tonight, for customs and bogie (wheel) changing. I am not stress-free, I’ll say that.

bye Mongolia don’t let the door hit you in the ass oh wait no doors

Luckily, the train is a tiny bit nicer than what we’ve been on for the past 5 weeks. It’s another Chinese train, so it’s smoky as all hell, of course, but I guess that’s good practice for all the secondhand cigarette smoke and (god I hope not) lung problems I’ll be getting once we arrive in China. But other than that (and of course, the Chinese tradition of not supplying toilet paper, soap, or speaking English), the train is nicer. Our cabin seems ever so slightly wider than usual, meaning all four of us can sit on the bottom bunks and not have our legs touch. Most importantly, there are outlets in here! Two of them! Before, on the Russian trains, there was one 220V outlet in the entire carriage hallway that everyone fought over to charge their phones. But here, hell we’ve got the phones charged, the kindles charged, and you little baby are plugged in for the first time on a train! How does that feel!

Even better, there are two toilets at one end of the carriage instead of one at each end. So the attendants did not lock the one by them for their own use! Two toilets for me! Best of all, the other toiletless end of the carriage has an open area with the hot water station (no more samovars, of course, being out of Russia, but still endless hot water) and TWO SINKS! No more washing our cups in the toilet sink! No more waiting to pee while 4 people use the toilet just to brush their teeth! We’re flying high! And most importantly, the sinks can’t be locked, so with my newfound lack of inhibition cultivated in the Mongolian country tour, if need be, I will just pee in those open sinks. What are they gonna do about it?

the mountains and smog of China start to take shape

No, really, I’m incredibly nervous about the bogie change. Mongolian exit customs starts at 6:30pm and is about two hours, and then Chinese entry customs starts only half an hour later, at 9pm, so I think the bathrooms will be closed that entire time, with that half hour not long enough to warrant an official reopening. I’m nervous enough about that, but the Chinese customs part includes a bogie change to account for the difference in tracks or wheel requirements in China or somesuch nonsense that will force the bathrooms to be closed until freaking 1:30am. So best case, that’s a 4 1/2 hour closure, which I can’t do, and worst case, that’s a 6 hour closure, which I REALLY can’t do. The guide book says we are able to get off the train and wait at the station while they change the bogies, but then you are out in the cold until 1:30am!!! Is anyone else on this UTI machine worrying about this? How is it possible for anyone to think of anything else? Even you can’t go for 6 hours without needing to pee! Come on! Does everyone have a Stadium Pal in their packs? Adult diapers? WHAT’S THEIR SECRET? What do I do Murray?!

While I wait for my fate to reveal itself, I am listening to our two Canadians TALK REALLY LOUDLY ABOUT ALL KINDS OF THINGS IN THEIR REALLY LOUD VOICES. They are nice enough but like shut the crap up already I’m trying to do literally anything but listen to your talk about Burning Man and how it’s the best thing in the world and ughhh you wish you were theeeere because it’s just representative of everrrything gooood the worrrrld can beeee. SHUT UP I HATE YOU AND BURNING MAN IT SOUNDS TERRIBLE.

The dining car was soo fancy! I didn’t eat in there because the food was Mongolian (the dining car is always from the country you start in) and NATHANKS but so pretty!

The scenery is hilarious. We are literally going through the desert right now, so there is nothing for miles and miles and miles. Just sand. Nothingness. It’s so dry out there. Damn I would hate to be stuck in the desert.

Omg this one guy’s voice is like the loudest you can ever imagine. How is this person human? I didn’t know regular human talking could occur at this decibel. If I were in my apartment I’d be calling the police about a noise violation like I used to do all the time in Philly about that stupid burrito place across the street like listen it’s 3pm and you are NOT a club you are a burrito shop so stop thumping the bass like yo’re a gangster no one wants to eat your food if they can feel the thumping in their chest too just chill the f.

So the loud boys like to pass the time on the train – on a THIRTY HOUR TRAIN – by playing 20 Questions with each other. You know, when you think of something, anything, and the other person has 20 questions to ask before guessing what it is. Usually children who don’t know what to do with their lives play this. Usually people pick objects they can see or something. Do you wanna know what their first question to each other has invariably been? Are you even ready for this because I still am not. The very first question they ask each other every round is, “Is it a product of modernity?” jigga WHAT?????? IS IT A PRODUCT OF MODERNITY? Who DOES THAT! START WITH ‘IS IT AN OBJECT” FOR FUCKS SAKE.

I do not like them. And I do not like that apparently all Chinese attendants will be constantly smoking. I know that I am a broken record of complaint in these posts but I am confined to this theme by the narrowness of my experiences.

Wanna hear the funniest thing? These two idiots are going to Beijing to catch a flight TO NORTH KOREA! Oh they are going to get eaten ALIVE by Kim and his friends. I mean honestly they need to tone it down, for real; it’s dangerous to go there and not know how to behave in civilized society (Kim and I am civilized society). Soooo many men in uniform are going to be like SHUT UPPPPP but in Korean. Godspeed to you two foolios, godspeed.

Okay so we are in the middle of the customs time. I am very thirsty but I was able to pee right before the designated time for exit customs. The Mongolians pored over every single page of our passports just because we want to leave. I really don’t understand exit customs. You already let us in, just let me out please. It took a few hours and at 8:30pm I heard some commotion down by the bathrooms and guess what, someone else indeed had to pee! Other people are human too! A lady got the attendant to open a bathroom before Chinese customs officials boarded and the line grew down the whole carriage. Woohoo!

Chinese customs officials do not smile, but they do bark. We got stamped through though, and then the train started moving back and forth between stations, like long 10 minute rides back and forth. Something was clearly not going right. Finally we went into a building we had passed 4 times – yes, straight into it- and saw that all the carriages of our train had been separated and were kind of stacked sideways to each other, so we could look from our window into another carriage’s cabins. Privacy violation! It was so weird behind on a train but being inside this random warehouse. And then, all of a sudden, we realized our car had been raised like 15 feet in the air, without us feeling it! Chinese machinery is sophisticated! (Made in Japan?)

But after a bit of time, things stopped being so smooth. The entire carriage started being jerked this way and that, preventing any kind of relaxation and invoking a mass confusion of whispered “what’s going on”s. A few minutes would pass, then we’d hear a BANG! CRASH! Like a comic strip except we were in a train car and no one could tell us what was going on. They need to work on this system.

At about 10:30pm, a French lady nearby got the attendant to open the toilet. I don’t even care that this lady was also smoking, I love her now. I was going to be okay. Dehydrated and exhausted and concerned about what the crap was going on outside, but okay.

But we thought by then that the bogie change was over. Why were we still in the warehouse? Where…wait where were all the other carriages? We could no longer see ANY of the rest of our train, like they had regrouped and departed to continue the journey and forgotten to add car #4 back in. Ermmmm guys? GUYS? CAN ANYONE TELL US WHAT’S GOING ON?

By this point, the screamers and Z had all gone to sleep, while I waited for a chance to do Final Pee (TM) before sleep. I thought it was coming – I was so tired! But the clang clang clang of the bogie machines still rocked our carriage back and forth – while these silly boys just SLEPT. I wanted to scream how can you people be sleeping through this I’m literally having to hold onto the railings! By 12:45am, we had left the warehouse but just as little as possible – we were parked outside it. I honestly think that we were waiting for the train to come back and collect us and add us back in. I have no evidence of this – I probably just couldn’t see the rest of the train from my window’s angle – but come on what else would be taking until 1 in the morning!

Finally I really had to pee and wanted to sleep so bad that I resorted to playing dirty with the attendant: I went to his cabin, opened the door, and put my hands together and said ‘toilet, please??’ He pointed to his watch and said “Must wait! Must wait!” I said “please emergency” and he again said “must wait!” So, I dug a tampon out of my pocket that I had dug out of my bag and held it up for him and said ‘NEED TO USE’. He SHUDDERED and instead of being forced to think about lady problems for any longer, he hurried to open the toilet for me. Guys! I successfully discovered a surefire way to always get the men to unlock the toilets! Make them super uncomfortable by showing them a tampon that you’re not going to even use (don’t use tampons at night, PSA)! New train motto is AHATIMP (always have a tampon in my pocket) and I will be stress-freeeee saaaailing awayyyyyy hoorayyy for fragile masculinity!

I slept.

In the morning, at about 7 or 8, I heard the SUPER LOUD CANADIANS (seriously they can’t be Canadian I think they are lying) rustling and opened my eyes, which I shouldn’t have done because that triggered the extra loud one to immediately announce that the attendants wanted to collect all the sheets. “Fuck that”, I said, glaring at him, and turned over for more sleep. I am so in charge now.

The landscape starting looking undeniably like the China I was so eager to see, with misty mountains and lots of buildings and smog (well I wasn’t excited about the smog) and just so much interesting scenery. The mountains were incredible! I’m so excited to see so much of this country. We will soon arrive for five days in Beijing. Stay tuned! And let me know if you hear anything in the news about two Canadian men being captured in NK.